Human Children Are So Fragile - Tumblr Posts
This is not my original post it belongs to @caffeinatedflumadiddlebutpjo who deleted their account but it’s so good and needs to be preserved
I like that there is just... A noticeable gap in the gods' under standing of mortal children. Like, Zeus really accused a TWELVE-YEAR-OLD of stealing his master bolt and the only justification I have for this is "Well, Hermes stole Apollo's cattle right after birth so that tracks".
But now I have a theory that the gods don't rediv understand how mortal
children work and that's why they're so blase about sending them to do ridiculous nonsense?
Like...
Zeus: What do you mean 'first word'? Why would they only speak one word?
Artemis: Humans can only cry when they are born.
Zeus: Nonsense. When vou were born you didn't cry. You delivered your brother and then came to me to ask for a birthday present.
Artemis: Humans aren't the same though. They can't walk or talk for many months. When they do speak it is only in small, short words.
Zeus: …that's not true
Artemis: I'm afraid it is
Zeus, under his breath: What the fuck
Later on...
Zeus: Did you know human babies can't speak when thev're tirst born?
Poseidon: that's so sad. Are demigods like that?
Zeus: I have no idea.
Poseidon: Mavbe we should ask around more. Athena was saying something about brain development.
Zeus: Their... THEIR BRAINS AREN'T DEVELOPED?!?!
Poseidon: I guess
Zeus: THESE HUMANS ARE WALKING AROUND WITHOUT FULLY FORMED BRAINS?!
Poseidon: I mean, so are you and I don't complain.
The quest continues...
Hermes: So... you're telling me that human kids don't know how to fend themselves at all? They need to be taught? I mean, fighting, of course, but outside of that???
Poseidon: Yeah, I thought it was like fish
where you just naturally know what you’re supposed to do. But apparently they have no idea and need to be shown everything
Hermes: I... that's awful. Why?
Poseidon: I don't know.
Suddenly all the gods are very concerned...
Ares: You mean to tell me that my kids are probably traumatized from war??
Hermes: That's what the research shows. Human kids aren't supposed to handle that kind of stuff and demigods are more human than we anticipated.
Ares: But... War?
Hermes: Idk what to tell you, bud. I'm beginning to understand why they hate us tho.
Everyone is naturally panicking
Demeter: YOU SENT MONSTERS AFTER MY BABIES WHEN THEY HAD NO BRAINS AND COULDN'T EVEN READ?!?
Hecate: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT DEMIGODS WEREN'T BORN KNOWING HOW TO READ!?!?!
Athena: Our children all have dyslexia.
Demeter: YOU LET YOUR DAUGHTERRUN AWAY WHEN SHE WAS SEVEN! SILENCE!
Athena:…And? She is very mature and had my protection. I'm not like the rest of you. rhave done my researcn on humans and led her accordingly.
Apollo: Think of it this way, Athena. She would have just started losing baby teeth when she left home.
Athena: What?
Apollo: According to my son, they shed teeth. Like, they fall out and get new, bigger ones when they re old enougn. Didn't you know that?
Hades: That's disgusting. Our children do that?
Athena: I... That's not true! Your son is a liar!
Apollo: I AM THE GOD OF TRUTH!
It's a whole thing on Olympus
Hephaestus: Wait, they NEED to eat?!?! It isn't just for fun???
Hermes: What about water???
Dionysus: How do none ot vou know these things. Maybe you all should be camp directors for awhile-
Hades: Eight hours? They need EIGHT hours of sleep? A Day? There's no way NICO Is getting that much..
Dionysus: Oh, are they? Yeah lol. None of them are getting that much.
Aphrodite: Oh my gods... What happens if they don't get enough? Do they become ugly? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE MY KIDS UGLY?!
Zeus: They're so fragile. Why are they even allowed out of the camp?! Chiron, explain!
Chiron: You... Uh, ask them to do stuff for you?
All of Olympus: *flips a table*