Gone Are The Times

gone are the times

when you couldn't sleep

not knowing where I was.

and now this home again

is just as cold as i have

remembered.

I come back from the snowfall

to see my brother leaving and

to you sleeping soundly as ever

and I cannot be upset at any of that.

but I just wish growing old wasn't so hard

• "turning seventeen" - zero (me)

there's a bitter aftertaste for every word I swallow

there's a pit in my stomach but it turns at the sight of food

there's an imagine imbedded in my brain that won't go away

there's a fly in my room and I'm afraid it's after my rot

I haven't slept well since the last time I saw you

- getting worse - zero (me)

around the dinner table

comes a story not so old

that they think does not

resonate anymore

about crooked floorboards

and cold water for months

and saving all your money

in order to save yourself

and when it ends they

hand you some cash since

these times are past us

but you know you're wise

and so put money in a jar

hidden from everyone

you have to save up

in order to save yourself

the times have never and

will never change

• savings jar - zero (me)

somewhere on your way you lose the want for sleep at night

you stay up until the sun shines through your window and fall asleep once your house stirs

the nights are long and you haven't felt so alone in so long

and on those nights

nothing has a face

the whole world is all eyes

there's something missing

the missing poster is missing a face

the mirror is missing a reflection

you're missing feeling at home

you're missing your old self

you're missing yourself

and on those nights

you don't have a face

" reflectionless " - zero (me)

there's no gratitude in me

I am forever ungrateful

I am the rot that's spoiling this home

yet I am the only one who tries to run away

- zero (me)

I choose to silence myself most days

I choose the end row of the train

I choose the seat on the back by the window

I choose to sit on the noisiest wheel

I choose to suffocate

I chose however to tell you today

I chose to be an idiot in love and be loud

I hope I'll make my mother proud

"choices" - zero (me)