I Love Marella Angst - Tumblr Posts
Thank you so much!!
Trigger Warning: This contains self harm, fear of abuse, and thoughts of suicide
This is Marella. I thought of it because of the song "My R" and I do ship Darella and also that "boys don't look at me" I got from a tiktok pov from a while ago. And Sirri is one of Stina's henchmen. But I found this in my notes and thought I would share because why not. Please tell me what you think:
She was standing on the roof, bent down in a squat so that her bottom almost touched the tiles. Her arms were wrapped around her, tight and secure, but the tears wouldn't flow. What if she jumped off right now? What if she finally did it this time?
The next day came and she didn't, in fact, jump off. Instead, she went to sleep and woke up with her usual spunk. She got dressed, packed her stuff, and headed out the door to lightleap to school. Foxfire. It was the most prestigious school in the Lost Cities and somehow she got in. Even though she passed the entry exam like everyone else, it was hard to feel like it was because of her own skill. Maybe they were distracted. Maybe they pitied her because of her family situation. She almost pitied herself. One moment her mom was happy and supportive, aware of her surroundings and joyful. The next moment she was breaking down, slamming doors, breaking things, screaming. There were a few times Marella was scared her mother would hit her, but she never did.
Upon arriving at school, she found Stina and Maruca waiting for her in the front hall so they could go to attendance. They walked side by side. Marella wasn't in the back but she sure wasn't talking as much as they were and they didn't seem to care. Stina turned and asked her something, and she confidently said her two sense. They'd expect her to be confident and comfortable in her skin, but the burns on her back and legs didn't show under her uniform. It was like this every day. They'd meet her, they'd talk her ear off, she'd end up feeling worthless by lunch. Sirri would continue to interrogate her about boys, but all Marella could do was avoid looking at Dex from across the cafeteria. She simply said, "Boys don't pay attention to me," and let the next person speak.
The times she felt the worst was her practices with Fintan. He knew how to make her hate her body, her friends, and her own family. He also taught her how to use her pyrokinesis, the terrible ability she'd been given. She just wanted to be an empath. She just wanted to help her mom. So again, she'd go home and sit up on the roof, pondering. Why couldn't Dex even turn her way? Why couldn't she have gotten a nice ability? When would she be worth calling for help against the Neverseen? When would her mother finally realize she hated her and give her that heavy slap that Marella always prepared for? Would Stina realize she liked her other friends more than she liked her? Like Sophie did. She was just waiting for the wave to come crashing in, and for the tenuous kind-of peace she knew to finally break completely.
Maybe she should've jumped off that roof right then, to avoid her inevitable downfall. Then she wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else with her ability or her presence. She remembered how she accidentally burned off some of Princess Purryfins' whiskers, and Linh simply laughed it off and put her back in the water, but she couldn't have forgiven her. She almost hurt someone dear to her friend. She deserved to have it all end. The night that happened she went to her room and burned her own cheek as punishment; but she told her father it was an accident.