Be My Favorite - Tumblr Posts
I have super little time to write the kind of extensive meta that I want to to CELEBRATE this FABULOUS episode 8 of Be My Favorite, so here’s more of a stream of consciousness edit of the notes I took during the episode, and prayers up that they all make sense as a whole.
This episode to me was about the start of Kawi EMBRACING THE PRESENT. To live with ACCOUNTABILITY AND RESPONSIBILITY. I really loved the recap at the end of 1/1, before Kawi holds the crystal ball. Kawi’s reflecting and getting a BETTER, MORE OBJECTIVE overview of the impact of changing the future, and how much his power can ACTUALLY change things.
He gave the diary to Pisaeng so that Pisaeng could understand if things were changing in Pisaeng’s life without context. In other words: he is beginning to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings.
Kawi is beginning to recognize that his INTENTIONAL decisions in the PRESENT MOMENT will be the determinant to a future that’s… happier? Or at least – a future that will, hopefully, include some, if not all, of the people he loves.
AND: he’s learning that if you live your present life WITH that intention – then THAT is the main control that a human has to determining one’s happiness.
He learns that he cannot change the future in an ABSOLUTE – his father will still die. It’s an important lesson. He cannot predict every single turn a human can take and guarantee a great outcome.
I absolutely love the reflection on not running away. Pisaeng tells his mother he doesn’t want to leave Thailand. Pisaeng’s mom wants him to live overseas to live an “easier” life. But we then get the comparative reflection of Kawi and Max at the wonderful LGBTQ+ event, where we hear that running away just – doesn’t work.
Max is the guy – the guy for Kawi and Pisaeng that’s rooted in a very present world. The guy that can really see through both of them, understand their internal shifts and discomforts, and diagnose what Kawi and Pisaeng each have been struggling with. And, so beautifully – Max gives Kawi his flowers for just being a good friend. In the present.
Dudes, I never, ever shy away from a story that focuses on accountability and responsibility. It’s tough human shit, tough behavioral shit. When characters learn how to hold themselves accountable, and we see that process – Kawi, Khai, Frame, Phupha at the end of Our Skyy 2, Nozue, even Fuse (holy shit), etc. – the guys who will GO THROUGH a very TOUGH and HUMAN process of holding themselves PAINFULLY RESPONSIBLE to change on behalf of someone else – it is just GOOD ART when it is DONE WELL.
I am sure I will unwind more as I get through my day, but wanted to note these awesome, predictive easter eggs. This show is telling its story in so many ways – through the philosophical references we saw earlier in the series, and today, through shirts! (Yo, @grapejuicegay, we’re always looking for BBS connections, right? SHIRTS!)
MATCHING COUPLES SHIRTS! THEY’RE A COUPLE, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS IN THE PRESENT OR ALL THE FUTURES.
KAWI WEARING A DUDES SHIRT! HE’S GONNA LIKE GUYS!
LOL. I WANNA WEAR A SHIRT THAT SAYS “DUDES.” Let me get my message across AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLY – I LIKE DUDES, I’M GONNA LIKE DUDES.
FUCK THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD! More soon. Our boy Kawi is growing up. Krist and Gawin are EATING. THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD!
(ccing @dribs-and-drabbles @lurkingshan @chickenstrangers – I got to watch this earlier than expected, yay!)
It's almost like the media talking about people being lovers and making up rumors is a really bad thing and forces people into the closet with their own discomfort of the world seeing them in a way they know they'll be judged for being. And how much it absolutely ruins friendships.
Now, this one does come back to Kawi being the one to push Piseang away to push the issue but it truly comes back to the fact that relationships and personal lives shouldn't be the biggest part of so many media franchises and interviews.
When you have actors literally being reported on for saying that they were acting in a show because everyone assumes all actors that romance each other are secretly really dating... how do you handle that when you're not ready to be out of the closet to yourself, let alone to the entire world?
You shut it down. You shut yourself down. And you hide like a turtle in your shell, trying to protect yourself except that everything you're trying to protect yourself from comes with into that shell because you always have it with you.
