I Am Emotional. - Tumblr Posts
so i just finished 'Red, White & Royal Blue and I AM IN PEICES. it was so good holy shit.
please, namjoon being jungkook’s forever leader. i’m crying but let me say something: knowing namjoon openly struggled about being in this position, carrying the weight of their success, feeling like he was failing or not good enough and jungkook knowing about his insecurities and still saying he’d follow him anywhere making namjoon tear up while jungkook never once had a doubt about namjoon’s decisions because he trusts in him IN THIS ESSAY I WILL -
once again thinking about "everyone I have ever cared for has either died or left me. everyone - fucking except for you"
I think that in the cannery Silco is the whole time really confused and frustrated with Vander’s behavior. Vander changed to the point Silco could trust him again and Vander wouldn’t repeat what he did (I think part of why Vander is so pacifist is cos of what he did to Silco) but Silco can’t accept that. He remembers Vander as someone who nearly killed him and he lived with this for years, and wanted to reunite anyway and now he wants to have to deal with the same man he accepted Vander was and also still respected despite everything. This new Vander is not smth Silco can work with. I think confronting this new Vander is uncomfortable to him cos it nearly forces him to see the situation for what it was and not how he viewed it through his trauma.
We don’t know the details of the betrayal but it seems Silco thought he deserved it, or more likely accepted that this is who his brother truly was the whole time. This is part of what led him to his ‘there’s a monster inside all of us’ ideology. So to see Vander again only for him to behave like he should have back then. Showing qualities that he didn’t show toward Silco back then. Basically ‘Silco idealizes/looks up to Vander’>’Vander betrays him and Silco goes on to accept that Vander showed his true self that was always there’>’Silco sees Vander again prepared to deal with his monster-brother only to see that Vander isn’t that monster anymore’.
That’s why he goes ‘I knew you still had it in you’, seeing Vander like this brought him satisfaction and relief. I think it must have been on some level painful for Silco that Vander seemingly genuinely became a kind, gentle, ‘would not turn my violence against my family/the weak’ kinda guy, but not for him. That’s why it was easier to forgive Vander for trying to kill him and accept that’s who Vander is, if he joined him, rather than face the ugly truth that his closest and most trusted loved one committed a horrible act of violence on him and process his hurt and continued love for Vander without resorting to resigning himself to believing this is just how life works.
All that obviously influenced what kind of person Silco allowed himself to become but also likely informed his relationship with Jinx. He is ready to accept her no matter what atrocities she commits, including torturing and kidnapping him (and patricide), and she never needs to apologize for anything. Repeating the attitude he showed toward Vander, where he was physically violated by him but didn’t expect or require an apology or anything from Vander and was willing to let it slide even tho his brother was willing to commit a fratricide.
There’s also the parallel between how Jinx was willing to reunite with Vi despite Vi messing things up constantly (the last thing she did was walk away from Jinx on the bridge but despite that Jinx talks first to her during the dinner and offers her the first choice) however also putting Vi in front of an impossible choice for all the hurt that Vi caused her that’s supposed to convince Jinx of Vi’s love and loyalty to her through this big act/sacrifice (killing Cait and choosing Jinx)-
And how Silco freely forgave Vander however put him in front of an impossible choice for all the hurt Vander did to him that was supposed to convince Silco of his love and loyalty to him through this big act/sacrifice (abandoning pacifism and choosing Silco).
Silco told him he’d show him who he really was and he does achieve that before Vander dies. This seems to bring Silco some peace of mind despite how just a second ago he relived his trauma. This truly was who Vander was on the inside after all. If pushed far enough we are all monsters on the inside and there’s nothing that can be done about it. What happened to Silco was just the way the world works. The violence was an intrinsic part of Vander and therefore unavoidable and also not really anyone’s fault.
Yet he is wrong. Vander’s rage and abandoning of his pacifist ways and hurting his brother again was a result of losing Claggor and Mylo and an attempt to save Vi. Something Silco misunderstood in the moment and wouldn’t be able to understand for years to come. However ultimately Silco also gives up his dream of Zaun and loses his cool/rages at the possibility of losing Jinx. Not because he didn’t truly want independent Zaun or he wasn’t really a collected and cruel crime lord but cos he’s got his priorities.
Yes, all your morals/mentality/goals do go out the window if your child is threatened, actually, and it doesn’t reflect much on the parent outside of showing that they’re a devoted parent. This kind of attitude of a parent toward their child is just unique like this.
