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Brotherly Love: A Taboo Animaniacs Fanfic (Part One of Seven)

I warned you this was coming (check the tags). I told you, dog.

I was an older teenager when I wrote this. I'm pretty sure I had started college at the time. Somebody shared a dorm room with me while I was writing this nonsense. Possibly, they were writing similar nonsense; I went to a weird college.

Readers of my other account (that I haven't yet connected to this one) might recognize that I tried to rework this into a James/Meowth fic (but didn't get very far). Apparently, mapping Meowth, James, and Jessie onto Yakko, Wakko, and Dot might not work as well as I had previously thought.

Anyway, DEAD GOODFEATHERS: DO NOT EAT

Content Warning: Consensual romantic relationship between two siblings (just because I wrote about it in a story doesn't mean I'd do it; I have a sibling and I would never get bizzay with them); aged-up characters; terrible attempt at writing Scratchansniff's accent out phonetically; exhibitionism; questionable knowledge of psychology; big emotions, including: *extremely Gonzo voice* GUILT and *extremely Septa Unella voice* SHAME SHAME SHAME (ding ding); Yakko angst

-O-o-O-o-O-

All was quiet over Burbank that Thursday night. Yakko Warner sat on the balcony of the Warner Brothers Studio water tower, gazing over the city lights.

His two younger siblings, Wakko and Dot, were worn out from that day’s antics and were soundly sleeping in the bedroom the three shared. They hadn’t even stirred when Yakko closed the door of the water tower. Yakko should have been tired too, considering he wreaked just as much havoc as his siblings, but he had a lot on his mind.

Lately, he’d been having these “feelings.” They were similar to the ones he got when he looked at Hello Nurse, but more intense. Hello Nurse was pleasing to the eye—very—but that was it. He merely liked looking at her, not….doing things with her, like what he wanted to do with the object of these “feelings.”

The Warners didn’t age, being toons, but Yakko figured he should still have gone through puberty by now. He didn’t know much about this subject, having driven Ms. Flamiel off before she could teach them Health, but nevertheless, he was sure he wasn’t supposed to be having feelings for the person that he did.

A cold breeze chilled Yakko’s skin through his fur. He decided it was time to go back inside.

Before turning in, he decided to check on his siblings. Dot, on the bunk just above Yakko’s slept relatively quietly, occasionally muttering about how cute she was. Actually, Dot did look pretty cute when she was sleeping—a trait not many people possessed. And Yakko certainly didn’t expect the object of his affections to possess this trait, considering how gross he acted in his waking hours.

Yakko easily scaled the top bunk to gaze upon the object of his affection. His little brother, Wakko, lay curled up, pillow’s edge in his mouth, half-covered by the blanket.

Watching his brother sleep so innocently only forced the most dirty thoughts into Yakko’s mind. Hastily, he tried to expel them. “This is my baby brother! How could I ever think of doing those things to him?”

Looking shamefully down at Wakko, Yakko decided it was time for another cold shower.

-O-o-O-

For once in his life, Yakko was the last Warner sibling to wake up. Usually that honor fell to Wakko, but Yakko hadn’t exactly fallen asleep right after he went back to bed.

See, Yakko liked to talk. He talked almost every second of the day, to the point where Dr. Scratchinsniff threatened to duct tape his mouth shut. He even talked in his sleep, especially when something was bothering him. If Dot or Wakko had heard him, well….he didn’t want to think about it.

So one can imagine Yakko’s sheer horror when he woke up to Wakko, sitting by his bed, staring at him.

“Wakko, what are you doing?” Yakko shrieked, sitting straight up in bed.

“Watchin’ you,” Wakko answered calmly.

When Yakko realized that Wakko probably hadn’t heard him talking in his sleep—otherwise he would have been a lot less calm—he calmed down.

“I mean, what are you doing watching me,” Yakko said, more calmly.

Wakko shrugged. “You’re usually the first one up.”

Yakko sighed, relieved. However, Wakko took it as a sigh of exasperation and immediately drooped.

“If you don’t want me to, I won’t do it anymore,” he said in a small voice.

Yakko rushed to comfort him. “No, I don’t mind you watching me. Hope you’re enjoying the view.” Yakko flashed a cheesy smile at Wakko. Wakko giggled.

“God, what a cute giggle,” Yakko thought.

“I guess Dot’s already up,” Yakko commented, making the bed.

“She’s in the bathroom,” Wakko answered, throwing off his pajamas. He searched around for his blue sweatshirt.

Yakko turned around to look for his pants and let out a short cry of shock. He was staring directly at Wakko’s naked form. True, Wakko’s back was turned, and he didn’t normally wear pants, but still…. Yakko was fascinated by his brother’s lack of self-awareness sometimes. He suddenly turned away. “Stop gawking at your brother like that!” he mentally scolded himself.

“What happened?” Wakko asked, from under his shirt.

“I just stubbed my toe. I really should move the night table further away from the bed,” Yakko said, his eyes creeping slowly toward Wakko, who was still putting on his shirt and still naked.

At that moment, Dot came out of the bathroom. The minute she walked in the room, she shrieked. “Wakko, put your clothes on!”

Yakko saw a devilish smile come over his brother’s face.

“What if I don’t?” Wakko challenged, lifting his shirt higher over his head.

Yakko, despite his conflicting emotions, turned to the camera, blew a kiss and said, “Goodnight, everybody!”

Dot only rolled her eyes. “Wakko, if you don’t put your clothes on, I’ll be forced to….” She thought for a moment, then grinned menacingly. “I’ll be forced to call in a clown!”

Wakko’s eyes bugged out, then he very quickly slid his shirt onto his body.

Yakko raised an eyebrow. “Darn. I was beginning to enjoy that—WHAT?! NO!” He immediately slapped himself for thinking it. He put on his pants very quickly, hoping to hide the sudden protrusion.

As soon as the siblings finished breakfast, the phone rang. It was Dr. Scratchansniff, asking them to come in for their appointment.

Yakko was too consumed by his thoughts to even notice Hello Nurse, which really surprised Dot. Wakko, who was busy screaming, “Hello, Nurse!” didn’t seem to notice. Yakko felt a tiny pang when he saw his brother’s reaction to the voluptuous blonde. “How could I ever imagine that he’d feel the same way about me as I do about him?” he thought, sulking on the waiting room couch, oblivious to the bemused looks Dot gave him.

Dot gazed at Yakko. He definitely wasn’t himself today. Normally, he’d be talking a mile a minute, planning out exactly how he was going to fracture Scratchansniff’s sanity this week. And if he wasn’t doing that, he’d be happily looking at this month’s (or last year’s, depending on how diligently the magazines were replaced) issue of Toon Times. Today, he just sat there, looking as though he’d just been suckered into a conversation with Pip Pumphandle. Dot wanted to ask what was wrong, but she didn’t want to pry. Besides, she thought, he’ll probably be over it soon and be back to normal.

Dot, who wasn’t interested in any of the magazines, turned to Wakko to find him blowing spit bubbles. “Ew.”

Dot sighed. This was going to be a long wait.

Hello Nurse came out. “Yakko, Dr. Scratchansniff will see you now.”

Yakko dragged himself off the couch and trudged into the office.

-O-o-O-

Dr. Scratchansniff was shielding himself behind his desk, waiting for the inevitable explosion of Yakko entering. Honestly, every time the Warners came within a fifty foot radius of him, insanity and misery were sure to ensue. He couldn’t have one appointment without Yakko making sarcastic comments, Wakko doing something gross, and Dot getting off-topic and leading him on a verbal wild goose chase. A this rate, he was never going to get these kids de-zanitized.

“Vait a minute,” Dr. Scratchansniff thought. Instead of the usual noisy, zany greeting, he was hearing….silence?

The psychiatrist emerged from behind his desk to find Yakko, sitting quietly on the couch in front of him. He didn’t even seem to notice the doctor; he absently traced the wrinkles in the upholstery with his fingers, a pensive expression crossing his visage.

Scratchy had never seen Yakko this quiet. Ever. Even if he wasn’t talking, he’d usually be sitting there, smirking at the trouble that lay in store for the psychiatrist. Yakko didn’t seem to be plotting any kind of chaos; he seemed to be lost in his own world.

Scratchy cleared his throat to get Yakko’s attention. Sure enough, Yakko dragged his eyeballs up to meet Scratchy’s.

“Oh. Hi, Scratchy,” he muttered lethargically, punctuating his speech with a heavy sigh.

“Yakko, you seem to be awfully quiet today. Vhat seems to be zhe problem?” Scratchy asked, expecting Yakko to drop the act and start the chaos any second.

“Nothing.” Yakko mumbled.

Scratchy noted this on his pad of paper. This seemed serious.

“Yakko, if zhere ist a problem, you know you can tell me,” Scratchy said in a gentler tone. “Das ist vas I’m here for.”

“Okay, but I don’t think you’re gonna like it….”

“Try me.”

Yakko took a deep breath. “I think I’m attracted to my brother.”

Scratchy raised an eyebrow. This was new. He’d dealt with patients who had issues with incest, but it was a whole different story now that it was a Warner in the situation.

“You think I’m disgusting, don’t you?”

