Backslide And Navigating Hit Me Like Several Flying Hammers - Tumblr Posts

CW// non detailed discussion of suicidal ideation and addiction *in the context of recovery*

Clancy is my "met me exactly where I was" album. This is all my personal interpretation ofc, and i excluded lore, but regardless, I still find it. so. deeply relatable.

I'm at a place in my life where I'm far enough away from my Rock Bottom to know I do not have --or maybe do not give myself--the option to go back. And I know (personally and from the people ive met while in treatment) being met with the path your past self carved for you now while in the pits of misery is disheartening, to say the least.

When you're in that kind of dark place, I think a lot of people just settle there. There's a cognitive dissonance that sets in. You KNOW you're doing nothing for (if not actively sabotaging) your future but when you're finally out of it. It's. Scary.

The way I've always described it is "When I'm not at rock bottom I can see how far the fall is"

A lot of people joke about "I wasn't supposed to live this long," but there really is a lot of terror and frustration that implies. Life in recovery from mental illness and/or substance abuse sometimes it feels like you're detective, victim, and suspect all at once. Trying to frantically piece together a life you didn't even WANT to be living. But you have to keep going, you don't know why but you just have to.