Jingle Bells (Christmas With The Joker Edition)

Jingle Bells (Christmas With The Joker Edition)

Based on the song from Batman: The Animated Series.

JOKER: Jingle bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg The Batmobile lost a wheel And the Joker got a-waaaaay!

JOKER: Crashing through the roof In a one-horse open tree Busting out I go, Laughing all the WHEEEE! Sounds of gunshots ring As coppers shoot me down But they still can’t catch ol’ Gotham’s Favorite psychopathic clown! 

Oh, jingle bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg The Batmobile lost a wheel And the Joker got away Jingle bells, Batman smells Joker’s running loose I’ve nabbed Commissioner Gordon and I’m going to cook his goose! 

[speaking part]

(Joker arrives at his hideout, where his henchmen: Harley Quinn, Bob the Goon, and Gaggy are waiting.)

JOKER: “Harley! I’m home!” 

HARLEY: “Puddin’!” 

BOB: “Heya boss!” 

GAGGY: “Merry Christmas, Mr. Joker!” 

JOKER: “Alright, alright settle down! Settle down! Now is everything ready for the big night?” 

HARLEY (hands Joker a Santa coat, hat, and beard): “We’re all set, Mistah J!”

JOKER (takes the costume and starts putting it on): “Excellent! Go start up the sleigh! Bob, start the camera! Gaggy…!”

 (Gaggy smiles eagerly as he waits for his orders.)

 JOKER: “Go…get me some egg nog.”

 GAGGY (salutes): “Yes sir, Mr. Joker!”

 (Gaggy runs off as Harley brings in a Santa chair).)

 HARLEY: “Don’t forget yer chair puddin’!”

JOKER: “Ah, yes of course!”

BOB: “We’re live in five, Boss!”

JOKER (sits in the chair): “Alright then! A-A-Ahem…”

 [end speaking part]

JOKER: Good evening, girls and boys And all your dads and moms Joker’s bringing you some toys And each one has a bomb! So unless our dear Dark Knight And his helpers stop my sleigh We’ll go “POP POP POP!” like chestnuts In the fire this Christmas Day!

Oh, jingle bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg Nightwing is a circus freak And Batgirl does ballet Jingle bells, Batman smells Spoiler laid an egg Red Hood’s cracked, Batwoman’s wack And Bluebird’s…

HARLEY: “Mistah J!”

[speaking part]

JOKER: “Harley!? I thought I told you to start the sleigh, you--!”

HARLEY: “The sleigh’s junked puddin’!”

JOKER: “What!? How!?”

HARLEY: “I dunno! I took my eyes off it fer a sec, and when I turned around, the thrusters were blown!”

JOKER: “What!? How am I supposed to deliver presents without a sleigh!? Uuugh…nevermind! Come on, we’ll use the truck!”

(Harley is suddenly ‘bat-ambushed’.)

HARLEY: “Mmph!”

JOKER: “Harley? Where are you!?”

BOB: “Boss! Over there, it’s…mmph!”

(Bob gets ‘bat-ambushed’.)

JOKER: “What is it Bob? Bob!?”

(Joker realizes he’s alone.)

JOKER: “Harley? Bob? Anyone? Where’d you…? *bumps into someone* Oomph! Hey, watch where you’re gooooo—!"

(The Joker realizes he’s just bumped into Batman, the rest of the Bat-Family flanking him, with some restraining Harley and Bob. Batman’s leitmotif from the animated series plays.)

JOKER: “Batman!?” 

POW!

JOKER: “Ooomph!” 

(Joker falls to the ground as Batman slowly approaches him.)

JOKER: “But how…how did you find me?”

BATMAN: “Your singing.”

NIGHTWING: “We could hear you all the way from Crime Alley.”

ROBIN (DAMIAN): “Unfortunately.”

JOKER: “Guuuuuh…”

GAGGY: “Mister Joker!”

(Gaggy enters.)

GAGGY: “I’m back! Is it time to deliver the presents ye…?”

(Gaggy sees the Bat-Family standing over his defeated gang.)

GAGGY: “Ehhhh…Egg nog?” 

[end speaking part. Scene transitions to the Joker’s cell in Arkham.)

JOKER: So here I am again In my nice and cushy room Bound in straightjacket and chains My plan shot to squadoo! It will take at least a week To attempt my next escape Maybe I should just give up this feud With the man in cowl and cape … … … NAH!

Jingle bells, Batman smells He doesn’t get the joke! So I’ll keep coming back until I make him laugh or croak! Jingle bells, Batman smells I’ve more tricks up my sleeve! ‘Til then, goodbye! But don’t you cry, I’ll be back on New Year’s Eve! 

HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Ugh…Merry Christmas

Smash Intros: Pichu VS Jigglypuff

Inspired by “If Smash Bros Had Intros Like Mortal Kombat” by Mister BlackJack 

Pichu:”Do we hafta do this Gramma? I don wanna hurt you.”

Jigglypuff:”Don’t you worry sonny, Gramma Jigg is tougher than she looks.”

Pichu:”Okay, here I come!”

