Not Really Katsumi

Not Really Katsumi

Retsu hasn’t really met many other Kaioh’s in his lifetime, as most of them remained in China while he bounced back and forth between Bailin Temple and the ShinShinKai in Japan. Therefore he was more than surprised when he saw Katsumi standing in the hallway with the famous Poison Hand User, Li Kaioh.

When did he fly to China? And how did he lose that much weight?

“Katsumi?”

He halted in his tracks, staring confusedly at the back of his head from the distance until Li Kaioh awkwardly cleared his throat and whispered something in Chinese to the other man.

Strange. When did Katsumi learn Chinese?

“Retsu! There you are, I had something to discuss with you!” Baki sprinted up to him with a tired smile on his face, effectively drawing his attention away from the pair. “Oh, hey Katsumi. Talk to you later!” The scrawny teenager waved and pulled Retsu away, missing the moment when “Katsumi” turned around.

“Who were they talking to?” Han Kaioh asked his brother, who could only shake his head with a puzzled look on his face. “Does ‘Katsumi’ mean something in Japanese?”

“No idea. Perhaps they were calling you ugly.”

“Mm, unlikely unless it was directed at you dear brother. Even if you are the younger one you still look a decade older,” he laughed lightly at the expression on Li’s face as a tick popped out on his forehead. It would be quite unfortunate if he got poisoned tonight, wouldn’t it?

“Oh don’t look at me like that brother, I was just kidding. Kind of. Hm, not really. Seriously though, what is a ‘Katsumi’?”

***

It wasn’t until later that they were in the same room did Retsu finally get a good look at who he had originally assumed was the thick-set karate practitioner from the ShinShinKai, though the only distinguishing features were probably his thinner eyebrows and leaner body. Everything about Katsumi Orochi was large, from his boulder of a fist to his non-existent waist, courtesy of a heavily muscled and wide torso. The man was honestly built like a goddamn tree trunk.

Even with all the differences (all two differences), he still heavily resembled Katsumi, and Retsu was subtly wondering how to get a picture of him to show his friend when he got back.

“Brother, Retsu Kaioh is staring at you again,” Li Kaioh glanced over shoulder, catching his eye and quickly looking away. It began to dawn on Retsu that he may be looking like a creep with his constant staring, and it didn’t help that when he first tried to talk to him the first words out of his mouth were in Japanese. All because he looked so much like goddamn Katsumi.

“Just don’t make eye contact Li,” Han sighed. “I hope I don’t have to fight him later. Mixing crazy with genius never ends up well.”

Muscle Heads: Ohma x Raian

Chapter 4: FishFace

A resounding splash sent the sparkling trout flying away from where the hunter stood, grumbling angrily as another splash sent water cascading through the air.

"Will you stop that, you bastard?"

"And who's gonna fucking make me, huh?" Kure Raian laughed maniacally as he launched another huge boulder across the lake like he was chucking a bawling newborn. (Assuming that any mother would let him within twenty feet of their children.)

Ohma exhaled irritably as his partner continued flinging rocks and even a few trees like an over-hyper child, creating massive waves in the lake possibly just to annoy him and disrupt his fishing.

After ten minutes, he was sure that there were no fish nor any edible aquatic creature within a quarter mile. A vein throbbed on his temple but he was determined not to give Raian what he wanted, instead heatedly shuffling to a new location further away to fish in peace. The sound of water sloshing in the distance behind made Ohma ground his teeth so hard he felt something shift in his jaw. The black-eyed douchebag must have followed him, confirmed by the rock glancing his ear.

Rocks tumbled underfoot as Raian charged at him.

Without missing a beat, Ohma grabbed a large, green trout and whipped his arm around where he assumed Raian was running toward.

A wet, audible smack resonated through the forest as the fish met the pale cheek of Kure Raian at fifty miles an hour.

The forest went silent.

"You bastard did you just..." Raian stared in disbelief, almost not believing what had happened. The trout hung broken in half in Ohma's hand.

He had turned back around to face the river without a word as if he hadn't just bitch slapped the devil of the Kure clan with a fish.

Raian clenched and unclenched his fist, unsure of what to do. His brain had shortcircuited the moment the stupid thing had come in contact with his face. No one had ever been so bold and lived.

"Are you gonna keep standing there or what?" Ohma said without turning his head.

That seemed to release the trigger on whatever spell Raian had been trapped under and he lunged blindly at the broad back of the man sitting at the edge of the river.

Unfortunately for Raian, Ohma seemed to predict that move. He bent forward and Raian went flying over his head in a nosedive straight into the river. He spluttered in shock for a second before roaring in rage, a vein pulsating dangerously in his forehead.

In the second that Raian had been submerged, Ohma had disappeared to god knows where. He was one fast bastard.

Raian spent the next few hours prowling all up and down the riverbed, yelling insults at the top of his lungs until dusk began to fall.

Defeated, he eventually stormed back to the Kure Manor to go soothe his wounded pride. (Destroy something)

The rest of the Kure family sensing his silent seething rage as he entered scattered like bugs as Raian blew through the halls with the force of a category-five hurricane.

Unbeknownst to him, Ohma had long moved to one of the many rivers on the complete other side of the Kure territory to fish in peace where the echoes of his rage couldn't reach him.

                                                    ***

"What happened to your face?" Fusui stood on her tiptoes to get a closer look at the pink torpedo-shaped mark on his cheek.

"Nothing." Raian glared at the sushi that was set in front of him, made from the trout that Ohma had caught earlier that day. "I'll kill that fucking asshole."

