For Consideration - Tumblr Posts

Ways men opt out of housework and childcare by “helping out”

take on weekly or monthly tasks, and think it’s equal to their wives daily tasks (even when wives also have weekly and monthly tasks)

take on tasks that require very little time or hard labor, like mowing the lawn.

take on a “project” that could be fixed by a professional, and work on it little by little but never really finish

create chores for their children, i.e. delegate rather than doing

do housework only in tandem, i.e. never on their own or without help.

volunteer on their own for some disliked task. For example, cleaning the toilets without asking. unfortunately, this tends to be seen as very loving and exceptional. Often it will be used as an excuse not to do anything else

enthusiastically volunteer to do things often, then conveniently “forget”, “make plans”, or have some sort of weird parameter to get started. When wife or child does it instead, claim they were going to do it, really!

pick a jurisdiction they already enjoy, like “take care of dog” or “the yard”

do something really badly, so that someone else has to do it for them anyway afterwards

“tidy up” a mess they made

pick up or organize clutter, however the often stressful, emotional, and time consuming task of de-cluttering is left undone or for someone else

meticulous keep clean a space that is only theirs, i.e. their study, their garage.

create tasks that aren’t needed, like “organize the toolbox” or “rearrange the bookshelf”

do tasks that require prep work that their wives will do for them (i.e. grilling the food, but not planning, purchasing, seasoning or preparing the sides)

take control of “finances” but do very little, perhaps the taxes. this is also used as a way to control their wives often

use their time with their children to play or dole out discipline/lessons, but very little time on feeding/bathing/dressing or organizing their lives. this is also away men can create a “fun parent/mean parent” dynamic

make lists of what needs to get done, discuss what needs to get done with their wives, act very invested in the housework, take on a “manager” role in the housework, but do very little of it

tell wives that what little is done in the house, by either of them, is “enough” and that he “doesn’t care” what the house looks like (this is a l i e). i.e. doing little and then making an emotional appeal that it’s fine, co-opting the emotional labor his wife does for him, but actually it’s very manipulative

getting involved with children’s after school activities, i.e. being a coach, organizing a concert, etc. often a thing he already enjoys. often does very little of the organizing/plan making. often makes little effort to create time for his wife’s personal interests

pay attention to your fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, boyfriends, husbands actions. you’ll start to see these constantly 

I had a hard time grasping it until I read a good reframe of privilege. White privilege isn’t ‘bonus points’, it’s not additive. It’s that the rules of the game, as we are sold it, actually apply and aren’t changed. They don’t seemingly randomly become extra rules to ensure you don’t get any points or lose the points you gain. Privilege is a failure to subtract. Anyone without ‘white privilege’ (or ‘privilege’ of any kind) is constantly fighting against increasingly absurd restrictions and subtractions to their ability to function. Race is one set of ‘yeah, but not for X’ additional ‘rules of functioning’ and gender is another. 

It’s animal farm’s classic “all animals are equal but some are more equal than others”. We set the starting line in on place then say anyone who isn’t white has to take a step back. Anyone who isn’t male has to take a step back. Anyone who isn’t rich has to take two steps back. Then we act all shocked when some rich white dude wins the race. 

White privilege is to misogyny what male privilege is to racism. White privilege AND male privilege exist. Racism AND misogyny exist.

white privilege exists AND misogyny exists and white women experience both of these at the same time. Like neither one cancels the other out. Why is this so difficult for people to understand