I have often asked myself how many actors have lost friendships because of the assumptions of the media and the fans that they couldn't keep up with after the show and thus had to stay apart for the sake of their own lives even if they could have been very good friends or were. I really, really do.
But this scene also focuses on Piseang because Kawi might be the one getting the questions but it's Piseang who is truly suffering for it, who is being asked to give up a friend and to hide himself and to be less because Kawi is in the spotlight.
This is mainly a story about how Kawi hurts the people in his life because he can't look past his own desires and his own ideas to see how much the people around him hurt for his choices.
There are so many layers to this kind of pain and to the realities of how people are judged.
I've been struggling with Kawi's future in ep 7, where he has abandoned all his friends, has serious issues, and Pearmai has left him because he doesn't think of anything but himself. It felt wrong to me given how again and again we're shown how much Kawi wants to care for Pearmai, likes looking out for her, from the very beginning...
...to the point where he opened himself up to a rejection that haunted him for 18 years, prompting him to never sing again, just so he could make an effort to better himself for her. How do you go from that to this?
@waitmyturtles talks about how the show wants you to pay attention to time and truth and how it is relative to the moment in which it is being sought.
For 12 years, Kawi's truth was that the moment he was "rejected" (@waitmyturtles: truth is relative to the beholder) was the moment his life went downhill. Everything was defined by that moment that he considered a finality. Everything after that was him going through the motions - including his father dying - in that things keep happening to him and he just moves through it rather than as an active participant.
@rocketturtle4 has also pointed out that when Kawi uses the crystal ball, everyone seems to freeze in their character development at the moment from which Kawi jumps forward in time.
The first time he jumps back and he is Pisaeng's best man, Kawi believes everything is the same while Pisaeng thinks they are already friends.
The second time he jumps back is after he had lunch with Pearmai and his only new certainty is that he's the same but him and Pear are now friends. Except Pisaeng has also had this moment
And so we get Pear and Pisaeng still getting married (but him Pear and Pisaeng are all friends) and Pisaeng showing up with a confession for Kawi that he likes him.
And now the third time. The third time around, this is what Kawi thinks of himself
Someone special. Someone for whom nothing is impossible - the girl he likes might be interested in him and he just saved his father's life. In that moment, he is on top of the world. And he remains there in this version of the future.
@dribs-and-drabbles said in her post, "Kawi's Self - his identity - is built from his memories of the past and his immoveable desire of what he wanted and still wishes his future to look like."
This time around, he has goals (some of them originating from his desire to be good enough for Pear but now he has enough things happening in his life that it's not just about her). And those goals, along with the exhilarated mindset he was in was how we get the Kawi we saw there. Successful but so cocky that he's driving people away. And the exhilaration translates into constant partying, constant drinking.
Lin also said "he hasn't had enough time in his changed past to process the new memories of his past" which is true the first two times, but the third time he goes back he's about a year in the future (around the time his dad was supposed to have died, which was a year after his rejection) and has been an active participant in what is happening to him. Which is why this time around he also has memories of the past 12 years. Because there are memorable things happening.
Even Pisaeng is frozen in the moment that Kawi went back to the future. He still feels the same, he's still a patient guy, and still open with his feelings.
But the thing that made me absolutely sure about this? The very strange conversation between Kawi and Pisaeng about Kawi not being able to contact Pisaeng. Because there is no real explanation for it. "Is there actually something wrong with me like Max said" doesn't really explain that.
But Pisaeng entering with this line the moment Kawi's present is being frozen in place for the future.
Every version of the future is based on Kawi in the present (his past but not really. Not when he never really lived beyond that point ever before).
When he talked to discount Jinta (I've seen the theories about him potentially being Kawi from the future. I'm going to keep calling him discount Jinta for now), he said he wanted to fix the crystal ball to fix something in the past. The problem with the past was never really what happened with Pear, it was Kawi's inability to find a way to live his life. He still struggles with it now
He still has a ways to go but he's getting there.
