Heartwrenching - Tumblr Posts

lost on you | five hargreeves.

❛ hold me like you never lost your patience, tell me that you love me more than hate me. ❜

summary — five only notices you when you're no longer around.

pairings — five hargreeves x umbrella!fem!reader

warning/s — angst, profanity, character death, mentioned blood, not proofread

word count — 6.0k

a/n ! you're called as 'eight' in this fic since this is set before five went into the future. forgive me if i somehow mentioned the ua's given names

Every harsh word and curses you earned from your interaction with Five was always worth it. The feeling that even though he loathed your presence, it still gave you the relief of his acknowledgement of your existence. Admittingly, it did make you feel a little bit blue that not even once did he act nice towards you or at times where you insisted to help him and he didn’t thank you, not as much bothered to give you a small nod of appreciation or just look at your way. You once thought that maybe it was just how he is, a cold-hearted boy devoid of love making him invulnerable to everyone showing him any amount of affection and maybe add daddy issues to that list but to be fair you and the rest of your siblings have one too but none of them were like Five. It did confuse you that why only was he an asshole to you, but you were known to be the most patient among the rest of your siblings so you gave Five a chance to rethink whatever agenda he has on you and prayed to whoever was up there that the time you and him finally be friends would come around the corner. 

Deep down, you wanted it to be more.

One day, Five felt comfortably fit in the huge walls of the Academy for the first time, but then suddenly there’s you who randomly found solace in sticking too close in his space. He made the effort to always put his piqued expression everytime you’re around, to his dismay it didn’t once have you scurrying away from him nor took the hint that he didn’t want you around like he mysteriously grew a tail one day. Five found it sickening that what greets him every time he ascends downstairs after getting ready for the day is the sound of your voice greeting him a ‘Good morning’ to which he once replied ‘Now it's ruined.’ but surprisingly you laughed at his response thinking it was a silly joke. If Five were to rank all his siblings from the smartest to the dumbest, you’d be the last on the line. After that, he started ignoring all your small greetings. Claiming to himself  it would just slowly ruin his life.

The day Five prayed that one day you would magically damage your vocal cords was the day Number Three and Number Four had finally caught up with your attachment to him, where the rest of you woke up earlier than him on a Saturday morning, all gathered in the living room about to enjoy the game of Monopoly. Which you protested to have Five join, not wanting him to be left out. Unknowingly, Three and Four shared a look as you rushed upstairs to wake him.

Five groaned sleepily, having been awoken from his deep slumber by a cheering you shaking him awake. He assumed it was still early in the morning considering his body would instinctively wake him up at twelve in the afternoon whenever Reginald’s on a business trip, to which he already knew since he announced it the day before. Of course the naive old man would think that all of you would obey his orders to practice your skills while he’s away, to which none of you would ignore and coming up with a lie was one of the things the Umbrella Academy’s good at.

"Five! wake up! We’re going to play a board game with the rest in the living room. Dad’s not around.”

You tugged at his pajama sleeves to which he yanked back, shoving his head underneath his pillow. To avoid an accidental peek at your figure. Already hating the aura radiating off of you by being in his room.

“Go away, Eight.” he fumed, his voice muffled. Five wants nothing more than to blip you out to the ends of the world from interrupting his dreams. Sure it may be just the ‘tired him’ speaking, but he swore that one of these days, he’d finally had enough of you and would do it without any hesitations.

“But the last time we didn’t include you, you didn’t talk to us for days.” You frowned.

“Well it’s different and I don’t want to be near you, now go!” 

For a second there was a pause, deciding what to do to convince him. As you opened your mouth to speak, you’re prevented to let the words out as Five spoke once again,

“Shut the door on your way out and don’t come back.”

“Okay then, I’ll just send Six for you for the next round.” You begrudgingly said, ignoring the way his tone sounded harsh, maybe he’ll come around later. 

Not waiting for his response or more likely not wanting to aggravate him any longer, you turned to leave his room, making sure to shut his door gently as he requested.

“What took you long?” Seven piped up, seeing your figure sauntering towards them, they were sat on the carpeted floor, circling around on the board game, prepared for you and Five’s arrival but it was just you.

“oOoH! Is it because you two were sucking each other’s faces?” Four interrupted, wiggling his eyebrows at you, Three giggling beside him. You hadn’t missed the shocked faces on the rest, especially Seven who was suspicious of you and Five but paid it no mind since he seemed to skirmish around you, though she was once convinced it was just a cover up to hide yours and Five’s feelings towards each other. Well, it did work on One and Three once when they were at the age of ten. That was two years ago.

“What?” You yelled, eyes wide.

“We know you like Five, Eight.” Three gushed. The rest of your siblings are still lost for words.

“No I don’t.” You defended, taking place on an empty space between Six and Seven.

“Look, it’s completely okay to date him, it’s not like we’re all related, right Number One?” Four said, looking over at Three who now froze at the mention of the name.

“Four..” One warned, though his cheeks reddened visibly, not oblivious to what he was implying about. It was no secret that he and Three had this sort of relationship that was neither confirmed nor denied. The looks they’d send each other at the table every breakfast, lunch and dinner. It was also a surprise that Reginald had not once found them sneaking off to each other’s room nor the obviously more than platonic way of them holding each other’s hands after every mission as they posed for the camera. Not the rest of you though, if asked who all of you would rather choose to stay loyal to between siblings and Reginald, you would choose your siblings without a doubt.

“What? It’s not like I just revealed a big secret, At least one of us had caught you and Three trying to kiss each other.” 

“Will you lower your voice?” Three said, her head tilted down in embarrassment.

“Are you and Five really together?” Six broke out of his silence for the first time, still processing what the conversation had turned into. Even Two stopped his fidgeting on a rubik’s cube to listen to what you had to say. All of them now diverted their attention from One and Three to you. Three silently sighed in relief, having been saved from the awkward tension.

“No, What made you even say that, Four?”

“Please, the look on your eyes whenever you look at him never misses.”

“What look?” 

“Like you just drowned into a pit of marijuana juice.”

“What?” All of you simultaneously said in puzzlement.

“Your pupils grow larger, I mean.” 

“So?” You replied, still missing his point.

“You don’t look at Two or One or Six like you want to kiss them.” Two and Six blushed from the thought.

“Who says I want to kiss him?”

While engaged into a deep childish conversation, the rest of you grew mindless to the increasing volume of your voices that had now echoed around the empty mansion which had also prevented Five from falling back asleep. Even though it was muffled as much he couldn’t make out whatever all of you were talking about. Deciding he had enough of it, he barged out of his room with an angered look displayed on his face, rushing downstairs. Then he heard your annoying voice which added fuel to an already raging him, but grew curious to what you just said.

“Kiss who?” 

Just as Number Four was about to argue with you again, he’s interrupted from the groggy voice of Five standing on the entrance of the living room. All of you turned your head on his figure. Heat immediately raised to your cheeks, the thought of Five eavesdropping on a conversation about him was enough to make him hate you more, if he as much mistakens your friendliness towards him as something more, he would do whatever it takes to finally eliminate the obstacle that blocked him from the pathway towards an Eight-free life.

“Uh-Nothing! It’s Nothing!” You rambled. Nervously defensive.

“Stop playing around Five, we know you and Eight are love birds.” Four laughed. Everyone sat completely still from his words. A gasped escaped from Number Three as the rest just stared dumbfounded at Four. Then the atmosphere thickened in tension as you felt a familiar sting rising in your eyes.

