911 Owen Strand - Tumblr Posts

Soon You’ll Get Better

Soon Youll Get Better

Prompt -  'Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you, desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too.’

Owen knew he had to tell you. He had told Judd, as hard as it had been to say the words out loud for the first time, he had told him. He had told TK, or more accurately TK found out himself and Owen could no longer deny the truth, could no longer smile and pretend it wasn’t real, not when TK had looked at him with those wide, watery eyes and a tremor in his voice.

He knew he had to tell the team but he couldn’t do that because he had to tell you first. He knew Judd and TK wouldn’t tell you but they had both had countless conversations with him about how you needed to know and he knew they were right. If he were being honest with himself he was holding off telling you for the same reason he hadn’t told TK back in New York when he’d found out, he was scared.

Owen Strand was scared and it was easy to put on a wide smile and hide behind it, to push the diagnosis to the back of his mind and enjoy the time he had with you. He liked to think he was a strong man but this was different, it was different in the same way he was weak opposite TK who was hurt and terrified, he was weak because he didn’t think he could stand seeing the fear in your eyes, the look on your face every time you looked at him knowing that the cancer was eating away at him. He couldn’t stand the thought of you looking at him like he was already dead, nothing but a walking corpse.

He hadn’t known you very long but it was long enough to know you were special, to know that you would be somebody who changed his life. He cared for you deeply, from the second you walked into the firehouse and flashed him that warm smile before sitting opposite him and TK to talk about your place in the 126. He liked to think he had done a good job hiding how much he liked you from your half hour meeting but the second you left TK had turned to him with a wide grin of his own and Owen rolled his eyes as he told him to shut up before any words even left his mouth, something that only made TK smile wider.

Working alongside you was thrilling, Owen had had partners before but the way the two of you moved with each other, always knowing what the other was thinking without either of you needing to voice anything wasn’t just helpful in your line of duty but it also made Owen smile every time he thought of your silent communication, knowing that you had become so close after only a few weeks together. He let himself think of a future, he had to because he refused to think about what could happen if the chemo didn’t work. He let himself think of months or years working side by side with you, the two of you in perfect sync. It was a thought that made sitting in the hospital slightly more bearable.

Owen knew you weren’t stupid. He knew you had noticed him sneaking off during shifts only to come back slightly shaky and pale, he had gotten lucky that you hadn’t pushed it, only asking if he was ok and making sure he had a bottle of water when he returned. He knew this wouldn’t last for long though, eventually you would start pushing, asking him what was wrong and the last thing he needed was you dragging him to Michelle.

So he had to tell you, something that was easier said than done.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried. In fact countless times he had invited you over with the intention to tell you about the cancer only to back out at the last second, pushing it to the back of his head as best he could before focusing on your company. He had called you into his office multiple times where there were no distractions before he always decided against it, telling Judd and TK’s disappointed looks that telling you at work wasn’t the best idea.

But he knew he couldn’t put it off any longer and swore to himself that today was the day he would tell you.

He had already invited you around for a dinner he was in the middle of cooking, TK had left the house with a warning that he better tell you tonight and Owen would make good on that promise.

Things between you and Owen were good, the two of you had been close from day one. It felt like you had known each other forever, there was no awkwardness, no strained silences. The two of you got to talking and immediately hit it off. Owen knew it was going in a good direction, he knew you liked him and God knows how much he liked you. He had seen the hints when you had been over at his place, knew that if he had just leaned in and kissed you that you wouldn’t have pushed him away.

But he couldn’t. It didn’t feel right to start something with you without you knowing about the cancer. He wouldn’t judge you if it were too much, if you decided to just be friends and stop the flirtatious looks and teasing remarks. He’d be devastated, no doubt about it, but he would understand. Jumping into a relationship with a sick man wouldn’t be ideal.

By the time you were knocking on the door Owen felt like a nervous mess and without any alcohol to soothe his nerves he felt ready to back out of this conversation again.

All the stress seemed to melt away as he opened the door, seeing you standing there with a smile on your face brought a matching one to his. You weren’t dressed up, you had long since switched from that to a more comfortable attire with the more time you spent at Owen’s house and yet somehow you still managed to take his breath away.

“Can I come in?” You laughed, causing Owen to snap back to reality and smile wider at you, shaking his head to clear his mind as he opened the door wider for you.