Ohma was predictably absent that night. 

Attack on Titan Short Story Collection: Fireworks

"Alright you brats!" Captain Levi shouted over all the commotion of the gathered recruits. "We'll be trying some different training today." A dangerous smirk crossed his features, and Erwin stalked up behind him, holding a large bag. All the teenagers gulped when they saw the expression on the short man's face.

Soldiers who were lucky enough to not be dragged into this special training snickered to each other from behind the windows of the surrounding buildings, and it seemed as if everyone except the people involved, namely Eren and the others from the 104th Cadet Core, seemed to know what was going on.

"Hey guys," Jean whispered uneasily. "Why does the Captain look so happy?"

"I don't know, but it's creeping me out," Connie responded, shivering in anticipation. The last time Captain Levi had smiled was when there had been a sale on cleaning supplies in town two months ago, and he hadn't smiled since.

It wasn't exactly a smile to say, it was more of a look that would anyone know that they were completely and utterly screwed.

"Ymir, I'm scared," Christa cried, latching onto her friend.

The brunette seemed mostly unfazed, though she did look somewhat uneasy. "What I'm more concerned with is why Commander Erwin told us to wear our shabbiest casual clothing that we wouldn't mind discarding. I thought we were training."

"What's that short stack planning?" Mikasa growled, narrowing her dark eyes at him.

The new recruits were gathered in the courtyard in front of the castle, apparently preparing for some sort of new exercise. Under the intense stares of their superiors, they huddled together like a bunch of terrified lambs.

Suddenly, the doors burst forth and the eccentric scientist leaped out, waving around a lighter and drawing out a wave of murmurs from the spectators.

"They're dead meat," Eld commented, the rest of Levi Squad nodding in the background.

"Levi!" She pranced over to the Captain and Commander, who dipped their heads together and shielded whatever they had in their hands from view. The occasional giggle from Hange could be heard, and the teenagers could only wait anxiously for a few minutes before they ended their conversation.

"So," Levi said, turning around to face them. "I've noticed that the majority of you idiots don't know how to dodge properly during training." He looked pointedly to Eren, who yesterday had gotten sent to the infirmary from getting smacked by a fake Titan cutout when they were practicing in the forest.

Swallowing down his fear, the Titan-shifter struggled not to look away as he was pierced by steely gray eyes. He could feel them boring a hole into his soul, causing sweat to drip down face almost enough to rival Bertholdt.

"Thanks, loser." Jean muttered, shooting a glare at the brown-haired boy, who turned to glower back.

"That's why," Levi continued, snapping the two teenagers from their staring match, "We've come up with an alternate exercise to test your abilities."

Turning to look behind him, Eren could see Mike and Moblit each holding the ends of a long rope, walking away from each other and pulling it taunt once they had reached the side of two buildings. Now the recruits were trapped inside the rope-boundary and between the buildings, along with a very intimidating Captain who seemed to eat up their fear.

Erwin dug his hand into the large brown bag he was cradling, slowly drawing out a long, thin cylinder object with a stick protruding from one end.

Is that really what I think it is? Reiner stared in disbelief, and Bertholdt visibly began sweating. Even Sasha had stopped eating a piece of bread she snuck out to stare at the object in the Commander's hand, a visible look of confusion and realization flashing across her face.

At that moment, everyone had a vague suspicion about what was about to go down, but they all prayed to the walls that it wasn't going to happen. Unfortunately, they had no such luck.

"There was a sale on fireworks!" Hange declared gleefully, her eyes gleaming crazily. "So we decided that we should change things up a bit! Make life more interesting, ya know?"

"Since normally you have no incentive to do well during training, how about this? There are five hundred of these fireworks, and I'm not gonna stop until every last one has been used. And by the way, these things hurt like Hell so I don't recommend being hit." Levi warned. "And don't cross the line, or you'll have me to deal with."

Whimpers of fear emitted from them, the other Scouts watching in pity and amusement.

"We're so dead," Eren moaned, giving up all hope of survival.

"And another thing," Levi continued, tossing one of the fireworks up and catching it, the teenagers flinching at the audible smack it made as it met his palm. "I never miss."

"Begin!" Erwin yelled, handing a bundle of twenty-five to Hange, who quickly lit them and passed to Levi. Shrieking, the soldiers all scattered, Jean and Connie sprinting to a tree where they were promptly forced away by senior squad leaders positioned behind the trunk.

"Stay out in the open!"

Finding no other shelter, Christa and Ymir darted behind Reiner and Bertholdt, the largest of all the recruits and who had collective looks of terror on their faces.

"Hey I'm not a meat shield Ymir!" Reiner protested.

"I don't care just protect my Christa with that fat body of yours!" She screamed back, covering the smaller, blonde girl with her arms.

"Fine! And I'm not fat!"

"Is this really the time Reiner?!" Bertholdt wailed as a yellow rocket narrowly whizzed by his face, which he barely managed to avoid.

"I don't think clumping together is gonna help!" Someone hollered from the windows, drawing Levi's attention towards them.

"Oh shit! Scatter!" Reiner howled as seven fireworks were aimed at them. He dove to the side just in time as they flew by where his head had previously been. But it just so happened that Jean was running past behind them, and one of the fireworks rammed into his crotch, where he collapsed screeching in pain.

"Oh God why?!"

