Expenses - Tumblr Posts
“Hi. I just read your recent post and wanted to ask how much money it really takes to make it in high society. Building a business, signing up for women’s clubs, and philanthropy takes a lot of money. I like your series so far and would like to see more. Thank you.”
Thank god I’m not yelling into the void! Thank you!
Here’s the answer you’re all dreading my reply to: It depends. There is no set magical number.
“High society” which is a subjective term in and of itself operates in levels. For example, personally I don’t intend on become one of the billionaire class because I disagree fundamentally with their ecological and social malpractice on an ethical level. Therefore, I’ll never need to invest as much as I would if I intended to join that class (which is a defunct idea anyway, the way the global economy and cultural awareness is going. Do I hear a guillotine in the distance, anyone?)
But let’s draw our attention back to more achievable levels of wealth (that aren’t going to be overthrown in the coming decades).
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: Yes, a degree of positive free cash flow is required to meet baseline requirements for social climbing. However, after a point, positive cash flow is a lubricant, and can be switched for effort, consistency and a certain thriftiness.
People with excess free cash flow have the luxury of trading cash for effort. For those of us with less free cash flow, we need to invest effort, not cash.
Example: a wealthy person can invest several thousand a year into hiring a personal trainer and nutritionist to keep them fit and healthy. A less wealthy person would take the time to educate themselves on those topics and develop the willpower to consistently apply them. See how one uses cash to fix the problem, and the other requires effort?
Now apply that thinking to everything you see as a roadblock.
Can’t afford a ticket to xyz event? Make the effort to form connections with the people who can get you one for free or discounted. Befriend someone to go as a plus one.
Can’t afford a personal stylist? There’s a metric tonne of free information online on looking polished. Make the effort to educate yourself, and begin applying those practices in real life. Consciously reject low quality grooming and dressing. Be thrifty with your spending, consignment stores, vintage, sales. How you carry yourself and the aura your project make you seem better off than any ugly brand logo. You’ve heard this advice before because it’s low hanging fruit.
Can’t afford a business networking event? That’s pure bullshit and just shows how little effort you’re putting in to this. Business events are free more often than not. Get a meetup account and attend tech, finance, start-up, real estate, art and any other meeting you deem personally relevant. If you’re socially adept and provide (intellectual, social, emotional, ie no cash required) benefit to those you meet there, invites will arrive to more exclusive groups. Ticket costs can be bypassed if you know the right people. The right people don’t cost money to access, but require effort.
Can’t afford to start a business? Agreed, starting a business merely for social climbing is strange. Business is central, while social climbing is peripheral. However, events geared around industries you’re interested in (either because you want to work in that field / recognize the amount of wealth in that field) are common and typically easy to get into. See above.
Personal tangent: I attended a single tech meeting in my old (small to medium!) city in 2019. I was the only woman there. No other women in this (disposable) social group is great because there’s no-one to call you out on pandering to men. (If the group was not disposable / there were woman present I would have had to be more subversive with my tactics to avoid raising ire). Tech men, particularly the old school ones are my favourite because they lack social nuance and are more than happy to provide labour for the mere attention of a generally attractive and attentive woman. I made the effort to speak personally with the founder of the group once the event was done, and the next day I received links to resources on the field I was interested in, and an invite to a separate group specifically for that industry. This event was free. All it cost was 1.5 hours of my day and a smile. If you can’t muster even that minuscule amount of effort you’re not for social climbing.
Superfluous parts of social climbing can be paid for in effort, not cash. But what about the essentials?
If you’re a functioning adult you have a written budget. Excel sheet, mint, YNAB, whatever the fuck. You record where your money comes from, how much, and where it leaves, how much.
Essentials must become budgeted.
How much are these essentials Dietywork? Tell me! I’m skimming this entire article to find this answer!
I don’t know your personal circumstance, it’s time for you to do some research.
Here’s a few ideas of what is an essential that can’t be exchanged for effort:
Social club membership fee
Tertiary education costs (debatable)
Charitable donations (debatable)
Higher education mainly serves as a networking tool nowadays, and nobody particularly gives a shit about your piece of paper unless you’re a surgeon or pilot. Hyperbole, but you get the point.
Yes, typically the wealthy give financially to causes, but there’s no reason you can’t be seen providing physical work as your donation. Additionally, many social clubs pool finances to donate, which allows you to become involved without people seeing you name and exact dollar amount you gave.
So what are the social club fees!? I don’t know what’s near you, do some research. For reference, the old boys club in my city charges ~500 to 2000 euro p/a just as a membership fee, with additional activity costs on top. However, the women’s society I belong to only charges 95 euro p/a, with additional activity and event costs. Less than a fifth! And I know damn well some of you spend more than that club fee on something useless that could be swapped for effort. Stop fake tanning and purchase a club membership instead.
If you find something that you know you cannot exchange for effort, and you depend on it to gain access to higher social circles, you must add it it to your monthly budget.
Increase your cash flow with a side job if you need to. Reduce your discretionary expenses and channel that cash into essentials. Reduce your financial output and increase your effort output. These are investments that pay off with time and commitment. There is no quick fix.
As a final aside, being socially adept and well connected (which doesn’t cost money to begin) can provide vast amounts of ROI. Older, more established women in your circle will assist in getting you the proper clothes for an event if you don’t own them, ie loaning or recommendations. Men you’re seeing can be made to take care of your grooming expenses. Business connections can bend the rules to get you free access to industry events.
Yes, wouldn’t it be lovely if we had the cash to throw at the problem to make it go away. However, we use effort as a replacement to get us to the point where we can throw cash.
