Angst With A Lil Bit Of Fluff At The End Because Im Not A Monster - Tumblr Posts

THE GHOSTS THAT HAUNT YOU .𖥔 ݁ ˖๋࣭ ⭑🌱🌲

Prompt: Katniss freaks and panics over a Peeta choking her flashback. Peeta himself puts the pieces of her back together. Much whomp ensues.

Word count: 1.5k

cw: panic attacks, flashbacks, trauma, angst (but there’s a happy ending!)

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“I’ve been called up to the Capitol.”

Katniss is sitting on a stool by the kitchen counter watching Peeta knead some fresh dough when the words leave his mouth.

Instantly, her gaze snaps up to Peeta's, all the air rushing straight out of her lungs. It feels like she’s taken a bullet to the stomach.

(Katniss would know about the latter. She’s been shot in the stomach before.)

A single tentative word leaves her.

“What?”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

“I got the news this morning. They said I’m due for a check up.” Peeta replies; patient and gentle with her, far too kind for Katniss’s rough edges and sharp demeanour. He's still busy with the dough, but his eyes drift over to where she is - concern nestled in the blue of his irises.

The girl sits with the news for a little. Letting herself think at first that maybe she’s misheard. That this is all some cruel and sick scenario her head has made up to scare her.

But then the information begins to churn inside of her, looping around her ribcage, tightening around her lungs until she feels like can't breathe anymore.

“Katniss?”

“You’re leaving?”

Peeta brushes his hands off on the apron before stepping over to her, crouching down so that they’re eye level.

“It would only be a few days, sweetheart. Just so they can check me out. Then I’ll be straight back.” His hand is steady when he tucks her hair behind her ear, but this is Peeta and Katniss knows him better than she knows herself. He’s a practiced liar, but by now it’s easy for her to pick up on the way his smile wobbles slightly as he speaks.

“I don’t like it any more than you do, “ the boy murmurs. “But I have to go.”

Katniss knows logically that he’s telling the truth. That Peeta Mellark dislikes the Capitol just as much as she does. That he would never go back willingly unless it was something serious. The fierce urge to protect stirs inside of her and Katniss finds herself realising that she hates the Capitol, but she hates the thought of Pesta going alone even more.

“Can I come with you?”

(Katniss’s pardon does not allow for trips back to the Capitol and they both know it, but it’s still worth a try)

Peeta’s posture droops a little, expression sinking when he shakes his head.

“They won’t let you. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I did ask.”

Just like that, it’s gone. The last sliver of hope left in her. Katniss feels herself deflate, a thousand thoughts rushing through her head at breakneck speed. Noticing her growing panic, Peeta squeezes her hand in his.

“I’m coming back to you, Katniss. I will always come back to you.”

What if they decide to keep him there? What if they take him away from me? What if he comes back different? What if he doesn't know me anymore?

This last thought is the loudest and cruelest of them all.

Because that’s what really scares her. Not the thought of being alone again. Not the thought of having to face a few days with only Haymitch and Buttercup for company.

The thing that frightens Katniss most of all is the thought of Peeta Mellark not knowing who she is when he comes back.

“Please don’t go.” She hates how broken and frightened her final plea sounds in her own ears

“I have to.” His hands move up to cup her face tenderly, fingers gentle on her jaw and neck, but Katniss finds herself flinching backwards sharply.

The memory hits her like a barrel.

“Are you coming then?” Haymitch sounds lighter than he has in days and Katniss herself can barely contain her giddy excitement as they hurry towards the room that Peeta is in.

They got him back. 

He’s back, he’s back, he’s back.

That’s the only thing in her mind. Peeta is back and safe with her and maybe he can help her start making sense of Coin and Thirteen and the rebellion.

Something warm and sweet pools in her chest alongside the nerves. Hope.

Peeta is already standing up when Katniss opens the door, and the first thing that she registers is how gaunt he looks. Like his time at the Capitol has taken everything out of him and left a carcass in its wake.

But he’s still Peeta. He’s still her Peeta. Blue eyes and blonde waves. Strong hands, dimples.

Katniss reaches out for him, arms open - ready to pull his close and not let go for a long time - and Peeta steps forward too. His hands come up to her face to brush his fingers against her cheeks. Katniss can’t stop the smile that she feels unfurling on her face.

But then something in his eyes changes, and Katniss is too slow to react.

His hands find her neck, heavy and tight and suddenly the girl on fire can’t breathe. She struggles and kicks against him, but Peeta doesn’t relent - his hands pressing against her throat so forcefully that red begins to seep into the corners of her vision.

