Is There A Way To Ask What It Looks Like When You Get Arrested, Taken To A Police Station And Bail Yourself

Is there a way to ask what it looks like when you get arrested, taken to a police station and bail yourself out as research for a story without sounding like a massive asshole?

Okay but like. I see so many people complaining about people trying to ship aro/ace characters, claiming that "oh you wouldn't ship a gay character with someone of the opposite gender, right?" And, like... Yeah, there's definitely a double standard here, but... I mean, as someone who is on the aro spectrum, the argument that shipping is not done as an act of appreciation to the canon characters and their arcs, but just to scratch the itches in your brain, really isn't wrong. So, em...

Can we stop gatekeeping monosexual gay characters?

Like, people look at me weird wherever I say that Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb have trauma-bonded-lovers energy. I had people calling me a lesbophobic bigot (yes these were the words used) for saying I wish Willow Rosenberg had stayed with Oz. None of it is about interpreting canon in one of the ways the authors allowed, it's about imagining the story I wish I got to hear. Like, if you really think the reason fanfiction exists is to honor the story that the canon work was trying to tell, I'm sorry but it just doesn't look like you understand fanfiction. And no, it's not disrespectful to wish you got to see an allo character's story instead of the story of this aro/ace character. Sometimes, a given story would be served better by being about an experience which you as an individual can never have. Like, I'm someone who never really believed in trusting ultimate authority, or in fighting with all your might for justice, these are not necessarily things I think are BAD to believe in, I'd actually probably be happier if I was able to believe in certain versions of those ideas, but I just can't bring myself to. However, I wouldn't be upset if I saw someone, for example, writing a fic about Sherlock from BBC Sherlock, which canonically basically shares that lack of belief with me, learning and internalizing the fact that humanity is actually worth believing in. Like, is there a scenario that aligns with his canonical characterization in which he'd be able to do that? No, probably not. But do I think there could be a story about that that's worth telling? Absolutely. So yeah, on the same dime, I think if you find a hypothetical, non-canonical story about a character who is canonically aro/ace in which that character experiences romantic/sexual attraction to be a valuable story for you, I don't believe anyone should judge you for writing or enjoying that hypothetical story. So, em, yeah.

One time, when I was somewhere between 11 and 13 years old, I sent my back-then best friend the question: "what would you do if I killed myself, and then you'd find a paper that said my last request was for you to read that one fictional/philosophical story I make my entire personality about, that you keep saying you don't want to read?"

I don't remember how he answered the question at first. Maybe he avoided giving an answer, I really can't remember. But what I CAN remember, is that a few years after that, I brought up that conversation we had (really can't remember what was the context), and he said "btw, it was really emotionally manipulative of you to say that to me."

And I didn't understand why, so I asked, "what's emotionally manipulative about that?"

"you do know that asking people to do something while referencing the fact that you could kill/harm yourself is really messed up, right?"

I remember how genuinely surprised I was when I heard this. Like, it literally didn't cross my mind up to that point that this question could be interpreted as a request to do anything while I'm still alive. This isn't what the question was referring to!

"...I wasn't asking you to do anything at the moment, this was a practical question! I was making a list of last requests for when I kill myself! I mean, I knew I was gonna do this at SOME point, so I was trying to find out if it could be useful to write this in there!"

"... Wait what?"

... coincidentally, he was the first person in my life to ever ask me if I ever considered the possibility that I was autistic. At the time, I remember I thought "well, I'm not THAT weird, right? And like, I know how people act. At least, I know this as much as any human could ever know what goes on in other people's head and what anyone else could do at any given moment and why! Like, I know facts about social psychology and stuff! And everyone in fandom is an obsessive weirdo with no normal friends, am I really that much more like that about it than you?"

In hindsight... Yeah.

Is it just me, or are the characters of Vetinari, Vimes and Moist Von Lipwig supposed to be metaphors for the ideals of how ethical and smart the systems of politics, law enforcement and capitalism respectively could hypothetically be?