Joshua Hong Smut - Tumblr Posts

BURNIN' UP. - h.js

you really were just trying to enjoy a cool treat by the pool on a hot summer’s day. honest. 

pairing : joshua x fem reader. content : plotless smut. MINORS DNI. (smut tags utc) wc : 3.1k notes : not proofread. intentional lowercase. hoping this gets rid of the insane josh!rot i've had the past few weeks. i'm very sorry. (i'm not that sorry)

nsfw tags : swearing. making out, manhandling, choking, oral sex (m rec), face-fucking, hair pulling, dacryphilia, big cock!josh. he has a bit of a gagging kink. cum swallowing. meanie dom joshua. degradation (use of the word slut), exhibitionism/semi-public sexual acts in that they could have been walked in on at any time (but they weren’t). PLEASE let me know if i've forgotten anything. notes 2.0 : this is for my sensitive gag reflex gang. i see you. i hear you. i am one of you. i would still let joshua hong violate my throat, anyway. 🫶

he’s such a gentleman. 

each time you’ve introduced joshua to one of your friends, they’ve all said the same thing. he’s so nice. he’s so sweet. he’s so caring. so dreamy… a real gentleman — you don’t find many people like him, anymore. and each time, you’ve rolled your eyes. each time, you’ve dry-heaved for dramatic effect, pulled a face, waved them off, told them to shut up. because yeah, whatever, you know he’s a nice guy. you know he always pulls your chair out for you and walks you home when it’s getting dark. you know he’s the first to offer his coat, the first to ask if he can get you a drink. 

seeing them all get hearts in their eyes over him makes you feel kind of squicky, though. because you’ve never, not a day in your life, looked at him the way your friends all seem to. 

at least… not until today.

not until he tugged his hawaiian shirt off his shoulders and dove gracefully into seungkwan’s swimming pool. not until he surfaced, grinning brightly, pushing his hair back off his forehead. not until the swell of his shoulders glistened in the summer sunlight, broad and tanned and decorated with droplets of water from tip to tip. not until he locked eyes with you as he waded through the pool with hansol on his back, engaging in something of a jousting contest against mingyu and chan. (not until they won said joust and joshua threw hansol off him to celebrate their victory, and it looked like he was shrugging off little more than a bag of sugar.)

not until now, as he rests his forearms on the side of the pool and calls your name. as if he needs to do anything to get your attention from where you’re laid out on the sun lounger. as if he hasn’t had it for hours.

“are you getting in?” he asks, raking those thick fingers through his dripping hair again, slicking a few stray strands back. 

now, submerging yourself in the water sounds unbelievably tempting — it’s such a hot day and your skin is slick with sweat even as you relax in the shade. but there’s a lot of splashing going on in there right now and you could really do without a six foot two man-puppy trying to use you as a human shield, so…

“nah, not right now,” you say, shaking your head. 

that brilliant grin is replaced by a playful looking pout. still, he’s all honey-voiced when he asks, “later, then?” 

“sure, yeah. maybe later.”

“i’ll hold you to that,” he says, cupping water in his hands and squeezing them so that it shoots straight at you. a squeak escapes your lips at the chill when it hits your bare legs; joshua kicks away from the wall of the pool chuckling to himself and swims back over to where his friends are still playing around without him, leaving you to stare slack-jawed at his toned back as he retreats. 

half an hour later, you’ve moved to sit at the edge of the pool and you’re kicking your feet slowly through the water. an intense game of marco polo is well and truly underway when seungkwan appears at one shoulder, offering you a popsicle; you take it gratefully, unwrapping the treat and having a taste, sighing blissfully at the frozen cola flavour that melts onto your tongue. 

the host sits down beside you for a little while and you talk comfortably while the fun and games continue. he stays for a while, laughing and joking and catching up with you, before he disappears back into the shade and leaves you to your own devices.

and at some point during all this, joshua takes notice of you. he sees the way your lips close around the ice pop. he sees the way your eyes flutter closed at how sweet and refreshing it tastes. he sees how your cheeks hollow out around it, how your tongue sweeps over the tip, how you hold it so gently between your teeth and giggle at what seungkwan’s saying to you, how you wipe your lips with the back of your hand to clear the stickiness…

so when you glance over to him, after saying goodbye to the host, joshua’s eyes are already on you; his jaw is tense and his eyes are dark as he stares from the opposite side of the pool. chan is slowly edging towards him but he doesn’t seem to care all that much. all it appears he can do is look at you and watch as your throat bobs with each swallow you take. 

so, in the spirit of giving him a good show, you suckle a little more of the popsicle into your mouth with your gazes locked firmly together. and a little more, and a little more. just a few moments later with his lips locked into a tight line and a bead of sweat on his forehead, joshua silently lifts himself out of the water, beckoning you with one tweak of his fingers to tell you to follow.

you lift your feet up out of the water and pat your legs dry with the towel you’ve been sat on, heading inside while trying very hard not to think about the fact that the man you’re about to run into is the sole cause of the ache between your thighs. 

you toss the stick to your popsicle in the trash on your way through and no sooner have you crossed the threshold into the hallway, one of joshua’s devastatingly large hands finds place on the small of your back. with hardly any pressure at all, the contact stops you in your tracks and you find yourself turning to face him. 

“that was quite the… performance,” he says quietly. if you strain, you can still hear the fun being had outside, but the quiet surrounding the two of you in the house makes it so that every syllable that comes from his perfectly shaped lips shoots straight through you.

“i don’t know what you mean.” you shrug, acting as unfazed by his fingertips grazing over your bare skin as you wish you could be. 

joshua gives a soft chuckle by way of a response, his other hand lifting up to your cheek, thumb and forefinger toying with a couple of the baby hairs right in front of your ear. “you don’t?” he asks, and you shake your head at him, playing down the slight stutter in your breathing. he isn’t fooled. “i had no idea our little y/n was so brazen.”

“brazen,” you scoff, pressing one hand against his chest. he’s scorching hot (no doubt a symptom of having been in the sun all afternoon), but you double down anyway, curling your fingertips against his skin. “josh, i wasn’t even doing anything.”

“sure.” he pauses, moving to press his thumb to your bottom lip, feeling the slight chill on your skin from your treat before. “if sitting in full view of everyone and eye-fucking me with that popsicle halfway to your throat counts as ‘not doing anything’, i guess you’re totally innocent.”

this choice of phrasing from your supposed most gentlemanly friend reduces all of the thoughts between your ears to mere static. you can probably count on your fingers the number of times you’ve actually heard him curse, but you’d run out of cogitable numbers before adding up the number of occasions he’s told others to mind their language. shit, it’s so alien on him, but… it’s so hot. in his slightly lower register, quiet and hushed and only for you…

you’ll drench through your bikini bottoms any minute if you aren’t careful.

“totally,” you mumble, the word only half-audible beneath the pad of his thumb. with your eyes as wide and sweet as you can make them, you do what is about the only reasonable thing you can think to do (even though it’s not actually very reasonable, at all). you purse your lips slightly before parting them and sucking the tip of his thumb into your mouth. his jaw tightens, throat tensing as you swipe your tongue across his skin, but his own lips lift up into a twisted sort of smile after a moment anyway . 

“all talk,” he breathes, sliding his thumb out of your mouth and gripping your jaw a little harshly. “all talk, no action.”

“is that right?”

“feel free to prove me wrong.”

joshua turns you both around so that he has you pressed against the wall behind you. with one forward push of his hips, you can feel his cock hard and prodding at your abdomen. a gasp escapes before you can do anything about it, and the metaphorical envelope bursts open. the line is crossed. there’s no turning back – and god, are you pleased about that.

the first move is completely on you. when you push up onto your toes and press your lips to his, it feels as though your whole body catches alight. you don’t waste time with pretty kisses, either – you go straight in, parting your lips, licking against his own. his tongue meets yours, his hands tighten around your waist – it’s messy, sloppy, feverish; you grow lightheaded and dizzy, but whether it’s because you don’t come up for a proper gulp of air for several minutes, or because the man whose arms you’re currently occupying is kissing the life, death, rebirth and repeat out of you… you’re not sure. regardless, you feel like you’re making out with him on the surface of the fucking sun. 

his hand drops from your jaw to your throat and his fingers squeeze in just the right place to trigger another rush of heat between your legs. your pussy tightens around nothing and you get out a quiet whine, lips stilling completely; joshua pulls away from the messy kiss smirking at you, tightening his fist a little more. 

“so you can take my tongue down your throat,” he says directly into your ear, his usually delicate voice hardly more than a low rumble. it sends shiver after shiver down your spine. “but is that all, pretty girl?”

you shake your head as much as his hand will allow and the pressure from his fist starts to push down against your collarbones, weighing you towards the floor. you obediently drop down to your knees, straightening your back until you’re eye level with his cock. all the while, your gaze stays upwards at his face, lashes fluttering when he eventually has to relinquish his hold on your throat. 

“i’ve always thought you had the most beautiful eyes,” he sighs, cupping your chin before sliding his hand around to the back of your neck. his cock twitches against his swimming shorts as you shuffle on your knees to get a little closer to him. “never thought i’d see them like this, though.”

“never knew you wanted to,” you say, lifting your hands up to his sides. they find the waistband of his trunks and start to tug at them playfully but joshua swats them away.

“behind your back,” he tells you. he fucking tells you, and it flashes through your mind briefly to take the bait and snip back at him. you don’t take instructions. you don’t take commands. but there’s a very real fire in the way he’s staring down at you and lord, it’s so hot that you think it’s actually scalding you. 

maybe you can bend your rules, just this once. just for him.

so you clasp your hands behind you and watch as he tugs his cock free from his shorts. when he holds it in his palm, strokes up and down the length a few times right in front of your eyes, you’re stuck trying to figure out if maybe his hands aren’t as big as you thought or if his dick is actually just huge. either way, you can’t stop staring at it; your lips fall apart and he chuckles down at you, swiping his thumb over the tip, smearing the bead of precum collecting there. he just about manages to suppress a shudder.

