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my gender is a mistake

John Egbert general headcannons

have you ever SEEN someone so loving? No. He literally loves you so much

You both meet on Earth, before sburb

He introduces you to all of his friends

whether or not you’re An online friend or depends on how quickly your relationship progresses

If you’re an online friend you’re going to have to wait till sburb to start

Which means you’ll meet each when you’re both finally godteir. But if you’re an irl friend he’s going to make you spend the entire game with him

It’s not even in the “I want you as mine and only mine” he just wants to protect you. Sburb is dangerous and he just wants to keep you safe

When you’re both together on the asteroid he was just so confused on why he was so jealous whenever you talked to anyone! He just watched from and far and went to complain to rose.

“I don’t know why I feel so jealous when they talk to karkat!”

“Maybe it’s because you’re in love with them”

“I’m WHAT?!”

Ceo of being a stupid idiot

One he realizes his feelings he makes stupid pranks for you to slowly figure out his feelings, like leaving you roses which squirt water

He starts being nicer to you too. He starts being less him, which sucks.

“Hey! Umm... do you want to,,, ya know... go on a date...?”

“John, if course! But is this why you’ve been acting so strange? I love you, not this persona you put on. I love you.”

He’s crying.

Now if you’re a male, remember he’s the CEO of internalized homophobia so if you want to date him you’re going to have to help him first, this goes for you too my female and enbies, he’s been raised with toxic masculinity and he always has to force his smile. So be caring and patient.

Once you start dating you’re going to have to help him with his nightmares. He has a lot of dreams of his dad and he sometimes feels like he isn’t enough. He’s numb to a lot of things so you’re going to have to support him

Dates in the sky. What can I say? He tries to impress you. He literally makes a table and chairs out of wind. One time you almost fell and died

Yeah that was fun.

You didn’t talk to him for the rest of the day

CUDDLES with every literal limb of his body, if you try to leave he pulls you back in with the wind and keeps you there for a few minutes

But if you’re uncomfortable with body touches or cuddles he mostly just holds Your hand and kisses you gently on the cheek

He would never make you uncomfortable

He loves playing pranks on you to get your attention! Just silly sweet ones. Like leaving chocolate and letting you step on it.

He loves giving you long drawn out kisses whenever he can

Overall, 10/10 would recommend CEO of being babey

Your headcanons are like??? Phenomenal??? If you did anything for Caliborn, I'd appreciate it to heck and back, but just whohever you're comfortable with in general!!

Thank you so much! ❤️❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺 I’ve never written for caliborn so I’m having my friend proof read this cause I need to make sure I get him right! I hope you like it!

CALIBORN GENERAL HEADCANNONS

This motherfuck holy shit. He’s a real c r e e p, he doesn’t even have an explanation for being a creep he just is. He always manages to get a way to watch you.

Wether it’s through the terminal or not it up to you. He’s kinda stalkery

One time you were just chillin and a random screen name popped up on your computer “undyingUmbrage” you waited for the person to reply but instead you just got an “OH FuCK I FuCKING MISCLICKED FuCK THIS FuCKING BITCH” and then it saying he disconnected

That was weird but we don’t talk about it.

Him “liking” you goes from,

Being interested in you because you’re ugly and stupid like dirk

Then stalking

Then we wants to talk to you

And the eventually you meet and you both just stare and eachother

He’s creepy

You’re freaked out

Calliope is nice for the most part, she keeps him away for a bit

This dude get practically SLAPPED by dirk being like “dude you’re being weird and creepy. If you like them so much just tell them”

He starts drawing you a lot, thinking about you, wanting to be around because you’re the only person who stands him, so he ends up listening to dirk

It’s bad. He almost punches you. It’s funny though. You laugh. It goes something like

“HEY BITCH! IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT I’M STILL FuCKING ABOVE YOu. SO YOu’RE GOING TO DO ME THE HONOR OF DOING THE DATING THING WITH ME”

“Okay Cali”

“I TOLD YOu TO STOP FuCKING CALLING ME THAT”

*punch*

“Cali I’m still god tier that didn’t really hurt”

You and dirk have a good laugh about it, so does Calliope, but that’s a secret

You’re dating are mostly you dragging him along to do romantic things. He says he hates it and you but don’t be fooled. He loves having you run around to make sure he’s happy

And on rare Occasions, he brings you dead things, shiny things, anything he thinks youll like. He’s like a crow

He tried to punch you a lot. But it doesn’t hurt and it’s only impulsive, he’ll never ACTUALLY hurt you. Unless he like, stabs you.