Scratchy looked up from his notepad. Yakko was staring at him, a hurt expression on his face.

“Nein, nein, I am not here to judge. Now, Yakko, are you sure zhat it is attraction you are feeling tovards Vakko?”

Yakko stared at him. “I. Want. To. Make. Out. With. My. Brother. Yes, I’m positive I’m attracted to Wakko,” Yakko retorted.

“Hmm….” Scratchy wrote on his pad some more. Yakko couldn’t take it anymore.

“You gotta help me, Scratchy! I’ve been hiding it from him all along and it’s eating me up inside! It’s only a matter of time until I slip up and say it or I say it in my sleep! I can’t have my brother thinking I’m some kind of freak!” Yakko jumped on Scratchy’s desk. “Seriously, I’m starting to find his lack of hygiene sexy,” he whispered behind his hand.

“Zhe only zhing I can suggest right now is writing zhese feelings in a journal. I vill have to zhink about zhis some more before going further,” Scratchy answered.

Yakko sighed, relieved. Maybe if he wrote his nasty little thoughts down, he wouldn’t have the urge to yell them from the top of the water tower anymore.

“Thanks, Scratchy! I’ll send Wakko in.” Yakko hopped off the desk and skipped out the door.

Scratchy knew he’d be able to refrain from telling Wakko about Yakko’s feelings for him. However, he still wasn’t exactly looking forward to this appointment. His office hadn’t smelled right since the last one. Plus, he could never get very far in de-zanitizing him because he never said much.

“So, Vakko, is zhere anything you vant to talk about?” Scratchy asked.

“Like what?” Wakko responded.

“Like…. Your relationship vith your siblings.”

“Oh.” Wakko smiled. “It’s fine.”

“Care to elaborate?” Scratchy pressed.

“It’s….really fine?”

Scratchy sighed. “Anything else? How about your day?”

Wakko thought for a while, then perked up. “I actually got up before Yakko! But not before Dot.”

“Go on.”

“And….she got into the bathroom first and took forever. So I didn’t shower.” Wakko grinned. Scratchy rubbed his temples.

Dot’s appointment was a little better. Scratchy got more out of her—maybe more than he wanted.

“So, Dot, vould you like to tell me about your relationship vith your brozers?” Scratchy asked.

“They’re cool most of the time, but sometimes Yakko talks in his sleep, which gets really annoying because he’s always yelling, ‘Hello, Nurse!’ And Wakko can be kinda gross. Like today, he didn’t take a shower—he hasn’t for two weeks now—and he wouldn’t put on his clothes until I threatened to sic a clown on him. Actually, now that I think about it, that was kinda funny.” Dot giggled.

Scratchy looked up in surprise. “He….vouldn’t put on his clothes?”

“Yeah, and it really seemed to freak Yakko out. I don’t know why, though, ‘cause they take baths together and they have the same stuff. Mostly.” Dot shrugged.

Scratchy was furiously writing on his notepad. Dot got bored and started balancing on her tail. She found that she could almost see Scratchy’s notepad.

“Whatcha writing?” she asked.

Scratchy held the pad against his chest. “Notes.”

“Oh. “ Dot got off her tail.

In the end, Scratchy didn’t call them in for a group appointment. Based on his notes, he had a lot to work through before he even made a dent in their zaniness.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If you lock three volatile cartoon characters in a tower and expect them to stay sane after sixty years, you're playing yourself.

Brotherly Love: Wakking Off (Part two of seven)

I have this theory that the Warner siblings are Set animals (like from ancient Egyptian lore), so the rules of mere mortals don't apply to them. One of Set's many domains is disorder and chaos, so I think it checks out.

Now watch teen!me write two of them acting like King Tutankhamun's parents.

Part one is here.

DEAD GOODFEATHERS DO NOT EAT

Content Warning: Consensual romantic relationship between two siblings; aged-up characters; questionable knowledge of psychology; godsawful usage of mid-noughties slang; big emotions, including: *extremely Gonzo voice* GUILT and *extremely Septa Unella voice* SHAME SHAME SHAME (ding ding); just two bros taking a bath together, sniffing each other's fur, tongues and tails twining whatevs

-O-o-O-o-O-

Yakko had been writing in his journal for three days.

It wasn’t working.

He figured he’d try Scratchy’s suggestion. It was only a start, Scratchy had said, but it might actually be enough to quell the incestuous thoughts Yakko had.

But the more Yakko wrote, the stronger the feelings grew. It got to the point where many of his entries were accompanied by a few diagrams of what exactly he wanted to do to his brother.

He also had to worry about hiding it. He had it hidden under his mattress, but what if they decided to make a mattress fort and it fell open as they moved the mattress? Every page included either a horrifyingly graphic description or a picture, so there was no way they’d miss it.

It got to the point where Yakko decided he just needed to maybe avoid Wakko for a while.

For the next three or four days, Yakko kept his distance. If Wakko entered the room, he left. He sat as far away from Wakko as he could at meal times. When the time came for them to take a bath, Yakko suggested they take separate ones. Wakko looked like he’d cry and it tore Yakko up inside.

The following night, Dot announced, “I’m going to the mall with Hello Nurse!”

Yakko’s heart skipped a beat. He’d be all alone. With his brother.

“The mall?” he asked.

“Yes, the mall. You know, with the stores, the food court, the pushy salespeople trying to unload their soon-to-be-outdated cell phones?” Dot said.

“Aaaah…Are you sure you want to go to the mall?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Really sure?”

“Positive.”

“Shiggity-sure?”

Dot stared Yakko dead in the eye and said, “Not only am I sure, I am shiggity-sure for shizzo my nizzo.” Then she left before Yakko could ask any more questions.

Yakko sighed. He was all alone. With Wakko.

Or not. He didn’t see Wakko around. Where was he?

Yakko looked all over the water tower. When he got to the bedroom, he found Wakko, sitting on his bunk.

“Wakko, what are you doing in here?” Yakko started to ask, until his brother turned around.

Wakko was crying.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Wakko asked in a small voice.

“What made you think that?” Yakko asked, sitting down on the bunk.

“You always leave when I come in. You won’t sit next to me. You didn’t want to take a bath with me.” Wakko sniffed.

Yakko winced. He didn’t think that Wakko would notice his avoidance. Wakko did, however, notice the wince.

“I knew it. You were avoiding me.” He turned away from Yakko.

Yakko mentally scolded himself. He was always forgetting how sensitive Wakko was. He should have thought that what he was doing would hurt his feelings. He also never realized how much he underestimated his little brother. He should’ve known he’d figure something was up.

“Yes, but I wasn’t trying to be mean to you,” Yakko said, gently putting a hand on Wakko’s shoulder.

“Why else would you do it, then?” Wakko still refused to face him.

“Because….well….I don’t know if I should tell you….”

“What? You don’t think I’ll understand? You think I’m stupid, don’t you.” Wakko attempted to jerk himself away again, but Yakko held him still.

“No, it’s just a really weird reason,” Yakko tried to explain.

“Try me.”

“It’s because I love you.”

Wakko stared at Yakko, confused.

“Not just that kind of love. I mean, I love you. I want to kiss you, and make out with you, and lots of other terribly graphic things that I’ve written down in a little book that I keep hidden under my mattress.” Yakko exhaled, waiting for the inevitable scream.

Only, it never came. Yakko looked at his little brother. The confused look was gone, replaced by a stolid expression.

Suddenly, Wakko took Yakko’s face in his hands and brought it closer to his own, until he began to kiss him.

It wasn’t like one of those kisses they did to their “special friends,” either. It was a bona fide on-the-lips kiss. It turned into more when Yakko realized there were two tongues in his mouth and only one of them was his. Until now, it had never occurred to Yakko that Wakko could do a whole lot more with his tongue than use it as a tape measure and let it dangle out of his mouth.

When it was over, Yakko barely heard Wakko ask, “Did you like it?”

“Holy….” was all Yakko could say. He had no idea his little baby brother could kiss like that. “Where did you learn that?!”

“From all the girls I went out with,” Wakko answered.

Yakko blinked a few times. “Well….That was amazing. But why didn’t you say anything before you did it?”

“You know me. I like to be more….physical.” Wakko flashed a carnal smile at Yakko.

Yakko was floored. He’d always thought of his little brother as being somewhat innocent. Clearly, he was mistaken. However, he wasn’t disappointed.

Yakko’s eyes must’ve been bugging out, because Wakko dropped his carnal grin. “Was that too much?”

Yakko smiled. “No, just a little too fast. How about….” He moved closer to Wakko, in a cuddle. “We start here?”

Wakko cuddled back. “Faboo.”

-O-o-O-

Dot came back from the mall a few hours later. “I’m home!” she announced to the house.

Nobody answered. Dot pouted.

“They all went to bed and now I’ll have to wait to show them all the cute clothes I got.” Dot skipped to her room to put away her clothes.

As she got out her pajamas, she noticed that Wakko’s bunk was empty. Maybe he wasn’t asleep?

Dot shrugged, then went to the bathroom to get changed and washed up. She listened for signs that Wakko was still up, but heard none. When she went back to the bedroom, she realized why.