“open,” he says. 

you don’t hesitate.

your lips part and almost straight away, he presses his tip into your mouth. the weight of him on your tongue makes your pussy flutter and you close your watering mouth around his shaft, massaging your tongue over every inch it can reach. one of joshua’s hands comes to rest on the wall above your head to keep him steady; the other returns to the back of your head, fingers pressing into your hair, tugging at the strands already.

the first thrust of his hips takes you entirely by surprise; he slides through your spit-slickened lips all too easily and he hits the back of your mouth much quicker than you’d expected him to. you feel your throat constricting in a gag, muscles squeezing around his tip, and joshua lets out a deep, animalistic grunt at the feeling that shoots all the way into his gut. 

“fuck, baby,” he groans, eyes falling closed as he pulls at your hair hard enough to sting. “that felt so good.”

you take a couple of breaths and regrasp your hands behind you, preparing yourself for it to happen again. you know you can take him – you’re sure you can. he just caught you off guard. 

but he presses forward for a second time, bumping that super sensitive spot in your mouth, and you gag around him again. and again, and again, and again. your throat takes a beating, but joshua is relentless and he doesn’t stop fucking into your mouth, swearing and moaning with each strangled sound that his cock successfully muffles from you.

“poor little slut,” he groans, teeth gritted in an attempt to keep as quiet as he can manage. he continues to use your mouth like a damn fleshlight and all the while, he keeps talking, curling his fingers into the wall for stabilisation. “can’t handle me, can you? bet you thought you’d be able to take it so easily. fuck, you keep gagging like that and i’ll come right down your throat.”

your eyes are wet and streaming from the corners when you pull off him to catch your breath, chest heaving deeply, forehead slick with sweat.

“so fucking big, josh,” you gasp, swallowing around nothing. your jaw aches already from the exertion but you miss having him in your mouth, even if he’s right. even if maybe it is too much. even if you can’t handle him without choking a little, without your eyes dribbling with tears. you don’t care. you want – no, you need to taste him again, you need to feel the sheer heft of his cock on your tongue.

“look so pretty when you’re cry over it,” he tells you, bending a little and grabbing your face with one hand, pinching your cheeks so your lips purse. “think you can take a little more?”

you nod even though you really aren’t sure, technically speaking, if you can. but your cheeks sting deliciously from the harsh press of his blunt nails and you’ve managed to suck a little bit of air back into your lungs, so you open your mouth again and joshua lets go of your face, letting you lave your tongue over his cock for a moment first before he rams straight back into your mouth. 

you groan and whine and whimper as he continues his assault on your throat, trying to relax the muscles to make the slide a little easier but it never seems to let up. your clit is throbbing, neglected, sore, but pressing your thighs together only makes it worse, and though you’re sort of morbidly curious as to what joshua would do if you were to start touching yourself right now, you also think that he’s far more likely to help you out if you behave.

“gonna let me come in that beautiful mouth?” he asks, straining for every word, and just the thought of him shooting ropes of his climax straight into your throat has you about ready to collapse. you try to nod, but his eyes are clamped so tightly shut that he quite obviously doesn’t see you. as clearly as you can, you manage a quiet ‘mhm’, and the vibrations of your hum makes him swear. loudly.

“good little slut, – shit.” his hips start to stutter and you hollow out your cheeks, sucking at his cock for all you’re worth. “fuck, keep doing that. m’so close–”

the vein that runs down the underside of his length throbs against your tongue and you feel him release as he stills completely, grabbing the back of your head forcefully, holding you in place. all you can do is swallow around his shaft, let your throat massage all the cum out of him, whine and moan and let him empty himself until he can barely stand.

he taps the back of your head once he’s completely spent and you swallow one last time before gently pulling away from him, not standing to your feet yet but lifting one hand to rest it over his own. he squeezes your fingers, laughing drily and shaking his head before he gets a little bit of his strength back and tugs you up to your feet.

“i really didn’t know you had it in you, y/n,” he says, both his hands resting on your shoulders and gently massaging them. “are you okay? didn’t hurt too much?”

your throat is burning and all your muscles in your jaw feel like they’re going to seize up any minute, but you shake your head anyway. some pains are worth the gain.

“m’okay,” you assure him, pressing your back against the wall and sighing out at how cold the tile feels on your skin. “just… fuck.”

“yeah?” he asks, thumbs working magic on your skin. 

you nod. “never been this turned on in my life,” you groan. “you’re hot when you’re an asshole.”

“feel free to get used to it,” he grins, slipping one hand down and pressing his fingers into your tit instead, the thin material of your swimsuit offering little barrier from the pleasure he’s already sending through you in shockwaves.

“yeah?”

“yeah. especially if you’re gonna act like that in front of everyone.”

you roll your eyes at him, sucking your front teeth but you can't quite stop the devilish grin that settles onto your face as he slips beneath the fabric of your top. “i don’t know what you mean,” you tease, echoing your own words from before. “i wasn’t even doing anything, josh.”

thank u sm for reading!! likes, reblogs, comments + feedback are all always so greatly appreciated.<3

Naur I came on the spot I'm so done. (with myself)

what kind of polaroid taken during sex SEVENTEEN’s members keep inside their wallets [MDNI]

pairing: seventeen x fem!reader

content: nsfw, smut, sexual photos, mentions of cunnilingus, blowjob, vaginal fingering, penetrative sex.

a/n: … idk how to explain myself🧍🏻‍♀️

seungcheol

photo of your tits covered with his hickeys while you’re riding hick fat cock

jeonghan

photo of his long delicate fingers disappearing inside your wet pussy

joshua

photo of your red swollen lips parted and your dirty mouth is full of his cum

junhui

photo of his white hot cum leaking out of your ruined pussy

soonyoung

photo of his cock slipping into you desperate cunt from behind

wonwoo

photo of his huge dick laying on your stomach to see how far he’s gonna be inside of you

jihoon

photo of your swollen lips wrapped around his hard dick

minghao

photo of your torso painted with his cum - the masterpiece

mingyu

photo of his and your intertwined hands on the belly bulge caused by his dick

seokmin

photo of you suffocating him with your thighs while he’s eating you out

seungkwan

photo of his dick burried inside your pussy in missionary

hansol

photo of your tiny hands pumping his fat cock

chan

photo of his dick squeezed between your pretty tits

[seventeen masterlist]

Y'ALL DON'T KNOW HOW IT SWEPT ME OFF. THIS WAS JUST TOO GOOD. I AM STILL SHOOK.

leaning on the everlasting arms

member | childhood best friend! pastor's son!joshua x f reader genre | angst, smut, some fluff, bible college au word count | 10.3k (my first fic over 10k wowie!!) synopsis | as kids growing up in the same church, you and joshua were inseperable, until you got to an age where it was considered immoral for girls and boys to be friends. when you find him again just before graduation, he's different than you remember; but so are you. content warnings | female reader, she/her, reader is implied to be smaller (i'm sorry), discussion of gender roles & religion, no religion is mentioned by name but it's heavily implied to be a form of christianity, reader & shua are both seniors in college, reader wears skirts/dresses but not really by choice, this whole thing is pretty blasphemous oops smut warnings | descriptions of female anatomy, virgin!joshua x virgin!reader, mutual masturbation, phone sex, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (reader receiving), hints of a voice kink, size kink, praise, begging, really vanilla missionary but it's hot, nicknames (sweetheart, baby, angel) notes | although i am no longer religious, this is partially based off of my own experiences with the extremely traditional christian church i was raised in. however, please keep in mind that this is fiction and does not reflect my beliefs nor joshua's beliefs so don't take the plot too seriously. this piece is not meant to discuss whether certain religions are "right" or "wrong" so please do not comment/send me asks trying to start a debate! we're all just here for a little sexy time with shua it's not that deep note #2 | for those who aren't familiar, the title is the name of a hymn and i thought it was funny bc joshua big sexy arms hehehe

as far back as you could remember, joshua was your closest friend.

his father was the pastor of the church your family went to, and as luck would have it you were both in the same grade, so it wasn’t long before you became inseparable. you saw him at minimum three times a week: sunday morning, sunday evening, wednesday evening.

you spent most of your childhood together. sitting next to each other at every service, sharing your bibles with each other whenever one of you left them at home, sneaking donuts away from the box at the table outside the sermon hall that was supposed to only be for the adults.

you did everything together, and told each other everything. that is, until you reached middle school. boys and girls weren’t allowed to sit in the same services anymore, and you had to stay in separate buildings for every church camp and conference. 

the worst part was you didn’t even understand why. what did they think you were gonna do with him? kiss him? no amount of money in the world could get you to do that! joshua was your best friend. who else were you supposed to climb trees and build forts and sneak donuts with? kissing was stupid.

when you asked your mom about it, she told you the same thing everyone else did: about how men of god had a different path and needed to hear different messages in order to grow up to lead their own churches one day. you thought it was stupid. what if a woman wanted to lead a church, why are men the ones that have to do it? but she would just shake her head and tell you it's just the way things work in the church, you'll understand when you're older.

you were allowed near him less and less until the only time you were able to see him was at the after-service brunch with his family, and even then that began to happen less and less as the years went on.

and of course it was church rules, so there was no arguing with them because that would mean arguing with god, and who were you to question his authority? there would be no special exception for you, no matter how much you protested to your mom that you would never, ever think about joshua like that. in a fit of anger one day you blew up at her, shouting that she had had friends of the opposite gender when she was in high school, so why couldn’t you? it wasn’t fair. but she had just sighed and stared out the window, clearly ending the conversation. many years passed before she finally told you about her life before she came to church, recalling all the times she had been hurt by men she had loved and trusted. you understood then why she had wanted to keep you sheltered and safe, but you still didn’t agree. but then again, if you had been allowed to do what you wanted then maybe things would never have ended up the way they did. perhaps you have her to thank.

back then, all you could do was hold on to the little time you had with him until eventually you stopped seeing him altogether. 

more summers passed and you started spending all of your time memorizing bible verses with your fellow “women of christ”, missing the way you used to spend your time with your best friend.

but then you went off to bible college like had always been planned for you, and everything changed. instead of continuing to follow the strict schedule that was laid out for you, you finally got a little taste of freedom, and you realized what you’d been missing all this time. everything that you’d been taught was sinful, evil, wicked, was what brought you more pleasure than you’d ever known was possible.

you still had to pretend to be a good girl for the people around you, who, for reasons you couldn’t comprehend, were still dedicated to their life of purity. or at least they acted like it. maybe everyone was secretly just like you, hiding their sins behind a friendly smile and a firm handshake every sunday morning.

you weren’t hurting anyone with the things you did in private, and the feeling of rebellion was a kind of satisfaction you didn’t know you were allowed to feel. you were an adult, making your own choices now and facing whatever consequences that came with them.

there was only one consequence. for some reason, all the impure thoughts you had always centered around joshua. no matter what dirty books you read or videos you watched, the man you always pictured giving it to you was joshua.

you hated that after all these years, everything still came back to him. you fought it, tried imagining actors or celebrities in his place instead; characters from your books and movies and shows, anyone but him. you wanted to save whatever memories you had left of him, think of him in a good light like you used to when you were younger, but the way he plagued your mind was worse than the ones in the book of exodus.

but now, in your final year of college, you thought you had finally gotten yourself under control.

that is, until you were leaving one of your bible lectures and all the control you’d convinced yourself that you had crumbled away in mere seconds when you saw a startlingly familiar face standing by the door. a face you hadn’t seen in far too long. 