He loves to draw you and him and leave it around for you to find. It’s really fucking cute because he can’t draw.

Now lord English is a pack of worms that I’m not going to unpack but just know if you run into him he’s going to be real excited and he WILL try to pick you up. Have fun with that.

He remembers what is was like to be happy, what it was like to be with. So if he’s not trying to smother you with love. He’s going to spare you from a gruesome death

ALSO IF HE TRIED TO CUDDLE YOU SAY YES PLEASE HE NEEDS IT.

His kisses hurt man. Owchie. He’s tries though, he practices on his pillow. Cause he’s like “THEY HAVE SOFT SKIN I CAN’T END uP HuRTING THIS BITCH”

Overall. Shitty Mc shitstains is pretty cool

Dirk x Anxious!Supportive!Reader x Jake

💚 God, Jake is so happy!! He's so happy you love him back - and Dirk, too, heh - but mostly him!!! He's so glad that you're so supportive and understanding, and even encouraging of his behavior towards you! And it's such a relief to not have to do something drastic like kidnap you or anything like that. You really ARE perfect!

🧡 Dirk was happy too, don't get him wrong - ecstatic, actually, borderline euphoric - but unlike Jake, he felt more… Guilty. He loved you so much, and felt horrible about taking advantage of you like this. It broke his heart. But his need for you to be all his (and Jake's) was far more overpowering than his moral quandaries.

💚 They're more than willing to stay inside with you - all day, every day, FOREVER!!! - just curled up together on the couch or bed, with you smushed between them. Jake is more vocal during this, running his fingers through your hair and telling you how much he loves you and complimenting you, waxing poetic about your love. Dirk, however, is much more quiet. When he's holding you, snuggled into your side, and breathing in you scent, that is his own personal heaven. It's perfect. You're perfect.

🧡 If someone comes looking around, asking where you are, Dirk will most likely be the one to confront them. It'll be casual, and if they ask him if he knows where you are, he'll deny it. He doesn't know why he needs to lie. Neither him nor Jake kidnapped you - you came to them of your own free will. But… he doesn't want anyone trying to see you but him or Jake. You're theirs… Plus, he doesn't want anyone getting hurt because of him, because Jake isn't as much of a pacifist as Dirk.

💚 If Jake sees that this person is still looking around for you, he won't hesitate to disappear into the night and come back bathed in blood. A body, almost completely filled with bullets and dotted with bullet holes will be found the next day. It feels so good to Jake to kill for you!!

🧡 Also, these boys have been isolated for most of their lives, so don't expect to get even a second alone. And they're both just as clingy and anxious, so they understand how you feel! If you ever get upset or anxious, please vent to them! They want to help and love you so much! All they want is for you to feel loved and happy!

sorry to bother you again so soon but,,, I recall you mentioning one John Egbert was touchstarved... may I smother him with affection and compliments?

Please do oh my god. Also I don’t mind! Request as much as you want! I’m making this both fanfic style and headcannons so enjoy!

Touch starved John Egbert

John wasn’t answering your texts, it worries you to no end. He hasn’t talk to anyone in days. That’s why you’re currently running towards his house at full speed. Barging through the door, you got no answer. You looked around. No one. You walked up stairs and heard sniffles coming from his room. You immediately ran inside. What if he was hurt? He was laying on his bed in a featal position. Crying. You immediately ran over to him and cradled him in your arms, “hey john? Are you okay?” He didn’t reply.

You starts to kiss away his tears. “You’re going to be okay. You’re so amazing. Please, I love you.” He still didn’t say anything to you as he held onto you. He kissed your cheek and neck lovingly as he cried onto you. “Thank you.”

John was, to say the least, so estatic you were there.

You cared about him enough to come to his house and comfort him. He wanted to stay in that moment forever.

The way you complemented him and held him in your arms just made him feel. He felt amazing, refreshed for the first time in a long long time.

He asked you to stay the night. You did. He held onto you all night. And now? He’s always hugging or holding your hand whenever he can. You love him. And he loves you. He just... doesn’t know how to say it yet