Tiredarts-main - Tired’s Hall Of Bullshit

still losing my shit at dmg posting that stompees exclusively are getting murdered for pvp next season and then going on vacation for three weeks IMMEDIATELY. funniest man alive

Some blurry Ari shots

Okay. Story time.

My aunt brought home two tins of “Halloween hot chocolate mix”- one in purple and one in orange.

My hopes were already pretty low, seeing as how the ingredients made no mention of this containing any cocoa or chocolate flavor…

I decided to try the purple first.

Big mistake.

I struggled to get the damn tin open- it was sealed almost like what I’d picture rations to be. A metal cap set in the center of the lid that I had to pry out with a butter knife.

Eventually, the peculiar purple powder breached containment.

The first thing I noticed was not actually the color, but the smell- of some kind of chemical, almost burning-like.

I added a bit of food-safe glitter because Why The Fuck Not, dusted the required amount over hot water, and let it set.

I was met with a light lavender liquid, with the consistency of used pasta water.

The spoon felt heavier than it should have. The smell was still there.

I began to fear the worst.

And carefully, I took the first sip. There was my second mistake.

There was no chocolate flavor. Hell, there was barely any flavor at all. But what was there was that chemical smell- now reborn as taste- alongside a sickening sweetness.

I had to purge it.

But I still had the other tin to test.

Frightful indeed.

This tin was sealed the same way, and when I managed to unseal it, I was greeted by the same chemical smell, albeit a bit fainter.

The powder inside was near pigmentless, a pale white compared to the lavender of the other tin. I tried a bit without water, and to my surprise, I almost could taste something akin to chocolate flavoring.

“Maybe this one won’t be so bad,” I foolishly assured myself. And so I prepared another mug of hot water, poured in the serving size, and let it set. No food glitter this time.

Coloration of pumpkin soup. Same consistency as the other batch… and yet again, I was assailed by that stench.

One last time, I braved to taste it.

Vile. Sickeningly sweet with undertones of chemicals and the feeling that anything resembling chocolate was in another fucking area code.

Once again, I had to purge it.

I am sorry for what I put you through, little pumpkin mug.

Oh, but if only that was the end of this nightmare. But alas, when I awoke this morning- bright and early because of adult responsibilities- a familiar specter of scent greeted me.

The foul stench of this culinary heresy had settled upon my vessel, rooted itself within my very being!

In consuming this accursed nectar, in breaching the wards that kept it from our mortal realm… I released a monster.

It follows. It lingers. And the herald of its doom… is the faintest smell of artificial sweeteners.