Dead Goodfeathers Do Not Eat - Tumblr Posts

Brotherly Love: A Taboo Animaniacs Fanfic (Part One of Seven)

I warned you this was coming (check the tags). I told you, dog.

I was an older teenager when I wrote this. I'm pretty sure I had started college at the time. Somebody shared a dorm room with me while I was writing this nonsense. Possibly, they were writing similar nonsense; I went to a weird college.

Readers of my other account (that I haven't yet connected to this one) might recognize that I tried to rework this into a James/Meowth fic (but didn't get very far). Apparently, mapping Meowth, James, and Jessie onto Yakko, Wakko, and Dot might not work as well as I had previously thought.

Anyway, DEAD GOODFEATHERS: DO NOT EAT

Content Warning: Consensual romantic relationship between two siblings (just because I wrote about it in a story doesn't mean I'd do it; I have a sibling and I would never get bizzay with them); aged-up characters; terrible attempt at writing Scratchansniff's accent out phonetically; exhibitionism; questionable knowledge of psychology; big emotions, including: *extremely Gonzo voice* GUILT and *extremely Septa Unella voice* SHAME SHAME SHAME (ding ding); Yakko angst

-O-o-O-o-O-

All was quiet over Burbank that Thursday night. Yakko Warner sat on the balcony of the Warner Brothers Studio water tower, gazing over the city lights.

His two younger siblings, Wakko and Dot, were worn out from that day’s antics and were soundly sleeping in the bedroom the three shared. They hadn’t even stirred when Yakko closed the door of the water tower. Yakko should have been tired too, considering he wreaked just as much havoc as his siblings, but he had a lot on his mind.

Lately, he’d been having these “feelings.” They were similar to the ones he got when he looked at Hello Nurse, but more intense. Hello Nurse was pleasing to the eye—very—but that was it. He merely liked looking at her, not….doing things with her, like what he wanted to do with the object of these “feelings.”

The Warners didn’t age, being toons, but Yakko figured he should still have gone through puberty by now. He didn’t know much about this subject, having driven Ms. Flamiel off before she could teach them Health, but nevertheless, he was sure he wasn’t supposed to be having feelings for the person that he did.

A cold breeze chilled Yakko’s skin through his fur. He decided it was time to go back inside.

Before turning in, he decided to check on his siblings. Dot, on the bunk just above Yakko’s slept relatively quietly, occasionally muttering about how cute she was. Actually, Dot did look pretty cute when she was sleeping—a trait not many people possessed. And Yakko certainly didn’t expect the object of his affections to possess this trait, considering how gross he acted in his waking hours.

Yakko easily scaled the top bunk to gaze upon the object of his affection. His little brother, Wakko, lay curled up, pillow’s edge in his mouth, half-covered by the blanket.

Watching his brother sleep so innocently only forced the most dirty thoughts into Yakko’s mind. Hastily, he tried to expel them. “This is my baby brother! How could I ever think of doing those things to him?”

Looking shamefully down at Wakko, Yakko decided it was time for another cold shower.

-O-o-O-

For once in his life, Yakko was the last Warner sibling to wake up. Usually that honor fell to Wakko, but Yakko hadn’t exactly fallen asleep right after he went back to bed.

See, Yakko liked to talk. He talked almost every second of the day, to the point where Dr. Scratchinsniff threatened to duct tape his mouth shut. He even talked in his sleep, especially when something was bothering him. If Dot or Wakko had heard him, well….he didn’t want to think about it.

So one can imagine Yakko’s sheer horror when he woke up to Wakko, sitting by his bed, staring at him.

“Wakko, what are you doing?” Yakko shrieked, sitting straight up in bed.

“Watchin’ you,” Wakko answered calmly.

When Yakko realized that Wakko probably hadn’t heard him talking in his sleep—otherwise he would have been a lot less calm—he calmed down.

“I mean, what are you doing watching me,” Yakko said, more calmly.

Wakko shrugged. “You’re usually the first one up.”

Yakko sighed, relieved. However, Wakko took it as a sigh of exasperation and immediately drooped.

“If you don’t want me to, I won’t do it anymore,” he said in a small voice.

Yakko rushed to comfort him. “No, I don’t mind you watching me. Hope you’re enjoying the view.” Yakko flashed a cheesy smile at Wakko. Wakko giggled.

“God, what a cute giggle,” Yakko thought.

