Billy Hargrove Comfort - Tumblr Posts

Never Again

the five times he saw you with bruises and the one time you saw him with bruises.

pairing: billy hargrove x thicc!reader (f)

word count 8.9k

note: reader has thick thighs and stretch marks, i'd rather jump off a bridge than write about characters with "perfect bodies" ew. also im chubby and i dont remember what it was like to be skinny. ok ms thiccums. also readers birthday is in winter shh. this is sort of an au where billy got left back a year and he still works at pool, steves at record store and billys alive. billys a little bit ooc but who cares lmao

playlist. moodboard.

warnings!: abuse!, domestic abuse, violence, sexual assault mentioned, mention of ro*fie/date drug, assault, fighting, bullying, depression, loneliness, anxiety, a LOT of swearing/cursing, making out (?) etc... fluff, comfort, angst.

i. - yn pov

The cold wind kissed my skin as I stepped off the dingy school bus and toward Hawkins High. My backpack slung over my shoulder as I tug on my flannels sleeves and fidget with anxiety, walking through, past the other students that seemed to enjoy loitering. Another miserable day in hell. My combat boots smack the concrete as I enter the building, escaping from the chilly temperature into the stuffy halls and heading straight for my locker. I grab my notebook to place it in my backpack and put away my winter coat. Having earbuds in, I don’t hear the obnoxious smacking of gum and tapping of tacky flats coming toward me. Not till her hand pushes me toward the wall. One of my headphones was knocked out.

“I’m talking to you, new girl!” The voice was impossible to not recognize. Turning around to make eye contact and confirm my theory, I send a distasteful glare to Carol.

“And yet, I can’t seem to give a fuck.” I was never one to let popular kids knock me around. Seemingly everyone bullies and annoys me with ease, but I always defend myself. I only don’t speak when their whole purpose is to get a rise out of me.

Her expression changes from annoyed to offense and fury. “Listen, slut. Either you explain why you stole my bracelet and give it back or I will fuck you up.”

Raising a brow I looked down at my wrist where I had my grandmother's silver bracelet wrapped around and chuckled at the insane accusation. “This is my grandma’s, dumbass. I didn’t take your stupid fucking bracelet.”

“I beg to fucking differ, it’s one of a kind!” She yells, catching the attention of other passerbys in the hills. Suddenly I’m filled with rage as she raises her voice at me.

“Clearly not. I’m not dealing with this right now, it’s too early.” I go to walk away and escape the conversation when suddenly she grabs and tugs my arm. I land on the ground, hard, on my back.

“Nuh-uh, not till you give it back!” She straddles me, holding my hands down with her knees and starts throwing punches. “Give it back!”

How do I give it “back” if you’re holding me down, dumbass!

This was ridiculous. I was almost embarrassed for the girl. She actually threw punches… over a bracelet. It all happened so fast. My eye burned and my face was sore and my lip was stinging. Then someone came behind Carol and pulled her off of me. My face was warm and I took deep breaths. I could feel blood dripping out of my nose and my lip was busted. I swallow hard and taste blood on my tongue before rising to sit up. My vision was blurry but I could see a shape of what seemed to be Tommy pulling Carol away, the yelling reverberating in my ears. Behind me I feel someone place an arm on my back and under my knees, lifting me and carrying me toward the nurses office.

I try to see who lifted me but as we pass the bright lights in the halls, my eyes get irritated and I shut them quickly. The person is warm and I feel denim gently scraping my arm. I don’t need to wonder for long as I hear his voice. “Jesus, L/N. It’s not even twelve yet and you already got a beating?”

“Shut up, Hargrove.” My voice is so weak it surprises me. His name is even more bitter than the blood on my tongue.

“It’s almost a new record. Not one to be proud of. But it's something, sugar.”

Billy Hargrove and I constantly bickered. I hated him and he hated me but not enough to not want to get in my pants. We were often associated as his stupid friends frequently beat me to hell and he beat my guy friends. I envy him. Everyone absolutely adores him. I can pretend I don’t care about being liked but deep down, there's this irritating desire to be loved. But someone, anyone. The fear that if my own mother doesn’t love me, why would anyone else?

Billy was perfect. He was attractive, fit, and the Hawkins High king. He hardly even needed to try. And me? I was the nobody.

I hated him for it.

“I’d rather you left me on the floor, Billy!” When I wiggle to try and escape his arms, his grip only gets tighter.

He scoffs as he opens the nurse’s office door with his foot. “Don’t be so dramatic, shortcake.”

I’m sitting on a medical cot as I hear the clicking of the nurse’s heels rushing toward me. “Oh my- what happened, hun?”

I assumed Billy left the room as I explained I was in a fight to Nurse Jen. Why would he stay? But after the teacher cleaned my eyes and I was able to blink them open, I see him sitting there across the room, watching with crossed arms and a brooding stare as the nurse dabbed at my bruises. I raise a brow at him and he only sends a sly grin in response. When the nurse finishes up with my bruises and busted lip, she looks up at me with soft brown eyes. “Can you have someone drive you home?”

“I’ll take her home,” She and I turned to Billy as he spoke. “Still live out of town?”

I nod softly, surprised he remembered that from the party a few months ago that my best friend dragged me to. He had to drive me home and dropped me off after someone tried to roofie me. As I said, this school is hell.

The nurse nods, grabbing my hand and helping pull me up. At first, it was like it all rushed to my head, the world began to spin, blurring slightly. It cleared quickly and I stumbled slightly. Billy rushes forward to grab my arms and hold me up. Surprisingly, his expression is filled with genuine concern. “Alright, c’mon, L/N.” He lifts me up just as he did before and carries me out to the car. The nurse left me with an ice pack for my head and packet of bandaids. What the fuck do I do with this? Billy sets me down in the passenger seat of his camaro. He begins driving after a heavy sigh. Who would’ve thought I’d wake up, go to school, get my ass kicked, and then get driven home by Billy Hargrove. I giggle childishly at the thought while staring out the window. “What’re you laughing at, sugar?”

“This is… not at all what I expected from my day…” I shake my head and frown. “Billy Hargrove, the man who hates me for everything but my tits, driving me home.”

He scoffs, “Is that how you think of me? Really?”

I nod fervently, wincing as it hurt my jaw. “Absolutely.”

He’s silent. Just for a moment. “Jesus, that’s… a low point of view.”

“Well, you never really treated me with a high regard… not till this moment and that party a few weeks ago. You aren’t really that nice to me. You’re just snarky and pervy.” I continue to mumble under my breath about how everyone is always mean to me but Billy isn’t listening after what I said about him.

He stares blankly to the road before him as he drives. The radio buzzing silently and I purse my busted lips as I look over to him. His gaze is concentrated and pensive. “I’m not that shitty of a person, Y/N.”

I swallow hard. “Sure.”

“I’m not!” He seemed genuinely angry, sincerely aggravated. “I have fuckin’ morals.”

“Then quit whining and act like it.” I huff, leaning to look out the window. He grunts, choosing to keep quiet and ignore me.

The rest of the car ride is silent. One hour of complete silence, other than the light sound of Metallica playing on the radio. I dozed off but every time I’d feel my eyes close, Billy shoved me, mumbling something about “concussions.”

Pulling up to my house, I rush to get out but Billy darts to my side of the car. “What’re you doing?” I say, shocked.

“You can hardly walk, sugar. I’m helping you get inside safely.” His tone is sarcastic but intentions are pure. I would roll my eyes if they didn’t hurt so much.

I let him help walk me inside my house. My parents were at work and I’m secretly grateful for Billy driving me. My mother would’ve screamed at me for making her drive all the way back and maybe even done worse. As I sit on my mattress, I look to Billy who helped me up the stairs, through the pavement and drove me from school and finally I gathered the courage. “Billy…” He looks into my eyes after finding pain relievers in my drawer and placing them on my bedside table. His blue eyes were hypnotizing and I finally understood why all the girls fawned over him. “Thank you. You don’t understand how much you just helped me.” I give him a small, warm smile.

His gaze flips between my eyes and lips before he takes a deep breath, “Don’t thank me, sweetheart, it’s the least I can do. Lemme go get you some water. You got any snacks or pajamas I can bring you so you don’t have to get up too much?”

I nod carefully. Billy was being soft. He was gentle and kind. I guess he’s trying to show his morals like I suggested. “In the drawer, top shelf is my jammies, there's chips in the kitchen. I-I’m only allowed to eat the potato chips, though…”

He nods, not asking too much. He grabs the pajamas from my drawer, a large t-shirt that I stole from my ex, and sweatpants. He laid it on the bed and left for the water and chips. Quickly, I got dressed and tucked myself under the blankets. Billy was quick, walking into my room with a bag of chips and a glass of water. He placed it on the bedside table and I quickly took the pain relievers with a large gulp of water. He looks around my room, his eyes landing on a book, journal and pencil on the desk in the corner of my room. He grabs them and places them beside me. “Do some reading and drawing or something and get some rest in like two hours.You don’t wanna get a concussion, trust me.”

I laugh, dryly. “Thank you, Hargrove.”

“When do your parents get back?”

“Uh, depends. My dad comes back around nine and my mom… My mom varies. It could be six on a good day or midnight on a bad day.” I sigh, grasping the book before opening to where I left off.

His brows furrowed and I saw the expression on his face shift as he tried to decide whether he should ask questions or not. He chooses not. “Okay… make sure not to get into trouble? See you around, sugar.” He ruffled my hair and just like that, he left.

ii. - yn pov

I didn’t want to come to this party but my best and only friend Rachel had forced me here. Well, more so, threatened to leave me home alone with my mother. So there I stood, next to a bowl of spiked punch, as people sent judgemental glances my way. I was completely fine minding my own business, till a pretty girl with a ponytail so tight it practically pulled her hairline out. I recognized her as… Natalie? Nicole? One of those for sure… “You’re the new girl, right? The one who stole Carol's bracelet?” Her speech was slurred and she seemingly was clueless to the concept of personal space.

“I’m new but I didn’t steal Carol's bracelet. If she told you otherwise then she’s a lying, delusional bitch.” Okay, maybe it was harsh. However I couldn't find it in me to care at the moment. I wanted to go to sleep.

She snarled her red lips and with a bitter tone, “Well, that ‘b-word’ is my friend so watch what you say, freak. What are you even doing here? I didn’t know they were inviting losers?”

With a sarcastic smile, I cross my arms, “Aw! Well, duh! That's why they invited you, silly!”

She gasps before clenching her teeth, “At least I’m not a virgin with no freaking friends.”

It was so easy to piss these people off, I didn’t need to put in the effort of getting physical. But I was so very tired and restless, I wasn’t in the mood frankly. I just grabbed her pretty and oh so perfect blonde ponytail and dumped her head in the spiked punch bowl. When she pulled back, she wiped the punch out her eyes and screeched. “Whore!” Huh, so she can curse.

“But I thought I was a virgin?” I send a snarky smile to the brat. Bad idea.

She tackled me and pathetically smacked me while straddling me. It wasn't as bad as Carol, however I still had some bruises staining my skin, so it hurt. And this time, I had my hands to cover me. It wasn’t enough though as she smacked me harder and harder. The crowd just chanted “fight, fight, fight” before someone finally pulled the rabid beast off me. I sighed heavily before trudging out the door.

My thoughts race. I’d rather walk home than stay there a second later. I don’t care if my house is twenty minutes away by car and forty walking. Rachel can yell at me in the morning, I don’t care.

But just as I make it to a street corner after fifteen minutes of walking, I notice a light shining behind me. The street has been empty since I first started walking so, out of curiosity, I turned to check who it may be.

“Oh my god.” I rolled my eyes as I noticed the familiar camaro driving toward me. “Do you just have a sixth sense or something?”

“Another beating, Y/N? Jesus, that's two in under a month, what happened?” Billy leans his head out the car. The street corner was getting cold so I stuck my head in the car to sneak some warmth.

“Well, Nicole was being disrespectful so I shoved her face in a bowl of punch and she decided to assault me. Plain and simple, Hargrove. Care to give me another ride home, please? I really don’t wanna walk in heels and bruises.” I pout, slight playful flirtation in my eyes as he rolls his and tilts his head to motion me to hop in.

I giggled at the music choice. “What's funny?”

“You’re playing metallica again, it’s like fuckin’ deja vu.”

He laughs, shaking his head, “I can’t believe you can laugh when you look like you’ve been fucking run over. You get into too many fights. I’m being serious, it’s reckless and dangerous, sugar. You gotta stop.” He scolds me like a child.

I huff, sarcastically, “Okay, dad. Since when did you give a fuck what I do? Figured you couldn't care less.”

“Like I said last time, I got morals. If I see someone who doesn’t deserve a beating all bruised up, it's pretty upsetting, shortcake.”

I laugh, sarcastically. “Well, you’re surely getting better at showing it. Seriously, do you think carrying my bag for me to two classes is gonna make me think you have morals? Or saying bless you when I sneeze? That's just manners, Hargrove, I’m concerned you just started saying bless you and thank you to people. It's basic respect.”

He stops, rather aggressively, in the middle of the empty road. “Don’t you talk to me about respect like you’re my fucking father. You can't seem to avoid getting your ass kicked, what are you a child? Desperate for attention? A masochist? What? What's wrong with you that you so desperately need to get assaulted every day? Mommy not giving you enough attention at home?”

That felt like a slap across the face. Especially since my mother couldn’t care less if someone hit me. She’d fully support it. The comment made my eyes water, every word leading me closer and closer to the tears that started rolling down my rosy and bruised cheeks. His angry expressions alter to one of shock and perhaps even a flash of guilt. He opened his mouth to speak but he was speechless as I cried silently beside him. “Fuck you, Hargrove.”

He bit his pursed lip and started driving again. It was quiet for a bit till he gathered his courage to speak again. “Listen… that… that wasn't cool of me. I’m-I am… sorry. That was fucked up. I shouldn’t have said that. I just-I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t know why. It really fucking bothers me though.”

The word sorry sounded like he choked just trying to get it out. He was so clearly not used to apologizing however I couldn’t find it in me to care. He tried. And it seemed genuine. That impressed me more than I could imagine. “Just… take me home please.”

The rest of the drive is silent till he’s pulling over in front of my house again. I catch my breath and wipe my tears as Billy hops out and walks to the passenger seat, opening the door for me. It was chivalrous and honestly surprising. I looked at him with a questioning gaze as he walked me to my door. Mentally, I celebrated being able to walk, unlike last time. “Hey, I was wondering … that shirt you wore last time? Where did you get it from? It looked familiar.”

I raise a brow at his question. “Uh, its my ex boyfriend’s. I never threw it out and he never picked it up so I just… kept it? I guess.”

He hums. “Here…” He pulls his denim jacket off and hands it to me before tugging his white shirt off and swapping that for the denim jacket. “Wear that… It’s really weird to wear your ex’s clothing. Creepy.” I can see him visibly gulp.

“Yeah?” With a lopsided grin on my face, I look down at the white t-shirt in my hands. Then I met his hypnotizing blue eyes once more. They were filled with something indescribable. Something different from the usual lust, gloom and humor that filled them. Something I didn’t quite understand yet. “You’re really confusing, Billy Hargrove.”

He laughs. It was a nice laugh too, I'll admit. Still hate him though, definitely. Definitely hate him, Mhm. “Tell me about it, Y/N L/N.” He raises both brows, looking between my eyes then my lips before walking backwards. “See ya’ round, shortcake. I gotta go find my sister, stay out of trouble, please.”

“See ya’.” There's a part of me that celebrates seeing him go, then some forbidden, sadistic, masochistic part if me cries deep down and begs him to come back mentally. “Asshole.”

iii. - third pov

Billy started acting weird.

Whenever Y/N passed him in the hall, he ignored her.

No snarky remarks or flirtatious lines. He stopped being cruel to his sister, he waited more patiently for her after school. He was using manners with teachers and other students and actually showed up for class. He was doing better in school in general and he showed up on time. She’d find him watching her when she’d look up to find who was burning a gaze into her flesh. It was always him. But when she tried to speak to him, he gave one word answers and walked away claiming he had something to do.

You’re really confusing, Billy Hargrove.

Tell me about it.

He’s playing with my feelings. Her thoughts race. Except there are no feelings, I definitely hate him. Right? So why does it hurt when he ignores me? When he passes without a word or a glance. Why did it give me butterflies when I caught him looking at me or how, not so discreetly, looked over in the morning to see if I got off the bus before going in just to know if I was around. What would he do if I wasn’t? Why did I want to know? Was it so strange to miss our dynamic? Our banter?

Nonetheless, she continued her life as usual. Weekdays were school till three, work at the arcade till six, taking the bus home, shower, sleep. Weekends were work from seven to three, taking the bus home, yoga, shower, study, sleep. She only had about one or two friends, so there wasn’t much “hanging out” squeezed in. Except there was a disruption in her schedule on this particular day. Saturday. Noon. In front of the arcade, Max is sitting beside Y/N with a deep frown on her lips.

Max came in at her usual eleven in the morning and all went smoothly till some grown man came and gave her trouble for “hogging” the machine. So, in an attempt to defend her, Y/N walked up and asked him to leave. Which resulted in a bruised cheekbone, split lip and broken wrist. Now they sit on the curb, waiting for Max’s brother to pick her up so Y/N can go to the hospital and receive treatment.

“Are you sure Billy will take me? He didn’t seem too happy last time he saw me all bruised up…”

His words imprinted in her memory, joined by those blue eyes that filled with concern. If I see someone who doesn’t deserve a beating all bruised up, it's pretty upsetting, shortcake.

“Last time?” The redhead's eyebrow quirks.

“Yeah, he gave me a ride once… twice. Whatever, just… are you sure he won't be mad?” Worry lacing her tone.

“It’ll be fine, Y/N/N,” She takes a pause, placing a hand on Y/N’s knee. “And who cares what that asshole thinks anyway?”

The older girl releases a small laugh, “Yeah, who cares…” She did. She cared too much. She didn’t know when it happened or how. She couldn’t even admit to herself that it had. But she grew fond of the blond curlyhead casanova.

“And also… I didn’t get to say thank you. No one really defends me like that… You looked really badass, at least.” Max giggles.

With a pained smile, “No problem, kiddo. I can’t believe he broke my wrist, though, that's still so crazy to me.”

“Yeah, that was crazy. Hey, your eyeliner is still intact?” The statement was more of a question as she questionably clung onto whatever she had in mind to cheer Y/N up.

The pair giggle till the familiar rumble of Billy’s camaro can be heard speeding toward the arcade. It skids to a stop and Billy comes rushing out the car toward the duo, who stood quickly. “What the fuck happened, Y/N? Didn’t I tell you to be careful?”

“Hard to remember what you said when you haven’t even acknowledged me till this moment.”

“Sweetheart, It's hard to not acknowledge such a hot chick so don’t spout such bullshit. No what the fuck is going on with your wrist?” He goes to grab her wrist but she yelps in pain and he pulls back quickly, his previously flirtatious expression filled with genuine concern.

“The dude broke it…” She had broken wrists before. He had broken legs, ribs, jaw, arms, feet, fingers. She’s had numerous broken bones, fractures, sprains. She wasn’t too panicked about the wrist. But the pain never felt nice.

His eyes flash back to hers, anger spirling her new favorite shade of blue, “Dude? A fucking guy did it? Is he still here?”

“No, he… he left.” She looks him up and down. He was wearing a red button up and she could see a peak of his chest. His cheeks flushed red in anger, and Max? She was thriving. She hasn’t felt so joyous in years. Suddenly it all made sense. Why Billy was so nice, so respectful, so much… happier?

Her.

“Okay… let’s go. I gotta get you to a hospital.”

Max sat in the back and her bright blue eyes flicked between the two sat in the front. Curious and intrigued, she hung on every second.

“Do you have an addiction to getting your ass kicked?”

“I guess so.”

More silence.

He looks at her and then back to the road. Then he takes a double take. “You look good in my shirt, by the way.”

It was then she realized she was wearing the very shirt he gave her off his back the last time they actually spoke. “Thanks.”

Max covered her mouth to disguise her smile.

Billy actually likes someone? And it's Y/N?!

“Y’know… I’m probably gonna get fired. I’m really gonna need a new job. Actually, to be honest… I pay the majority of the rent at my house… My mom… she doesn’t really…” Y/N clears her throat as she chokes a sob that threatens to leave her with teary eyes. “She doesn’t really pay rent. She works but… not for rent.” She wipes her face with her unbroken wrist. Then wiping the tears on her jeans.

Billy could feel his heart drop at the sound of her broken voice. “I’ll help you get a job. I promise. I’ll see if you can work at the pool with me or maybe I could get Harrington to let you work at the record store. I will help get you a job.”

She let out an exhale and a laugh, “Did you know the first day where you found me all bruised up in December… It was my birthday. I turned eighteen. No one said anything. Except for Max and my best friend. My own mother forgot. Or she just didn’t care.”

She was staring blankly at the road. All Billy could get out was a weak apology as he reached over to grasp her unbroken hand. Max beamed.

As they parked in front of the hospital, Y/N stepped out. “You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Max thought her cheeks were gonna break by how wide her smile became. He’s worried, how cute.

“I’m fine, Hargrove. Now, just… I’ll see you Monday, okay? Don’t… don’t ignore me?”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“You made a lot of promises today, hope you mean 'em’.” She smiled and walked into the emergency room. Max quickly ran out of the car to switch to the front seat and buckled in with a massive grin on her face and a “I-know-your-secrets” glare in her eyes.

“Oh god, what now, Max?”

“So… In love with Y/N, are we?” She smirked, tilting her head. “No wonder you’re so nice.”

He scrunched his face in mock disgust. “What? No! She’s just- We’re just kind of… friends now, I guess. It’s platonic.”

“Really? You held her hand and Oh Y/N I’ll get you a job, I promise, I’ll protect you, My princess, where is she? I care so much about you! Oh! I love you so much-” Her mocking tone and giggling was cut short as Billy suddenly stepped on the gas suddenly. Her laughing only intensifies.

“Shut up! It’s not like that. She’s just… Okay, I never met anyone as incredible or strong and unpredictable. She is the funniest, smartest yet somehow densest person I know and I don’t know if I wanna scream or kiss her but she’s the strongest most fucking irresistable woman I know and I have to stay away from her or else I get all these… emotions… I guess, that I can’t fucking deal with, okay? But it’s just… temporary. We’re platonic!” He just sounded like a contradicting machine that wanted to convince itself of a lie.

Max grinned one last time. “Sure, Billy, sure.”

iv. - third pov

Max’s joy only lasted a week.

Billy made an effort to speak to her but everytime he grew awkward. It was unfamiliar to him. And Y/N? Max hardly recognizes her. Her wrist was covered in a white cast with blue wrapping and the bruises she received at the arcade were healing well. But she was limping. She was covering her face. She was wearing long sleeves, even though it was now March and the weather was warming. It worried Max. Poor girl didn’t know what to do. So she went to Billy. Told him her concerns.

“What do you mean limping?“

“Limping! What else does it mean?” Even in serious conversations, her sarcasm never failed. “It’s been really warm lately and she still wears that black hoodie and sweatpants. She’s hot cause she always asks for the air conditioner so I don’t know why she doesn’t just take it off unless…”

“Don’t…”His heart kicked up, “You think… you think more bruises?”

“Yeah or she did something herself….” She frowns in concern. Shaking his head, thoughts filling with the worst of the worst, he begnis marching down the halls, searching for his shortcake.

He bumps into Carol who squeaks like a mouse and stumbles. “Billy, what the fuck?”

“Have you seen Y/N?” He was frantic.

“Who-?”

“Y/N! Have you seen Y/N!” Carol was startled till an expression of realization overtook her features.

“Oh! New girl?” She shook her head, “No, I haven’t seen her today-“

“Then you’re useless. And she’s not even fucking new, she’s been in this school longer than me, Catherine.” He rolls his eyes and begins walking once again.

“It’s Carol-“

He walked completely off, effectively cutting her off and sending a simple message. You’re irrelevant.

Finally catching a glimpse of a girl in a black hoodie and sweatpants, he grips her shoulder and tugs her into the nearest supply closet. “Take off your hoodie.”

