Bucky X Gnreader - Tumblr Posts

Already Gone

Pairing : Bucky x gn!reader

Summary : You wake up one day to find that Bucky's gone. You don't know why, or what happened. When he comes back, you sit down to have a much needed conversation.

Warnings : angst, established relationship, lack of communication, heartbreak, hint of eating disorder, Bucky doesn't talk much, he knows it's too late

Word count : 460

A/N : Hi guys, this is the first fanfic I wrote, I know I have a lot to learn so don't hesitate to give me feedback ! English is not my first language.

'Do you still want us to be together?'

'I don't know anymore...'

The words you'd both had been dreading to hear.

Bucky had been gone for a week, this is the first words you've spoken to him since that time. Your heart broke when you said them, but you couldn't ignore this, not anymore.

'You left.'

'I needed space.'

'But you didn't tell me. How do you think it felt when I woke to find out you were gone?'

You took a breath. You didn't want this conversation to be a fight.

'You needed space, fine. You need anything, that's okay, we talk about it and we figure it out. But you have to talk to me.'

'I didn't know how to say it.'

'We're in a relationship Bucky, without communication we don't have anything!

It's okay to need space. In fact, it's good to realise when you do.

What is not okay is for you to leave in the middle of the night without saying anything. No note, no nothing.'

'I texted you I was okay.'

'Yeah, the next day. After I'd been worried sick. And all you said was not to worry. I didn't know when you'd be back, or if you'd be back. I didn't know wether I'd done something wrong.

You left without telling me. I spent the worst week because of you. My last meal was the day before you left, I haven't slept, I was at my worst, I needed you and you weren't there.'

'I know, I screwed up, I'm sorry.'

'Sorry's not enough. Not anymore. You can't hurt me and then come back with a 'sorry' and expect everything to be okay.'

'I know.'

'I don't want it to keep happening either. I never want to hurt you. I'll do better, we'll do better.'

'This is not the first time I was hurt because of you, of us. We keep hurting each other no matter how much we try not to.

I cried all the tears I have. I don't want it to keep happening.'

'I don't know that we can.'

'What can I do to make it better?'

Bucky was in tears, you could see the hurt in his eyes. He was pleading, begging you to give him another chance. But it was all too much. You knew this was going to be some of the worst pain you've ever felt, but eventually you'd both be okay. You believed that. What you didn't know was if you'd both survive hurting each other again.

'I don't know that there's anything you can do.

We've built a relationship on the fear of losing each other. I don't know that we can come back from that.

We're unhappy when we're not together. We can't spend too much time apart.

I don't have a life outside of us and that's not fair!'

'I know it doesn't mean anything anymore, but I'm sorry.'

'I'm not saying all that's on you. It's on me too.'

You couldn't do this anymore. You couldn't be an us anymore.

'I love you. More than anything in this world. I don't want to lose you.'

I know it's missing a lot. It's basically a conversation with not enough description, not enough of an understanding of what the characters are feeling. I don't know how to do that yet but when I do, I'll rewrite it.

'I love you too. I'll always love you. But I'm already gone.'

It felt so good writing this. I hope you'll like it!