“I guess Dot’s already up,” Yakko commented, making the bed.

“She’s in the bathroom,” Wakko answered, throwing off his pajamas. He searched around for his blue sweatshirt.

Yakko turned around to look for his pants and let out a short cry of shock. He was staring directly at Wakko’s naked form. True, Wakko’s back was turned, and he didn’t normally wear pants, but still…. Yakko was fascinated by his brother’s lack of self-awareness sometimes. He suddenly turned away. “Stop gawking at your brother like that!” he mentally scolded himself.

“What happened?” Wakko asked, from under his shirt.

“I just stubbed my toe. I really should move the night table further away from the bed,” Yakko said, his eyes creeping slowly toward Wakko, who was still putting on his shirt and still naked.

At that moment, Dot came out of the bathroom. The minute she walked in the room, she shrieked. “Wakko, put your clothes on!”

Yakko saw a devilish smile come over his brother’s face.

“What if I don’t?” Wakko challenged, lifting his shirt higher over his head.

Yakko, despite his conflicting emotions, turned to the camera, blew a kiss and said, “Goodnight, everybody!”

Dot only rolled her eyes. “Wakko, if you don’t put your clothes on, I’ll be forced to….” She thought for a moment, then grinned menacingly. “I’ll be forced to call in a clown!”

Wakko’s eyes bugged out, then he very quickly slid his shirt onto his body.

Yakko raised an eyebrow. “Darn. I was beginning to enjoy that—WHAT?! NO!” He immediately slapped himself for thinking it. He put on his pants very quickly, hoping to hide the sudden protrusion.

As soon as the siblings finished breakfast, the phone rang. It was Dr. Scratchansniff, asking them to come in for their appointment.

Yakko was too consumed by his thoughts to even notice Hello Nurse, which really surprised Dot. Wakko, who was busy screaming, “Hello, Nurse!” didn’t seem to notice. Yakko felt a tiny pang when he saw his brother’s reaction to the voluptuous blonde. “How could I ever imagine that he’d feel the same way about me as I do about him?” he thought, sulking on the waiting room couch, oblivious to the bemused looks Dot gave him.

Dot gazed at Yakko. He definitely wasn’t himself today. Normally, he’d be talking a mile a minute, planning out exactly how he was going to fracture Scratchansniff’s sanity this week. And if he wasn’t doing that, he’d be happily looking at this month’s (or last year’s, depending on how diligently the magazines were replaced) issue of Toon Times. Today, he just sat there, looking as though he’d just been suckered into a conversation with Pip Pumphandle. Dot wanted to ask what was wrong, but she didn’t want to pry. Besides, she thought, he’ll probably be over it soon and be back to normal.

Dot, who wasn’t interested in any of the magazines, turned to Wakko to find him blowing spit bubbles. “Ew.”

Dot sighed. This was going to be a long wait.

Hello Nurse came out. “Yakko, Dr. Scratchansniff will see you now.”

Yakko dragged himself off the couch and trudged into the office.

-O-o-O-

Dr. Scratchansniff was shielding himself behind his desk, waiting for the inevitable explosion of Yakko entering. Honestly, every time the Warners came within a fifty foot radius of him, insanity and misery were sure to ensue. He couldn’t have one appointment without Yakko making sarcastic comments, Wakko doing something gross, and Dot getting off-topic and leading him on a verbal wild goose chase. A this rate, he was never going to get these kids de-zanitized.

“Vait a minute,” Dr. Scratchansniff thought. Instead of the usual noisy, zany greeting, he was hearing….silence?

The psychiatrist emerged from behind his desk to find Yakko, sitting quietly on the couch in front of him. He didn’t even seem to notice the doctor; he absently traced the wrinkles in the upholstery with his fingers, a pensive expression crossing his visage.

Scratchy had never seen Yakko this quiet. Ever. Even if he wasn’t talking, he’d usually be sitting there, smirking at the trouble that lay in store for the psychiatrist. Yakko didn’t seem to be plotting any kind of chaos; he seemed to be lost in his own world.

Scratchy cleared his throat to get Yakko’s attention. Sure enough, Yakko dragged his eyeballs up to meet Scratchy’s.

“Oh. Hi, Scratchy,” he muttered lethargically, punctuating his speech with a heavy sigh.

“Yakko, you seem to be awfully quiet today. Vhat seems to be zhe problem?” Scratchy asked, expecting Yakko to drop the act and start the chaos any second.