“Please do, dinner’s almost ready.” Owen told you as he took your coat. “Beautiful as always, dear.”

He couldn’t stop his smile from widening even as he knew the eye roll was coming.

“You okay? You sounded…I don’t know you sounded weird on the phone.” You asked as you leaned against the counter and watched Owen walk towards the pans resting on the stove.

The silence stretched for a moment too long and you frowned as you stared at his back, watching as he tensed up before seemingly forcing himself to relax.

“Owen?” You asked again and heard him sigh before turning the heat down.

He turned to face you with a serious and almost sad look on his face causing you to look at him warily, not sure what bad news he was about to deliver but knowing it was coming.

“Hey, talk to me.” You prompted softly, watching as Owen let his eyes fall closed as he took a deep breath. “It’s me, whatever it is we’ll deal with it.”

Those words had Owen smiling and opening his eyes to stare at you in wonderment. God, you were too good for him, he had no idea what he had done to deserve even meeting you. Here you were, so ready to stand beside him and create a solution to whatever it was that was bothering him.

If only it were that easy.

“I was going to wait until after dinner to tell you.” Owen began, feeling like his throat was swelling up on him.

“Tell me what?” You asked, keeping your voice soft even as your brows knitted together as you looked at him in confusion.

“C’mere,” Owen said, knowing full well he was doing nothing but buying himself a few more seconds of living in a world where you didn’t know but there was no going back now.

You let your fingers entwine with Owen’s when he held his out for you, squeezing his hand reassuringly as he led you to the living room and onto the sofa. Neither of you let go of the other as you sat next to each other, nor did you move your legs when your knees brushed together.

Owen opened his mouth only to close it against every few seconds, sure he had gone over what he was going to say to you a thousand times and that was all well and good but actually sitting here beside you, your hand in his with your thumb brushing against his skin, it felt impossible to get the words out.

“Hey,” you said quietly, not talking until Owen looked over at you and you smiled sadly when you saw fear on his face, “whatever it is I’m right here.”

Owen forced himself to swallow around the lump in his throat, his eyes suddenly burning at your words before he took a breath and nodded.

“I don’t know how I got so lucky finding you,” Owen murmured and took comfort in how your smile shifted and brightened your face. He let himself relax as he looked at you for a second longer before forcing the words out. “I should’ve told you a long time ago but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

“Tell me what, Owen?” You asked again and Owen squeezed your hand before he spoke.

“I’ve got cancer, Y/N.” There, the words were out. He had actually told you and even though a weight was still resting heavily on him he felt a little bit better knowing that you knew, that going forward he was being totally honest with you even if it meant losing you.

Owen never took his eyes off you as he told you the secret only four people knew, five now that he included you. He watched as your eyes widened, watched your skin pale, saw the way your mouth fell open and tears filled your eyes seconds later once the words fully hit you.

He hated that he was the reason for such a reaction, he only wanted to draw smiles and laughs from you.

Then there was the fear that clouded your eyes, the fear he so desperately didn’t want to see. You were scared for him and Owen didn’t want that, he didn’t want you worrying that every second you spent with him would be your last or if he was suddenly going to kneel over mid conversation.

“Y/N, I’m alright.” Owen said when minutes had passed and you had yet to say anything. His words seemed to snap you back to reality and you swallowed around the burning lump in your throat, feeling tears well in your eyes as you stared at Owen.

“No, you’re not.” You whispered, a hundred questions racing through your mind.

“Hey,” he said softly, not letting go of the hand he was holding as he lifted his other to cup your cheek and wipe the few tears that had leaked out. “I’m really ok or as ok as I can be. I’m on the treatments the doctors want me on and they like my chances. I’m ok, sweetheart, I promise.”

You leaned into the touch on your cheek before shifting forward to press your forehead against Owen’s and heard the soft chuckle as he held you close to him, both of you silent for the next few minutes as you took in what he had told you.

“You said you're on the treatment, does that mean chemo?” You whispered, not wanting to move away from him.

“Yeah, yeah they have me on chemo. That part is hard, I won’t lie but they say it looks good so I can’t complain.” Owen reassured you and you nodded against him, needing another moment to take in everything.

“Does TK go with you?” You asked, hating the thought of Owen going through this alone.

“He has been but he only found out not too long ago-”

“You’ve been doing this alone?” You asked him, interrupting whatever else he was going to say.