“FOUR!” You stood from your sitting position.

“WHAT?” Five queried, more angrier than he was previously. 

“Five- I- I- I don’t know what he’s talking about.” You tried to play it off by lightly laughing.

“You told everyone we’re together? What the hell is wrong with you?” He said with disgust.

“No I didn’t!” You sauntered towards him but Five slowly backed away from your reach. Four could feel the guilt swallowing him as he watched the exchange he had caused, Three elbowed his side, earning her attention, she gave him a look of disappointment. Seven and Six now looked at you with empathy as they too gave disapproving looks on Four. 

“I’m gonna get us snacks.” Number Two walked out of the room, not wanting to watch the scene.

“You want to kiss me? Ugh- I would never kiss you, Eight. Just stop being so weird around me.” He bellowed without any hesitations.

Without another word, Five turned his back on you, returning back to the comfort of his room, leaving you there to sulk in your feelings as you watch his retreating figure grow blurry. All you heard at the moment was the sound of your heart breaking into two sharp pieces, piercing you just right the first drop of tears escaped your eye. Not that you were sad to find out what you bare for him is unrequited but the thought of him even hating you more than he already does. Not that you really do have feelings about him. Or do you?.

The situation made you feel even worse as it finally came to you that Four just outed you like that to him. You felt betrayed and small in the middle of the room. All eyes on you.

“Eight- I'm sorry-” Four, who now slowly made his way to you tried to rest his hand on your shoulder which he failed to as you swiftly left the room with a gush of the wind and in a blink of an eye the second he muttered his apology.

The room was then once again met with silence. The Hargreeves siblings gave each other looks from the events that had just ruined the start of their day. Not hiding their disappointment in their brother.

“Way to ruin the bonding Four.” One was the first one to break the silence, soon following suit as he too left the room, then Three and Seven tailed behind him, not sparing a glance at Four.

“I’ll just raid the kitchen with Two.” Six said, not wanting to be the last one remaining, leaving Four alone in the living room. The board game abandoned, untouched.

Five hated being wrong at times, he liked to thought of himself as smarter and more mature than most of his siblings even his ego convinced him that he would make more of a good leader than Number One but he wasn’t as selfish as to steal that title from him, everytime One would ultimately fail one of his plans, It would feed Five’s ego, which he would then jump up to save the day with a new plan. Of course the rest of you would thank him and his brilliant back up plan. Except One though, even after Five saved him from Reginald’s scolding, just like his super strength, One had the thickest skin to get through out of the rest of you. Not that he hated Five, but it did bruise his pride that someone would steal his spotlight. When Number Four once joked about how Five should be Number One, it had stuck with him and would sometimes bother him at his worst times that Five in fact, was better than him at all things.

Well it didn’t help that one of his favorite siblings, you, thought that too. 

Five have always taken notice of you desperately clinging on to that hope that he’d finally give you the attention that you’ve always wanted. The nice gestures you’d throw his way whenever you passed by him in the hallway, giving him a gift every Christmas even though he never returned your favor, there were no hard feelings you harbored towards him and it felt nice to Five that someone was able to put up with his behavior. He remembered the time he once said mean things to Number Three and since then she acted hard towards him or the time Six accidentally spilled his milk on his newly tailored suit and he scolded him, now the poor boy can’t look at him straight in the eye for more than a second. He’d say the only siblings he can bear the presence of is Two, Four and Seven. There was just something about you that raises his blood to the point he’d leave the room whenever you step foot in it, his chest tightened with his eyes darkened as he watches your figure walking straight towards him mainly to rain havoc to his sunshine-y days. 

He would roll his eyes at you as your eyes light up as soon as you see him. With a sigh and a voice in his head saying ‘here we go again’ for the hundredth time.

As the rest of his siblings would say, you were the center of the solar system, where your ultimate demise would darken every corner of the house, every room you would step foot in would be graced by your luminous joy. It was not surprising that no one has ever seen you cry nor had they heard your sobs in closed doors. They just simply assumed that your kindness and your loving nature had made you immune to dejection.

Not until the first time Five had seen you on the verge of shedding your first tear in front of him.

Five realized that he seemed too harsh on you the second he slammed the door to his bedroom shut. Sure it seemed wrong that you liked him in more ways and it somehow made sense that you are too nice to him despite his worst behaviors towards you. Maybe he overreacted back down in the living room, he debated with himself that once he cools down, he’ll apologize to you even if it seemed out of character for him. He hadn’t remembered himself being nice towards you and then a sudden feeling of guilt started to grow inside him that day.

With a heavy flop on the bed, Five, for the first time regretted his ruthless attitude towards you, and even though he finally fell back asleep, it was with a weighty feeling in his chest that had made it not worth it. He was sure the next meal was going to be filled with tension.

Then the day Five prayed that one day you would magically damage your vocal cords was also the day he realized he’d rather listen to your voice than to stay in the void of loneliness for eternity.

Reginald Hargreeves arrived back home just in time for dinner. But not before discussing with One what activity all of you were engaged in while he was away to which One smoothly told him a lie all of you had already planned on tricking him.

His lack of care for his children had him mindless to the sudden change of his surroundings, but he was appreciative of the silence in the room, usually he had to scold whoever one of you for even sighing in front of the food. 

Five was the last one to sit at the table, his tardiness had Reginald shook his head at him. He hurriedly made his way on an empty seat, but to his surprise, the seat on his right which you have claimed to be yours was occupied by Seven and then across him was you in Seven's usual seat besides Six, your head down as you focused on slicing your steak. He must've starred a bit too long since Seven went in to lean closer to him,

"She wanted to switch places." She whispered, giving him a pitying smile, and she soon resumed her meal. 

Five secretly wanted you to greet him the moment he entered the room, risking a scolding from Dad for interrupting the radio playing in the background. He thought that by now you would forget what had happened earlier just like you always did whenever he'd curse at you. But this time was different, he knew he went too far when he humiliated you in front of your siblings. He couldn't blame you for ignoring his presence, he knew he deserved it and even if you wouldn't treat him the same as before, Five would just accept it as it is.

"Children, before you return to your respective room, I ask of you to have your suits ready and rest early for tomorrow we have a mission to comply. I pray that your training earlier while I was away would be of help in our success. May all of you do well. Now you can all go." 

Chair dragging on the floor resonated the room, you being the first one to leave your seat in a hurry of wanting to be in the comfort of your room, the whole meal you could feel eyes on you making it harder to stay at the table any longer.

Especially Five’s staring at you and it didn't help that he was just right across you, if it weren't for Seven's not so discreet voice leaning in to notify him about how you switched seats with her you wouldn't have known. You knew it bothered Five that you acted cold towards him for the very first time and it filled you with a great sense of joy how much he didn't know how you hold so much power in augmenting his pride. After what he pulled earlier, you've come to a conclusion that maybe ignoring him would soften his shell that prevents him from being human towards you or maybe not but either way you've got nothing to lose, you still have the rest of your siblings who cherishes you. 

Four has been trying to get your attention as much as knocking on your door while saying his apologies on the other side, you did listen but some alone time was all you needed at the moment. You couldn't stay mad any longer to him so you briefly replied with 'we'll talk tomorrow' in which Four completely understood. 

Five badly wanted to stop you from avoiding him, your fast pace and your head bowed as you counted each step you took, he wanted to reach out to your inviting wrists and beg for forgiveness even in front of his siblings, Reginald and Pogo.