“Nothing.” Yakko mumbled.

Scratchy noted this on his pad of paper. This seemed serious.

“Yakko, if zhere ist a problem, you know you can tell me,” Scratchy said in a gentler tone. “Das ist vas I’m here for.”

“Okay, but I don’t think you’re gonna like it….”

“Try me.”

Yakko took a deep breath. “I think I’m attracted to my brother.”

Scratchy raised an eyebrow. This was new. He’d dealt with patients who had issues with incest, but it was a whole different story now that it was a Warner in the situation.

“You think I’m disgusting, don’t you?”

Scratchy looked up from his notepad. Yakko was staring at him, a hurt expression on his face.

“Nein, nein, I am not here to judge. Now, Yakko, are you sure zhat it is attraction you are feeling tovards Vakko?”

Yakko stared at him. “I. Want. To. Make. Out. With. My. Brother. Yes, I’m positive I’m attracted to Wakko,” Yakko retorted.

“Hmm….” Scratchy wrote on his pad some more. Yakko couldn’t take it anymore.

“You gotta help me, Scratchy! I’ve been hiding it from him all along and it’s eating me up inside! It’s only a matter of time until I slip up and say it or I say it in my sleep! I can’t have my brother thinking I’m some kind of freak!” Yakko jumped on Scratchy’s desk. “Seriously, I’m starting to find his lack of hygiene sexy,” he whispered behind his hand.

“Zhe only zhing I can suggest right now is writing zhese feelings in a journal. I vill have to zhink about zhis some more before going further,” Scratchy answered.

Yakko sighed, relieved. Maybe if he wrote his nasty little thoughts down, he wouldn’t have the urge to yell them from the top of the water tower anymore.

“Thanks, Scratchy! I’ll send Wakko in.” Yakko hopped off the desk and skipped out the door.

Scratchy knew he’d be able to refrain from telling Wakko about Yakko’s feelings for him. However, he still wasn’t exactly looking forward to this appointment. His office hadn’t smelled right since the last one. Plus, he could never get very far in de-zanitizing him because he never said much.

“So, Vakko, is zhere anything you vant to talk about?” Scratchy asked.

“Like what?” Wakko responded.

“Like…. Your relationship vith your siblings.”

“Oh.” Wakko smiled. “It’s fine.”

“Care to elaborate?” Scratchy pressed.

“It’s….really fine?”

Scratchy sighed. “Anything else? How about your day?”

Wakko thought for a while, then perked up. “I actually got up before Yakko! But not before Dot.”

“Go on.”

“And….she got into the bathroom first and took forever. So I didn’t shower.” Wakko grinned. Scratchy rubbed his temples.

Dot’s appointment was a little better. Scratchy got more out of her—maybe more than he wanted.

“So, Dot, vould you like to tell me about your relationship vith your brozers?” Scratchy asked.

“They’re cool most of the time, but sometimes Yakko talks in his sleep, which gets really annoying because he’s always yelling, ‘Hello, Nurse!’ And Wakko can be kinda gross. Like today, he didn’t take a shower—he hasn’t for two weeks now—and he wouldn’t put on his clothes until I threatened to sic a clown on him. Actually, now that I think about it, that was kinda funny.” Dot giggled.

Scratchy looked up in surprise. “He….vouldn’t put on his clothes?”

“Yeah, and it really seemed to freak Yakko out. I don’t know why, though, ‘cause they take baths together and they have the same stuff. Mostly.” Dot shrugged.

Scratchy was furiously writing on his notepad. Dot got bored and started balancing on her tail. She found that she could almost see Scratchy’s notepad.

“Whatcha writing?” she asked.

Scratchy held the pad against his chest. “Notes.”

“Oh. “ Dot got off her tail.

In the end, Scratchy didn’t call them in for a group appointment. Based on his notes, he had a lot to work through before he even made a dent in their zaniness.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If you lock three volatile cartoon characters in a tower and expect them to stay sane after sixty years, you're playing yourself.

Brotherly Love: Wakking Off (Part two of seven)

I have this theory that the Warner siblings are Set animals (like from ancient Egyptian lore), so the rules of mere mortals don't apply to them. One of Set's many domains is disorder and chaos, so I think it checks out.

Now watch teen!me write two of them acting like King Tutankhamun's parents.

Part one is here.

