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BLOOMING SEASON (pt. 2), kamisato ayato/reader.

SYNOPSIS... people like Kamisato Ayato who are not like the seasons do not have hearts that can withstand the test of time OR perhaps at the end of the day, you are well-deserved of change (or Sora says so).

⋆ warnings, kamisato ayato & fem-presenting!reader, gentle angst, hehe in-laws, THE CHILD (sora), introduction of reader's family, + comfort for once :) [making a part 3 bc i want a better happy ending tbh]

⋆ notes, thinking about how i was just sobbing my eyes out to 'nobody gets me' by sza for no reason

⋆ tags! @stellakito @iiyumii @neverlandlostchild @hotgirlshit5 @jureminha @yunniemai1 @iamnotobsessed @irisxiel @lumpywolf @mrs-heelshire @kunikuzushisbeloved @pineapplesneedrights @kiyoomiwo @hyunromi @simplyhumanlol @esthelily @chiisananingen

"Y/N-CHAN?" you know that voice too well, all the might in your body you used to hold yourself together wavering at the simple honorific.

your twin brother looks half asleep, deep burgundy hair lopsided and unstyled, black yukata not even properly tied, and eyes hardly able to remain open. even the guards at his chamber doors appeared startled.

you choke out his name, unable to even make it a step before your throat starts burning and closing up. gou wastes no time in rushing forward in that instant, vision alight and a worried emotion in his eyes as he pulls you into him.

for once in your life, you are grateful for him having grown into such a tall, well-built older brother, his arms firm and unyielding in the way they hold you against his chest. if you remember correctly, this was the way it had always been when you as the only daughter of the hayashi clan took the brunt of the elders' prevailing orders, from attending events in place of your late parents to managing foreign affairs for the clan.

or even giving yourself away to kamisato ayato in hopes of civilizing relations between the clans.

arms tightening just a little as you continue your sobbing, his eyes fall to akane who stands a little distance back carrying your resting daughter.

"anata? is everything alright? who's out there at this hour?" emica, gou's bride and perhaps one of your most cherished people, steps out from the bedchamber as well. gou is hesitant to let you go, but he does, allowing you to collect yourself just a little to face your sister-in-law. "y/n-san? you're—oh archons! come here, sweetie!"

you waste no time rushing into her arms, the smell of peach blossoms and the ocean filling your senses as she envelops you. if your loveless marriage had brought you any sort of joy (other than your daughter) it would be that gou was able to marry for love. kaedehara emica, oldest sister to kazuha and named matriarch of her clan in absence of her brother, she was a samurai to be reckoned with. albeit her brazen attitude towards the elders of the hayashi estate, she was kind and always ready to welcome you into her arms.

"gou, honey, bring sora to the twins' room and let her rest in there," emica says, her hand soothing against your back as she allows you to weep on her shoulder. "poor lady akane has had a long night and doesn't need to hold her anymore."

gou nods, "of course, dearest." another attendant appears to guide the three away down another hallway.

it takes a few minutes for you to recover, but emica is patient, never faltering in comforting you. after all, having been engaged only a few weeks before your parents would pass, she too would come to witness the cruelty of the elders and their treatment of the only daughter of such a highly regarded clan. she would scowl at the thought.

emica hums, "y/n-tan, are you hungry?" you meet her eyes, her expression soft and warm. "i bet cook will make his favorite patron some omurice if she were to ask~ hm?"

you laugh a little, throat a little hoarse from crying. you were a little dizzy, so you supposed some food wouldn't hurt. plus, chef was perhaps second to only your mother in terms of authority figures in your childhood. it would be a shame if you didn't stop by to pay respects to him. "i suppose you're right..."

your sister-in-law giggles, slipping an arm around your waist to walk beside you to the kitchen. "of course i'm right, i'm always right."

"I'LL kill that bastard, i swear it to celestia," gou seethes, setting his cup of tea back on the table. "how dare he speak in such a manner? has he forgotten his place?"

you are currently on your third plate of omurice, eyes observant as you watch the couple before you take in the information you have just set before him.

emica laughs softly, "now now, dear i'm sure even y/n would like to push war as one of the very last options of action. i'm sure she's at least thought of something more civil which might resolve the conflict at hand. y/n?"

you clear your throat with a sip of milktea. "divorce. seeing as how the yashiro commission had much to gain from this union, we have nothing to lose except friendly relations." you take another bite and speak once more after swallowing. "besides, had it not been for the hayashi clan, the raiden shogun would not have even considered a pardon for the yashiro commission all those years ago."

gou snorts. "i'm sure there are many things this whole damn city wouldn't have had, if it weren't for the most gracious hayashi clan." he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose before once more meeting your stare. "your solution would definitely be opposed by the elders, is that something you're willing to take on?"

emica takes your hand squeezing it lightly and offering the warmest smile. she turns to her husband. "even if it isn't, she mustn't forget the simple fact that she won't be alone and never again will be."

the thought has you smiling softly to yourself. in light of all the struggles and conflict within the noble clans of inzauma, you were happy to find a home within the people you cherished.

"AUNTIE! auntie!" two giggling and nearly identical figures come running up to you, hugging at either of your legs. akio is the one who exclaims out, asking "when did you come home?"

kentaro, tugging gently on the skirt of your kimono on your left, though curious, refrains from being as loud as his counterpart. "is everything okay, auntie?"

you kneel down, embracing the two in a tight hug, ruffling their burgundy hair just enough to get them to exclaim out. you supposed they were at the age where they liked to keep up appearances, even if just a little. "now now, didn't your mother teach you it's rude to bombard guests with questions all at once? hm?"

reaching out to poke him lightly on the cheek, kentaro makes a frown, mumbling a small "told you so" to his brother, who in return sticks his tongue out. you let go of them, opting to hold their hands instead.