But he never did as he watches you slowly leave his line of vision. All that he's greeted with was the sound of your door slammed shut.

A suffocating feeling had your mind enter into a blissful trance, a flashback of what life had to offer you even in the not so pleasant times. As you recall each and every detail of memory from how the clouds were formed that day to the shape of the moon that night. Every choice you've ignored and chosen, your emotions that you let loose and take over, trinkets you found and kept on the small box you've hidden on the bottom of your drawer, all the smallest things had brought you here right at this moment. Maybe for a second you wished to have gone back in time and change all that but your untimely death would have contributed to a good change someday in the future of your siblings. That they'll finally learn how to find that glimpse of happiness all on their own, independently. 

You'd miss their voices in bright daylight that greets you every morning, it did annoy you at times but it's a reminder that you are blessed with a scarred yet lovable family that gave you a will to go on with life. There were times that made it hard to live in the household, a very well known fact amongst you that all you were but weapons created by Reginal Hargreeves himself but there was no hatred you bare towards him, after all he did give you shelter, food and clothes. You wondered what would've happened if your real mother chose you instead of whatever huge amount of money your father offered her. That she decides she wants you and would try to be a mother even if your existence was unplanned.  Would life be simpler? Would it feel like something's missing? Would you feel less happy? Would you feel content in life? Will it change who you are? Will your biologically related family love you just the same as your current one or perhaps even more? Would it take more than years to find your true potential? Would you still have met Five? You're curious if even if it did happen, maybe you wouldn't have to lie down in your own puddle of blood, choking in a thick red liquid as every gasps of air sends a sharp pain on your open wound, you hadn't noticed your lack of blinking as you focused on the white pristine ceiling, the diminished sounds of gunfire as it's replaced by the sobbing and sniffles of your siblings. Your hand clutched on your soaked blazer right where a knife had plunged itself onto your skin, everything felt like it's happening outside your mind, then you were spectating far away, unable to do anything but cry at your helpless body, watching life slowly drain out of you.

You hadn't noticed how Number Three had rested your head on her lap, Four and Six on either side of her as they shook with what could be the most traumatizing events they could ever witness, how they wouldn't be able to think about you again without remembering your bloody form. One and Two had now approached the group, eliminating the last of the enemies in the building, but they weren't prepared for what they were about to see.

"Hey, we got the last of the-" One halted, his eyes finding your lying figure. Two's knife clanking with the marble tiles as he too is overcomed with what the mission had cost them. 

"I-I don't- I don't know what to do.." Three sobbed. The Umbrella Academy fell into a brief silence as if time itself stopped to grieve with them. Painfully so, what filled the gap was the sound of your gurgling. Six encased your palms in his comforting warmth, he wasn't so sure if it were to make yourself better or him. 

"Eight.." The blonde boy kneeled in front of you.

"We could still save her," He said, taking your body as he rests your head against his shoulder. More blood flowing out of your mouth from the sudden change of position, staining his uniform.

It was a sad sight to see, a group of children barely teenagers having to watch such a disturbing scene. A mark that would truly stain their life forever, the very day they will always remember. 

"Where's Five? He could just- just bring her back home immediately." Everyone could see their leader's bloodshot eyes, tears threatening to spill but he had forced himself not to. 

"C-c-c-could he do that?" Two quivered, placing himself besides Number One.

Just as if on queue, Five blipped himself in the same room, his face scrunched immediately in confusion as he's faced with One's back on him and the others surrounding him with tears on their faces. He began to make his way towards them, eager to find what the commotion was about.

"What's going on?" With a few more steps, Five stood frozen in shock when he saw you bleeding out in One's arms. The others now look at him with sympathy. 

"Eight!" The boy kneeled in front of you with a worried look.

Five’s familiar voice had you pull your last remaining strength to move your eyes right at him. The small movement had the others sighed in relief that there could still be hope to save you. Even in your current state, your heart still hasn't failed to skip a beat whenever you're given a small acknowledgement from Five. It was probably the third time he had called you by your name. You are met with the very set of green eyes that have always brought you comfort, except that it was without disdain present in it but tears forming on the corner of his eyes, blurring his vision. 

"Five you have to save her!" said Three desperately. 

"How?" Five blinked, tears now falling on his cheeks. 

"Just do your spatial jumps and bring her with you back home!" She pleaded, "Please, Five."

"I don't know if I could do that." He replied in defeat, it felt as if he was being punished at the moment.

"Just try!" One interrupted with gritted teeth.

Gripping the sleeves of your brother's arms around you, you managed to catch everyone's attention. All that was left of you was the patiently heavy feeling radiating off of you, awaiting the cold hands of death as it lulls you in it's embrace, eyes taunting you that there's really nothing your siblings could do but watch as you take your last breath, as life flows out of you for the first and the last time. They knew it too, a wishful thinking they've chosen to indulge themselves in hopes of making the situation less hurtful. Just like you, the rest of them wanted to jump back in time and change every choice they made that day to prevent your death. It was inevitable. A sad truth is that the ecstasy of life has to come to an end. Though it will still come back but in a new form.

You're not sure if they could see you shaking your head side to side or if they knew what you meant right at the moment, but there really was no other way to communicate without using your strength nor the blood stranded in your throat —wanting to be let out.

"No? What do you mean?" Five rests his palms on your red stained cheek, full on sobbing. All he got as a response was a saddened raise of your brows, mirroring his emotions. 

"Please can I hold her." He turned to One. 

His brother gave him a curt nod, moving so that Five could scoot in and replace his hold on you. He carefully held your head and placed it on his lap, your eyes never leaving his.

"Hey Eight, you're gonna be okay."

"You're gonna be okay…"

Five swore for a second he could see your mouth slightly move, it was as if you were trying to utter but a word through your strangled breathing, even more so his name coming out of you. Though the only thing he got was the first release of sadness cascading down your face. Too focused memorizing every detail in your eyes —the longest he had looked at you and possibly the last time, he hadn't noticed your raised hands reaching towards his own cheek. He flinched from the sudden contact and then he held it in his own, laying your palms flat on his cheeks. Five ignored how cold your hands felt at the moment and your pale lips. The sharpest and thousands of needles punctured his heart, his breathing matched yours, suffocating him with every slow blink you made, it scared him that when you do, you'll never open your eyes again.

No words were spoken between you, yet both of you understandably knew the other was hurting, what the other was thinking right at the moment. You knew Five was filled with regret and no matter how you wanted to tell him that you forgave him for everything, you settled for the touch. Maybe he'll know all you wanted right at the instance was to stare in his eyes and memorize every speck of color littered in his Iris. Green and hints of blue suited him. It reminded you of the earth itself, how everytime you stare at it, it reminds you of home. 

The rush of winds dancing and twirling enthralled your senses, the soft brush of it as it twists and turns your hair, ocean waves crashing and making brushing noises as it kisses the sand all over and over again. Sea salt enamores you and drives you to close your eyes in its comforting presence, the sunlight you've always grown to love embraces you in its warmth, the temperature was perfectly balanced, neither cold nor hot. For the first time in your life, you're walking barefoot on the soft grains of sand and then you find out it's the best euphoric feeling to sit on, feeling and mushing it on your hands. All you could focus on was the sound of nature, reminding you of Five’s voice. A voice that makes waking everyday worth, a voice that puts you in trance, and even in the afterlife, it will still feel just the same, only it will be just in your memory, that is if you still remember anything. 

With a final sigh, your body lay limp against Five, only your eyes weren't shut close and to think he was afraid of it closing, Five changed his mind and grew confused by your sudden halt of blinking, then your hands felt heavy in his. 