“joshua?”

“hey,” he says with a smile, like no time has passed at all. like it’s been hours since you’ve seen each other, not years. 

there are so many things you want to say, so many things you want to ask him, but you’re frozen in place. why is he here? where has he been? how did he find you again?

“it’s been a while,” he says with an awkward laugh when you don’t say anything.

you nod, still in a daze. “yeah. quite a while.”

he smiles. “well, anyway, i’ve got a meeting to go to in a bit, but… i just wanted to see you.”

“oh,” you say. what else is there to say? what can you say to make up for the years lost that you’ll never get back?

he looks at his watch, the conversation clearly coming to an end.

“can i give you my phone number?” he says. a deep shade of pink creeps into his cheeks but he either doesn’t notice or purposely doesn’t acknowledge it. “maybe we can talk sometime, catch up.”

“i– yeah,” you manage. god, it’s so good seeing him again. “yeah, that would be really nice.”

you’ve given up on homework for the night, spending your entire afternoon in a daze since you ran into joshua.

so many years, yet you still can’t get his smile out of your head.

you close your eyes, hand dipping below the waistband of your pajama pants automatically. it’s frightening how easily you’re able to bring up a picture of him in your mind, so much clearer than before now that you’ve seen what he looks like all grown up.

and grown up, he has. you had been too stunned to get a good look at him while he was in front of you, but the way he’d changed was immediately apparent and the image in your brain now feels almost unreal. 

his hair was a little longer and a little darker, and he was much taller, with broad shoulders that looked way too perfect in a suit jacket. but his face hadn’t changed a bit. maybe his jaw was a little bit sharper and his smile lines were a little bit deeper, but his eyes were the same ones you had always known. 

your hand slips lower and lower until you’re gently running the tips of your fingers over the panel of your underwear covering your pussy, moaning quietly when you feel how wet you are already.

no wonder it’s been so hard for you to focus all day. you’ve been too busy pushing away thoughts of joshua burying his fingers in your tight, wet cunt, cooing about how good you’re being for him and how long he’s waited for you.

automatically you feel your other hand grabbing for your phone, desperate to hear his voice again. you hadn’t said more than a few sentences to him earlier, but you feel like you’ll go crazy if you don’t hear him while you’re in this state. so needy for him and only him, and he doesn’t even know it.

your fingers shake as you press the buttons, knowing you’re about to get yourself into a whole world of trouble but not being able to stop yourself.

“hey.” he answers on the second ring. his tone is deep and husky, and your breath catches in your throat for a second, not used to hearing him talk like that; the last time you heard his voice was long before puberty, and you’re still navigating how to talk to this older, sexier joshua.

your first thought is to wonder if his morning voice sounds equally as sexy, but you’re immediately pushing it out of your head when you hear what sounds like him stifling a yawn.

“sorry, did i wake you? it– it’s not important,” you start, ashamed of how needy you are that you’d call him in the middle of the damn night, unprovoked, like some kind of bible group booty call.

the regret is already starting to set in. he probably hasn’t changed as much as you've built him up in your mind, probably still the obedient gentleman he was before. he’s probably already well on his way to being the head of a church, so of course he wouldn’t be thinking about you like that—

“no. it’s fine,” he says, interrupting your thoughts. “always have time for you, sweetheart. what’s up?”

you shove down the butterflies that flutter up in your stomach at the name he calls you, a nickname he always called you when you were kids because he was taught it was always polite to talk sweet to a lady. 

except it feels so much different now. talking sweet to a lady as kids was easy, innocent. but one wrong word now would completely change the meaning behind those pretty words of his, and you aren’t sure how to feel about it.

“i… just– it’s been so long, joshie,” you whisper, surprised at the sudden feeling of tears springing up behind your eyes. you didn’t mean for this to happen— you didn’t mean for any of it to happen. not back then, and certainly not now.

he lets the line go quiet, finally sighing into the phone after a long pause. “i missed you… so much.” he murmurs your name, and the way the rumble in his voice goes straight through you immediately reminds you why you called him in the first place.

your free hand toys with the hem of your underwear again, fighting to keep down the whimper that threatens to escape you. “missed you too,” you breathe out. god, you can’t believe you’re doing this. but for the first time in years, the man you’ve been picturing in your head is right here with you, fulfilling some of your fantasies that you never thought could ever come true.

somewhere deep in your stomach you feel guilty about it, getting off to the thought of him and he doesn’t even know it. would he want to know? would he be okay with it? would he hate you forever if he knew?

he clears his throat, snapping you back to attention and you realize you must’ve been silent for a while, thinking.

“um, so, what are you doing?” you ask, trying to seem casual, but it comes out as anything but. nobody calls anyone this late at night and asks what they’re doing without having a dirty reason for doing so. 

all you can do is hope he’s either too innocent to pick up on it, or that he doesn’t believe you’re the type of person who would call for something like that. you wonder if he still thinks of you as that perfect little obedient church girl he grew up with.

“nothing, just–working on… stuff,” he replies awkwardly. clearly he doesn’t want to go into detail about what he’s doing, and you’re already afraid you’ve interrupted his sleep; you’re mentally kicking yourself for all the blunders you’ve made, and you haven’t even been on the phone for five minutes.

“what are you doing?” he asks back, and you freeze, trying to come up with some excuse, anything. fuck, think of something!

“h-homework,” you sputter out, attempting to hide your unconfident answer with a cough.

apparently it works, because he hums in response, the line falling quiet. you hear the rustling of papers on his end, and you press your fingers harder against your cunt, heartbeat racing in your ears.

your fingers brush against your clit a little rougher than you intend, and a little whine escapes your lips, catching you off guard. you slap a hand over your mouth, hoping it had been too quiet for him to hear and he hadn’t been paying attention.

“are you…?” he asks suddenly, and your cheeks flush, caught red-handed in your sinful act.

you clear your throat, praying (both metaphorically and literally) that he doesn’t notice anything off about you. “am i what?”

his silence on the other end of the phone speaks volumes.

“joshua, oh my god, no, i–”

“what did you just say?”

you freeze. “what… did i say?”

when he speaks again, his tone is even. “don’t you know it’s a sin to take the lord’s name in vain, sweetheart?”

that nickname again, and now you know he’s doing it on purpose. innocent, pretty words, completely changed in a split second.

you let out a short laugh, scrambling to find a cover. “must’ve forgot then.”

he hums. “i remember you spent a whole month trying to memorize the ten commandments. we must’ve been what, eight or nine? you wouldn’t have forgotten. i may not have seen you since we were kids, but i’ve still known you most of my life.”

“it was an accident, you know how it is. just slips out. of course i remember them all.”

he tsks, and it feels like your heart stops. “did you forget that lying is a sin, too? you’re two for two now, wanna try for a third?”

damn him! damn his good memory and damn his stupid witty comebacks and damn the way he so quickly manages to unravel you.

you scowl and don’t respond to his question, your silence enough of an answer for joshua to know he’s right.

“why did you call me tonight?” he asks calmly.

you answer truthfully this time. “just wanted to hear your voice again. i really did miss you.”

the phone goes quiet again, and for a second you’re afraid he’s hung up, but then you hear him exhale. “it’s late. what are you doing?”

“i’m in bed, josh. don’t worry, father, i’m not staying up past my bedtime.”

he chooses to ignore your remark. “in bed doing what?”

you give him a half-suppressed laugh. “in bed laying down. what else would i be doing?”

“well, with the way you were trying to hide your moans earlier, i would’ve figured you were doing something more exciting. but if you’re just laying down, then i don't want to keep you long, might as well hang up…”

“no!” you squeak out, cutting him off. you swallow, trying to collect yourself as you repeat the word. “no. fine, whatever, you caught me. but– please, stay.” you can hear the plea in your voice and you know you should be embarrassed at how pathetic you sound, but you aren't. the only thing you can think about is joshua, joshua, joshua, and how good it feels to talk to him again.

“i’m here,” he says softly, and you let your eyes close with a sigh, relieved he’s not going to chastise you. but as much as you’ve both changed as you grew up, deep down you knew he wouldn’t. you figure you could do just about anything and he wouldn’t try to tell you what to do. he’d always been like that, and it’s what you’d loved about him; he never tried to control you or shame you for not acting like the perfect little angel everybody wanted you to be. 

you couldn’t say the same about others in the church. maybe that’s why you’d started to drift away from them and why joshua’s friendship coming to an end had left you so devastated. he had been the one and only person you could always count on, and they had not.

“are you still there?” he asks gently, and you realize you’ve been quiet for too long thinking.

“yeah,” you say finally.

“are you still touching yourself?”

you pause, stifling a gasp, taken aback by his forwardness. hearing him say it out loud made everything seem so real, the realization setting in about what you’re actually doing. “n– no.”

and it’s true. your hand has long since dropped away from your pajama pants, too nervous about being discovered to continue.

