Does Anyone Else Ever Get The Urge To Just... Randomly Become Lightly Violent To Themselves In Public

Does anyone else ever get the urge to just... Randomly become lightly violent to themselves in public for a few seconds? That then you may or may not act upon?

Like, do you ever see your own reflection in a window or something, and then your internal monologue just runs for a few seconds, until it randomly comes across something that somehow fires a few neurons into each other in a millisecond that land on "Fuck that person in the reflection they deserve to die" and then you, like... Shout, or bite yourself, or slap yourself lightly, or something like that, half to break your own train of thought and half because the emotions your brain just randomly sprung on you felt like they require an intense reaction? Because that... Just happened to me. Stuff like that happen to me a lot, and they don't always require a mirror or something, sometimes my internal monologue just lands on "hey you should die in agony" for a second, and I have to either pinch myself or say it out loud to make it stop, bystanders be damned. Is that... Just me?

Thanks, Anon!

-submit your poll!-

To put it very bluntly.

You will always make a better impact helping people who need it than trying to hurt people you think deserve it.

Edit: nvm found someone already

So, em... Is there anyone here who's willing to do, like... Extremely psychologically fucked up commission artwork? It's nothing sexual, but it probably would be extremely disturbing to most people. And also I need it to be detailed.

Okay so, like... I've been thinking a lot about how we societally treat ai. And, like... Don't get me wrong, there are definitely many legitimate arguments for why it shouldn't be used in creative contexts, but a lot of the rage I see against ai does often seem to kinda come down to "how dare this thing that isn't a person try and pretend to be a person deserving of human treatment", and, like... Can we just collectively try and think about this impulse critically, then try to place it in the context of any psychological, societal and historical mechanisms it might be related to? Why are you angry at a literal machine? The machine itself clearly can't be deserving of your anger, it's not sentient. You can argue for why it shouldn't be used in specific contexts... But then, again, why is the argument always phrased as if you're angry at the machine itself, and not at the people using it? Why do you hear "I fucking hate when people treat ai art like human art" more often than you hear "I fucking hate when rich people use ai to show how in their minds, creatives are nothing more than a tool"? Could it be that our instinctive urge to direct our rage at "a thing trying to claim a status of humanity that it doesn't deserve" is, em... Bad?

Just putting it out there.

I feel like what some of you guys don't understand about the whole discussion of what is and isn't a trauma response, is that, like... Different people understand different experiences to be traumatic to different extents. Most people's idea of trauma is literally just "you were abused as a child", but some people might develop severe dissociative symptoms from getting stuck in the middle of their parents' divorce, some people get C-PTSD from growing up with an undiagnosed condition that got them into the status of an alienated failure for their entire childhood, some people get their entire personality shaped by medical trauma! I was born with my throat fused in with itself in a way that made it impossible for me to eat and breath like a normal person, and that took a series of surgeries that kept going until I was six years old in order to solve. I have no memory of that, despite the fact I do have other memories from that time period. The doctors said I was "the most well-behaved child they've ever seen", because I was quiet and polite and didn't cry. In hindsight, the most likely explanation was just that I kinda left my body to get through that experience, which might explain why my relationship to physical pain nowadays is the way that it is- whenever my body starts getting pain signals, my mind kinda activates total shutdown, which is why I never felt like I was fully present while doing physically painful things (and I'm not just talking SH, everything from working out to pinching myself to stop a train of thought. One time when I was a kid, I saw a shattered sheet of glass on the sidewalk, and I started taking apart pieces from it with my hands because I thought it was cool that I could do that, and it hurt a bit, but only after my mom came and screamed in shock I realized my hands were actually completely covered in blood. Stuff like that). I've had one professional suggesting that the thing that's wrong with my brain is that the medical trauma from that basically caused symptoms parallel to BPD, except without the ones about fear of abandonment and unstable relationships, because the trauma that caused it wasn't an interpersonal one, which is what is usually expected. And if that happened to me, to how many other people could that have happened?

I guess what I'm trying to say is. Our idea of mental issues being cleanly sorted into neat little boxes is just really flawed. Different people react differently to being put in situations. And maybe it would be more useful to start thinking "what experience did I have, given the knowledge I have of my own mind, that could make my brain develop instincts that cause this behavior" (which is a line of logic that can usually be used to understand almost every human behavior, clinical or otherwise) instead of "x trauma leads to y trauma response".