Haymitch and Boggs are there in an instant, trying their best to pull Peeta off her but his hands feel like they’ve been welded to her skin. The boy looks like something wild, something feral, snarling and baring his teeth at the men as they try to pull him off.

Katniss Everdeen has fought to survive every single day for the past seventeen years. But right now, held in the mercy of the boy she loves, Katniss feels all the fight leave her. She is going to die here. At the hands of the boy the Capitol once called her star-crossed lover.

The last thing she remembers before her vision goes black is the tearstained whisper that leaves her lips.

“I forgive you.”

Then, nothing.

“Katniss? Katniss?”

When Peeta’s voice drags her out of the depths of the flashback, the first thing she notices is that his hands are no longer on her.

Peeta Mellark is kneeling in front of her, palms up to show that he means no harm, eyes wide and worried.

“You with me, sweetheart? Can I touch you?”

The questions barely registers in Katniss’s head as she avoids his gaze.

“What- what if you come back different, Peeta I…”

“Hey, hey.” The boy’s voice is sweet. Reassuring. And Katniss can tell that he’s doing his best to not come closer - fighting against his every instinct to pull her back into his arms.

“They’re not going to change me, honey. I’m still going to be me when I come back. They aren’t Snow or Coin, Katniss. They’re good people, I promise.”

But she can still feel the ghost of his hands clenching around her throat. The bruises have long since faded, but the memory of what the Capitol turned Peeta Mellark into has not.

(Katniss doesn’t know if it ever will.)

They could turn him against her easily. They’ve done it before and the thought of it happening again terrifies her. Angry eyes, screams and insults hurled in her direction by a boy who doesn't know who she is anymore. A boy who sees her as the enemy rather than as someone who loves him.

Panic rears its ugly head once again.

“What if they hurt you? Or- Or if they change you and you don’t recognise me anymore? Peeta I wouldn’t survive that, I wouldn't-”

Katniss’s breath begins to come out in short sharp gasps and her hands curl up in fists at her side - nails digging into her palms hard enough to draw blood. She can’t breathe, can't do anything apart from letting the fear roll over her in big, black waves that threaten to drown her.

“You’re working yourself up, my love. You have to breathe, okay? Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”

The girl shakes her head, whimpering a little when her vision blurs with tears.

“You can, Katniss. I promise you can.” Peeta shuffles closer, careful to keep his hands were she can see them. “C’mon, Kat. deep breaths. You can do it.”

Slowly but surely, as she follows Peeta’s slow, exaggerated breaths, Katniss finds that the panic around her lungs loosens. She looks up at Peeta, his blue eyes finding hers ones instantly.

“Can I touch you?” The boy tries again.

Katniss nods and leans forward ever so slightly, then Peeta is scooping her off the chair and into his lap, wrapping his arms around her easily.

“I’m scared that they’ll make you forget me again.” Her teary words are muffled against his sweatshirt.

Peeta pulls away gently, a slight smile on his lips as he reaches out to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“They couldn’t make me forget you, sweetheart. Not in a million years.”

His comforting words don't stop, even when Katniss burrows back into him, nestling her head into the space under his chin.

“I’ll come back,” he says to Katniss, lips moving against the crown of her head as his hands slip under the back of her shirt to run across the scarred skin there that has never bothered him.

The residue of worry clings onto Katniss, but here, safe in Peeta’s embrace, she thinks she can handle it for a while.

Peeta’s arms tighten reassuringly around her.

“I promise. I’ll come back to you.”

 .𖥔 ݁ ˖๋࣭ ⭑🌱🌲

THE FOREST, THE FIRE, AND THE WITNESSES WATCHING

prompt: "can you write something about the Victor's reactions while watching Katniss and Peeta in the 74th Hunger Games? I always imagined Johanna laughing and cheering when Katniss pulled out the berries."

word count: 5,389

read on A03

The realisation that Rue’s body must still be warm under Katniss’s touch makes Johanna vomit there and then. Except she hasn’t eaten anything sufficient for days so all that comes up is bile as she retches and tears stream down her face.

If Finnick saw her like this, she thinks, he would unplug her television and make her sit outside in the cold. Pull her against him and rub at the gooseflesh on her arms like a brother would his younger sister. He’d ruffle her hair maybe, squeeze her shoulder comfortingly. Tell her that it’s going to be okay.

But Finnick isn’t here. No one is.

And so, without anyone to stop her from doing so, Johanna continues watching the Games.