“Woah, I know you’re a horny bastard, Hargrove but at least ask me to dinner first-” She chuckles, rolling her shoulders.

“I’m not kidding, Y/N. Take off your hoodie or explain.” His expression was stern in the dimly lit closet.

Silence. It was then they noticed the closed space, they were so close that one inch forward and their noses would touch. She could explore his blue eyes and well defined facial structure, the spiral of his curls and count his freckles and he could sink in her eyes and imagine the taste of her lips. God, he can’t stop staring at her lips. But he grasped her chin and tilted her head side to side to observe a few new fade bruises, she smacked his hand. She stares at him with a blank expression. “There's just… it’s just… more bruises. Nothing serious.”

Scoffing, “From who?”

Shaking her head. This one was different. She couldn’t tell him who did this one. “Billy, I’m not comfortable talking about this right now. Okay? It's really personal and I-I just want to get through the day so I can go to sleep. Even if everyday on the bus home is like a sentence to hell…” She mumbled the last sentence, raising her able hand to brush a strand behind her ear.

“Why? What's at home?”

“Nothing… just my mom and I never really got along well. It's nothing bad, just frustrating.” His eyes had not looked at hers since the silence. His eyes have been trained to her lips. Watching her form every syllable. “You know, I got eyes you can look at, too, right?” She smirked.

“I-I am looking at your eyes, you just can’t tell 'cause it's dark.” His eyes flick to hers.

“If we’re calling my lips my eyes then sure!” She tilts her head playfully. The air in the small closet was tight and hotter and hotter by the second.

He smirked, “Well, about taking your hoodie off…” His hands tug on her collar to push her body closer to his. She scoffs and pushes him to the wall.

“In your dreams, Hargrove.” She walks out the enclosed space but Billy follows close behind.

“I’m just saying, if all this time I just had to take you to dinner, I would’ve done it long ago!” He walks side by side with her. “No, but seriously, if it's personal then that's okay. I understand, just, y’know Max told me who broke your wrist and now he has a concussion so…”

She stops abruptly and turns to him. “What?”

“I figured out it was Bryce Turner so I found him at his job and knocked him out, no big deal,” He shrugs, “He hurt you, that's not right.”

She looks at him, entirely suspicious. “What the hell changed? You see me bruised up once or twice and suddenly you care about me as a person? Suddenly you defend me? What the hell, Billy?”

He exhales, heavily, glancing around the halls. “Can we not talk about this here? It’s really not that serious, I just know how it feels to take a beating, I’ve been in a few fights myself if you can’t tell.”

Shaking her head, “No, a few months ago, you couldn’t fucking stand me. You only bared my presence to get a chance to fuck me. So, is this just a trick? This is all an act, this new you? Is it real? Or is this an elaborate plan to fuck me, Billy? Because I’m sick of everyone in my life using me.”

He opened his mouth to speak but he didn’t know how to tell her. He couldn’t tell her. He shakes his head, “I’m not trying to use you, it’s… it’s unrelated. I promise. I’m sorry I made you feel that way, though.”

Sharing blank stares, she bites her lip. “Another promise, hm?” He bows his head. “See ya’, Billy.”

She wanders off from him, off to her next class. He’s left alone in a crowded hallway, heart sunk to his stomach and a new anxiety he didn’t appreciate.

v. - yn pov

Sobbing uncontrollably on a Sunday night, walking in the rain to Billy Hargrove’s house at two in the morning was not my ideal experience. But my life never went according to plan.

The cut on my lip down my chin and bleeding nose was evidence enough, let alone the numerous fresh black and blue marks covering my cheeks and body. A solid handprint outlined in red on my wrist when she yanked me toward the front door. My tailbone still ached from when I fell ass first into the pavement. She screams demanding me to leave “her” house, even though I pay the majority of the rent.

My ribs were healing well from the last time she hit me but after her recent blows, they ached and stung. My wrist is still wrapped in a cast that shouldn’t be wet. My ankle, that she had smashed on the wooden ground when I refused to get out of bed and she dragged me off it, now had shards and fragments of glass lodged in the arch of my foot from the vase she had thrown at my foot. The wet concrete was incredulously painful against my feet which were clad in only socks. My mother doesn’t really think to give me shoes before throwing me out. She just knows she wants me out and doesn’t care what condition I’m in whilst “out.”

It was humiliating to be walking towards Billy Hargrove’s house for support, for help, for comfort. When in September he and I hated each other. Sure, he tried to seduce me but that was a joke. No one found me attractive, he was making fun of me. Right? So, why in December, on my birthday that no one ever celebrated, did he lift me in his arms and help me get medical attention? Why did he care? That's what I clung onto as I took steps closer and closer to his house. The bright hope lying in that memory. Billy Hargrove cared even a little bit.

I didn’t really have anyone else. My best friend was in Florida visiting her grandmother and all my family was in New York. All I had was Billy.

His door was intimidating, but my body shivered so aggressively and my heart thumped so heavily I realized I had no choice. With eyes filled with many tears, my vision was blurry, my throat dry, body wrenched and my heart aching… I knocked on his door. The sound hardly made it over Metallica playing faintly through the door, the only sign other than the turned on living room light that he was there.

I knock again. “Jesus, M… can’t you, at least… door?” I could hear him faintly through the door. Suddenly, it swung open and there he stood. A red button-up tucked into jeans clung to his frame well. His expression switched from anger to shock and concern.

“Y/N, what- what the fuck happened?”

“I-I’m so-so sorry, Billy… I don’t have anywhere to go, I just- I would’ve called but I can’t get in my house so I- I just walked her and I- fuck, I just need help, please!” Each word came out with a choked sob. He gently grabbed my elbow and, with a softness I couldn’t imagine ever coming from him, he pulled me in for a hug. “Billy, y-you’re gonna get wet-”

“Jesus, I don’t care. C’mon, let me take care of you. We’re lucky my parents are gone.”

***

After gently taking out the shard in my foot with a tweezer, and asking Max for her tweezer in the first place, he gave me some medical alcohol, ointments, bandages and wraps to use after a shower. He even gave me a new wrist cast, which I’d have to ask later why he has it. He left me another one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers while he let me take a shower. When I got out, he was wearing a t-shirt and boxers. There were too white mugs and chocolate chip cookies on the coffee table as well as a mountain of VHS tapes. He was wrapped in a red blanket and his foot tapped anxiously on the wooden ground. This is new… certainly not unwelcome but new.

“Uhm, thank you…”

His head snapped in my direction at the sound of my voice.

“Did you walk here?”

“Oh- uh, yeah… more so limp but yeah…”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, what's going on? Who did this to you? I’ve never seen you cry like that, it… it hurt and I got really scared for you… are you okay?” His eyes were always so pretty to me. How the blue could tell so much about him, what he was feeling, thinking. I could see so much truth to his words, so much concern.

Sighing, I bite the bullet. Its stupid, but I really trusted Billy. “My mom has been like this since I was ten…” I train my eyes to the ground. The pattern of the wood was far less horrific than those gorgeous azure eyes. “Ever since my biological dad left, she just…changed. She likes to drink. All her money goes to that. I basically hold up everything rent wise and financially… I want to forget her tonight, please. I’ve been so scared and… and tired for so long. I feel strange and stupid for telling you this but its not like I have many friends or anyone you can tell that would ruin my life so fuck it… I really just don't wanna think about her… okay?”

The silence after my words is what motivated me to gather the courage to meet his eyes. Pursed lips and a sigh, Billy looks back at me. “Yeah. Okay, whatever you need, shortcake.”

I give a curt nod, “Thank you,” I sniffle and look at the table, “What’s all this?”

“Oh, well, I asked Max for some of her VHS tapes and she made cookies with Susan before she left this morning so… I thought… maybe, these would make you feel better? And I made her swear to keep this a secret and not tell any of her little shit friends.” His cheeks actually turn a shade of red and I let out a giggle as I sit beside him. He tosses the blanket over my head. “Don’t laugh at me, I’m trying to be nice!”

“Okay, okay!” I pick up the VHS tapes and shuffle through them. The Shining, Nightmare on Elm Street, Carrie, The Breakfast Club, The Outsiders…

“Lets watch Nightmare on Elm Street…Johnny Depp is pretty…” I giggled and bit my bottom lip.

“Wow, okay, am I not?” with a faux hurt expression, he lifted a hand to his chest and smirked.

Rolling my eyes, “That’s not what I said…”

Raising a brow, “So, you’re saying I’m pretty?”

“Yes, Billy Hargrove. You are a beautiful man.”

His smirk shifts into a soft smile, “Thank you, you’re beautiful yourself, babe.”

New nickname, adding that to my list of favorites.

“Thank you. Seriously.” I hand him the VHS to put on and lean back. I pull the blanket to cover my bruised stretch marks. “I would’ve called before coming but… y’know.”

He places a hand on my cheek. “You and I… are more alike than you think, sugar. No matter how awful you think I am… I will always care about you. I know I’m an asshole but… you kind of changed my life with all these marks and trouble. You’re… you’re my favorite type of trouble.”

It was like my insides were melting and I swallowed hard, my heartbeat speeding up. “Really?”

His thumb brushes against my cheek as he nods. “Absolutely.”

“That’s… really cheesy,” I giggle, embarrassed, “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think it was sweet. You’re my favorite trouble, too, Billy.”

A brief moment of silence as he looked down to my lips. It was like time stopped and I swallowed my heart. “Can I kiss you, sugar?”

Briefly, my eyes widen before whispering, “Please…”

His lips touch mine instantly, they are soft but urgent. Slipping his tongue past my lips, I feel my body erupt into flames. I place my hands on his thighs and I hear him drop the VHS before he puts both hands on my cheeks. He was so warm, so soft, yet his kiss was so needy and deeply affectionate. My broken wrist remains on his thigh but my other hand moves to run my fingers into the back of his hair, gripping gently. He groans and I swear, I felt my heart stop. That's when he pulled away and I caught a glimpse of his glazed eyes and slicken lips.

“I could do that everyday, for the rest of time…” he muttered. I couldn’t tell if he was speaking to me but I didn’t care. I could hardly focus on anything but the sweltering joy growing in the very pit of my stomach.

Our moment is interrupted by a small voice clearing their throat. I drop my hand to my lap. We look over to see Max with a smirk on her face, red hair pulled into braids. “I knew you liked her, you idiot!”

“Get out!” He grumbled.

She simply laughed, unphased, “No, no. Thank you, now Dustin owes me fifteen dollars!” She runs to her room, presumably to grab that darn walky talky.

With a small smile, I raised a questioning brow and scrunched my nose. “You like me?”

Rolling his eyes, he picks up the VHS and moves to put the movie on. “No… yes. I don’t know…” He plopped back on the sofa. “C-can we just watch the movie …?” Oh, how I love to make him blush and stutter….

I giggled and intertwined my fingers with his. “If it's any consolation, I like you. I like you a lot, Billy Hargrove.”

His blue eyes brimming with adoration. He nods, enthusiastically. “Okay… yeah. I like you a whole lot….”

vi. - billy pov

Y/N went back home the next day. It had been four weeks since that night and I still haven’t kissed her again. I’ve been afraid to touch her lips again. I know she said she likes me. But I also know I’m not good enough for her. I only just started to be nicer to Max. I only just started to try. So, I went back to pushing her away.

But the night was young and I already found myself covered in bruises and blood seeped through my shirt. Although the weather was cold, there was a thin line of sweat covering my skin as I drove down the streets to the one person in the world who didn’t make me feel like shit. The one person who made me feel like I meant something. The night was filled with bloody fists, tears and screaming matches. But she was full of love, care and a gentleness that I could never get at home.

As I park out her house, I see her light is the only one on.

With a deep breath, I climb the tree in front of her window and peer into her room. She’s lying on the bed under the covers, a book in her hands. I purse my lips and knock on her window softly. Her head turns toward the window. slightly startled, her expression instantly fills with concern and that damn look she always gives me that always makes me feel warm. She pulls the covers off and instantly rushes to the window, I instantly notice something. She’s wearing my shirt.

She always looks so good in my shirts, god, she drives me crazy.

She slides the window up and I meet her eyes. “Billy, what-what are you doing here?!”

“Uh, if you let me in, I’ll explain everything…” She nods, shifting over to the side to let me in.

I climb into her room and sit on her bed, the creaking of the window shutting numbed out in my numerous chaotic thoughts. Suddenly, she’s beside me, running her fingers through my curls and placing her now healed hand on my thigh. “Talk to me, Billy. What’s wrong? I’ve never seen you cry…”

Biting my bottom lip, I briefly muster the balls to meet her eyes before looking back at her carpet. “Remember when you came to my house at two in the morning?” She nods. “Remember when I said we were alike?”

You and I… are more alike than you think, sugar.

She nods, warily.

“My dad… he punishes me. Harshly. He… he does it a lot but tonight, I guess I really got on his nerves. He blamed me for my mom leaving and kicked me out the house. I know I’ve been a piece of shit lately but with all these feelings I have for you and the shit my dad says… I can’t find it in me to put you through all my bullshit. But here I am… I don’t fucking know, I can’t stay away from you… I’m sorry. You’re… all I got, sugar.” My eyes filled with tears once again, the millionth time of the night. Her fingers reach up to wipe my tears and I lean into the warmth of her hand.

“It's not your fault.” She simply states. Not a second of hesitation, not an ounce of doubt.

“What?”

“Your mother leaving, Hargrove. That's not your fault. And as for us? We’re fine, just don’t ignore me. It’s not up to you whether I ‘deal with your shit’ and don't talk about yourself like that. You’re fucking incredible. I like you for a reason, dummy. Anyway, you're safe here. I’ll take care of you.” I look up when she stands and walks toward her door. I almost whined thinking she was leaving, but she locks the door and walks back toward me.

“Jacket and pants off, c’mon, time for bed.” I laugh, dryly, her determination to take care of me making my heart palpitate. I begin to undress, uncomfortably in my bruised state and she reaches in her bedside drawer and pulls out a first aid kit. “Lie down.”

I do as the lady says and lie flat like a starfish in the center of her bed. She sits beside me and opens the kit, beginning to treat me. I take it as an opportunity to admire her features. From her hair to her lips to my shirt on her body. She smelled wonderful. Like a dewy spring morning. Her lips looked shiny after her tongue swiped across them. She finishes and brushes a few stray strands of hair out of my face. “I really do like you, Billy. Don’t leave me in the dark like that ever again, okay?”

I nod. At this moment, as I look at her face, I realize I’d do anything she asks. “Whatever you want, babe.”

She shut the light off and slipped under the covers, I followed suit. There was a brief pause of comfortable silence. Till I got to thinking. I never felt such an intense feeling, relationship, trust, experience. She was an acid trip. She was peace. She was heaven and she was chaos. She was everything and I was set on living for my everything. It was at this moment I realized why I had felt so protective, so needy for her attention, so caring, careful and intrigued, so pliable and submissive to her every whim.

I had fallen in love.

This wasn’t good. The moment I realized it, it was like it was fighting to get out. Like it needed to get out before it grew more and broke my heart. She’d leave me, just like my mother.

But the voices, the doubt, it didn’t matter when I felt her shit beside me and her voice relaxed me like melatonin or a cup of tea in the morning. I was more of a beer and party at night but god, I could get behind this feeling. This indescribable high she had me set on. I was absolutely in love with her. I adored her. I was enamored. Max was right. It pissed me off beyond words… but holy shit, Max was absolutely right. I was head over heels and it was fucking terrifying.

“Are you okay, Billy? Do you need anything? Water? Food? Maybe clothes? I could steal some of my stepdads clothes… or you could wear some of my oversized stuff-”

“I’m good, princess. Thank you. I just… I really need to tell you something.” It was gonna come out. It had to. It had to or I was going to explode. I roll over to face her, only to find that she was already facing me. Even in the dark, I could trace her features. It was committed to memory. Imprinted in his mind. I certainly didn’t hate it. “Y/N. Don’t laugh. Okay? If you laugh, I’ll leave and sleep in my car.”

She nods. “Okay, Billy, just spit it out!”

“Fine. I-I… I love you. Like… love-love you. Like I wanna kiss you and hold you and hold your hand. I wanna… maybe… I don’t know, get married one day and live far, far away together. All by ourselves, happily alone…”

It was quiet. From what I could see in the dark, under the streak of moonlight hitting her just right, she was shocked. Her bottom lip pulled under her teeth. “I love you, too. I want all of that and more, Billy… but you can’t ignore me. Okay? Talk to me… I just wanna be there with you. For you.”

I have never smiled that big since I was kid, surfing in the waves with mom.

“Run away with me.” My voice was soft as I stared mindlessly at her lips.

“Billy…” She sounded cynical as she shook her head.

“C’mon. We both hate this town!” I place a hand on her hip.

“Think about what's here, though. Max. School. My best friend. Billy, be logical!” She was always so smart. So careful and meticulous. But I wasn’t having it. We could worry about the details and kinks later. For now. I just wanted to convince her to get away with me.

“I am! We’ll leave after graduation. I’ll save up money to get us someplace nice far away. Maybe back to Cali or we can even go to New York. I’ll go wherever, as long as it’s with you. So they can never touch us again, okay? Never again.”

Another beat of silence.

“Fuck… fine! Okay!” I celebrate with a mouthed ‘yes’ and a fist to the air, she rolls her eyes. “I hate the effect you have on me, Billy Hargrove.”

“Oh please! Get over here…” I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into me and smothering my face in her hair, taking a whiff of the scent and smiling brightly. I pull back to place my lips on hers, gently. Reveling in the feeling of her lips on mine again after far too long. “I love you so much.”

Sure, we can just be dumb teenagers with stupid plans.

“I love you more.”

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t okay with that. Especially not when the cold wind of Hawkins kisses my skin as it brushes through the small crack in the window and I doze off, holding my love in my arms.

Never Again

the five times he saw you with bruises and the one time you saw him with bruises.

pairing: billy hargrove x thicc!reader (f)

word count 8.9k

note: reader has thick thighs and stretch marks, i'd rather jump off a bridge than write about characters with "perfect bodies" ew. also im chubby and i dont remember what it was like to be skinny. ok ms thiccums. also readers birthday is in winter shh. this is sort of an au where billy got left back a year and he still works at pool, steves at record store and billys alive. billys a little bit ooc but who cares lmao

playlist. moodboard. masterlist.

warnings!: abuse!, domestic abuse, violence, sexual assault mentioned, mention of ro*fie/date drug, assault, fighting, bullying, depression, loneliness, anxiety, a LOT of swearing/cursing, making out (?) etc... fluff, comfort, angst.

i. - yn pov

The cold wind kissed my skin as I stepped off the dingy school bus and toward Hawkins High. My backpack slung over my shoulder as I tug on my flannels sleeves and fidget with anxiety, walking through, past the other students that seemed to enjoy loitering. Another miserable day in hell. My combat boots smack the concrete as I enter the building, escaping from the chilly temperature into the stuffy halls and heading straight for my locker. I grab my notebook to place it in my backpack and put away my winter coat. Having earbuds in, I don’t hear the obnoxious smacking of gum and tapping of tacky flats coming toward me. Not till her hand pushes me toward the wall. One of my headphones was knocked out.

“I’m talking to you, new girl!” The voice was impossible to not recognize. Turning around to make eye contact and confirm my theory, I send a distasteful glare to Carol.

“And yet, I can’t seem to give a fuck.” I was never one to let popular kids knock me around. Seemingly everyone bullies and annoys me with ease, but I always defend myself. I only don’t speak when their whole purpose is to get a rise out of me.

Her expression changes from annoyed to offense and fury. “Listen, slut. Either you explain why you stole my bracelet and give it back or I will fuck you up.”

Raising a brow I looked down at my wrist where I had my grandmother's silver bracelet wrapped around and chuckled at the insane accusation. “This is my grandma’s, dumbass. I didn’t take your stupid fucking bracelet.”

“I beg to fucking differ, it’s one of a kind!” She yells, catching the attention of other passerbys in the hills. Suddenly I’m filled with rage as she raises her voice at me.

“Clearly not. I’m not dealing with this right now, it’s too early.” I go to walk away and escape the conversation when suddenly she grabs and tugs my arm. I land on the ground, hard, on my back.

“Nuh-uh, not till you give it back!” She straddles me, holding my hands down with her knees and starts throwing punches. “Give it back!”

How do I give it “back” if you’re holding me down, dumbass!

This was ridiculous. I was almost embarrassed for the girl. She actually threw punches… over a bracelet. It all happened so fast. My eye burned and my face was sore and my lip was stinging. Then someone came behind Carol and pulled her off of me. My face was warm and I took deep breaths. I could feel blood dripping out of my nose and my lip was busted. I swallow hard and taste blood on my tongue before rising to sit up. My vision was blurry but I could see a shape of what seemed to be Tommy pulling Carol away, the yelling reverberating in my ears. Behind me I feel someone place an arm on my back and under my knees, lifting me and carrying me toward the nurses office.

I try to see who lifted me but as we pass the bright lights in the halls, my eyes get irritated and I shut them quickly. The person is warm and I feel denim gently scraping my arm. I don’t need to wonder for long as I hear his voice. “Jesus, L/N. It’s not even twelve yet and you already got a beating?”

“Shut up, Hargrove.” My voice is so weak it surprises me. His name is even more bitter than the blood on my tongue.

“It’s almost a new record. Not one to be proud of. But it's something, sugar.”

Billy Hargrove and I constantly bickered. I hated him and he hated me but not enough to not want to get in my pants. We were often associated as his stupid friends frequently beat me to hell and he beat my guy friends. I envy him. Everyone absolutely adores him. I can pretend I don’t care about being liked but deep down, there's this irritating desire to be loved. But someone, anyone. The fear that if my own mother doesn’t love me, why would anyone else?

Billy was perfect. He was attractive, fit, and the Hawkins High king. He hardly even needed to try. And me? I was the nobody.

I hated him for it.

“I’d rather you left me on the floor, Billy!” When I wiggle to try and escape his arms, his grip only gets tighter.

He scoffs as he opens the nurse’s office door with his foot. “Don’t be so dramatic, shortcake.”

I’m sitting on a medical cot as I hear the clicking of the nurse’s heels rushing toward me. “Oh my- what happened, hun?”

I assumed Billy left the room as I explained I was in a fight to Nurse Jen. Why would he stay? But after the teacher cleaned my eyes and I was able to blink them open, I see him sitting there across the room, watching with crossed arms and a brooding stare as the nurse dabbed at my bruises. I raise a brow at him and he only sends a sly grin in response. When the nurse finishes up with my bruises and busted lip, she looks up at me with soft brown eyes. “Can you have someone drive you home?”

“I’ll take her home,” She and I turned to Billy as he spoke. “Still live out of town?”

I nod softly, surprised he remembered that from the party a few months ago that my best friend dragged me to. He had to drive me home and dropped me off after someone tried to roofie me. As I said, this school is hell.

The nurse nods, grabbing my hand and helping pull me up. At first, it was like it all rushed to my head, the world began to spin, blurring slightly. It cleared quickly and I stumbled slightly. Billy rushes forward to grab my arms and hold me up. Surprisingly, his expression is filled with genuine concern. “Alright, c’mon, L/N.” He lifts me up just as he did before and carries me out to the car. The nurse left me with an ice pack for my head and packet of bandaids. What the fuck do I do with this? Billy sets me down in the passenger seat of his camaro. He begins driving after a heavy sigh. Who would’ve thought I’d wake up, go to school, get my ass kicked, and then get driven home by Billy Hargrove. I giggle childishly at the thought while staring out the window. “What’re you laughing at, sugar?”

“This is… not at all what I expected from my day…” I shake my head and frown. “Billy Hargrove, the man who hates me for everything but my tits, driving me home.”

He scoffs, “Is that how you think of me? Really?”

I nod fervently, wincing as it hurt my jaw. “Absolutely.”

He’s silent. Just for a moment. “Jesus, that’s… a low point of view.”

“Well, you never really treated me with a high regard… not till this moment and that party a few weeks ago. You aren’t really that nice to me. You’re just snarky and pervy.” I continue to mumble under my breath about how everyone is always mean to me but Billy isn’t listening after what I said about him.

