[12:27 Am]

[12:27 am]

"are you okay?” those are the first words that leave best friend!jaehyun’s mouth as soon as he sees you.

your lip quivers. you thought you’d done a decent job of a poker face, even in front of your best friend. “y-yeah, i’m fine.”

his eyes are filled with concern as he sits down on the couch next to you. “you’re definitely not. come on, spill.”

you bite your lip as it quivers even more, threatening to start a flood of tears. “j-jaehyun, you know, nothing’s wrong. i don’t want to burden you on your only day off in two weeks.”

“you’re not burdening me at all,” he says, and overlaps your hand with his. he stares into your eyes, and you can see your reflection from his pretty brown irises. gosh, do you really look that sad? “i want to know if something’s bothering you because i love you.”

that does it. a tear falls from your eyes without your consent - then another and another and another. you’re crying uncontrollably at once, and jaehyun silently pulls you in for a hug.

you cry into his shoulder, and he rubs your back soothingly. you can’t calm down, and muffle your crying with his shoulder. “i-i,” you say, hiccuping and heaving your breaths.

“shh,” jaehyun says, rubbing your back. “it’s okay. you don’t have to talk right now if you’d rather cry.”

he knows you so well. you silently sob into his shoulder, your arms wrapped around his neck. jaehyun pats your back soothingly, murmuring “it’s okay” and “i love you” into your hair for as long as you need him to. he just wants you to feel better whenever you’re ready to.

childhood friend!mark - friends to lovers

you’d liked childhood friend!mark for as long as you can remember. you had fallen in love at first sight from the very moment your toddler self had met him in the sandbox of your preschool’s playground. you had been new to the class, but mark smiled at you with those lovable, brown sparkling eyes, and shouted to ask if you wanted to make a sandcastle with him. you felt the first butterflies in your stomach of your entire life, and giddily shouted back “yeah!” as the two of you plopped down in the sand together. at the end of the day, you told mark you liked him - a sweet phrase neither of you really knew the meaning of. you just thought it was what you felt, and you’d always been very honest. mark just laughed and asked you to play sandcastle with him the next day, too. 

at the beginning of elementary school, mark had many close friends while you had only him. mark seemed a bit more distant, though - maybe it was because the boys were saying the girls had cooties. mark didn’t want his friends to think he had cooties, but he assured you that he was absolutely sure neither of you had cooties. you told mark you liked him again in first grade, and he said he thought you were a cool bro. it wasn’t serious, though; you just wanted to tell him what you felt because you’d always been very honest. but you regretted telling him when mark became distant and even moved to new york. you were heartbroken, and sent him emails - through mark’s email watermelonisawesome0822 - practically every day telling him how upset you were that he had left without telling you, how things were like back in canada and how much you missed him. the only response you’d ever gotten over the five years you’d emailed him was a week before he moved - i miss you too. i’m coming back really soon. you had been elated to see mark again, to see his bright lovable eyes and hear his laugh ring in the lunchroom.

unfortunately for you, middle school was different. mark attracted attention from the moment he stepped into school - probably because he was from another country, but also probably because he was so sweet and charming. well, at least you thought so. mark was awkward with you, though you’d never been as happy to see him. you were so excited to finally see him that you ran to hug him on his first day of school - and immediately remembered that he became flustered when you hugged him. he stammered nervously when your friends and classmates asked if he was your boyfriend. you laughed and shook your head almost regretfully because deep inside, you knew you still liked him. you talked to mark throughout middle school, but you weren’t in the same friend group and naturally grew a bit distant. 

your family had to move back to korea after middle school, and you were almost devastated to hear that you had to leave your friends - and mark - behind. when you told mark, though, his eyes widened as he told you that he was also moving to korea because he wanted to become a trainee. you were thrilled and laughed as you hugged him again, quickly detaching yourself when you remembered he didn’t like hugs. you were so overjoyed that the third confession just spilled from your lips. “oh my god, i really like you!” mark immediately became flustered, his cheeks flushing red and stammering. your eyes became the size of saucers as you recalled your words. you had been honest, but you hadn’t meant to push him away again. you immediately apologized, and told him honestly that you did mean it, but you still wanted to be friends with him. mark smiled, his cheeks still cherry red, and shyly thanked you for being honest and told you that friends sounded great.

from that moment, you were a bit more free to confess at random moments. truthfully, there were more moments you told mark you liked him because you wanted to see his cute cheeks flush red than moments you confessed because you really meant it. you told him at the airport, through text messages, through calls and on line for smoothies at mcdonald’s, finding the way his cheeks slowly reddened adorable. by this point, it was almost an everyday occurrence for you to tell mark you liked him, but mark’s reaction never got boring and you knew your heart had stayed the same.