"Eight?" White noises entered his ear, shaking you awake, everybody knew it was useless. The group of children now emit heart-shattering cries.

"She's gone Five.." Six announced through his choking sobs. 

It took him minutes to drive his eyes away from you, and when he did, the sound of sirens resonated as if in a queue. The Gods were playing a game on him.

The Umbrella Academy knew that they will never be the same again, even though a year has passed, not a day goes by that they don't get eaten away by guilt. Everyday was a waking curse, the door to your room remains closed as all of them makes their way out of theirs in sync and it was with a gut wrenching sensation as they make their way down the stairs without the familiar sound of the heels of your shoes, the way you trip on the second to the last of the stairs while you greet each of them a 'Good morning', though it only was a good morning indeed with your cheerful voice that makes them question if you aren't capable of having even just one bad day. They had convinced themselves that you somehow were an angel in disguise, bringing light on their gloomy lives. 

From the first week without you, a large portrait of you was placed just above the fireplace. The rest had thought it symbolizes that even without your presence, your warmth would still make the room less cold when necessary. It was a known fact that you were mindful of your surroundings, where you could be a little clean freak at times and would fix your siblings' messes, what they missed the most was how you treated every single matter as somewhat alive. Not one have you thrown away old toys nor have you broken one, only you gave it away to children who needed it more. The people had noticed your very same figure in and out in the same orphanage not more than ten blocks away from the Academy, it warmed many but it wasn't the reason for your generosity. You've always believed that others should experience every happiness that you've gone through. 

If there was one thing your siblings couldn't not notice was the vase sitting just on the side of the staircase, where you'd pick the dead ones, bury them in the backyard and replace them with freshly picked ones, claiming the bright colors insinuates the darkish tone of the house.

Now that you're gone, no one dared try to touch the welting flowers. Afraid to taint what you have last touched.

Seven had returned to her original seat beside Six, leaving an empty reminder beside Five, dreadfully mocking him every time they had their meal, his appetite would always go away. In turn he would play with his food and even if Seven had told him that he needed it for energy and how you wouldn't have liked how he's starving himself, Five would snap at her with a 'she's not here now, is she? she's dead.' 

Five’s deep hatred for Reginald started the day of your funeral, there was a blank look on his permanent stoic face, as if to say he'd rather sulk in his office than attend his own daughter's funeral. He had hopes that maybe there was still something humane inside Reginald the moment it was his turn to give one final speech for you. Only that what came out of his was insults and scolding about how the Umbrella Academy had failed for the first time in their life. Pogo had both mourned and radiated sympathy from the rest of him and his siblings slouched form, their father being insensitive. 

There came a time when Five didn't have to brood for the empty seat besides him. The first morning where it really felt like you're just a figment of imagination in his head, that all you were now was a piece of memory made to be forgotten and what's left of you was the empty locked bedroom and your painting. Five grew disoriented with the new table set, then there was Number Seven who now had her seat facing their father, both the sides of the table perfectly balanced with three chairs on either. No more empty seats. He didn't know why but it felt less reassuring. 

Five hated the change around the house, taking away what used to be yours. Treating you like you weren't a member of the family. Like you never even existed at all.

It all came to him in a flash, the second his father sent him back to his room to rest after giving him a lesson about time traveling. Five contemplated on what this could mean, what this potential could do and how he could turn back right in time to prevent your death. It was risky but all he thought about was the smiles and tears of joy from the rest of his family as he miraculously revived you. The free time he had would consist of him working on a solution, it took over his notebooks, whiteboard and even one side of his wall as much he tried asking for spare parchment from Grace, Pogo and his siblings. 

When he was confident enough, the thirteen year old boy had not hesitated to break the one rule of conversation during meal times, interrupting Herr Carlson in the background. 

What he didn't know was it could change his life forever.

"I have a question." 

[ 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ]

i am shrunken down and brought to the gnome world and when i attempt to assimilate to their culture I use an acorn cap as a hat and they all laugh cheerfully at my silly mistake of wearing what they use as a bowl like a cap and though this is a transgression that would have humiliated me in my human life I am instead laughing alongside them at my humorous misunderstanding

the main 6 (minus lucio) cheating on you (nsfw)

this, again, is for my own pleasure… although that’s a tad bit odd. oh well! enjoy! oh, just a quick disclaimer: cheating on your partner is never okay and if you’re here for justification you can turn around and leave. your partner likely won’t be able to find it in them to forgive you like i’ve made mc do. tw: mentions of substance dependence, alcoholism, toxic relationships, infidelity, intense self-abhorrence, depression, relapse

asra

• let’s just get one thing straight— asra and nadia are probably tied first place in the “thinks cheating is absolutely disgusting” race. both of them place so much importance in mutual trust and love in your relationship that violating that trust would be absolutely repulsive to them.

• however. the one scenario i can see asra cheating on you is if he has business in one of the realms of the arcana or an equally essential trip, and this happens to fall on an important date, such as a major anniversary.

• “but asra, you’re never home lately, i almost never get to see you… even when i stay up, waiting for you. can’t you please stay?” you ask him gently, but you can see in his face that he has to go.

• swallowing your disappointment and hurt, you pack his bags for him and send him off with a soft kiss and a sad look as they walk away from you.

• as he’s leaving, the self-loathing sets in. he’s never there for you, screams the voice in his head. there’s a smaller one, that’s almost drowned out but not quite. he knows that he’s enough for you. he knows that you love him… but that just serves to make him hate himself more. someone as soft and beautiful as you deserves a lover who’s there for them. he never is.

• it probably happens when he’s a little (very much) high. he’s given it up, but he can’t help himself, tonight. if you’re close enough, the smell literally clings to him, overtaking his normally comforting scent of ambrosia from the shop and cotton and faint rose perfume. he’s sitting on the sidewalk, so absolutely out of his mind that he can’t even form cohesive thought. everything just blurs to a haze in his mind, colours and sensations swirling and dancing in his mind like a technicolour nightmare. everything’s so bright, he can’t think. can’t even remember what he came here to do. can’t remember what he’s left behind… all that remains is a familiar scent that almost pulls him back to himself… but the intoxicant wins.

• it’s probably an old friend. “hey, as!” comes the friendly call from the bar opposite the walkway asra’s sitting on. the friend runs up to him, pulling him into a hug as they draw back, their eyebrow quirking as they inhale. “naughty, naughty.” they lay a hand on his upper arm, and asra can’t take the noise inside his head anymore. lets himself be pulled down the road and then up a flight of stairs, the door slamming behind him as he’s pushed against it. as he consents, he feels the all pervading sense of wrong that only comes in stronger waves with every action.

• wrong, as lips crash against his messily, the dim light catching his friend’s lips. they’re red and swollen, glistering wetly. wrong, as he rips their shirt off, running hands over toned biceps and through already-dishevelled hair, tugging almost as if he wants it to sting, wants the other man to hurt as he is hurting. wrong, as they tumble onto the floor, not even bothering to stumble through the apartment to the bed, cold floorboards jarring him back to a different setting, a warmer embrace… but insistent lips leave marks down the arched column of his throat and he gives in.

• the morning after, he’s gone even before the sun rises, gathering his things and using the last of his magic to teleport right back into the shop, dishevelled, barely-dressed state and all. you feel the familiar aura pulse behind you and turn with a grin on your face to greet asra before you take in his appearance with a soft gasp.