“Of course that’s the part that upsets you the most.” Owen chuckled but brushed his thumb across your cheekbone, keeping you in place when you went to pull away. “It’s not too bad, well except for this guy who comes in when I do and, well story for a different time but I’ve been ok.”

You nodded again and let the silence stretch despite having more questions to ask, wanting to know exactly what type of cancer he had, how far along it was, how long had he been on chemo, how long had he been dealing with this alone if TK only found out recently? Instead of asking them though you squeezed Owen’s hand in yours and lifted your free one to rest on top of his still resting on your cheek. Owen smiled as you turned your face slightly to press a soft kiss to his palm.

“I really don’t know what I did to deserve you.” He told you again and you shook your head with a smile because really it was the other way around.

Seeing Owen sat in the hospital chair, wires connected to a machine and a needle being pushed into his skin, made your heart ache. He looked tired though and yet even now, even when he was the one who needed you to be brave, there he was smiling over at you and reaching a hand out for you.

“I’m alright.” He assured you and you couldn’t help but laugh softly.

You forced yourself to relax in your seat as you reached for his hand and squeezed it softly, letting your thumb brush against his skin as you smiled at him. Even though he knew you were scared you couldn’t tell him that, not whilst he was the one suffering.

It was hard to hide your fear though, under the hospital lighting Owen looked exhausted, his own fear well disguised for your sake no doubt. You knew it was your turn to push away how scared you were, Owen needed you to be brave right now.

It had been two weeks since you found out he had cancer, weeks you had spent trying to come to terms with it but it seemed impossible. Owen having cancer seemed like it wasn’t real, how could this man, this charming, confident, caring man suddenly be sick, be in a hospital chair getting treatment for cancer?

It didn’t seem real and yet here you were with him.

In the two weeks you had known you had familiarised yourself with orange bottles filled with different pills, listened as Owen explained what they were for. More than once you had raised the issue of if he should be working, if he should be running into smoke filled buildings when he had lung cancer but each time he brushed you off and told you he wasn’t going to give up his job.

Some nights you found yourself so consumed by fear it felt like you were going out of your mind, the idea of losing Owen…

Every time TK called you you got a burst of anxiety, expecting the worst and then having to swallow down how scared you had been for a second once he started talking and everything was fine. You had never been heavy on religion, never found much comfort in praying but you had spent countless nights since finding out praying to anyone who would listen that Owen would be ok.

“I know you are.” You told him, proud when your voice didn’t shake.

“You sound like you actually believe that.” Owen told you with a laugh and you couldn’t stop your smile from widening.

“Of course I believe it,” you told him, letting yourself focus on being with Owen, on making sure he was as ok as he could be and not having to worry about you. “You’ll be out of here before you know it.”

“It’s not so bad now that you’re here.” Owen smiled and you squeezed his hand again, watching as his eyes drifted down to them before he raised them to press a kiss against the back of yours. “Thank you for being here, sweetheart.”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” You told him, forcing your smile to stay in place and the tears to disappear before they had the chance to fill your eyes.

“I can think of a hundred different places I’d rather take you.” Owen chuckled and you found it easy to laugh with him causing his smile to grow.

“Soon you’ll get better and we can go wherever you want.” You grinned at him and he kissed your hand again as he smiled over at you, completely enamoured by you.

When he told you about his cancer he had expected you to put distance between the two of you, to put a stop to the flirting and the touches, the lingering gazes, he expected all of it to stop. Never in all the scenarios he had played out had he imagined you sat at his side at every doctor's appointment or chemo session, never had he pictured you squinting down at orange bottles, frowning at the long words and googling what they were.

He didn’t know what he had done to deserve you, it was a question he pondered before telling you about the cancer and it was a question that he couldn’t wrap his head around after telling you. He knew you were scared but no matter what you stuck to his side, if he tried to sneak away to throw up you were there with a glass of water and his toothbrush, if he needed a minute to catch his breath you were there comfortingly rubbing your fingers along his back. Whenever he needed you you were there and he thanked God for bringing you to him every day.

He’d get better, he’d seen the chemo out and do whatever the doctors asked of him if it meant he could make good on his promise to take you to the hundred other places he’d rather be with you, to experience a life and a future with you.

Owen Strand would get better and you would be there every step of the way.

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