DEAD GOODFEATHERS DO NOT EAT

Content Warning: Consensual romantic relationship between two siblings; aged-up characters; questionable knowledge of psychology; godsawful usage of mid-noughties slang; big emotions, including: *extremely Gonzo voice* GUILT and *extremely Septa Unella voice* SHAME SHAME SHAME (ding ding); just two bros taking a bath together, sniffing each other's fur, tongues and tails twining whatevs

-O-o-O-o-O-

Yakko had been writing in his journal for three days.

It wasn’t working.

He figured he’d try Scratchy’s suggestion. It was only a start, Scratchy had said, but it might actually be enough to quell the incestuous thoughts Yakko had.

But the more Yakko wrote, the stronger the feelings grew. It got to the point where many of his entries were accompanied by a few diagrams of what exactly he wanted to do to his brother.

He also had to worry about hiding it. He had it hidden under his mattress, but what if they decided to make a mattress fort and it fell open as they moved the mattress? Every page included either a horrifyingly graphic description or a picture, so there was no way they’d miss it.

It got to the point where Yakko decided he just needed to maybe avoid Wakko for a while.

For the next three or four days, Yakko kept his distance. If Wakko entered the room, he left. He sat as far away from Wakko as he could at meal times. When the time came for them to take a bath, Yakko suggested they take separate ones. Wakko looked like he’d cry and it tore Yakko up inside.

The following night, Dot announced, “I’m going to the mall with Hello Nurse!”

Yakko’s heart skipped a beat. He’d be all alone. With his brother.

“The mall?” he asked.

“Yes, the mall. You know, with the stores, the food court, the pushy salespeople trying to unload their soon-to-be-outdated cell phones?” Dot said.

“Aaaah…Are you sure you want to go to the mall?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Really sure?”

“Positive.”

“Shiggity-sure?”

Dot stared Yakko dead in the eye and said, “Not only am I sure, I am shiggity-sure for shizzo my nizzo.” Then she left before Yakko could ask any more questions.

Yakko sighed. He was all alone. With Wakko.

Or not. He didn’t see Wakko around. Where was he?

Yakko looked all over the water tower. When he got to the bedroom, he found Wakko, sitting on his bunk.

“Wakko, what are you doing in here?” Yakko started to ask, until his brother turned around.

Wakko was crying.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Wakko asked in a small voice.

“What made you think that?” Yakko asked, sitting down on the bunk.

“You always leave when I come in. You won’t sit next to me. You didn’t want to take a bath with me.” Wakko sniffed.

Yakko winced. He didn’t think that Wakko would notice his avoidance. Wakko did, however, notice the wince.

“I knew it. You were avoiding me.” He turned away from Yakko.

Yakko mentally scolded himself. He was always forgetting how sensitive Wakko was. He should have thought that what he was doing would hurt his feelings. He also never realized how much he underestimated his little brother. He should’ve known he’d figure something was up.

“Yes, but I wasn’t trying to be mean to you,” Yakko said, gently putting a hand on Wakko’s shoulder.

“Why else would you do it, then?” Wakko still refused to face him.

“Because….well….I don’t know if I should tell you….”

“What? You don’t think I’ll understand? You think I’m stupid, don’t you.” Wakko attempted to jerk himself away again, but Yakko held him still.

“No, it’s just a really weird reason,” Yakko tried to explain.

“Try me.”

“It’s because I love you.”

Wakko stared at Yakko, confused.

“Not just that kind of love. I mean, I love you. I want to kiss you, and make out with you, and lots of other terribly graphic things that I’ve written down in a little book that I keep hidden under my mattress.” Yakko exhaled, waiting for the inevitable scream.

Only, it never came. Yakko looked at his little brother. The confused look was gone, replaced by a stolid expression.

Suddenly, Wakko took Yakko’s face in his hands and brought it closer to his own, until he began to kiss him.

It wasn’t like one of those kisses they did to their “special friends,” either. It was a bona fide on-the-lips kiss. It turned into more when Yakko realized there were two tongues in his mouth and only one of them was his. Until now, it had never occurred to Yakko that Wakko could do a whole lot more with his tongue than use it as a tape measure and let it dangle out of his mouth.

When it was over, Yakko barely heard Wakko ask, “Did you like it?”

“Holy….” was all Yakko could say. He had no idea his little baby brother could kiss like that. “Where did you learn that?!”