"auntie and cousin sora are going to be staying here for a while, there's some building going on back at uncle's mansion. is that okay with the twins?" you feel a small pang in your heart at the mention of your husband, whom the twins hardly ever see.

the two nod, akio once again speaking first. "that's okay with kentaro and akio! i hope the building gets done soon!"

kentaro hums in agreement. "as long as auntie is comfortable in our home."

"akio! kentaro! where are my little boys?" emica calls them from the entrance of the courtyard, waving lightly to you. the boys respond accordingly, going to run off to their mother, but not before kissing you on either side of your cheeks and racing off.

standing up once more, you wave back to your sister-in-law before she heads in with the boys, reminding you of why you came out to the courtyard, to begin with. "okaasan?"

sora stands behind you, a couple of sakura blooms in her hands, the beautiful pink petals still crackling a little with electro. you smile warmly, holding your arms out to catch her in your arms and hoist her on her hip.

"having fun?" sora giggles, nodding and showing you the bloom in her hand. her vision glows on her headband, lavender strands of hair threatening to spill out from behind the hairpiece.

"akio and kentaro were showing me around the garden and i thought okaasan might like a sakura bloom!" her smile is proud and chuckle.

"well, it's very beautiful, thank you." the two of you watch as she brings her powers to life, electrifying the petals only to scatter them in the air above. "where did you learn to do that?"

sora giggles. "guuji yae! i finished my lessons at the shrine early and she said to practice this so i could show you." pausing, she continues the next part a little softly. "okaasan's been sad lately and hasn't been playing with sora..."

an ache pulls at your heart. "awh, my sweet, i'm sorry," you apologize, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. "it's true, okaasan's been a little sad lately."

her small hands go to twist lightly at your hair. "does okaasan's heart hurt? sora's heart hurts a little when she's sad too!"

oh, my little sora...

"y-yeah... okaasan's heart hurts a little." you watch her expression carefully, her violet irises continuing to be attentive to your hair.

she taps her chin, as if to think. "hmm, kentaro says to get better from being sad you have to say 'farewell' to the things that make your heart hurt." sora smiles as she lets go of your hair, seemingly satisfied with her styling job. her eyes focus on your own.

"sora loves otosan, but if okaasan is sad, sora thinks it's okay to say bye-bye."

the pink sakura petals have begun to rain down, floating slowly with the absence of wind. sora cuddles softly against your chest, yawning softly. you think back to when ayato had called you naive to hope for love. "sora loves okaasan too."

you stare at the falling petals, the courtyard shifting in hues with the setting sun. it is quiet where you stand holding sora, the trees mute and the clouds watchful as they pass a mother and daughter from overhead.

your chest does not feel heavy when you weep this time, but rather, the ache seems to lessen as you cry softly with sora against you. it smells like spring all around you and you are comfortable in your kimono in the early evening. there are potted glazed lilies that have begun to peek out to watch you, the naku weed glowing softly around the perimeter. perennials all around have also begun to fill the greenery with pretty colors.

just as seasons change, you thought, so should you.

part 1 ! | part 3 ! (still in progress)

© tb3ih mmxxii all rights reserved.

A GRIEVING HEART (pt. 3), kamisator ayato/reader.

SYNOPSIS... so it would seem there's a bit of eternity left in us all OR KAMISATO AYATO could never begin to understand the change that is love.

⋆ warnings, kamisato ayato & fem-presenting!reader, gentle angst, hehe in-laws, THE CHILD (sora), introduction of reader's family, + comfort for once :) [making a part 4 bc i want a better happy ending tbh]

⋆ notes, thinking about how i was just sobbing my eyes out to 'nobody gets me' by sza for no reason

⋆ tags! @stellakito @iiyumii @neverlandlostchild @hotgirlshit5 @jureminha @yunniemai1 @iamnotobsessed @irisxiel @lumpywolf @mrs-heelshire @kunikuzushisbeloved @pineapplesneedrights @kiyoomiwo @hyunromi @simplyhumanlol @esthelily @chiisananingen @xxevil-pleasurexx @eclevx @jcrml @xiaosonlybeloved @lightoftheamethyst

"WHAT is the meaning of this?!" of the elders slams the paper in his hand down hard on the table, expression incredulous, as if you had asked to give up the entirety of the clan's assets (which you weren't). "this is... preposterous!"

you remain calm sipping your milk tea, not allowing your expression of indifference to waver once. if your mother had taught you anything about being a matriarch, it was that remaining calm out of spite left you on the higher end of the negotiation.

you meet the eyes of every elder in the room, most have begun to break out in protests but one, in particular, remains calm and amused. her violet irises are unmistakable behind her cloak disguise and her interest moves you to continue. "are you all finished?"

this causes a sudden silence to settle over the room, all the attention now brought back to you. "you all seem to have forgotten who the matriarch of this clan is," you begin, eyes narrowed at the highest sitting elder in particular. "perhaps the years i took to raise my daughter in another estate gave you all the opportunity to think that even for one second this clan was yours to do what you pleased?"

"who was it that forged the non-aggression agreement with the tenryou commission? hm? who saved the clan from an investigation by the kanjou commission because some elders seemed to confuse business expenses with fraud?" you take a deep breath, voice still calm. "who spent years suffering through a loveless marriage simply to redeem the image of our entire clan and remain in the favor of the almighty shogun?"

your eyes tear across the elders' expressions, taking in the varying complexions of nervousness and frustration. "if any of you think for even a moment to question my claim to the hayashi clan, then i extend you all the invitation to make your case..." your eyes settle on the head elder. "or keep your mouths shut."

slow clapping emerges from the back of the room, the cloaked figure coming to stand and making her way to the front of the room. there's satisfaction in her eyes when she meets yours. "ara ara, it would seem you have truly grown up, little heiress," she muses. upon recognition, everyone bows their head in greeting.

