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Congrats Jason, you just became a dad and got a boyfriend in the same day.

Not even Bruce could achieve that.

Someone is stealing Jason's Hoodies

Which like, fine. Alright. He gets it; with as many siblings as he has, it's impossible to track who takes what.

But someone stole his favorite hoodie.

Cass had given it to him.

It was perfect and comfy and soft and someone was gonna pay.

A quick message to the group chat was the only warning the culprit was gonna get as he checked his security cameras.

Except that isn't Tim. Or Damian. Or Dick, or Steph, or Cass, or Duke, or even Bruce.

It's a little girl.

She can't be older than six, she's got white hair, she floats, and...

...Lazarus Green eyes.

He watches her phase through his ceiling, and considers. He'd assumed it was rodents he was hearing, but...

Jason creeps up the stairs and gets to the door as quietly as he can, opting to listen before barging in.

There's a little girl's voice on the other side, desperately cheerful in a way that only those on the verge of grieving can be.

"-And you'll be okay, and you'll be safe, cuz I'm making the best nest for you ever, Danny you're gonna be so impressed, and you're gonna wake up any day now and I won't be alone anymore!"

Shit.

Fuck.

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit-

Jason knocks lightly on the door.

"Don't run," he calls out, "I'm here to help. What do you need?"

The Crime Lord does not stop flirting with me!

When Danny ran away from home and ended up in Gotham he wasn't quite sure what to do, adrenaline was coursing through his veins and all he wanted was a place to be safe.

That's when Crime Alley lit up like a Christmas tree and Danny knew it could be his new home, something about Crime Alley was drawing him in. It wasn't long before he decided to get a job to lay low. Of course, the latter was a bust because Red Hood noticed him almost instantly.

Contrary to his expectations, the Crime Lord took an interest in him but said nothing. He simply asked him to repair his motorcycle like a normal customer in his new job. Danny did and well, he couldn't help but repair some damaged systems and add some modifications. He hoped he wasn't stepping out of line, he just couldn't help himself, it was second nature to repair damaged things.

He thought Red Hood would be angry about it but the man seemed delighted (or as delighted as he could look with the mask), he looked at Danny and asked him what else he could do. Nervously, he told him that he was somewhat good with technology and before he knew it he had been hired by a gang (more or less, they were just asking for some custom orders).

So, technically he established as the mechanic and supplier to the Hood gang, and more specifically to the Crime Lord himself. He gave Hood some upgrades and became his supplier of (mostly harmless) weapons and upgrades. This attracted the attention of most of the gangs that were against the Crime Lord and Batman himself.

Jason, noticing how nervous the guy was assured him that he would protect him and no one was going to hurt him as long as he was around, it was obvious he wasn't from Gotham. For some reason, his new employee blushed every time he said those words.

Danny didn't know if Red Hood understood what he was doing (That was totally a flirt for protection spirits!), every day it was getting harder and harder not to respond to him. His ghost side kept screaming that he got a good match!

Which was technically true, considering that Red Hood had promised him protection and let him stay in his haunt (it became obvious that Crime Alley was his haunt after a few days in Gotham but strangely it accepted him)

Jason continued to promise Danny that he would be safe (poor boy always looked nervous) and Danny wondered how many days he could take the blatant flirting.

What if when Danny gets summoned he just appears as a terrifying eldritch horror and he doesn't realize he's speaking ghost speak (which for this Jason doesn't know) so from his perspective he comforted the random guy and explained "hey dude were married now but its not a big deal so dont worry i dont expect anything from you." But from Jason's perspective it's just this giant monster that was summoned, he was the only one choosen of 3 sacrifices, and he is now bound to it and it (maybe) owns him/his soul according to John Constantin

Ghost King Phantom answers a summons to a new dimension to find a sacrificial offering in three magic circles. One, holding Bizarro, another holding Artimus and the one in front holding Red Hood.

Phantom has no idea who these people are, but he knows the people in charge must be powerful mages or whatever. Doesn't matter. None of the mages hes ever had to face had known about his Halfa status so naturally thier wards and protections wouldn't work on him. He captures the kid with a naselly voice and his orange cat in a force field to give to Jazz later. She had been talking about wanting to study the psychology of a supernatural being for a while now so he'd help her out.

He made quick work of the other mages before turning around and facing the "sacrifices" the two in the back were still out cold but the one in front, the one in the red helm was radiating terror and rage. He was shaking even though Phantom hadn't done anything to him and had no intentions to. Danny landed outside the circle, trying to whisper something conforting as he stepped closer.

The moment he stepped into the ring however, the red runes turned into a bright green and the three circles disappeared. Danny didn't feel any different so he assumed it was nothing and he freed the captives before disappearing, none the wiser that Klarion the Witchboy had made a few translation mistakes in the slave contract and accidentally married a terrified Red Hood to Phantom, the High King of the Undead and King of the Lazarus dimension, also known as the Infinite Realms.

Danny probably learns he married that guy at some point but just kinda shrugs it off. Polygamy is legal in the realms and thier marriage doesn't change much. Sure, Danny is practically contractually obligated to save this guy if he's ever in mortal peril but Danny has no problems with that. He'd do it anyway.

So he just ignores the situation hoping it doesn't come up again.

It does.

Repeatedly.

I'm so surprised we don't have more Dead on Main ghost king marriage aus where Jason/the pit inside of him is terrified of Phantom. Let's change that