Okay But Like. I See So Many People Complaining About People Trying To Ship Aro/ace Characters, Claiming

Okay but like. I see so many people complaining about people trying to ship aro/ace characters, claiming that "oh you wouldn't ship a gay character with someone of the opposite gender, right?" And, like... Yeah, there's definitely a double standard here, but... I mean, as someone who is on the aro spectrum, the argument that shipping is not done as an act of appreciation to the canon characters and their arcs, but just to scratch the itches in your brain, really isn't wrong. So, em...

Can we stop gatekeeping monosexual gay characters?

Like, people look at me weird wherever I say that Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb have trauma-bonded-lovers energy. I had people calling me a lesbophobic bigot (yes these were the words used) for saying I wish Willow Rosenberg had stayed with Oz. None of it is about interpreting canon in one of the ways the authors allowed, it's about imagining the story I wish I got to hear. Like, if you really think the reason fanfiction exists is to honor the story that the canon work was trying to tell, I'm sorry but it just doesn't look like you understand fanfiction. And no, it's not disrespectful to wish you got to see an allo character's story instead of the story of this aro/ace character. Sometimes, a given story would be served better by being about an experience which you as an individual can never have. Like, I'm someone who never really believed in trusting ultimate authority, or in fighting with all your might for justice, these are not necessarily things I think are BAD to believe in, I'd actually probably be happier if I was able to believe in certain versions of those ideas, but I just can't bring myself to. However, I wouldn't be upset if I saw someone, for example, writing a fic about Sherlock from BBC Sherlock, which canonically basically shares that lack of belief with me, learning and internalizing the fact that humanity is actually worth believing in. Like, is there a scenario that aligns with his canonical characterization in which he'd be able to do that? No, probably not. But do I think there could be a story about that that's worth telling? Absolutely. So yeah, on the same dime, I think if you find a hypothetical, non-canonical story about a character who is canonically aro/ace in which that character experiences romantic/sexual attraction to be a valuable story for you, I don't believe anyone should judge you for writing or enjoying that hypothetical story. So, em, yeah.

This is not for you.

This is a post aimed at me and other people who constantly fall into guilt spirals over all the things they can’t do, and feel they should somehow magically be able to do anyway.

For me, and for the others, this is a gentle reminder:

- Posts asking for monetary donations are speaking to people who have money. Not your broke ass, still worrying how to buy food next month.

- Posts asking you to care about [extreme injustice of the day] are speaking to people who have energy to care. Not you, hanging onto your sanity by the fingernails. 

And, most importantly: posts telling you that you are horrible/cheap/awful/rude/unworthy/unlikable if you don’t pay/reblog/signal boost/care? Those posts can fucking die in a fire.

TL;DR: Posts asking for shit you are not physically or mentally able to give? 

THOSE POSTS ARE NOT FOR YOU. 

HEY, YOU!

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Is there a way to ask what it looks like when you get arrested, taken to a police station and bail yourself out as research for a story without sounding like a massive asshole?

One of my favorite types of stories out there, is the one where the story shows multiple different perspectives and scenarios in which the same SPECIFIC real-world problem is explored from different angles. Bonus points if the problem is categorically something that mainstream media is incentivized to overlook.

Example: so I just watched Beetlejuice 2, and I legit really REALLY loved how the story of "girl/woman feels isolated from society because of problems in her own life that are legit too much for her to handle, gets involved with guy who really fucks her up", which in the real world, happened too many fucking times to count, got explored in this film through three different stories, WHICH ARE ALL REAL.

Jeremy's the edgy asshole you thought was really awesome when you were way too young to recognize red flags when you saw them, who you thought was so charming and cool because he was just so sweet at first, who dragged you in when you just wanted someone to listen and ended up locking you into genuinely dangerous situations because he just didn't fucking care. That's real. That happens. And I'm glad it was shown.

Rory's the exploitative fucker who will find you when you're in a low point, love-bomb you when you're too emotionally drained to do anything but cling onto his support and manipulate the hell out of you in order to turn you into a codependent object for his use. Now, the Rorys of the real world are usually not as often in it for the money as much as they are for the emotional validation that comes from satisfying their savior complex, but there definitely ARE cases in which they financially exploit their partners. That's real. That happens. And I'm glad it was shown.

Beetlejuice is (and this one I actually have quite a familiarity with) that equally broken enabler who feels so much more free than you to walk around fucking other people's shit up according to his whims in ways that genuinely terrify you but you don't dare to say anything about, who keeps clinging to you and saying that you and him "understand each other so well!" And you can tell that his behavior is basically what your behavior could be if the societal trauma forcing you to repress and turn your untreated mental illness onto yourself was gone, so that you genuinely DO feel a sense of comradely with him, even though he's fucking scaring you, won't take no for an answer and treats you as an equal target as anyone else for his own issues which he insists on turning into everybody else's problem. That's real. That fucking happens. And I'm SO FUCKING GLAD IT WAS SHOWN.

Also, another reason I'm glad this specific scenario was shown- women in media are so often portrayed as these perfectly put-together centers of reason and balance, and GOODNESS am I glad to see a movie that for once actually explores what it looks like when they get crushed under external pressure. Because like. That happens a lot. There's a lot of pressure to living as a woman in society. It often crushes women. And people really only want to explore that in specific case studies of discrimination and abuse. But not here, and I love that.

And also, like. Presenting MULTIPLE socially-outcasted women who's personality isn't immediately turned into a prop that is then used to further the development of their male love interest IN THE SAME STORY? LOVE THAT LOVE THAT LOVE THAT.

So anyways, yeah, that's why I consider Beetlejuice 2 to be an incredibly feminist story which does an amazing job as showing female characters as real people while also presenting specific gendered struggles which they face. Love that.

One time, when I was somewhere between 11 and 13 years old, I sent my back-then best friend the question: "what would you do if I killed myself, and then you'd find a paper that said my last request was for you to read that one fictional/philosophical story I make my entire personality about, that you keep saying you don't want to read?"

I don't remember how he answered the question at first. Maybe he avoided giving an answer, I really can't remember. But what I CAN remember, is that a few years after that, I brought up that conversation we had (really can't remember what was the context), and he said "btw, it was really emotionally manipulative of you to say that to me."

And I didn't understand why, so I asked, "what's emotionally manipulative about that?"

"you do know that asking people to do something while referencing the fact that you could kill/harm yourself is really messed up, right?"

I remember how genuinely surprised I was when I heard this. Like, it literally didn't cross my mind up to that point that this question could be interpreted as a request to do anything while I'm still alive. This isn't what the question was referring to!

"...I wasn't asking you to do anything at the moment, this was a practical question! I was making a list of last requests for when I kill myself! I mean, I knew I was gonna do this at SOME point, so I was trying to find out if it could be useful to write this in there!"

"... Wait what?"

... coincidentally, he was the first person in my life to ever ask me if I ever considered the possibility that I was autistic. At the time, I remember I thought "well, I'm not THAT weird, right? And like, I know how people act. At least, I know this as much as any human could ever know what goes on in other people's head and what anyone else could do at any given moment and why! Like, I know facts about social psychology and stuff! And everyone in fandom is an obsessive weirdo with no normal friends, am I really that much more like that about it than you?"

In hindsight... Yeah.