Levi focused his attention on another group, the three from Shiganshia. Armin was standing next to Eren and Mikasa, who were in a heated debate about something. Armin, seeing the packet of fireworks being pointed towards them, tugged desperately at Eren sleeve, only to be ignored.

"Eren!" He shook his shoulders desperately, finally getting pulling him away from his argument.

"What?!" Eren whirled around just as two blazing red rockets propelled into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him and searing a hole in his clothes.

"Eren!" Mikasa screamed, dodging a blue one that flew past her face.

Another one hit Armin in the chest, and he too was blown off his feet.

"What is this cynical Hell?!" Connie squealed as a green firework sped past his nose. He wasn't so lucky with the next one though, as it hit him straight in the backside as he was turning around.

"AAAHHHHH!" He hit the ground hard, rolling around in the grass to smother the dying embers.

"Don't touch my bread!" Sasha squawked, jumping over a firework and accidentally shoving two other recruits to the ground. "Oh shoot my bad-"

The freshly-baked food disappeared from her hands as she looked the other way.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" She doubled over sobbing and crawled over to her now badly seared piece of bread, desperately attempting to salvage what was left of it.

"Sasha don't!" Reiner rushed over to try to pry it out of her mouth, bending over and giving Captain Levi the perfect target.

I'll teach you to be so tall, Levi thought jealously as the rocket found its target, a straight bullseye into the six-foot boy's ass.

"OW!" He fell over Sasha, batting out the fire from his singed pants, which fell away to reveal his light blue boxers now turned gray.

I knew the Survey Corps was a bad idea, Bertholdt thought to himself as Levi turned to him, the most obvious target as the tallest in the courtyard, excluding Mike who was observing silently behind the corner of the building and thanking the Walls that he wasn't a recruit anymore. The smoke was annoying his nose quite a bit, but it wasn't every day that you got to watch Humanities' Strongest (And shortest) shoot fireworks at a bunch of terrified teenagers. But to be fair, who wouldn't be?

"Hey Titan," Levi aimed at Bertholdt, who visibly paled and shrunk.

Oh crap does he know-

His train of thought was interrupted as two rockets hit him in the temple and another three hit him in the pelvis, knocking him clean off his feet.

"Only one hundred left!" Erwin bellowed over the chaos; kids were bumping into each other and tumbling down with a firework or few lodged in their clothes. The blue-eyed man whipped out the last one hundred, which looked petrifying. They were twice the size of the regular ones Levi had been shooting, and the ends were in the shapes of sharp points.

"If you can't handle this, you'll never be able to beat the Titans!" Levi began chucking them as they launched, making them twice as fast and hit much harder, and if they thought that the old ones hurt, it was nothing compared to the agony of being hit by one of these monstrosities. The Scouts cringed from the window, smoke rising in the air and assaulting their nostrils.

"Join the Survey Corps they said!" Connie squalled, his pants aflame. "It'll be fun they said!" He ran into Bertholdt, who had just gotten up, catching his clothes on fire too.

"Connie! Bertholdt!" Armin dashed towards them, only to be tripped as Levi hurled one at his feet, and it began exploding in a shower of colorful sparks and loud booms.

"Oh yeah! I forgot we had those!" Hange whooped, shaking Levi just as he released another one, which flew towards the building to his left. Olou and Gunther jumped back from the window just in time as it blew into a thousand sparks, knocking back into Petra and Eld and the Levi Squad all fell unceremoniously into a pile on the floor.

"Don't touch me shitty glasses!" Levi snarled. "Or I'll shove one of these things down your damn throat!"

Laughing, Hange danced out of reach and went to hide behind Erwin. Rolling his eyes, he went back to demolishing the recruits. He could always deal with her any other day, but it's not every day you get to play dodgeball with fireworks. Well, one-sided dodgeball.

"You couldn't tell us earlier they exploded?!" Eren roared, immediately regretting it as Levi started directing all his strength towards knocking the angry teenager down.

"Augh!" One skimmed the top of his head as he evaded a firework at the last second.

"Last one!" Erwin declared, bringing something out from behind his back. It looked like an actual bomb.

"You're going to throw a bomb at us?!"

"Of course not," The Commander chuckled, handing it to Levi. "He is. Once it explodes, there's a coin inside. Whoever catches that coin will be excused from their chores for a week."

"WHAT?!" The effect was instantaneous. Everyone scrambled up, looking fixedly at the object in Levi's hand. He waved it from side to side and they all followed.

"Tch, brats." Tensing up his muscles, he heaved it into the sky where it disappeared from view.

"Get ready!"

It came back down, combusting into pieces fifty feet above their heads. A glint of gold could be seen flying towards them, and they bolted after it.

The coin whistled through the air towards the two superiors, and a stampede of feet followed after them. They were so entranced that they bulldozed right into Erwin and Levi, the latter who was swept up in a tidal wave of bodies. All the Scouts held their breaths as everyone toppled into one big heap on the grass, Levi and Erwin at the very bottom. The entire clearing was silent.

Then, a very pissed off "Get the fuck off me!" could be heard from beneath the recruits, and people rushed to get off spewing apologies and begging for their lives.

"Who got the coin?"

"I'm so sorry!"

"Please don't kill me!"

"Where is it?"

"Get off of him!"

"HEY!" Reiner shouted over the noise, and everyone quieted down a bit. "Who's got the coin?"

He was met with empty stares as everyone swiveled their heads to look at each other and holding up their coinless hands.

"I don't have it."

"Me neither."

"Same."

"Then who the Hell has it?" Jean demanded, glowering.