And my ultimate hope with this show - which is starting to seem likely to me now - is that Kawi decides to stay in the past. To actually live out a life instead of trying to jump to the happy ending. To fix what he wanted to and become his dream self
Because they seem to be saying that there is no way to get the happy ending because there is no happy ending. There is just a life through which you constantly grow and change and experience things and if you aren't present, if you aren't growing and changing, you aren't going to get to where you want to be.
Will you go out with me? No.
Kawi's Journey with Self-Worth and Pisaeng's Reassurance
I don't know how to put it into words, but there is something so nice about Pisaeng always sticking to his guns about what interested him about Kawi was simply that he found Kawi to be cute.
Yes, there are millions of cute people in the world, but it was specifically Kawi's cuteness that intrigued Pisaeng. There was no ulterior reason that he found himself into Kawi, there was no deeper meaning. It's not like Kawi needed to do something to prove himself worthy of Pisaeng's love (even if Kawi thought that he had to.) Instead, Pisaeng was, initially, simply attracted to Kawi and that had been enough.
It's a simple reason that I think that Kawi will always have to grapple with for the rest of his life, probably because even though he may have found a sense of peace and serenity in his life after all the time-travelling, he'll likely still have some minor struggles with his self-worth. Love is not a fix-all, and (again) like what I'm positive has become synonymous with @bengiyo's brand here on BL reviews, "There's no magical dick. It doesn't fix." Even if it happens to belong to Pisaeng. When you have low self-esteem and issues with you self-worth, even when you take the most pro-active methods of care to combat these ideas, a part of it will always remain. Some days will be more of a struggle than others. So while his relationship with Pisaeng will not magically fix insecurities, the fact that Pisaeng is there to reassure him is incredibly important. I really doubt that Kawi will ever be able to fully understand why it was simply his cuteness that attracted Pisaeng, but the constant reminders are necessary in his journey to self-acceptance.
Combine that with the fact that Pisaeng comes from an uber-rich (and political) family, and Kawi spent ten years dealing with very little self-worth, it makes sense that Kawi will never fully accept it, even ten-years down the line into their relationship. Yet, the fact that Pisaeng's answer remains constant and never changes into something deeper than he just found Kawi cute is so critical in allowing Kawi to rebuild his trampled self-esteem.
While I think that compliments like that could potentially come across as either insincere or even shallow, it does more good than harm for Kawi. He spent ten years alone, in his small apartment with no significant social connection and his last true connection (his father) dead. He was detached from human relationships and he placed higher value on what he could bring to the table, doing so he shattered his own self-esteem because he had a sincere belief that he had nothing good to offer.
Pisaeng's consistent and persistent insistence that he adored Kawi due to his cuteness, at a time when Kawi believed that he wasn't worth much, is so important in ensuring Kawi that becomes aware of the fact that human relationships aren't solely transactional. His presence doesn't mean that he has to offer more solely to be loved and particularly a recipient of Pisaeng's love. Pisaeng's answer serves as a reminder of that, even if it's not said or understood outright.
It's a subtle reminder, a reassurance of sorts, to Kawi that he has worth even when he's not aware of it or when he doesn't recognize it in himself. His worth isn't tied to material objects or titles that are expected in fully transactional, interested, relationships. Rather it serves its purpose by becoming a verbal notice to Kawi that for Pisaeng, Kawi will always be enough just by being himself, that he always finds him cute, and that's was enough reason for him to fall in love with him.
Kawi's journey consisted so much of learning how to live in the moment, of learning the importance in actually making decisions, because there's only one thing certain about life: time moves on with or without us. When we live in such a capitalistic society, we often tie our self-worth to our social capital, the achievements that we make, the people we know. In turn, we can end up neglecting and stepping all-over our self-esteem in the moments that we don't reach those "social tiers" and start believing that in turn we have nothing to offer. When you let yourself believe that you're worthless and time moves on, you end up being left behind.
Kawi is worth more than his accolades and job titles, more than any achievements that he may receive. His worthiness derives from his authentic self and who he is as a person. He's loved for being Kawi. It's enough for Pisaeng to find him cute, because Kawi is enough and will always be enough. That constant reassurance is critical in shaping Kawi, allowing him to find his happiness and peace in life. He's now surrounded by the people that he loves and who love him back. He's no longer alone.
