Day 0 - Tumblr Posts

Numb

How do you describe the feeling of feeling nothing?

It’s in the slit of light shining through the bottom of your bedroom door and hearing the laughter outside. Imagining being part of that, or maybe even causing those bellows of laughter, yet feeling absolutely drained and empty on the inside.

It’s the throbbing clench on your chest as you think of everything that could’ve been done better – all the things you could do better, should have done better – but knowing you won’t be able to push past the paralysing fear of opening your mouth. Even as you search for the fire that long since died, nothing ever satisfies gnawing ache.

It’s soiling your pillow, leaving stains that proclaim themselves saliva under sunlight, all while you stare at the darkened ceiling drowned in an ocean of night, unblinking. Unyielding.

It’s trying not to care, but caring too much anyway.

A Checklist Of Possible Reasons I Am Upset, To Review When I Can't Seem To Figure It Out:

did not eat

new hyperfixation and no time for it

have not done a creative in 24 hrs

Bad Sounds

clothes are touching my body

cold

people

one (1) comment is stuck in my brain like a popcorn kernel

last time I drank water was ??????

nervous nervous nervous nervous

got a Slightly Worse grade than expected

last hug was ??????

slept a full 45 minutes

lonely ............

guts are shredding (again)

have not seen sunlight in 24 hrs

stuck inside

too much screen time

Yay Overwhelm

room is disaster area

have not talked to Person in a while

bored

imposter phenomenon (again)

no current routine

how long have I been working???

Too Much Socialization

and then. and THEN. I may consider:

something is actually wrong

hi!!!

ha! you read my post. you are now required to do one nice thing for yourself today, it can be whatever you want

here's a high res picture of Mr. Ping from Kung Fu Panda to trick your brain into reading the text above this