Fornight - Tumblr Posts

" I love you, it's ruining my life "₊⊹ - ttpd

I love you, but you're ruining my life.

You don't understand, do you? Every day I wake up with your name in my head, and every night I close my eyes hoping that you think of me, even just for a moment. But I know that’s not the case. I know that, to you, I’m just a small part of your day, while you are my whole world.

Do you remember when we met? I do, every little detail. The way you smiled, the way you looked at me, like I was the only person in the world for just a second. But that second is gone. And now I’m here, stuck in this limbo, torn between wanting you so badly and knowing that I’ll never truly have you.

There are days when I convince myself that maybe you’re distant because you're busy, that you have other things on your mind. But then I realize, if you really wanted me, you’d find the time. And yet, here I am, waiting for a message from you that never comes, while I crumble slowly, piece by piece.

Every time we talk, I try to be happy, to make you laugh, to show you the best parts of me, hoping that one day you might love me the way I love you. But every smile I get from you hurts, because deep down I know I’m just a shadow to you. And I feel so stupid. Stupid because I can’t stop. Stupid because I love you so much, even though I know it’s destroying me.

I look at myself in the mirror, and sometimes I don’t even recognize who I am anymore. Where have I gone? Where’s that girl who once had dreams, hopes, plans? Now, it feels like the only thing I want is a small piece of you, even though I know that piece will never be enough. It never is.

I wish I could tell you all of this. I wish I could scream at you how much you’re hurting me, how you’re breaking me slowly. But I’m scared. I’m scared that if I do, you’ll leave for good. And then, there really would be nothing left of me.

I love you, and it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. But I can’t stop. I can’t let you go, even though I know that every day, I’m losing myself more and more.

And you know what the worst part is? I’m not even mad at you. I’m mad at myself because I let you do this to me. Because, despite everything, I still hope that one day you’ll see me for who I really am. But that day will never come.

I love you, even if you’re ruining my life.