Both Yakko and Wakko were sleeping on Yakko’s bottom bunk. They were tucked in, nice and snug, and Yakko had his arm around Wakko, almost protectively.

Dot had to admit it was cute—and she should know. She figured Wakko just had a bad dream and couldn’t fall asleep without his big brother to protect him. She hoped it wasn’t because of the clown comment she’d made a few days ago.

“Oh, well,” Dot thought. She hopped into her bunk and immediately went to sleep.

-O-o-O-

The next morning, Yakko was the first one awake. He wondered if the previous night had really happened, or if it was all some crazy dream. Then he looked down at his little brother, sleeping cutely on his arm, and knew it was real.

Yakko looked at the clock. It was barely even 7:00. Normally, he’d just go back to sleep until 9:00, but he decided he’d just watch Wakko sleep for a while.

He didn’t get to watch him long, as Wakko began to wake up. Yakko gazed down at him, lovingly, as he stretched his little body, then smiled up at Yakko.

“Wanna go at it again?” he asked, sleepily, wiggling into a sitting position.

“I’d love to, but we might wake Dot,” Yakko answered. Then, he got a idea. “Since we didn’t take our bath together yesterday, why don’t we do it today?”

Wakko perked up in response.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’”

Very quietly, the two went down the hall to the bathroom. Wakko got out their washrags while Yakko ran the bath. As he was pouring the bubble bath into the measuring cup, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye, that grabbed his attention and held it hostage.

Wakko, having gotten the washrags out, was starting to undress. Yakko watched as he slid out of his blue nightshirt and tossed it onto the toilet. Then he took off his red cap and placed it gingerly on top of his shirt.

Yakko stared, until he realized that the tub was slowly filling up with bubbles. He capped the bottle clumsily, unable to take his eyes off his naked brother. Just then, Wakko turned around and Yakko jerked his gaze in the other direction.

“Yakko, what’s wrong?” Wakko asked, going over to his brother, who still couldn’t seem to close the bottle.

“Nothing. Nothing at all! This bottle is just really hard to close, which is odd because normally I can never get it open. Man, they’re child-proofing everything these days, aren’t they?” Yakko liked this verbal diarrhea even less than the speechlessness that preceded it.

“You’re rambling. And why won’t you look at me?”

Yakko felt his head starting to turn, but resisted. “You’re naked.”

“We’ve seen each other naked before.”

“Yeah, but now it’s different. It’s like we’re….” Yakko struggled to get the word out. “Lovers. I still can’t get over the idea that maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

Wakko gently turned Yakko’s head downwards to face him. Yakko was now staring at his little brother in all his naked glory. The most frightening thing about it was that without his cap, Wakko looked a whole lot like himself.

“You even look like me. A constant reminder that we’re carrying out incest,” Yakko continued, nearly entranced. “It’s not that I don’t want to do it. But what would happen if someone should find out? What if they separate us?”

Yakko was silenced by Wakko’s body pressing against his own. “If we’re very careful, nobody will know. Even if they do find out, they’re not going to take us away from each other. I won’t let them.”

Yakko needed no more persuasion. “Then let us commence our bath,” he said, grinning and sliding off his pants.

The brothers climbed into the tub. Submerged up to their waists in bubbles and water, it appeared as though they were innocently taking a bath together—if you completely ignored the fact that they had their arms around each other and were inches from kissing.

Yakko suddenly felt something move his tail. He looked down and saw Wakko’s tail tentatively rubbing against his own.

Yakko smiled, intertwining his tail with that of his brother. Soon, Wakko was pressed against Yakko’s chest, kissing the side of his neck, while Yakko rubbed his nose against Wakko’s head.

Suddenly the door opened. Dot poked her head in. Luckily, Wakko’s head was facing away from the door, so it merely looked like Yakko had his nose on Wakko’s head. Both turned to look at her.

It still looked weird, and Dot made no secret of this with her facial expression. “What are you doing?”

“Um….Sniffing Wakko’s fur,” Yakko answered. “This new shampoo smells great!” Yakko took a huge whiff of Wakko’s head and had to quickly hide how intoxicating he found the scent. Wakko only continued to stare dopily at Dot, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

Dot must have been convinced, because she dropped the “what the hell” expression and said, “Okay!” Then she skipped off to the bedroom.

The minute the door closed, Yakko gave a sigh of relief. “That was close.” He turned to Wakko with a serious, but loving expression. “Maybe we ought to wait until we’re sure nobody will catch us. Or get a ‘Do not disturb’ sign.”

“It’s a little late for the sign, isn’t it?” Wakko said, lapping at Yakko’s neck.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Always be aware of how many tongues are in your mouth.

Brotherly Love: All Three Warner Siblings Have Questionable Taste in Men (part three of seven)

Might as well release more of that old Yakko x Wakko fic into the world.

₮ⱧɆ ₩ØⱤⱠĐ ₭₦Ø₩₴ ₩Ⱨ₳₮ ł₮ гР₮Ø ĐɆ₴ɆⱤVɆ ₮Ⱨł₴

Part one is here. Part two is here.

DEAD GOODFEATHERS DO NOT EAT

Content Warning: Consensual romantic relationship between two siblings; aged-up characters; questionable knowledge of psychology; godsawful usage of mid-noughties slang; citrus scale: lime (adult fun-time happens, but is not shown); however, the lead-up to the adult fun-time is described in detail; big emotions, including: *extremely Gonzo voice* GUILT and *extremely Septa Unella voice* SHAME SHAME SHAME (ding ding); animane-y, totally insane-y, Dot is slut-shame-y

-O-o-O-o-O-

For the next few days, the Warner brothers kept their romance on the D.L. Even when Dot was not in the room or asleep, they refrained from attempting to get in a quick kiss or cuddle.

However, the more they tried to hide it, the harder it got. Yakko wasn’t sure he could keep himself from giving Wakko seductive winks from across the room. Wakko wasn’t sure if he could keep himself from flat out glomping Yakko.

One day, Dot exclaimed, “There’s a Mel Gibson lovers’ convention this weekend!”

They were all sitting at the table, eating pizza for dinner. When Dot turned to look at the calendar, Wakko couldn’t help himself. He snuck a quick kiss on Yakko’s nose, then went back to devouring his pizza (and the box) long before Dot turned around again.

“I’ll definitely have to go to that,” Dot continued. “It starts on Friday and lasts until Monday.” She turned to her brothers. “Think you can survive without me for four days?”

Yakko and Wakko looked at each other. Four days….With nobody but themselves around.

“It’ll be tough, but I think we’ll manage,” Yakko said. “We wouldn’t want to keep you from your ‘future husband.’” He twiddled his fingers to add air quotes.

Dot playfully flicked Yakko’s nose. “A girl can dream, can’t she?” she said with a smile, then went to pack.

When Yakko was sure she was gone, he gently touched Wakko’s hand. “We’ll have the tower to ourselves for four whole days. Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Way ahead of you,” Wakko responded.

The next night, Friday, Dot left for the convention with Hello Nurse, who was also a fan. There weren’t any waterworks, but it still felt weird for the siblings, as they had never really been separated before.

However, Yakko and Wakko didn’t let the (very) slight separation anxiety get them down for long. First, they took their bath—with no interruptions and plenty more kissing.

That night, they sat together on Yakko’s bunk. They didn’t cuddle, they just sat in silence, enjoying the mere fact that they were alone together. It was almost as if they were waiting to see how long they could last without physical contact—or waiting for something to interrupt them just as it was getting good.

They weren’t waiting long, because after a few minutes, the brothers sprang up and went at each other more vigorously than they had before. Yakko ran his hands over Wakko’s ears, kissing his head as Wakko pulled Yakko on top of himself, licking Yakko’s neck as he moved.

Yakko began to get really into it. He eventually began to work his hands down Wakko’s body. He caressed the blue-clad arms, wishing he could touch the actual flesh. Wakko had moved south to kissing Yakko’s chest.

Yakko worked his way down until he got to Wakko’s waist. He suddenly stopped. Did he really want to undress his little brother? Was this really the right thing to do?

Wakko looked up at Yakko, puzzled. “Why’d you stop? It was getting really good.”

Yakko backed off, then sat back on his feet. “I think I got into it too much.”

“What do you mean?”

“I lost myself in the moment. I….I wanted to touch your body, and not just through your clothing, but I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do.”

Wakko lay in front of Yakko a few seconds longer, then took off his shirt. Yakko could almost feel a certain area in his pants start to grow. He looked down and realized that the protrusion was not, in fact, baloney in his slacks.

Wakko looked at Yakko’s crotch, then back up at Yakko. “We can take care of that.”

“That’s all well and good that you feel the same, but if we do this now, there’ll be no turning back. We’ll be up to our necks in the type of situation only allowed if our names were Ptolemy,” Yakko said, trying desperately to get it down. It wasn’t working. Wakko was being so calm, it was scary.

“Do I get to be Ptolemy I or do I have to play Ptolemy II?” Wakko asked. “Anyway, I don’t want to go back.”

“And we’re basically kids! I mean, we’re not really kids, seeing as how we’ve been around since the ‘30s, but we don’t exactly age normally, so we’ll always be forever young,” Yakko started rambling again.

