Brain Stuff - Tumblr Posts

what “feeling better” can look like after using a coping technique:

beng able to get up and walk around safely

thinking/talking more clearly and lessening of brain fog

a willingness to re-engage with a situation/emotion (even with some reluctance)

ability to do a task you did not want to/could not do before

being able to plan and problem solve (even if you still don’t know what to do)

improved concentration/focus

more understanding of a situation

calmer and slower thoughts (rather than scattered thoughts/rumination)

slower heartbeat and breathing

faster heartbeat, if doing exercise, and momentum that gives you a chance to do a task before you sit down again

being able to sleep easier

an ability to look at the big picture and not get lost in the details

feeling that you can “manage”

ability to control outbursts/destructive behaviour or pause before acting

managing to stop crying

I think people tend to assume their mood is what will improve after trying coping techniques, however, your mood is not the full extent of your mental health, and it doesn’t totally define whether or not a technique has helped you. When disorders cause symptoms like chronic emptiness and low mood, it’s worthwhile to pay attention to your body and your abilities to look for signs of improvement, which can then have an affect on your mood in the long term.

[-316] dies died will die

Here’s a 5 page comic about a weird project I spent the last month working on 🪲

I’m just a cartoon cat

My Pokémon ❤️💙

matryoshka

Call me Kd the way my dissociation is constant.

A reminder in case you ever doubt the strength of your friendships! We don't talk about security in friendships often, but it's a wonderful thing to know your friends care about you and are there to support you! 💕

If you tend to mindread, you might feel like you're bothering your friends, or even that they don't feel the same closeness as you do. But we should remember that the voices in our heads aren't always right, and we should trust that our friends would communicate with us if they did feel differently!

Chibird store | Positive pin club | Instagram

i secretly wish

everyone has an imp inside them that’s sensitive snd volatile and is constantly screaming. sometimes it wins. often if you’re unlucky. it happens. however you do not have to elect this imp as governor.

A google poem I made about DID (4.17.23)

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) a 'disorder of hiddenness' the brain in defense mode out of the shadows Fragmented minds in teens and young adults living from day to day bruised, emotionally numb, empty I felt so weird last night... Your perception a lack of connection you may feel as though you're possessed saying 'this isn't happening to me'. 'Was it real or did I imagine it?' In the face of trauma you semi-consciously cut yourself off words or images pop into your mind Who am I? Why do we exist? WHO ARE WE? Broken or separated into distinct parts completely different from moment to moment losing myself and finding myself Can people tell I'm dissociating? How do you know it's real? How do I bring myself back to reality?

short comic about my feelings on recurring psychosis

hello! i hope you are doing well.

i was wondering if you could explain double bookkeeping? and add some examples maybe?

my searches have come up very complicated.

i may be psychotic and i am trying to learn.

thank you in advance! (your blog is deeply appreciated)

Hi there! Double bookkeeping is when you hold two opposing things to be true at the same time, for psychosis we use it to talk about a specific type of insight that many people experience.

Insight is when you are aware on some level that your delusions might be the result of illness, and insight can exist at various levels and in various ways. Often there's an internal fight related to insight, so one day you might feel like "I think that my beliefs might not hold up with reality and that I might have a problem" and then another day maybe you think "oh no, I nearly fell for the conspiracy by thinking I was suffering with delusions". And there can be many in between states and more extreme states as well. It's not either or, it's a spectrum.

Double bookkeeping is when you at the same time do feel convinced of the delusional content, but you are also aware that you have a disorder that causes delusions and that your thoughts might be the result of that. Often this allows you to act in a way so as not to "arouse suspicion" about your delusions, bc you are still aware how it looks to people around you.

So you could say that you are keeping two "books" on reality at once, and they can't both be simultaneously true but you feel rather convinced that they are.

As an example I used to have a long-standing delusion that I somehow personally was the cause of the suffering experienced by living beings on this earth, it caused me a lot of guilt and self-hatred because I did believe it, but at the same time I didn't go ahead and "save the earth" by committing suicide, because I was aware that my beliefs didn't make sense in consensus reality and that if I was wrong, I would simply cause more suffering to my loved ones.

I hope this was helpful!

Which ones of these arbitrary trauma-induced rules do you follow?

No spending money, ever. what if you need it later and your life depends on it.

Assume that all strangers are 3 seconds close to becoming hostile. fawn to keep them friendly.

No delegating tasks. no telling other people to do things you could potentially do yourself. what if they mess up.

Assume that everyone will consider you a burden if you do 1 single mistake that inconveniences them. do all that is possible to not make that mistake.

Do not admit when things are going wrong. wait until theres no other option but to ask for help, and even then consider not doing that.

Always act like you're okay. not doing so might make you seem 'not normal' and 'accused of being crazy and unstable'.

