Not Writing Related - Tumblr Posts

I had not even seen the caption yet and I shouted “Do NOT trust the Red Cap!”

I cannot stress this enough: DO NOT TRUST THE RED CAP.

x

The other day I had a customer come through my line who was extremely embarrassed to be buying his wife tampons. Like a 40-something year old man. And he literally snatched one box out of my hands and the other from the bagger so he could shove them into a bag as quickly as possible. He double bagged it so it would be really hard to see. He said he was worried about what people would think.

Dudes. Let you be my witness, I hope I never end up with a person so afraid of a tampon.

Hey so I found this in my Syntax book that I bought used from the SIU bookstore. The name is either hawberries or havberries. I love it btw, it’s amazing and I think it’s Angus from TAZ but it’s not mine. Someone bought this or made this and I have no way of knowing who forgot this in their book. Help me out!

I work in a grocery store that has some general goods. It rhymes with Broger. We sold out of all of our sanitizing products in like two hours of being open today. People bought food for the next two months and half of them said it was so they didn't have to come back in and be around all the sick people. I wanted to die.

when you need toilet paper but can’t buy any cause all the freaks in this country have bought 90000 rolls each hoarding it like it’s the apocolypse

Online classes are killing me. Morphology and Syntax are okay online, the professor is pretty good with technology so I’m still getting it. But Phonology gave me problems when I had the freedom to work with people and ask questions in real time. Online, it makes me want to cry.

I have never played D&D. I do not own anything for it. I want to play so damn bad but am intimidated by people who have played for awhile because I have ~anxiety~ and I have no idea how to find a group of newbies who would like to get into it with me!

In our campaign last week, we fought a zombie ogre that was all bones in a swamp. We killed it and our paladin used one of her spells to see if there was anything else like it around. There was a zombie bear which we also killed. Then I, with my horrid little brain, said that the ogre just wanted us out of his swamp. Which, naturally, lead to more Shrek jokes. But the amazing thing is that because we made these jokes, our paladin decided to do a check to see if the bear could have talked. It could. So basically we killed Shrek and Donkey Bear in our last session.

MEGAMIND IS A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE AND ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME is allowed their own opinion, sure, but have you seen the movie? Have you seen it? So many cliches destroyed. The guy whose supposed to be the new hero is a Nice Guy TM. The gorgeous reporter said the hero wasn’t “her type.” Megamind is a proper dramatic little shit! There’s so much more but basically I strive to create something as awesome as Megamind with as well-rounded characters as they did.

The only reason I have self esteem is because I get regularly roasted by a five year old.

I’m relistening to the first season of TMA to help me focus on stuff. And I just love that the first voice other than Jon’s that we hear is a statement givers. Then Elias and then Martin. Idk it’s just as more happens in the new season, this little bit makes me happy.

Hey it’s ace week and you’re local ace has something to say! I’ve been out as ace for 3 years now and it’s still a big part of my identity that I’m proud of so here’s a lil something for those who need it!

So uh.....Fuck, am I right?

~I’m too sexy for this virus, too sexy for this virus, too sexy for this virus. So sexy I’m sick!~

Everyone remember episode 54 where Jon just??? Breaks into???? Gertrude’s flat???? And doesn’t get caught! Waits till he hears the damn sirens before he bails and still! No one noticed him! Where did ol’ Jon learn to do this? Sure, he says getting through the window was difficult but he still broke in through a window. And. Did. Not. Get. Caught. I’m picturing him hauling ass as fast as he can, blind luck getting him away without anyone seeing him, the Eye laughing its eldritch ass off watching him. Elias, high, munching on popcorn and nearly dying choking on the popcorn when Jon tries to hop a fence.

Also picturing little Jon who accidentally got locked out of his grandmother’s. Or maybe it was on purpose. He wouldn’t blame her. And this little Jon learning to climb the wall, pop open the window, and shimmy inside. He can’t hold a pipe for long as an adult but muscle memory carries him through that damn window. Sometimes he wouldn’t even try knocking and he’d climb through the window to find his grandmother home. He’d never ask but he’d wonder if she’d hope he’d just go away if he couldn’t get in.

What’s fun is when there’s even a divide in the state. Like I’m in Illinois but I’m from southern Illinois. And trust me when I say that means something. Every last one of us bristles like a cat if we tell you we’re from Illinois and you ask if we’re from Chicago. Most of us specifically say Southern Illinois just to avoid this because it is hitting the instant rage button with a truck going 90 over the speed limit. And we all talk shit about the state, arguing whose fault it is that it sucks. But God and the Beings in the Corn help you if an outsider insults our state. We will rip you to shreds and plant you with the soybeans.

Do non-americans realize that the United States is literally just a bunch of countries in a trench coat that agreed to be semi-nice to each other in order to sneak into the Big Boy Club? Because let’s be honest that’s just what the USA is

I offer you this: The emotionally repressed tough as nails scary badass lone wolf member is the one that starts crying and gets all the hugs.

yknow that trope when someone starts crying and one by one everyone in their friend group joins in hugging them and each other because they're all in pain and healing together and they're all supporting each other? oh man

Tomorrow I face the ordeal of calling a landlord to see if I can get an apartment. It will be the first time I’ve done so and I am terrified. Not so much because of the call but what it’ll mean if I get the apartment. I’ve never lived on my own. I have so many siblings and have never been alone. Will I be able to survive it? I feel as if the loneliness will consume me quickly. Already, I’m close to tears. But I will also never know if I can survive that loneliness or come to love it if I never try to embrace it. What suffering there is in such a mundane thing.

Cool Tip

If you are like me and always need to be working on something to keep your anxiety under control, during this quarentine why not helping scientists by looking at pictures of some neat penguins? or even galaxies?  There’s this site call Zooniverse, where you can help on scientific projects by analyzing pictures and data!  Right now my favorite project has returned, called Penguin Watch (where yeah, you get to watch penguins, it’s amazing)

you basically have to analyse photos looking for penguins, their chicks, eggs or even predators and human interaction But there are lots of interesting projects you can help in areas such as biology, physics, history or even art: 

Oh and the best part, some institutions even accept it as volunteering/service hour requirements for graduation and scholarships!! It’s helping me a lot during this time, so I thought it was worth sharing