• “my love, are you alright? here, let me help you—” but he’s sunken to his knees on the floor of the shop, tears running down his face, and you flick the shop’s door closed with a quick movement of your wrist. you sink to your knees in front of him as well, cupping his face in your hands as you search his eyes. “sweetheart, what happened?” comes your sweet, gentle voice, turning his head this way and that— until you take in the red marks on his neck, already tinged with purple, the dishevelled state of his hair, the way his shirt hangs off a shoulder. he smells of… is that… ? and where are his scarves? and you immediately let your hands fall, your eyes already starting to brim with tears. “asra… tell me this isn’t what i think it is. tell me i’m wrong,” comes your broken voice. he just lifts his eyes to yours, and you have the answer you need, scrambling backwards and away from him to the back of the shop. you’re sobbing profusely at this point, not even bothering to hide the fact that you’re absolutely shattered.

• you gather your things as quickly as possible, probably leaving many things behind; you just need to get out of there, you just need to leave. if you can’t find something, you don’t bother. faust hisses softly at you, curiously twining around your arm, but you brush her off gently. “faust, i need to leave. you’re asra’s familiar, you should stay here—” but it’s almost as if she can sense what asra’s done, why you’re leaving, and she’s staying with you. she’ll bring little things you forgot as you throw enough clothes for a week into your bag, sling it over your shoulder, let faust climb onto you properly, and leave. you take the back door. asra doesn’t try to stop you leaving.

• you probably turn up at nadia’s door. you just need a shoulder to cry on right now. “oh, mc, how lovely to see you— dear, what’s wrong?” her tone immediately changes as she takes in the state you’re in, barely held together as you just stumble forward into her arms, shaking profusely as you sob. she’ll dismiss any servants in the room with a flick of her wrist and sink to the floor with you, wrapping her arms around you and just letting you get it all out as she strokes your hair. you definitely wet her exceedingly expensive gown, but she doesn’t pull away. you’ve never been this broken before. not even when she’s seen you at your worst, and she’s definitely worried.

• will eventually pull away gently. “dearest, what’s wrong?” her voice is so soft you almost dissolve into tears again, but you sniffle, recounting the morning in the shop. at first, she’ll stay quiet. she loves both of you so much, and she simply can’t see asra being adulterous… but the state you’re in would say otherwise. it would have taken a lot for you to be this vulnerable around her, no matter how close the two of you are. she’ll let the servants take you away for a little while for a bath and something to calm you, probably some chamomile tea.

• in the meanwhile, she’ll summon asra to a separate wing of the palace. she takes in his even more, if possible, disheveled appearance with a cool expression. “you had better explain, now.” her voice is cold. “because if what mc is telling me is the truth, and i trust them with my life, then you’re not the asra i know.” her expression will grow even colder, if possible, as asra explains, his voice hoarse, what happened that night.

• “nadi, do you think i could… see them?” he swallows, his eyes fixed on the ground— which is very unlike him. “i think it best you leave mc alone for the foreseeable future,” comes her frostily calm reply. she lets the silence stretch for a few minutes, making him squirm, before she tells him, “do you know, that they came to me, dropped their bag, and crumpled into my arms. they sobbed for hours, asra. the strongest person i know, and they came to my door absolutely broken.” she pauses, taking in the way his expression crumples as she speaks. “no, i think it wise you leave.” he does so quietly.

• “mc, are you alright?” comes nadia’s soft voice from outside the bathroom door. “mc?” her voice is more concerned now, more strained. “mc if you don’t answer me i’m coming in.” her voice is laced through with panic, now, and she picks the lock quickly and is through the door… only to find you fast asleep on the bathroom floor with your head resting against the shower door. you’re wearing a pair of soft cotton pyjamas with little prints of your favourite animal on them, and she can’t help the exhale of relief she gives, rubbing her temples.

• she understands. the first time lucio cheated, she was beside herself… but she slowly grew to ignore the stream of servants, cooks, diplomats, and foreign dignitaries that constantly went through his bed chambers. you, however, she’s more worried about. your eyes are red and puffy, deep, bruised and sunken crescents beneath your eyes as she sighs. “oh, mc. you didn’t deserve that.”

• will take care of you, let you talk to her and cry on her shoulder, never once becoming annoyed or fed-up with your constant crying. you eat (admittedly very overpriced, needlessly fancy) ice cream (no but seriously, what kind of flavour is ‘biscotti-amaretto’?? oh but it’s delicious) together, and she’d let you give her a playful tarot reading. “ah, this card means you’re the most thoughtful, amazing and kind friend and i’m eternally grateful for you for putting up with my moods these past few days!” she’d blush all the way across her face, from cheek to cheek. “nonsense, mc. you helped me when nobody else would, i’m simply returning the favour!” still smiles warmly at you though, and you know she appreciated that.

• if you decide to hear what asra has to say, she’ll be wary and let you practice with her what you’re going to say, but if you don’t she won’t push you. the palace of vesuvia is open to you for as long as you need. the court has been needing a new magician, anyway.

• if you do decide to hear him out, he’ll turn with his usual smile on his face, ready to greet a customer, before his entire expression folds in on itself and all that’s left is inexplicable sadness. “mc… you came back,” comes his soft, broken voice.

• you find it in yourself to forgive him, after all, your love for them is stronger than what he did. however, it still takes you a long time to trust him, and when you finally come back to sleep with him in your bed, he’s so happy to receive you he almost rolls off his side trying to make more space for you. (it’s a queen sized bed you idiot)

• will never trust himself again. whereas asra, like portia but less so, is quite a bit of a flirt, now he won’t. will immediately shut down anyone he thinks is trying to flirt with them. hates himself for ever taking advantage in your trust in him, and while you may come to forgive him, there’ll always be a little part of them that can’t forgive himself.

nadia

• first of all, i want to emphasise that nadia grew up as the youngest in a massive family, and so is very familiar with the concept of trust and how it’s broken, and for this and a few other reasons i believe she would never cheat. she’s too deeply in love with mc to ever do something like that! however. for the sake of the angst…

• it probably happened because nadia, being the youngest, probably was only ever heard around the table as the was growing up if she made a scene. meaning, spite, petulance, fits, very low, out-of-pocket blows, or tantrums were the only ways she was ever taken notice of, and what she rebelled with whenever she was angry or sad. she’s long since abandoned these practices, obviously, so the only way i think she’d revert back to this is if she were highly intoxicated. nadia’s probably the most unlikely character to cheat along with asra— i mean, none of the main 6 would cheat on you, these are very, very unlikely scenarios, i must once again emphasise— but one too many bottles of vesuvia’s finest aged wine, and she’s absolutely gone.

• this woman can drink. living with count lucio can’t have been easy— and knowing that nadia relies so heavily on and places so much trust in mc, it stands to reason that she would do so for any partner. so, when lucio constantly betrayed her trust, constantly showed her that the heart that she was so willing to give to him was worth nothing to him, she probably lost herself for a while in the sweet, familiar haze that comes with intoxication. it’s canon that lucio cut her off from everyone she loved, isolated her, made her feel alone when really she draws her strength from the relationships around her, and so despair and loneliness was probably what drove her to the bottle.

• she’s since given it up, and unbeknownst to everyone aside from portia, you, a few of her closest friends, and her family, she hasn’t touched a drop of wine since lucio’s death. (the first one.) all the liquor she drinks is non-alcoholic, and you usually don’t drink around her. she’s definitely strong enough to be alright with it nonetheless, but still. you know that it’s not just the dependence itself, it’s what it represents. when she turned to liquor, she had nobody. nobody to take care of her, nobody to love her and tell her that she’s enough. now, she does.