Do anything for friends, even if it sounds weird, dodgy, illegal. you want to prove that you're fun and easy going and helpful and useful and extremely cool with anything.

Never let it show if you're suspicious of someone. never say out loud that you think their intentions are bad. that might set them off.

If hurt, hide and isolate. Do not let anyone see you hurt.

Do not ask help for problems you feel are your own responsibility to solve. Even if you don't see yourself solving them successfully. If you can't do it, assume nobody can help you.

Help others to try and build positive relationships. Don't accept help so you don't end up relying on them for anything.

Do not start things that involve help or participation from other people. People are not reliable.

Assume that institutions, government, police, social services, and any kind of groups of people are all considering you a nuisance, and would attack you on sight, in every single situation. Never rely on them or assume they would do anything else.

No arguing, confronting, or standing up for yourself unless the situation is absolutely unsurvivable otherwise. Lay low until doing otherwise is seriously damaging your mental health and ability to live.

Give up on hopeful social encounters before they disappoint you. If you have to interact with people, assume the worst is about to happen.

No allowing yourself to idealize, or dream of positive future with people. It's a trap and your expectations need to be either extremely realistic or low.

Assume that fancy and expensive things don't exist for you. Despise them and get away from them.

No comparing yourself and your life to how other people live. It causes depression and despair. Other people's lives and standards of living are none of your business.

Do not showcase any skill or brag about any achievement. Jealous people can destroy you for satisfaction.

Assume people think the worst of you and don't consider changing their mind. Just try to keep out of their way.

Do not display anger. You don't want to be called insane or get arrested. You don't know what people could potentially blame you for if you're openly angry. But other angry people are dangerous and you need to get away from them.

If you follow more than half of these, you have a trauma-induced problem. These are not normal or healthy. These are not developed in a healthy environment. These are extremely self-protective, isolating, ruled by terror of the world and the people living in it. If you follow these, something bad has been done to you.

Reassurance Masterlist

My blog is mostly harsh to read, so here’s every reassuring post I made:

When you feel it “wasn’t that bad”

How loving parents act towards their kids

You’ve done enough to try and understand your parents

Abuse towards you cannot be justified

Abuse and trauma have no benefits

When you feel you weren’t abused enough

There was nothing you could have done differently to avoid abuse

It’s not your fault you feel like you don’t belong

Talking about abuse isn’t whining

Craving abuse is not your fault

Self-harming is not your fault

Intrusive thoughts are not your fault

Nobody in your situation would be able to get it together

Needing attention, comfort and validation is normal and human

You’re allowed to feel your feelings

You cannot provoke abuse, and you did not ask for it

Abuser’s point of view is not valid

Abusive parents can’t tell you who you are

Responsibility for abuse lies on abuser, not on you

Your pain is not a burden on others

When you struggle to call yourself a survivor

You do not deserve abuse even if you feel addicted to it

Your abuser didn’t have to hurt you

Nobody made them abuse you

Your future won’t be lost even if you can’t move forward right now

You are alive because of yourself

There are good things in you even if you don’t see it

Your problem isn’t that you’re not good enough

You can make up for everything abuse damaged in you

Relapses are not your fault and can be time-related

Craving abuse can mean you’re only craving comfort

Survivors of abuse will strive to create an environment of compassion

Tell me when you get bored. A story about doses. [x]

I posted this on twitter and had a variety of aggressive ableism thrown my way.

This is a story about changing what I can in spite of what I cannot for the comfort of my loved ones. The thing that others find to be hurtful about me is that I like to spend time in silent solitude. People who love me often feel hurt that I tend to solve my own problems instead of leaning on them.

When we spend too much time together, people find my neutrality to be concerning, and it becomes too much for people to be unable to read me.

To show the people I love that I enjoy their company in ways they can understand, I pool my energy together to be high-energy, peppy, and social. Since this is not my natural state of being, it takes effort, which can only be expended in small doses. I amplify the things people like in me while filtering out everything they dislike about me when I am in their company.

I change my behaviors for those I love, but at the end of the day, I cannot change my neutral state of being, which is the thing that they want most out of me.

This is a story about me accommodating people in the best way I know how, not the other way around. I would truly appreciate it if people don't misconstrue this anecdote as me asking for dismissal of hurtful behavior when in reality, people find hurt in the fact that I simply exist, and I must change for them.

"it's okay, i can peel back the layers of you until i find the soft and gentle core of you you've had to work so hard to hide"? no. no, it's okay, i know you're hollow; i'm here anyway. you don't have to pretend it isn't masks the whole way down. whatever face you want to wear, i still love you. i don't need you to be good or unflinching or the antonym of violence. if i did, i wouldn't be here. i wouldn't ask that of you.

Inevitability