It all makes sense now.
@singofus asked: Lyssa heard her queen as if they were both underwater. She lay here bleeding deep blackish-red almost entwined with the assassin attempting to curse her lady. The cursed blade instead sapping her own life energy. Good, her oath to her queen was fulfilled. She died with honour. "You should go to safety...there could be more..." she murmured, hoping Melinoe would heed her concern. (When perhaps they entwine closer?)
she'd felt the curse lingering on the blade , she had known the area was not safe , and yet she wasn't fast enough to step out of the way . lyssa did as she was trained to do , to intercept between her queen and danger .
these mortals are bold now , demanding attendance from her spirits , demanding their insights and gifts . she had come to put a stop to it , to free any caught in ouija boards and pendulums and other such tools . but she'd underestimated them .
and now her closest friend lies dying on the ground .
she extends a pale , skeletal hand to the would-be-assassin , striking them with a MADNESS pulled deep from her fear and panic in this moment . they release the blade , writhing and screaming as their mind sees truths it cannot comprehend . but all of it is background to her .
she pulls lyssa away from the mortal , feeling the sticky yellow curse working through her life force . with skeletal hand to the ground and black hand moving above , she slips into well-practiced motions .
( call forth the shadows and spirits for , at the very least , a few seconds of forewarning and obfuscating the two of them from scrying eyes . )
she reaches out to the caustic and defensive spirits ; those who bear loyalty to either her as their queen or to lyssa as their commander . they stay at a distance but they are present . all ignore the screaming mortal .
( pour forth intention of containment and abjuration into each action . )
she closes her eyes , tears dripping down her face as she centers herself in the way that only centuries upon centuries of training in courts and witchcraft would allow her to do so quickly . she is still , in the center . a dark pond , not a ripple .
she creates a white square in her mind , a purification of holy fire and light , and leans into it .
( remove the cursed item . )
her body flickers , sides changing with skeletal becoming black and black becoming skeletal , then fleshed . white hand grabs the handle of the knife and it hisses and bubbles and she tosses it aside , where it dissolves under the force of her PURIFICATION .
( with blessed hand , wind and wrap and gather the foreign intention of the curse within the body . )
she presses her white hand over lyssa's wound , pale skin marred with dark blood and vile intention . she probes , physically and metaphysically , darkened arm holding lyssa down as she does , until she catches the curse and pulls and winds and pulls and winds and wraps and gathers the unruly yarn of the pain . the more of it that touches her , the brighter it burns white , until her hand is near flaming as she cauterizes with holy dark magic .
( stabilize . )
it is done , but ... she is not coming back . lyssa is not stronger , not bouncing back as mel had hoped . her breath comes short now , and distantly she feels one of her spirits' hackles raise .
she casts a glance over -- a great shaggy black dog stares down the spirit .
it is not barking .
it is not hekate's .
she curses and turns back to lyssa , knowing her time is running thin . she presses both hands over lyssa's chest , feeling as her own dual nature starts to be less and less in touch with lyssa's , for DEATH is the great equalizer of all difference .
another alarmed spirit .
a grey lady .
not hekate's .
she leans down to where lyssa is hardly breathing , and presses their foreheads together . she takes a deep breath , rational and magical minds searching for purpose . magic is all intention . that's all it is .
she presses her hands against lyssa's chest and pours her own resolve for her to live into that intention — the burning white box replaced with the verdant green and red and black of her mother's garden , the most alive space mel intimately knows .
❛ i do not hold your oath fulfilled , ❜ she whispers , forcing her teeth not to be gritted , forcing her love and admiration and respect for the daemon beneath her to outweigh her fear . ❛ i will not hold your oath fulfilled here . you are destined for much greater . i do not release you . STAY . ❜
her magic sinks into lyssa , her very core of her power chipping off and sinking into the daemon below .
distantly , she recognizes the screaming has stopped . she can hear lyssa's breathing picking back up , getting stronger , and she lifts her head to look into the golden eyes of one of her father's most faithful servants .
a single , black butterfly sits on their clawed hand , the body of the assassin now silent and still . they say nothing , watching not the princess , but the daemon .
lyssa makes a noise — mel looks down to her , the budding relief overwhelming — and when she looks back up , THANATOS and their omens are gone .
she did it .
she wraps her arms around lyssa and holds her close , trembling . she says nothing , just holds her , feeling a connection she couldn't before .
bumalik na si zi, ang aking spotify crush hellu po ang pogi po ng playlists niyo ehe