Trying To Quit Smth Rn - Tumblr Posts

Numb

How do you describe the feeling of feeling nothing?

It’s in the slit of light shining through the bottom of your bedroom door and hearing the laughter outside. Imagining being part of that, or maybe even causing those bellows of laughter, yet feeling absolutely drained and empty on the inside.

It’s the throbbing clench on your chest as you think of everything that could’ve been done better – all the things you could do better, should have done better – but knowing you won’t be able to push past the paralysing fear of opening your mouth. Even as you search for the fire that long since died, nothing ever satisfies gnawing ache.

It’s soiling your pillow, leaving stains that proclaim themselves saliva under sunlight, all while you stare at the darkened ceiling drowned in an ocean of night, unblinking. Unyielding.

It’s trying not to care, but caring too much anyway.