at korea, mark became a trainee with a very busy practice schedule. the only time the two of you could really talk was at school - where luckily you were placed in the same class. mark asked you not to confess to him in front of the other students in case a rumor started, and you agreed for his career. you couldn’t keep yourself from whispering the words to him when no one was listening, though, giggling silently when mark pushed you away gently with flaming cheeks and a flustered expression. you resisted the urge to kiss those cheeks, then froze at the realization that you wanted to kiss mark for the first time in your life. maybe this was more than liking him. 

something tugged at your heart, and you struggled to keep your usual attitude with mark. he didn’t have the capacity to notice, though, with his constant training. after months after you realized you liked mark more than a simple like, you decided you wouldn’t be able to handle the heartbreak if you fell in love with him. 

frankly, you were already in love with him. it was obvious in the way you looked at him with hearts spilling from your eyes, the way you smiled whenever he laughed, the way every word he said clung to your mind. it was obvious in the way you always carried watermelon chapstick, in the way the only keychain on your backpack was a mini baby cheetah plushie, in the way you wore the friendship bracelet mark had made all his friends in elementary school every single day. 

you were tired of getting your heart broken every time mark refused to answer to your confessions or disregarded them as jokes entirely, and you were scared that mark would really shatter your heart one day. so you asked your friend to introduce you to someone else - anyone else that could take your mind off mark. she introduced you to a cute boy a grade above you who thought you were cute, and it worked for a while. the two of you texted constantly for weeks, called at midnight, went out on “friendly dates,” and did all the pre-couple things you wished you could do with mark. mark definitely noticed, as one of your closest friends. you felt your heart crack when mark grinned at you and the older boy laugh during a recess break, giving you a big thumbs-up. did mark really not know how much you liked him?

after three months of talking with the older boy, you thought it could work out. when you were with him, there were moments when you forgot you loved mark, moments you forgot about how much he’d like the café the two of you were at, moments you forgot about how badly he’d wanted to see the movie the two of you were seeing. the day the older boy publicly confessed to you in class, though, you almost thought you’d seen something you’d never seen before in mark’s eyes. you shrugged it off, smiled at the older boy, and teasingly told him you’d tell him your answer over call that night, to which the class erupted in cheerful anticipation.

that night, mark called you for the first time in weeks. you were surprised to see his contact name buzzing from the screen of your phone, and even more surprised when the older boy’s call rang at the same time. you would have to decline one and accept the other.

you almost sobbed when you realized you still wanted to accept mark’s call. you took a deep breath before pressing the green accept button to mark’s call. 

“hello?”

[hey, is this (y/n)?]

you laughed. “yeah, who else would it be?”

[i-i don’t know. it’s just been a while,] mark muttered, a bit flustered. there was a short, nervous giggle over the phone. [what are you doing?]

“i was gonna call someone,” you said honestly, “i just got ready to go to sleep.”

[o-oh. i guess it’s that boy? who c-confessed to you today?] mark said, and it’s the shakiest sentence you’d ever heard from him.

“yeah,” you replied. “um, is there something wrong, mark? that you want to tell me about?” mark was always more of a texting person, and never called unless there was an emergency.

[not really,] another short, nervous giggle. [um, i just wanted to call you for the first time in a while.]

you really hated how your heart jumped out of your chest the moment he’d said those words. “that’s really nice, mark,” you said, not being able to fully filter the sarcasm from your voice. “i’m going to hang up if you don’t have anything else to say - i need to call someone.”

[um,] mark said, a small whisper. [i do have um, something to say.]

“what is it?” you practically snapped. you knew it wasn’t his fault you liked him so much, but you couldn’t help but let a bit of your anger out on him.

[wait, don’t hang up. um, i don’t know how to say this.] there was a small silence on his end. 

“just say it, mark,” you sighed. mark had always been careful with his words, but you just wanted him to get it over with already so you could hang up and he could stop breaking your heart.

[okay, okay. i um,] a deep breath, [i like you, (y/n). wait, no, shit. it’s a more than that. like, i love you. well, it’s the first time i’ve said that to someone other than my parents, so i’m not really really sure if this is love, but i think it’s love and,] he stopped himself. [i love you.]

you forgot to breathe.

[i don’t know why this is coming to me just now,] mark said, and you could hear that he truly meant it in his voice, [but when i see you with someone else, i think i get, like, really jealous. and i can’t stop thinking about you, i can’t stop thinking about what you’re doing all the time, what you want to eat right now, what i can bring to make you smile, what i can like, say to make you laugh.] he gulped. it was obvious that mark was practically shaking from his voice and from his amplified habit of using his favorite filler word. [sorry, that was a lot cheesier than i meant it to be and i know you probably like that guy a lot. i’m really late and i-]

“i like you, mark,” you blurted, “i love you.”