"I do." A low baritone rumbled, and everyone's hopes and dreams for a relaxing week was plummeted into the darkest recesses of their minds.

Levi held up the coin, smirking triumphantly. A chorus of sighs and complaints erupted.

"Is that even allowed Commander?"

"This has got to be a joke!"

"But he likes chores!"

"Come on!"

Connie and Sasha looked like they were on the verge of tears, and no one appeared much better. Soot and dirt covered their bodies from head to toe, and the majority of their clothes contained blackened holes. Bertholdt had fallen into a horse trough, leaving the gentle giant completely drenched. Christa and Ymir were covered head to toe in mud, and even Mikasa wasn't able to leave unscathed.

"Well I didn't say who was qualified to catch it." Erwin smiled apologetically.

"If you all want it that badly, you're free to fight me for it. If you win, you can have it." Levi flipped the coin in his hand, glaring challengingly at the teenagers surrounding him. "And if one of you brats really can beat me, then I'll extend it to a month."

They all looked at each other, weighing their options. He had to be tired from firing all those rockets, right? Right?

"C-can we fight in doubles?" Armin asked meekly.

"Whatever, sure."

"Mikasa?"

"No thanks," She shook her head. "I don't feel like it and I don't mind the chores that much." The truth was, one of the fireworks had ripped the waistband of her pants, and she didn't really want to fight singlehanded while the other held up her clothes.

"Reiner?"

He seemed to contemplate it for a second, before saying, "Only if someone else fights with me."

"Bertholdt! You were third in the entire 104th!" Connie urged, nudging the quiet boy.

"What?! No thanks! Uh, Eren why don't you? You were one of the best at hand-to-hand combat!"

"Um...."

"Come on! At least try!" Ymir encouraged, though she only wanted to see him get his ass kicked.

Flashbacks of the courtroom flew through Eren's mind, before he was rudely interrupted.

"Are we doing this or not? I don't have all damn day!" Levi spat, crossing his arms. Everyone stared at him expectantly, and he knew if he didn't do it Jean would mock him for the rest of eternity.

Swallowing, Eren finally agreed, though he would rather face a Titan emptyhanded. "Fine! I'll do it! Reiner! Let's go!"

"I've gotta see this!" Hange darted out, followed by other excited Survey Corps members.

"Alright then I guess-" Reiner hit the floor so fast that no one even saw Levi move. Everyone backed up a few steps, leaving Eren the only one within twenty feet of the world's strongest man.

"Um i-is it too late to back out now? Captain?" Eren, cowered back, preparing to have every bone in his body shattered and rearranged.

"Yes, brat."

From that day forth, there was an Eren-shaped dent next to the pavement, a grim reminder to humanity to not mess with the Captain scarier than Titans.

Muscle Heads: Ohma x Raian

Chapter 1: Shut up, Raian

“Oi brat, wake up.” A large fist rapped on the Japanese-styled door separating the man and his neighbor; the occupant still fast asleep on the other side. He waited impatiently for a few seconds before knocking again.

“Hey,” Ohma Tokita raised his voice this time, eye twitching slightly as the sound of Kure Raian’s intense snoring somehow increased in volume.

Noisy idiot.

It was the middle of the night, the only light illuminating the room was thin, slivers of silver moonshine slipping through the curtains. The lithe fighter had about all he could take from his neighbor’s incessant snoring, if it could even be called that. It sounded like a motor engine malfunctioning, dying down every now and again only to suddenly start back up. Raian woke him up three times already, three times in the last five hours, and at this point he was on the verge of throttling him in his sleep. 

As expected, Raian wasn’t exactly the quietest roommate, but it wasn’t exactly like he had much of a choice. The main Kure mansion was mostly full, with the only room left at the end of this hallway a joint room next to Raian. Ohma could guess why his room was the only one unoccupied. Raian, the troublemaker that he was, liked to train late at night, meaning midnight or after, and oftentimes Ohma could hear him smashing something at one in the damn morning, a peal of his familiar cackling laugh piercing his peaceful slumber. For the sake of the old man Erioh who let him live there without rent, he grit his teeth and bore with it. And boy was it hard sometimes.

There’s free food here, Ohma reminded himself. Free food and all the strong fighters anyone could wish for. 

The first day he had moved in after his surgery he had found Raian squatting and looming over him at three a.m., staring down at him with a silent, toothy grin on his face right next to his futon. Ohma never thought there would be anyone weirder than Kiryu Setsuna until then, and in a sleepy haze he threw a sloppy punch that Raian easily dodged. And then that fucker proceeded to jump out his window. In his defense, Ohma was still a bit woozy from the medication for his heart and wasn’t expecting Raian of all people to break into his room, otherwise he probably wouldn’t have missed his target. Karla he had expected, which was why he made sure everything was locked down before he went to bed. But somehow Raian had managed to get through the locks without a sound and then proceeded to leer at him like a stalker.

Regardless, Ohma had grown accustomed to his weird habits as he himself was not exactly normal. But these past two days Raian had begun snoring loudly and constantly, and he was at the end of his rope. Or else he wouldn’t be standing in front of the backdoor, freezing in the chilly winter night in nothing but his boxers.

Damn, Ohma growled as Raian let out a particularly loud rumble, opting to just break the lock and deal with him before he was sentenced to another sleepless night. 

The bolt snapped easily under the pressure of his hand, the door creaking softly as he slid it open, revealing Raian spread-eagle on his back in the middle of the room. Somehow the demon Kure had migrated from his bed to the floor during the night without waking up, mouth parted and drooling.

