Disaster Werewolf Children - Tumblr Posts

Stiles: There are way more things I hate about Derek than like about him. His stupid Clark Kent glasses he pretends he doesn't wear, his extensive Henley collection.

Stiles: And he loves nature so much. He once talked about convergent evolution for two hours... I timed it. And he only stopped because he saw me timing him.

Stiles: Granted, he laughed, and kind of made fun of himself, it was a nice moment, but still.

Stiles: He always twitches his eyebrows when he says my name, and he tilts his head whenever I say anything totally nuts, but he never makes fun of me, which is nice.

Stiles: He's also incredibly patient, and kind, and amazingly jacked, and, oh, fuck, I'm in love with Derek!

Derek: My phone got smashed in a fight. I was going to use Stiles's, but his contact list is nothing but emojis, so I'm just going to start howling until someone finds me.

Kira, headphones in: Jenny, darling, you're my best friend. But there's a few things that you don't know of~

Kira: Why I borrow your lipstick so often. I'm using your shirt as a pillowcase~

Kira: Ooh, I wanna ruin our friendship. We should be lovers instead~

Malia: ...

[Later]

Malia: *kicks in the door, eyes blue and claws out* WHO THE FUCK IS JENNY?!

Stiles, soaking in the bathtub: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST-

Young Derek: I don't need a babysitter, why did Scott leave me with-

Stiles: *crushes two Adderall, mixes them into a glass of Red Bull and Hennessey, and downs half in one go*

Young Derek: -an insane person. He left me with an insane person.

Erica: Do you think normal dogs see police dogs and go "oh shit, a cop"?

Isaac: Whoa, do they???

Boyd: Does the police dog have its little vest on?

Derek: It's 2am. Go to sleep. Go the fuck to sleep.

Allison: So. You swear a lot, you lie to the cops, you commit crimes for fun, and your morals are way questionable.

Stiles: ...

Allison: You're everything I want in a best friend.

Isaac: I want to do crime, but I only have a dollar.

Boyd: I also have a dollar.

Erica: Hey, Stiles, how much crime can we do with two dollars?

Stiles: Exchange the dollars for 200 pennies, put all the pennies in a sock, and bludgeon someone to death with it. Cheapest way to a murder.

Derek: Babe, what the FUCK?!

Stiles: Ah, that first sip of coffee.

The Betas: WE ARE IN A FIGHT?!?!

Stiles: No, you guys are in a fight. The same you guys who kept me up until 3am with your werewolfing shit.

Stiles: I am having coffee, and I will hit whoever comes within batting reach. Might even hit an enemy.

Stiles: Things I will not call you a whore for - having sex.

Stiles: Things I will call you a whore for - stealing my fucking fries.

Young Derek: I don't need a babysitter, why did Scott leave me with-

Stiles: *crushes two Adderall, mixes them into a glass of Red Bull and Hennessey, and downs half in one go*

Young Derek: -an insane person. He left me with an insane person.

[Adventures In Cubsitting]

Talia: So, tell me, why exactly are there little muddy pawprints all over my kitchen?

14-Year-Old Peter: I, uh, well...

Peter, to Derek: Why are there little pawprints all over the kitchen?

3-Year-Old Derek: 'Cause I got little paws!

Peter, to Talia: Because he's got little paws.

Talia: *deep, deep sigh*

Peter, looking under the bed: Hey, cub, ready to come out and socialize again?

Bby Derek: *growls*

Peter: Understandable, have a nice day.

Chris: It's a white flag, Stilinski, and I suggest you start waving it now.

Stiles: The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping wife and daughter!

Chris:

The hunters:

Scott:

Derek:

Chris: Hey, what the fuck-