"t-the elders of the hayashi clan greet the raiden shogun, almighty ruler of the city of eternity." no one dares to raise their head early.

raiden ei waves her hand in dismissal, putting everyone around the room at ease from their greetings. you bow your head, greeting your old teacher. "ei-sensei."

"what is this about marriage troubles i hear?" she turns to examine the expressions of the rest of the elders. "i may not have personal experience in the matter, but i'm sure it's old law to 'do unto him what any man has done you wrong', no?"

nobody in the room offers their thoughts, none looking to speak up before their great ruler. "hm? you all were so enthusiastic earlier to argue authority, why do you all hold your tongues now?"

the first elder speaks up. "i-it's not that we were... questioning authority, your excellence, j-just that perhaps we shouldn't jump to the most extreme of measures... as divorce is..."

"extreme? unfavorable? unadvantageous?" raiden ei hums amusedly to herself, turning to face you, her violet irises sparkling with intelligence. "i would say agreeing to an arranged marriage simply to satiate the greed of clan elders is a little extreme, no?"

you smile at that. "i concur."

the shogun turns to face the rest of the elders in the room. "you all may be the elders of the clan but i don't believe it to be very wise to question the judgement of the hayashi heiress, after all, i'm sure you all enjoy your own personal luxuries which would not have been possible if not for the sacrifice of your beloved matriarch."

looking at the room full of elders, you supposed it didn't hurt to come back home after all these years.

"if loss has taught me one thing," ei begins, coming to stand next to you at the balcony overlooking the sea. "it is that a grieving heart is the most unwelcoming of change."

the wind blows quietly as the sun begins to settle on the city, soft indigo and violet beginning to waltz into the skies. you suppose it's around the evening hour when sora will be returning home from her tutor lessons. "is grief something the raiden ei is familiar with?"

her smile is faint, but she hums lightly. "more than i wish to be." you remember hearing about her sister makoto, and how the loss brought her to retire to the plane of euthymia. "i may not be able to fight your battles, but i wish you eternal courage. she touches your arm lightly and small purple arcs of electro appear to gather where your skin meets hers.

your vision hums where it rests above the plane of your breasts, responsive to its giver. you bow, "the matriarch of the hayashi clan bids farewell to the almighty shogun."

and then you're watching as a pair of guards escort her from the estate, the evening breeze beginning to embrace you.

your mother used to lull you to sleep with stories of her younger days, the adventures, and the thrill. you remember how fixated you were on the tales of father courting her, all the gifts, dramatic proposals, and gloriously embarrassing serenades. the thought of your mother's many rejections has you chuckling to yourself as you watch the sky shift in rosy hues.

"oh, the things love will bring you to do..." she'd say wistfully, kissing you on your temple before bidding you goodnight.

and every night, your father would be waiting by the door, ready to welcome your mother into his arms as they waltzed to retire to their own bedroom for the night, nothing short of enamor in their eyes.

the wind tickles your eyes when you cry and you allow your posture to fold in on itself, your arms wrapped tightly around yourself.

and you weep.

because maybe you wished to be loved a little too.

part 1 ! | part 2 ! | part 4 ! (still in progress)

© tb3ih mmxxiii all rights reserved.

I don't know why I've only noticed the update today when you had sent an ask about it two weeks ago to notify me. Thank you so much for updating 🫶🏼

A TEST OF ANGUISH (pt. 4), kamisato ayato/reader

SYNOPSIS… they love is not for the weak of heart OR KAMISATO AYATO has more buried in his rib cage than he lets on. 

⋆   warnings, kamisato ayato & fem-presenting!reader, a smidge of confrontation, pain pain pain. ⋆   notes, ayato is actually an allusion to my ex lmaooo.

⋆ tags! @kiyoomiwo @hotgirlshit5 @kunikuzushisbeloved @iamnotobsessed @lightoftheamethyst @xiaosonlybeloved @jcrml @kireeen @isotofl @iiyumii @neverlandlostchild @lumpywolf @mrs-heelshire @nickey-diano @irisxiel @esthelily @chiisananingen @goodsoup101 @the-real-fandom-person @whatamidoing89 @ayatoslovelywife @lorkai @bambambunny @i-3at-kidz @kyauyumira @pineapplesneedrights @atlas-rin @hyunromi @simplyhumanlol

YOUR fingers are gentle as you thread them through sora’s hair, carefully threading the strands together until it’s a braided crown of blue. you’ve just finished tucking in the last bits of hair into her braid when you see the coloring; it’s faint, but her light blue has begun to shift to a deeper indigo at her roots. 

“okaasan, am i pretty yet?” her light indigo irises are fixed on you through the reflecting vanity mirror. sora had sensed your halt in motion, her smile innocent and inquiring. 

you bring an easy smile to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to her hair before reassuring her. “you have always been the most beautiful to me.” your hands move to adjust to the collar of her formal dress, the light purple blossoms peeking out just over her shoulders. you had this dress made just before you left the kamisato estate, hopeful that she might be able to wear it during summer festivities rather than a trial between two dominant clans. 

a reality which you seem to be so detached from as of late. 

it had been a couple months since you’ve moved out of your old residence, a decision you made in the best interest of you and your daughter, and yet you can’t help the strange welling in your heart at the thought of having to set foot inside once more. 

a house once full of unity, now harboring distrust and tension, you had no choice to bring sora back to it. as the sole heir to the hayashi matriarch and the only child of the head of the yashiro commission, sora could not be absent. 