“well, why not?” he says. “don’t stop on my account.”

your mouth falls open. “i–”

“clearly you wanted something from me when you called. what is it, sweetheart? i can’t help you if i don’t know what it is you want.”

your brain practically short circuits at that, and it takes a very long minute for you to collect your thoughts into a coherent sentence. you want a lot of things, but you don’t know what’s okay to say or not or if he even wants to keep going. which is a silly thought, because he wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t want to know. it dawns on you that maybe… maybe he’s curious, maybe he’s thinking about you, too.

“what kind of help?” you ask, still testing the waters. you think you have an idea of what he means, but you ask anyway. you’ve never done anything like this with anyone else, only by yourself; not because you didn’t want to, but because you didn’t want it to be with someone who wasn’t joshua.

“you said you wanted to hear my voice,” he says, and you swear his tone has dropped an octave. “then let me talk to you.”

you whine a little, still holding back but not putting in as much effort to hide it. “m’kay.”

“would it make you feel better if i told you i’m hard right now?”

you suck in a breath. “yeah?”

“yeah,” he says. “just thinking about you.”

you feel a rush of emotion at his admittance. pride? satisfaction? whatever it is, it makes your cunt throb, knowing that just the thought of you can get him going.

finally you dare to slide your hand down your pants again, unsurprised when you find your underwear sticking to you with how wet you are. you’re soaking, and you haven’t even done anything yet.

“hold on,” you manage, putting the call on speaker as you set your phone on the table beside your bed, scrambling to shove your pants and ruined panties off and onto the floor.

once free, you pick up your phone and turn off the speaker, holding it to your ear with shaky hands.

“all ready now?” he asks softly, and it reminds you of what he used to say before you’d play pretend games together. always making sure you were ready. he was hot back then, too, and you mentally curse yourself for never realizing it sooner.

you hum. “mhm. comfortable.”

“good,” he says, and you can almost hear him smiling. “go ahead and do whatever you’d like. but i want you to tell me what you’re thinking about right now.”

you squirm a little on the bed as you start to circle your clit with your fingers. “thinking about you, joshua,” you sigh, finally beginning to feel relief.

“yeah?”

“yeah. you look even better than i thought you would,” you groan, picking up your pace a little as you slip your index finger inside your walls.

he chuckles. “oh, really?”

“mhm. god, i never thought i’d be doing this. especially not with you.”

“and why is that, baby?”

the name makes you shiver. you’d imagined him calling you it many times, but hearing him actually say it is completely different.

“because—” you whimper, losing your train of thought when your brain suddenly pictures his fingers inside you instead of your own. “i’m so close already, please—”

his tone is gentle but firm. “i want you to stop now.”

“but– ah, feels so good, shua,” you say, moans spilling out of you, finally letting him hear everything you’ve been holding back.

you hear him curse in that low voice through the phone, and your hand stills for a split second in shock, your eyes widening. as far as you knew, he never swore. but then again, there were a lot of things he never did that you're discovering about him now. looks like you weren’t the only one who changed over the years.

“that’s not my name.”

you sit up a little in confusion, pushing your phone closer to your ear to make sure you’re hearing him right. “huh?”

“my name is joshua. if you’re gonna moan like a sinner about how good it feels when i tell you how to touch yourself, you better use my name properly.” he sounds almost angry, but it only spurs you on even further.

you let his words sink for a second before responding. “yes, sir.”

“fuck,” he moans, he actually moans, and if you weren’t already so far gone you would’ve stopped to listen closer, to ingrain the noise in your brain so you never again forget how he sounds. “what did i just tell you?”

“what, you don’t like being called ‘sir’? thought you wanted to be a pastor, joshua,” you say with a smirk, and you know he hears the mischief in your voice, daring him to give you what you want.

it’s probably a good thing he’s not physically in the room with you, because there's no way you would have been able to muster up the courage to say something like that to his face. you wouldn’t have dared to even look him in the eyes, but being on the phone gives you a head rush. because with only his voice and not seeing his face, you can convince yourself that he still isn’t real, that this whole phone call and even your meeting earlier had just been an elaborate figment of your horny imagination, your denial being the only thing saving your last shred of dignity.

“didn’t realize you’d grow up to be even more of a brat than you were before,” he scoffs, and your cunt pulses. 

“what are you doing right now?” you say, a little desperately. the change of subject isn’t very subtle but you don’t care. you won’t lie, you’ve been curious since the start of what he’s doing but he’s been so focused on you he hasn’t said anything about himself. you want to know everything about him— how he’s moving his hands, where he puts pressure, what he thinks about to get himself closer and closer.

he grunts unceremoniously. “i’m fucking my hand and pretending it’s you.”

“me too,” you whimper, closing your eyes as you focus on the movement of your fingers.

after a while he stops responding, and you can hear his heavy breaths over the line matching with your own gasps for air as you curl your fingers inside of you. you figure he must be getting close, but you ask him anyway, because you want to hear him say it.

“yeah– fuck, so close,” he chokes out, and the way his voice gets higher as he lets out a whimper is what finally makes you come undone.

with a moan of his name—his full name—you cum, clenching around your fingers as you struggle to keep your hand moving. your wrist is starting to cramp up a little from the position you’ve been in, but the pleasure coursing through you is more than worth it. it’s almost dizzying, more powerful than any orgasm you’ve had before and when you finally remove your fingers from your aching cunt your head is spinning and your heart is pounding.

you can hear a muffled string of curses through the phone and you know he’s right behind you. thoughts of him sitting on his bed run rampant in your head, imagining his stomach covered in milky cum and his pretty, pretty lips parted as he catches his breath.

the silence is heavy as you feel yourself come back down from your high. you struggle to find something to say after… whatever that just was, so you say the only thing that’s on your mind.

“i really did miss you, joshua,” you say quietly. unlike before, there’s not a hint of teasing in the way you say his name now.

and he sighs contentedly, finally hearing his name on your lips like he always wanted to. “i know. i missed you too.”

you both say your goodbyes and good nights quickly, still basking in enough of the remnants of your orgasms to not be too awkward about it. but after you’re settled in bed (for real, this time) and about to fall asleep, you can’t help but wonder if things between you and joshua will ever be anything but awkward.

a memory surfaces: you and joshua running around at the park behind the church after a sunday evening service, no older than kindergarteners, laughing and playing until you collapse on the grass. your mom called for you both to get ready to go home, and no you’re not allowed to have a sleepover because it’s a school night but maybe this weekend if his mom is okay with it. before you ran off, he thrust his pinky out towards you and you shook on it, making a pact to always be best friends, even when you can’t have sleepovers. it didn’t ever occur to either of you that there might come a day where you wouldn’t be best friends.

you don’t remember what prompted him to make the pinky promise, but you know he’s never broken it. and you can only hope that he hasn’t forgotten it.

it’s a few days later at one of your bible study groups when you see him next, and yet again you’re caught off-guard like a deer in headlights.

you’re sitting with a group of other ladies, annotating material for a test you couldn’t care less about when you hear your name called out– a familiar deep voice you can only pray doesn’t belong to who you think it belongs to.

oh, but it does belong to him, alright. it feels like you’ve gotten the wind knocked out of you when you turn around and see joshua standing behind you, a warm smile on his face that makes you doubt anything ever happened. maybe it really was all just a delirious dream, too many years of yearning built up into one intense wet dream.

he puts a hand on your shoulder lightly, turning you away from the rest of the ladies. “hey, can we talk somewhere?”

and oh shit it was definitely not a dream.

your cheeks burn as you excuse yourself from the table, packing up your bible and pens and shoving everything in your bag as quickly as you can. you can almost hear the snickering already, the gossips whispering to each other that you must have done something unspeakable if the top-student, pastor’s son, joshua hong has to speak with you privately. ah, if only they knew.

you only wish you could go back there and wipe the smirks off of all their faces and tell them about what the perfect little gentlemen they all pretend they don’t have crushes on was doing on the phone with you last night. you wouldn’t do that, not in a million years, but just the thought of it is satisfaction enough. 

joshua leads you down the hall to a room that looks like an empty office. he opens the door for you, then closes it softly behind you.

“whose is this?” you ask, glancing around the room. 

“it’s… mine,” he says almost shyly, gesturing idly to a little engraved nameplate on the desk. joshua hong, pastor’s assistant. because of fucking course he would be.

“oh.”

he clears his throat, and in that moment you realize he’s just as nervous as you are. “listen…” he starts, taking a pause. “about the other night–”

“are you gonna kick me out?” you interrupt.

his brows knit together in confusion. “what?”

“are you gonna expel me?”

“no?” he says, still looking at you, baffled. “why would i do that? i don’t even think i have the power to, even if i wanted. which, for the record, i don’t.”

you don’t reply, focusing your gaze on the carpet instead.

he frowns. “is that really how you think of me? that i just go around tattling to my dad? from that… conversation, i thought it was clear i’m not like that anymore.”

the tips of your ears are burning at the memory of all the things you said to each other over the phone. but it never occurred to you that maybe he was just as sinful as you had been.

you stay quiet, the silence stretching on as shame and embarrassment and a hundred other emotions swirl in your mind and you struggle to figure out what to say.

luckily for you he fills the silence himself. he exhales, looking down at a stack of papers on the desk. “god, you… you don’t know how much i missed you. i thought about you all the time.”

“so did i,” you manage to whisper. “in more ways than you know.”

he gives you a teasing smile. “oh, i have a feeling i do know.”

you hold back a cough and look away, focusing your attention on a painting of flowers on the wall. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“if that’s how you wanna play this, fine.”

your curiosity piques, and you look back at him. he motions to the seat in front of the desk, wordlessly asking you to sit. hesitantly you do, and he starts to sit down at the swivel chair behind the desk, but you clear your throat and he glances up.

