Explain To Me - Tumblr Posts

If anyone or someone that they know has a crippling hyper fixation on star fox and is willing to explain the story line snd the characters to me that would be great

I want to know because Wolf is one of my smash mains and hes so babygirl

this is probably forty years late, but I think it would have been absolutely hilarious if darth vader and anakin skywalker were different people, and darth vader was in love with anakin.

like, anakin is still married to padme and they have their kids, but vader and him have this sexual tension with real love and it's even more fucked up than how it was with obi-wan. with obi-wan it’s like, daddy issues with a splotch of ‘have i made you proud? i’ll keep trying if i suck.’ these two are like, our souls smolder together in the same flame, our bond will not fail with time's treacherous plans, and also refuse to talk to each other because one of them ate the other's space sandwich.  vader is just like, obvious as hell and makes an effort to bridal carry anakin at every possible chance. there has to be bridal carrys; anakin wears a wedding gown in one of them. he writes angsty love poetry that compares his love to the burning of stars and the treacherous swell of the sea and the unrelenting chains of the desert and tells people with 100%  seriousness that he’ll cut someone’s throat and drip blood over their corpse and himself if it pleases anakin. anakin believes this is normal. 

vader is just like, what do you mean it’s not normal to cling to your best friend and tell him his lips are beautiful. it’s totally fine to tell your best friend that you want him as your wife and do his space AP Lit homework cuz he’s shit at anything not related to calculus. he cries and refuses to come out his room when anakin is kidnapped. he goes on a rampage, comes back covered in blood and anakin coos and brings warm blankets for his sweet boy.

vader is a literature nerd in this universe, and he loves a STEM child. it’s enemies to lovers.

obi-wan in this universe is just like, old man who drinks tea and tells everyone that this is a bad idea and no one listens to him. he gets to have his i-told-you-so moment on padme's funeral and its the only piece of vindication that he gets in the entire trilogy. he is satisfied.

like, vader and anakin grow up together and they both have this weirdly layered bond of gayness and friendship. they both get assigned to guard the senator, and then vader realizes he's in love after third wheeling for three days. anakin is head over heels, and marries padme since she’s the only one he’s met that’s as crazy as vader and he decides that he needs more people like him in his life.  vader spends the rest of clone wars being benignly jealous and cooking up more and more ridiculous schemes to confess his love. at one point space koalas are involved and anakin has been dumped in more roses than he can count. he now constantly smells like roses and troopers hang around him to avoid army stonk. anakin just being all stupid and like ' wow, you are such a nice friend.' the clone army all knows and are dying of laughter. (it turns really sad once they realize that vader really does love him, and he is aware that he'll never really be loved back. he is trying to get over it, but is failing really really badly)

padme and vader hate each other; vader has a cloth voodoo padme doll with a red dress and terrifying white makeup that he regularly sticks pins into because sticking pins into the real padme would make anakin sad, and padme uses an ouija board to attempt to send malevolent spirits to vader on his starship without telling anakin. anakin thinks that they both have a 'difficult, but loving relationship' kind of like him and vader. the irony is lost on him.

padme is lowkey insane, and can and will strangle you in a parking lot if you look at her wrong. she is a space atheist and she and vader argue about whether the Force is real, because she is a lady of science and you can’t make me join your religion, vader. she really does love anakin, but also isn’t a white feminist in this, and publicly disagrees with the jedi and constantly opposes the clones on human rights basis. it causes a bit of strife. vader agrees, but would rather ‘strangle himself with her fancy ass scarf’ than tell her. anakin is traumatized, and constantly downplays his issues, which is why he can’t recognize the clones’ problems. 

anakin finds out that padme’s birth control failed, and is planning on leaving the senate. anakin begins to get dreams of padme dying, and confides in vader. vader attempts to help, but their plan gets them caught by the jedi council, and anakin is expelled. vader swears revenge and keeps looking; he begins to obsess over cheating death and turns to sidious for help. he tells him that if he murders a bunch of kids, he'll be able to use their souls to keep padme and anakin's kids alive along with padme. vader decides that it is worth the effort for anakin.

anakin has obvious objections, and has this talk with padme on how he was going to try to bring vader back from the darkside. padme thinks it's a stupid idea, but agrees to help him. anakin goes to mustafar and then meets vader whose unhinged and off his rocker.

drunk on the dark side, vader confesses to anakin and offers to rule the galaxy with him and padme. anakin refuses, and vader gets mad. obi-wan is here too for some reason, and then they all get into an argument where someone skewers anakin. the fight on mustafar ends with vader screaming at anakin's corpse and going "you swore that you loved me, and you always chose her. you liar!" padme comes from the ship, and she and vader have a tug of war with anakin's corpse which ends with him force choking her. (obi-wan leaves with padme who is distraught and trying to get her husband's body back from vader) vader then has a full on breakdown where he tries to beat anakin back to life and is scream sobbing while hugging anakin's corpse as he catches on fire because he's standing too close to the lava and that's how palpatine finds them.

he's sealed in a metal can and basically terrorizes the galaxy so he can inflict his misery on the world. tragedy at the greatest level. padme names vader as like, godfather to her two kids and then dies. nobody knows why she does this, and bail wonders if she had amnesia and decides not to tell her that the dude is a murderer who killed her husband and prayed for three years that her marriage would end in a lavender divorce. (she names vader godfather as a last promise to anakin)

vader is sad upon finding that padme is dead, and takes out all of the pins in the padme doll, and begs it to make padme come back. it does not work.

i have no idea how luke goes into this, but it would probably end with the 'obi-wan killed your dad' plot twist where anakin tries to stop obi-wan from killing vader and then obi-wan impales him on accident or something. it's stupid as fuck, but i can't think of a better solution.

anyway luke saves his gay godfather who tells him not to be obsessively possessive of others like he was to his dad, and tells him to use his ship to escape. he dies while killing the emperor to save luke, and then luke burns his body. after the funeral, he opens the cockpit and finds a dull black box in one compartment. he finds the padme doll with ominous pin stabs, and a picture of his dad and mom with conspicuous horns erased, and angelic wings drawn over it crudely. he also finds a picture of vader, his father and obi-wan with ahsoka with the huttese words 'my love, my father, my child' written on the back. luke is a bit weirded out, but he appreciates it.

i don't know why i wrote this.

What makes those 2068 years sluttly slutty?

It’s that time of the year again