• however. it’s been years since the two of you, through nadia’s upright ending, banished the devil and relinquished his hold on the realm, and the calm of the palace, her partner, and the realm at large means that she’s feeling stronger and more confident in herself, even more so than usual (and with you by her side, that’s saying something). when the ringing, head-splitting voice in her head returns, though, leading her towards the looking glass, she doesn’t feel any of that hard-earned strength and confidence. “… lucio?” comes her voice, and it’s absolutely terrified. wavering with fear, not simply about the goat, but about what this means. if he’s still alive, then… no. she won’t think about it, not until her hypothesis has been validated.

• “show yourself.” comes her cold voice, and when the visage of her ex-husband ripples into view on the surface of the mirror, she takes a step back, her eyes widening. she sees the satisfied smirk spreading across his face, and sets her face with resolve, reaching down to remove her shoe. she hefts it with a set look. “don’t try to contact me again.” “no, nadi, wait!—” but she’s already smashed the mirror, sinking to the floor with her head in her hands.

• “nadia??” you burst through the door, sprinting towards her and helping her gently to the bed, where she sinks into you. “oh, mc… he’s back,” comes her shaking voice, and you pause rubbing her back, freezing. “who’s back, nadi?” she buries her head in your shoulder, and you know. “oh nadia, i’m so sorry, i never should have suggested that we leave him alive. it was my fault, i’m so sorry—” but she cuts you off with a forward facing palm. “don’t, mc. never apologise for having mercy,” she says, her voice soft as she takes you in, tracing your cheek with her thumb softly.

• you stand. “no, i’m fixing this. i’ll be back soon, nadi— i just need to speak with asra!” comes your voice as you press a kiss to her forehead, sprinting from the room. nadia doesn’t allow herself to break in front of you, lest you think this is anything less than her fault for marrying the stupid goat in the first place, dropping her head into her hands and releasing a low groan as she stands, heading to quite a different place to you. it’s not simply the fact that he’s back, though this is traumatising enough in and of itself. no, it is the fact that she had finally found love, finally found a life she wanted to lead. and now he’s back. of course, why should she be allowed any happiness?

• the ungodly hours of the morning find her absolutely inebriated, barely aware of her surroundings. she’s wearing a cloak, of course, pulled across her outfit and her signature hair, and sitting in a darkened corner of the room, drowning in her profuse anger, confusion, and an ear-splitting headache. so in the near-empty bar as her cloak finally slips off, as someone with your height and build approaches her, her slurred voice comes. “m… mc?”

• the person doesn’t say anything, instead coming to sit beside her. “oh, countess… we should get you back to the palace.” comes a soft voice, but through her haze she doesn’t realise it’s not you. “mc, you came… you came back,” is all she manages to say, bridging the gap between them quickly and meeting the other person’s lips. “mmrph!” comes their surprised squeak, and they later admit to themself with a flash of shame that they waited quite a while before pushing the countess away, recalling the feeling of her soft lips sliding across theirs, her hand on their jaw, pressing harder. nadia doesn’t know what she’s doing, she’s almost inebriated to the point of unconsciousness, and the stranger knows they can’t take her back to the palace like this. so, they let her sleep, draping her cloak back over her until the indigo of the night sky starts to gradually lighten.

• once they’ve left the bar, nadia with a splitting headache and the stranger with a splitting debt of guilt, over a cup of strong coffee and some pain meds, the stranger confesses what happened in the bar earlier that morning. nadia’s eyes widen with horror, covering her mouth with shaking fingers as she immediately steps back from them. “hey, wait!—” her voice is final, still tinged with a faint sense of debelief. “no. you are not to contact me on personal matters ever again, please.” she pulls away, and before the stranger can even blink she’s sunk back into the shadows, already almost back to the palace.

• when she’s back in your chambers, she notes with a faint sense of relief, that you’re not in bed. as she flicks the lights on, however, her expression crumples as she realises the reason you aren’t in bed. you’re asleep on her armchair, still curled up in your day clothes, having stayed up to wait for her. “nadi…” comes your sleepy voice as you stir, running a hand through your hair as you sit up, taking in her unusually disheveled appearance and absolutely broken expression with confused eyes. “uh… nadi? are you okay?” you stumble from the couch, but she slips past you quick enough that you barely have the time to take her in as she heads straight to your bathchambers, closing the door behind her as she never does, ordinarily. you respect her privacy though, and instead sink to the floor outside of the door.

• “nadia?” but there’s no response. “are you alright?” comes your strained voice, but all you’re met with is the faint sound of the bath tap running. “please, i’ll leave you alone but can you just tell me you’re alright?” comes your soft voice through the door. little do you know, she’s let herself slide down the door as well, and is now sitting with her back to it as she hides her face in her hands, sniffling quietly. “nadia, are you crying? please, my love, only tell me what’s wrong,” comes your pleading voice.

• “is it that stupid goat? i’ll skin him if he comes near you again, nadi, i swear. what did he do to you?” your fiery voice breaks through her carefully crafted, calm exterior, and she presses her fingers against her mouth so hard her fingertips turn white.

• “i… i shall talk to you when i am finished in here, mc,” comes her faint, shaking voice as you press your palm against the door, closing your eyes. “okay,” is all you say before you go to change into your bedclothes.

• when you emerge from the closet, she’s sitting on the bed in her robe, so still you almost look right past her in the dim light of the morning. your face clears as you see she’s alright, but your expression drops again as you near her and see the way her eyes are red and bloodshot, from exhaustion or sobbing you’re not sure, and she looks… guilty? forlorn? for once, you can’t place the expression on your lover’s face, because you have never seen it before.

• as you move closer, she moves away from you, and you sink into the bed, meeting her eyes and waiting for her to speak. she moves her hand forward, and then pulls it away again just as quickly as you take her hands, looking into her eyes deeply. “nadia, i beg of you, speak to me.” your voice is pleading, and when she finally speaks, her voice is hoarse and raw, as you have never heard it before.

• when she tells you, in soft, broken tones what happened, at first, for a split second, you think she’s joking. your nadia… did this? surely not. surely not your beloved, the one who strokes your hair and reads to you softly beneath the covers? the one who loves you with all of her, who is always there for you? as all of the emotions dance across your face in the space of a moment, you pull away from her. “you…” you try to make your mouth form the words, but all that comes is “i need to leave.”

• she doesn’t try to stop you as you leave your chambers, taking absolutely nothing with you save for your slippers, your gown, and the nightclothes on your back. you’re crying as you leave, the tears that were threatening to spill as she was speaking now overflowing traitorously.

• if you choose to go to asra: their shop isn’t far from the palace, and when he pulls open the door in a sleeveless shirt and pyjama bottoms with little snakes on them, rubbing sleep from his eyes, you can’t help yourself as you sink into his arms. your tears have dried, at this point, but you’re still shaking. all the sleep is gone from his expression when he’s taken in your appearance, and although he doesn’t know why you’re here, he wraps an arm around you and closes the door to the shop. when you explain to him what happens, he trusts you but is almost in denial. he can’t believe nadia would have ever done this to you. but, as he takes in your state and ties it together with your lack of bags and the fact that you turned up at 4:00am in the morning, he believes you completely.