“can– can you not sit over there?” you ask softly. “feels like i’m being scolded.”

his expression softens a little, and he rolls the chair back into place, opting to sit next to you instead. “of course.”

except maybe you shouldn’t have asked him to do that, because now he’s sitting toe to toe with you and the closeness is overwhelming. at least on the other side of the desk there was enough distance for you to shrink and hide behind, but here, sitting like this, he can see all of you. and you don’t particularly want to be seen right now.

the tension is palpable as he takes his seat, still watching you. you take the moment to study his features: the slope of his nose and the gentle curve of his lips, the way the light catches on his long eyelashes and the way his broad shoulders look in that perfectly tailored sunday morning service suit.

“i always liked you,” he starts, and your gaze shoots up to his eyes. you open your mouth to ask something, but he shakes his head and you immediately fall silent, letting him finish. “i was almost glad when they made us go to different sunday school classes, because i wouldn’t have to sit there and pretend i didn’t have the craziest crush on you.”

“joshua, i–” you trail off, not even knowing what to say.

he pauses, as if debating his next words. “and i know it’s wrong, but i couldn’t get you out of my head when i… y’know.” his cheeks are flushed but he doesn’t look away from you, eyes searching your own for any hesitance or any sign that you don’t want this.

it’s then that you realize that the boldness you had felt hiding behind your phone, he had felt it too. saying words alone in your room at night was easy. sitting in public, in the daylight, and saying those same words to his face was so much scarier. and knowing that you’re both feeling awkward and shy and a little uncertain of how to talk about it gives you the confidence to keep going.

“when you would what?” you pry. you already know the answer but you want to hear it come out of his mouth anyway. you’ve already heard him say it, but something about sitting in his office, in a church, speaking such filth ignites a spark in you that’s completely different from the spark you felt a few nights ago.

he clears his throat and looks you in the eye, maybe gaining a little bit of that confidence, too. “when i would jerk off i would always wish it was your sweet little mouth instead of my own hand.”

you inhale sharply, and that’s when he finally breaks eye contact, his guilt-ridden gaze shifting to the wall behind you as his cheeks burn redder. “i didn’t feel good about it. felt like i was doing it without your permission, and i didn’t want that. i–”

“yes,” you say hurriedly.

he stops short at your interruption, instantly looking back at you. “yes…?”

“yes, you have my permission. whatever you want, joshua, always.”

his eyes narrow, almost imperceptibly, but you recognize it. even after all these years, after so much has changed, you still know his tells. you wonder if he still knows yours.

he murmurs your name in response, almost like a warning. “don’t say stuff like that,” he says, letting out a shaky breath.

“why not?” you ask, feigning innocence. but you know exactly what you’re doing, and you know exactly how you affect him: the same way he affects you.

he looks up at you. “you really are just as much of a brat as you were back then, aren’t you?” he says with just a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“why don’t you find out?”

he groans, leaning back in his chair. “do you know how long i’ve wanted to kiss you?” he says finally.

“probably just as long as i’ve wanted to kiss you,” you counter, and he raises an eyebrow.

you both stand up at the same moment, closing the distance in less than a second. 

you stare at his chest in front of you to avoid his eyes, until he brings up a hand and gently tilts your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“are– you gonna get in trouble?” you breathe, heartbeat pounding in your ears as you stare at his perfect, perfect lips.

he hums, and it sends a shiver down your spine at the close proximity. “are you still giving me permission?” he asks, and you quickly shake your head yes. 

“always.”

he smooths his thumb across your cheek. “then i won’t be in any trouble at all."

and then his hand moves to hold the back of your neck and he's tilting his head and bringing his lips towards yours and then finally, after years of dreaming about it and even more years of denying it, you're finally kissing joshua and there's so many things happening at once that you can't seem to focus on anything because your mind is so full of everything and nothing and joshua and it all just feels so right.

you’re melting in his arms and falling into his touch and enjoying every fucking second of it. your heart speeds up when his hands slide behind your back, wrapping around your body to pull you closer to him, pressed chest to chest.

he pulls away to kiss you again, and again, and again, and you decide you’d be content to be like this forever, standing in his office in the church building making out like you’re the only two people on earth. 

but finally his lips leave yours, and he takes a tiny step backwards, heaving out a shaky breath as he looks you in the eyes. “what are we gonna do now?”

your heart plummets, doubts racing through your mind. did he not like it? does he not like you? did you really just ruin everything? why did he stop? why did he ask that—

but all your questions are answered in an instant when he coughs and you look down, finally noticing the prominent bulge in his dress pants. oh. that.

when you look back up at him his cheeks are flushed bright red, and he immediately begins to apologize.

“shua,” you call out to him, repeating his name the way you know he likes. “joshua. don’t worry about it. it’s fine.”

in fact, you find it incredibly flattering, that just a few kisses and gentle touches could get him this worked up. maybe it really has been you all along.

with a surge of confidence, you step back towards him, wrapping your arms around him and leaning to kiss him. “are you busy today?” you murmur, your cheek brushing against his.

he shudders, hands automatically finding your waist and pushing your hips against his own. “no. are you?”

you sigh, kissing the corner of his mouth. “not anymore.”

“fuck,” he curses, his grip on your body tightening “you really want to…?” he asks, almost shyly, as if he’s in denial this is really happening.

“absolutely,” you say, and you’ve never meant anything more in your life.

in a second he’s got you shoved against his desk, sending papers flying to the floor as he lifts you by your ass to sit you down on top of it. your kisses turn rougher and needier, your hands grabbing at anything you can reach to ground yourself: his hair, his shoulders, his back.

finally he breaks free, dropping to his knees in front of the desk. “please, let me eat you out.”

you moan out loud, probably too loudly for the thin walls of the office. but the visual of him on his knees to do anything other than pray drives you mad, and you need more of him, desperately. “joshua, please.”

he pushes your skirt up your thighs, moving it out of his way so he can stare eye to eye with your pussy. you whimper and instinctively try to hide your face in embarrassment, but something tells you he wouldn’t like that, so you resist, keeping your hands firmly planted on the edge of the desk.

“fuck, you’re soaking,” he says, his voice broken. “you’re so perfect.”

his hands reach up to tug at the hem of your underwear, and he looks up at you, silently asking for permission to continue. you nod eagerly, lifting your hips off the desk so he can slide them off of you, revealing your glistening entrance.

he whines at the sight, pretty lips parted in shock? awe? as if he can’t wait to taste you. he pushes his face into your pussy, gently at first, but when you moan and bring your hand up to his hair he dives deeper.

the moment he attaches his mouth to your clit, you jump, gasping as you try to shut your legs around his head but his large hands keep you held open. his tongue explores every inch of you, moving back and forth, up and down, mapping out your cunt with his mouth. 

“fuck, never dreamed you’d taste so good,” he sighs against your pussy, leaning away to take a breath after what feels like forever.

your legs are shaking and your cunt is throbbing as you also try to catch your breath. you’re not used to being touched like this and you’re definitely not used to being touched by joshua. so many thoughts running through your head and not a single one of them coherent enough to put into words. all you can do is weakly whine out joshua’s name and tug on his hair, pleading for him to keep going. you need release, and you don’t want it from anyone but him.

he stands up, his pants wrinkled from kneeling on the floor but still tented with a bulge so uncomfortably large you feel dizzy just thinking about it. you don’t even know if he’s going to fuck you or even if he wants to, but god you want to see his cock so bad. too many restless nights spent thinking about it, and now you might finally have the chance to see it in front of your face.

your mouth waters at the thought, and you start to slide off the desk, but joshua stops you. “what are you…?”

you look up at him, eyes blown wide with lust and you don’t even attempt to hide your eagerness. “please let me suck your dick. joshua, please.”

he whines, running a hand through his hair. “god, i want that so bad, but… i don’t think i can last if you do, and i was really hoping to fuck you.”

you close your eyes and roll your head back, moaning at his vulgar confession. but he sighs, and he sounds almost defeated, and you look back at him quickly, afraid he’s suddenly changed his mind.

“i’m not—prepared,” he admits, and you tilt your head in confusion before it sinks in what he means.

“ah. don’t suppose you would have any condoms lying around, would you, mr. pastor’s assistant?” you ask playfully, and he shoots you a glare.

“brat,” he mutters under his breath, but you hear it, and your walls clench in response. “no, i don’t have any. not interested in anybody else, so… no reason to.” he looks like he has more to say, more serious things to say, but he keeps his mouth shut, his eyes searching your face nervously.

your stomach flips at his words, feeling your cheeks heating up. you hadn’t thought you would ever get this far, and especially not with him. because of the kind of school you were at, it wasn’t like the people here were doing the kind of things you’ve been doing—at least not publicly. even if you’d wanted to hook up with somebody (which you didn’t), everyone in your vicinity would shame you for even bringing it up. you may have experience with yourself, but anything with anyone else is completely new territory for you.

you fall silent, not sure how to continue the conversation as all your newfound confidence begins to crumble. what were you thinking? caught up in the heat of the moment, saying things you weren’t sure you meant. you were in love with him: that much you were sure of. but everything that comes after that is too new, too scary, at least for right now. you can barely even comprehend that he just went down on you, but you know you enjoyed it and honestly, you’d give anything for him to do it again. but there’s too much going on inside your head for you to even begin to process that right now.

he calls your name and you blink, looking back at him anxiously. “we… don’t have to. right now, or even at all,” he says gently. the tips of his ears are burning red but his voice is calm and steady.

“joshua, i want to,” you start, clasping your hands tightly together in your lap to give you something to focus on other than the way he’s watching you so intently. “but i– don’t know how.”

“neither do i, baby,” he says. the nickname makes you shiver; even though it’s not the first time he’s called you that, especially after the other night, you’re still not used to it. but somehow it’s comforting, and it makes you relax knowing that he’s still the same person you grew up with, the same person that knows almost everything about you. you’ve both changed so much, but deep down you haven’t changed at all.

he pauses when you don’t say anything back. “we’ll wait, then,” he says and wraps his arms around you, lightly at first but then squeezing when you don’t try to pull away. “we have all the time in the world. no need to rush.”

