Jingle Bells Batman Smells - Tumblr Posts
Jingle Bells (Christmas With The Joker Edition)
Based on the song from Batman: The Animated Series.
JOKER: Jingle bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg The Batmobile lost a wheel And the Joker got a-waaaaay!
JOKER: Crashing through the roof In a one-horse open tree Busting out I go, Laughing all the WHEEEE! Sounds of gunshots ring As coppers shoot me down But they still can’t catch ol’ Gotham’s Favorite psychopathic clown!
Oh, jingle bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg The Batmobile lost a wheel And the Joker got away Jingle bells, Batman smells Joker’s running loose I’ve nabbed Commissioner Gordon and I’m going to cook his goose!
[speaking part]
(Joker arrives at his hideout, where his henchmen: Harley Quinn, Bob the Goon, and Gaggy are waiting.)
JOKER: “Harley! I’m home!”
HARLEY: “Puddin’!”
BOB: “Heya boss!”
GAGGY: “Merry Christmas, Mr. Joker!”
JOKER: “Alright, alright settle down! Settle down! Now is everything ready for the big night?”
HARLEY (hands Joker a Santa coat, hat, and beard): “We’re all set, Mistah J!”
JOKER (takes the costume and starts putting it on): “Excellent! Go start up the sleigh! Bob, start the camera! Gaggy…!”
(Gaggy smiles eagerly as he waits for his orders.)
JOKER: “Go…get me some egg nog.”
GAGGY (salutes): “Yes sir, Mr. Joker!”
(Gaggy runs off as Harley brings in a Santa chair).)
HARLEY: “Don’t forget yer chair puddin’!”
JOKER: “Ah, yes of course!”
BOB: “We’re live in five, Boss!”
JOKER (sits in the chair): “Alright then! A-A-Ahem…”
[end speaking part]
JOKER: Good evening, girls and boys And all your dads and moms Joker’s bringing you some toys And each one has a bomb! So unless our dear Dark Knight And his helpers stop my sleigh We’ll go “POP POP POP!” like chestnuts In the fire this Christmas Day!
Oh, jingle bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg Nightwing is a circus freak And Batgirl does ballet Jingle bells, Batman smells Spoiler laid an egg Red Hood’s cracked, Batwoman’s wack And Bluebird’s…
HARLEY: “Mistah J!”
[speaking part]
JOKER: “Harley!? I thought I told you to start the sleigh, you--!”
HARLEY: “The sleigh’s junked puddin’!”
JOKER: “What!? How!?”
HARLEY: “I dunno! I took my eyes off it fer a sec, and when I turned around, the thrusters were blown!”
JOKER: “What!? How am I supposed to deliver presents without a sleigh!? Uuugh…nevermind! Come on, we’ll use the truck!”
(Harley is suddenly ‘bat-ambushed’.)
HARLEY: “Mmph!”
JOKER: “Harley? Where are you!?”
BOB: “Boss! Over there, it’s…mmph!”
(Bob gets ‘bat-ambushed’.)
JOKER: “What is it Bob? Bob!?”
(Joker realizes he’s alone.)
JOKER: “Harley? Bob? Anyone? Where’d you…? *bumps into someone* Oomph! Hey, watch where you’re gooooo—!"
(The Joker realizes he’s just bumped into Batman, the rest of the Bat-Family flanking him, with some restraining Harley and Bob. Batman’s leitmotif from the animated series plays.)
JOKER: “Batman!?”
POW!
JOKER: “Ooomph!”
(Joker falls to the ground as Batman slowly approaches him.)
JOKER: “But how…how did you find me?”
BATMAN: “Your singing.”
NIGHTWING: “We could hear you all the way from Crime Alley.”
ROBIN (DAMIAN): “Unfortunately.”
JOKER: “Guuuuuh…”
GAGGY: “Mister Joker!”
(Gaggy enters.)
GAGGY: “I’m back! Is it time to deliver the presents ye…?”
(Gaggy sees the Bat-Family standing over his defeated gang.)
GAGGY: “Ehhhh…Egg nog?”
[end speaking part. Scene transitions to the Joker’s cell in Arkham.)
JOKER: So here I am again In my nice and cushy room Bound in straightjacket and chains My plan shot to squadoo! It will take at least a week To attempt my next escape Maybe I should just give up this feud With the man in cowl and cape … … … NAH!
Jingle bells, Batman smells He doesn’t get the joke! So I’ll keep coming back until I make him laugh or croak! Jingle bells, Batman smells I’ve more tricks up my sleeve! ‘Til then, goodbye! But don’t you cry, I’ll be back on New Year’s Eve!
HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Ugh…Merry Christmas