• if you choose to go to portia: her cottage is also only a short distance away. when she opens the door, her hair all over the place, in an oversized sleep-shirt, sleep still in her eyes, you feel as if your legs are going to give out, sinking into her with a dry sob. you’ve stopped crying by now, but you’re still shaking and the sleep is gone from her face in an instant as she pulls you inside. “mc, it’s 4:00am in the morning and it’s freezing outside, why are you… wait, did you walk here all the way from the palace?” her wide eyes take you in as she hurries for a blanket, draping it over your shoulders as she goes to make some hot chocolate for the both of you. as the stove heats up, she comes to take your hands in hers, rubbing them to warm you up, and you can’t help it— you start crying again. “whoa, mc, what’s wrong?” she comes to crouch beside you, rubbing your back in slow circles as you cry into her shoulder. when you tell her, although she trusts you thoroughly and thinks really highly of you, she’ll be unwilling to believe what happened. it’s only until she puts together the facts that you’re a) at her cottage at 4:00am in the freezing cold in just your nightclothes, and b) completely broken, that she realises it’s true. she didn’t think you were lying, maybe just that you perhaps misheard, or didn’t see properly. she prompts you softly to talk it out with her, rubbing slow circles on your back. if you do, she’ll listen attentively the entire time you’re speaking, your voice completely hollow, and when you’re finished, she’ll tell you softly that she’s sorry, and that you didn’t deserve that. she loves nadia but this is… a lot.

• i can’t really see you going to another character’s place, simply because in nadia’s route they are very minor characters. asra and portia are the closest to you.

• when you decide to come back to the palace aside from your duties, (even when you had gone to do those, you had avoided whichever part of the palace you knew she would be in at the time, and the one time you did see her— her eyes flickered up to take you in, and even as you looked away you saw her expression falter, something it never does in public, before she’s pulled up a calm smile again, silently begging you with her eyes to just look at her. you turn away, and you don’t see the way her expression falls again.) she meets you with sorrow in her eyes as you approach her, assuming you only want to speak about work, burying her pain beneath years of tutoring in diplomacy before, when you tell her you want to come back, and her expression lights up, the only real smile you’ve seen on her face since you left, opening her arms tentatively as you sink into them, your sobs muffled against her gown as her hands wrap around you, so tight that you have to come up for air, your eyes red and your cheeks flushed.

• “nadia, i still… need some time— but i’m so tired,” comes your soft voice, breaking at the end as she lowers the two of you to the floor, stroking your hair gently. “i can’t— i can’t come home to realise it’s not with you. not again,” you whisper, but you’re cut off with a soft gasp as her lips meet yours and you twine your fingers through her hair. she tilts your head to the side, deepening the kiss, and you sink further into her with a soft sigh.

• when you’re finished, your lips swollen and red and hers just as much, you simply sit there in her arms as she strokes your back. “oh, mc.” comes her soft voice, laced with pain now as she speaks. “i can’t tell you how sorry i am. you didn’t deserve that, didn’t deserve my childish fit of drunkenness, didn’t deserve that evening. none of it. and i’m so, deeply sorry.” “i know, nadia. and i forgive you.” comes your quiet voice. she tightens her arms around you, tears dampening your hair as she shakes quietly, and you pull away to wipe a tear away with the pad of your thumb, her skin warm and soft beneath your hand. “please, just… if you ever feel like that again, seek solace in my arms. not in a darkened bar, where i can’t sense you, can’t protect you. i need you to promise me that.” comes your quiet voice, and she buries her head in your shoulder as you stroke her back softly. “i promise. it won’t ever happen again, i swear it.” comes her vehement voice, and you know you’re home again.

• she’ll still look at you as you sleep, taking in how beautiful you are, how lucky she is to have you beside her. and she’ll lie there, hating herself for ever coming close to losing that. losing you. even though you’ve forgiven her, get used to lots of pampering!! she’s not going to have you doubting that she’s anything less than profusely sorry, or, gods forbid, having second thoughts about who the best person to be with is. (it’s her.) you know she loves you, though— and you know it won’t ever happen again.

• if it ever happens again, you banish lucio with a little more satisfaction and relish— and if she notices you, she hides her smile and doesn’t say anything, coming up behind you to wrap her arms around your waist and press little kisses to your neck. she wants you, and you only. she loves you, and you only.

julian

• he probably did it (as he does most things if we’re being honest) in a fit of self-loathing. julian is in the rowdy raven 99.99% of the time, and we all know it’s not because he’s enjoying the scenery. this man probably only drinks wine, like nadia, but if you give him a bottle he can probably down it in two minutes flat.

• so, it would probably be after the two of you had a little spat, and he, being the dramatic pinnacle of self-abhorrence that he undoubtedly is, he probably stays at the rowdy raven and drinks himself into absolute oblivion. it’s not usually this heavy, but he also ran into an old ex-friend earlier from a long time ago when he still kept… questionable company, who put him in a really bad place. his mindset is essentially ‘mc is wasted on me. i’m weighing them down. i’m not enough.’ so, through the haze of technicolour and bright lighting searing itself into his eyelids and his dulled senses, his very impaired logic screams at him to do something to drive you away. don’t give you a choice. make you leave him if you can’t see that you’re obviously better off without him.

• through his impaired sense of judgement and his all-pervading lack of sense, all it takes is a wink from a handsome stranger and a paid-for drink, slid across the bar-table to him, and he finds himself pinned against the alleyway wall by his waist, moaning into the hot, pressing mouth that decidedly does not belong to you.

• by the time it’s finished, he’s come to his senses, and he pushes the other person off him, righting his clothing and stumbling away. “no, this— this isn’t right,” comes his faint murmur as he draws away from them. it’s already too late. it’s done. and now he has to come face to face with the fact that he’s betrayed one of the only people he would do anything for. he’s screwed up. monumentally.

• when he stumbles through the door, you’re fast asleep, and he moves as quietly as he can past your shared room and to the lounge— but his post-drunken stupor hasn’t completely worn off, and he stumbles into the wall, catching himself quickly. but not quickly enough to stop the case tumbling to the floor. he stares at the broken pieces of coloured glass, almost shaking, and this is how you find him. his disheveled, mussed hair— which looks exactly as is usually does when you’ve just run your hands through it— and his loose shirt… and where’s his belt? his lips are swollen and red, and his cheeks are flushed. he looks completely unravelled, and you know immediately what he’s done when his eyes meet yours.

• “julian,” comes your broken whisper. “please. tell me this isn’t what i think it is.” he simply falls to his knees, regardless of the broken glass beneath them. he doesn’t even cry out. just kneels there, glass slicing into his knees— but for once, you won’t clean up his mess. tears bead on your eyelashes and stream down your cheeks as you step away from him, turning on your heel.

• you’re not even thinking as you throw whatever comes across your path into an open bag, slinging it over your shoulder and pulling on whichever shoes are closest. as you leave, you feel the broken cry. “mc, please,” comes his hoarse voice, echoing so loudly through the silent night. “please don’t leave.” but you don’t turn around, pulling the door shut behind you as you run through the night.

• people whip past you as you as you bound down familiar streets. you just want a pair of familiar arms to collapse into— and you realise with a pang that julian has already found another. whomever you choose to stay with, they take you in, no questions asked. they’ll give you the space you need— but they’re always there if you need to talk.

• if you decide to go back, you’re taken aback when you open the door and he’s a mess. five-day-old stubble, mussed, untidy hair… and are those the same, wine-and-food-stained clothes you left him in? you take him in incredulously. “oh, julian…”

• when he’s cleaned up and you’ve tidied up the house a little bit (has he even eaten anything??) and thrown open the windows to rid the rooms of the foul scent of sour wine, you sit quietly and wait for him to talk.