The wool blankets were strewn around him, tangled around his powerful legs and barely covering what Ohma assumed was his naked groin.

Really? During the winter? Ohma sighed.

He let out an irritated huff and padded towards the younger fighter, nearly tripping over multiple items thrown haphazardly on the floor. Nudging him with his foot, Raian just snorted and rolled over to the other side letting out a string of curses under his breath. Several prods later and he was still snoring soundly, and Ohma subtly wondered how he hadn’t been murdered in his sleep yet. The Kures had a lot of enemies, and he was sure Raian had even more than the average clan member.

“Hey wake up,” Ohma stooped down and shook his shoulders hard, finally waking up the resting boulder.

Apparently Raian wasn’t used to being woken up in the middle of the night, immediately lurching forward and pushing Ohma to the ground with a snarl. “What the fuck do you want bitch?”

“For you to stop snoring, moron,” Ohma squeezed the wrists that were holding him down, eye blazing and rearing for a fight.

“Oh yeah?” Raian taunted with a wide smirk on his face, applying more pressure to his grip and drawing out a growl.

Pulling his leg back, Ohma rammed it into Raian’s stomach and threw him across the room, sending slight tremors through the walls of the house from the force of his kick. It was a miracle none of the other Kures were woken by the racket, but then they were probably already used to whatever unholy sounds came from Raian’s room at night.

Barely fazed, said Kure lunged forward and met him halfway, locking hands and wrestling each other to the carpet with an audible crash.

They rolled across the floor, knocking over any furniture in the way and spitting insults that would make any sailor blush. Normally Ohma was relatively immune to threats and curses, but something about Raian made his temper short-circuit sometimes. Perhaps listening to him “snore” that loudly for over a week had done it.

Eventually, Raian was able to get the upper hand on Ohma, hard knees digging into his waist as he rocked his weight back on the other man’s thighs. His body weight kept him pressed down on the ground, though Ohma could have easily broken free. 

But he was feeling generous (tired) today.

Ohma was almost tempted to smack the sneer off his face, but he knew that would just escalate the fight. Honestly he was surprised the whole place hasn’t been demolished-excluding the fist-sized holes in the plaster-and waking up the entire neighborhood wasn’t exactly on his to-do list.

Just bear with it for now, Ohma thought grumpily. I’ll slap the shit outta him in the morning. Just you wait kid.

He had completely forgotten about Raian’s state of undress until he glanced down, suddenly bucking up his hips and trying to push him off. It wasn’t like Ohma cared much about nakedness, but he’d much rather not have a grown man sitting on his dick when he was only in his boxers. Especially not Kure Raian, who was fully naked like the weirdo he was.

“Get off and put some pants on dipshit!”

Raian’s grin grew impossibly wider and he stuck out his tongue, forcing Ohma back down with his ass. “What, does it bother you or something, you perverted fuck?” With a harsh bark of laughter he roughly ground down on Ohma making him hiss.

“Son of a bitch!” Ohma swore noisily and redoubled his efforts to escape, whipping his head back and forth. This was giving him serious flashbacks to Imai Cosmo. Except back then his adversary was thankfully clothed.

“Uncomfortable? Or just excited to see me?” Raian thrust his face close, making Ohma bang his head on the ground with a solid thump to avoid being headbutted.

“Motherfucker,” Ohma grunted and turned his head to the side, too tired to deal with his bullshit anymore. His eyelids felt heavy, he had barely slept the last two days after all, and training over eight hours a day definitely didn’t help.

For a moment the only sound in the room was their panting, and neither men moved. 

“Going to sleep already?” Raian’s breath was hot on his face, so close that Ohma could smell the scent of the udon he had for dinner mingled with a faint trace of sweat and cologne.

Cologne? Since when did Raian wear cologne?

“Back off, your breath stinks,” Ohma groaned and held a hand between them.

“Oh yeah, you fuck? How about a closer whiff?” Raian cackled.

“For fuck’s sake-” The rest of his sentence was abruptly cut short as Raian surged forward to collide their lips together, or at least tried to. A jolt of pain shot through Ohma’s mouth as their teeth clashed, the familiar metallic tang of blood on his tongue.

Raian latched onto his bottom lip with his teeth, biting down hard as Ohma moaned in pain. Grabbing his shoulders, Ohma tried once again to push him off, but Raian had his biceps in a vice grip and neither fighter was budging.

Fine then, if he wanted to play rough then so be it. 

Snarling, Ohma shifted his weight onto one side and rolled Raian under him with all his strength, placing him on top this time. It shocked the Kure enough to let him go-finally, he was about to chew through his lip, and damned if he had to answer questions the next morning.

“You mothefucker! You call that a damn kiss fucking brat?!” Ohma roared, blood spilling from his cut and dripping down his chin, where it splattered in crimson pools all over Raian’s chest.

“What, like you can do better you dumb virgin fuck!” He flung his head forward again, but this time Ohma was one step ahead of him and got there first, trying to force his tongue in his mouth.

The ensuing battle for dominance was nothing short of a gross mess with an excessive amount of spit and blood, but as Kengan fighters it was nothing compared to the battles they’ve experienced. As expected, neither gave an inch, at least not until Raian suddenly grabbed a fistful of his seaweed hair and gave it a vicious tug, strong enough to pull out a clump of dark brown strands.