“we… do?” your voice is laced with uncertainty.

he smiles. “of course. i let you go once already, i’m not letting it happen again. never again.”

you turn your head away from him and hide your face, flustered by how sincere he sounds. he hums, and you can hear the pout in his tone so you fight your embarrassment and turn back towards him to ask the question that’s been weighing on your mind since you first saw him days ago. “this is gonna sound so stupid, but… shua, what are we?”

first you were childhood friends, you were best friends, and then you were nothing. right place, wrong time? and then you were… doing something on the phone together, whatever you could call that. and now you were just sitting on top of his desk, sweating from having almost had sex. how do you even begin to put a label on this?

“well, i’d like to be yours,” he says shyly, and just like that all your questions are answered with six small words. you realize it doesn’t matter what label you have; as long as you have him, that’s all that matters.

“yes,” you breathe, lifting your eyes to finally meet his and you see all the love in his eyes threatening to spill over.

he reaches up to brush a piece of your hair out of your face. “i’m just glad i finally have you back,” he says with a soft smile as he watches you. “we’ll go slow, we’ll wait— whatever you want. whatever it takes not to lose you again.”

you bury your face in his chest with a whine. you’re hiding again, but even the uncomfortable scratchiness of his dress shirt can’t pull you away from him.

“besides, i don’t want our first time together to be in my stupid little office,” he chuckles and holds you tighter against him, pressing a kiss to the top of your head that makes your heart flutter. “you deserve better than that.”

you stay there for a long moment, hugging him like it's the last time you'll ever see him. but this time you know it won't be the last. it's the first, the first of hopefully many, many more.

when you feel like you've been standing there too long, you clear your throat and lean your head back to look at him. "so, um… now what?"

he pauses, those pretty lips turned up in a smile. "do you have plans for lunch?"

"no, i just had that study group you pulled me from. i'm free for the rest of the day."

his smile widens. "perfect. you still like grilled cheese, or did you grow out of that, too?"

you laugh, putting your chin on his shoulder as you hug him. "i haven't changed that much, shua."

after taking a while to collect yourselves (waiting for his erection to go back down so you can leave together without looking suspicious), you walk out of joshua’s office the happiest you've felt in years.

he'd wanted to hold your hand, too, but you were still anxious about anyone seeing you together that you'd refused him until you made it to his car. you were probably just being paranoid and no one would care about two responsible adults talking to each other, but all the time you'd spent hiding from your peers had put you on edge.

so, it wasn't until you were safely out of the church parking lot and in the driveway of his apartment complex that you let him touch you, kissing you over the cupholders with his hands gently holding your neck.

it took everything in you not to climb over the center console and sit on his lap in the driver's seat and kiss him as hard and as deeply as you really wanted, but you knew once you started you wouldn't be able to stop. and besides, he still didn't have any condoms. it didn't bother you either way, since you'd been taking birth control since high school to help with your periods, but if it was what he wanted you'd be more than fine with it.

you don't know what you'd been expecting the inside his apartment to look like; probably some tacky cross-stitch bible verses or a wooden cross hanging on the wall, but his apartment just looked like… a normal apartment. a very clean apartment, actually, though you weren't surprised. he'd always been a neat, organized kid, and it looked like that was one thing he hadn't grow out of.

you watch as he puts his keys on a hook by the door, following him into the kitchen and sitting at one of the chairs.

he grins at you as he opens his refrigerator, pulling out the ingredients for your lunch before taking out a pan.

"shua…" you interrupt him, standing up and walking towards him slowly. "you're not— really thinking about grilled cheese sandwiches right now, are you?"

he hums, eyes following your every movement as the pan sits cold and abandoned on the stove. "there are… other things on my mind, yeah."

"so why are you still trying to make grilled cheese sandwiches?"

by now you're close enough to stand toe to toe with him, and you're sure he can feel the heat radiating off your body when he wraps his hands around your waist, backing you against the kitchen counter. "because i wanna make you lunch. maybe i just wanna spoil my girl a little bit."

a shiver runs down your spine at the new name he calls you. never in a million years did you think this is where you'd end up.

"i think you have all the time in the world to spoil me later, joshua," you mumble, leaning in closer and closer until your lips touch.

in a flash he's hoisting you up and sitting you on the counter. his mouth never leaves yours as you slide your legs around his hips to drag him closer, kisses growing deeper and more desperate now that you can finally be alone together.

his hands slide down your body, tugging at the hem of your shirt and only breaking apart for a second to slide it over your head before his lips are crashing against yours again. 

your hands find his hips, experimentally tugging on his belt to see his reaction. immediately he pulls away from you, 

cheeks flushed and breathing heavily. "sweetheart, i still don't have any condoms. if you really want to now, then we gotta run to the store first."

“i’m on the pill,” you burst out, hoping he gets the message. maybe he has some other reason for wanting to, but you're too impatient to wait for who knows how long it'll take to go to the store, and you don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off him for that long. you don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off of him for even a few seconds.

his face goes blank as he processes your words, struggling to understand if you’re saying what he thinks you’re saying. “you’d let me…?”

you grab onto his arms, a desperate attempt to pull him closer, to feel more of him. “raw, yes, joshua. just—please, i need you,” you beg him, cunt throbbing with neglect as you wait for him to answer. 

he buries his face in your shoulder with a groan, gripping his hands underneath your thighs and sliding you off the counter.

with a shriek you wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, holding on tightly as he starts to walk out of the kitchen carrying you. "joshua! what the hell are you doing?"

his face is still pressed against your shoulder, and you can feel his lips tickling your bare skin as he speaks. "i'll fuck you on my kitchen counter any day of the week, baby, but i want to have you for the first time in my bed, please?"

his voice is low and whiny, just as desperate for you as you are for him and it makes you moan with excitement. 

he finds his way into his room, stumbling a little when he accidentally runs you into the wall instead of through the doorway, but you just giggle and kiss him harder until he finally drops you on his bed, immediately unbuttoning his shirt.

you run your hands along his chest as he leans over you, feeling the toned muscle that feels almost wrong to be seeing. his physical changes are much more obvious to you now that he's like this, and you know the image will fuel your fantasies for weeks.

your hands move to his belt again and this time he allows it, letting you unbuckle it and toss it away before slowly lowering the zipper. he's already hard again, and your heart races when you put a little bit of pressure on the seam and he lets out a guttural groan in response.

his arms flex as he reaches down to slide your skirt off, and you help him and kick the fabric away, leaving both of you in nothing but your underwear.

joshua pauses, letting his gaze wander your body as you look away shyly. he hums and you look back at him in confusion. "don't hide from me, sweetheart, please," he says, but it comes out more like a whine; not like he's asking, but like he's begging. it's honestly the hottest thing you've ever heard, and even with your nerves he makes it hard to resist.

"dreamt about this for fucking years. years," he moans as he leans over to kiss your chest, reaching behind your body to undo your bra and let it fall away. you whimper when he brings his hands up to cup your breasts, wrapping his mouth around one of your nipples as he starts to slowly grind against your clothed pussy. you can already feel yourself soaking through your panties, and you're sure he can feel it, too.

his hands are like nothing you've ever felt, and you roll your head back against his pillows, arching into him as he massages your breasts with his large hands. you'd noticed them before, but you hadn't realized just how big they were until they were on top of you and made your body seem almost tiny beneath his massive palms.

"shua…" you breathe, tentative hands reaching up to touch his shoulders.

he looks up at you, mouth covered in spit. "yes, angel?"

you whimper at the nickname. no angel you'd ever learned about in sunday school had acted like you are right now, begging a man to fuck you. and on top of that it was before marriage, too; surely if there was a god they would be extremely disappointed in you. but right now you didn't care if the entire universe was disappointed in you, as long as joshua hong wasn't.

it takes you a few more seconds to build up your courage, but finally you open your mouth and tell him, "joshua, please— fuck me."

he slides forward to kiss you again, before sitting back and repositioning himself between your legs. "anything you want, sweetheart."

he lines his cock up at your entrance, and just before you think he's about to push into you, he looks up at you instead. 

"i love you, so much," he says, and you have to fight the urge to hide your face as you grin and giggle like a fucking schoolgirl; like the past version of you would have, if she'd had any sense and figured everything out sooner.

and, like always, he asks, "ready?", and you nod, and it's better than you could've ever imagined.

the whines that leave his mouth drive you close to the edge already as he begins to thrust into you, slowly, gently, just a little bit at a time but it still leaves you gasping from his size.

he keeps moving at a snail's pace until you reach up, fumbling to grab at his bicep as tears nearly spill out of your eyes and beg him, "joshua, more, please."

he leans over you, pressing his body flat against yours as he starts to rock his hips faster, and you cry out from so much pleasure and so much emotion hitting all at once.

"wanted you so fucking bad, for so long, and now you're finally here," he whispers, his thrusts never faltering despite how close in proximity he is to your face.

you whine as your hands claw at his back, digging in as you struggle to hold on and he curses again, pushing into you harder.

"you said i was better than you imagined," he groans, one hand coming up to caress your cheek. "but you're even better than i imagined. you're a fucking angel, so fucking beautiful."

you gasp his name, falling into your orgasm from his words alone as you clench impossibly tight around him. you always thought of him as the nice kid, the rule follower, but here he is, fucking you through the hardest orgasm of your life and saying such filthy things in between praises and compliments.

"jo-oshua, please!" is all you can manage, still struggling to recover before he crests into his own high with a whimper. his eyes scrunch up as he releases inside you, eyelashes fluttering and sweat dripping down his temples, and you think it's the most beautiful sight you've ever seen. 

a constant stream of curses fall from his lips and you swallow them with yours, kissing him as if you're afraid he might disappear into thin air if you don't hold onto him tight enough.

his breaths are shallow when his mouth falls away from you, resting his forehead on your shoulder with a long exhale.

"god…" he starts, then stops and laughs, and you have to tug on his hair to make him face you again.

"what are you laughing at?" you say, cheeks growing hot when he looks at you with droopy, hooded eyes and a lopsided smile.

"nothing," he laughs. "just god. what a funny word."