Wakko sat up, his tail working its way up Yakko’s body.

“And what if you don’t like it? I mean, I’ll probably be fine, but what if we’re just not ready to go this far? It’ll be like I’m rap—”

Yakko was cut off by Wakko giving him a long sultry kiss, using that incredible tongue of his.

“I’m ready. You wouldn’t be raping me, we’re technically both adults, I don’t care if you’re my brother, and nobody’s going to find out. Really, Yakko, it’s going to be okay. Now please,” Wakko’s voice shook slightly, “just give it to me.”

Yakko felt a slight pressing on his leg. It took him a while to realize that that wasn’t Wakko’s tail.

He looked back at Wakko. He could see the longing in his eyes. He began to wonder how long he’d felt this way. Was he feeling this way longer than Yakko had? How much longer?

“You’ve felt this way for much longer than I have, haven’t you?” Yakko found himself asking. “You’ve had to hide it all this time.”

Wakko looked away. “You’re having second thoughts, aren’t you? You think I’m disgusting.”

“No, I don’t. I just didn’t want to do something that might hurt you,” Yakko soothed, putting his hands on Wakko’s naked shoulders. “But clearly not doing this now would be detrimental to your sanity.”

Wakko grinned up at Yakko. “I have no sanity.”

“Which is why I’m concerned. It’s illegal to do the horizontal hokey-pokey with a crazy person,” Yakko said.

“You’re not exactly sane yourself.”

“Right you are, little brother.”

And with that, Wakko proceeded to show Yakko just how insane he could get.

-O-o-O-

Dot entered the dark water tower as quietly as possibly, in case her brothers were asleep.

The convention hadn’t been as fun as she’d thought it would be. Sure, Mel Gibson was there, but with the huge lines of people, one could barely get five seconds with the guy. Then he had to leave early to work on another movie—something about “passion.”

“Speaking of passion,” Dot thought, taking out her newly autographed photo of Mel Gibson, “I wonder where I could put this up. I’m running out of room over my bed.”

Dot shrugged, put the picture back in its folder, then continued to her room. “I’ll figure it out later.”

As she was putting her things away, she noticed Yakko and Wakko in the same bunk again. Wakko was snuggled up against Yakko, surprisingly not wearing his red cap.

“Well, that’s a first. He never takes that thing off,” Dot thought.

Just like the other night, Yakko had his arm around Wakko in the same protective manner.

“Wakko seems to be having a lot of nightmares lately,” Dot thought, climbing onto her bunk. “I wonder what he and Yakko have been watching while I was gone.”

Had Dot looked more closely, she would have noticed that both Yakko and Wakko were naked.

-O-o-O-

The next morning, Yakko didn’t get to watch Wakko sleeping at all, because Wakko woke up first.

Wakko stared up at his sleeping brother, his eyes travelling up and down the arm around his own body. He smiled just as lovingly as Yakko had when he was in this situation, only Wakko’s smile was more dopey due to his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth.

He was deeply in love with his older brother. He’d still be in love with Yakko even if they weren’t doing all these fun things together. But Wakko needed to get physical with Yakko. He’d never been much for words, but if he could show Yakko how much he loved him, his message would get through.

He felt the arm under him stir as Yakko began to wake up.

Yakko carefully moved his arm so he could prop himself and look at Wakko. “So, about last night,” he started with a grin.

“Was I good?” Wakko asked hopefully.

“Good? You were wonderful! I don’t really have any idea of how it should have gone, but I don’t care! The nipple-honking was a nice touch, too.” Yakko moved in closer.

Wakko moved even closer to Yakko. “Are you up for another round?”

“When do you want it?” Yakko took his brother into his arms.

Dot was in the bathroom, going about her cuteness routine. This involved showering, washing her hair, blow-drying and combing, a blood sacrifice to Venus, and brushing her teeth before finally picking an outfit and flower scrunchie.

Just as she was about to get into the shower, she realized she’d forgotten her blow-dryer in the bedroom. She could always get it after her shower, but then her hair would drip all over the floor and leave a wet trail, and they had a house rule about no pratfalls before 10:00 AM.

“I’d better get it now.” She headed to the bedroom.

When she arrived at the door, she sensed she should stop. She stopped and heard Yakko and Wakko talking through the partially opened door.

She peeked through the crack and saw Wakko standing, stark naked, in front of Yakko. And Yakko didn’t seem as freaked out as he had the last time Wakko stood around naked. In fact, he looked like he liked it.

“Is it hot in here or is it just me?” Yakko was saying, fanning himself, supposedly at Wakko.

“It’s both of us.” To Dot’s shock, Wakko’s voice had taken on a sultry tone.

Then Wakko went over to Yakko and began to kiss him—on the lips.

Dot watched in horror as Yakko picked Wakko up and put him on the bed, while Wakko had his hands firmly around Yakko’s waist. By the looks on their faces and the movement of their mouths, she could tell that Wakko’s tongue had decided to pay Yakko’s mouth a visit.

Dot turned away from the door. She couldn’t go in there now. She couldn’t even think of what to say.

“What the hell was that?!” Dot thought. “Yakko and Wakko—disgusting! How could they do such a thing?! I thought Yakko knew better than that! And Wakko’s pretty gross, but even that’s nasty for him!”

Dot wanted to kick the door down and yell at them, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. “I don’t even know what to say to them, I’m so angry. I can’t even bear to look at them right now.”

Dot ran back to the bathroom to take a nice long shower.

-O-o-O-

Wakko sat in the kitchen, in his pajamas.

Shortly after they’d finished kissing, Yakko went out to get the paper. Wakko spent time finding his cap (it’d fallen under the bed the night before) and made the bed, something he rarely did.

Whe he finished, he went to brush his teeth, but the bathroom was occupied. He’d figured Yakko had gotten the paper and needed to go, so he decided to eat first, since he was pretty hungry.

They had forgotten to buy cereal, so Wakko found a box of ramen noodles and nuked them (in the microwave, not with a literal nuclear weapon).

He was about halfway finished when a half-soaked figure marched into the kitchen.

It was Dot.

“You tongue-sucking harlot!” Dot screamed. She’d been unable to quit thinking about her brothers and as she showered, she’d only gotten angrier.

“How could you do that with Yakko?! Don’t you have any decency?! He’s your goddamn brother, for Pete’s sake! You just seduced him like some twopence trollop! Do you even understand what you’ve done? You don’t, do you?! I thought you were just gross, but now I know you’re an incestuous WHORE!” Dot shouted. She’d never been so angry at her brothers in her life.

There was silence as she caught her breath and Wakko stared at her with a look of absolute terror on his face.

“And you’re not a college student, so why are you eating ramen for breakfast?!” Dot hollered before stomping out of the room.

-O-o-O-o-O-

And the moral of today's story is: If you catch your brothers making out with each other, take a shower, but be careful not to drip water everywhere. Safety is important.

Brotherly Love: If There Must Be Mpreg, Warn a Brotha (And Warn a Sista) (Part four of seven)

Warner brothers? More like War-garyen brothers.

Except without the dragons or pseudo-medieval politics.

Part one is here. Part two is here. Part three is here.

DEAD GOODFEATHERS DO NOT EAT

Content Warning: Consensual romantic relationship between two siblings; mpreg; aged-up characters; questionable knowledge of psychology; usage of mid-noughties slang that aged like milk (which Yakko will not be drinking); abortion mention; oh dear gods an author avatar and her avatar's furry friend; a fourth Warner; attempt at writing Scratchansniff’s accent out phonetically; big emotions, including: *extremely Gonzo voice* GUILT and *extremely Septa Unella voice* SHAME SHAME SHAME (ding ding); animane-y, totally insane-y, Dot is slut-shame-y

-O-o-O-o-O-

Yakko was just coming back from getting the newspaper. This entailed annoying Ralph, the security guard, until he balled it up and threw it at Yakko.

He was walking along, tossing the balled-up paper up and down with each step when he noticed Hello Nurse entering the psychiatric building.

“Wait a minute….Dot went to the convention with Hello Nurse,” Yakko thought.

He thought back to how the bathroom door was closed when he walked past—it couldn’t have been Wakko in the bathroom, because he’d just left him in the bedroom. Then it hit Yakko.

Dot was home.

Yakko shoved the paper in his pocket and ran the rest of the way home.

“How long has she been home?” he wondered. “And when did she come in? Oh my god…Did she see us in bed, naked?!”

Yakko flew up the ladder and into the tower.

Everything was quiet. There was no sign of Dot or Wakko in the front room.

Yakko went to the kitchen. They weren’t there either.

The bathroom door was closed and Yakko could hear the sound of a blowdryer from within. That had to be Dot.

Yakko entered the bedroom, where he found Wakko, sitting on his top bunk, crying softly.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Yakko said, scaling the bunks. He reached a hand out to comfort Wakko, but he pulled away. The sobs racked his small body.

“Dot knows,” Wakko sobbed.

Yakko was afraid of that. However, he was still shocked. A tiny part of him still had hope that she hadn’t found out.

“She…knows?” Yakko said, his horror growing each second.

“I don’t know how, but she knows. I thought she was gone for the weekend,” Wakko continued to sob.