“Fuck!” Using the opportunity to slip into his opponent’s mouth, Raian’s victory was short-lived as Ohma took the chance to exact retribution by sinking his teeth deep into his tongue. Huffing through his nose, Raian saw red as Ohma bit down even harder. 

Sharp stabs of pain shot through Ohma’s back as Raian dug his fingers hard into his muscles, which Ohma returned by jabbing as hard as he could into his bulging biceps.

White hot agony exploded behind Ohma’s eyes as the delinquent rammed a knee into his groin and his legs gave out, his forehead bashing against Raian’s upper lip. 

“That...was for the fucking tournament…” Raian wheezed between breaths, chest heaving with the other man still laying on top.

“Shut up...Raian…” Eyes shut tightly, Ohma could feel himself drifting away in the darkness, too tired to even bother getting off of him.

“...You weigh...like a goddamn truck.”

“Shitty brat,” Ohma’s voice was barely audible and he didn’t respond to the poke in his ribs that would have normally pissed him off. There was the soft sound of rustling as Raian shifted underneath him before falling still, hand relaxing on his shoulder.

Giving up trying to fight back the darkness threatening to engulf him, he let the sound of Raian’s quieting pants and warm body lull him to an easy, dreamless sleep. He could always beat him in the morning, after all. 

There was no more snoring for the rest of the night.

***

“What the hell?” In the doorway stood Kure Hollis and Reiichi, who were sent to find them after neither man showed up to breakfast.

“Should we wake them up?” Reiichi whispered. Raian twitched from his position on the ground, face scrunching momentarily but didn’t wake. 

“No, I don’t want to deal with waking up that devil Raian in the morning.”

“Why are they covered in blood? And why is he naked?”

“I don’t know, but don’t tell Karla.” Hollis sighed.

“Don’t tell me what?” Speak of the devil, and she shall arrive.

“Oh fuck.”

Attack on Titan Short Story Collection: Towels

               The thudding of many pairs of soggy boots clamored down the halls of the Survey Corps. Screams echoed loudly down the empty pathways; today was the mandatory legion-wide training day, which had ended up in a massive rainstorm. Despite the raging weather, Erwin refused to let anyone inside until all the drills were finished. Thus, they had trained hours into the torrent, which only seemed to get worse as it progressed. Everyone was soaked, recruits, squad leaders, Captain Levi, and even the Commander. And the moment the stubborn, blond-haired man announced that training was over, it was a free for all to the showers.

               The boys and girls had branched off, the females noticeably calmer than the males. Throwing aside rank, everyone stampeded to the restrooms, which there were only two of in the entire place. One for the girls and one for the boys. The doors were slammed open, Jean and Eren scrambling at each other to be first followed by the other recruits, the elder members of the Corps a little less eager than the newer soldiers to be drawn into a wild boxing match for a shower. Poor Armin was nearly stampeded over, only saved by Mike as he grabbed his arm before he could fall.

               “Hey! I got here first horse-face!” Eren snarled at Jean, pushing at him with his shoulder. They had both simultaneously chosen the same shower head. Most of the males clumped together with their familiar groups, leaving the 104th in the rightmost corner of the area.

               And of course, leaving a bunch of teenage boys to roam free to fight for a bath would end in nothing but chaos. There was only about one waterspout for every three heads, and everybody was chilled to the bone. Whoever was last would get no hot water. To save space, Erwin had torn down all the stalls, but being in a mass of drenched men arguing naked in front of each other didn’t seem to bother them as much as not being able to wash off all the filthy rainwater and mud.

               “I’m freezing!” Connie whimpered, covering himself.

               “Come on guys, why can’t we just all take turns?” Reiner tried to separate the Eren and Jean, who were about to start throwing punches.

               “He started it!”

               “Try that again, you suicidal maniac!”

               “What the Hell did you just call me?!”

               Meanwhile, the shy Bertholdt just tried to quietly sneak under a showerhead without being shoved into a wall, all the while pieces of soap started flying in the air as Jean and Eren started going at each other, ignoring Reiner and Armin. Connie, the shortest male there, was nearly trampled to death as other teenagers joined in, desperately brawling for a shower.

               The older soldiers weren’t having much better luck either.

               “Gunther! I got here first!” Olou growled as the two had a stare-off. Eld, who had managed to get there before either of them, just sighed as he water poured over his head watching them bicker.

               Captain Levi and Commander Erwin were the last to make it, though immediately two showers opened up since no one wanted to face the short man’s wrath. He already looked murderous, with deeper bags around his eyes than usual, probably from shouting at all the recruits and rescuing them from breaking their necks the entire day. Erwin didn’t look much better; his usually neat golden hair was in disarray, and he too looked exhausted. Neither of them even bothered to comment on the chaos. People were wrestling on the floor, and objects flew around smacking random people in the face.

               Mike, who was lucky enough to get a shower since he was so large no one wanted to fight him, stood gazing at the wall, not seeming to be leaving anytime soon. Another soldier, Gelgar, was in a heated debate with Hange’s assistant, Moblit, both under the same shower as another pair of soldiers tumbled at their feet.

               The younger soldiers were beginning to push into their superiors’ space, but Levi still didn’t spare them a second glance. As long as they stayed the Hell away from him he didn’t care, he just wanted to get out of the damn monkey house as quickly as possible. After watching a good portion of them fail in ways he never thought possible during training, he was more than ready to retreat to his private quarters and settle down with a steaming cup of tea. Their shrieking was tolerable, for now. Either way, he could just give them a punishment sometime later when he didn’t feel like collapsing under a flood of water. It had been so busy lately, preparing for their next expedition that he hadn’t slept a blink in four days. Most of the higher-level officers had barely slept, too.