He stares blankly to the road before him as he drives. The radio buzzing silently and I purse my busted lips as I look over to him. His gaze is concentrated and pensive. “I’m not that shitty of a person, Y/N.”

I swallow hard. “Sure.”

“I’m not!” He seemed genuinely angry, sincerely aggravated. “I have fuckin’ morals.”

“Then quit whining and act like it.” I huff, leaning to look out the window. He grunts, choosing to keep quiet and ignore me.

The rest of the car ride is silent. One hour of complete silence, other than the light sound of Metallica playing on the radio. I dozed off but every time I’d feel my eyes close, Billy shoved me, mumbling something about “concussions.”

Pulling up to my house, I rush to get out but Billy darts to my side of the car. “What’re you doing?” I say, shocked.

“You can hardly walk, sugar. I’m helping you get inside safely.” His tone is sarcastic but intentions are pure. I would roll my eyes if they didn’t hurt so much.

I let him help walk me inside my house. My parents were at work and I’m secretly grateful for Billy driving me. My mother would’ve screamed at me for making her drive all the way back and maybe even done worse. As I sit on my mattress, I look to Billy who helped me up the stairs, through the pavement and drove me from school and finally I gathered the courage. “Billy…” He looks into my eyes after finding pain relievers in my drawer and placing them on my bedside table. His blue eyes were hypnotizing and I finally understood why all the girls fawned over him. “Thank you. You don’t understand how much you just helped me.” I give him a small, warm smile.

His gaze flips between my eyes and lips before he takes a deep breath, “Don’t thank me, sweetheart, it’s the least I can do. Lemme go get you some water. You got any snacks or pajamas I can bring you so you don’t have to get up too much?”

I nod carefully. Billy was being soft. He was gentle and kind. I guess he’s trying to show his morals like I suggested. “In the drawer, top shelf is my jammies, there's chips in the kitchen. I-I’m only allowed to eat the potato chips, though…”

He nods, not asking too much. He grabs the pajamas from my drawer, a large t-shirt that I stole from my ex, and sweatpants. He laid it on the bed and left for the water and chips. Quickly, I got dressed and tucked myself under the blankets. Billy was quick, walking into my room with a bag of chips and a glass of water. He placed it on the bedside table and I quickly took the pain relievers with a large gulp of water. He looks around my room, his eyes landing on a book, journal and pencil on the desk in the corner of my room. He grabs them and places them beside me. “Do some reading and drawing or something and get some rest in like two hours.You don’t wanna get a concussion, trust me.”

I laugh, dryly. “Thank you, Hargrove.”

“When do your parents get back?”

“Uh, depends. My dad comes back around nine and my mom… My mom varies. It could be six on a good day or midnight on a bad day.” I sigh, grasping the book before opening to where I left off.

His brows furrowed and I saw the expression on his face shift as he tried to decide whether he should ask questions or not. He chooses not. “Okay… make sure not to get into trouble? See you around, sugar.” He ruffled my hair and just like that, he left.

ii. - yn pov

I didn’t want to come to this party but my best and only friend Rachel had forced me here. Well, more so, threatened to leave me home alone with my mother. So there I stood, next to a bowl of spiked punch, as people sent judgemental glances my way. I was completely fine minding my own business, till a pretty girl with a ponytail so tight it practically pulled her hairline out. I recognized her as… Natalie? Nicole? One of those for sure… “You’re the new girl, right? The one who stole Carol's bracelet?” Her speech was slurred and she seemingly was clueless to the concept of personal space.

“I’m new but I didn’t steal Carol's bracelet. If she told you otherwise then she’s a lying, delusional bitch.” Okay, maybe it was harsh. However I couldn't find it in me to care at the moment. I wanted to go to sleep.

She snarled her red lips and with a bitter tone, “Well, that ‘b-word’ is my friend so watch what you say, freak. What are you even doing here? I didn’t know they were inviting losers?”

With a sarcastic smile, I cross my arms, “Aw! Well, duh! That's why they invited you, silly!”

She gasps before clenching her teeth, “At least I’m not a virgin with no freaking friends.”

It was so easy to piss these people off, I didn’t need to put in the effort of getting physical. But I was so very tired and restless, I wasn’t in the mood frankly. I just grabbed her pretty and oh so perfect blonde ponytail and dumped her head in the spiked punch bowl. When she pulled back, she wiped the punch out her eyes and screeched. “Whore!” Huh, so she can curse.

“But I thought I was a virgin?” I send a snarky smile to the brat. Bad idea.

She tackled me and pathetically smacked me while straddling me. It wasn't as bad as Carol, however I still had some bruises staining my skin, so it hurt. And this time, I had my hands to cover me. It wasn’t enough though as she smacked me harder and harder. The crowd just chanted “fight, fight, fight” before someone finally pulled the rabid beast off me. I sighed heavily before trudging out the door.

My thoughts race. I’d rather walk home than stay there a second later. I don’t care if my house is twenty minutes away by car and forty walking. Rachel can yell at me in the morning, I don’t care.

But just as I make it to a street corner after fifteen minutes of walking, I notice a light shining behind me. The street has been empty since I first started walking so, out of curiosity, I turned to check who it may be.

“Oh my god.” I rolled my eyes as I noticed the familiar camaro driving toward me. “Do you just have a sixth sense or something?”

“Another beating, Y/N? Jesus, that's two in under a month, what happened?” Billy leans his head out the car. The street corner was getting cold so I stuck my head in the car to sneak some warmth.

“Well, Nicole was being disrespectful so I shoved her face in a bowl of punch and she decided to assault me. Plain and simple, Hargrove. Care to give me another ride home, please? I really don’t wanna walk in heels and bruises.” I pout, slight playful flirtation in my eyes as he rolls his and tilts his head to motion me to hop in.

I giggled at the music choice. “What's funny?”

“You’re playing metallica again, it’s like fuckin’ deja vu.”

He laughs, shaking his head, “I can’t believe you can laugh when you look like you’ve been fucking run over. You get into too many fights. I’m being serious, it’s reckless and dangerous, sugar. You gotta stop.” He scolds me like a child.

I huff, sarcastically, “Okay, dad. Since when did you give a fuck what I do? Figured you couldn't care less.”

“Like I said last time, I got morals. If I see someone who doesn’t deserve a beating all bruised up, it's pretty upsetting, shortcake.”

I laugh, sarcastically. “Well, you’re surely getting better at showing it. Seriously, do you think carrying my bag for me to two classes is gonna make me think you have morals? Or saying bless you when I sneeze? That's just manners, Hargrove, I’m concerned you just started saying bless you and thank you to people. It's basic respect.”

He stops, rather aggressively, in the middle of the empty road. “Don’t you talk to me about respect like you’re my fucking father. You can't seem to avoid getting your ass kicked, what are you a child? Desperate for attention? A masochist? What? What's wrong with you that you so desperately need to get assaulted every day? Mommy not giving you enough attention at home?”

That felt like a slap across the face. Especially since my mother couldn’t care less if someone hit me. She’d fully support it. The comment made my eyes water, every word leading me closer and closer to the tears that started rolling down my rosy and bruised cheeks. His angry expressions alter to one of shock and perhaps even a flash of guilt. He opened his mouth to speak but he was speechless as I cried silently beside him. “Fuck you, Hargrove.”

He bit his pursed lip and started driving again. It was quiet for a bit till he gathered his courage to speak again. “Listen… that… that wasn't cool of me. I’m-I am… sorry. That was fucked up. I shouldn’t have said that. I just-I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t know why. It really fucking bothers me though.”

The word sorry sounded like he choked just trying to get it out. He was so clearly not used to apologizing however I couldn’t find it in me to care. He tried. And it seemed genuine. That impressed me more than I could imagine. “Just… take me home please.”

The rest of the drive is silent till he’s pulling over in front of my house again. I catch my breath and wipe my tears as Billy hops out and walks to the passenger seat, opening the door for me. It was chivalrous and honestly surprising. I looked at him with a questioning gaze as he walked me to my door. Mentally, I celebrated being able to walk, unlike last time. “Hey, I was wondering … that shirt you wore last time? Where did you get it from? It looked familiar.”

I raise a brow at his question. “Uh, its my ex boyfriend’s. I never threw it out and he never picked it up so I just… kept it? I guess.”

He hums. “Here…” He pulls his denim jacket off and hands it to me before tugging his white shirt off and swapping that for the denim jacket. “Wear that… It’s really weird to wear your ex’s clothing. Creepy.” I can see him visibly gulp.

“Yeah?” With a lopsided grin on my face, I look down at the white t-shirt in my hands. Then I met his hypnotizing blue eyes once more. They were filled with something indescribable. Something different from the usual lust, gloom and humor that filled them. Something I didn’t quite understand yet. “You’re really confusing, Billy Hargrove.”

He laughs. It was a nice laugh too, I'll admit. Still hate him though, definitely. Definitely hate him, Mhm. “Tell me about it, Y/N L/N.” He raises both brows, looking between my eyes then my lips before walking backwards. “See ya’ round, shortcake. I gotta go find my sister, stay out of trouble, please.”

“See ya’.” There's a part of me that celebrates seeing him go, then some forbidden, sadistic, masochistic part if me cries deep down and begs him to come back mentally. “Asshole.”

iii. - third pov

Billy started acting weird.

Whenever Y/N passed him in the hall, he ignored her.

No snarky remarks or flirtatious lines. He stopped being cruel to his sister, he waited more patiently for her after school. He was using manners with teachers and other students and actually showed up for class. He was doing better in school in general and he showed up on time. She’d find him watching her when she’d look up to find who was burning a gaze into her flesh. It was always him. But when she tried to speak to him, he gave one word answers and walked away claiming he had something to do.

You’re really confusing, Billy Hargrove.

Tell me about it.

He’s playing with my feelings. Her thoughts race. Except there are no feelings, I definitely hate him. Right? So why does it hurt when he ignores me? When he passes without a word or a glance. Why did it give me butterflies when I caught him looking at me or how, not so discreetly, looked over in the morning to see if I got off the bus before going in just to know if I was around. What would he do if I wasn’t? Why did I want to know? Was it so strange to miss our dynamic? Our banter?

Nonetheless, she continued her life as usual. Weekdays were school till three, work at the arcade till six, taking the bus home, shower, sleep. Weekends were work from seven to three, taking the bus home, yoga, shower, study, sleep. She only had about one or two friends, so there wasn’t much “hanging out” squeezed in. Except there was a disruption in her schedule on this particular day. Saturday. Noon. In front of the arcade, Max is sitting beside Y/N with a deep frown on her lips.

Max came in at her usual eleven in the morning and all went smoothly till some grown man came and gave her trouble for “hogging” the machine. So, in an attempt to defend her, Y/N walked up and asked him to leave. Which resulted in a bruised cheekbone, split lip and broken wrist. Now they sit on the curb, waiting for Max’s brother to pick her up so Y/N can go to the hospital and receive treatment.

“Are you sure Billy will take me? He didn’t seem too happy last time he saw me all bruised up…”

His words imprinted in her memory, joined by those blue eyes that filled with concern. If I see someone who doesn’t deserve a beating all bruised up, it's pretty upsetting, shortcake.

“Last time?” The redhead's eyebrow quirks.

“Yeah, he gave me a ride once… twice. Whatever, just… are you sure he won't be mad?” Worry lacing her tone.

“It’ll be fine, Y/N/N,” She takes a pause, placing a hand on Y/N’s knee. “And who cares what that asshole thinks anyway?”

The older girl releases a small laugh, “Yeah, who cares…” She did. She cared too much. She didn’t know when it happened or how. She couldn’t even admit to herself that it had. But she grew fond of the blond curlyhead casanova.

“And also… I didn’t get to say thank you. No one really defends me like that… You looked really badass, at least.” Max giggles.

With a pained smile, “No problem, kiddo. I can’t believe he broke my wrist, though, that's still so crazy to me.”

“Yeah, that was crazy. Hey, your eyeliner is still intact?” The statement was more of a question as she questionably clung onto whatever she had in mind to cheer Y/N up.

The pair giggle till the familiar rumble of Billy’s camaro can be heard speeding toward the arcade. It skids to a stop and Billy comes rushing out the car toward the duo, who stood quickly. “What the fuck happened, Y/N? Didn’t I tell you to be careful?”

“Hard to remember what you said when you haven’t even acknowledged me till this moment.”

“Sweetheart, It's hard to not acknowledge such a hot chick so don’t spout such bullshit. No what the fuck is going on with your wrist?” He goes to grab her wrist but she yelps in pain and he pulls back quickly, his previously flirtatious expression filled with genuine concern.

“The dude broke it…” She had broken wrists before. He had broken legs, ribs, jaw, arms, feet, fingers. She’s had numerous broken bones, fractures, sprains. She wasn’t too panicked about the wrist. But the pain never felt nice.

His eyes flash back to hers, anger spirling her new favorite shade of blue, “Dude? A fucking guy did it? Is he still here?”

“No, he… he left.” She looks him up and down. He was wearing a red button up and she could see a peak of his chest. His cheeks flushed red in anger, and Max? She was thriving. She hasn’t felt so joyous in years. Suddenly it all made sense. Why Billy was so nice, so respectful, so much… happier?

Her.

“Okay… let’s go. I gotta get you to a hospital.”

Max sat in the back and her bright blue eyes flicked between the two sat in the front. Curious and intrigued, she hung on every second.

“Do you have an addiction to getting your ass kicked?”

“I guess so.”

More silence.

He looks at her and then back to the road. Then he takes a double take. “You look good in my shirt, by the way.”

It was then she realized she was wearing the very shirt he gave her off his back the last time they actually spoke. “Thanks.”

Max covered her mouth to disguise her smile.

Billy actually likes someone? And it's Y/N?!

“Y’know… I’m probably gonna get fired. I’m really gonna need a new job. Actually, to be honest… I pay the majority of the rent at my house… My mom… she doesn’t really…” Y/N clears her throat as she chokes a sob that threatens to leave her with teary eyes. “She doesn’t really pay rent. She works but… not for rent.” She wipes her face with her unbroken wrist. Then wiping the tears on her jeans.

Billy could feel his heart drop at the sound of her broken voice. “I’ll help you get a job. I promise. I’ll see if you can work at the pool with me or maybe I could get Harrington to let you work at the record store. I will help get you a job.”

She let out an exhale and a laugh, “Did you know the first day where you found me all bruised up in December… It was my birthday. I turned eighteen. No one said anything. Except for Max and my best friend. My own mother forgot. Or she just didn’t care.”

She was staring blankly at the road. All Billy could get out was a weak apology as he reached over to grasp her unbroken hand. Max beamed.

As they parked in front of the hospital, Y/N stepped out. “You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Max thought her cheeks were gonna break by how wide her smile became. He’s worried, how cute.

“I’m fine, Hargrove. Now, just… I’ll see you Monday, okay? Don’t… don’t ignore me?”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“You made a lot of promises today, hope you mean 'em’.” She smiled and walked into the emergency room. Max quickly ran out of the car to switch to the front seat and buckled in with a massive grin on her face and a “I-know-your-secrets” glare in her eyes.

“Oh god, what now, Max?”

“So… In love with Y/N, are we?” She smirked, tilting her head. “No wonder you’re so nice.”

He scrunched his face in mock disgust. “What? No! She’s just- We’re just kind of… friends now, I guess. It’s platonic.”

“Really? You held her hand and Oh Y/N I’ll get you a job, I promise, I’ll protect you, My princess, where is she? I care so much about you! Oh! I love you so much-” Her mocking tone and giggling was cut short as Billy suddenly stepped on the gas suddenly. Her laughing only intensifies.

“Shut up! It’s not like that. She’s just… Okay, I never met anyone as incredible or strong and unpredictable. She is the funniest, smartest yet somehow densest person I know and I don’t know if I wanna scream or kiss her but she’s the strongest most fucking irresistable woman I know and I have to stay away from her or else I get all these… emotions… I guess, that I can’t fucking deal with, okay? But it’s just… temporary. We’re platonic!” He just sounded like a contradicting machine that wanted to convince itself of a lie.

Max grinned one last time. “Sure, Billy, sure.”

iv. - third pov

Max’s joy only lasted a week.

Billy made an effort to speak to her but everytime he grew awkward. It was unfamiliar to him. And Y/N? Max hardly recognizes her. Her wrist was covered in a white cast with blue wrapping and the bruises she received at the arcade were healing well. But she was limping. She was covering her face. She was wearing long sleeves, even though it was now March and the weather was warming. It worried Max. Poor girl didn’t know what to do. So she went to Billy. Told him her concerns.

“What do you mean limping?“

“Limping! What else does it mean?” Even in serious conversations, her sarcasm never failed. “It’s been really warm lately and she still wears that black hoodie and sweatpants. She’s hot cause she always asks for the air conditioner so I don’t know why she doesn’t just take it off unless…”

“Don’t…”His heart kicked up, “You think… you think more bruises?”

“Yeah or she did something herself….” She frowns in concern. Shaking his head, thoughts filling with the worst of the worst, he begnis marching down the halls, searching for his shortcake.

He bumps into Carol who squeaks like a mouse and stumbles. “Billy, what the fuck?”

“Have you seen Y/N?” He was frantic.

“Who-?”

“Y/N! Have you seen Y/N!” Carol was startled till an expression of realization overtook her features.

“Oh! New girl?” She shook her head, “No, I haven’t seen her today-“

“Then you’re useless. And she’s not even fucking new, she’s been in this school longer than me, Catherine.” He rolls his eyes and begins walking once again.

“It’s Carol-“

He walked completely off, effectively cutting her off and sending a simple message. You’re irrelevant.

Finally catching a glimpse of a girl in a black hoodie and sweatpants, he grips her shoulder and tugs her into the nearest supply closet. “Take off your hoodie.”

“Woah, I know you’re a horny bastard, Hargrove but at least ask me to dinner first-” She chuckles, rolling her shoulders.

“I’m not kidding, Y/N. Take off your hoodie or explain.” His expression was stern in the dimly lit closet.

Silence. It was then they noticed the closed space, they were so close that one inch forward and their noses would touch. She could explore his blue eyes and well defined facial structure, the spiral of his curls and count his freckles and he could sink in her eyes and imagine the taste of her lips. God, he can’t stop staring at her lips. But he grasped her chin and tilted her head side to side to observe a few new fade bruises, she smacked his hand. She stares at him with a blank expression. “There's just… it’s just… more bruises. Nothing serious.”

Scoffing, “From who?”

Shaking her head. This one was different. She couldn’t tell him who did this one. “Billy, I’m not comfortable talking about this right now. Okay? It's really personal and I-I just want to get through the day so I can go to sleep. Even if everyday on the bus home is like a sentence to hell…” She mumbled the last sentence, raising her able hand to brush a strand behind her ear.

“Why? What's at home?”

“Nothing… just my mom and I never really got along well. It's nothing bad, just frustrating.” His eyes had not looked at hers since the silence. His eyes have been trained to her lips. Watching her form every syllable. “You know, I got eyes you can look at, too, right?” She smirked.

“I-I am looking at your eyes, you just can’t tell 'cause it's dark.” His eyes flick to hers.

“If we’re calling my lips my eyes then sure!” She tilts her head playfully. The air in the small closet was tight and hotter and hotter by the second.

He smirked, “Well, about taking your hoodie off…” His hands tug on her collar to push her body closer to his. She scoffs and pushes him to the wall.

“In your dreams, Hargrove.” She walks out the enclosed space but Billy follows close behind.

“I’m just saying, if all this time I just had to take you to dinner, I would’ve done it long ago!” He walks side by side with her. “No, but seriously, if it's personal then that's okay. I understand, just, y’know Max told me who broke your wrist and now he has a concussion so…”

She stops abruptly and turns to him. “What?”

“I figured out it was Bryce Turner so I found him at his job and knocked him out, no big deal,” He shrugs, “He hurt you, that's not right.”

She looks at him, entirely suspicious. “What the hell changed? You see me bruised up once or twice and suddenly you care about me as a person? Suddenly you defend me? What the hell, Billy?”

He exhales, heavily, glancing around the halls. “Can we not talk about this here? It’s really not that serious, I just know how it feels to take a beating, I’ve been in a few fights myself if you can’t tell.”

Shaking her head, “No, a few months ago, you couldn’t fucking stand me. You only bared my presence to get a chance to fuck me. So, is this just a trick? This is all an act, this new you? Is it real? Or is this an elaborate plan to fuck me, Billy? Because I’m sick of everyone in my life using me.”

He opened his mouth to speak but he didn’t know how to tell her. He couldn’t tell her. He shakes his head, “I’m not trying to use you, it’s… it’s unrelated. I promise. I’m sorry I made you feel that way, though.”

Sharing blank stares, she bites her lip. “Another promise, hm?” He bows his head. “See ya’, Billy.”

She wanders off from him, off to her next class. He’s left alone in a crowded hallway, heart sunk to his stomach and a new anxiety he didn’t appreciate.

v. - yn pov

Sobbing uncontrollably on a Sunday night, walking in the rain to Billy Hargrove’s house at two in the morning was not my ideal experience. But my life never went according to plan.

The cut on my lip down my chin and bleeding nose was evidence enough, let alone the numerous fresh black and blue marks covering my cheeks and body. A solid handprint outlined in red on my wrist when she yanked me toward the front door. My tailbone still ached from when I fell ass first into the pavement. She screams demanding me to leave “her” house, even though I pay the majority of the rent.

My ribs were healing well from the last time she hit me but after her recent blows, they ached and stung. My wrist is still wrapped in a cast that shouldn’t be wet. My ankle, that she had smashed on the wooden ground when I refused to get out of bed and she dragged me off it, now had shards and fragments of glass lodged in the arch of my foot from the vase she had thrown at my foot. The wet concrete was incredulously painful against my feet which were clad in only socks. My mother doesn’t really think to give me shoes before throwing me out. She just knows she wants me out and doesn’t care what condition I’m in whilst “out.”

It was humiliating to be walking towards Billy Hargrove’s house for support, for help, for comfort. When in September he and I hated each other. Sure, he tried to seduce me but that was a joke. No one found me attractive, he was making fun of me. Right? So, why in December, on my birthday that no one ever celebrated, did he lift me in his arms and help me get medical attention? Why did he care? That's what I clung onto as I took steps closer and closer to his house. The bright hope lying in that memory. Billy Hargrove cared even a little bit.

I didn’t really have anyone else. My best friend was in Florida visiting her grandmother and all my family was in New York. All I had was Billy.

His door was intimidating, but my body shivered so aggressively and my heart thumped so heavily I realized I had no choice. With eyes filled with many tears, my vision was blurry, my throat dry, body wrenched and my heart aching… I knocked on his door. The sound hardly made it over Metallica playing faintly through the door, the only sign other than the turned on living room light that he was there.

I knock again. “Jesus, M… can’t you, at least… door?” I could hear him faintly through the door. Suddenly, it swung open and there he stood. A red button-up tucked into jeans clung to his frame well. His expression switched from anger to shock and concern.

“Y/N, what- what the fuck happened?”

“I-I’m so-so sorry, Billy… I don’t have anywhere to go, I just- I would’ve called but I can’t get in my house so I- I just walked her and I- fuck, I just need help, please!” Each word came out with a choked sob. He gently grabbed my elbow and, with a softness I couldn’t imagine ever coming from him, he pulled me in for a hug. “Billy, y-you’re gonna get wet-”

“Jesus, I don’t care. C’mon, let me take care of you. We’re lucky my parents are gone.”

***

After gently taking out the shard in my foot with a tweezer, and asking Max for her tweezer in the first place, he gave me some medical alcohol, ointments, bandages and wraps to use after a shower. He even gave me a new wrist cast, which I’d have to ask later why he has it. He left me another one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers while he let me take a shower. When I got out, he was wearing a t-shirt and boxers. There were too white mugs and chocolate chip cookies on the coffee table as well as a mountain of VHS tapes. He was wrapped in a red blanket and his foot tapped anxiously on the wooden ground. This is new… certainly not unwelcome but new.

“Uhm, thank you…”

His head snapped in my direction at the sound of my voice.

“Did you walk here?”