“Well….It’s not that bad. At least we don’t have to sneak around anymore,” Yakko said, forcing optimism. “She’ll probably give us lots of space.” Yakko realized the minute he finished speaking that this was the wrong thing to say.

“It’s all my fault. I seduced you into doing this. I’m such a whore.” Wakko hid his face in his pillow.

“Those were Dot’s words, weren’t they?” Yakko thought, suddenly angry at his sister. “No. If I hadn’t told you about my feelings, you wouldn’t have acted the way you did,” Yakko explained, desperately trying to stop his brother’s tears. He reached out a hand to hold Wakko, but Wakko gently pushed it away.

“We can’t,” he said simply.

“We….can’t touch?”

“If we touch, I’ll only be tempted to seduce you again. I’ll just ruin you.”

“I’m already ruined, and none of it is your fault,” Yakko started.

“Yes, it is!” Wakko snapped. “Please, just….Let’s not touch each other anymore,” he whispered, his voice cracking.

“Okay.” Yakko had to comply, but on the inside, he was fuming at Dot.

-O-o-O-

He caught Dot coming out of the bathroom. Dot only stopped to glare at him for a few seconds, then stomped away. Yakko grabbed her by the shoulder before she could disappear down the hall.

“Shouldn’t you and your brother be heading out to a shack in the woods now?” she spat, trying to shake Yakko off.

“Dot, we have to talk,” Yakko stated firmly. “And besides, he’s your brother, too.”

“Not after what he did with you, he’s not. I don’t even know that boy,” Dot hissed.

“Well, we still need to talk.” Yakko refused to give up. Even if it took him all night, he’d get Dot to apologize for yelling at Wakko.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Are you shiggity-sure about that?” Yakko leaned in close to Dot.

Dot crossed her arms and glared at a point off to the side for a few seconds. Then she sighed angrily and turned her glare on Yakko. “Y’know, I’d expected better from you.”

“Pardon?” Yakko raised a non-existent eyebrow.

“For god’s sake, Yakko, you know what people think of incest. You understand how gross it is to be attracted to your blood relatives. You know better than to try to seduce your brother!” Dot scolded.

“And Wakko doesn’t?” Yakko found his anger rising again.

“Yakko, I don’t think Wakko even knows what galaxy we live in. I seriously doubt he could grasp such a complex issue as incest.”

Yakko couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did she seriously think Wakko was stupid?

“But that’s not the point. If he started making advances on you, why didn’t you stop him? If you understood what would happen if you went too far, why didn’t you do something?”

“Maybe I didn’t want to!” Yakko said sharply. “Maybe I enjoyed it! Yes, you heard correctly. I enjoyed it!”

Dot’s glare dropped and was replaced by an expression of pure horror. “What….How could you?!”

“How could I? Maybe because I love Wakko! Not in that way, in that way. It was all me; I told him I loved him and he was just reacting to it. Did you get that? I made the first move. It was my fault.”

“Oh my god….” Dot’s expression was now one of disgust rather than horror.

“And because I love Wakko, I don’t appreciate you putting him down like that. He may not seem it to you, but he is just as smart as either of us and is perfectly capable of understanding incest. Do you know that he’s the one who thought to hide it from you so we wouldn’t get caught? Did you ever think that just maybe he might be hurt by you calling him a whore? Did you ever think that maybe he might have regrets over the whole thing? I’m sure you didn’t because you don’t know shit about our brother!” Yakko yelled.

They were right outside the bedroom door, but he didn’t care. if he couldn’t touch Wakko, he could find other ways to show his love.

“Well, after that little rant, I do know something about both of you. You’re both perverts and I want nothing to do with you. I’m going to stay with Hello Nurse.” With that, she wrenched herself away from Yakko and stomped off to pack her things.

-O-o-O-

Yakko’s first instinct was to grab Dot again, sit her down, and give her a long talk about this whole thing. His second instinct was to give her a good slap.

It was his third instinct, the one that told him to walk away, that won. He set off towards the bathroom to take a nice hot shower to relax his nerves. Or maybe a nice cold shower to relax his….other muscles.

As he was walking, the closet door next to the bathroom suddenly opened and Yakko was pulled inside.

Yakko groped around, trying to get his bearings, until a flashlight turned on. He looked towards the source of light and saw Wakko, sitting behind a box. Immediately, Wakko threw himself at Yakko.

“I couldn’t take it anymore,” Wakko said softly, pressing himself against Yakko. A few seconds later, Yakko could feel Wakko’s tears wetting his fur.

“It’s okay now. I’m not against continuing this,” he soothed, stroking Wakko’s ears. “We’ll find some way to work it out.”

“How can you be so sure?” Wakko stared up at Yakko with teary black eyes.

“I’m the oldest brother. It’s what I do,” Yakko responded. He looked around. “Since when do we have a closet here?”

Wakko sniffled. “Since now.”

“All righty then.” Yakko went back to holding Wakko.

The door swung open and they were met with a very disturbed and angry Dot.

“You two are seriously fucked up and not in the good way,” she hissed before stomping away.

Wakko turned away from Yakko, curled into a little ball, and continued to cry.

“Wakko…” Yakko reached out for his brother, but Wakko pulled away.

Yakko didn’t care; he pulled Wakko towards him in a warm embrace. This time, Wakko didn’t resist as Yakko half cradled him in his arms, half held him in his lap.

“Don’t worry. Everything’ll work out,” Yakko soothed. “Somehow.”

-O-o-O-

By the next morning, Dot had packed up and spent the better part of the early morning at Hello Nurse’s house.

Yakko and Wakko spent the night in Yakko’s bunk. It would have been too weird, being in their own bunks, knowing that Dot wasn’t sleeping between them. Sure she’d been away at night earlier that week, but they'd known she would come back. Now, they weren’t so sure she’d ever want to talk to them again.

Wakko fell asleep quickly, having worn himself out with the crying. However, Yakko lay in bed, awake, until at least 3:00AM.

“Is what we’re doing really so wrong? I mean, society says it’s wrong, but society says that premarital sex is wrong, and people do that anyway. There are so many people out there who don’t love each other the way Wakko and I do, and they have sex and go through the motions of being in love, even to the point where they’ll get married! And we’re not hurting anyone so what’s wrong with it?” Yakko pondered.

In a flash, it came to Yakko. He knew who could help them.

He ran to the phone to leave a message on Dr. Scratchansniff’s answering machine.

-O-o-O-

The next morning, Yakko somehow managed to wake up at 8:00AM. He was about to roll over and go back to sleep when he realized something was missing.

Wakko wasn’t in bed with him.

Yakko sat up, worried. What if Wakko had run off? What if he decided it was best for them to not even live together? What if he went to go get Dot?

“Dot was pretty pissed off at us,” Yakko thought. “Who knows what she’s capable of doing to Wakko?”

Yakko sprang out of bed and through the bedroom doorway. As he was walking down the hall, he heard a sniffle coming from within the bathroom.

The door was open a crack so Yakko could see Wakko, kneeling over the toilet, his body heaving. A few seconds later, he began to vomit into the toilet.

Yakko pushed the door open and quietly entered. “You okay in here?” he asked, just before Wakko started vomiting again.

“I’m fine now, I think,” Wakko responded, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “It was probably just something I ate. That green cheese in the back of the fridge did look a bit dodgy.”

Yakko gave Wakko a sideways look. He’d seen Wakko eat worse things (like gum from under a theater seat), and he’d been perfectly fine afterwards.

“Are you sure you’re not coming down with something?” Yakko asked, putting a hand on his brother’s forehead. No sign of a fever.

“I’m sure. I’ll be fine in a few minutes.” Wakko closed the toilet lid.

“Would you be up to a visit with Scratchy, then?”

Wakko perked up. “What are we gonna do to him this time?”

“Slow down, Wakko.” Yakko put his hands on Wakko’s shoulders to calm him. “We won’t be doing anything like that this time. Scratchy’s going to help us get Dot back, and he’s been helping me since before I told you about my feelings for you, so we should take it easy on him. Besides, I don’t want you to overexert yourself and start getting sick again.”

“Yakko, I’m fine. But I’ll be good.” A little halo appeared over Wakko’s head.

The brothers had an early appointment at around 9:00, so they had to leave shortly.

Yakko was beginning to have second thoughts about scheduling the appointment so early. He hadn’t gotten a full night of sleep, but he was fine. It was Wakko that he was worried about. He didn’t think his brother was as “fine” as he said he was. He’d seen Wakko run to the bathroom a couple more times. He’d said that he “just had to go really badly,” but when Wakko told him he’d pass on having breakfast, Yakko knew something wasn’t right.

It was around 8:30 when Yakko was fully convinced that Wakko was a little more than under the weather. He’d had to wake his brother up after he’d fallen asleep—while standing at the front door.

It was too late to cancel and reschedule the appointment. Besides, they needed help now. The sooner they got Dot back, the better.

Still, he couldn’t have Wakko climbing down the ladder in such a condition. Yakko conjured up an elevator and the two rode down without difficulty.

By the time they got to the psychiatry building, Wakko was leaning weakly against Yakko. From his glassy-eyed expression, Yakko could tell Wakko was just barely aware that they had arrived.