“sora,” you begin, “i just want you to know… that, uhm…” there’s a lump in your throat and something tickles at your tear ducts. your daughter turns to face you on her chair, her smaller hands coming to cup around your face as her expression fills with worry. “i’m alright, flower, no need to worry.” you bring a hand to place on hers, thumb rubbing softly against the back of her hand in comfort.

“after today, if somethings don’t go the way i planned,” you explain, “i don’t want you to think for even a second that i don’t love you. not ever.” the thought of having to give her up had been tormenting you the past few weeks after the elders had brought into question succession for both clans with the continuance of a divorce. 

between the yashiro commission and the hayashi clan, there was only one legitimate heir. and you’re sure everyone who was anyone in the room would want a claim to your sora. 

“everything will be alright as long as i’m with mama,” sora replies quietly, offering a soft smile. there was absolutely nothing you wouldn’t do for this little girl. 

you press a soft kiss to her forehead. “let’s hope that never changes.”

holding her hand in yours, the two of you leave the room, making it down the hall to the grand room where the most important meetings are held. the few elders which had gathered outside the door lower their gazes and bow, offering you their respects. The guards outside the door stand in position of salute, only moving back to a position of attention when you nod. 

there are whispers among the few which you pass on your way towards the doors, their voices hushed but not quiet enough for you to miss. 

“a pity the yashiro commission has to incur such a loss over a petty issue,” one criticizes. 

“you’d think as a matriarch she’d be more understanding and mature,” the other replies. “it seems ridiculous to stage such a trial between clans, no?”

sora looks up at you with confusion in her eyes, and you simply bring a soft smile to your face, shaking your head in dismissal. “you pay them no mind, flower.” you stop just before the doors, your free hand coming to signal to the door keepers. “vermin who mooch off of their diluted family ties hold no opinion in the court of nobility.”

there are some hushed gasps behind you and you see your daughter giggle, the doors coming to open before you to reveal a larger room of gathering nobles. directly in front of you at the grand table, kamisato ayato sits beside his younger sister, an image of placid indifference reflected in his figure. 

the elders seated in the room took to their feet, offering a bow of acknowledgement as you approached the room. ayato was delayed in his response, standing moments later and offering a deep bow. 

you bowed in response, sinking deeply before returning back to your full height. Akane appeared at your side at once, ushering sora to the side seats where she could sit but remain in proximity to you. 

“matriarch of the hayashi clan, i, kamisato ayato, head of the kamisato clan, greet you humbly. regardless of the outcome, i wish all good intentions during this trial.” his voice is smooth and courteous, but void of any emotion, yet another twist to the knife in your heart. 

“i, hayashi y/n, head of the hayashi clan, wish you well in this fair trial and hope you accept the ruling without protest,” you reply, smile soft and polite. 

you see his jaw tick at this, a feeling of satisfaction settling deep in your bones. 

when the doors open one final time, it is everyone’s turn to bow, for the raiden shogun comes waltzing in, voice calm and level when she asks, “shall we get started then?”

"SHE was born on the kamisato estate, by natural laws she is the kamisato clan’s right!” an elder at the table, whom you recognize to be one of the most senior among those gathered from the opposing party. she only ever liked the number on the profit amount your marriage brought her. “this is inarguably–”

one of the elders from your side stands from his chair, violet eyes seething at the remark. “inarguable? it was not in the contractual agreement!” 

the air is tense with anger, confusion, and stubbornness, all of which you remain aware of yet quiet. your eyes are trained on your husband, his eyes also never leaving yours since the moment the both of you sat down. 

it isn’t until the raiden shogun speaks do the two of you avert your eyes to her. “why are the lot of you discussing the little girl as if she’s a mere object? Have you any respect for the child?” her violet eyes are narrowed and gaze is pointed, as if to pierce straight through anyone who might answer her conjecture incorrectly. 

“n-no, almighty s-shogun–” 

another elder stands, trembling before the archon. “please, we didn’t mean any insolence–”

“and yet,” raiden continues, “i have yet to hear anything remotely negotiable in the past two hours i’ve been stuck sitting in this chair. tell me, have you any idea what the girl is like? taken the time to understand who sora is?”

at this, ayato flinches, the question itself more indirectly intended for him. 

“it is true that by natural law sora is entitled to the kamisato clan,” raiden begins, the faces of all those in favor of the aforementioned clan lighting up in delight, “but after further examination of the justification for the divorce, it would seem that she is, inarguably, the rightful heir to the hayashi clan.”

protest begins to break out amongst the elders and you feel the heat clawing at the back of your throat, the tickle of electricity in the air as everyone begins to overwhelm you. before you can react, there is a burst of blue, water form the shape of blades pointed at every elder in the room. 

“all of you, hush!” it is your husband, hands clenched on the table and expression tight with rage. “had it not been for any of you, we would never be in this mess to begin with!”

the room is silent but for the ticking of the clock. his words ring through your head, a mixture of confusion and anger swirling in the pit of your stomach. 

“the elders?” your voice is just barely a whisper. “i spent nearly a decade wasting away in a loveless marriage and you want to blame the elders?!” 

your husbands eyes are wide when they meet yours, his mouth open as if his words were not meant to be his. 

you laugh coldly. “i knew you were a low creature, but i had never thought you to be pathetic enough to continue blaming everyone but yourself–”

“i do blame myself! i am the only one i blame!” ayato’s eyes are a mix of desperate blue and you’re not sure what to think of it. “i sleep alone and walk past empty rooms where you and sora used to play. i sit at an empty table where we used to eat. i waste away in a home of ghost and absent memories, do not tell me that i do not blame myself!”