"and why is that, baby?" you say as you try to hold back a smile, testing out the nickname.

he grins. "because it gave me you. or maybe it didn't. who knows?"

you finally laugh along with him, remembering what he'd said to you on the phone that feels like years ago. "don’t you know it’s a sin to take the lord’s name in vain, sweetheart?”

the church is humming with activity as you make your way to the front pew, carrying two donuts in your hand. people greet you as they mingle about the hall, talking and laughing. some wave excitedly when they see you, others simply smile and offer their hand for you to shake with a friendly “good morning and god bless!”

being a pastor’s wife isn’t something you ever imagined yourself doing, but then again, a lot of things in your life you never imagined doing. you never imagined seeing joshua again, and you never imagined marrying him, either. you certainly didn’t imagine taking over your father-in-law’s church when he retired and decided it was time for joshua to take his place as head of the church. you always knew he would someday, whether he wanted to or not, but you’d be happy to spend the rest of your life by his side no matter where he was or what job he had.

you’d been almost nervous when you decided it was finally time to tell your parents you had been seeing each other, but to your surprise they had been overjoyed at the news. both his family and yours were “just so glad when it happened to be you!”, saying things like “we’d always known it would happen, back since you were children!”, and “so when are we going to get some beautiful little grandchildren to take to sunday school!”

it had been five long and happy years since that very first phone call, and every minute you spend with joshua has been the best of your life.

you walk up the steps to the stage where your husband is waiting, flipping through his notes for the morning’s sermon. you hand him his donut with a grin, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. he smirks at you, imperceptible to everyone else but you can tell what it truly means.

everybody in the congregation always talks you’re the perfect example of a happy, god-loving couple. such nice looking people, so well put together. but behind closed doors, they’d be horrified by the things you say and do together. wolf in sheep’s clothing, as is your husband’s favorite parable to preach.

it’s not the life you imagined, but it’s perfect to you and him.

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good god

Virgin Killer

❝ You can’t stand the clear line the cute nerd in your calculus class always draws between you two. However, you’re determined to show him that there’s a fine line between love and hate. And if you happen to get him to cross that line, even better. ❞

pairing: joshua hong x reader

warnings: cheerleader!reader, nerd!shua, virgin!shua, he’s kinda cold in this but is lowkey still a soft boi, drinking, teasing, jealousy, reader has a little bit of a corruption kink, loss of virginity, oral sex (f and m receiving), unprotected sex, riding, multiple creampies, overstimulation

read part two

a/n: huge shout out to hoe nonny for being the mastermind behind this fic! minors dni!!

You’re not sure how it happened.

It’s not like Joshua Hong was nice to you. Hell, he didn’t even act civilly towards you half the time. And yet, none of that matters to you. He’s just so cute and kind (to other people) and smart that you can’t help but be attracted to him. Deep down, you’re aware that what you feel is starting to go beyond that of a crush, but your carnal desire is enough to make you disregard the potential consequences of your feelings.

Nothing matters more to you than having that cute little nerd in the way you want.

“What do you mean he’s not coming?” You frown at Jeonghan.

Your friend rolls his eyes. “I don’t know what you were expecting. You know he doesn’t like you.”

“But you promised you would convince him to go!” You stomp your foot petulantly. “You said it would be my birthday gift.”

“I’ll just get you that perfume you’ve been wanting instead.”

You try not to let it bother you, but it’s hard not to. Most people take a liking to you, and yeah, it’s not realistic to expect everyone to like you. But you can’t help the jarring disappointment that eats away at you whenever you think about how much Josh dislikes you. What bothers you the most is that he has no legitimate reason to treat you how he does. All you’ve ever been is nice to him.

It’s pathetic of you to still chase after him despite his blatant disinterest and cold attitude, but you don’t care. You’ve never wanted anything or anyone as badly as you want Joshua Hong.

The very next day, you go to the library with the intent to convince him to go to your party. You know he’ll be at his usual table in the corner of the library, studying diligently like he always does. Josh always sticks to his routine—one of the many traits you love about him. A warm feeling consumes your chest when you find him in the exact spot he’s always at.

“Josh!” You call quietly, smiling brightly when he lifts his head.

Ignoring the way he rolls his eyes, you walk over to him, feeling more determined than ever. He doesn’t look up even as you sit next to him. It’s frustrating yet endearing all at the same time.

“What are you working on?” You peer over him curiously.

“Science stuff.” He says curtly. “Things you wouldn’t know about.”

You ignore his dig and let out a gentle hum. “You’re right. Molecular biology doesn’t really interest me. Data structures are more my thing.”

When he snaps his head up at you in shock, you smirk at him. “Sorry. I guess that’s something you wouldn’t know about.”

In all the time he’s known you, he never knew your major. All he knew was that you were on a cheer scholarship. Honestly, he assumed that you were majoring in something that required no real effort. Josh quickly manages to stifle his curiosity and goes back to his research.

“You’re always studying.” You point out, not wanting to waste any more time. “It’s okay to take a break once in a while.”

Joshua presses his lips together before letting out an irritated sigh. “Unlike you, I can’t rely on looking pretty to get through college. I don’t have time for breaks.”

Your smile doesn’t falter at his words, and it amazes Josh how you never take his biting comments personally. In fact, you somehow take his slight as a compliment. “So, you think I’m pretty?”

Despite you not being the type of girl he likes, Josh can’t deny that you’re very attractive. But that doesn’t mean he wants you for himself.

His lack of response doesn't faze you, as usual. “And I seriously doubt that you don’t have time for a break. All the other biochem majors do. They’re all coming to my party this weekend. You should too.”

He ignores the fact that you’ve invited practically all of his friends. “No, thanks.”

Joshua keeps his focus on studying, and as sexy as he looks, it’s also a bit maddening. How can he not want to party with you when everyone on campus was dying for the opportunity? You weren’t vain, but you knew the affect you had on most people. Plus your parties were nothing short of legendary.

“Why don’t you want to come?” You ask him. An unconscious pout brings down the edges of your lips. “I really want you to be there.”

“We’re not friends.” He reminds you. “Why would I go to your party?”

Vaguely, you think it’s sick that you don’t feel deterred by his coldness. If anything, you only feel more determined to ensnare him and make him yours. Only yours.

“Do you not want to come because it’s my party?” You wonder as you scoot closer to him. A smirk lift your lips when he tenses at the close proximity. “Or is it because you just don’t know how to have fun?”

Josh grits his teeth, but doesn’t answer.

It makes you smirk because you can tell he’s on the verge of snapping. Maybe to the point where he’ll fuck you stupid in the library’s bathroom.

“Come on.” You whine, hooking your hand on his arm. It actually surprises you that you feel a bit of muscle through his sweater. “It’ll be fun. You don’t always have to spend your time studying. There’s more to life than just school.”

The last part of your sentence finally triggers a reaction. Josh can handle you clinging to him for no apparent reason. He can even handle your constant teasing, but to have you imply that he’s a straight up lame is—

“Fine. I’ll go.”

He belatedly realizes you’ve gaslit him into doing what you wanted only after you direct your pleased grin at him. However, it’s so pretty that he can’t really be angry.

“Promise?”

Josh actually smiles a little when you stick your pinky out at him. It’s stupid and childish. At least, that’s what he tries to tell himself as you’re looking at him with those alluring eyes of yours. He feels like he doesn’t have control of his own movements as he sticks out his hand to wrap his pinky around your smaller one.

“I promise.”

It’s crazy for Josh to be doing this. He doesn’t even like you. You’re no friend of his, and you probably will never be. There’s no real explanation as to why he agreed to come (you manipulating him doesn’t really count because you’ve annoyed him more intensely in the past), but it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s here, and he has to see it through.

When he knocks on the door, he’s greeted by a large jock whose name he can’t remember. The guy squints at him like he’s trying to figure out how Josh even knew about the party. Typical. This was just another sign that he shouldn’t have shown up.

“Sorry, bro.” The jock says, not sounding sorry at all. “This is a private party. No invite, no—”

“Gyu!” A familiar voice calls, and Josh hates that the sound of it actually makes him feel relieved. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Josh is the guest of honor!”

He’s actually impressed at how easily you shove the giant football player out of the way. Your thrilled expression makes a strange feeling settle in the pit of his stomach. As always, you look incredible. The dress you’re wearing hugs your figure just right. It makes you look like every man’s fantasy. (Not his, though.)

“You came!” You squeal happily, throwing your arms around him.

The smell of your perfume invades his senses and makes his mind feel fuzzy. Just like in the library, he feels like he has no control over his actions as he wraps his arms around your waist and squeezes you against him.

“How is he the guest of honor if this is your birthday party?” Venom drips from Mingyu’s voice.

You pull back slightly and look over your shoulder with a glare. “He’s the guest of honor because I say he is.”

Your arms are still wrapped around Josh’s neck and his are still wrapped around your waist. Neither of you make a move to let go. Admittedly, part of him doesn’t because of the way you responded to your friend. He’s not sure why it made him feel good, but it did. That feeling doesn’t go away even when you unwrap yourself from him to grab his hand.

“Nice to meet you.” Josh smirks at Mingyu as he lets you drag him inside. A deep satisfaction settles in his gut when the jock glares at him.

Josh isn’t used to the attention he’s getting while you guide him through your crowded apartment. It’s new and uncomfortable for him. He’s gone through the majority of his college years unnoticed, and that’s how he liked it.

He notices that you don’t seem fazed by all the attention. It’s not exactly a surprise. As a pretty cheerleader, you’re popular—obviously. In fact, a lot of his own friends have mentioned that they’d do just about anything to date you. He can see that it’s the same for a lot of guys because more than half of them are glaring at him with pure jealousy.

It’s not like he’s a self-deprecating person, but he can’t help but wonder why you were so adamant on pursuing him. Clearly, there’s more than plenty of guys who were eager for your attention, but all you seemed to care about was spending your time with him.

He still can’t believe it.

“What do you like to drink?” You ask once you two enter the kitchen.

“Uh,” he stammers, not ready for the loss of warmth that he feels when you let go of his hand. “Just beer is fine.”

Josh isn’t a heavy drinker, but he feels the urge to get drunk quickly. He naively thinks it’ll help dissolve the nerves that have settled in the pit of his stomach. He’s wrong. The alcohol doesn’t help, especially not when you leave his side for a moment to say greet someone of your friends. You make him promise not to leave, and he reluctantly does.