They took a seat on the couch in the waiting room, instead of their usual chairs. It would be too weird, sitting in those chairs without Dot, and the couch would definitely be more comfortable right now.

For once in his life, Yakko actually sat quietly in the waiting room. This was because the minute they sat on the couch, Wakko fell asleep.

Yakko gazed down at him. Although he was sleeping, Wakko’s expression was anything but peaceful. Yakko could see tiny beads of sweat on the tense face.

Yakko was just as tense about the whole situation as Wakko; he just didn’t show it as much. If he freaked out, Wakko would freak out more than usual, and there had to be at least one rational person around. Usually that would be Dot, if both of the brothers were incapacitated, but of course she wasn’t speaking to them.

“If Scratchy can’t help us, nobody can,” Yakko thought, almost ready to just throw in the towel. Clearly, his feelings for Wakko weren’t going to change. Dot was pretty set in her ways, so she wasn’t going to suddenly start liking their relationship. If they really couldn’t get Dot back, then to hell with it.

Not that Yakko wanted to live without his sister. He just realized that sometimes you had to know when to quit.

Looking down at Wakko again made Yakko realize he couldn’t quit. If they couldn’t get Dot to even speak to them, Wakko would continue to blame himself for the whole thing. Yakko realized that it was probably nobody’s fault, but carrying this kind of emotional burden could seriously harm a person—and it would be made doubly heavy, considering how emotional Wakko could get. Would he start punishing himself? To what extent?

“No,” Yakko thought. “We’re gonna get Dot back, whether she likes it or not.”

Just then, Hello Nurse came into the waiting room. “Dr. Scratchansniff is ready to see you now,” she announced.

In his office, Scratchy began to mentally prepare himself for the visit. Sure, the Warners seemed to be backing off on the zaniness lately, and Dot wasn’t with them this time, but the brothers could be pretty boisterous on their own. In fact, they might be even zanier as Dot was sometimes the force that curbed their insanity.

So Scratchy was more than a little surprised to see Yakko walk in quietly, supporting a sleepy-looking Wakko. He watched as the brothers climbed onto the couch and settled in, Wakko leaning heavily on Yakko. Yakko slid his arm around his little brother, then looked up at the psychiatrist.

“He’s not feeling very well,” Yakko explained.

“I see,” Scratchy responded, examining the glazed-over look in Wakko’s eyes. “Are you sure you don’t vant to reschedule?”

“I’m fine. Really,” Wakko insisted, his voice quiet.

“All right.” Sratchy sat back down in the chair in front of the couch. “So if you don’t mind my asking, vhy is Dot not vith you?”

“That’s what we needed to talk to you about,” Yakko answered, looking a little pained. “You know how I told you about my feelings for Wakko?”

“Ja?”

“And you told me to write them down?”

“Ja?”

“Well, I did, and it helped. For a while. Then my feelings started to get stronger, and well….”

“Here we are,” Wakko concluded, cuddling up to Yakko.

“Here you are? Vhat do you mean, ‘here?’” Scratchy was confused.

The brothers realized they’d skipped a lot of vital points. It wasn’t that obvious that they loved each other in a romantic way based on their actions right now.

“I told Wakko that I loved him, fully expecting him to be disgusted and hate me,” Yakko started.

“But then I told Yakko I loved him back,” Wakko continued.

“So we were all happy and in love until Dot found out. She yelled at Wakko, called him a whore—”

“Among other things,” Wakko interjected.

“And then she verbally ripped me a new one. Then she said she wanted nothing to do with us, and left.”

“And here we are,” Wakko finished.

Scratchy was shocked. Not by Yakko and Wakko’s incestuous relationship, but by Dot’s reaction. He never thought he’d see the day the Warner trio broke up. He’d thought nothing could get in the way of their bond. Plainly, he’d been wrong. Now, sanity be damned, he needed to fix it.

They continued to discuss the details of the past few days until the timer beeped. Their hour was up.

“Vhat I think you should do is come in for a group appointment, maybe a few days from now, ja? Dot is staying vith the Nurse right now, but maybe you should take a short break from each ozher before confronting her.”

Yakko perked up. Yes! That was exactly what he needed. He was only likely to yell at Dot right now, which wouldn’t help them make amends any faster. He wondered why he hadn’t thought of it himself. And Wakko….Well, if Dot was still angry at him, he didn’t seem to be in any condition to take her on right now.

Yakko scheduled an appointment for two days from the present one.

-O-o-O-

The brothers arrived home shortly after 10:15. Tiredness finally kicked in, prompting Yakko to go back to bed until noon.

Wakko tried very hard to cuddle up to Yakko and do the same, but his body wouldn’t let him. Running to the bathroom to toss his cookies was really getting annoying, especially since he hadn’t even gotten to eat yet.

As he was wiping his mouth for what felt like the 785th time that morning, he noticed his gag bag behind the toilet. He also noticed that something was nearly falling out of it.

Wakko picked up the something, which was a small box with the words, “Mistake-Free Test” written on it. He recognized it as the pregnancy test from that commercial that only came on late at night; it was the one with the stream hitting the little plastic stick. He snickered inwardly. He never knew what would come out of the gag bag, did he?

Then Wakko’s thoughts came to a screeching halt. Usually, he pulled things out of the gag bag because he instinctively knew he needed them. Sometimes he didn’t know what exactly he needed, but just reached in and got the perfect tool for the situation.

The next few thoughts came slowly, but surely. He always pulled what he needed from the gag bag. He’d just pulled out a pregnancy test. A few days ago, he and Yakko did the dirty. Toon gestation was very different from human gestation….

Almost without thinking, Wakko sat on the toilet, pulled out the plastic stick, and peed on it. Then he waited the obligatory one minute for the results. While he was waiting, he read the instructions. Blue meant negative, pink meant positive.

Wakko checked his watch (which magically appeared on his wrist). Only twenty seconds had gone by. It was only a minute, yet it was taking a week.

Wakko alternated staring at his watch and staring at the stick. The last second of the minute ticked away. The result screen was still blue. Wakko’s heart soared.

Then it hit the ceiling and came plummeting back to earth as the screen suddenly turned from blue to pink.

Wakko snatched up the box. “Works in….one minute and one second?!” he read. “What the hell kind of random waiting time is that?!”

In the bedroom, Yakko couldn’t sleep. Despite his outward behavior, he really didn’t hold out much hope for getting Dot back. Sure, Scratchy was a good psychiatrist, but this whole incest thing was too big to be solved. Yakko couldn’t get rid of his feelings for Wakko using his journal, and Dot would never approve of their relationship. But what the hell, he’d give it a try. What did they have to lose?

Yakko finally realized that he wasn’t going back to sleep. He was too wired. So he decided to go in the bathroom and splash water on his face. Then maybe he’d stare intensely at his reflection while piano music played, possibly with a spinning effect.

When he got to the bathroom, the door was mostly closed, but through a tiny crack, he could see Wakko sitting in front of the toilet.

“Wakko?” Yakko called softly. Wakko didn’t answer. He seemed to have not even heard Yakko.

Yakko pushed open the bathroom door, fearing his brother was hurt, or even worse, that he’d hurt himself on purpose. “Wakko, are you okay?” he asked.

Wakko was sitting on the floor in front of the toilet, staring at something in he held in his hands. As Yakko came closer, he walked around in front of Wakko to see what he was holding, then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw what it was.

It was a pregnancy test.

Thinking fast, Yakko saw the instructions sitting on the counter, snatched them up, and started to speed-read them until Wakko spoke.

“It’s positive.”

Yakko turned around, absolutely speechless. Personally, he didn’t like these times when he could think of absolutely nothing to say and he didn’t like that they were becoming more common.

Then Wakko turned to look up at him with an utterly destroyed look on his face and the words came rushing back.

“Oh my god….I can’t believe I did this to you….It’s mine isn’t? Of course it is, you’ve never done that with anybody else. Oh god, I never wanted to hurt you. This is all my fault. What have I done? I never meant for you to go through all this. Oh god, what about Dot! She’s going to find out about it sooner or later. She’ll never approve. What have I done to you….”

To Wakko’s complete surprise, Yakko broke down and began to cry. Yakko had always tried to be the strong, fearless older brother, never letting anything bother him, always the optimist. And most importantly, he never cried. Now, he was curled up in the fetal position, bawling his eyes out. Wakko knew exactly what his brother needed and it wasn’t in the gag bag.

Yakko suddenly looked up to see Wakko walking towards him and putting his arms around him.

“Let me be the strong brother this time,” Wakko whispered.

Yakko succumbed to the embrace. His tears subsided slightly as Wakko quietly comforted him, assuring, “Everything’s going to be all right.”

-O-o-O-

The next day, they went to their group appointment and it went horribly. Dot showed up, no less angry about the situation. They had started to talk about the whole thing, until Yakko said that Dot had to know about a recent discovery.

The minute Wakko told Dot he was pregnant and it was Yakko’s child, any chance they had of getting Dot to move back in hurled itself out the window. She instantly went into “destroy Wakko mode,” calling him a “filthy strumpet” and then yelling at Yakko for being a “disgusting pervert.” Then she yelled about how Wakko should abort the fetus because no child deserved to have the disgrace of having such perverts for parents. Wakko ran crying into the inner office, while Yakko shouted Dot down for saying such horrible things. Soon, blows were exchanged and Scratchy had to pull Yakko and Dot off of each other while Hello Nurse comforted a wailing Wakko.