“then where were you?” you think he’s unbelievable. “where. were. you? i brought her into this world alone. she received her vision without you. her first summer festival, without you. archons, ayato! where were you?!”

“i thought you hated me!”

“you’re the one who told me we were married for politics!”

“because i wanted you to hurt!”

“why?”

“because i love you!” he is huffing and attempting to catching his breath. he runs his hands through his hair frustratedly, looking around at the room of eyes all on him. lowering his voice, he continues, “from the moment i met you, i loved you, and i have never felt like i was enough and thought of bringing you anything but happiness did terrible things to me.”

you swallow the lump inn your throat. “so you abandoned me?”

he can’t meet your eyes. “i felt if you were too close, you might discover the worst of me. that maybe if you–”

“no. no, ayato, don’t be cruel,” you interrupt, shaking your head. You will not hear any of this. you stand from your chair, a look of anguish on your face when you meet those beautiful cerulean irises. “you have no right to say that.” 

he stands too, hand almost reaching towards you. “my dearest–”

“no!” your voice cracks and you pick up the skirt of your dress, back up towards the doors which you came in. “you can curse at me, insult me, do your worst, but you have no right to plead your love to me!”

sora stands from her chair and comes running to you, her small hands clasping at yours. you gather her in your arms, ordering the guards to open the doors. you turn to face your husband who, having rushed from the other side of the table, stands just meters away from you. 

“you are a cruel man, kamisato ayato.” your eyes are sharp with hatred, your expression twisted with pain. you bow in acknowledgement to the raiden shogun, who nods back. you meet the gazes of all the elders in the room before replying, “this trial is over, i will hear no more of your grievances.”

and you turn and run. you escape. you leave with sora in your arms your past on your tail.

because love shouldn’t hurt. it shouldn’t.

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 5 (coming soon!)

© tb3ih mmxxiv all rights reserved.

Got me teary eyed

Love that Raiden Ei is on our side

A GRIEVING HEART (pt. 3), kamisator ayato/reader.

SYNOPSIS... so it would seem there's a bit of eternity left in us all OR KAMISATO AYATO could never begin to understand the change that is love.

⋆ warnings, kamisato ayato & fem-presenting!reader, gentle angst, hehe in-laws, THE CHILD (sora), introduction of reader's family, + comfort for once :) [making a part 4 bc i want a better happy ending tbh]

⋆ notes, thinking about how i was just sobbing my eyes out to 'nobody gets me' by sza for no reason

⋆ tags! @stellakito @iiyumii @neverlandlostchild @hotgirlshit5 @jureminha @yunniemai1 @iamnotobsessed @irisxiel @lumpywolf @mrs-heelshire @kunikuzushisbeloved @pineapplesneedrights @kiyoomiwo @hyunromi @simplyhumanlol @esthelily @chiisananingen @xxevil-pleasurexx @eclevx @jcrml @xiaosonlybeloved @lightoftheamethyst

"WHAT is the meaning of this?!" of the elders slams the paper in his hand down hard on the table, expression incredulous, as if you had asked to give up the entirety of the clan's assets (which you weren't). "this is... preposterous!"

you remain calm sipping your milk tea, not allowing your expression of indifference to waver once. if your mother had taught you anything about being a matriarch, it was that remaining calm out of spite left you on the higher end of the negotiation.

you meet the eyes of every elder in the room, most have begun to break out in protests but one, in particular, remains calm and amused. her violet irises are unmistakable behind her cloak disguise and her interest moves you to continue. "are you all finished?"

this causes a sudden silence to settle over the room, all the attention now brought back to you. "you all seem to have forgotten who the matriarch of this clan is," you begin, eyes narrowed at the highest sitting elder in particular. "perhaps the years i took to raise my daughter in another estate gave you all the opportunity to think that even for one second this clan was yours to do what you pleased?"

"who was it that forged the non-aggression agreement with the tenryou commission? hm? who saved the clan from an investigation by the kanjou commission because some elders seemed to confuse business expenses with fraud?" you take a deep breath, voice still calm. "who spent years suffering through a loveless marriage simply to redeem the image of our entire clan and remain in the favor of the almighty shogun?"

your eyes tear across the elders' expressions, taking in the varying complexions of nervousness and frustration. "if any of you think for even a moment to question my claim to the hayashi clan, then i extend you all the invitation to make your case..." your eyes settle on the head elder. "or keep your mouths shut."

slow clapping emerges from the back of the room, the cloaked figure coming to stand and making her way to the front of the room. there's satisfaction in her eyes when she meets yours. "ara ara, it would seem you have truly grown up, little heiress," she muses. upon recognition, everyone bows their head in greeting.

"t-the elders of the hayashi clan greet the raiden shogun, almighty ruler of the city of eternity." no one dares to raise their head early.

raiden ei waves her hand in dismissal, putting everyone around the room at ease from their greetings. you bow your head, greeting your old teacher. "ei-sensei."

"what is this about marriage troubles i hear?" she turns to examine the expressions of the rest of the elders. "i may not have personal experience in the matter, but i'm sure it's old law to 'do unto him what any man has done you wrong', no?"

nobody in the room offers their thoughts, none looking to speak up before their great ruler. "hm? you all were so enthusiastic earlier to argue authority, why do you all hold your tongues now?"

the first elder speaks up. "i-it's not that we were... questioning authority, your excellence, j-just that perhaps we shouldn't jump to the most extreme of measures... as divorce is..."