Be My Favorite - Retrospective on Episode 1 and Repression of Desires due to Fear
For a full day in the pilot of Be My Favorite, Kawi operates as if he’s in a dream when he time travels back to the past. This is one of my least favorite tropes, usually. What’s the fun in a character in an exciting scenario if the character isn’t even cognizant of it? Often, I yawn and simply rock back and forth in my chair waiting for the protagonist to realize what has happened and to start thinking with their brain. And when I first watched the show, I also expected a time loop rather than what we got, and didn't realize what was actually going on.
Be My Favorite, would make me love Kawi spending an entire day back in his college life without realizing his actions have actual consequences, because of how many consequences this actually has, and how his remedies what Kawi's first vice was, or at least the first that I feel was tackled.
Kawi – and we realize later, Pisaeng’s – vice is cowardice and letting things happen around them out of fear. This manifests very differently for both of them, but in the case of Kawi, when we examine a lot of his biggest hangups, it is all centered around inaction. Not making friends. Not telling Pear he’s her secret buddy. Not convincing his dad to go to the hospital. Not getting his friend back. Not doing any of these things that he still regrets. And Kawi, when faced with issues, runs away. He always, without fail, used to run away from all of these scenarios.
But thinking he’s dreaming, we can see Kawi for who he really is. A menace! An annoying, bratty, childish menace. And Pisaeng is immediately attracted to Kawi because he’s genuine, and acting out, and is oozing with the same pain he has – loneliness. This is ultimately what changes the past forever. Kawi can’t go back from now on. He’s bonded to Pisaeng irrevocably, to the point that one night is enough for his future to be as his best friend and future best man (and for Kawi to be doing what he never did before, dancing confidently while drunk in front of everyone in that timeline in a way he never would have).
Pisaeng is similar to Kawi, not living his life in full self-actualization. He’s hiding his sexuality, unable to confront it despite knowing about it. He’s unable to fully be honest with Pear, and in fact, we see that in his original life, he never confronts it And it makes sense. We see that he rejects the superficial “friendship” he has with his former friends, namely Not, but while this is better for Pisaeng (and the correct decision to make, as Not is a total asshole) Pisaeng doesn’t have a friend except for Pear, and he cares for her dearly.
And so of course Pisaeng decides to marry Pear instead of confronting himself honestly. Is it a good idea, and what truly caring for someone should mean? No. It’s an awful idea for everyone. But he does it out of fear and an unwillingness to live his life honestly and to act on his true wants and desires (and later, it is Kawi who gets Pisaeng to break from this and to confront Pear head on, being honest in a way the original Pisaeng was unable to).
And what Kawi has to struggle with now is that now that he’s acted, there’s no going back. He’s changed the past by being himself and taking action for once, and he has to stay that way (this is also why Be My Favorite's type of time travel works so well for the show – what Kawi does in the beginning, taking action and fundamentally changing things – it can't be undone).
There is no way out of the maze he’s walked into without choosing things, making decisions, and becoming a fuller person. At this point, he wants Pear. Pear wants Pisaeng. And Pisaeng, now, he will soon realize, due to his actions in the past, wants him. Kawi has acted. And now Kawi has to go down the painful path to gaining maturity, which he avoided in his bubble of miserable inactivity the first time he lived his life.
Redoing your life is the main conceit of this show. But as the future starts to be rewritten, what the perceptive viewer realizes is that what Kawi needs to learn is what he truly wants, and what kind of a life is a truly fulfilling life. And to get what you want, to be happy, you need to always be truly present. You need to live your life with no regrets. To think back on the past a decade later and think I’ve got everything I wanted. For all you'd ever do different after time traveling back be nothing.