“Oh- uh, yeah… more so limp but yeah…”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, what's going on? Who did this to you? I’ve never seen you cry like that, it… it hurt and I got really scared for you… are you okay?” His eyes were always so pretty to me. How the blue could tell so much about him, what he was feeling, thinking. I could see so much truth to his words, so much concern.

Sighing, I bite the bullet. Its stupid, but I really trusted Billy. “My mom has been like this since I was ten…” I train my eyes to the ground. The pattern of the wood was far less horrific than those gorgeous azure eyes. “Ever since my biological dad left, she just…changed. She likes to drink. All her money goes to that. I basically hold up everything rent wise and financially… I want to forget her tonight, please. I’ve been so scared and… and tired for so long. I feel strange and stupid for telling you this but its not like I have many friends or anyone you can tell that would ruin my life so fuck it… I really just don't wanna think about her… okay?”

The silence after my words is what motivated me to gather the courage to meet his eyes. Pursed lips and a sigh, Billy looks back at me. “Yeah. Okay, whatever you need, shortcake.”

I give a curt nod, “Thank you,” I sniffle and look at the table, “What’s all this?”

“Oh, well, I asked Max for some of her VHS tapes and she made cookies with Susan before she left this morning so… I thought… maybe, these would make you feel better? And I made her swear to keep this a secret and not tell any of her little shit friends.” His cheeks actually turn a shade of red and I let out a giggle as I sit beside him. He tosses the blanket over my head. “Don’t laugh at me, I’m trying to be nice!”

“Okay, okay!” I pick up the VHS tapes and shuffle through them. The Shining, Nightmare on Elm Street, Carrie, The Breakfast Club, The Outsiders…

“Lets watch Nightmare on Elm Street…Johnny Depp is pretty…” I giggled and bit my bottom lip.

“Wow, okay, am I not?” with a faux hurt expression, he lifted a hand to his chest and smirked.

Rolling my eyes, “That’s not what I said…”

Raising a brow, “So, you’re saying I’m pretty?”

“Yes, Billy Hargrove. You are a beautiful man.”

His smirk shifts into a soft smile, “Thank you, you’re beautiful yourself, babe.”

New nickname, adding that to my list of favorites.

“Thank you. Seriously.” I hand him the VHS to put on and lean back. I pull the blanket to cover my bruised stretch marks. “I would’ve called before coming but… y’know.”

He places a hand on my cheek. “You and I… are more alike than you think, sugar. No matter how awful you think I am… I will always care about you. I know I’m an asshole but… you kind of changed my life with all these marks and trouble. You’re… you’re my favorite type of trouble.”

It was like my insides were melting and I swallowed hard, my heartbeat speeding up. “Really?”

His thumb brushes against my cheek as he nods. “Absolutely.”

“That’s… really cheesy,” I giggle, embarrassed, “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think it was sweet. You’re my favorite trouble, too, Billy.”

A brief moment of silence as he looked down to my lips. It was like time stopped and I swallowed my heart. “Can I kiss you, sugar?”

Briefly, my eyes widen before whispering, “Please…”

His lips touch mine instantly, they are soft but urgent. Slipping his tongue past my lips, I feel my body erupt into flames. I place my hands on his thighs and I hear him drop the VHS before he puts both hands on my cheeks. He was so warm, so soft, yet his kiss was so needy and deeply affectionate. My broken wrist remains on his thigh but my other hand moves to run my fingers into the back of his hair, gripping gently. He groans and I swear, I felt my heart stop. That's when he pulled away and I caught a glimpse of his glazed eyes and slicken lips.

“I could do that everyday, for the rest of time…” he muttered. I couldn’t tell if he was speaking to me but I didn’t care. I could hardly focus on anything but the sweltering joy growing in the very pit of my stomach.

Our moment is interrupted by a small voice clearing their throat. I drop my hand to my lap. We look over to see Max with a smirk on her face, red hair pulled into braids. “I knew you liked her, you idiot!”

“Get out!” He grumbled.

She simply laughed, unphased, “No, no. Thank you, now Dustin owes me fifteen dollars!” She runs to her room, presumably to grab that darn walky talky.

With a small smile, I raised a questioning brow and scrunched my nose. “You like me?”

Rolling his eyes, he picks up the VHS and moves to put the movie on. “No… yes. I don’t know…” He plopped back on the sofa. “C-can we just watch the movie …?” Oh, how I love to make him blush and stutter….

I giggled and intertwined my fingers with his. “If it's any consolation, I like you. I like you a lot, Billy Hargrove.”

His blue eyes brimming with adoration. He nods, enthusiastically. “Okay… yeah. I like you a whole lot….”

vi. - billy pov

Y/N went back home the next day. It had been four weeks since that night and I still haven’t kissed her again. I’ve been afraid to touch her lips again. I know she said she likes me. But I also know I’m not good enough for her. I only just started to be nicer to Max. I only just started to try. So, I went back to pushing her away.

But the night was young and I already found myself covered in bruises and blood seeped through my shirt. Although the weather was cold, there was a thin line of sweat covering my skin as I drove down the streets to the one person in the world who didn’t make me feel like shit. The one person who made me feel like I meant something. The night was filled with bloody fists, tears and screaming matches. But she was full of love, care and a gentleness that I could never get at home.

As I park out her house, I see her light is the only one on.

With a deep breath, I climb the tree in front of her window and peer into her room. She’s lying on the bed under the covers, a book in her hands. I purse my lips and knock on her window softly. Her head turns toward the window. slightly startled, her expression instantly fills with concern and that damn look she always gives me that always makes me feel warm. She pulls the covers off and instantly rushes to the window, I instantly notice something. She’s wearing my shirt.

She always looks so good in my shirts, god, she drives me crazy.

She slides the window up and I meet her eyes. “Billy, what-what are you doing here?!”

“Uh, if you let me in, I’ll explain everything…” She nods, shifting over to the side to let me in.

I climb into her room and sit on her bed, the creaking of the window shutting numbed out in my numerous chaotic thoughts. Suddenly, she’s beside me, running her fingers through my curls and placing her now healed hand on my thigh. “Talk to me, Billy. What’s wrong? I’ve never seen you cry…”

Biting my bottom lip, I briefly muster the balls to meet her eyes before looking back at her carpet. “Remember when you came to my house at two in the morning?” She nods. “Remember when I said we were alike?”

You and I… are more alike than you think, sugar.

She nods, warily.

“My dad… he punishes me. Harshly. He… he does it a lot but tonight, I guess I really got on his nerves. He blamed me for my mom leaving and kicked me out the house. I know I’ve been a piece of shit lately but with all these feelings I have for you and the shit my dad says… I can’t find it in me to put you through all my bullshit. But here I am… I don’t fucking know, I can’t stay away from you… I’m sorry. You’re… all I got, sugar.” My eyes filled with tears once again, the millionth time of the night. Her fingers reach up to wipe my tears and I lean into the warmth of her hand.

“It's not your fault.” She simply states. Not a second of hesitation, not an ounce of doubt.

“What?”

“Your mother leaving, Hargrove. That's not your fault. And as for us? We’re fine, just don’t ignore me. It’s not up to you whether I ‘deal with your shit’ and don't talk about yourself like that. You’re fucking incredible. I like you for a reason, dummy. Anyway, you're safe here. I’ll take care of you.” I look up when she stands and walks toward her door. I almost whined thinking she was leaving, but she locks the door and walks back toward me.

“Jacket and pants off, c’mon, time for bed.” I laugh, dryly, her determination to take care of me making my heart palpitate. I begin to undress, uncomfortably in my bruised state and she reaches in her bedside drawer and pulls out a first aid kit. “Lie down.”

I do as the lady says and lie flat like a starfish in the center of her bed. She sits beside me and opens the kit, beginning to treat me. I take it as an opportunity to admire her features. From her hair to her lips to my shirt on her body. She smelled wonderful. Like a dewy spring morning. Her lips looked shiny after her tongue swiped across them. She finishes and brushes a few stray strands of hair out of my face. “I really do like you, Billy. Don’t leave me in the dark like that ever again, okay?”

I nod. At this moment, as I look at her face, I realize I’d do anything she asks. “Whatever you want, babe.”

She shut the light off and slipped under the covers, I followed suit. There was a brief pause of comfortable silence. Till I got to thinking. I never felt such an intense feeling, relationship, trust, experience. She was an acid trip. She was peace. She was heaven and she was chaos. She was everything and I was set on living for my everything. It was at this moment I realized why I had felt so protective, so needy for her attention, so caring, careful and intrigued, so pliable and submissive to her every whim.

I had fallen in love.

This wasn’t good. The moment I realized it, it was like it was fighting to get out. Like it needed to get out before it grew more and broke my heart. She’d leave me, just like my mother.

But the voices, the doubt, it didn’t matter when I felt her shit beside me and her voice relaxed me like melatonin or a cup of tea in the morning. I was more of a beer and party at night but god, I could get behind this feeling. This indescribable high she had me set on. I was absolutely in love with her. I adored her. I was enamored. Max was right. It pissed me off beyond words… but holy shit, Max was absolutely right. I was head over heels and it was fucking terrifying.

“Are you okay, Billy? Do you need anything? Water? Food? Maybe clothes? I could steal some of my stepdads clothes… or you could wear some of my oversized stuff-”

“I’m good, princess. Thank you. I just… I really need to tell you something.” It was gonna come out. It had to. It had to or I was going to explode. I roll over to face her, only to find that she was already facing me. Even in the dark, I could trace her features. It was committed to memory. Imprinted in his mind. I certainly didn’t hate it. “Y/N. Don’t laugh. Okay? If you laugh, I’ll leave and sleep in my car.”

She nods. “Okay, Billy, just spit it out!”

“Fine. I-I… I love you. Like… love-love you. Like I wanna kiss you and hold you and hold your hand. I wanna… maybe… I don’t know, get married one day and live far, far away together. All by ourselves, happily alone…”

It was quiet. From what I could see in the dark, under the streak of moonlight hitting her just right, she was shocked. Her bottom lip pulled under her teeth. “I love you, too. I want all of that and more, Billy… but you can’t ignore me. Okay? Talk to me… I just wanna be there with you. For you.”

I have never smiled that big since I was kid, surfing in the waves with mom.

“Run away with me.” My voice was soft as I stared mindlessly at her lips.

“Billy…” She sounded cynical as she shook her head.

“C’mon. We both hate this town!” I place a hand on her hip.

“Think about what's here, though. Max. School. My best friend. Billy, be logical!” She was always so smart. So careful and meticulous. But I wasn’t having it. We could worry about the details and kinks later. For now. I just wanted to convince her to get away with me.

“I am! We’ll leave after graduation. I’ll save up money to get us someplace nice far away. Maybe back to Cali or we can even go to New York. I’ll go wherever, as long as it’s with you. So they can never touch us again, okay? Never again.”

Another beat of silence.

“Fuck… fine! Okay!” I celebrate with a mouthed ‘yes’ and a fist to the air, she rolls her eyes. “I hate the effect you have on me, Billy Hargrove.”

“Oh please! Get over here…” I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into me and smothering my face in her hair, taking a whiff of the scent and smiling brightly. I pull back to place my lips on hers, gently. Reveling in the feeling of her lips on mine again after far too long. “I love you so much.”

Sure, we can just be dumb teenagers with stupid plans.

“I love you more.”

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t okay with that. Especially not when the cold wind of Hawkins kisses my skin as it brushes through the small crack in the window and I doze off, holding my love in my arms.

Never Again

the five times he saw you with bruises and the one time you saw him with bruises.

pairing: billy hargrove x thicc!reader (f)

word count 8.9k

note: reader has thick thighs and stretch marks, i'd rather jump off a bridge than write about characters with "perfect bodies" ew. also im chubby and i dont remember what it was like to be skinny. ok ms thiccums. also readers birthday is in winter shh. this is sort of an au where billy got left back a year and he still works at pool, steves at record store and billys alive. billys a little bit ooc but who cares lmao

playlist. moodboard. masterlist.

warnings!: abuse!, domestic abuse, violence, sexual assault mentioned, mention of ro*fie/date drug, assault, fighting, bullying, depression, loneliness, anxiety, a LOT of swearing/cursing, making out (?) etc... fluff, comfort, angst.

i. - yn pov

The cold wind kissed my skin as I stepped off the dingy school bus and toward Hawkins High. My backpack slung over my shoulder as I tug on my flannels sleeves and fidget with anxiety, walking through, past the other students that seemed to enjoy loitering. Another miserable day in hell. My combat boots smack the concrete as I enter the building, escaping from the chilly temperature into the stuffy halls and heading straight for my locker. I grab my notebook to place it in my backpack and put away my winter coat. Having earbuds in, I don’t hear the obnoxious smacking of gum and tapping of tacky flats coming toward me. Not till her hand pushes me toward the wall. One of my headphones was knocked out.

“I’m talking to you, new girl!” The voice was impossible to not recognize. Turning around to make eye contact and confirm my theory, I send a distasteful glare to Carol.

“And yet, I can’t seem to give a fuck.” I was never one to let popular kids knock me around. Seemingly everyone bullies and annoys me with ease, but I always defend myself. I only don’t speak when their whole purpose is to get a rise out of me.

Her expression changes from annoyed to offense and fury. “Listen, slut. Either you explain why you stole my bracelet and give it back or I will fuck you up.”

Raising a brow I looked down at my wrist where I had my grandmother's silver bracelet wrapped around and chuckled at the insane accusation. “This is my grandma’s, dumbass. I didn’t take your stupid fucking bracelet.”

“I beg to fucking differ, it’s one of a kind!” She yells, catching the attention of other passerbys in the hills. Suddenly I’m filled with rage as she raises her voice at me.

“Clearly not. I’m not dealing with this right now, it’s too early.” I go to walk away and escape the conversation when suddenly she grabs and tugs my arm. I land on the ground, hard, on my back.

“Nuh-uh, not till you give it back!” She straddles me, holding my hands down with her knees and starts throwing punches. “Give it back!”

How do I give it “back” if you’re holding me down, dumbass!

This was ridiculous. I was almost embarrassed for the girl. She actually threw punches… over a bracelet. It all happened so fast. My eye burned and my face was sore and my lip was stinging. Then someone came behind Carol and pulled her off of me. My face was warm and I took deep breaths. I could feel blood dripping out of my nose and my lip was busted. I swallow hard and taste blood on my tongue before rising to sit up. My vision was blurry but I could see a shape of what seemed to be Tommy pulling Carol away, the yelling reverberating in my ears. Behind me I feel someone place an arm on my back and under my knees, lifting me and carrying me toward the nurses office.

I try to see who lifted me but as we pass the bright lights in the halls, my eyes get irritated and I shut them quickly. The person is warm and I feel denim gently scraping my arm. I don’t need to wonder for long as I hear his voice. “Jesus, L/N. It’s not even twelve yet and you already got a beating?”

“Shut up, Hargrove.” My voice is so weak it surprises me. His name is even more bitter than the blood on my tongue.

“It’s almost a new record. Not one to be proud of. But it's something, sugar.”

Billy Hargrove and I constantly bickered. I hated him and he hated me but not enough to not want to get in my pants. We were often associated as his stupid friends frequently beat me to hell and he beat my guy friends. I envy him. Everyone absolutely adores him. I can pretend I don’t care about being liked but deep down, there's this irritating desire to be loved. But someone, anyone. The fear that if my own mother doesn’t love me, why would anyone else?

Billy was perfect. He was attractive, fit, and the Hawkins High king. He hardly even needed to try. And me? I was the nobody.

I hated him for it.

“I’d rather you left me on the floor, Billy!” When I wiggle to try and escape his arms, his grip only gets tighter.

He scoffs as he opens the nurse’s office door with his foot. “Don’t be so dramatic, shortcake.”

I’m sitting on a medical cot as I hear the clicking of the nurse’s heels rushing toward me. “Oh my- what happened, hun?”

I assumed Billy left the room as I explained I was in a fight to Nurse Jen. Why would he stay? But after the teacher cleaned my eyes and I was able to blink them open, I see him sitting there across the room, watching with crossed arms and a brooding stare as the nurse dabbed at my bruises. I raise a brow at him and he only sends a sly grin in response. When the nurse finishes up with my bruises and busted lip, she looks up at me with soft brown eyes. “Can you have someone drive you home?”

“I’ll take her home,” She and I turned to Billy as he spoke. “Still live out of town?”

I nod softly, surprised he remembered that from the party a few months ago that my best friend dragged me to. He had to drive me home and dropped me off after someone tried to roofie me. As I said, this school is hell.

The nurse nods, grabbing my hand and helping pull me up. At first, it was like it all rushed to my head, the world began to spin, blurring slightly. It cleared quickly and I stumbled slightly. Billy rushes forward to grab my arms and hold me up. Surprisingly, his expression is filled with genuine concern. “Alright, c’mon, L/N.” He lifts me up just as he did before and carries me out to the car. The nurse left me with an ice pack for my head and packet of bandaids. What the fuck do I do with this? Billy sets me down in the passenger seat of his camaro. He begins driving after a heavy sigh. Who would’ve thought I’d wake up, go to school, get my ass kicked, and then get driven home by Billy Hargrove. I giggle childishly at the thought while staring out the window. “What’re you laughing at, sugar?”

“This is… not at all what I expected from my day…” I shake my head and frown. “Billy Hargrove, the man who hates me for everything but my tits, driving me home.”

He scoffs, “Is that how you think of me? Really?”

I nod fervently, wincing as it hurt my jaw. “Absolutely.”

He’s silent. Just for a moment. “Jesus, that’s… a low point of view.”

“Well, you never really treated me with a high regard… not till this moment and that party a few weeks ago. You aren’t really that nice to me. You’re just snarky and pervy.” I continue to mumble under my breath about how everyone is always mean to me but Billy isn’t listening after what I said about him.

He stares blankly to the road before him as he drives. The radio buzzing silently and I purse my busted lips as I look over to him. His gaze is concentrated and pensive. “I’m not that shitty of a person, Y/N.”

I swallow hard. “Sure.”

“I’m not!” He seemed genuinely angry, sincerely aggravated. “I have fuckin’ morals.”

“Then quit whining and act like it.” I huff, leaning to look out the window. He grunts, choosing to keep quiet and ignore me.

The rest of the car ride is silent. One hour of complete silence, other than the light sound of Metallica playing on the radio. I dozed off but every time I’d feel my eyes close, Billy shoved me, mumbling something about “concussions.”

Pulling up to my house, I rush to get out but Billy darts to my side of the car. “What’re you doing?” I say, shocked.

“You can hardly walk, sugar. I’m helping you get inside safely.” His tone is sarcastic but intentions are pure. I would roll my eyes if they didn’t hurt so much.

I let him help walk me inside my house. My parents were at work and I’m secretly grateful for Billy driving me. My mother would’ve screamed at me for making her drive all the way back and maybe even done worse. As I sit on my mattress, I look to Billy who helped me up the stairs, through the pavement and drove me from school and finally I gathered the courage. “Billy…” He looks into my eyes after finding pain relievers in my drawer and placing them on my bedside table. His blue eyes were hypnotizing and I finally understood why all the girls fawned over him. “Thank you. You don’t understand how much you just helped me.” I give him a small, warm smile.

His gaze flips between my eyes and lips before he takes a deep breath, “Don’t thank me, sweetheart, it’s the least I can do. Lemme go get you some water. You got any snacks or pajamas I can bring you so you don’t have to get up too much?”

I nod carefully. Billy was being soft. He was gentle and kind. I guess he’s trying to show his morals like I suggested. “In the drawer, top shelf is my jammies, there's chips in the kitchen. I-I’m only allowed to eat the potato chips, though…”

He nods, not asking too much. He grabs the pajamas from my drawer, a large t-shirt that I stole from my ex, and sweatpants. He laid it on the bed and left for the water and chips. Quickly, I got dressed and tucked myself under the blankets. Billy was quick, walking into my room with a bag of chips and a glass of water. He placed it on the bedside table and I quickly took the pain relievers with a large gulp of water. He looks around my room, his eyes landing on a book, journal and pencil on the desk in the corner of my room. He grabs them and places them beside me. “Do some reading and drawing or something and get some rest in like two hours.You don’t wanna get a concussion, trust me.”

I laugh, dryly. “Thank you, Hargrove.”

“When do your parents get back?”

“Uh, depends. My dad comes back around nine and my mom… My mom varies. It could be six on a good day or midnight on a bad day.” I sigh, grasping the book before opening to where I left off.

His brows furrowed and I saw the expression on his face shift as he tried to decide whether he should ask questions or not. He chooses not. “Okay… make sure not to get into trouble? See you around, sugar.” He ruffled my hair and just like that, he left.

ii. - yn pov

I didn’t want to come to this party but my best and only friend Rachel had forced me here. Well, more so, threatened to leave me home alone with my mother. So there I stood, next to a bowl of spiked punch, as people sent judgemental glances my way. I was completely fine minding my own business, till a pretty girl with a ponytail so tight it practically pulled her hairline out. I recognized her as… Natalie? Nicole? One of those for sure… “You’re the new girl, right? The one who stole Carol's bracelet?” Her speech was slurred and she seemingly was clueless to the concept of personal space.

“I’m new but I didn’t steal Carol's bracelet. If she told you otherwise then she’s a lying, delusional bitch.” Okay, maybe it was harsh. However I couldn't find it in me to care at the moment. I wanted to go to sleep.

She snarled her red lips and with a bitter tone, “Well, that ‘b-word’ is my friend so watch what you say, freak. What are you even doing here? I didn’t know they were inviting losers?”

With a sarcastic smile, I cross my arms, “Aw! Well, duh! That's why they invited you, silly!”

She gasps before clenching her teeth, “At least I’m not a virgin with no freaking friends.”

It was so easy to piss these people off, I didn’t need to put in the effort of getting physical. But I was so very tired and restless, I wasn’t in the mood frankly. I just grabbed her pretty and oh so perfect blonde ponytail and dumped her head in the spiked punch bowl. When she pulled back, she wiped the punch out her eyes and screeched. “Whore!” Huh, so she can curse.

“But I thought I was a virgin?” I send a snarky smile to the brat. Bad idea.

She tackled me and pathetically smacked me while straddling me. It wasn't as bad as Carol, however I still had some bruises staining my skin, so it hurt. And this time, I had my hands to cover me. It wasn’t enough though as she smacked me harder and harder. The crowd just chanted “fight, fight, fight” before someone finally pulled the rabid beast off me. I sighed heavily before trudging out the door.

My thoughts race. I’d rather walk home than stay there a second later. I don’t care if my house is twenty minutes away by car and forty walking. Rachel can yell at me in the morning, I don’t care.

But just as I make it to a street corner after fifteen minutes of walking, I notice a light shining behind me. The street has been empty since I first started walking so, out of curiosity, I turned to check who it may be.

“Oh my god.” I rolled my eyes as I noticed the familiar camaro driving toward me. “Do you just have a sixth sense or something?”

“Another beating, Y/N? Jesus, that's two in under a month, what happened?” Billy leans his head out the car. The street corner was getting cold so I stuck my head in the car to sneak some warmth.

“Well, Nicole was being disrespectful so I shoved her face in a bowl of punch and she decided to assault me. Plain and simple, Hargrove. Care to give me another ride home, please? I really don’t wanna walk in heels and bruises.” I pout, slight playful flirtation in my eyes as he rolls his and tilts his head to motion me to hop in.

I giggled at the music choice. “What's funny?”

“You’re playing metallica again, it’s like fuckin’ deja vu.”

He laughs, shaking his head, “I can’t believe you can laugh when you look like you’ve been fucking run over. You get into too many fights. I’m being serious, it’s reckless and dangerous, sugar. You gotta stop.” He scolds me like a child.

I huff, sarcastically, “Okay, dad. Since when did you give a fuck what I do? Figured you couldn't care less.”

“Like I said last time, I got morals. If I see someone who doesn’t deserve a beating all bruised up, it's pretty upsetting, shortcake.”

I laugh, sarcastically. “Well, you’re surely getting better at showing it. Seriously, do you think carrying my bag for me to two classes is gonna make me think you have morals? Or saying bless you when I sneeze? That's just manners, Hargrove, I’m concerned you just started saying bless you and thank you to people. It's basic respect.”