“From all the girls I went out with,” Wakko answered.

Yakko blinked a few times. “Well….That was amazing. But why didn’t you say anything before you did it?”

“You know me. I like to be more….physical.” Wakko flashed a carnal smile at Yakko.

Yakko was floored. He’d always thought of his little brother as being somewhat innocent. Clearly, he was mistaken. However, he wasn’t disappointed.

Yakko’s eyes must’ve been bugging out, because Wakko dropped his carnal grin. “Was that too much?”

Yakko smiled. “No, just a little too fast. How about….” He moved closer to Wakko, in a cuddle. “We start here?”

Wakko cuddled back. “Faboo.”

-O-o-O-

Dot came back from the mall a few hours later. “I’m home!” she announced to the house.

Nobody answered. Dot pouted.

“They all went to bed and now I’ll have to wait to show them all the cute clothes I got.” Dot skipped to her room to put away her clothes.

As she got out her pajamas, she noticed that Wakko’s bunk was empty. Maybe he wasn’t asleep?

Dot shrugged, then went to the bathroom to get changed and washed up. She listened for signs that Wakko was still up, but heard none. When she went back to the bedroom, she realized why.

Both Yakko and Wakko were sleeping on Yakko’s bottom bunk. They were tucked in, nice and snug, and Yakko had his arm around Wakko, almost protectively.

Dot had to admit it was cute—and she should know. She figured Wakko just had a bad dream and couldn’t fall asleep without his big brother to protect him. She hoped it wasn’t because of the clown comment she’d made a few days ago.

“Oh, well,” Dot thought. She hopped into her bunk and immediately went to sleep.

-O-o-O-

The next morning, Yakko was the first one awake. He wondered if the previous night had really happened, or if it was all some crazy dream. Then he looked down at his little brother, sleeping cutely on his arm, and knew it was real.

Yakko looked at the clock. It was barely even 7:00. Normally, he’d just go back to sleep until 9:00, but he decided he’d just watch Wakko sleep for a while.

He didn’t get to watch him long, as Wakko began to wake up. Yakko gazed down at him, lovingly, as he stretched his little body, then smiled up at Yakko.

“Wanna go at it again?” he asked, sleepily, wiggling into a sitting position.

“I’d love to, but we might wake Dot,” Yakko answered. Then, he got a idea. “Since we didn’t take our bath together yesterday, why don’t we do it today?”

Wakko perked up in response.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’”

Very quietly, the two went down the hall to the bathroom. Wakko got out their washrags while Yakko ran the bath. As he was pouring the bubble bath into the measuring cup, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye, that grabbed his attention and held it hostage.

Wakko, having gotten the washrags out, was starting to undress. Yakko watched as he slid out of his blue nightshirt and tossed it onto the toilet. Then he took off his red cap and placed it gingerly on top of his shirt.

Yakko stared, until he realized that the tub was slowly filling up with bubbles. He capped the bottle clumsily, unable to take his eyes off his naked brother. Just then, Wakko turned around and Yakko jerked his gaze in the other direction.

“Yakko, what’s wrong?” Wakko asked, going over to his brother, who still couldn’t seem to close the bottle.

“Nothing. Nothing at all! This bottle is just really hard to close, which is odd because normally I can never get it open. Man, they’re child-proofing everything these days, aren’t they?” Yakko liked this verbal diarrhea even less than the speechlessness that preceded it.

“You’re rambling. And why won’t you look at me?”

Yakko felt his head starting to turn, but resisted. “You’re naked.”

“We’ve seen each other naked before.”

“Yeah, but now it’s different. It’s like we’re….” Yakko struggled to get the word out. “Lovers. I still can’t get over the idea that maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

Wakko gently turned Yakko’s head downwards to face him. Yakko was now staring at his little brother in all his naked glory. The most frightening thing about it was that without his cap, Wakko looked a whole lot like himself.

“You even look like me. A constant reminder that we’re carrying out incest,” Yakko continued, nearly entranced. “It’s not that I don’t want to do it. But what would happen if someone should find out? What if they separate us?”

Yakko was silenced by Wakko’s body pressing against his own. “If we’re very careful, nobody will know. Even if they do find out, they’re not going to take us away from each other. I won’t let them.”

Yakko needed no more persuasion. “Then let us commence our bath,” he said, grinning and sliding off his pants.

