There's No Gratitude In Me

there's no gratitude in me

I am forever ungrateful

I am the rot that's spoiling this home

yet I am the only one who tries to run away

- zero (me)

on another night I have to spend without you

the brightest one of them all, with hope in the air

even with my friends around, I promise you

to use the knowledge given to me by past lovers

and once the sky lights up with fireworks again

I shall call you and tell you all my love, as

the first thing in the new year should mean

the whole world, and nothing does, like you do

• Mel, my light - zero (me)

how am I to write of things so beautiful by themselves

there are yellows lights outside and blue fluorescent lights

there was a man on the bus who was so obviously an addict

he's found a teenager's phone by his seat and told his every move to a woman he didn't know for

"he's had too many problems already to steal anything really"

there are yellow nights of laughter and blue strangers who weep in churches

there is a part time job of mine at a flower shop

and I can't explain how throwing out stem cuttings makes me the happiest I've been all week

the world's poetry writes itself and I feel useless in my craftsmanship

"poetry in breathing" - zero (me)

i will pack up all my life

and leave memories behind

writing a few notes to friends

to make sure I am forgotten

I know I will die one day

my mum raised to believe

if I spill my blood it will be okay

but I won't do this here

I won't rot away

in the same fucking place

who made me die in everyway

i can't Die here- zero (me)

(writer's block hit me like a truck and my life has been so chaotically stoick I hate it. also it's a song draft not a poem but we will ignore this fact)

some time ago already, a month maybe

a cold night and a blue apartment

just the kitchen lit up and just me inside

the buzz of the microwave

and the holler of the wind

and the shake of my hand

and the poorly executed confession

"it's not back, not really. it's just

my brain is a scumbag and it just

wants me to go down, and i just

can't tell it to shut up every time,

you know"

and you didn't before

but you tried your best in the moment

you told me you will be there always

and I appreciated it, like no other

I swear I did

and you told me

"please call me if this ever gets worse"

no idea why, it came back like a curse

you still don't know, noone does, actually

I'll tell you the truth only when you ask for it

because you don't need this in your life

on another cold night, in a lit up apartment

I'm telling you goodnight, far too early

• "tonight I'm going to sleep hungry" - zero [me]

apparently I have 100 likes on this account, which is not exactly a lot considering how many things I posted but I'm still happy about it [:

I'm sitting at a bus stop almost alone and I haven't been this calm in months

The same bus passed three times already but it's not what I'm looking for

And this should be it, this should be reason enough to write

but it's not

For I've been tired to my core and all I've wanted

Is to be held by the one adult person I let myself be known

For I need something bigger than my name. For I need someone who knows better than I do

But it's all futile and I can't bring myself to ask her for kindness

But it's all without point and I can't write anymore

"Nomen Omen, just like Moliére" - Zero (me)