• when he’s finally opened his mouth, his hoarse voice comes. “mc, i’m so sorry.”

• if you decide to forgive him, you still can’t seem to pull him out of his slump of self-loathing. he never does anything like this again. quiet whispers, at 1:04am, when the world is quiet and he thinks you’re sleeping. “i love you so much… i’m sorry. again.”

muriel

• it probably happens because this man is too oblivious to see when someone’s clearly coming onto him. alright, maybe not oblivious. he’s just too used to the mindset that he’s just a big, dangerous, terrifying monster, unworthy of love, that he can’t see that he’s actually quite a catch.

• someone he meets at the marketplace at an apothecary catches his eye and smiles, looking him up and down, and muriel just grunts and turns away. when the stranger finally talks to him, he answers monosyllabically, his message clear: ‘leave me alone.’— and yet they still think he’s interesting enough to stay and talk to— that’s probably what results in him trusting them enough to speak and walk with them. the entire day that he’s at the market, the stranger laughs with him, probably pushing his shoulder a little too familiarly and lingering on his soft, bronzed skin a little too long.

• it happens as he’s just entered through the cabin door, the stranger having offered to give him company on the walk home. “well, i guess this is goodbye, then,” says the stranger with an unreadable smile. muriel fiddles with the cuff of his jersey. “yes.” is all he offers, not meeting the stranger’s eyes. they’re sitting quite close to muriel, at his woodworking desk as he hovers nearby, their faces close enough that he can make out every freckle on their face. he offers a soft smile. although he’s just giddy at the prospect of having made another friend, the stranger misreads the situation and bridges the gap between them, pressing their lips together.

• muriel loses himself in the moment, for once— and his eyes flutter shut. with no small amount of shame, he reflects afterwards, he didn’t pull away. he let the strangers lips slide over his, fitting differently to yours. lets their hand tangle in his hair, their fingers longer and more rough than yours. he’s already ready to pull away— all he can think of is you in his arms, how this is wrong, how he’s betraying your trust— when the door swings open to the cabin, and you flick on the light (it’s already past dusk) with a grin widening your cheeks… that quickly slips off your face.

• you drop whatever you’re holding as muriel scrambles away from the stranger, and you notice dimly the unfamiliar face looking between the two of you with dawning realisation. “oh, you didn’t tell me… i’ll leave,” comes their quiet voice as they slip through the doorframe beside you. you don’t even turn to watch them go, your eyes fixed on muriel. it’s masochistic, almost, but you can’t tear your eyes away from him— can’t stop thinking of all the different ways the stranger has touched him. his hair is tousled, his lips are slightly swollen, his cheeks are flushed… where… how… why? you step back, once, tears beginning to well in your eyes as you turn heel and run. you hear the faint “wait, mc!” but you don’t stop until you’re far away, leaving the echoes of what you saw behind you.

• it’s jade-black now, the indigo hues of dusk bleeding into evening having long since been stained away by the colour-leeching shade that now coats the sky in its tar-like pitch. you can’t even bring yourself to care that the night is slowly sending its cold fingers spidering into your joints as you sit against the bark of an old, twisted, gnarled oak. you can’t move, you can’t breathe. nothing seems real, at the moment. so you just sit, letting the thoughts swirling through the murky fog of your mind overtake you, finally.

• “oh, gods. mc?” you note blearily the muted voice that perforates the daze you’ve nursed for hours now, dimly feeling your body leave the ground. there’s warmth, now, and you finally give yourself in to the violent, paroxysmal shivers that you’ve staved off since the cold began to creep. your teeth chatter and clack together, and you flinch away as your vision is slowly eaten away by the warm, amber-bright light coming towards you. you let the darkness take you.

• when you wake up, you’re warm again, and muriel sits in the corner of the cabin, looking away from you. when you two finally talk it out, he probably cries and you do too. it will take you a little longer to trust him, but you’ll get there.

portia

• probably happens because she flirts so much that someone was bound to reciprocate sooner or later. it was another palace servant whom you know, quite well, and you probably confront her about the fact that the two of them flirt so outrageously throughout the day— so much so, that someone who knows you told you, in a quiet aside, what they thought had been happening, and that others in the palace who also know you have also been uncomfortable around the two of them.

• when you do, it quickly escalates into a shouting match, where she screams at you for even thinking that she would do something like that. don’t you trust her? to which you being up the fact that she has a well-known habit of telling little lies to cover up mistakes, and she storms off as you scream “fine! leave then!” after her retreating back. when the two of you have finished sulking, you apologise to her for not trusting her and she graciously tells you that it’s alright.

• the next day at the palace, it’s deep-clean day— and her friend is laughing alongside her, soap-suds coating both of their arms. when her friend brushes one off her cheek, she doesn’t pull away as the other servant presses her lips to hers. she’s still thrumming with the thrill of shared laughter and running through the halls, but when her friend deepens it she immediately snaps out of it. she covers her mouth, horrified eyes widening as she takes in her guilty-looking counterpart, turning tail and sprinting through the castle, leaving early for the first time ever. when nadia enquires with concern as to what happened, the one person who saw it quietly fills her in. she immediately forbids them to speak of it— gossip travels fast in the palace of vesuvia.

• “oh, hey portia!” comes your soft voice as you tend to the flowerbeds outside the cottage. “i made us dinner…” but you trail off as you take in her appearance. her eyes are red-rimmed from crying, her cheeks are pink, and her lips are red and swollen. her eyes are brimming with tears, and you take a step back, dropping the garden shears in your hand. “portia… you didn’t.” comes your quiet voice, but she does nothing to refute you.

• you turn heel and run. when you finally find it in you to come back to the cottage, pepi greets you with a little “meep!” and you pet her softly, rubbing your hand through her fur. she can sense something’s wrong, and you sense her little voice with your magic— the same way you can talk to faust, you can talk to pepi. “friend sad?” “yes, friend sad, pepi. it’s alright, i’ll be okay,” you tell her, but she’s mewing to be let up and you bundle into your arms. she snuggles her head against your chest, and her soft, crackly purring eases your heart a little. “thank you,” you whisper softly as you set her down.

• when you find it in you to speak to portia again, she’s on her knees apologising, tears streaming down her face as she manages to get out. “mc, i’m so, sorry,” comes her voice, interjected by little gasps as she catches her breath. you probably let her hug you, and she sobs even harder when you hug her back.

• “portia, i forgive you. but… please—” she cuts you off, her head buried in your chest. “i won’t ever do it again mc, i’m sorry.”

• she’ll show you tenfold that she loves you and that she cherishes you to the moon and back. little forehead kisses, hugs from the back, little neck kisses that make you giggle until you can’t breathe. she doesn’t flirt at all now. she jokes around with her friends, obviously, but she’ll be upset if anyone comes onto her or you, and her playful flirting stops completely.

• she loves you, and she’ll leave you little notes everywhere— in your lunch, on your dressing table in the morning, on the breakfast table, even in the bathroom, you note with a fond laugh— telling you so.

a.n: i’ve opted to leave lucio out of this one since he’d be really really long and i just don’t have the time with schoolwork and everything. you guys also know he’s not my favourite and i just wrote these for fun, so i also didn’t include him because of that:) however, if you do send an ask requesting his part, i’ll do my best to write it asap:) hope you enjoyed these!