He stops, rather aggressively, in the middle of the empty road. “Don’t you talk to me about respect like you’re my fucking father. You can't seem to avoid getting your ass kicked, what are you a child? Desperate for attention? A masochist? What? What's wrong with you that you so desperately need to get assaulted every day? Mommy not giving you enough attention at home?”

That felt like a slap across the face. Especially since my mother couldn’t care less if someone hit me. She’d fully support it. The comment made my eyes water, every word leading me closer and closer to the tears that started rolling down my rosy and bruised cheeks. His angry expressions alter to one of shock and perhaps even a flash of guilt. He opened his mouth to speak but he was speechless as I cried silently beside him. “Fuck you, Hargrove.”

He bit his pursed lip and started driving again. It was quiet for a bit till he gathered his courage to speak again. “Listen… that… that wasn't cool of me. I’m-I am… sorry. That was fucked up. I shouldn’t have said that. I just-I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t know why. It really fucking bothers me though.”

The word sorry sounded like he choked just trying to get it out. He was so clearly not used to apologizing however I couldn’t find it in me to care. He tried. And it seemed genuine. That impressed me more than I could imagine. “Just… take me home please.”

The rest of the drive is silent till he’s pulling over in front of my house again. I catch my breath and wipe my tears as Billy hops out and walks to the passenger seat, opening the door for me. It was chivalrous and honestly surprising. I looked at him with a questioning gaze as he walked me to my door. Mentally, I celebrated being able to walk, unlike last time. “Hey, I was wondering … that shirt you wore last time? Where did you get it from? It looked familiar.”

I raise a brow at his question. “Uh, its my ex boyfriend’s. I never threw it out and he never picked it up so I just… kept it? I guess.”

He hums. “Here…” He pulls his denim jacket off and hands it to me before tugging his white shirt off and swapping that for the denim jacket. “Wear that… It’s really weird to wear your ex’s clothing. Creepy.” I can see him visibly gulp.

“Yeah?” With a lopsided grin on my face, I look down at the white t-shirt in my hands. Then I met his hypnotizing blue eyes once more. They were filled with something indescribable. Something different from the usual lust, gloom and humor that filled them. Something I didn’t quite understand yet. “You’re really confusing, Billy Hargrove.”

He laughs. It was a nice laugh too, I'll admit. Still hate him though, definitely. Definitely hate him, Mhm. “Tell me about it, Y/N L/N.” He raises both brows, looking between my eyes then my lips before walking backwards. “See ya’ round, shortcake. I gotta go find my sister, stay out of trouble, please.”

“See ya’.” There's a part of me that celebrates seeing him go, then some forbidden, sadistic, masochistic part if me cries deep down and begs him to come back mentally. “Asshole.”

iii. - third pov

Billy started acting weird.

Whenever Y/N passed him in the hall, he ignored her.

No snarky remarks or flirtatious lines. He stopped being cruel to his sister, he waited more patiently for her after school. He was using manners with teachers and other students and actually showed up for class. He was doing better in school in general and he showed up on time. She’d find him watching her when she’d look up to find who was burning a gaze into her flesh. It was always him. But when she tried to speak to him, he gave one word answers and walked away claiming he had something to do.

You’re really confusing, Billy Hargrove.

Tell me about it.

He’s playing with my feelings. Her thoughts race. Except there are no feelings, I definitely hate him. Right? So why does it hurt when he ignores me? When he passes without a word or a glance. Why did it give me butterflies when I caught him looking at me or how, not so discreetly, looked over in the morning to see if I got off the bus before going in just to know if I was around. What would he do if I wasn’t? Why did I want to know? Was it so strange to miss our dynamic? Our banter?

Nonetheless, she continued her life as usual. Weekdays were school till three, work at the arcade till six, taking the bus home, shower, sleep. Weekends were work from seven to three, taking the bus home, yoga, shower, study, sleep. She only had about one or two friends, so there wasn’t much “hanging out” squeezed in. Except there was a disruption in her schedule on this particular day. Saturday. Noon. In front of the arcade, Max is sitting beside Y/N with a deep frown on her lips.

Max came in at her usual eleven in the morning and all went smoothly till some grown man came and gave her trouble for “hogging” the machine. So, in an attempt to defend her, Y/N walked up and asked him to leave. Which resulted in a bruised cheekbone, split lip and broken wrist. Now they sit on the curb, waiting for Max’s brother to pick her up so Y/N can go to the hospital and receive treatment.

“Are you sure Billy will take me? He didn’t seem too happy last time he saw me all bruised up…”

His words imprinted in her memory, joined by those blue eyes that filled with concern. If I see someone who doesn’t deserve a beating all bruised up, it's pretty upsetting, shortcake.

“Last time?” The redhead's eyebrow quirks.

“Yeah, he gave me a ride once… twice. Whatever, just… are you sure he won't be mad?” Worry lacing her tone.

“It’ll be fine, Y/N/N,” She takes a pause, placing a hand on Y/N’s knee. “And who cares what that asshole thinks anyway?”

The older girl releases a small laugh, “Yeah, who cares…” She did. She cared too much. She didn’t know when it happened or how. She couldn’t even admit to herself that it had. But she grew fond of the blond curlyhead casanova.

“And also… I didn’t get to say thank you. No one really defends me like that… You looked really badass, at least.” Max giggles.

With a pained smile, “No problem, kiddo. I can’t believe he broke my wrist, though, that's still so crazy to me.”

“Yeah, that was crazy. Hey, your eyeliner is still intact?” The statement was more of a question as she questionably clung onto whatever she had in mind to cheer Y/N up.

The pair giggle till the familiar rumble of Billy’s camaro can be heard speeding toward the arcade. It skids to a stop and Billy comes rushing out the car toward the duo, who stood quickly. “What the fuck happened, Y/N? Didn’t I tell you to be careful?”

“Hard to remember what you said when you haven’t even acknowledged me till this moment.”

“Sweetheart, It's hard to not acknowledge such a hot chick so don’t spout such bullshit. No what the fuck is going on with your wrist?” He goes to grab her wrist but she yelps in pain and he pulls back quickly, his previously flirtatious expression filled with genuine concern.

“The dude broke it…” She had broken wrists before. He had broken legs, ribs, jaw, arms, feet, fingers. She’s had numerous broken bones, fractures, sprains. She wasn’t too panicked about the wrist. But the pain never felt nice.

His eyes flash back to hers, anger spirling her new favorite shade of blue, “Dude? A fucking guy did it? Is he still here?”

“No, he… he left.” She looks him up and down. He was wearing a red button up and she could see a peak of his chest. His cheeks flushed red in anger, and Max? She was thriving. She hasn’t felt so joyous in years. Suddenly it all made sense. Why Billy was so nice, so respectful, so much… happier?

Her.

“Okay… let’s go. I gotta get you to a hospital.”

Max sat in the back and her bright blue eyes flicked between the two sat in the front. Curious and intrigued, she hung on every second.

“Do you have an addiction to getting your ass kicked?”

“I guess so.”

More silence.

He looks at her and then back to the road. Then he takes a double take. “You look good in my shirt, by the way.”

It was then she realized she was wearing the very shirt he gave her off his back the last time they actually spoke. “Thanks.”

Max covered her mouth to disguise her smile.

Billy actually likes someone? And it's Y/N?!

“Y’know… I’m probably gonna get fired. I’m really gonna need a new job. Actually, to be honest… I pay the majority of the rent at my house… My mom… she doesn’t really…” Y/N clears her throat as she chokes a sob that threatens to leave her with teary eyes. “She doesn’t really pay rent. She works but… not for rent.” She wipes her face with her unbroken wrist. Then wiping the tears on her jeans.

Billy could feel his heart drop at the sound of her broken voice. “I’ll help you get a job. I promise. I’ll see if you can work at the pool with me or maybe I could get Harrington to let you work at the record store. I will help get you a job.”

She let out an exhale and a laugh, “Did you know the first day where you found me all bruised up in December… It was my birthday. I turned eighteen. No one said anything. Except for Max and my best friend. My own mother forgot. Or she just didn’t care.”

She was staring blankly at the road. All Billy could get out was a weak apology as he reached over to grasp her unbroken hand. Max beamed.

As they parked in front of the hospital, Y/N stepped out. “You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Max thought her cheeks were gonna break by how wide her smile became. He’s worried, how cute.

“I’m fine, Hargrove. Now, just… I’ll see you Monday, okay? Don’t… don’t ignore me?”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“You made a lot of promises today, hope you mean 'em’.” She smiled and walked into the emergency room. Max quickly ran out of the car to switch to the front seat and buckled in with a massive grin on her face and a “I-know-your-secrets” glare in her eyes.

“Oh god, what now, Max?”

“So… In love with Y/N, are we?” She smirked, tilting her head. “No wonder you’re so nice.”

He scrunched his face in mock disgust. “What? No! She’s just- We’re just kind of… friends now, I guess. It’s platonic.”

“Really? You held her hand and Oh Y/N I’ll get you a job, I promise, I’ll protect you, My princess, where is she? I care so much about you! Oh! I love you so much-” Her mocking tone and giggling was cut short as Billy suddenly stepped on the gas suddenly. Her laughing only intensifies.

“Shut up! It’s not like that. She’s just… Okay, I never met anyone as incredible or strong and unpredictable. She is the funniest, smartest yet somehow densest person I know and I don’t know if I wanna scream or kiss her but she’s the strongest most fucking irresistable woman I know and I have to stay away from her or else I get all these… emotions… I guess, that I can’t fucking deal with, okay? But it’s just… temporary. We’re platonic!” He just sounded like a contradicting machine that wanted to convince itself of a lie.

Max grinned one last time. “Sure, Billy, sure.”

iv. - third pov

Max’s joy only lasted a week.

Billy made an effort to speak to her but everytime he grew awkward. It was unfamiliar to him. And Y/N? Max hardly recognizes her. Her wrist was covered in a white cast with blue wrapping and the bruises she received at the arcade were healing well. But she was limping. She was covering her face. She was wearing long sleeves, even though it was now March and the weather was warming. It worried Max. Poor girl didn’t know what to do. So she went to Billy. Told him her concerns.

“What do you mean limping?“

“Limping! What else does it mean?” Even in serious conversations, her sarcasm never failed. “It’s been really warm lately and she still wears that black hoodie and sweatpants. She’s hot cause she always asks for the air conditioner so I don’t know why she doesn’t just take it off unless…”

“Don’t…”His heart kicked up, “You think… you think more bruises?”

“Yeah or she did something herself….” She frowns in concern. Shaking his head, thoughts filling with the worst of the worst, he begnis marching down the halls, searching for his shortcake.

He bumps into Carol who squeaks like a mouse and stumbles. “Billy, what the fuck?”

“Have you seen Y/N?” He was frantic.

“Who-?”

“Y/N! Have you seen Y/N!” Carol was startled till an expression of realization overtook her features.

“Oh! New girl?” She shook her head, “No, I haven’t seen her today-“

“Then you’re useless. And she’s not even fucking new, she’s been in this school longer than me, Catherine.” He rolls his eyes and begins walking once again.

“It’s Carol-“

He walked completely off, effectively cutting her off and sending a simple message. You’re irrelevant.

Finally catching a glimpse of a girl in a black hoodie and sweatpants, he grips her shoulder and tugs her into the nearest supply closet. “Take off your hoodie.”

“Woah, I know you’re a horny bastard, Hargrove but at least ask me to dinner first-” She chuckles, rolling her shoulders.

“I’m not kidding, Y/N. Take off your hoodie or explain.” His expression was stern in the dimly lit closet.

Silence. It was then they noticed the closed space, they were so close that one inch forward and their noses would touch. She could explore his blue eyes and well defined facial structure, the spiral of his curls and count his freckles and he could sink in her eyes and imagine the taste of her lips. God, he can’t stop staring at her lips. But he grasped her chin and tilted her head side to side to observe a few new fade bruises, she smacked his hand. She stares at him with a blank expression. “There's just… it’s just… more bruises. Nothing serious.”

Scoffing, “From who?”

Shaking her head. This one was different. She couldn’t tell him who did this one. “Billy, I’m not comfortable talking about this right now. Okay? It's really personal and I-I just want to get through the day so I can go to sleep. Even if everyday on the bus home is like a sentence to hell…” She mumbled the last sentence, raising her able hand to brush a strand behind her ear.

“Why? What's at home?”

“Nothing… just my mom and I never really got along well. It's nothing bad, just frustrating.” His eyes had not looked at hers since the silence. His eyes have been trained to her lips. Watching her form every syllable. “You know, I got eyes you can look at, too, right?” She smirked.

“I-I am looking at your eyes, you just can’t tell 'cause it's dark.” His eyes flick to hers.

“If we’re calling my lips my eyes then sure!” She tilts her head playfully. The air in the small closet was tight and hotter and hotter by the second.

He smirked, “Well, about taking your hoodie off…” His hands tug on her collar to push her body closer to his. She scoffs and pushes him to the wall.

“In your dreams, Hargrove.” She walks out the enclosed space but Billy follows close behind.

“I’m just saying, if all this time I just had to take you to dinner, I would’ve done it long ago!” He walks side by side with her. “No, but seriously, if it's personal then that's okay. I understand, just, y’know Max told me who broke your wrist and now he has a concussion so…”

She stops abruptly and turns to him. “What?”

“I figured out it was Bryce Turner so I found him at his job and knocked him out, no big deal,” He shrugs, “He hurt you, that's not right.”

She looks at him, entirely suspicious. “What the hell changed? You see me bruised up once or twice and suddenly you care about me as a person? Suddenly you defend me? What the hell, Billy?”

He exhales, heavily, glancing around the halls. “Can we not talk about this here? It’s really not that serious, I just know how it feels to take a beating, I’ve been in a few fights myself if you can’t tell.”

Shaking her head, “No, a few months ago, you couldn’t fucking stand me. You only bared my presence to get a chance to fuck me. So, is this just a trick? This is all an act, this new you? Is it real? Or is this an elaborate plan to fuck me, Billy? Because I’m sick of everyone in my life using me.”

He opened his mouth to speak but he didn’t know how to tell her. He couldn’t tell her. He shakes his head, “I’m not trying to use you, it’s… it’s unrelated. I promise. I’m sorry I made you feel that way, though.”

Sharing blank stares, she bites her lip. “Another promise, hm?” He bows his head. “See ya’, Billy.”

She wanders off from him, off to her next class. He’s left alone in a crowded hallway, heart sunk to his stomach and a new anxiety he didn’t appreciate.

v. - yn pov

Sobbing uncontrollably on a Sunday night, walking in the rain to Billy Hargrove’s house at two in the morning was not my ideal experience. But my life never went according to plan.

The cut on my lip down my chin and bleeding nose was evidence enough, let alone the numerous fresh black and blue marks covering my cheeks and body. A solid handprint outlined in red on my wrist when she yanked me toward the front door. My tailbone still ached from when I fell ass first into the pavement. She screams demanding me to leave “her” house, even though I pay the majority of the rent.

My ribs were healing well from the last time she hit me but after her recent blows, they ached and stung. My wrist is still wrapped in a cast that shouldn’t be wet. My ankle, that she had smashed on the wooden ground when I refused to get out of bed and she dragged me off it, now had shards and fragments of glass lodged in the arch of my foot from the vase she had thrown at my foot. The wet concrete was incredulously painful against my feet which were clad in only socks. My mother doesn’t really think to give me shoes before throwing me out. She just knows she wants me out and doesn’t care what condition I’m in whilst “out.”

It was humiliating to be walking towards Billy Hargrove’s house for support, for help, for comfort. When in September he and I hated each other. Sure, he tried to seduce me but that was a joke. No one found me attractive, he was making fun of me. Right? So, why in December, on my birthday that no one ever celebrated, did he lift me in his arms and help me get medical attention? Why did he care? That's what I clung onto as I took steps closer and closer to his house. The bright hope lying in that memory. Billy Hargrove cared even a little bit.

I didn’t really have anyone else. My best friend was in Florida visiting her grandmother and all my family was in New York. All I had was Billy.

His door was intimidating, but my body shivered so aggressively and my heart thumped so heavily I realized I had no choice. With eyes filled with many tears, my vision was blurry, my throat dry, body wrenched and my heart aching… I knocked on his door. The sound hardly made it over Metallica playing faintly through the door, the only sign other than the turned on living room light that he was there.

I knock again. “Jesus, M… can’t you, at least… door?” I could hear him faintly through the door. Suddenly, it swung open and there he stood. A red button-up tucked into jeans clung to his frame well. His expression switched from anger to shock and concern.

“Y/N, what- what the fuck happened?”

“I-I’m so-so sorry, Billy… I don’t have anywhere to go, I just- I would’ve called but I can’t get in my house so I- I just walked her and I- fuck, I just need help, please!” Each word came out with a choked sob. He gently grabbed my elbow and, with a softness I couldn’t imagine ever coming from him, he pulled me in for a hug. “Billy, y-you’re gonna get wet-”

“Jesus, I don’t care. C’mon, let me take care of you. We’re lucky my parents are gone.”

***

After gently taking out the shard in my foot with a tweezer, and asking Max for her tweezer in the first place, he gave me some medical alcohol, ointments, bandages and wraps to use after a shower. He even gave me a new wrist cast, which I’d have to ask later why he has it. He left me another one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers while he let me take a shower. When I got out, he was wearing a t-shirt and boxers. There were too white mugs and chocolate chip cookies on the coffee table as well as a mountain of VHS tapes. He was wrapped in a red blanket and his foot tapped anxiously on the wooden ground. This is new… certainly not unwelcome but new.

“Uhm, thank you…”

His head snapped in my direction at the sound of my voice.

“Did you walk here?”

“Oh- uh, yeah… more so limp but yeah…”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, what's going on? Who did this to you? I’ve never seen you cry like that, it… it hurt and I got really scared for you… are you okay?” His eyes were always so pretty to me. How the blue could tell so much about him, what he was feeling, thinking. I could see so much truth to his words, so much concern.

Sighing, I bite the bullet. Its stupid, but I really trusted Billy. “My mom has been like this since I was ten…” I train my eyes to the ground. The pattern of the wood was far less horrific than those gorgeous azure eyes. “Ever since my biological dad left, she just…changed. She likes to drink. All her money goes to that. I basically hold up everything rent wise and financially… I want to forget her tonight, please. I’ve been so scared and… and tired for so long. I feel strange and stupid for telling you this but its not like I have many friends or anyone you can tell that would ruin my life so fuck it… I really just don't wanna think about her… okay?”

The silence after my words is what motivated me to gather the courage to meet his eyes. Pursed lips and a sigh, Billy looks back at me. “Yeah. Okay, whatever you need, shortcake.”

I give a curt nod, “Thank you,” I sniffle and look at the table, “What’s all this?”

“Oh, well, I asked Max for some of her VHS tapes and she made cookies with Susan before she left this morning so… I thought… maybe, these would make you feel better? And I made her swear to keep this a secret and not tell any of her little shit friends.” His cheeks actually turn a shade of red and I let out a giggle as I sit beside him. He tosses the blanket over my head. “Don’t laugh at me, I’m trying to be nice!”

“Okay, okay!” I pick up the VHS tapes and shuffle through them. The Shining, Nightmare on Elm Street, Carrie, The Breakfast Club, The Outsiders…

“Lets watch Nightmare on Elm Street…Johnny Depp is pretty…” I giggled and bit my bottom lip.

“Wow, okay, am I not?” with a faux hurt expression, he lifted a hand to his chest and smirked.

Rolling my eyes, “That’s not what I said…”

Raising a brow, “So, you’re saying I’m pretty?”

“Yes, Billy Hargrove. You are a beautiful man.”

His smirk shifts into a soft smile, “Thank you, you’re beautiful yourself, babe.”

New nickname, adding that to my list of favorites.

“Thank you. Seriously.” I hand him the VHS to put on and lean back. I pull the blanket to cover my bruised stretch marks. “I would’ve called before coming but… y’know.”

He places a hand on my cheek. “You and I… are more alike than you think, sugar. No matter how awful you think I am… I will always care about you. I know I’m an asshole but… you kind of changed my life with all these marks and trouble. You’re… you’re my favorite type of trouble.”

It was like my insides were melting and I swallowed hard, my heartbeat speeding up. “Really?”

His thumb brushes against my cheek as he nods. “Absolutely.”

“That’s… really cheesy,” I giggle, embarrassed, “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think it was sweet. You’re my favorite trouble, too, Billy.”

A brief moment of silence as he looked down to my lips. It was like time stopped and I swallowed my heart. “Can I kiss you, sugar?”

Briefly, my eyes widen before whispering, “Please…”

His lips touch mine instantly, they are soft but urgent. Slipping his tongue past my lips, I feel my body erupt into flames. I place my hands on his thighs and I hear him drop the VHS before he puts both hands on my cheeks. He was so warm, so soft, yet his kiss was so needy and deeply affectionate. My broken wrist remains on his thigh but my other hand moves to run my fingers into the back of his hair, gripping gently. He groans and I swear, I felt my heart stop. That's when he pulled away and I caught a glimpse of his glazed eyes and slicken lips.

“I could do that everyday, for the rest of time…” he muttered. I couldn’t tell if he was speaking to me but I didn’t care. I could hardly focus on anything but the sweltering joy growing in the very pit of my stomach.

Our moment is interrupted by a small voice clearing their throat. I drop my hand to my lap. We look over to see Max with a smirk on her face, red hair pulled into braids. “I knew you liked her, you idiot!”

“Get out!” He grumbled.

She simply laughed, unphased, “No, no. Thank you, now Dustin owes me fifteen dollars!” She runs to her room, presumably to grab that darn walky talky.

With a small smile, I raised a questioning brow and scrunched my nose. “You like me?”

Rolling his eyes, he picks up the VHS and moves to put the movie on. “No… yes. I don’t know…” He plopped back on the sofa. “C-can we just watch the movie …?” Oh, how I love to make him blush and stutter….

I giggled and intertwined my fingers with his. “If it's any consolation, I like you. I like you a lot, Billy Hargrove.”

His blue eyes brimming with adoration. He nods, enthusiastically. “Okay… yeah. I like you a whole lot….”

vi. - billy pov

Y/N went back home the next day. It had been four weeks since that night and I still haven’t kissed her again. I’ve been afraid to touch her lips again. I know she said she likes me. But I also know I’m not good enough for her. I only just started to be nicer to Max. I only just started to try. So, I went back to pushing her away.

But the night was young and I already found myself covered in bruises and blood seeped through my shirt. Although the weather was cold, there was a thin line of sweat covering my skin as I drove down the streets to the one person in the world who didn’t make me feel like shit. The one person who made me feel like I meant something. The night was filled with bloody fists, tears and screaming matches. But she was full of love, care and a gentleness that I could never get at home.

As I park out her house, I see her light is the only one on.

With a deep breath, I climb the tree in front of her window and peer into her room. She’s lying on the bed under the covers, a book in her hands. I purse my lips and knock on her window softly. Her head turns toward the window. slightly startled, her expression instantly fills with concern and that damn look she always gives me that always makes me feel warm. She pulls the covers off and instantly rushes to the window, I instantly notice something. She’s wearing my shirt.

She always looks so good in my shirts, god, she drives me crazy.

She slides the window up and I meet her eyes. “Billy, what-what are you doing here?!”

“Uh, if you let me in, I’ll explain everything…” She nods, shifting over to the side to let me in.

I climb into her room and sit on her bed, the creaking of the window shutting numbed out in my numerous chaotic thoughts. Suddenly, she’s beside me, running her fingers through my curls and placing her now healed hand on my thigh. “Talk to me, Billy. What’s wrong? I’ve never seen you cry…”

Biting my bottom lip, I briefly muster the balls to meet her eyes before looking back at her carpet. “Remember when you came to my house at two in the morning?” She nods. “Remember when I said we were alike?”

You and I… are more alike than you think, sugar.

She nods, warily.

“My dad… he punishes me. Harshly. He… he does it a lot but tonight, I guess I really got on his nerves. He blamed me for my mom leaving and kicked me out the house. I know I’ve been a piece of shit lately but with all these feelings I have for you and the shit my dad says… I can’t find it in me to put you through all my bullshit. But here I am… I don’t fucking know, I can’t stay away from you… I’m sorry. You’re… all I got, sugar.” My eyes filled with tears once again, the millionth time of the night. Her fingers reach up to wipe my tears and I lean into the warmth of her hand.