"extreme? unfavorable? unadvantageous?" raiden ei hums amusedly to herself, turning to face you, her violet irises sparkling with intelligence. "i would say agreeing to an arranged marriage simply to satiate the greed of clan elders is a little extreme, no?"

you smile at that. "i concur."

the shogun turns to face the rest of the elders in the room. "you all may be the elders of the clan but i don't believe it to be very wise to question the judgement of the hayashi heiress, after all, i'm sure you all enjoy your own personal luxuries which would not have been possible if not for the sacrifice of your beloved matriarch."

looking at the room full of elders, you supposed it didn't hurt to come back home after all these years.

"if loss has taught me one thing," ei begins, coming to stand next to you at the balcony overlooking the sea. "it is that a grieving heart is the most unwelcoming of change."

the wind blows quietly as the sun begins to settle on the city, soft indigo and violet beginning to waltz into the skies. you suppose it's around the evening hour when sora will be returning home from her tutor lessons. "is grief something the raiden ei is familiar with?"

her smile is faint, but she hums lightly. "more than i wish to be." you remember hearing about her sister makoto, and how the loss brought her to retire to the plane of euthymia. "i may not be able to fight your battles, but i wish you eternal courage. she touches your arm lightly and small purple arcs of electro appear to gather where your skin meets hers.

your vision hums where it rests above the plane of your breasts, responsive to its giver. you bow, "the matriarch of the hayashi clan bids farewell to the almighty shogun."

and then you're watching as a pair of guards escort her from the estate, the evening breeze beginning to embrace you.

your mother used to lull you to sleep with stories of her younger days, the adventures, and the thrill. you remember how fixated you were on the tales of father courting her, all the gifts, dramatic proposals, and gloriously embarrassing serenades. the thought of your mother's many rejections has you chuckling to yourself as you watch the sky shift in rosy hues.

"oh, the things love will bring you to do..." she'd say wistfully, kissing you on your temple before bidding you goodnight.

and every night, your father would be waiting by the door, ready to welcome your mother into his arms as they waltzed to retire to their own bedroom for the night, nothing short of enamor in their eyes.

the wind tickles your eyes when you cry and you allow your posture to fold in on itself, your arms wrapped tightly around yourself.

and you weep.

because maybe you wished to be loved a little too.

part 1 ! | part 2 ! | part 4 ! (still in progress)

© tb3ih mmxxiii all rights reserved.

stop what if

Heizou probably has a habit of accidentally flirting with everyone. Probably you got so fed up with it, you ended up breaking up with him.

Thoma feeling bad that he accidentally spent way more time with Ayaka than he spent time with you.

Childe accidentally hurting you by his excruciatingly big ego, he misunderstands “i’m worried about you” by “you’re not strong”.

Dottore accidentally screaming at you because you disturbed him in an important experiment. Little did he know he forgot you were more important.

Scaramouche keeps denying your love to him after his dark past, people leaving him. You said you weren’t leaving and he doubted it. But now you actually did leave him, all because of him. He regretted it.

Gorou’s loyalty to Her Excellency seemed more important than his love for you, or your love for him. He probably didn’t even notice you left until Kokomi mentioned it.

Diluc gets upset everytime you mentioned about him getting along with Kaeya. He ended up breaking up with you, but he was the dumb one now. It was just a request. Why was he so overdramatic?

Zhongli probably only used you as a coping mechanism, as if you were Guizhong. After you left, he fell inlove with you far too late.

Sometimes Ayato gets overworked. Asking him to rest is difficult. He found you annoying. You left. He misses your annoying personality.

Alhaitham’s suspicious activities.. always trying to find information about the Canned Knowledge Capsule seems to be more prioritized than your well-being to him. Were you just for display?

You hate how Kaeya spends his night in the Tavern than spending time with you. As if he was cheating on you with the Tavern. Ridiculous.

Itto’s personality.. could be a little hard to understand. He never takes things seriously and probably has the biggest ego. He would never take serious discussions.. well.. seriously.

you guys seem to really like this, so here’s a longer version for Scaramouche, Zhongli and Thoma! HERE

bitter

pairing: kamisato ayato x f!reader

wc: 3k

genre: angst

summary: where you are in an arranged marriage with him and you rarely ever see him

warning: somewhat traditional housewife roles, negative thoughts

What a cruel fate it was, to fall in love with a man who neither loves or hates you.

To spend long, cold nights alone. A large, indifferent room divided by two separate futons.

You knew that your husband was a busy man. He worked all night, barely resting during the day, and every time you’ve caught glimpse of his office, there was always a huge mess laying around on his desk. But having been married to him for such a long time, you felt that the distance between you two grew longer and longer every day.

In the morning, you would greet him with the biggest smile you could muster. He would greet you back with the same gentle smile everyday. At this point, you knew what his real smile looked like. You don’t recall when the last time he’s ever given you one.

If Miss Ayaka and Thoma were busy, and you dined alone with your husband, the table would be silent. You didn’t know what to say, and he’d also be reading over papers while eating, so you were afraid to disturb him. If the two were present, or if there were any other guests, Ayato would be more active in the conversation, joking lightheartedly and appearing like he was actually enjoying himself.

This man did not treat you unkindly despite having these feelings that lurked in your chest. In fact, it was the opposite. He was a true gentleman every time you interacted with him. He would open the door for you while you two walked together. He would pull out the chair when you wanted to sit. He would hold your hand and escort you to any event, or if you were getting on/off a carriage.

But it was all superficial. It felt like he was forcing himself to do these actions for you. You couldn’t even tell what his intentions are for doing so. You couldn’t tell if he just disliked you, disliked this arranged marriage, or if he just wanted people to see what a loving husband he was, that everything was okay right now even though it really wasn’t.

From touchless nights to meaningless small talk, your heart ached at the thought of everything. You don’t ever recall the last time he’s kissed you on the lips in private. You don’t recall the last time he’s ever opened up to you about the depths of his heart, from the things that scared him the most, to the things that has made him truly happy.