The brothers climbed into the tub. Submerged up to their waists in bubbles and water, it appeared as though they were innocently taking a bath together—if you completely ignored the fact that they had their arms around each other and were inches from kissing.

Yakko suddenly felt something move his tail. He looked down and saw Wakko’s tail tentatively rubbing against his own.

Yakko smiled, intertwining his tail with that of his brother. Soon, Wakko was pressed against Yakko’s chest, kissing the side of his neck, while Yakko rubbed his nose against Wakko’s head.

Suddenly the door opened. Dot poked her head in. Luckily, Wakko’s head was facing away from the door, so it merely looked like Yakko had his nose on Wakko’s head. Both turned to look at her.

It still looked weird, and Dot made no secret of this with her facial expression. “What are you doing?”

“Um….Sniffing Wakko’s fur,” Yakko answered. “This new shampoo smells great!” Yakko took a huge whiff of Wakko’s head and had to quickly hide how intoxicating he found the scent. Wakko only continued to stare dopily at Dot, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

Dot must have been convinced, because she dropped the “what the hell” expression and said, “Okay!” Then she skipped off to the bedroom.

The minute the door closed, Yakko gave a sigh of relief. “That was close.” He turned to Wakko with a serious, but loving expression. “Maybe we ought to wait until we’re sure nobody will catch us. Or get a ‘Do not disturb’ sign.”

“It’s a little late for the sign, isn’t it?” Wakko said, lapping at Yakko’s neck.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Always be aware of how many tongues are in your mouth.

Brotherly Love: All Three Warner Siblings Have Questionable Taste in Men (part three of seven)

Might as well release more of that old Yakko x Wakko fic into the world.

₮ⱧɆ ₩ØⱤⱠĐ ₭₦Ø₩₴ ₩Ⱨ₳₮ ł₮ гР₮Ø ĐɆ₴ɆⱤVɆ ₮Ⱨł₴

Part one is here. Part two is here.

DEAD GOODFEATHERS DO NOT EAT

Content Warning: Consensual romantic relationship between two siblings; aged-up characters; questionable knowledge of psychology; godsawful usage of mid-noughties slang; citrus scale: lime (adult fun-time happens, but is not shown); however, the lead-up to the adult fun-time is described in detail; big emotions, including: *extremely Gonzo voice* GUILT and *extremely Septa Unella voice* SHAME SHAME SHAME (ding ding); animane-y, totally insane-y, Dot is slut-shame-y

-O-o-O-o-O-

For the next few days, the Warner brothers kept their romance on the D.L. Even when Dot was not in the room or asleep, they refrained from attempting to get in a quick kiss or cuddle.

However, the more they tried to hide it, the harder it got. Yakko wasn’t sure he could keep himself from giving Wakko seductive winks from across the room. Wakko wasn’t sure if he could keep himself from flat out glomping Yakko.

One day, Dot exclaimed, “There’s a Mel Gibson lovers’ convention this weekend!”

They were all sitting at the table, eating pizza for dinner. When Dot turned to look at the calendar, Wakko couldn’t help himself. He snuck a quick kiss on Yakko’s nose, then went back to devouring his pizza (and the box) long before Dot turned around again.

“I’ll definitely have to go to that,” Dot continued. “It starts on Friday and lasts until Monday.” She turned to her brothers. “Think you can survive without me for four days?”

Yakko and Wakko looked at each other. Four days….With nobody but themselves around.

“It’ll be tough, but I think we’ll manage,” Yakko said. “We wouldn’t want to keep you from your ‘future husband.’” He twiddled his fingers to add air quotes.

Dot playfully flicked Yakko’s nose. “A girl can dream, can’t she?” she said with a smile, then went to pack.

When Yakko was sure she was gone, he gently touched Wakko’s hand. “We’ll have the tower to ourselves for four whole days. Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Way ahead of you,” Wakko responded.

The next night, Friday, Dot left for the convention with Hello Nurse, who was also a fan. There weren’t any waterworks, but it still felt weird for the siblings, as they had never really been separated before.

However, Yakko and Wakko didn’t let the (very) slight separation anxiety get them down for long. First, they took their bath—with no interruptions and plenty more kissing.

That night, they sat together on Yakko’s bunk. They didn’t cuddle, they just sat in silence, enjoying the mere fact that they were alone together. It was almost as if they were waiting to see how long they could last without physical contact—or waiting for something to interrupt them just as it was getting good.