This is what Be My Favorite teaches us. To live honestly, bravely, and to inspire the others in your life to do so as well. Kawi learns to make the most out of his life, and because of him, Pisaeng does as well. And they live happily, holding each other's hands, together. And they're so much better off for it.
iʻd like to lock arthit and kawi in a room and see what their interactions are like (though i do not think their boyfriends would be happy about this experiment)
The way people have and continue to treat Krist is really fucked up. He’s been sent constant, overwhelming hate by people including death threats, over a post he made years ago after being hounded by people about his sexuality, for being allegedly “homophobic” (As illustrated by this wonderful post: He isn’t.)
Now people are mocking him and calling him homophobic in a language he doesn’t understand at the GMMTV building while he politely greets them? Then publicly posting the video quote-retweeting his official birthday post? Fuck you, honestly. The hate people pour on Krist is out of hand and so undeserved.
We know how affected Krist has been mentally by all of this, and that perhaps hurts me most. His actual parents have been in distress over this, with his mom even praying for people to stop bullying her son.
I don’t care if you don’t like Krist. That’s fine.
But don’t do this.
GMMTV BL Tournament - Round 2
standard deviation
be my favorite: pisaengkawi, 1.3k
And with the biggest, most strained smile you’ve had since your last job interview, you wave and say, “Pear. Congratulations on the wedding.” That’s what you came to say. You hand her a bouquet you were holding so tightly you worry she might have noticed your clammy hands — it’s cheaper than anything anyone else seems to have brought as a gift, but she smiles back at you, and your smile threatens to drop. You wish you brought the crystal ball, which you wanted to hand her over a decade ago. But it’s broken in a box somewhere in your dingy apartment. (Kawi fails to repair his crystal ball and goes to Pisaeng and Pearmai's wedding, still bitter.)
basically, what if there was no time travel? just a little plot bunny i had in my head.
I can't get over Lunatic Kawi
*stalker-san*
*evil laugh*
*hysterical dance*
Reflection on last year, Be My Favorite, fandom thoughts, and more.
PT.1: Be My Favorite, time, isolation, and hope
My defining series of the year was Be My Favorite, without a doubt. Whereas I’d say Utsukushii Kare 2 + Eternal was what I was most excited for, as well as what resonated most with what I yearn for from a BL series, it wasn’t what defined my year (season 1 had defined last year for me already, and I don’t do repeats that often).
The moment I finished watching the trailer for Be My Favorite, before its release in late June, I knew I would be enamored in it.
I just got into Thailand’s BL scene this year. One of the first things I looked for once I realized I was in for the long haul of exploring this medium was a time travel series. With, preferably, a premise similar to Be My Favorite. Because one of my favorite types of stories is the narrative that plays with time, specifically the type that focuses on a character’s growth thanks to it.
Time travel is my favorite trope, but particularly it is the type that unravels and builds up one character’s journey. Historical/future explorations past a character’s lifetime has never appealed to me as much for that very reason. Time traveling to the distant past is interesting, but it isn’t what I love.
I’ve always wished I could time travel back to moments in my life. I remember hearing a story about myself at five-years old, upset I couldn’t press a button and go back to when I was three-years old, which seemed like the prime time of my life at the time. It’s a recurring thought. It’s mainly because I feel I’ve fucked up so early in life. Actually, my six-year old has solidified itself as the part of my life I’d like to go back to and undo most ardently. I won’t be delving into why the worst part of my life was in the first grade, or why I regret what I did then, as a small child, but it’d make sense if you knew.
It’s funny to me that I insist I could have done things better if I had been able to go back to any of the past moments in my life, when I keep creating more grievances, more missed opportunities, more wasted years, and more memories I’d like to forget. And yeah, I’m young. I’m only eighteen. But I still feel like it’s been too much. It’s stupid, sure. But it’s probably why playing with the concept of time itself is always in my head, leading me.
Sometimes, I want to press reset on existence itself. The entire world consists of loops, circular movements of past and present and future, of subconscious and conscious loops back towards what we already have done, and what will happen again. If so, then is it so wrong to wish we could return to the beginning of everything? It already happens on its own, after all. But I digress.
I’ve always loved time travel in how it is able to explore someone in its fullest. In what they have done, what they haven’t done, and what they could have done.