In the end, Dot refused to ever speak to her brothers again. A week later, she packed up her things and left Hello Nurse’s house for Domino City—located on the east coast of the United States, a whole continent’s width from Burbank.

Five years later, Yakko looked across the water tower at Wakko playing with their son, Zakko. He was a very healthy, happy child, especially since the nature of his parentage was kept a secret from him. Both brothers decided that until Zakko was old enough to understand, he was better off not knowing. They didn’t want to scar his little brain and make him feel like it was his fault Dot left, because it wasn’t. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.

Yakko gazed admiringly at Zakko. He was an adorable little pup; he looked just like Wakko, but he’d clearly inherited Yakko’s personality. He’d been talking since he was little more than a year old and he could always think of something funny to say. But sometimes, when he was lost in thought or asleep, his tongue would slip out of the corner of his mouth and he’d look even more like a mini-Wakko.

Then, if Zakko struck a cute pose after saying something particularly funny, he remind Yakko of Dot.

Yakko had to wonder how Dot was doing. Was she faring as well as he, Wakko, and Zakko were? Was she happy? Would they ever see her again? Would she change her mind if she could see how wonderful her nephew was?

Zakko came to sit on the couch and watch TV while Wakko went to check on dinner. Yakko had noticed that Wakko had changed significantly since Zakko was born. Sure he was still wacky, but not as much as he’d been before. He’d toned down the gross behavior as well, and seemed overall more mature. The only things that hadn’t changed was the fact that he kept his gag bag and he still wore his cap.

Yakko had changed, too. He was still talkative, but he greatly toned down the amount of off-color jokes he made. He’d also put his talents to use teaching Zakko the countries of the world, but of course, he had to update his song a little. And he and Zakko could talk for hours on end, while Wakko added to the conversation from time to time.

He’d also started wearing a shirt, but that was really not a big deal.

During a commercial break, Zakko went to go set the table. As he was going back into the living room, he noticed a picture hanging on the wall by the doorway. It was a peculiar picture. He figured it was from when his father and uncle were younger. Actually, they didn’t look too different from the way they did in the photo, so that was why he could recognize them.

In the photograph, three kids were posing. Yakko, on the left seemed to have a knowing smile on his face, like he’d just figured out something really funny. He had one hand in the pocket of his slacks, which were still too big for him. In the middle was Wakko, in his blue sweatshirt and red cap. He had a blissful expression on his face, his tongue dangling from the corner of his mouth. He held a humongous mallet behind his back.

The third kid, a girl, puzzled Zakko to no end. She resembled Dad and Uncle Yakko, but he’d never seen her before. In fact, he’d never even heard Wakko or Yakko mention a female Warner.

Yakko noticed Zakko looking at the picture and had to sigh. He’d tell him about Dot one day, he swore. But he just wasn’t ready right now.

“Uncle Yakko, who’s that girl with you and Dad?” Zakko finally asked.

Yakko gazed at the picture a few seconds longer before answering, “Someone we knew a very long time ago.”

The End

“Wait, wait, WAIT!”

In a white void, a tiny mammoth was yelling. The mammoth sat next to a teenaged girl, sitting cross-legged. The girl held a clipboard with a stack of filler paper and almost too-short-to-use pencil, which she’d dropped when the mammoth started yelling.

The mammoth, whose name was Hrothella, stood up, her hands on her hips. “You cannot end the story like that!”

The girl (whom we will call Fae), having recovered from the (very) slight surprise of the mammoth yelling, was unaffected. “And why not?” she responded dryly.

“Because it’s terrible! Sure, it’s written okay, but it’s the most depressing thing I’ve seen since I read Les Miserables!” Hrothella answered. “The Warner siblings break up forever? What kind of ending is that?”

“Uh….An emotionally moving ending?”

“Yes, but a really, really sad one!” Hrothella continued.

“So what’s your point?”

Hrothella sighed, exasperatedly. Humans could be so dense. “My point is that, yes, it’s okay to throw in a sad ending to a story here and there, but not in an Animaniacs fanfic! The Animaniacs are all about fun and zaniness—not this drama-soaked, so-soapy-you-could-wash-dishes-with-it depress-fest you just wrote! It has to be funny, wacky, happy!”

Fae raised an eyebrow. “So you want ‘zany?’”

“Yes!”

“Happy?” The eyebrow twitched.

“Yes!”

“Wacky?” The mouth twitched.

“Hells, yeah!” Hrothella jumped a foot off the bed, then noticed the crazy grin on Fae’s face. “Wait…What are you doing? What are you writing? Hey, don’t you ignore me, Missy! You’d better not cut me off with the next chapter—”

-O-o-O-o-O-

And the moral of today’s story is: Never go full Targaryen.

Brotherly Love: The Musical (Part five of seven)

Behold, teen!me's definition of "zany, happy, wacky."

Part one | Part two | Part three | Part four

DEAD GOODFEATHERS DO NOT LICK

Content Warning: Consensual romantic relationship between two siblings; mpreg; aged-up characters; questionable knowledge of psychology; usage of mid-noughties slang that aged like milk (which Yakko will not be drinking); very off-color jokes; oh dear gods an author avatar and her avatar’s furry friend; attempts at song parodies; author’s notes to give track listings; attempt at writing Scratchansniff’s accent out phonetically; big emotions, including: *extremely Gonzo voice* GUILT and *extremely Septa Unella voice* SHAME SHAME SHAME (ding ding); animane-y, totally insane-y, Dot is slut-shame-y

-O-o-O-o-O-

Yakko lay in bed after their appointment with Scratchy.

Sleep wouldn’t come easily to him now that he’d gotten washed up and dressed already. However, if Wakko was up to it, he could easily take care of the later….

“Stop it, Yakko,” he told himself. “Your brother is in the bathroom, puking his guts out and all you can think about is sex.”

He would go in the bathroom and comfort Wakko—except Wakko had told him not to come in the bathroom yet. What he could be doing in there was beyond Yakko, but Yakko wasn’t about to disrespect Wakko’s privacy.

Plus, the sight of Wakko throwing up was not exactly something one would want to see less than two hours after breakfast.

So Yakko lay in his bunk, staring at the bottom of Dot’s empty bunk. “I wonder how a picture of Wakko would look taped there.”

In the bathroom, Wakko was staring at a little plastic stick with a pink screen.

“Well this ain’t faboo, is it?” he thought, tossing the box into the trash. “Dot’s not going to like this.”

He looked out the door, down the hall towards the bedroom. “I don’t even know if I should tell Yakko.”

Wakko stuck his head back in the door. “That’s stupid. Of course I should tell him. It’s his. Unless something happened that one night I sleepwalked. I never did remember why I ended up naked in Plotz’s office. Definitely nothing happened, though, since he wasn’t very happy to see me there.”

In the bedroom, Yakko chastised himself once again after he was able to find similarities between the way Wakko moved when climaxing and when vomiting.

“That’s absolutely disgusting! Why can’t I just be a normal pervert and stare at people naked in the shower?”

He sighed when he gazed up at the newly taped picture of Wakko on the bottom of Dot’s bunk.

“There’s no point in fighting it,” he thought, tracing the outline of Wakko’s face with his finger. “If loving you is wrong, then being right is sorely overrated.”

Yakko sat up. “That incredibly clichéd line sounds like a lead-in for a song.”

A dark room slowly came into view as the music from the synthesizer filled the air. A single spotlight shone on a mirrored cross in the middle of the room.

As the music played into the first verse, the cross rotated to reveal Yakko, duct taped to the front, as he began to sing. (Author's Note: to the tune of "Live to Tell" by Madonna)

“I have a tale to tell.”

He suddenly glanced at his arm and saw a hickey from two nights ago.

“Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well.” He smiled sheepishly.

“I was not ready for the fall.”

The duct tape gave out and Yakko fell off the cross and landed on his face. He got up, brushed himself off and continued singing.

“Why couldn’t I just get a blow-up doll?”

A blow-up doll of Bugs Bunny fell at Yakko’s feet. He sighed and popped it. It flew around the room, landing draped over the cross.

“I don’t care if it is unwise Or if I go to hell; Hope I live to tell if things will turn out right, Because….the suspense is killing me!”

Yakko dramatically did a fainting gesture in front of the cross. A few yards away, Wakko sat on a toilet in the middle of the room, illuminated by a second spotlight. He spun the little plastic stick on a gloved finger as he sang:

“The test was positive. Don’t need Maury, I know who the dad is.”

Wakko put another finger on top of the stick to stop its spinning. The stick stopped, pointing to Yakko, who was still in the dramatic “fainted” pose. Wakko continued to sing:

“The light that Dot will never see, It shines in him, in fact, it’s blinding me.”

The spotlight shone directly on the mirrored cross, casting the glare directly into Wakko’s eyes. He continued singing while groping around, blinded.