[oh, shit. wait, really?] mark blurted, surprised. [you don’t understand how happy i am right now. wow, um, wow!] you could practically see him jumping around in his dark blue-themed room.

you laughed, tears in your eyes. you’d just heard the three words you’d longed to hear from his lips all your life. “no, mark, i don’t think you understand how happy i am.”

[maybe we’re both so happy we don’t understand each other,] he said, and you could practically hear the grin in his voice. he giggled. [oh fuck, i love you so fucking much.]

“i love you too,” you giggled as the two of you plunged into lively conversation, the rest of the world forgotten as you laughed into the night.

thank you so much for 200!

whoa. i’m so grateful for every single person, thank you! 

i promise i’m working on a longer au right now and that’s why i’ve been inactive 🥺 but please always feel free to send requests and i want to interact more with you guys 🥺 tell me about your day! thank you again :)

hi everyone just wanted to share the news that nct dream is (kinda) FIXED UNIT!! as in they’ll be doing activities under nct u but with the same members as nct dream right now + mark!

this is really recent news bc it came out less than an hour ago 😳 and probably hasn’t been translated yet but i just wanted to share it with you all 🥺🥺

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tw: violence, stalking, sexual assault

hi my friends, i’m sorry for bothering you about this again but i truly don’t know what to do. yesterday i opened up briefly about what had happened to me but the truth is that my situation is a little more serious than how i initially made it out to be. 

my boyfriend (i’ll refer to him as “jay”) and i have been together on and off for the past six months. everything was fine at first but a couple weeks after we started dating, i was raped by his roommate. i won’t go into the details but when jay found out, he completely changed. we started living together afterwards but he wouldn’t let me go anywhere without his permission. he went through my phone every night, he constantly accused me of cheating on him, he even threatened to tell my parents about what had happened. we took a trip to korea during winter break but ended up breaking up on my birthday. at this point, he no longer lived with me because his roommate had moved out, and so i thought that things would get better after separating. but shortly after returning to the states, i started receiving threatening letters in the mail. my little sister also started receiving these letters and even received a box that contained photos of me, photos of her, photos of my family ㅡ all taken from my social media and all with my face scratched out. i reached out to the police, but they said that i didn’t have enough evidence to file a restraining order against him. they did, however, question him about what was going on, and all of these events stopped happening after that.

he reached out to me after a month and apologized for everything he had done. he apologized for mistreating me and told me that he missed me and that he would never do anything to hurt me again, and i believed him. everything seemed okay until a couple of days ago when i found out that he had been cheating on me. i broke up with him immediately, but he kept calling me and my sister (who is currently staying with my grandparents). we both blocked him, but he showed up to my house at 3am. he used the spare key that i’d given him to enter my house, and he began yelling at me for breaking up with him. we started fighting and when i took his house key from him, things quickly escalated and turned physical. he threw my laptop over the railing from the second floor of my house, he broke my glasses in half, he threw pictures and books at me, and he sexually assaulted me at knifepoint.

thankfully my neighbor was still awake and came over to check up on me because she had heard us screaming at each other. jay left immediately but i explained to my neighbor what had happened and she drove me to the police station to file a report. when i told the police what had happened, they told me that there wasn’t a strong case and had even implied that it was “just a young couple’s fight” and that he had raped me to “make up with me”. my neighbor took me to the hospital to get me tested but since i don’t have insurance, the bill ended up being over $800.

one of my close friends came over and spent the night just in case jay came back. nothing happened overnight but about an hour ago, he showed up. my friend answered the door while i stayed in my room, but i could clearly hear him shouting and threatening to come back and find me if i ever ran. he left and now i’m here making this post.

the reason why i’m writing all of this is because jay has established a pattern of harming me and i’m terrified that he will harm me again. i have the option of staying with my grandparents, but they live 8 hours away and i literally do not have enough money to fill up my car. i also do not have enough money to replace my glasses (this isn’t a huge problem because i wear contacts but i’m down to my last box, which will only last me for another two weeks) or to replace my laptop (my summer classes start in june and they’re all online).

i really hate asking this of you guys but if you have a dollar or two you can spare, would you consider donating to help me? my paypal is paypal.me/seosoojin, any amount is extremely helpful. i know that times are especially tough now and so if you aren’t able to, that is absolutely completely okay! i do not want you to feel obligated to do anything you’re uncomfortable with so please do not donate if you aren’t able to! focus on yourself first and make sure that you are safe and taken care of! if you aren’t able to donate, please consider reblogging this post to help spread the word about my situation. it would mean so, so much to me.

tldr: my ex-boyfriend raped me, broke my laptop and my glasses, has been continuing to threaten me, and has shown up to my house unannounced. i have the option of staying with my grandparents, but they live hours away and i don’t have enough money to drive there or to replace my glasses / my laptop. 

thank you guys so much for taking time to read this. you guys have done nothing but support me and love me and i sincerely hope you know how much you mean to me. i love you guys! stay safe!