They weren’t waiting long, because after a few minutes, the brothers sprang up and went at each other more vigorously than they had before. Yakko ran his hands over Wakko’s ears, kissing his head as Wakko pulled Yakko on top of himself, licking Yakko’s neck as he moved.

Yakko began to get really into it. He eventually began to work his hands down Wakko’s body. He caressed the blue-clad arms, wishing he could touch the actual flesh. Wakko had moved south to kissing Yakko’s chest.

Yakko worked his way down until he got to Wakko’s waist. He suddenly stopped. Did he really want to undress his little brother? Was this really the right thing to do?

Wakko looked up at Yakko, puzzled. “Why’d you stop? It was getting really good.”

Yakko backed off, then sat back on his feet. “I think I got into it too much.”

“What do you mean?”

“I lost myself in the moment. I….I wanted to touch your body, and not just through your clothing, but I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do.”

Wakko lay in front of Yakko a few seconds longer, then took off his shirt. Yakko could almost feel a certain area in his pants start to grow. He looked down and realized that the protrusion was not, in fact, baloney in his slacks.

Wakko looked at Yakko’s crotch, then back up at Yakko. “We can take care of that.”

“That’s all well and good that you feel the same, but if we do this now, there’ll be no turning back. We’ll be up to our necks in the type of situation only allowed if our names were Ptolemy,” Yakko said, trying desperately to get it down. It wasn’t working. Wakko was being so calm, it was scary.

“Do I get to be Ptolemy I or do I have to play Ptolemy II?” Wakko asked. “Anyway, I don’t want to go back.”

“And we’re basically kids! I mean, we’re not really kids, seeing as how we’ve been around since the ‘30s, but we don’t exactly age normally, so we’ll always be forever young,” Yakko started rambling again.

Wakko sat up, his tail working its way up Yakko’s body.

“And what if you don’t like it? I mean, I’ll probably be fine, but what if we’re just not ready to go this far? It’ll be like I’m rap—”

Yakko was cut off by Wakko giving him a long sultry kiss, using that incredible tongue of his.

“I’m ready. You wouldn’t be raping me, we’re technically both adults, I don’t care if you’re my brother, and nobody’s going to find out. Really, Yakko, it’s going to be okay. Now please,” Wakko’s voice shook slightly, “just give it to me.”

Yakko felt a slight pressing on his leg. It took him a while to realize that that wasn’t Wakko’s tail.

He looked back at Wakko. He could see the longing in his eyes. He began to wonder how long he’d felt this way. Was he feeling this way longer than Yakko had? How much longer?

“You’ve felt this way for much longer than I have, haven’t you?” Yakko found himself asking. “You’ve had to hide it all this time.”

Wakko looked away. “You’re having second thoughts, aren’t you? You think I’m disgusting.”

“No, I don’t. I just didn’t want to do something that might hurt you,” Yakko soothed, putting his hands on Wakko’s naked shoulders. “But clearly not doing this now would be detrimental to your sanity.”

Wakko grinned up at Yakko. “I have no sanity.”

“Which is why I’m concerned. It’s illegal to do the horizontal hokey-pokey with a crazy person,” Yakko said.

“You’re not exactly sane yourself.”

“Right you are, little brother.”

And with that, Wakko proceeded to show Yakko just how insane he could get.

-O-o-O-

Dot entered the dark water tower as quietly as possibly, in case her brothers were asleep.

The convention hadn’t been as fun as she’d thought it would be. Sure, Mel Gibson was there, but with the huge lines of people, one could barely get five seconds with the guy. Then he had to leave early to work on another movie—something about “passion.”

“Speaking of passion,” Dot thought, taking out her newly autographed photo of Mel Gibson, “I wonder where I could put this up. I’m running out of room over my bed.”

Dot shrugged, put the picture back in its folder, then continued to her room. “I’ll figure it out later.”

As she was putting her things away, she noticed Yakko and Wakko in the same bunk again. Wakko was snuggled up against Yakko, surprisingly not wearing his red cap.

“Well, that’s a first. He never takes that thing off,” Dot thought.

Just like the other night, Yakko had his arm around Wakko in the same protective manner.

“Wakko seems to be having a lot of nightmares lately,” Dot thought, climbing onto her bunk. “I wonder what he and Yakko have been watching while I was gone.”