“We couldn’t hide from Dot’s sharp eyes So I’ll just say ‘Oh well.’ Hope I live to tell if things will turn out right Because….This light is burning me!”

Wakko ran around on fire until he remembered to stop, drop, and roll. Once extinguished, he rolled over on top of Yakko, who woke up from his pose to sing:

“The plot, it seems so far behind. This story’s gone to hell. Could somebody tell me if the plot will bend Because….this song should really end.”

The spotlight turned off as Yakko finished singing.

“Did the studio forget to pay the light bill again?”

-O-o-O-

Yakko and Wakko were sitting on Yakko’s bunk, staring at the oh-so-unfaboo plastic stick.

“So….yeah,” was all Yakko could say.

“Yeah.” Wakko responded.

Yakko scratched his head. “How did this happen, anyway?”

“Well, when two people love each other—”

“Not that way,” Yakko said. “I mean, how did you get pregnant if you’re a boy?”

“You know how there’s cartoon physics?”

“Yeah?”

“It was cartoon biology.”

“Oh.” Yakko wondered where the heck he was when Wakko learned this. More importantly, where did he get the pregnancy test from?

“Where’d you find that thing, anyway?”

“It came out of my gag bag.”

The brothers continued to stare at the stick.

“Shouldn’t we do something other than just staring at this stick?” Yakko said.

“Like what?” Wakko asked.

“Like, telling Dot?”

“She’s not going to like it.”

“Well, she doesn’t like going to the dentist and we make her do that anyway. She’ll find out about it sooner or later, it might as well be sooner.”

“What if she decides to stay away from us? Or run even farther away?” Wakko asked fearfully.

“I doubt she’d do that. We’re her brothers. We’ve never been apart for longer than a week; we practically need each other. And besides,” Yakko continued, “even if she does leave, we’ll still have each other.”

“That’s sweet. Unbelievably clichéd, but sweet.”

“I think it’s time for another song.”

A whimsical tune set to the beat of a waltz played on a synthesizer. Around the brothers, the scene changed from the bedroom to a meadow of bright green grass and day-glo flowers. The sky shone a technicolor blue.

In the middle of the field, there was a brightly-colored structure that looked like a carousel, but was really a funhouse.

Yakko now wore an electric blue tunic with his khaki slacks. A laser necklace sat on his head like a halo, and glow sticks dangled from his shirt and pants. Wakko still wore his red cap, but instead of his blue sweatshirt, he wore a day-glo violet tunic. (Author's Note: to the tune of "Witch in the Ditch" by Erasure)

Yakko began skipping backwards in the direction of the funhouse as he sang:

“No, I could never Give up on the fight Just because Dot is being a hater. We’re looking and searching For a place we can love in Why am I dressed like a raver?”

Yakko shrugged it off, then knelt down in front of Wakko, continuing:

“But it was you, bruder, that turned my world around. Yes, it was you, mein lieb, with whom I have laid down.”

The music reached its crescendo as Yakko jumped up and began to dance wildly around singing:

“Rules were meant to be forgotten, Broken and laid down to die. Man, that line sounded so trite. Oh, to you I will be faithful, Cross my heart and hope to die. What’s up with the neon lights?”

Yakko and Wakko were now standing in the funhouse. Neon signs lit the dark area, along with lava lamps, strobe lights, and glow sticks. They looked around at the display that was sure to blind someone, then shrugged as Wakko began singing:

“We dropped our britches Then Dot had to ditch us For Hello Nurse, what a surprise. But I love you still For your wit and your will And not just for your great ‘shoe’ size.”

Yakko blushed with a humongous cheesy grin on his face as Wakko pressed himself against him and sang:

“Yes, it is you, mein herr, that makes me less unsound.”

Both Yakko and Wakko sang as they danced around a strobe-light maypole:

“Rules were meant to be forgotten. The author has got to be high. Let’s frolic through the strobe lights. Who cares if we aren’t ravers? Let’s not even wonder why What’s up with all the strobe lights?”

Wakko pulled Yakko closer and sang:

“Wanna go at it tonight?”

Yakko nodded vigorously. All the lights shut off.

-O-o-O-

The next morning, Yakko and Wakko lay in each other’s arms, blissful from the events of the previous night. They were getting better at doing their thing—at least it seemed better. They were certainly louder, what with Yakko yelling that he’d entered the “Valley of Light” and Wakko so far into a climax, he started talking backwards.

Of course, there was the nipple-honking as well.

Yakko looked over at the clock. It was about 10:30 AM, which meant their appointment with Scratchy was in about an hour. Originally, it would have been the next day, but Wakko decided that Dot needed to know about her future niece or nephew sooner. Yakko willingly rescheduled the appointment, wanting to quickly get things resolved.

When they arrived at Scratchy’s office, Dot was already there. She sat on the couch, arms crossed. Though she looked a lot less angry than she had a couple days ago, Yakko still thought they should approach with caution.

Yakko and Wakko took their places on the couch next to Dot. Dot shot a dirty look at Wakko, who, still sore from their argument, temporarily turned into a magic mirror and reflected the look right back (but with his face instead of Dot’s).

Dot gave a dirtier look, shattering the mirror and turning Wakko back to normal.

Wakko stuck his tongue out.

Dot made an akanbe face at Wakko.

Wakko stuck his tongue out and turned his eyes into spirals.

Dot flipped Wakko the arm.

Wakko flipped Dot the bird. The Goodfeathers were scandalized.

“Hey, we’re making progress already! They’re communicating through hand gestures!” Yakko exclaimed. “Now if only they’d use their words.”

Currently, Wakko and Dot were flipping each other off, while flipping their own bodies, in a contest to see who could raise their middle finger higher. Dot started doing the Cabbage Patch with both her middle fingers raised. Wakko did the Bogle with his own two middle fingers.

“How are they doing that with only four fingers?” Yakko wondered aloud.

“Zhat is quite enough,” Scratchy commanded gently. “Now, Dot, please tell your brozers vhy you are so angry vith zhem.”

“I’m mad at them because they’re shacking up with each other, duh!” Dot rolled her eyes.

“Dot, does it really make you zhat angry?” Scratchy prompted.

“Of course it does! They’re brothers! That’s totally gross!” Dot made a face (not at Wakko this time).

“But Vakko has done gross things in zhe past und it has not angered you so.”

“Yeah, well….This is different,” Dot tried to explain.

“How so?”

“Well….They were having sex! And….Did either of you really even know what you were doing?”

“Did we ever,” Yakko beamed. Wakko’s heavy-lidded, blissed-out expression was his answer.

“See how they’re acting, Scratchy? They’re just blatantly throwing it around like Wakko’s underwear!”

“Hey, I resent that!” Wakko yelled. “I don’t even wear underwear!”

“And there it is again! Just no shame whatsoever!”

Yakko then realized that he’d barely said anything the entire appointment. He decided he’d better remedy that.

“Oh, we have plenty of shame. And it’s all towards how you’re behaving right now!” Yakko responded. “You’re supposed to talk to us like a normal person, not shout and hurl insults!” Yakko noticed Wakko sitting quietly on the couch next to him. He leaned in close and whispered, “This is your cue to defend yourself against her calling you a whore.”

“I’m not going to,” Wakko stated simply. Both Dot and Yakko stared shocked, as did Scratchy.

“You’re right, Dot. I have no shame. I love my brother and I want to make sweet, hot love to him every day. In fact, I want him in me right now. And if that makes me a dirty whore, then fine.”

Scratchy was utterly speechless. He’d never heard such language from Wakko, especially not directed at Dot.

“And I have no problem with the fact that I’m pregnant with his child,” Wakko continued casually, as Dot’s jaw dropped further. “That’s right—I’m knocked up and it’s Yakko’s.”

Dot continued to star in horror. Scratchy followed suit. Yakko sat back and watched the show.

The office went dark and a single spotlight shone on Wakko, who was now wearing a black shiny leotard, not unlike one Madonna had worn in a certain music video. Scratchy, Dot, and Yakko watched in horror (or in Yakko’s case, amusement) as the music began and Wakko sang:

(Author's Note: to the tune of "Papa Don't Preach" by Madonna)

“Dot, I know that you’re already upset, Because I’m always acting gross. But you should know by now, That’s just how I am. You think that this whole thing is wrong. Well, I don’t care my love is way too strong. I may be young at heart But I know what I’m saying. Our brother knows how to turn me on. We’ve been making love while you were gone. We really can’t help ourselves, And I don’t mean maybe. So please…. Dottie, don’t freak; He makes my heart scream. Dottie, don’t freak; He is my wet dream And I’ve made up my mind, I’m keeping my baby, yeah.”

By the time the music ended, Dot had unhinged her jaw like a snake. Scratchy, who had gotten over the initial shock, asked Yakko, “I zhought she did not like to be called ‘Dottie.’”

“Well, judging from her reaction, I don’t think she cared,” Yakko answered, waving a hand in front of Dot’s face.

-O-o-O-

“This ending sucks, and you’re to blame. You’re giving fic a bad name,” Hrothella critiqued. “Try again.”

Fae balled up the pieces of paper and started over. “I guess that don’t impress her much.”

-O-o-O-o-O-

And the moral of today’s story is: When you can't talk it out, sing about it instead.