As it’s a trope so deeply personal to me, I jive best with fiction that explores personal journeys utilizing time travel. I enjoyed Groundhog Day, as obvious and simple as it seems. I love the idea of time loops being used to show stagnation within highschool and a desperate need to not lose what you find most important, such as in Revue Starlight, and I love Be My Favorite in how it explores our protagonist, Kawi, as he goes back to redo his life and realize what he has to learn to be happy.
Less so than time travel as the premise, what also struck me about the series and solidified the feeling I’d be in love was how Kawi was established in the trailer, and further explored as within the pilot episode.
Kawi is a loser. And you understand why, with his circumstances, but also, he is a loser. Kawi is a coward. Selfish. Insecure. Frustrated. Alone. And he wants things he does not allow himself to actually try to take hold of. Kawi wishes for love and friendship. But until he’s given a chance to do things again, he never goes for it. And he expects failure upfront.
I’ve always valued people above all else. I think it’s pretty normal for a lot of humans. Whether it’s my tumultuous connection with my mom, my many friendships, or all of the romantic idealizations, I’ve always yearned for people. And it’s not really to fill a hole, or find something. It’s to create. To ascend. Connection with others, to me, is what frames phases of my life, what frames my traits, my passions, my purpose.
Which is why it’s so funny I tend to push people away. I’m a college student right now. I started almost two years ago, youngest in all my classes, and I’m going to be a junior this coming fall. I don’t consider anyone I’ve met an actual friend. I don’t give anyone the chance. I immediately judge people as not right, spurn offers to get to know people more because of some reason or another, and vacillate between feelings of superiority and inferiority.
I am not a person in the way many of these people are. I am not someone who could fit in. There is no point in hope, because there is no one here who could like me, or that I could build a greater bond with. Those are the thoughts inside my head that compel me to turn down offers to hang out, to see everything as annoying rather than friendly, and it’s how I see almost everyone new that I speak to.
But, connection. Yes. I live online. I am myself online. I was homeschooled, barely went outside, and only spoke to other people online who I felt shared enough of the same experiences with alienation/loneliness I did. I yearn, I learn, and I live online. I am deeply attached to feeling like a real-life nomad who only “breathes” on the online sphere, no matter how people warn against it. And sometimes I wonder, while I’m still able to amend this in what people see as the “real” world, if I need to try to assert myself to people more. To find people who would get me. I’m not so stupid I think it wouldn’t happen. But I’m scared, and so I pre-judge every interaction and hide myself behind every wall I can.
Kawi opens the show at thirty, in a job he hates, with the same lack of friends. And a deep, paralyzing regret that he never lived the life he feels he should have. A world where he went on to succeed, to get the girl. A world where he was happy. And he ends the show with a loving partner, as a more well-rounded person, content with his occupation, with a group of friends who care about Kawi and have stuck around for a long time.
I don’t verbalize it enough, but part of why I love Be My Favorite so much is because it begins by scaring me and ends with soothing me with inspiration. Because the series starts by showing to me my worst nightmare as to how I could become, how I could feel, how a combination of a lot of the factors could lead to my life being (don’t get me started on Kawi’s field of study and job in the original timeline; I know there’s a good chance I’m gonna be broke in ten year) and it ends by showing me the best outcome. Joy, companionship, acceptance.
Living life to the fullest. Finding someone who loves you for yourself. Friendship that’s supportive and long-lasting. Kindness. Being content in accepting what happens.
The ending of Be My Favorite is kind of like a happy pill to me, in contrast to the angst of the series while it explored how everything could have gone wrong. And I adore it. I love believing in the messages of the series. In the ideas of the series. Of finding confidence, supporting the people around you, and figuring out what it is you need. And, oh.
Huh. I guess when it comes to it, what I connect to the most tends to be stories of hope. Hell, my favorite pieces of media tend to have themes like picking yourself up from failure and trying again, or friendship winning. And Be My Favorite spoke to me so strongly because it’s a story that really tells me how I can make my life something that is fulfilling, far from how I imagine it’ll go.
Guess it all comes back to hope.
PT.2: Idolatry, fandom, and the question of why?