Had Dot looked more closely, she would have noticed that both Yakko and Wakko were naked.

-O-o-O-

The next morning, Yakko didn’t get to watch Wakko sleeping at all, because Wakko woke up first.

Wakko stared up at his sleeping brother, his eyes travelling up and down the arm around his own body. He smiled just as lovingly as Yakko had when he was in this situation, only Wakko’s smile was more dopey due to his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth.

He was deeply in love with his older brother. He’d still be in love with Yakko even if they weren’t doing all these fun things together. But Wakko needed to get physical with Yakko. He’d never been much for words, but if he could show Yakko how much he loved him, his message would get through.

He felt the arm under him stir as Yakko began to wake up.

Yakko carefully moved his arm so he could prop himself and look at Wakko. “So, about last night,” he started with a grin.

“Was I good?” Wakko asked hopefully.

“Good? You were wonderful! I don’t really have any idea of how it should have gone, but I don’t care! The nipple-honking was a nice touch, too.” Yakko moved in closer.

Wakko moved even closer to Yakko. “Are you up for another round?”

“When do you want it?” Yakko took his brother into his arms.

Dot was in the bathroom, going about her cuteness routine. This involved showering, washing her hair, blow-drying and combing, a blood sacrifice to Venus, and brushing her teeth before finally picking an outfit and flower scrunchie.

Just as she was about to get into the shower, she realized she’d forgotten her blow-dryer in the bedroom. She could always get it after her shower, but then her hair would drip all over the floor and leave a wet trail, and they had a house rule about no pratfalls before 10:00 AM.

“I’d better get it now.” She headed to the bedroom.

When she arrived at the door, she sensed she should stop. She stopped and heard Yakko and Wakko talking through the partially opened door.

She peeked through the crack and saw Wakko standing, stark naked, in front of Yakko. And Yakko didn’t seem as freaked out as he had the last time Wakko stood around naked. In fact, he looked like he liked it.

“Is it hot in here or is it just me?” Yakko was saying, fanning himself, supposedly at Wakko.

“It’s both of us.” To Dot’s shock, Wakko’s voice had taken on a sultry tone.

Then Wakko went over to Yakko and began to kiss him—on the lips.

Dot watched in horror as Yakko picked Wakko up and put him on the bed, while Wakko had his hands firmly around Yakko’s waist. By the looks on their faces and the movement of their mouths, she could tell that Wakko’s tongue had decided to pay Yakko’s mouth a visit.

Dot turned away from the door. She couldn’t go in there now. She couldn’t even think of what to say.

“What the hell was that?!” Dot thought. “Yakko and Wakko—disgusting! How could they do such a thing?! I thought Yakko knew better than that! And Wakko’s pretty gross, but even that’s nasty for him!”

Dot wanted to kick the door down and yell at them, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. “I don’t even know what to say to them, I’m so angry. I can’t even bear to look at them right now.”

Dot ran back to the bathroom to take a nice long shower.

-O-o-O-

Wakko sat in the kitchen, in his pajamas.

Shortly after they’d finished kissing, Yakko went out to get the paper. Wakko spent time finding his cap (it’d fallen under the bed the night before) and made the bed, something he rarely did.

Whe he finished, he went to brush his teeth, but the bathroom was occupied. He’d figured Yakko had gotten the paper and needed to go, so he decided to eat first, since he was pretty hungry.

They had forgotten to buy cereal, so Wakko found a box of ramen noodles and nuked them (in the microwave, not with a literal nuclear weapon).

He was about halfway finished when a half-soaked figure marched into the kitchen.

It was Dot.

“You tongue-sucking harlot!” Dot screamed. She’d been unable to quit thinking about her brothers and as she showered, she’d only gotten angrier.

“How could you do that with Yakko?! Don’t you have any decency?! He’s your goddamn brother, for Pete’s sake! You just seduced him like some twopence trollop! Do you even understand what you’ve done? You don’t, do you?! I thought you were just gross, but now I know you’re an incestuous WHORE!” Dot shouted. She’d never been so angry at her brothers in her life.

There was silence as she caught her breath and Wakko stared at her with a look of absolute terror on his face.

“And you’re not a college student, so why are you eating ramen for breakfast?!” Dot hollered before stomping out of the room.

-O-o-O-o-O-

And the moral of today's story is: If you catch your brothers making out with each other, take a shower, but be careful not to drip water everywhere. Safety is important.