I Need A Malewife

i need a malewife

it is surprising to me how many people that i asked admitted to only not committing murder because of the effort and the risk of actually doing it. i find this distressing

i think humor peaked when we realized uranus sounds like “your anus”

did anyone else feel the shift earlier today? it felt like a veil was lifted and it seemed to put a lot of people in a good mood. on second thought maybe there was a gas leak.

we need to romanticize technology more. “i’m gonna ft u” no. your going to use your image conjurer to transmit invisible waves through the great metal spires that then broadcast your likeness to my image conjurer

list of things you can say to someone if you have rbf and they ask you if you’re ok/what’s wrong

- “just thinking about capitalism”

- “i was trying to listen. you know they say it strikes when least expected”

- “there’s a bug. u can’t see it though”

- “i was imagining who i would execute if i was king”

- “oh, it’s just my mom/dad (do not elaborate)”

- “i was just remembering fucking your mom last night.” *wince*

- “sorry. i was trying to telepathically communicate with the clone of me that’s still in the lab”

please add on if u think of any