“It's not your fault.” She simply states. Not a second of hesitation, not an ounce of doubt.

“What?”

“Your mother leaving, Hargrove. That's not your fault. And as for us? We’re fine, just don’t ignore me. It’s not up to you whether I ‘deal with your shit’ and don't talk about yourself like that. You’re fucking incredible. I like you for a reason, dummy. Anyway, you're safe here. I’ll take care of you.” I look up when she stands and walks toward her door. I almost whined thinking she was leaving, but she locks the door and walks back toward me.

“Jacket and pants off, c’mon, time for bed.” I laugh, dryly, her determination to take care of me making my heart palpitate. I begin to undress, uncomfortably in my bruised state and she reaches in her bedside drawer and pulls out a first aid kit. “Lie down.”

I do as the lady says and lie flat like a starfish in the center of her bed. She sits beside me and opens the kit, beginning to treat me. I take it as an opportunity to admire her features. From her hair to her lips to my shirt on her body. She smelled wonderful. Like a dewy spring morning. Her lips looked shiny after her tongue swiped across them. She finishes and brushes a few stray strands of hair out of my face. “I really do like you, Billy. Don’t leave me in the dark like that ever again, okay?”

I nod. At this moment, as I look at her face, I realize I’d do anything she asks. “Whatever you want, babe.”

She shut the light off and slipped under the covers, I followed suit. There was a brief pause of comfortable silence. Till I got to thinking. I never felt such an intense feeling, relationship, trust, experience. She was an acid trip. She was peace. She was heaven and she was chaos. She was everything and I was set on living for my everything. It was at this moment I realized why I had felt so protective, so needy for her attention, so caring, careful and intrigued, so pliable and submissive to her every whim.

I had fallen in love.

This wasn’t good. The moment I realized it, it was like it was fighting to get out. Like it needed to get out before it grew more and broke my heart. She’d leave me, just like my mother.

But the voices, the doubt, it didn’t matter when I felt her shit beside me and her voice relaxed me like melatonin or a cup of tea in the morning. I was more of a beer and party at night but god, I could get behind this feeling. This indescribable high she had me set on. I was absolutely in love with her. I adored her. I was enamored. Max was right. It pissed me off beyond words… but holy shit, Max was absolutely right. I was head over heels and it was fucking terrifying.

“Are you okay, Billy? Do you need anything? Water? Food? Maybe clothes? I could steal some of my stepdads clothes… or you could wear some of my oversized stuff-”

“I’m good, princess. Thank you. I just… I really need to tell you something.” It was gonna come out. It had to. It had to or I was going to explode. I roll over to face her, only to find that she was already facing me. Even in the dark, I could trace her features. It was committed to memory. Imprinted in his mind. I certainly didn’t hate it. “Y/N. Don’t laugh. Okay? If you laugh, I’ll leave and sleep in my car.”

She nods. “Okay, Billy, just spit it out!”

“Fine. I-I… I love you. Like… love-love you. Like I wanna kiss you and hold you and hold your hand. I wanna… maybe… I don’t know, get married one day and live far, far away together. All by ourselves, happily alone…”

It was quiet. From what I could see in the dark, under the streak of moonlight hitting her just right, she was shocked. Her bottom lip pulled under her teeth. “I love you, too. I want all of that and more, Billy… but you can’t ignore me. Okay? Talk to me… I just wanna be there with you. For you.”

I have never smiled that big since I was kid, surfing in the waves with mom.

“Run away with me.” My voice was soft as I stared mindlessly at her lips.

“Billy…” She sounded cynical as she shook her head.

“C’mon. We both hate this town!” I place a hand on her hip.

“Think about what's here, though. Max. School. My best friend. Billy, be logical!” She was always so smart. So careful and meticulous. But I wasn’t having it. We could worry about the details and kinks later. For now. I just wanted to convince her to get away with me.

“I am! We’ll leave after graduation. I’ll save up money to get us someplace nice far away. Maybe back to Cali or we can even go to New York. I’ll go wherever, as long as it’s with you. So they can never touch us again, okay? Never again.”

Another beat of silence.

“Fuck… fine! Okay!” I celebrate with a mouthed ‘yes’ and a fist to the air, she rolls her eyes. “I hate the effect you have on me, Billy Hargrove.”

“Oh please! Get over here…” I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into me and smothering my face in her hair, taking a whiff of the scent and smiling brightly. I pull back to place my lips on hers, gently. Reveling in the feeling of her lips on mine again after far too long. “I love you so much.”

Sure, we can just be dumb teenagers with stupid plans.

“I love you more.”

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t okay with that. Especially not when the cold wind of Hawkins kisses my skin as it brushes through the small crack in the window and I doze off, holding my love in my arms.

Never Again

the five times he saw you with bruises and the one time you saw him with bruises.

pairing: billy hargrove x thicc!reader (f)

word count 8.9k

note: reader has thick thighs and stretch marks, i'd rather jump off a bridge than write about characters with "perfect bodies" ew. also im chubby and i dont remember what it was like to be skinny. ok ms thiccums. also readers birthday is in winter shh. this is sort of an au where billy got left back a year and he still works at pool, steves at record store and billys alive. billys a little bit ooc but who cares lmao

playlist. moodboard. masterlist.

warnings!: abuse!, domestic abuse, violence, sexual assault mentioned, mention of ro*fie/date drug, assault, fighting, bullying, depression, loneliness, anxiety, a LOT of swearing/cursing, making out (?) etc... fluff, comfort, angst.

i. - yn pov

The cold wind kissed my skin as I stepped off the dingy school bus and toward Hawkins High. My backpack slung over my shoulder as I tug on my flannels sleeves and fidget with anxiety, walking through, past the other students that seemed to enjoy loitering. Another miserable day in hell. My combat boots smack the concrete as I enter the building, escaping from the chilly temperature into the stuffy halls and heading straight for my locker. I grab my notebook to place it in my backpack and put away my winter coat. Having earbuds in, I don’t hear the obnoxious smacking of gum and tapping of tacky flats coming toward me. Not till her hand pushes me toward the wall. One of my headphones was knocked out.

“I’m talking to you, new girl!” The voice was impossible to not recognize. Turning around to make eye contact and confirm my theory, I send a distasteful glare to Carol.

“And yet, I can’t seem to give a fuck.” I was never one to let popular kids knock me around. Seemingly everyone bullies and annoys me with ease, but I always defend myself. I only don’t speak when their whole purpose is to get a rise out of me.

Her expression changes from annoyed to offense and fury. “Listen, slut. Either you explain why you stole my bracelet and give it back or I will fuck you up.”

Raising a brow I looked down at my wrist where I had my grandmother's silver bracelet wrapped around and chuckled at the insane accusation. “This is my grandma’s, dumbass. I didn’t take your stupid fucking bracelet.”

“I beg to fucking differ, it’s one of a kind!” She yells, catching the attention of other passerbys in the hills. Suddenly I’m filled with rage as she raises her voice at me.

“Clearly not. I’m not dealing with this right now, it’s too early.” I go to walk away and escape the conversation when suddenly she grabs and tugs my arm. I land on the ground, hard, on my back.

“Nuh-uh, not till you give it back!” She straddles me, holding my hands down with her knees and starts throwing punches. “Give it back!”

How do I give it “back” if you’re holding me down, dumbass!

This was ridiculous. I was almost embarrassed for the girl. She actually threw punches… over a bracelet. It all happened so fast. My eye burned and my face was sore and my lip was stinging. Then someone came behind Carol and pulled her off of me. My face was warm and I took deep breaths. I could feel blood dripping out of my nose and my lip was busted. I swallow hard and taste blood on my tongue before rising to sit up. My vision was blurry but I could see a shape of what seemed to be Tommy pulling Carol away, the yelling reverberating in my ears. Behind me I feel someone place an arm on my back and under my knees, lifting me and carrying me toward the nurses office.

I try to see who lifted me but as we pass the bright lights in the halls, my eyes get irritated and I shut them quickly. The person is warm and I feel denim gently scraping my arm. I don’t need to wonder for long as I hear his voice. “Jesus, L/N. It’s not even twelve yet and you already got a beating?”

“Shut up, Hargrove.” My voice is so weak it surprises me. His name is even more bitter than the blood on my tongue.

“It’s almost a new record. Not one to be proud of. But it's something, sugar.”

Billy Hargrove and I constantly bickered. I hated him and he hated me but not enough to not want to get in my pants. We were often associated as his stupid friends frequently beat me to hell and he beat my guy friends. I envy him. Everyone absolutely adores him. I can pretend I don’t care about being liked but deep down, there's this irritating desire to be loved. But someone, anyone. The fear that if my own mother doesn’t love me, why would anyone else?

Billy was perfect. He was attractive, fit, and the Hawkins High king. He hardly even needed to try. And me? I was the nobody.

I hated him for it.

“I’d rather you left me on the floor, Billy!” When I wiggle to try and escape his arms, his grip only gets tighter.

He scoffs as he opens the nurse’s office door with his foot. “Don’t be so dramatic, shortcake.”

I’m sitting on a medical cot as I hear the clicking of the nurse’s heels rushing toward me. “Oh my- what happened, hun?”

I assumed Billy left the room as I explained I was in a fight to Nurse Jen. Why would he stay? But after the teacher cleaned my eyes and I was able to blink them open, I see him sitting there across the room, watching with crossed arms and a brooding stare as the nurse dabbed at my bruises. I raise a brow at him and he only sends a sly grin in response. When the nurse finishes up with my bruises and busted lip, she looks up at me with soft brown eyes. “Can you have someone drive you home?”

“I’ll take her home,” She and I turned to Billy as he spoke. “Still live out of town?”

I nod softly, surprised he remembered that from the party a few months ago that my best friend dragged me to. He had to drive me home and dropped me off after someone tried to roofie me. As I said, this school is hell.

The nurse nods, grabbing my hand and helping pull me up. At first, it was like it all rushed to my head, the world began to spin, blurring slightly. It cleared quickly and I stumbled slightly. Billy rushes forward to grab my arms and hold me up. Surprisingly, his expression is filled with genuine concern. “Alright, c’mon, L/N.” He lifts me up just as he did before and carries me out to the car. The nurse left me with an ice pack for my head and packet of bandaids. What the fuck do I do with this? Billy sets me down in the passenger seat of his camaro. He begins driving after a heavy sigh. Who would’ve thought I’d wake up, go to school, get my ass kicked, and then get driven home by Billy Hargrove. I giggle childishly at the thought while staring out the window. “What’re you laughing at, sugar?”

“This is… not at all what I expected from my day…” I shake my head and frown. “Billy Hargrove, the man who hates me for everything but my tits, driving me home.”

He scoffs, “Is that how you think of me? Really?”

I nod fervently, wincing as it hurt my jaw. “Absolutely.”

He’s silent. Just for a moment. “Jesus, that’s… a low point of view.”

“Well, you never really treated me with a high regard… not till this moment and that party a few weeks ago. You aren’t really that nice to me. You’re just snarky and pervy.” I continue to mumble under my breath about how everyone is always mean to me but Billy isn’t listening after what I said about him.

He stares blankly to the road before him as he drives. The radio buzzing silently and I purse my busted lips as I look over to him. His gaze is concentrated and pensive. “I’m not that shitty of a person, Y/N.”

I swallow hard. “Sure.”

“I’m not!” He seemed genuinely angry, sincerely aggravated. “I have fuckin’ morals.”

“Then quit whining and act like it.” I huff, leaning to look out the window. He grunts, choosing to keep quiet and ignore me.

The rest of the car ride is silent. One hour of complete silence, other than the light sound of Metallica playing on the radio. I dozed off but every time I’d feel my eyes close, Billy shoved me, mumbling something about “concussions.”

Pulling up to my house, I rush to get out but Billy darts to my side of the car. “What’re you doing?” I say, shocked.

“You can hardly walk, sugar. I’m helping you get inside safely.” His tone is sarcastic but intentions are pure. I would roll my eyes if they didn’t hurt so much.

I let him help walk me inside my house. My parents were at work and I’m secretly grateful for Billy driving me. My mother would’ve screamed at me for making her drive all the way back and maybe even done worse. As I sit on my mattress, I look to Billy who helped me up the stairs, through the pavement and drove me from school and finally I gathered the courage. “Billy…” He looks into my eyes after finding pain relievers in my drawer and placing them on my bedside table. His blue eyes were hypnotizing and I finally understood why all the girls fawned over him. “Thank you. You don’t understand how much you just helped me.” I give him a small, warm smile.

His gaze flips between my eyes and lips before he takes a deep breath, “Don’t thank me, sweetheart, it’s the least I can do. Lemme go get you some water. You got any snacks or pajamas I can bring you so you don’t have to get up too much?”

I nod carefully. Billy was being soft. He was gentle and kind. I guess he’s trying to show his morals like I suggested. “In the drawer, top shelf is my jammies, there's chips in the kitchen. I-I’m only allowed to eat the potato chips, though…”

He nods, not asking too much. He grabs the pajamas from my drawer, a large t-shirt that I stole from my ex, and sweatpants. He laid it on the bed and left for the water and chips. Quickly, I got dressed and tucked myself under the blankets. Billy was quick, walking into my room with a bag of chips and a glass of water. He placed it on the bedside table and I quickly took the pain relievers with a large gulp of water. He looks around my room, his eyes landing on a book, journal and pencil on the desk in the corner of my room. He grabs them and places them beside me. “Do some reading and drawing or something and get some rest in like two hours.You don’t wanna get a concussion, trust me.”

I laugh, dryly. “Thank you, Hargrove.”

“When do your parents get back?”

“Uh, depends. My dad comes back around nine and my mom… My mom varies. It could be six on a good day or midnight on a bad day.” I sigh, grasping the book before opening to where I left off.

His brows furrowed and I saw the expression on his face shift as he tried to decide whether he should ask questions or not. He chooses not. “Okay… make sure not to get into trouble? See you around, sugar.” He ruffled my hair and just like that, he left.

ii. - yn pov

I didn’t want to come to this party but my best and only friend Rachel had forced me here. Well, more so, threatened to leave me home alone with my mother. So there I stood, next to a bowl of spiked punch, as people sent judgemental glances my way. I was completely fine minding my own business, till a pretty girl with a ponytail so tight it practically pulled her hairline out. I recognized her as… Natalie? Nicole? One of those for sure… “You’re the new girl, right? The one who stole Carol's bracelet?” Her speech was slurred and she seemingly was clueless to the concept of personal space.

“I’m new but I didn’t steal Carol's bracelet. If she told you otherwise then she’s a lying, delusional bitch.” Okay, maybe it was harsh. However I couldn't find it in me to care at the moment. I wanted to go to sleep.

She snarled her red lips and with a bitter tone, “Well, that ‘b-word’ is my friend so watch what you say, freak. What are you even doing here? I didn’t know they were inviting losers?”

With a sarcastic smile, I cross my arms, “Aw! Well, duh! That's why they invited you, silly!”

She gasps before clenching her teeth, “At least I’m not a virgin with no freaking friends.”

It was so easy to piss these people off, I didn’t need to put in the effort of getting physical. But I was so very tired and restless, I wasn’t in the mood frankly. I just grabbed her pretty and oh so perfect blonde ponytail and dumped her head in the spiked punch bowl. When she pulled back, she wiped the punch out her eyes and screeched. “Whore!” Huh, so she can curse.

“But I thought I was a virgin?” I send a snarky smile to the brat. Bad idea.

She tackled me and pathetically smacked me while straddling me. It wasn't as bad as Carol, however I still had some bruises staining my skin, so it hurt. And this time, I had my hands to cover me. It wasn’t enough though as she smacked me harder and harder. The crowd just chanted “fight, fight, fight” before someone finally pulled the rabid beast off me. I sighed heavily before trudging out the door.

My thoughts race. I’d rather walk home than stay there a second later. I don’t care if my house is twenty minutes away by car and forty walking. Rachel can yell at me in the morning, I don’t care.

But just as I make it to a street corner after fifteen minutes of walking, I notice a light shining behind me. The street has been empty since I first started walking so, out of curiosity, I turned to check who it may be.

“Oh my god.” I rolled my eyes as I noticed the familiar camaro driving toward me. “Do you just have a sixth sense or something?”

“Another beating, Y/N? Jesus, that's two in under a month, what happened?” Billy leans his head out the car. The street corner was getting cold so I stuck my head in the car to sneak some warmth.

“Well, Nicole was being disrespectful so I shoved her face in a bowl of punch and she decided to assault me. Plain and simple, Hargrove. Care to give me another ride home, please? I really don’t wanna walk in heels and bruises.” I pout, slight playful flirtation in my eyes as he rolls his and tilts his head to motion me to hop in.

I giggled at the music choice. “What's funny?”

“You’re playing metallica again, it’s like fuckin’ deja vu.”

He laughs, shaking his head, “I can’t believe you can laugh when you look like you’ve been fucking run over. You get into too many fights. I’m being serious, it’s reckless and dangerous, sugar. You gotta stop.” He scolds me like a child.

I huff, sarcastically, “Okay, dad. Since when did you give a fuck what I do? Figured you couldn't care less.”

“Like I said last time, I got morals. If I see someone who doesn’t deserve a beating all bruised up, it's pretty upsetting, shortcake.”

I laugh, sarcastically. “Well, you’re surely getting better at showing it. Seriously, do you think carrying my bag for me to two classes is gonna make me think you have morals? Or saying bless you when I sneeze? That's just manners, Hargrove, I’m concerned you just started saying bless you and thank you to people. It's basic respect.”

He stops, rather aggressively, in the middle of the empty road. “Don’t you talk to me about respect like you’re my fucking father. You can't seem to avoid getting your ass kicked, what are you a child? Desperate for attention? A masochist? What? What's wrong with you that you so desperately need to get assaulted every day? Mommy not giving you enough attention at home?”

That felt like a slap across the face. Especially since my mother couldn’t care less if someone hit me. She’d fully support it. The comment made my eyes water, every word leading me closer and closer to the tears that started rolling down my rosy and bruised cheeks. His angry expressions alter to one of shock and perhaps even a flash of guilt. He opened his mouth to speak but he was speechless as I cried silently beside him. “Fuck you, Hargrove.”

He bit his pursed lip and started driving again. It was quiet for a bit till he gathered his courage to speak again. “Listen… that… that wasn't cool of me. I’m-I am… sorry. That was fucked up. I shouldn’t have said that. I just-I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t know why. It really fucking bothers me though.”

The word sorry sounded like he choked just trying to get it out. He was so clearly not used to apologizing however I couldn’t find it in me to care. He tried. And it seemed genuine. That impressed me more than I could imagine. “Just… take me home please.”

The rest of the drive is silent till he’s pulling over in front of my house again. I catch my breath and wipe my tears as Billy hops out and walks to the passenger seat, opening the door for me. It was chivalrous and honestly surprising. I looked at him with a questioning gaze as he walked me to my door. Mentally, I celebrated being able to walk, unlike last time. “Hey, I was wondering … that shirt you wore last time? Where did you get it from? It looked familiar.”

I raise a brow at his question. “Uh, its my ex boyfriend’s. I never threw it out and he never picked it up so I just… kept it? I guess.”

He hums. “Here…” He pulls his denim jacket off and hands it to me before tugging his white shirt off and swapping that for the denim jacket. “Wear that… It’s really weird to wear your ex’s clothing. Creepy.” I can see him visibly gulp.

“Yeah?” With a lopsided grin on my face, I look down at the white t-shirt in my hands. Then I met his hypnotizing blue eyes once more. They were filled with something indescribable. Something different from the usual lust, gloom and humor that filled them. Something I didn’t quite understand yet. “You’re really confusing, Billy Hargrove.”

He laughs. It was a nice laugh too, I'll admit. Still hate him though, definitely. Definitely hate him, Mhm. “Tell me about it, Y/N L/N.” He raises both brows, looking between my eyes then my lips before walking backwards. “See ya’ round, shortcake. I gotta go find my sister, stay out of trouble, please.”

“See ya’.” There's a part of me that celebrates seeing him go, then some forbidden, sadistic, masochistic part if me cries deep down and begs him to come back mentally. “Asshole.”

iii. - third pov

Billy started acting weird.

Whenever Y/N passed him in the hall, he ignored her.

No snarky remarks or flirtatious lines. He stopped being cruel to his sister, he waited more patiently for her after school. He was using manners with teachers and other students and actually showed up for class. He was doing better in school in general and he showed up on time. She’d find him watching her when she’d look up to find who was burning a gaze into her flesh. It was always him. But when she tried to speak to him, he gave one word answers and walked away claiming he had something to do.

You’re really confusing, Billy Hargrove.

Tell me about it.

He’s playing with my feelings. Her thoughts race. Except there are no feelings, I definitely hate him. Right? So why does it hurt when he ignores me? When he passes without a word or a glance. Why did it give me butterflies when I caught him looking at me or how, not so discreetly, looked over in the morning to see if I got off the bus before going in just to know if I was around. What would he do if I wasn’t? Why did I want to know? Was it so strange to miss our dynamic? Our banter?

Nonetheless, she continued her life as usual. Weekdays were school till three, work at the arcade till six, taking the bus home, shower, sleep. Weekends were work from seven to three, taking the bus home, yoga, shower, study, sleep. She only had about one or two friends, so there wasn’t much “hanging out” squeezed in. Except there was a disruption in her schedule on this particular day. Saturday. Noon. In front of the arcade, Max is sitting beside Y/N with a deep frown on her lips.

Max came in at her usual eleven in the morning and all went smoothly till some grown man came and gave her trouble for “hogging” the machine. So, in an attempt to defend her, Y/N walked up and asked him to leave. Which resulted in a bruised cheekbone, split lip and broken wrist. Now they sit on the curb, waiting for Max’s brother to pick her up so Y/N can go to the hospital and receive treatment.

“Are you sure Billy will take me? He didn’t seem too happy last time he saw me all bruised up…”

His words imprinted in her memory, joined by those blue eyes that filled with concern. If I see someone who doesn’t deserve a beating all bruised up, it's pretty upsetting, shortcake.

“Last time?” The redhead's eyebrow quirks.

“Yeah, he gave me a ride once… twice. Whatever, just… are you sure he won't be mad?” Worry lacing her tone.

“It’ll be fine, Y/N/N,” She takes a pause, placing a hand on Y/N’s knee. “And who cares what that asshole thinks anyway?”

The older girl releases a small laugh, “Yeah, who cares…” She did. She cared too much. She didn’t know when it happened or how. She couldn’t even admit to herself that it had. But she grew fond of the blond curlyhead casanova.

“And also… I didn’t get to say thank you. No one really defends me like that… You looked really badass, at least.” Max giggles.

With a pained smile, “No problem, kiddo. I can’t believe he broke my wrist, though, that's still so crazy to me.”

“Yeah, that was crazy. Hey, your eyeliner is still intact?” The statement was more of a question as she questionably clung onto whatever she had in mind to cheer Y/N up.

The pair giggle till the familiar rumble of Billy’s camaro can be heard speeding toward the arcade. It skids to a stop and Billy comes rushing out the car toward the duo, who stood quickly. “What the fuck happened, Y/N? Didn’t I tell you to be careful?”

“Hard to remember what you said when you haven’t even acknowledged me till this moment.”

“Sweetheart, It's hard to not acknowledge such a hot chick so don’t spout such bullshit. No what the fuck is going on with your wrist?” He goes to grab her wrist but she yelps in pain and he pulls back quickly, his previously flirtatious expression filled with genuine concern.

“The dude broke it…” She had broken wrists before. He had broken legs, ribs, jaw, arms, feet, fingers. She’s had numerous broken bones, fractures, sprains. She wasn’t too panicked about the wrist. But the pain never felt nice.

His eyes flash back to hers, anger spirling her new favorite shade of blue, “Dude? A fucking guy did it? Is he still here?”

“No, he… he left.” She looks him up and down. He was wearing a red button up and she could see a peak of his chest. His cheeks flushed red in anger, and Max? She was thriving. She hasn’t felt so joyous in years. Suddenly it all made sense. Why Billy was so nice, so respectful, so much… happier?