And while you know that a relationship thrives off of communication, you couldn’t help but feel scared. You were scared that the man in front of you would grow even colder, shutting off the depths of his heart forever, pushing you away if you were to ever confront him. Maybe he’d even take it to an extreme and call off the marriage with you, telling you that he never loved you, as this was really only an arrangement between your two families. Maybe he was in love with someone else prior to this marriage, and he has only reserved his heart for them all of these years.

You have seen his darker sides. He doesn’t think that anyone has noticed, but you have. You were always watching him, after all.

A more mischievous side of him existed deep down in there, a certain sly foxiness that could even rival Guuji Yae herself. Sometimes, it would scare you to see that forced smile on his face as if what lingered in his mind were true thoughts darker than what he had initially led on.

But despite his flaws, despite the mask he constantly wore around, you loved him. You loved him so much it hurt. You loved how he cared for people despite them being complete strangers to him. You loved his gentle smile as he holds your hand so tenderly when you accidentally trip. How could a man be so kind, yet so cruel to your heart?

And even as you laid in bed most nights alone, shedding tears as if you were the dark side of the crystal moon longing for the light of the sun, you still loved him regardless.

You were in your futon all alone as of this moment, staring at the ceiling. The room was pitch black and silent, other than the occasional sounds of the residual droplets from the passing rain. Ayato would never let you rest in a room that was cold, so the temperature was heated comfortably, yet you couldn’t help but bundle yourself up under the covers even more.

It was cold without him. You didn’t even realize when the last time he had actually went to bed in this room you both allegedly shared.

But it didn’t matter anyways because his futon laid far away from yours.

Your own husband wouldn’t even come near you when you’re together in the same room. You didn’t know if he just wanted to be respectful as a formality between husband and wife, or if he is repulsed by being in the same vicinity as you, but it hurt regardless.

You sighed as you covered your face with the blanket, trying to get rid of these harboring thoughts. It was no use, no matter what you did, you couldn’t stop thinking about your relationship with him every single night. He is what plagues your mind at night, like a thorn lodged deep in a fingertip. It was only soon that will you be bleeding out your love for him.

How could you make a scene about all of this anyways? You've seen how hard he works. You knew that everything he does, it was for the sake of protecting his family and home. Who were you to complain about how busy he was? That was another reason why you continued to keep silent. You thought that your worries meant nothing compared to his own.

Your mind was racing a mile per minute, and you knew you weren't able to get any sleep like this. You get up and out of your futon as you decide to go for a stroll around the estate. The guards protected the outside and prevented from anybody from coming in. As long as you walked around inside, there should be no problem with you strolling the corridors, so long as you remained quiet.

Lighting up a candle, you started meandering through the halls, your footsteps nearly silent with no goal or destination in mind. You didn't even realize your feet had automatically taken you to the doors of his office, the same door that you have stared at many times, knowing that your husband was in there, but you had no reason or courage to open. You see the dimly lit light through the translucent paper sheets, and you knew that tonight was going to be another long night with no rest for him.

You sighed, not remembering the last time you had been in his office, and you were about to step away, but the door suddenly slides open rather violently. You flinch in shock because you didn’t expect for anything to happen, as he usually never notices you there.

"Who is there?" He said in a serious tone, and you were finally greeted by the man who plagued your every thought and dreams. His hand laid on the hilt of his sword, almost as if was ready to strike down any intruder who was lurking in the shadows. But instead of drawing his sword, he blinked a few times, realizing it was just you who stood there. He instantly let go of the sword and his expression relaxed a bit, although his eyebrows were furrowed slightly to show confusion. "Y/n? What are you doing here? It is almost 2am right now."

His presence stunned you for a second before you snapped out of the current awe-struck daze you were in. It had been quite a while since you've seen his face. He was rarely home anymore, but when he was, he would be holed up in his office. You only ever see him to greet him when he returned back home, and sometimes when he leaves, as he had a habit of sneaking out secretly every so often.

"Oh." You were flustered at this unexpected situation. "I had trouble sleeping, so I decided to go for a walk..."

"Is something troubling you?" He asked in concern. "If it is work-related with the household, then I know Ayaka would be happy to give you a hand.”

"It's not that..." You shook your head. You didn't want him to worry about you, so you tell him a small lie. "It's just one of those nights..."

"I see."

"Have you been faring well?" You then asked him.

He gave you a small, gentle smile, but you have seen this many times. It was one of the masks he wore when he wasn’t telling the truth.

"I've been doing alright," he replied. Anybody would've believed him, as he would never appear disheveled in front of anybody, but from the way his eyes had a slight dark tint underneath them and the mess that apparently was his desk with papers and pens strewn everywhere, you knew that he was far from so. "I was actually looking to take a break soon from my paperwork. Since you probably will be up for a little bit, would you care to join me?"

An invitation from him was rare, and you immediately jumped ship. You nodded. "Let me go prepare some tea."

"Oh, there's no need to do that."

"Nonsense," you gave him a reassuring smile, knowing what he was going to say. He was so considerate as always, not wanting to trouble you. "It will only be a few.”

You start to walk down the hall to head to the kitchen, but you were surprised to hear footsteps behind you. Before you knew it, Ayato was walking beside you, and you could hear your heart thumping in your chest.

"Ayato?" You questioned.

It was dim, as the candle was the only thing that lit the dark halls, so you can barely make out his expression.

"I'll tag along with you then." He said softly, as to not wake anybody else up. "It will be a good change of pace from being stuck in my office all night."