[I thought it’d be a fun twist to have Jigglypuff be a kindly, grandmotherly figure instead of the usual young girl portrayal. I also like to imagine the Pikachu from Brawl onwards is the son of the Pikachu from the first two games, while the new Pichu is his child.]

Smash Intros: King Dedede VS Ganondorf

Inspired by “If Smash Bros Had Intros Like Mortal Kombat” by Mister BlackJack

Dedede:”Hey! Come ya invited Meta Knight into the Subspace Legion and not me!”

Ganondorf:”Because you’re a fat, incompetent buffoon.”

Dedede:”I’ll show YOU who’s incompetitive!”

Kamen Rider Ex-Aid Opening

Thought I’d try my hand at writing my own English lyrics to one of my favorite Kamen Rider openings. Let me know what you think.

If you wish to do a cover using them, go ahead. Just be sure to credit me (lyrics by houserproblem).

Original Lyrics

My Lyrics:

EXCITE

(I gotta believe...) I don't wanna know, real life is too demanding I don't wanna know, I’m better off not understanding Why? Why? Why? Why? Now I know that I’ve come too far Can’t stop this sick and eerie feeling something is coming The new beginning Future’s uncertain, things are getting bleaker, but I know I gotta believe! (Turn it on!)

I’m so... EXCITE! EXCITE! My heart’s dancing EXCITE! EXCITE! Take a chance and Ride with me where no one’s been to, We’ll clear this game using no continues (Hey!) I'm on a mission right now (Hey!) I'm on a mission right now EXCITE! EXCITE! What’s the answer EXCITE! EXCITE! Here’s my answer (1) I hold within my hands (2) This single precious life (3) That I have sworn to live

Castlevania: Moonlight Rhapsody Thoughts

I’ve been looking into Konami and Shenqu’s new mobile title, Castlevania: Moonlight Rhapsody. At first, I thought this was going to just be another dumb gacha game meant to cater to nostalgia and just rehash old storylines.

While it does appear to have some mobile game trappings such as a mission/quest based progression structure, random dropped equipment designed to be upgraded via fusion and farming, and playable characters locked behind a paywall, it also looks like much more thought was put into it.

For starters, the gameplay looks to be a proper Metroidvania, as it has a large, continuous map instead of being broken up into levels. The map will likely start off fairly small at first, with new areas being added in updates, but it’s still there.

Second, there are only 8-10 characters so far. Normally, mobile games are all about earning new characters via random gacha-style summoning. But because of the smaller character pool and the fact that said characters can wield a variety of weapon types from the gameplay footage I’ve seen, the random/lootbox element may come from the collectible equipment instead.

Finally, the graphics and art style are gorgeous. I’m not ashamed to admit that I actually have a soft spot for the anime art style used in Dawn of Sorrow and Portrait of Ruin. It detracted from the dark, gothic setting, but it wasn’t horrible. Moonlight Rhapsody blends elements from the Kojima artwork, DS-era anime style, and even the Netflix series to create a style that blends the best of each.

What really sold me on the artwork is how they got around China’s strict rules on the depiction of the dead. Long story short, games aren’t allowed to depict dead bodies or gore. Gore I can understand, but the dead bodies part means that they can’t use any skeleton enemies. So they replaced the skeleton enemies with armor knights, vampire soldiers, or werebeasts with similar attack patterns and weaponry, while Death was given an admitedly impressive redesign. My favorite example was what they did with one of the playable characters.

One of the planned playable characters is a warlock named Vincent. While Vincent’s gameplay hasn’t been released yet, his opening animation when you highlight him on the character select screen has him doing a punching combo, followed by summoning a creature similar to the winged skeleton enemy (those flying skeletons with spears), except its made of crystal fragments. I thought that was pretty clever and a cool (if unintentional) shout-out to Castelvania’s spiritual successor series Bloodstained.

Granted, there are parts of the game I’m not particularly fond of. I’m on the fence in regards to the new characters, as they come off as generic, demon hunter anime archetypes (there’s a guy who is literally the priest from Dungeon Fighter Online with a different haircut and outfit). I’m especially unimpressed with Elvis - the new dhampir protagonist -, due to his name and that he seems to be a rehash of Alucard with Richter’s color palette.

But despite it’s flaws, I’m looking forward to seeing what Moonlight Rhapsody brings to the Castlevania universe. Canon or not, I wish Konami and Shenqu the best of luck and hope that the game does well.

If you’re interested in checking out yourselves, here are some links to get you started:

Moonlight Rhapsody’s page on the Castlevana Wiki. (Includes links to some YouTube videos of the game).

Mike Fringe’s YouTube Channel. He does a playthrough of the game. Just search for the videos and you’ll find them in no time.

I just hope the gacha/microtransactions aren’t too intrusive, the characters aren’t flat and boring, and that it really is a proper Metroidvania (because I swear it looks like it will be from the gameplay footage I’ve seen), because I really hope this does well enough to warrant a console port.

I have no hope for this game but that doesn't mean I can't thirst for more content of my boy. Oh man I hope the plot is either okay or non cannon