Her.

“Okay… let’s go. I gotta get you to a hospital.”

Max sat in the back and her bright blue eyes flicked between the two sat in the front. Curious and intrigued, she hung on every second.

“Do you have an addiction to getting your ass kicked?”

“I guess so.”

More silence.

He looks at her and then back to the road. Then he takes a double take. “You look good in my shirt, by the way.”

It was then she realized she was wearing the very shirt he gave her off his back the last time they actually spoke. “Thanks.”

Max covered her mouth to disguise her smile.

Billy actually likes someone? And it's Y/N?!

“Y’know… I’m probably gonna get fired. I’m really gonna need a new job. Actually, to be honest… I pay the majority of the rent at my house… My mom… she doesn’t really…” Y/N clears her throat as she chokes a sob that threatens to leave her with teary eyes. “She doesn’t really pay rent. She works but… not for rent.” She wipes her face with her unbroken wrist. Then wiping the tears on her jeans.

Billy could feel his heart drop at the sound of her broken voice. “I’ll help you get a job. I promise. I’ll see if you can work at the pool with me or maybe I could get Harrington to let you work at the record store. I will help get you a job.”

She let out an exhale and a laugh, “Did you know the first day where you found me all bruised up in December… It was my birthday. I turned eighteen. No one said anything. Except for Max and my best friend. My own mother forgot. Or she just didn’t care.”

She was staring blankly at the road. All Billy could get out was a weak apology as he reached over to grasp her unbroken hand. Max beamed.

As they parked in front of the hospital, Y/N stepped out. “You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Max thought her cheeks were gonna break by how wide her smile became. He’s worried, how cute.

“I’m fine, Hargrove. Now, just… I’ll see you Monday, okay? Don’t… don’t ignore me?”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“You made a lot of promises today, hope you mean 'em’.” She smiled and walked into the emergency room. Max quickly ran out of the car to switch to the front seat and buckled in with a massive grin on her face and a “I-know-your-secrets” glare in her eyes.

“Oh god, what now, Max?”

“So… In love with Y/N, are we?” She smirked, tilting her head. “No wonder you’re so nice.”

He scrunched his face in mock disgust. “What? No! She’s just- We’re just kind of… friends now, I guess. It’s platonic.”

“Really? You held her hand and Oh Y/N I’ll get you a job, I promise, I’ll protect you, My princess, where is she? I care so much about you! Oh! I love you so much-” Her mocking tone and giggling was cut short as Billy suddenly stepped on the gas suddenly. Her laughing only intensifies.

“Shut up! It’s not like that. She’s just… Okay, I never met anyone as incredible or strong and unpredictable. She is the funniest, smartest yet somehow densest person I know and I don’t know if I wanna scream or kiss her but she’s the strongest most fucking irresistable woman I know and I have to stay away from her or else I get all these… emotions… I guess, that I can’t fucking deal with, okay? But it’s just… temporary. We’re platonic!” He just sounded like a contradicting machine that wanted to convince itself of a lie.

Max grinned one last time. “Sure, Billy, sure.”

iv. - third pov

Max’s joy only lasted a week.

Billy made an effort to speak to her but everytime he grew awkward. It was unfamiliar to him. And Y/N? Max hardly recognizes her. Her wrist was covered in a white cast with blue wrapping and the bruises she received at the arcade were healing well. But she was limping. She was covering her face. She was wearing long sleeves, even though it was now March and the weather was warming. It worried Max. Poor girl didn’t know what to do. So she went to Billy. Told him her concerns.

“What do you mean limping?“

“Limping! What else does it mean?” Even in serious conversations, her sarcasm never failed. “It’s been really warm lately and she still wears that black hoodie and sweatpants. She’s hot cause she always asks for the air conditioner so I don’t know why she doesn’t just take it off unless…”

“Don’t…”His heart kicked up, “You think… you think more bruises?”

“Yeah or she did something herself….” She frowns in concern. Shaking his head, thoughts filling with the worst of the worst, he begnis marching down the halls, searching for his shortcake.

He bumps into Carol who squeaks like a mouse and stumbles. “Billy, what the fuck?”

“Have you seen Y/N?” He was frantic.

“Who-?”

“Y/N! Have you seen Y/N!” Carol was startled till an expression of realization overtook her features.

“Oh! New girl?” She shook her head, “No, I haven’t seen her today-“

“Then you’re useless. And she’s not even fucking new, she’s been in this school longer than me, Catherine.” He rolls his eyes and begins walking once again.

“It’s Carol-“

He walked completely off, effectively cutting her off and sending a simple message. You’re irrelevant.

Finally catching a glimpse of a girl in a black hoodie and sweatpants, he grips her shoulder and tugs her into the nearest supply closet. “Take off your hoodie.”

“Woah, I know you’re a horny bastard, Hargrove but at least ask me to dinner first-” She chuckles, rolling her shoulders.

“I’m not kidding, Y/N. Take off your hoodie or explain.” His expression was stern in the dimly lit closet.

Silence. It was then they noticed the closed space, they were so close that one inch forward and their noses would touch. She could explore his blue eyes and well defined facial structure, the spiral of his curls and count his freckles and he could sink in her eyes and imagine the taste of her lips. God, he can’t stop staring at her lips. But he grasped her chin and tilted her head side to side to observe a few new fade bruises, she smacked his hand. She stares at him with a blank expression. “There's just… it’s just… more bruises. Nothing serious.”

Scoffing, “From who?”

Shaking her head. This one was different. She couldn’t tell him who did this one. “Billy, I’m not comfortable talking about this right now. Okay? It's really personal and I-I just want to get through the day so I can go to sleep. Even if everyday on the bus home is like a sentence to hell…” She mumbled the last sentence, raising her able hand to brush a strand behind her ear.

“Why? What's at home?”

“Nothing… just my mom and I never really got along well. It's nothing bad, just frustrating.” His eyes had not looked at hers since the silence. His eyes have been trained to her lips. Watching her form every syllable. “You know, I got eyes you can look at, too, right?” She smirked.

“I-I am looking at your eyes, you just can’t tell 'cause it's dark.” His eyes flick to hers.

“If we’re calling my lips my eyes then sure!” She tilts her head playfully. The air in the small closet was tight and hotter and hotter by the second.

He smirked, “Well, about taking your hoodie off…” His hands tug on her collar to push her body closer to his. She scoffs and pushes him to the wall.

“In your dreams, Hargrove.” She walks out the enclosed space but Billy follows close behind.

“I’m just saying, if all this time I just had to take you to dinner, I would’ve done it long ago!” He walks side by side with her. “No, but seriously, if it's personal then that's okay. I understand, just, y’know Max told me who broke your wrist and now he has a concussion so…”

She stops abruptly and turns to him. “What?”

“I figured out it was Bryce Turner so I found him at his job and knocked him out, no big deal,” He shrugs, “He hurt you, that's not right.”

She looks at him, entirely suspicious. “What the hell changed? You see me bruised up once or twice and suddenly you care about me as a person? Suddenly you defend me? What the hell, Billy?”

He exhales, heavily, glancing around the halls. “Can we not talk about this here? It’s really not that serious, I just know how it feels to take a beating, I’ve been in a few fights myself if you can’t tell.”

Shaking her head, “No, a few months ago, you couldn’t fucking stand me. You only bared my presence to get a chance to fuck me. So, is this just a trick? This is all an act, this new you? Is it real? Or is this an elaborate plan to fuck me, Billy? Because I’m sick of everyone in my life using me.”

He opened his mouth to speak but he didn’t know how to tell her. He couldn’t tell her. He shakes his head, “I’m not trying to use you, it’s… it’s unrelated. I promise. I’m sorry I made you feel that way, though.”

Sharing blank stares, she bites her lip. “Another promise, hm?” He bows his head. “See ya’, Billy.”

She wanders off from him, off to her next class. He’s left alone in a crowded hallway, heart sunk to his stomach and a new anxiety he didn’t appreciate.

v. - yn pov

Sobbing uncontrollably on a Sunday night, walking in the rain to Billy Hargrove’s house at two in the morning was not my ideal experience. But my life never went according to plan.

The cut on my lip down my chin and bleeding nose was evidence enough, let alone the numerous fresh black and blue marks covering my cheeks and body. A solid handprint outlined in red on my wrist when she yanked me toward the front door. My tailbone still ached from when I fell ass first into the pavement. She screams demanding me to leave “her” house, even though I pay the majority of the rent.

My ribs were healing well from the last time she hit me but after her recent blows, they ached and stung. My wrist is still wrapped in a cast that shouldn’t be wet. My ankle, that she had smashed on the wooden ground when I refused to get out of bed and she dragged me off it, now had shards and fragments of glass lodged in the arch of my foot from the vase she had thrown at my foot. The wet concrete was incredulously painful against my feet which were clad in only socks. My mother doesn’t really think to give me shoes before throwing me out. She just knows she wants me out and doesn’t care what condition I’m in whilst “out.”

It was humiliating to be walking towards Billy Hargrove’s house for support, for help, for comfort. When in September he and I hated each other. Sure, he tried to seduce me but that was a joke. No one found me attractive, he was making fun of me. Right? So, why in December, on my birthday that no one ever celebrated, did he lift me in his arms and help me get medical attention? Why did he care? That's what I clung onto as I took steps closer and closer to his house. The bright hope lying in that memory. Billy Hargrove cared even a little bit.

I didn’t really have anyone else. My best friend was in Florida visiting her grandmother and all my family was in New York. All I had was Billy.

His door was intimidating, but my body shivered so aggressively and my heart thumped so heavily I realized I had no choice. With eyes filled with many tears, my vision was blurry, my throat dry, body wrenched and my heart aching… I knocked on his door. The sound hardly made it over Metallica playing faintly through the door, the only sign other than the turned on living room light that he was there.

I knock again. “Jesus, M… can’t you, at least… door?” I could hear him faintly through the door. Suddenly, it swung open and there he stood. A red button-up tucked into jeans clung to his frame well. His expression switched from anger to shock and concern.

“Y/N, what- what the fuck happened?”

“I-I’m so-so sorry, Billy… I don’t have anywhere to go, I just- I would’ve called but I can’t get in my house so I- I just walked her and I- fuck, I just need help, please!” Each word came out with a choked sob. He gently grabbed my elbow and, with a softness I couldn’t imagine ever coming from him, he pulled me in for a hug. “Billy, y-you’re gonna get wet-”

“Jesus, I don’t care. C’mon, let me take care of you. We’re lucky my parents are gone.”

***

After gently taking out the shard in my foot with a tweezer, and asking Max for her tweezer in the first place, he gave me some medical alcohol, ointments, bandages and wraps to use after a shower. He even gave me a new wrist cast, which I’d have to ask later why he has it. He left me another one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers while he let me take a shower. When I got out, he was wearing a t-shirt and boxers. There were too white mugs and chocolate chip cookies on the coffee table as well as a mountain of VHS tapes. He was wrapped in a red blanket and his foot tapped anxiously on the wooden ground. This is new… certainly not unwelcome but new.

“Uhm, thank you…”

His head snapped in my direction at the sound of my voice.

“Did you walk here?”

“Oh- uh, yeah… more so limp but yeah…”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, what's going on? Who did this to you? I’ve never seen you cry like that, it… it hurt and I got really scared for you… are you okay?” His eyes were always so pretty to me. How the blue could tell so much about him, what he was feeling, thinking. I could see so much truth to his words, so much concern.

Sighing, I bite the bullet. Its stupid, but I really trusted Billy. “My mom has been like this since I was ten…” I train my eyes to the ground. The pattern of the wood was far less horrific than those gorgeous azure eyes. “Ever since my biological dad left, she just…changed. She likes to drink. All her money goes to that. I basically hold up everything rent wise and financially… I want to forget her tonight, please. I’ve been so scared and… and tired for so long. I feel strange and stupid for telling you this but its not like I have many friends or anyone you can tell that would ruin my life so fuck it… I really just don't wanna think about her… okay?”

The silence after my words is what motivated me to gather the courage to meet his eyes. Pursed lips and a sigh, Billy looks back at me. “Yeah. Okay, whatever you need, shortcake.”

I give a curt nod, “Thank you,” I sniffle and look at the table, “What’s all this?”

“Oh, well, I asked Max for some of her VHS tapes and she made cookies with Susan before she left this morning so… I thought… maybe, these would make you feel better? And I made her swear to keep this a secret and not tell any of her little shit friends.” His cheeks actually turn a shade of red and I let out a giggle as I sit beside him. He tosses the blanket over my head. “Don’t laugh at me, I’m trying to be nice!”

“Okay, okay!” I pick up the VHS tapes and shuffle through them. The Shining, Nightmare on Elm Street, Carrie, The Breakfast Club, The Outsiders…

“Lets watch Nightmare on Elm Street…Johnny Depp is pretty…” I giggled and bit my bottom lip.

“Wow, okay, am I not?” with a faux hurt expression, he lifted a hand to his chest and smirked.

Rolling my eyes, “That’s not what I said…”

Raising a brow, “So, you’re saying I’m pretty?”

“Yes, Billy Hargrove. You are a beautiful man.”

His smirk shifts into a soft smile, “Thank you, you’re beautiful yourself, babe.”

New nickname, adding that to my list of favorites.

“Thank you. Seriously.” I hand him the VHS to put on and lean back. I pull the blanket to cover my bruised stretch marks. “I would’ve called before coming but… y’know.”

He places a hand on my cheek. “You and I… are more alike than you think, sugar. No matter how awful you think I am… I will always care about you. I know I’m an asshole but… you kind of changed my life with all these marks and trouble. You’re… you’re my favorite type of trouble.”

It was like my insides were melting and I swallowed hard, my heartbeat speeding up. “Really?”

His thumb brushes against my cheek as he nods. “Absolutely.”

“That’s… really cheesy,” I giggle, embarrassed, “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think it was sweet. You’re my favorite trouble, too, Billy.”

A brief moment of silence as he looked down to my lips. It was like time stopped and I swallowed my heart. “Can I kiss you, sugar?”

Briefly, my eyes widen before whispering, “Please…”

His lips touch mine instantly, they are soft but urgent. Slipping his tongue past my lips, I feel my body erupt into flames. I place my hands on his thighs and I hear him drop the VHS before he puts both hands on my cheeks. He was so warm, so soft, yet his kiss was so needy and deeply affectionate. My broken wrist remains on his thigh but my other hand moves to run my fingers into the back of his hair, gripping gently. He groans and I swear, I felt my heart stop. That's when he pulled away and I caught a glimpse of his glazed eyes and slicken lips.

“I could do that everyday, for the rest of time…” he muttered. I couldn’t tell if he was speaking to me but I didn’t care. I could hardly focus on anything but the sweltering joy growing in the very pit of my stomach.

Our moment is interrupted by a small voice clearing their throat. I drop my hand to my lap. We look over to see Max with a smirk on her face, red hair pulled into braids. “I knew you liked her, you idiot!”

“Get out!” He grumbled.

She simply laughed, unphased, “No, no. Thank you, now Dustin owes me fifteen dollars!” She runs to her room, presumably to grab that darn walky talky.

With a small smile, I raised a questioning brow and scrunched my nose. “You like me?”

Rolling his eyes, he picks up the VHS and moves to put the movie on. “No… yes. I don’t know…” He plopped back on the sofa. “C-can we just watch the movie …?” Oh, how I love to make him blush and stutter….

I giggled and intertwined my fingers with his. “If it's any consolation, I like you. I like you a lot, Billy Hargrove.”

His blue eyes brimming with adoration. He nods, enthusiastically. “Okay… yeah. I like you a whole lot….”

vi. - billy pov

Y/N went back home the next day. It had been four weeks since that night and I still haven’t kissed her again. I’ve been afraid to touch her lips again. I know she said she likes me. But I also know I’m not good enough for her. I only just started to be nicer to Max. I only just started to try. So, I went back to pushing her away.

But the night was young and I already found myself covered in bruises and blood seeped through my shirt. Although the weather was cold, there was a thin line of sweat covering my skin as I drove down the streets to the one person in the world who didn’t make me feel like shit. The one person who made me feel like I meant something. The night was filled with bloody fists, tears and screaming matches. But she was full of love, care and a gentleness that I could never get at home.

As I park out her house, I see her light is the only one on.

With a deep breath, I climb the tree in front of her window and peer into her room. She’s lying on the bed under the covers, a book in her hands. I purse my lips and knock on her window softly. Her head turns toward the window. slightly startled, her expression instantly fills with concern and that damn look she always gives me that always makes me feel warm. She pulls the covers off and instantly rushes to the window, I instantly notice something. She’s wearing my shirt.

She always looks so good in my shirts, god, she drives me crazy.

She slides the window up and I meet her eyes. “Billy, what-what are you doing here?!”

“Uh, if you let me in, I’ll explain everything…” She nods, shifting over to the side to let me in.

I climb into her room and sit on her bed, the creaking of the window shutting numbed out in my numerous chaotic thoughts. Suddenly, she’s beside me, running her fingers through my curls and placing her now healed hand on my thigh. “Talk to me, Billy. What’s wrong? I’ve never seen you cry…”

Biting my bottom lip, I briefly muster the balls to meet her eyes before looking back at her carpet. “Remember when you came to my house at two in the morning?” She nods. “Remember when I said we were alike?”

You and I… are more alike than you think, sugar.

She nods, warily.

“My dad… he punishes me. Harshly. He… he does it a lot but tonight, I guess I really got on his nerves. He blamed me for my mom leaving and kicked me out the house. I know I’ve been a piece of shit lately but with all these feelings I have for you and the shit my dad says… I can’t find it in me to put you through all my bullshit. But here I am… I don’t fucking know, I can’t stay away from you… I’m sorry. You’re… all I got, sugar.” My eyes filled with tears once again, the millionth time of the night. Her fingers reach up to wipe my tears and I lean into the warmth of her hand.

“It's not your fault.” She simply states. Not a second of hesitation, not an ounce of doubt.

“What?”

“Your mother leaving, Hargrove. That's not your fault. And as for us? We’re fine, just don’t ignore me. It’s not up to you whether I ‘deal with your shit’ and don't talk about yourself like that. You’re fucking incredible. I like you for a reason, dummy. Anyway, you're safe here. I’ll take care of you.” I look up when she stands and walks toward her door. I almost whined thinking she was leaving, but she locks the door and walks back toward me.

“Jacket and pants off, c’mon, time for bed.” I laugh, dryly, her determination to take care of me making my heart palpitate. I begin to undress, uncomfortably in my bruised state and she reaches in her bedside drawer and pulls out a first aid kit. “Lie down.”

I do as the lady says and lie flat like a starfish in the center of her bed. She sits beside me and opens the kit, beginning to treat me. I take it as an opportunity to admire her features. From her hair to her lips to my shirt on her body. She smelled wonderful. Like a dewy spring morning. Her lips looked shiny after her tongue swiped across them. She finishes and brushes a few stray strands of hair out of my face. “I really do like you, Billy. Don’t leave me in the dark like that ever again, okay?”

I nod. At this moment, as I look at her face, I realize I’d do anything she asks. “Whatever you want, babe.”

She shut the light off and slipped under the covers, I followed suit. There was a brief pause of comfortable silence. Till I got to thinking. I never felt such an intense feeling, relationship, trust, experience. She was an acid trip. She was peace. She was heaven and she was chaos. She was everything and I was set on living for my everything. It was at this moment I realized why I had felt so protective, so needy for her attention, so caring, careful and intrigued, so pliable and submissive to her every whim.

I had fallen in love.

This wasn’t good. The moment I realized it, it was like it was fighting to get out. Like it needed to get out before it grew more and broke my heart. She’d leave me, just like my mother.

But the voices, the doubt, it didn’t matter when I felt her shit beside me and her voice relaxed me like melatonin or a cup of tea in the morning. I was more of a beer and party at night but god, I could get behind this feeling. This indescribable high she had me set on. I was absolutely in love with her. I adored her. I was enamored. Max was right. It pissed me off beyond words… but holy shit, Max was absolutely right. I was head over heels and it was fucking terrifying.

“Are you okay, Billy? Do you need anything? Water? Food? Maybe clothes? I could steal some of my stepdads clothes… or you could wear some of my oversized stuff-”

“I’m good, princess. Thank you. I just… I really need to tell you something.” It was gonna come out. It had to. It had to or I was going to explode. I roll over to face her, only to find that she was already facing me. Even in the dark, I could trace her features. It was committed to memory. Imprinted in his mind. I certainly didn’t hate it. “Y/N. Don’t laugh. Okay? If you laugh, I’ll leave and sleep in my car.”

She nods. “Okay, Billy, just spit it out!”

“Fine. I-I… I love you. Like… love-love you. Like I wanna kiss you and hold you and hold your hand. I wanna… maybe… I don’t know, get married one day and live far, far away together. All by ourselves, happily alone…”

It was quiet. From what I could see in the dark, under the streak of moonlight hitting her just right, she was shocked. Her bottom lip pulled under her teeth. “I love you, too. I want all of that and more, Billy… but you can’t ignore me. Okay? Talk to me… I just wanna be there with you. For you.”

I have never smiled that big since I was kid, surfing in the waves with mom.

“Run away with me.” My voice was soft as I stared mindlessly at her lips.

“Billy…” She sounded cynical as she shook her head.

“C’mon. We both hate this town!” I place a hand on her hip.

“Think about what's here, though. Max. School. My best friend. Billy, be logical!” She was always so smart. So careful and meticulous. But I wasn’t having it. We could worry about the details and kinks later. For now. I just wanted to convince her to get away with me.

“I am! We’ll leave after graduation. I’ll save up money to get us someplace nice far away. Maybe back to Cali or we can even go to New York. I’ll go wherever, as long as it’s with you. So they can never touch us again, okay? Never again.”

Another beat of silence.

“Fuck… fine! Okay!” I celebrate with a mouthed ‘yes’ and a fist to the air, she rolls her eyes. “I hate the effect you have on me, Billy Hargrove.”

“Oh please! Get over here…” I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into me and smothering my face in her hair, taking a whiff of the scent and smiling brightly. I pull back to place my lips on hers, gently. Reveling in the feeling of her lips on mine again after far too long. “I love you so much.”

Sure, we can just be dumb teenagers with stupid plans.

“I love you more.”

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t okay with that. Especially not when the cold wind of Hawkins kisses my skin as it brushes through the small crack in the window and I doze off, holding my love in my arms.

healing

billy hargrove x gn!reader

word count: 5,445

warnings: swearing, smoking, mentions of past trauma (starcourt), slight sexual innuendos??

a/n: hi! remember when i made you do a poll for my 1k celebration? and one bed with billy won? well this is that fic! i'm sorry it took so long to get here, but school was kicking the ever loving shit out of me. anyways, i really hope you like it. it's a little different than other fics i've written, but i think that's a good thing. just for context, this is post the end of season three, with billy and hopper being okay and jopper being in full swing. i think that's all i wanted to say. thanks again for 1k followers. that's still so wild to me. i love you. and billy loves you too <333

————

November 1985

“No.”

“What do you mean no? You just fought an interdimensional being, don’t you want a vacation?” 

Lucas wipes both hands down his face, flopping down on the arm of the couch beside where Max sits with El between her knees, tying off one of the two braids she’s trying to make. 

“Max, can you help me? Please?” Lucas has been arguing about this for fifteen minutes. 

She rolls her eyes, but looks up from her work nonetheless. “Billy.”

The man in question crosses his arms, locking eyes with the redhead. “Maxine.”

Max finishes Eleven’s braid and she hops up to join Will where he’s working on a puzzle. Joyce brought it home from work a few days ago, and it’s been spread out on a card table in the corner of the living room since then. Will couldn’t watch The Golden Girls with Joyce from the kitchen table. 

“Just come with us, Billy. We all know you hate it here. It’ll give you a chance to get away for a little while.”

Except that’s not totally the truth. He doesn’t hate it here. Not with you around. 

“There’s a pool.” Will looks up, a little shyly, from the puzzle, fingers flipping around a single piece. “At the place Robin found.” 

Billy nods, and it’s enough to make Will smile at the acknowledgment. 

It’d been Steve’s idea, after everything that happened in July. He thought everyone going on a trip together might be a good idea. Go a little ways out from home, calm down. 

