Billie Moonbeam Razor - Tumblr Posts
A Product Recommendation!
The Billie Eilish Moonbeam Razor has changed my life. When working at Mallmart, I found there was a lot of new glow in the dark stock that was being placed on shelves in the health and beauty section of the store. Things like, glow in the dark tooth brushes, glow in the dark bath bombs, glow in the dark bandages-
This item stood out to me because of its potential longevity, and plus... It's purple, how could I not buy it? So, after work I purchased the Billie razor, and eagerly drove home in hopes of spending my time off from work staring at it in a dark, quiet, bathroom. Unfortunately when I took it out of it's packaging, I found that it did not glow. Not even a little bit.
I went through the stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining. 'Billie, why would you lie to me?' I questioned. Luckily, a friend of mine had suggested it may be solar powered and to leave it in the sun. So, I sat it in my windowsill, perhaps a bit discouraged and disbelieving at this point, and after an hour- wouldn't you know it? It did in fact glow!
Now, every morning and evening, I bring my Billie Eilish Moonbeam Razor out to the backyard to feed. I dance around the razor, chanting
"Feed, my child, feed!" My razor now glows brighter than my future. My razor eats the sun itself for sustenance. It becomes ever stronger, taking in it's nourishment from the light like a plant. I am building a shrine for my glow in the dark Billie moonbeam razor. Am I feeling material feelings for this razor? Or perhaps see it as a well loved pet?
My neighbors now chant with me from across the bayou. They chant, "Feed! Yes, feed!" As well, but they do not know yet why. All they see is a crazy lady clad in pajamas dancing rhythmically around a razor, laughing maniacally. They do not know the joy of the glowing razor so tonight I will go out into the backyard and wave the razor over my head to show them. We can pray to it together. My glow in the dark razor is now a god.
So remember to make sure to get your Billie Eilish Moonbeam Razor in stores today! (This is not a paid sponsorship)