To you, he was so hard to read at times. If he was accompanying you, he surely must have his reasons, as he had never used any of his personal time on you before. He only accompanied you outside when he had a special meeting at an event that required for both spouses to arrive. Those were the only times when he was somewhat affectionate. That was why you were nervous when he decided to come along with you, thinking he had an ulterior motive like he usual does. But a small, small part of you hoped that it was something else; that he wanted to join you because he missed you and wanted to just idly chat.

You stepped into the kitchen and then lit a brighter lantern to illuminate the room using your own candle. But before you could do anything else, you see Ayato's hand push a portion of your hair aside. You couldn't help but feel your cheeks heat up at the action, your eyes making its way towards him now that you were able to see his face.

He wore a gentle smile on his face as he looked down at you tenderly. A rare expression indeed, you’ve only noted him to give this look to Ayaka. It made your heart hurt a little as it thumped away in your chest, feeling like you could soar to the moon and never come back.

"Your hair was getting close to the flames, so I didn't want it to burn,” he explained.

"Oh..." You didn't know what else you could say. "Thank you..."

With that, you started boiling the kettle of water, your body moving to find tea leaves. Ayato watches on without speaking a word, and you two drift into a somewhat lulling silence.

As you prepare your leaves, Ayato interrupts the silence no sooner than later.

“There’s another event that the Kanjou Commission is hosting,” he replied. There it was. He needed you to attend another political event with him. You were once so naive to think that he would actually spend time with you just because he wanted to. You knew he hated small talk and would rather get straight to the point, in which he did just do so. “I was hoping you wouldn’t mind attending it with me.”

Of course you didn’t mind, if it meant that you would be spending more time with him. But even if you did expect for this, you were still disappointed.

“Sure. When will it be?”

“In two months. They’re hosting a party event to discuss upcoming financial plans for the winter.”

You nodded, your hands a little rougher than usual as you crushed up the dried tea leaves in the mortar. Usually you would hide your emotions well, but it definitely showed in the way you pounded at the leaves.

If Ayato had noticed your switch in moods, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he went over to the cabinet to grab two cups for the tea.

“I appreciate it. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you.”

Another blatant lie fueled only by courtesy. He always says this whenever you did a favor for him. If you were to truly ask for a favor, he would have Thoma somehow fulfill it, or he would say that he was too busy to do it himself, and that he would make it up later. He would send a gift, picked out by either Thoma or Ayaka of course, to later apologize for not fulfilling your promise.

And although it has only happened four or five times before you’d stop asking him for favors, knowing that he was too busy to fulfill them, it still left a bitter feeling within you.

You felt that it was selfish for you to feel this way. You knew that he had lost his parents at a young age, having to resume the role as the leader of the Yashiro Commission and head of the Kamisato Clan very early in life. You thought it wasn’t right for you to feel bitter about small things like this. Yet, as you glanced at the man in front of you, who barely looked at you and instead stared at the bright full moon outside, your heart ached at this solemn expression— one that loomed with fatigue and tiredness.

Maybe what you truly longed for was his happiness. Maybe you wanted to share that happiness with him, although you knew it would be a long shot. So long as he was the head of the Yashiro Commission, the leader of the Shuumatsuban, there will always be a distance between you two, as he prioritized things differently from any other typical person. Even though he was in the same room as you right now, as the moon peaked through the small window, the cicadas singing in the distance, he still looked as alone as ever. Like there was an unmeasurable length between you two, and you were too afraid to cross it, in fear that you would never be able to reach him.

The kettle soon starts to heat up, and you take it off the flame to start steeping the tea leaves. A few minutes of silence passed, and you wondered if he was going to leave immediately after he finished his tea. It was still hot, so you did have a couple more minutes left with him, right?

You poured the tea carefully in the cup and then proceeded to hand it over to him.

“It’s hot, so be careful.”

“Thank you,” he smiled at you and graciously accepted the tea. He picks it up to his lips, blowing it a few times as he inhaled the scent. “This smells like a different type of tea than the one you served at the event the other day.”

You remembered that event. You were attending a birthday party for an old couple who were close friends with the Kamisato’s. You brewed that tea with extra care, knowing that Ayato was going to drink it on that very occasion.

“It was truly delicious,” he complimented and you felt your heart soar at his words once more. “I know I never said this, but it was one of my favorite hot teas.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” I smiled, making note to remember that information. “This one that I brewed helps with stress and calms the mind.”

He took a sip once the tea is cooled down a bit more. “I can see how this one can have that effect. It’s a very mild, but calming flavor. It’s a good choice for you to brew this, since it will probably help you sleep.”

Actually, you had brewed it for him, so that he wouldn’t stress so much, but you held your tongue back. Instead, you took a sip of the hot tea, trying to match his pace so that you both could finish at the same time.

“I hope you like it,” you instead said.

“I do enjoy it quite a bit,” he replied with a small smile on his face. “I will take it to my office and savor it. I appreciate you willing to spend time with me.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

“I hope you get some sleep soon, and try not to stay awake for too long,” your husband states. “Please pardon me, I must return to my work.”

You forced out a smile in return, knowing he had cut his time off with you short on purpose.

“Have a good night, Ayato.”

He gave a small nod as he walked out with the tea in his hand. You wait for the door to fully shut before you leaned on the counter with your back.

He didn't even wait to finish the tea before he left. He just went straight to the point.

Your hands gripped the ceramic tea cup tightly. It felt like if you had held it tight enough, it would shatter and break, scalding your skin like the way your husband did just now.

Your tears dripped into the tea, the salty solution messing with the delicate taste of the drink as you sipped it, not wanting to waste it. What was once a calming, smooth taste was now bitter.

So, so bitter.

It was another cruel, lonely night that awaited you.

Let me know if you want a part 2 and I will be happy to write one!