“Hi. I just read your recent post and wanted to ask how much money it really takes to make it in high society. Building a business, signing up for women’s clubs, and philanthropy takes a lot of money. I like your series so far and would like to see more. Thank you.”
Thank god I’m not yelling into the void! Thank you!
Here’s the answer you’re all dreading my reply to: It depends. There is no set magical number.
“High society” which is a subjective term in and of itself operates in levels. For example, personally I don’t intend on become one of the billionaire class because I disagree fundamentally with their ecological and social malpractice on an ethical level. Therefore, I’ll never need to invest as much as I would if I intended to join that class (which is a defunct idea anyway, the way the global economy and cultural awareness is going. Do I hear a guillotine in the distance, anyone?)
But let’s draw our attention back to more achievable levels of wealth (that aren’t going to be overthrown in the coming decades).
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: Yes, a degree of positive free cash flow is required to meet baseline requirements for social climbing. However, after a point, positive cash flow is a lubricant, and can be switched for effort, consistency and a certain thriftiness.
People with excess free cash flow have the luxury of trading cash for effort. For those of us with less free cash flow, we need to invest effort, not cash.
Example: a wealthy person can invest several thousand a year into hiring a personal trainer and nutritionist to keep them fit and healthy. A less wealthy person would take the time to educate themselves on those topics and develop the willpower to consistently apply them. See how one uses cash to fix the problem, and the other requires effort?
Now apply that thinking to everything you see as a roadblock.
Can’t afford a ticket to xyz event? Make the effort to form connections with the people who can get you one for free or discounted. Befriend someone to go as a plus one.
Can’t afford a personal stylist? There’s a metric tonne of free information online on looking polished. Make the effort to educate yourself, and begin applying those practices in real life. Consciously reject low quality grooming and dressing. Be thrifty with your spending, consignment stores, vintage, sales. How you carry yourself and the aura your project make you seem better off than any ugly brand logo. You’ve heard this advice before because it’s low hanging fruit.
Can’t afford a business networking event? That’s pure bullshit and just shows how little effort you’re putting in to this. Business events are free more often than not. Get a meetup account and attend tech, finance, start-up, real estate, art and any other meeting you deem personally relevant. If you’re socially adept and provide (intellectual, social, emotional, ie no cash required) benefit to those you meet there, invites will arrive to more exclusive groups. Ticket costs can be bypassed if you know the right people. The right people don’t cost money to access, but require effort.
Can’t afford to start a business? Agreed, starting a business merely for social climbing is strange. Business is central, while social climbing is peripheral. However, events geared around industries you’re interested in (either because you want to work in that field / recognize the amount of wealth in that field) are common and typically easy to get into. See above.
Personal tangent: I attended a single tech meeting in my old (small to medium!) city in 2019. I was the only woman there. No other women in this (disposable) social group is great because there’s no-one to call you out on pandering to men. (If the group was not disposable / there were woman present I would have had to be more subversive with my tactics to avoid raising ire). Tech men, particularly the old school ones are my favourite because they lack social nuance and are more than happy to provide labour for the mere attention of a generally attractive and attentive woman. I made the effort to speak personally with the founder of the group once the event was done, and the next day I received links to resources on the field I was interested in, and an invite to a separate group specifically for that industry. This event was free. All it cost was 1.5 hours of my day and a smile. If you can’t muster even that minuscule amount of effort you’re not for social climbing.
Superfluous parts of social climbing can be paid for in effort, not cash. But what about the essentials?
If you’re a functioning adult you have a written budget. Excel sheet, mint, YNAB, whatever the fuck. You record where your money comes from, how much, and where it leaves, how much.
Essentials must become budgeted.
How much are these essentials Dietywork? Tell me! I’m skimming this entire article to find this answer!
I don’t know your personal circumstance, it’s time for you to do some research.
Here’s a few ideas of what is an essential that can’t be exchanged for effort:
Social club membership fee
Tertiary education costs (debatable)
Charitable donations (debatable)
Higher education mainly serves as a networking tool nowadays, and nobody particularly gives a shit about your piece of paper unless you’re a surgeon or pilot. Hyperbole, but you get the point.
Yes, typically the wealthy give financially to causes, but there’s no reason you can’t be seen providing physical work as your donation. Additionally, many social clubs pool finances to donate, which allows you to become involved without people seeing you name and exact dollar amount you gave.
So what are the social club fees!? I don’t know what’s near you, do some research. For reference, the old boys club in my city charges ~500 to 2000 euro p/a just as a membership fee, with additional activity costs on top. However, the women’s society I belong to only charges 95 euro p/a, with additional activity and event costs. Less than a fifth! And I know damn well some of you spend more than that club fee on something useless that could be swapped for effort. Stop fake tanning and purchase a club membership instead.
If you find something that you know you cannot exchange for effort, and you depend on it to gain access to higher social circles, you must add it it to your monthly budget.
Increase your cash flow with a side job if you need to. Reduce your discretionary expenses and channel that cash into essentials. Reduce your financial output and increase your effort output. These are investments that pay off with time and commitment. There is no quick fix.
As a final aside, being socially adept and well connected (which doesn’t cost money to begin) can provide vast amounts of ROI. Older, more established women in your circle will assist in getting you the proper clothes for an event if you don’t own them, ie loaning or recommendations. Men you’re seeing can be made to take care of your grooming expenses. Business connections can bend the rules to get you free access to industry events.
Yes, wouldn’t it be lovely if we had the cash to throw at the problem to make it go away. However, we use effort as a replacement to get us to the point where we can throw cash.