You and Billy started going to school, though Billy is still working. He found a job at a record store across the street from Melvald’s that opened after the mall went to shit. It definitely wasn’t his first choice, but it works. And he’s slowly fixing up the Camaro. 

Steve had offered to pay for the repairs in full, considering he did most of the damage when he rammed the side of it, but Billy couldn’t handle that. So far Max has only convinced him to let Steve cover the really expensive parts. It hurts Billy more than he’d care to admit—having Steve Harrington give him money. 

But he can’t lie, going somewhere away from Hawkins, even just for a couple days, sounds really nice. It’s the group part that’s bothering him. He’s still not used to everyone wanting him to tag along, but apparently major trauma brings people together.

There’s the slamming of car doors, and footsteps running up the driveway before the door swings open, Robin bursting in with a stack of movies in her arms. She’s followed by Dustin and then Steve, bags and keys being tossed every which way. 

Billy doesn’t see you for a moment and starts to worry maybe you aren’t coming. He’s already supplying excuses for having to go home, but Steve left the door ajar, and after a moment, there you are. 

You look sleepy, footsteps the quietest of everyone else as you carefully push the Byers’ door shut behind you. He watches as you accept a hug from Eleven, overhears her ask, “how did your test go?” 

He’s happy to hear you tell her it went well. It’s only after you’ve looked at her and Will’s puzzle and snapped a few more corner pieces in that you make a beeline for the open spot on the couch beside Billy. 

When you’ve settled, your knee bumps against his. “Hey.”

He looks at you, a little grin playing at the corners of his mouth. His arms are still crossed, thumb playing with the pendant resting on his chest. A chest surprisingly covered by a sweater, though the sleeves are pushed up. 

“Hey. Glad your test is over?”

That sound of his voice makes you smile, and he’s never been so grateful for something, even if it’s just an expression. “Yeah.”

You glance down at the new tattoo on his arm, a dark colored snake wrapping around the skin covering his elbow. You run your thumb across the tail that flicks across his forearm, and Billy relaxes into your touch. 

“You have work today?”

Billy shakes his head. You’re glad he had the day off. And you’d tell him so if it weren’t for the sudden bombardment. 

Lucas is suddenly standing in front of you, having returned from the kitchen where you think he and Dustin may have been cleaning out Joyce’s fridge. 

“Holy shit, thank god you’re here. I need you to convince Billy to go on vacation.” 

You glance at Max, assuming she’s already tried. She looks rather annoyed. “Lucas, would you sit down?”

The boy looks at Max, and she glares at him. Clearly he knows better and sits down next to her. 

“Billy doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do,” you finally say. 

The man in question turns to face you. You have to lean your head back some because of how close he is. 

“Are you going?” he asks, voice quiet and thick with something you don’t know that you’re supposed to notice. 

“Y-yeah. I was gonna. Robin only went on about it to me for an hour over the phone last night. I just think it might be nice to get away for a little while.” Billy doesn’t break eye contact with you, and while it makes you a little nervous, it tells you he’s listening.

“And I can watch Max for you if you really don’t want to go. Just make sure she doesn’t kill Lucas or anything.” Max snorts at your response, though Lucas looks at her in panic, already calculating how best to prevent that sort of situation. 

Your gaze softens and you fight the urge to reach out and run your thumb across Billy’s cheek. 

Please come with us. I want you to go. I want you there, you think. But it’s not what you say. You don’t know how badly he needs to hear it. 

“You really don’t have to go, Billy. Not if you don’t want to.”

“But there is enough space, man.” Steve stands behind the couch, handing El a scrunchie he retrieved from her bag. His voice is calm, informative. “If you decide to go. There’s plenty of room, and we’d be happy if you did.”

Billy could make some smartass remark. But he won’t. He knows that Steve is being honest, and that he’s not trying to be a dick. It seems that witnessing the guy who beat the shit out of you almost die not even a year after he moved to town really brings you together. 

Billy gives an acknowledging nod. “I’d be very happy if you did,” Eleven says. She loves having Jonathan as an older brother, really she does, but Billy lets her play with his hair. And in her books, that really ups the scale. 

He smiles at her, and El considers that a win. 

You notice him shift next to you, and then he’s leaning forward to whisper in your ear. “Come with me?” He cocks his head in the direction of the door. 

He gets up, assuming you’ll follow him. You always do. 

When you’ve shut the door, you move to the porch swing. It’s your favorite spot out here, and Joyce says it makes her happy to see someone use it. She used to sit there with Will in the mornings after Jonathan left for school and read to him. She did the same with Jonathan, but he was a much more fidgety kid, wanting to find something else to do. 

Billy lights a cigarette, and you watch where he fidgets with the ring on his middle finger. 

He’s standing a little ways away from you so as to not breathe the smoke directly in your vicinity, but you wish so badly that he was closer. You like having him close. The weight of his body next to you, the warmth, how solid his arm feels when it’s pressed to yours or when he slides down on the couch some and it's more so pressed to your side. 

“Which part of it are you worried about?” you ask him. 

He shrugs. “You really think they want me there? You think Max wants me around?” “Billy, I know she does. And I know that voice in your head is telling you that it’s a pity invite, but it’s not. And, besides…” you trail off, but he’s not having that. He needs you to reassure him. 

“Besides what?” 

You look up at him. “I want you to go. And yeah, I’ll be sad if you don’t go, but that shouldn’t sway your decision either.” You push your feet against the concrete porch a little harder, and the swing responds to the movement. You move quicker, now feeling very pleased with yourself. 

Billy almost laughs at the child-like look on your face, but you look so at home on the swing that he holds it in. A grin escapes nonetheless. 

“Say that again.” He stubs out his cigarette in the ashtray either Hopper or Joyce have left outside. He’s watching you again. 

“What?” He’s not gonna let you go all shy on him now. He needed to hear that. He needs to hear it. 

“You know what.”

“I want you to go.”

“Then it’s settled. Need to get out of this shithole anyways.”

————

The place Steve found is about two hours from Hawkins, with three bedrooms, a shockingly luxurious pull-out couch, and bigger common areas than you’ve ever laid eyes on. Excluding the ones in Steve’s house. In short, the rental is like Hopper’s cabin, if Hopper’s cabin were updated and substantially larger. It feels like the kind of place rich people have to take weekend trips. You’d rather not find out how much Steve is paying for the lot of you to stay there. 

Robin takes you on a grand tour while everyone else explores the backyard. Dustin is already determined to climb a tree. One of the rooms has two sets of bunk beds, dedicated to the four boys. “To ensure no cootie-spreading,” Robin proclaims. 

She and Steve will share the couch, with Max and Eleven in the smaller bedroom. 

Robin stops at the end of the hallway. “Which leaves…” 

You and Billy. 

You and Billy Hargrove.

Sharing a room. 

Sharing a bed. 

Speaking of, the man in question brushes past you, setting his bag on the floor at the foot of the bed. Robin takes that as her queue to leave and gives you a thumbs up on the way out. You hope she can feel your death stare on the back of her head, and she knows it, being quick to run down the hall. 

“So we’re roomies, huh?” Billy says, gathering his hair at the base of his neck. You hadn’t even realized he had a tie on him, and it takes him finishing off a lazy bun to realize it’s a blue scrunchie. You have to bite your lip to keep from saying anything. 

“I can sleep with Max and El, if you want. Or–”

That crease between Billy’s brows forms. “Why would you do that?”

You’ve gone all warm. You’d have to sleep in bed with him. And you sit next to him all the time, but this is different. Isn’t it?

Maybe it’s not so weird. You’re just friends. It’s like a sleepover, right?

“I don’t know, you might not want to sleep together or something.”

He cocks a brow, but you catch the double meaning of your words just in time. “You know what I mean, Billy.”

He sits on the end of the bed, and reaches out for you. You move towards him slowly, but the moment you’re within his grasp, Billy spreads his legs and grabs your waist, slotting your body between them. 

“You can go if you really want to. If you think I’ve got cooties or somethin’ and you don’t wanna share a bed with me.”

You snort, and Billy drinks in the sound, knowing he’s the one that made you laugh. 

“I don’t think you’ve got cooties.”

You realize in that moment that his hands haven’t left their spot on your waist, never straying anywhere else. The weight of them on you is enough to keep you focused on him, and he seems to acknowledge that. 

“Then what is it?” he asks, in that low drawl you fear could get out any answer he wanted from you. 

You hesitate, but say it anyway. “You don’t think it’ll be weird? Sleeping in the same bed?”

Billy fights the urge to rest his forehead against your stomach. He wants to tell you he’s wished you were in his bed on more than one occasion. Sometimes he just wishes you were there so it wouldn’t feel so cold, so he’d have someone to pull him out of his thoughts before they eat him alive altogether. 

“No, I don’t think it’ll be weird.”

You nod your head, and try to move back from him. 

Billy whines. “Uh uh. Nope.”

You go to put your hands on your hips, and they graze Billy’s on the way. He grabs hold of them. “You don’t want to have a sleepover with me?”

Billy’s looking up at you with those watery blue eyes, and you know this is a battle you’ll never win. 

“Really?”

He lets out a breath of a laugh, and your eyes fall to his neck when he tosses his head back. 

“Yeah, baby.”

Baby. 

It feels like every cell in your body has been sent into overdrive, like you can’t compute a single coherent thought. All because Billy called you “baby”. 

And if he’s being honest with himself, he feels the same way. He hadn’t meant to say it. It’s just that he calls you “baby” in his head all the time, and it just…happened.

“I’d love to have a sleepover with you, Hargrove.”

“Mhm. Thought so.” 

This time he lets the laugh out, and it’s a beautiful sound. The kind of sound you’d commit unspeakable acts to hear again. And this time, he does let his forehead drop to rest on your stomach. It surprises you, but you’re not mad about it.

“Oh, fuck off,” you say, and you can feel his chuckle against your skin.

When he quits, you find yourself just standing there, find your hands moving around his back. He’s always so warm. You rub your hands up and down his back, the denim of his jacket rough on your fingertips. 

You feel him shift, feel his change in position, the hard press of his chin against you. Billy is looking up at you, and you know he’s hoping you’ll return his gaze. His eyes bore into yours, and you hate to think of what you must look like from this angle. Clearly he doesn’t mind. 

You push a curl behind his ear, a shockingly perfect ringlet that’s too short to be contained like the rest of them. 

Billy would be taken aback by the gesture if it weren’t for the fact that you always go this easy on him. Like you know he’s healing, in more ways than one. 

“We can’t stay here forever, you know. I wanna go look around.” 

“Yeah,” he laughs. “I’m sure it’s riveting.” He lets you go anyway, following you down the hall to the rest of the cabin.

————

Your back rests on the base of an oversized chair, one that’s surprisingly comfy, your body in between Robin’s legs. She’s sitting next to Steve, watching you moderate El, Lucas, and Will play Twister. Dustin’s already out. 

“Right hand blue.”

“You’re kidding right?”

“Sinclair, have you never played this game before?”

Lucas scoffs, trying to reach the blue on the other side of the mat without toppling into Will. Max went with Billy to the store, but they should be back soon. You have a sick feeling they’re taking advantage of having been given Steve’s debit card. 

“Yes, I’ve played the game before. If you’re so good, why don’t you get down here and show us how it’s done, Harrington?”

“Yeah, Harrington, why don’t you show us how flexible you are?” Billy’s voice makes you look up from where you’ve been mindlessly twisting the spinner on the board around with the tip of your finger. 

He stands just inside the living room, holding the door open with his leg. He kicks it shut once Max has made it in. She heaves the paper bags she’d been holding up and onto the counter. Steve rises to help unpack them. You follow on instinct, handing the spinner to Robin instead, and Dustin is quick to take Steve’s spot before Mike can. 

Billy won’t let you take anything from him, but he will let you help figure out what the hell to do with all of it. “Do I even want to know how much you both spent?” you ask. 

He gives you that fucking smile, and you know you don’t. “Max said she wanted to have a spa night–whatever that means–with El, so we sort of split up. I’m sure Steve’ll live.” 

“For your information, Lucas,” Steve continues, clearly not ready to let the quips towards his limberness go, “I was the captain of the swim team.”

“What’s that got to do with being flexible, dingus?” Robin directs the two remaining players, the young boy in question having just busted his ass. 

“Swimming is an art form, Rob. You gotta learn to respect it.”

You choke on a laugh, and Billy is quick to rub your back while he chuckles into your shoulder. 

“Something funny over there?” Steve questions. 

You straighten, trying to wipe the smile from your face though it’s to no avail. “Nope, Steven. I’m sure you’re just incredibly stretchy. Like Mr. Fantastic.”

His brow furrows. “Mr. Fantastic?”

Dustin snorts, elbow deep in a bag of chips, and you quickly realize that you probably shouldn’t have given him an opening, but you don’t exactly regret it either. 

The lot of you spend the rest of the night in this fashion, playing games, eating way too much food, taking turns smacking the top of the television so your movie will keep playing. 

It feels like home. It feels safe. You wish it always felt this way. 

————

You’d just finished brushing your teeth when you hear the bedroom door click shut, hear footsteps you can tell are in search of you. 

You peek your head out of the bathroom and Billy grins at the sight of you in pajamas, a smear of moisturizer on your forehead you’ve yet to rub in. 

He squeezes in the small room, about the same size as his at home, to join you. There’s something about this moment, the domesticity of it, that makes your heart swell. It feels like something you could get used to, getting ready for bed with him. Neither of you have to say anything, you just do your own thing, but having him be there, having his presence–it’s more than enough for you. 

When you climb into bed, you try and read for a while, the sounds of Billy washing his face comforting you. You find it easy to read even when he does get in with you, the mattress sinking underneath his weight, the sheets rustling as he moves around experimentally, trying to get comfortable in a bed that isn’t his own. 

You feel odd though, reading when he’s right there, so it isn’t long before you close the book and slide further into the covers with him. Billy’s quick to turn on his side, wanting to see you like this. 

He watches you yank the blankets up to your chin, looking at him over a blur of fluffy white comforter. “It’s fuckin’ freezin’ in here,” you tell him.

“C’mere then.”

You burrow further into your pillow, fearing you know exactly what he’s going to suggest. “Huh?”

“You’re cold. You always whine about me being warm or somethin’ and I’m telling you to come here.”

“Billy.”

“Stop.” He lifts the covers up some, untucking you from them, and he wraps his arm around your back, tugging you into his side. 

Suddenly you’re pressed against him, having slid across the sheets easier than you’d have imagined. 

He’s let go of you, his arm hovering over your back. “You want me to hold you or no?” 

“Yeah.” 

Billy lets his arm drop against your side, his fingers splaying out over your back. He rubs his hand up and down your spine, hoping it’ll warm you up. “This okay?” 

“Yes.” 

He nods. You’re looking at him like he’s something special.

Billy realizes, in that moment, that that’s how you’ve always looked at him. Even before. 

He also realizes that your hands are tucked under your chin and your legs are curled up and into you like you’re afraid of making any contact with him. 

“You can loosen up, you know. It’s just me.” 

You let out a breath of a laugh, and he can feel it against the skin of his neck. 

“It’s okay, I promise. You can touch me.” Billy has this feeling that you’re afraid of hurting him. He’s sure you’ve noticed that he’s wearing a shirt to bed, something he never did before. And he thinks that you’re worried he’ll break. 

“You’re sure?”

“Wouldn’t have said so otherwise.”

He watches you unfold your hands and stretch your arm over him, hooking it around his hip. You want to rub up and down his side, but you’re nervous. 

It’s just me. 

“Do they hurt at all?”

Your thumb skates up a little further, and you don’t have to tell him what you mean. 

“Not all the time,” he says, voice low and thick with drowsiness. “At first, yeah, like hell. Now it’s just sometimes. They can feel a little tight, or just bug me. Depends, I guess.”

You nod, feeling brave enough now to slide your hand up a little further. Your touch is light, barely there. You close your eyes, trying not to think about when it happened. How he’d screamed. 

He can tell when you’ve calmed down some, because your arm relaxes and you hug him a little more firmly. You scoot in a little closer, close enough that your noses would touch if you tried to make them. 

“Goodnight, Billy.”

He makes the move, dragging the tip of his nose across your forehead. He kisses the top of your head, and you grin so wide you feel like a kid in a candy shop. 

“Goodnight, baby.”

————

When you wake up, you almost don’t want to disturb him, but you know you should get out of bed.

Billy is sprawled out on his stomach, having separated from you at some point during the night. His tank top is rucked up from the tossing and turning of sleep, and you look away when you catch a glimpse of pink skin. It doesn’t feel like your place to look. 

You wander out of the room, carefully shutting the door behind you. You make it down the hall, and find that Robin seems to be the only other one awake. You should’ve guessed. She told you once before that her body doesn’t seem to let her sleep in. 

Steve is still passed out on the pull-out couch, completely covered by the blankets. The only sign of him is a tuft of messy hair against the light colored pillow case his head rests on. 

Robin waves at you from her perch at the kitchen counter, a bowl of cereal in front of her. “Want some?” she whispers, pushing the box in your direction. 

You fill up your own bowl, having a feeling that Robin is about to ramble. 

“Sleep okay?” she asks. 

“Mhm. You?”

“Fine. Though, y’know, Steve is a horrific bed hog. Seriously, he was half on top of me the whole night. I might have to bunk with Max and El.” 

You laugh, and Robin takes that as her queue to ask what she’s been pondering since she woke up. 

“Was it okay? Sleeping with Billy? Well, not like that. Well, I’m assuming not like that, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I just meant like actually sleeping? Please stop me.”

You grin at her. “Please breathe, Rob.” She does, over exaggerating her inhales. “And it was fine.”

“Okay, good. I was kind of worried you’d be frustrated with my matchmaking tendencies. I just really want you two to be happy. And he seems so calm when he’s with you, and I realize I’ve just told you that I’ve been pushing you two together and I–”

You wipe milk from your chin, having almost spit out your cereal. “Robin, sweetheart, it’s okay, I promise. I know about your matchmaking tendencies. But I think we’re just friends, right?”

“Just friends, my ass.” You hadn’t even seen Steve get up, but he’s reaching for the fridge and pulling out a carton of chocolate milk. He really can’t say anything about Dustin’s eating habits when he has the exact same diet. 

“Oh my god.”

“Listen, I’m just saying, there’s been something going on between you two since before the world went to shit. I don’t know why you two tiptoe around each other like it’s not obvious that you’re in love.”

“Steve!” you exclaim. “Seriously, what the hell? I’ve been up for like twenty minutes and you two are schooling me on my love life?”

“Or lack thereof,” Robin says. 

“Okay, damn. You know what, I’m going back to bed.” 

Steve pushes your bowl back towards you when you attempt to get up. “No, you’re not. I’m just saying, there’s no sense in avoiding this. You both clearly feel a lot for each other, and I don’t see any reason to avoid it when you could be together.” 

He’s being vulnerable with you, his big brown eyes boring into yours and trying to convey how serious he’s being. 

“Just think about it, okay? There’s no harm in talking about how you feel with him. And don’t say that you don’t feel anything, because that’s a goddamn lie.”

————

Billy’s had his swim trunks on all day, but he hasn’t done more than sit in the shade by the pool while everyone else makes a mess and plays ridiculous games in the water. 

It’s killing him to watch you in there from time to time, swimming around or sitting in the shallow end. You told him once that swimming calms you down. 

It’s not until after dinner, when everyone has moved inside for the most part, though there seems to be the plotting of a water balloon fight out front, that he’s brave enough to head for the pool. 

You follow him out there, see him contemplating the water. 

“Whatcha doin’?” 

Billy drops the cigarette he’d been smoking, snubbing it out. “Thought about going for a swim,” he tells you. 

“That sounds nice.”

“Mhm.”

“I can go back inside, if you want.”

Billy turns to face you. “No. No, I want you to stay.” He wants you to see. He can’t explain why, but he does. 

“Okay.” 

He takes a shaky breath, hoping you don’t catch it. You do. You always do. 

“I just…wasn’t ready for everyone to see.”

“I understand, Billy.” 

You know what he’s really saying. He wasn’t ready for everyone to see. But he’s ready for you to see. 

“I can get in first, if that helps. And I won’t look if you don’t want me to,” you say. 

“That helps, yeah. And you can look. It’s okay.”

He watches you wade in, watches the way your swimsuit changes color as you tread water. 

Billy takes another deep breath, and he’s pulling his shirt off. He’s quick though, diving straight into the deep end, knowing he needs to get it over with. 

When he comes up, his hair is sticking to his forehead, and he flips it out of the way, giving you a glimpse of the broad pink scar on his chest. 

He meets you halfway, and you think he’s in a serious mood until he’s splashing you like a child. 

“You motherfucker!” 

You get him back, and he’s laughing. 

Billy is laughing and he looks so pretty in the last of the day’s sunlight, beads of water sliding over his collarbones and down his arms, and you feel like you could die. Like seeing him this way is enough. You don’t need anything else.

You try to return a particularly aggressive splash, but he catches your waist, pulling you up and over his shoulder. 

“Billy!”

“What?” His voice is teasing. He tosses the rest of the way over, your laughter fading out into the water. 

You come up, a brilliant smile on his face. Billy’s sure if you stood close enough you’d be able to hear his heart beating. 

When you’ve both gone quiet, your eyes drop to the scars on his sides, the way they stretch across his skin, mean and twisting. Some spots are darker than others, and while it hurts you to look at them, you know it must hurt him even more. But he looks just as beautiful as before, if not increasingly so. 

“See something you like?” Billy says it on instinct. To hide the fact that he’s worried you don’t really like it. That maybe you think he’s gross looking. But he knows that’s all in his head. He fucking knows it. 

“You’re fucking gorgeous, Billy Hargrove.”

You say it with such surety, such admiration, that he can’t even begin to doubt that you mean it. 

He smiles at you. It’s boyish. You’d do anything to see a million more of them. 

He moves towards you, the sky having darkened enough that the outside lights have come on, the lights in the pool too. All that remains of the sun is a slash of deep orange, though the night quickly pushes it away.

Billy’s got you backed up against the wall of the pool now. His hands find your sides.

It’s overwhelming, having him this close. You can feel his breath on your face, see the rise and fall of his chest, the freckles on his cheeks. 

When he kisses you, you think your heart stops. His mouth is warm against yours, and he tastes a little like chlorine, but you don’t care. Your hands find his face, and you’re smiling so hard that he pulls away because he wants to see. You don’t let him for long though, pulling him back, wanting more. He laughs into your mouth, and your chest aches with this feeling.

Eventually you do let go, and when you hold his eye contact, he knows what you’re going to say. He needs to tell you first, though.

“I’m in love with you, you know.”

“I know,” you respond.

He tosses his head back in a laugh, and you press a sweet kiss to his throat. 

“I’m in love with you too, Billy.”

“Damn right you are.”

You snort against his chest, lowering slightly to kiss his scar. His breath catches. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve you. 

“About fucking time!” Steve’s shouting and Robin is yelling, and Max would be making barf sounds if she wasn’t so pleased with seeing her brother so happy. 

“So much for that,” Billy says.

But you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

————

“I’m regretting this, Billy.”

“Stop whining.”

Billy wraps his arms tighter around your back, pressing a kiss to your jaw in hopes that you’ll let him keep doing this. 

“Get off.”

“No.”

“Get off, please.”

“Make me.” 

There’s the sound of a slap, your hand having met his ass.

He raises his head from where he’d buried it in your chest, looking at you drowsily. “You just spanked me.”

And you’d do it again. 

“Didn’t work, did it?”

“No. Shut up and take it.”

By that he means continue letting him lay on top of you, his entire body pressed to yours. It doesn’t matter to him that there’s an entire bed, one that’s made for two people.

You settle for playing with his hair, something he seems to enjoy, and you’d mess with him about the fact that he’s essentially purring if it weren’t for him looking so content. 

He might be heavy, but having Billy Hargrove sleep on top of you isn’t exactly something you just give up. 

He’s never had this before.

Hell, you’ve never had this before. 

And he thinks it’s healing him. More than the salve he puts on his scars, or the physical therapy, or fixing up the Camaro. 

You’re healing him. You. 

————

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