               Their fighting still hadn’t reached him yet, since everyone gave him and Erwin a wide berth. Levi still had enough energy to glare at them after all. Still, there were other things he would have rather done than stand completely nude in the middle of a bunch of aggravated soldiers fighting each other for a goddamn shower. And the people who had won their showers didn’t seem to be wanting to leave anytime soon, since it had been a good fifty degrees outside, pouring frigid water on everyone. Eventually, the disagreements began to cease.

               Everything was de-escalating until someone had the genius idea to twist a wet towel and deliver a stinging blow to some unfortunate soul’s behind. Levi was still scrubbing the soap out of his hair with his eyes scrunched shut when a loud slap echoed across the bathhouse, seeming to emitted from the corner with Eren and the others. He wasn’t sure exactly who did it, but once he found out he was going to shove it so far up their ass that they’ll be shitting pieces of it for a week. The slap was immediately followed by a shrill screech, and then everything fell apart. Every boy under the age of seventeen decided that wet towel blows were the only way to go, and scrambled madly for their linen.

                “I’m not dying here!” Connie howled, waving it around him wildly, hitting a few people who couldn’t dodge fast enough. Unfortunately, Armin happened to be standing close enough with his back turned to be hit directly across the thighs, and he tumbled down wailing.

                Jean and Eren were still locked in battle, this time trying to strangle each other with towels instead of fists. Several unlucky people who were close enough got caught in the crossfire, and everyone began invading each other’s spaces. Moblit slipped as he was backing up, falling backwards onto Levi who was then pushed into Erwin, the latter who seemed to be dozing off under the showerhead.

                Hurling obscenities at the terrified assistant, the quick-tempered captain thrust him off and stormed towards the middle of the conflict, leaving Erwin extremely confused as to how he ended up flat on his back on the floor and Moblit on the verge of fainting.

                “Hey you pieces of horseshit, cut it out!” The senior members all shrunk back when he passed, but most of the younger ones didn’t seem to notice him over all the hollering. He was nearly knocked over when Bertholdt tumbled backwards, dragging Reiner with him when he stumbled over someone hunched on the floor.

                “I said,” Levi inhaled, and his squad all held their breaths, wincing as they prepared for what was coming. “SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I WILL GIVE ALL OF YOU SOMETHING TO SCREAM ABOUT!”

                That was when a sharp, stinging pain erupted on his ass, undoubtedly from someone’s stray towel.

                The entire room fell silent as he processed what the Hell just happened. Even Eren and Jean had stopped quarreling to gawk in horror at the fuming man standing in the middle of a pile of wet bodies. At that moment anyone in the room would have preferred to be devoured by a Titan than to wait for what was to inevitably come.

                We’re so screwed, was the only thing that flashed through everyone’s mind at that instant.

                “All of you shitheads,” He said dangerously low, anger radiating off him and killing every hope of survival they ever had. No one had thought it was possible that someone that small could ever hold that much terror. “ARE GOING TO BE SHITTING TOWELS FOR THE NEXT FUCKING MONTH!”

                None of the recruits from the 104th Cadet Core had ever felt the agony of being whipped by a wet towel going one hundred miles per hour, and no one ever would since that day.

***

                “Why are they all standing?” Christa whispered to Ymir, who just shrugged nonchalantly.

                “I dunno. When are they not being weird?”

                “And why is Captain Levi scowling like that?”

                The Titan-slayer had a good thirty feet radius around him, and even the Commander was a bit fearful to sit within that distance. They had seen horrors that would haunt their nightmares for all of eternity that night. Some of the older Scouts who had not been fast enough to escape his reach also fell under his rage, and most were grumbling cautiously to the ones lucky enough to be able to sit down without feeling like someone had set fire to their backsides. All the girls could only stare curiously at the males, most of whom were standing up with their meals and wincing with every move.

                “Hey Connie,” Sasha leaned over to him, talking softly. Even she was affected by the unusual atmosphere. “Why did most of you guys limp in here? What happened?”

                Connie could only mumble something about towels and the devil, and none of the other boys seemed any more responsive to the probing.

                “Let’s just say, none of those brats know how to really whip a towel,” Levi stalked past, smirking smugly as he went to go wash his plates.

                And no one dared to place their towel within his reach in the bathhouse since that day.

Goku Black x Reader: Forbidden Fruit (Chapter 17: Red Lights)

It was the smell of smoke that woke you up first. Then the frantic chittering and trampling of undergrowth as various animals rushed passed your tree, squirrels, deer, and even wolves. They all ran towards the same direction, away from North, where you were originally headed. You were so confused by the sight that you failed to notice the red claws drawing nearer and nearer, rapidly consuming everything in its path.

It was only until you realized that they were running from something that you finally turned your head, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. Then it hit you. There had been no rain during your slumber, there was only the sound of thunder and the crackling of lighting. Of course. It hadn’t been a rainstorm. It had been an electrical storm. And you were in a forest, surrounded by tall trees. Shit.

Everything was on fire.

The flames licked at the treetops, quickly approaching your hideout.

Oh fuck! You leaped out of the branches, hitting the ground hard and sprinting away immediately, not wasting a single second. There was no time to contact Black, and even if you could, there was no way you would be able to concentrate on escaping the fire and talking to him at the same time. As if it couldn’t get any worse, a bolt of electricity split the tree not too far from you, and it burst aflame. You could feel some of the aftershock coursing through your body, but it passed eventually.

