Part 8 On Ao3

Part 8 on ao3

For my perimenopause transmascs waffling about starting T

42 year old transmasc enby, only recently decided to start T because I'm fucking tired of getting misgendered as a woman - I had my first shot a little more than two weeks ago.

Meanwhile, I've been dealing with perimenopause symptoms for more than two years - hot flashes at night, and other weird shit. I also had the vague notion that perimenopause was fucking with my mental health - in the past couple of years I've had to increase my brain meds to pretty high dosages, and I never was entirely happy with how they were working.

But it was also impossible to quantify how much of that could be perimenopause and how much was just Going Through It with:

Going no contact with my mom for being a fucking transphobe

Getting laid off in April

Parenting a neurodivergent 12 year old

Dealing with a resurgence of dysphoria and deciding to do more medical transition

And I'm here to tell you all that shit about T MAKES YOU ANGRIER is just. Like. Scaremongering????? Because 2 weeks in I feel more clear-headed than I have in the last three years.

Which honestly feels pretty:

For real, I didn't realize the amount of brain fog I was dealing with until I woke up a couple days ago and went... wait. Why is everything.... not foggy????

So. Yeah. 42 year old transmasc enby who waffled for years about T, have struggled with my mental health for a few years and assumed it wasn't related to perimenopause, and two weeks into doing T I feel more clear-headed than I have in a long-ass time.

BTW today I met a person who's at least 50, uses they/it pronouns, and named themself Wyvern. It looks like if Santa was a biker and it plays D&D at the local library. Just a reminder that you can do whatever you want, forever.

Changing my name again because I didn't do it right the first time (I thought I'd be fine having my deadname as my "government name" and my chosen name as my middle name. WOW was that ever not the case.)

Asked my friends for suggestions for middle names that started with A, and now I have a dilemma because here's just some of what they gave me:

Arsenal

Atticus

Achilles

Axel

Apocalypse

Archeopteryx

One of the dudes at my kung fu school is being really sweet and earnest in trying to support me about starting HRT, since I've been worried about how people will react.

(To be clear, everyone was chill and supportive when I came out as trans and changed my name three years ago But being NB, I know that there are going to be folks who are weird in a well intentioned but clueless kind of way)

Anyway, he just sent me this message and. Like. If a 50+ white guy martial artist can be like this, it gives me hope that maybe it won't always be this terrible.

The text:

Thought of you the other day watching Star Trek Voyager.

And the Vulcan IDIC.

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations

From ChatGPT:

The Vulcan IDIC, or "Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations" is a concept from the Star Trek universe, specifically from the Vulcan culture. It represents the idea that the vast array of differences in the universe, whether in terms of species, philosophies, or cultures, is a source of strength and beauty. The symbol of the IDIC is a circle overlaid with a triangle, with a gemstone in the center, representing the harmony of diversity within unity.

The IDIC is a core value of Vulcan philosophy, emphasizing the value of understanding, respecting, and embracing the differences that make up the universe, rather than seeking to eliminate or homogenize them. This concept signs with the Vulcan principle of logic, as diversity is seen as a necessary component of a complete and logical understanding of the universe.