Fandom is a major aspect of my life, and has been for almost half of it. Whether it’s group chats on Amino, writing short fanfiction on Archive of Our Own, retweeting on twitter, or gushing on Discord, I’ve often filtered my life through the lens of obsessive fan culture.
This year, Thai BL has taken over my brain. I’m sure it’ll continue to do so next year. And I’m not new to BL (I’ve read many BL manga, for one) but I am still very new to this fandom and its contents, especially because it’s such a wide category of works to keep track of. And I’m enjoying where I’ve come so far.
I’m mostly, so far, a Pebaca fan. The shows that stuck to me most out of all of the shows I watched this year were Theory of Love and Be My Favorite. I love OffGun and the development they’ve gone through as a pair. Their stable partnership, the ways Off has changed “for” Gun, and all of the different faces they’ve had as a couple. I adore TayNew, with their bickering dynamic and long period of closeness. I love how hilarious they are as a partnership. And I love KristSingto, with their yin & yang dynamic. The way they parallel their first series so closely and how they’ve grown to be influenced by each other.
But what has been the highlight of my year is becoming a megafan of Krist, probably. I love him so goddamn much. And it made me think about why people become fans of celebrities, or at least why I do.
As a side note, I feel as if the internet has become plagued with people using parasociality = bad as an overly simplistic thing. I’m far from an expert on it, but I do think the way many tend to talk about it is forgetting a lot of nuance. And I don’t want to get into this topic, exactly. I want to talk about why I enjoy being a fan of someone from a one-sided light, and how that helps me. Not about the ethics of fandom or what exactly it means to be a fan of someone (though these are interesting to speak about).
Maybe it’s pretty simple. I like watching charming people, and even if I don’t know them personally, I can grow endeared by them. I was definitely charmed by Krist’s personality: big, extroverted, sulky, caring, emotional, a little ridiculous, and passionate. I goddamn adore watching him on screen, obviously.
But at least for me, I feel as if a major part of how I choose what resonates with me is seeing people with friendships. Historically, the only real people I’ve ever become fans of have been a pair of YouTubers and people in idol groups. As if what I’m really being drawn to is actually when relationships between people are formed and sold. And I think that is the core of what the BL industry is doing. Selling the relationship between pairs. I feel as if a feeling of yearning/lacking within myself is in fact what being a fan of this industry is alleviating, at least for me.
Or at least, that’s how I feel now. I’m still easing into it.
PT.3: Okay, so what’s the point? And what about the new year?
2023 was a normal year. It was also endlessly fascinating for me. At the very least, I feel as if I found out/explored things that will continue to keep me intrigued. I’ve been reading a lot about literary theory and cultural examinations. Been thinking more in depth about people. About myself.
And of course, I discovered something new that will most likely keep me in a chokehold for the next year as well. So, all in all, good, right? Well, not exactly. But I’m looking at the bright side. And yeah, I’m happy with the year when I think about all I’ve gained.
I’m happy I’ve gotten into BL. Obviously. (And it’s also been making me think more about how being queer affects how I see things/what media I like, of course) So I guess the point of this was unpacking why certain media works for me, and why that is important for me.
And here, I just want to talk a bit about what I want for 2024.
Obviously, I want more shows that connect to me on the level that Be My Favorite did, both through finding older shows and in watching the shows that come out during the rest of the year. And I’d like to get to know everyone else in this fandom as well. I guess what I’m saying is that this post is something I wrote to process what the last year had and to try to declare to myself what I want for the future.
So, yeah. If you read until here, thanks? For listening to me for so goddamn long, ahaha. Happy new years! Well. It's still New Years here. It probably isn't for most people, but it is for me! So!
SOTUS S The Series Ep.7 | Be My Favorite Ep.9
Kawi is just sleepy but Pisaeng is actually asleep
Not is in the same row as Pisaeng
Not noticed Pisaeng was asleep and tries to wake him 😅
And told his other friends to leave him behind 🤭
Still sleeping 😴
Bruh 😂
I noticed this when I rewatched the series 😂
it makes me so sad when people say they don't get why someone like pisaeng would like kawi