Focusing blurrily on the shapes running past you, you followed in their footsteps, hoping one of those massive canines wouldn’t become hungry.

A large force suddenly shoved you off your feet, causing you to crack your forehead against a boulder jutting from the green grass. Well, it wouldn’t be green for much longer. The air seemed to dim around you, and everything began to swirl and blend together. The smoke invaded your nose and crept through your lungs, where it nestled like a dark gray cat, mauling and biting at your insides.

Ignoring the pounding in your head and your fading vision, you grasped onto the trunk of a tree and tried to force yourself into a standing position, a hand clasped firmly over your gasping mouth.

Well, you had never been burned to death before, but you weren’t exactly eager to experience it firsthand. It seemed as if all the forces of nature were after you, first drowning, now burning. What was next, a goddamn tornado?!

When will I ever catch a break?! You thought irritably as a mouse jumped over your shoes.

Even after about two days of rest, your body was still recovering from your escape from the underground prison on the beach, and the lightning strike definitely didn’t help.

Oh Black, where are you?

That’s when you caught the sound of splintering trees followed by a deep bellow. You turned your head to be met with a massive elk, barreling through the fiery vegetation towards you, giving you a crazy idea. Stepping to the side to avoid being trampled, you waited until the colossal creature had galloped next to you before jumping and looping your arms around its neck, and holding on until it ran past another tree and pushing yourself off the trunk and onto the elk’s back.

It let out a snort but didn’t seem to be particularly interested in bucking you off, too busy trying to outrun death. Hopefully, it wouldn’t end up electrocuted, but it was the only plan you could come up with on the spot.

“Black!” You hollered as you bounced on the elk, trying to keep your head from spinning and throwing you off. “Black!”

It leaped clumsily over a fallen log and you were nearly sent flying, clutching onto its rough, thick fur for dear life.

Can’t I have one fucking day of peace?! You lamented silently. Life was constantly throwing curveballs at you as of late, more than the past decade combined; first, you had been trapped in that godforsaken torture cave, then the entire forest decided to set itself on fire, and then you got electrocuted and your getaway rested on a weakening elk that was beginning to stumble and huff.

If you had been able to fully recover all your energy, you would have been able to signal to Black with your chi, but you were still too weak.

Every time you turned your head, the fire crept closer and closer, until you were barely outrunning it by more than a couple meters. No matter how much you tried to spur on your ride, it had inhaled to much smoke just like you and it was wobbling badly on its spindly legs. The poor thing looked like it was about to pass out any minute, and then you’d both be goners. Trees began to fall as the fire consumed them, and the smoke was so thick you could barely see. Most of the animals seemed to have evacuated, though every now and then you would see a small critter or so lying dead, caught by the gaping maws of death.

A weak squeal suddenly caught your attention, coming from a bit farther up ahead and to your right. As you approached, you realized that it was a brown boar, a juvenile by the looks of it. Its hooves scratched at the dirt as it tried to free its foot from a hole underneath a twisted root, the noises getting softer and softer by the second, before it mournfully put its head down to accept its demise.

You looked down at the wheezing elk, white foam crusting its lips and water glazing its wide, frightened eyes. Your brows furrowed before giving its neck a quick pat, steeling yourself to jump off. It would be able to flee faster without your weight, and there was no point in you both dying. And perhaps you would be able to save the boar. You, out of everyone understood the fear of death, and there wasn’t any end much worse than burning to a crisp, alone and terrified.

Well, it’s always a good time to try something new, you managed to scoff dryly at your own joke. It’s not like I can die anyways.

Sprinting to the trapped animal, you began to furiously dig around its hoof, and it began its struggles began anew as the boar came to realize that it still had a chance at surviving. You ripped at the hard roots that curled around its leg, gritting your teeth against the pain as your flesh tore at the force. If you had been at full health you could have snapped them like ropes, but alas, there was no use wishing for something that wasn’t there. Next time you saw Zamasu, you’d shove his balls down his throat and then watch him choke on it.

“Just a little more,” You puffed, sweat dripping down your face. Your lungs were in agony, and your eyes felt just as bad. Everything hurt like Hell, but there was nothing you could do about it.

The first fingers of the flames began to lap at your sleeve, causing the boar to get even more hysterical and continue to fling dirt back at an accelerated pace.

Finally, you were able to wriggle its foot free and it sped off, leaving you covered in ashes and grime. Crawling away from the approaching flames, you didn’t even get a chance to catch your breath before pulling yourself to your feet and staggering away from a horrible roasting. Mind reeling, you could barely see over the torrent of tears the fire forced out of your eyes.

You were so focused on limping away that you didn’t notice the loud groan of a blackened tree, falling towards you. By the time you were able to realize something was wrong, it was too late.

It fell with a thud onto your back, completely crushing your legs and back under its weight. You didn’t even have the energy to scream anymore, the heat and smog had made you nearly delirious. The dead tree had paralyzed everything below your lower back, so at least there was no pain.

It almost felt nice not to feel anything anymore, though through your closing eyes everything was being swallowed by the fire and being painted red or black. How you had come to hate the color red.

Black…..You managed to whisper weakly inside your rapidly failing consciousness. Black….please help….me….Look for…..red lights….

The last thing you saw was the cloudless open night sky as the trees fell around you and two dark shapes began closing in on you, one with familiar black tufts and the other with light blue hair, unable to hear their voices as they cried for you.