“I didn’t think you’d actually come.”

Jeonghan is looking at him with a raised eyebrow and a sly smirk. Josh rolls his eyes and focuses on finishing the remainder of his beer. It only makes his friend’s teasing grin widen.

“I...” he lets out a defeated sigh. “Needed a break.”

Instead of teasing him, Jeonghan only hums. “Yeah? Are you sure it’s not because you finally fell for Y/N’s charms?”

“She’s not charming.” Joshua says as he goes to grab another drink.

Jeonghan raises his eyebrows at that. It’s the first time he’s heard anyone say anything of the sort. The strange part is that while Josh does sound sincere, there’s something about his demeanor that says otherwise. Interesting.

“Really? I thought she would be especially charming to you with all that science shit she talks about. Do you—?”

“What do you mean?” Josh cuts him off. “She’s into science?”

His friend looks at him like he’s crazy. “Um, yeah. She’s majoring in computer science.”

Josh feels like his head is spinning, and he knows it’s not because of the alcohol. He hardly has time to think about how he’s never bothered to know such a huge fact about you because in the next second, you’re skipping into the kitchen with a huge smile.

When Joshua isn’t looking, you give Jeonghan a look that silently urges him to get lost. As much as you love your friend, this was possibly the only chance you would have where Josh was actually willing to spend time with you. If there was ever an opportunity to get close with him (in more than one way), it was now. You weren’t going to let anything get in the way of that.

After you watch Jeonghan leave, you look back at Josh to find him already looking at you. It’s different from his usual stare, and it makes a carnal heat crawl up your torso.

“You’re a comp science major?”

Josh almost regrets asking his question when your smile falters. Belatedly, he realizes that any time you’re around him, there’s always an unwavering smile on your face. His heart starts beating irregularly. Did you really like him that much?

“You...” It feels like your throat is suddenly closing in on itself. “You didn’t know that?”

The dejected tone coloring your voice only makes things worse. In the back of Josh’s mind, he thinks it shouldn’t matter if the revelation upset you. But it does. It matters way more than it should, and he can’t stand the guilt that’s biting at his chest.

You convince yourself that the alcohol is making you more emotional than usual. The sinking feeling in your chest definitely has nothing to do with the fact that your feelings have gone beyond a stupid little crush. You’ve known all along how Josh feels about you because he never hid it, and no matter how much it stings, you have to ground yourself so too many of your emotions don’t show.

“Sorry.” He says awkwardly. “I guess we were in the middle of talking about me for the last two years.”

It’s a relief when you laugh. Not only because the sound is honeyed and possibly one of the sweetest he’s ever heard, but because you’re directing that pretty smile at him again.

As the night progresses, Josh doesn’t leave your side. He can’t believe you actually don’t leave him alone despite how many people flock around you and try to steal you away. But you insist on staying by him and listen to him talk about structural biology.

Eventually, you drag him to your room so you two can speak without being interrupted. It’s probably a mistake, but Joshua likes the feeling of your hand wrapped around his a little too much.

You two are sitting on the edge of your bed when you notice something. His hands are big, the biggest you’ve ever seen. It’s crazy how you didn’t notice before when you grabbed them, but now it was all you could think about. Suddenly, you feel like your head is swimming, and you’re not sure if it's because of the liquor you’ve drank or because of the thoughts that were starting to make you aroused.

“Your hands are really big.” You blurt, reaching over to grab the one closest to you.

Josh feels like he can’t breathe when you bring his hand closer to your face. The way you’re inspecting it like you want to eat it makes his dick twitch.

“You’re so pretty.”

Your words actually make him blush. The compliment sounds so sincere, and he can tell it is. Before he can even think to respond, you take one of his fingers into your mouth. All coherent thoughts are abruptly shoved out of his mind as your soft tongue circles around his digit. You look so fucking hot with your pretty lips wrapped around his index finger, and Josh can’t think of anything but you.

His cock is straining against his pants, but he’s too enraptured with the sight in front of him to care. Josh can only imagine how you would feel and look with his dick in your mouth. You abruptly release his finger with a loud pop, and it almost makes him whine.

You keep your eyes on his shimmering eyes as you lean toward him. “So fucking pretty.”

He doesn’t stop you when your hand smooths over his chest and slowly trails down his torso. It feels too good. For a second, he wonders if you know that he’s a virgin. Probably not since the way you’re currently looking at him would suggest otherwise. Would you be so eager if you knew the truth?

Josh’s breath hitches when your hand rubs over his erection. He mentally curses himself for being so pathetic to let just a few praises and promiscuous actions get him riled up enough to let you do this. But you just look so fucking pretty that he can’t help it.

He lets you grip and rub him until your hands move to his belt. That action snaps him out of his daze.

“Way-Wait.” Josh breathes out. “I... I’ve never—”

He can’t finish the sentence, but you know what he’s getting at. It doesn’t exactly come as a shock to you. Every time you ever brought up anything sexual he had grown visibly uncomfortable. Over the years, he’d gotten better at hiding it, but you could still see that it bothered him. That’s why you did your best to not mention anything about sex anymore.

It doesn’t surprise Josh when you abruptly pull away from him. He’s known all along what type of girl you were, and obviously you want a guy that's experienced in this sort of thing. Not someone like him.

“It’s okay.” You say softly. “If you don’t want to do this—with me—it’s okay.”

His eyes seem to sparkle even more now, and you can’t believe this unfairly attractive man has never actually done anything. Those eyes could get anyone to do pretty much anything. You knew it better than anyone because you had been dying for the chance.

Josh is too stunned to say anything. Were you really not going to laugh at him?

“We can go back to the party—”

You’re cut off when he suddenly smashes his lips on yours. The kiss is desperate and messy, but you quickly melt into it. To finally have him like this is more than you ever dreamed of, and you would take anything he gave you.

When he pulls away, his cheeks are flushed and his eyes seem to shine brighter than ever. You feel a jerk in your chest, and you fleetingly have a thought that Joshua had officially ruined all other men for you. It’s crazy to think because you know that he doesn't even like you.

“I...” He swallow thickly. “I want to.”

Your breath hitches slightly. “You... You’re sure?”

All it takes is for him to let out a needy yes for your hands to move and unzip his pants. The best part? He lets you. Once you free his cock from his pants, your jaw goes slack. It’s big and thick and pretty. The prettiest dick you’ve ever seen. You lick your lips and look back up at Josh’s flushed face. The sight has your cunt clenching around nothing.

You were going to absolutely ruin him.

You’re torn between looking at his pretty dick and his even prettier face. Eventually, you decide to alternate between the two. Licking your lips, you gently wrap your hand round his thick cock and give it a gentle squeeze. His soft whimper makes you rub your thighs together. The sensitive reaction he has makes you wonder if he’s ever been touched at all.

Slowly, you stroke up the length of his dick. It’s so hot and heavy in your hand that you can only imagine how it would feel inside you. But you push that thought to the back of your mind as you use his precum as a lubricant.

“Fuck.” Josh grunts as his hips buck up gently into your hand. “I-It feels different when you do it.”

You smile at him, watching his face now as to not miss a single one of his reactions. “Yeah? Is it better?”

“So much better.” He moans, tossing his head back.

You’ve never seen a hotter sight, and it takes everything in you not to start kissing up his long neck. The way he’s responding to the attention you’re giving him is driving you crazy. But it would be even better to see him beg you for once.

Josh snaps his eyes open when the pace of your hand slows dramatically. In spite of the situation, you almost laugh when he furrows his eyebrows and pouts at you petulantly. “Please...”

Don’t stop, he wanted to say.

You seemed to understand what he wanted to say, but you only offered him a teasing smirk. Maybe it’s cruel of you to tease Josh, but hearing him beg you for once was the hottest thing ever. You stop your movements and gently squeeze his cock. It takes you by surprise when Josh buries his face in your neck with a bratty whine. Fuck. Now you can literally feel your underwear sticking to your aching cunt.

“You’ve never done this with anyone else?”

His face is hot against your neck, and you can’t deny the pleasure it gives you. “No.”

“So...” you gently run your thumb along one of the more prominent veins of his cock. “No one has ever sucked your dick before?”

He shakes his head into the crook of your neck, and you just know that he probably has the cutest look on his face. You lick your lips and let out a quiet breath because as bad as you want this, you want to make sure he’s okay with anything you do.

“Will you let me be the first?”

You bite your bottom lip when his cock throbs and he lets out a strangled breath. Josh slowly pulls away from your neck and looks at you with hooded eyes. “Fuck yeah.”

Licking your lips, you release him and sink down to your knees. His cock twitches when you start to get closer, and you can't help but smirk. To think that you’ll be the first person to taste him makes you rub your thighs together in anticipation.

You give his weeping tip a gentle kiss you sensually swirl your tongue around to lick him clean. Josh’s reaction is instant. His broken gasp sounds almost cute, and it makes you wrap your lips around him in order to fully take him in your mouth. You loosen your jaw and let your tongue drag along the thick vein on the underside of his cock.

Every whimper and groan of his spurs you on. It has you wrapping your hand around the base of his cock and stroking what doesn’t fit in your mouth. Your other hand reaches for his balls, rolling them and squeezing gently. Joshua whines before it breaks off into a high-pitched moan. Your movements make him buck his hips up into you.

“Fuh-Fuck. Y/N.”

There’s nothing that compares to Josh moaning your name. It makes you bob your head faster until you feel his cock twitch in your mouth. When he whimpers about how close he is, you moan around him. The vibration sends him over the edge. Hot, thick ropes of his cum paint your mouth, and you happily swallow it all.

You slowly release him, eyes widening slightly when you see that he’s still hard. As you go to stand, you feel yourself being pulled on to Josh’s lap. The quiet squeak you let out is stifled when he messily kissed you. All you can do is kiss him back eagerly, gently suckling and biting his lower lip.

When you pull away, you know you won’t be able to let him leave your house until you’ve had every part of him. So you push him on his back and crawl up his body until your face is hovering right over his. Gently, you grind your clothed cunt on his hot dick, relishing in the way he can’t control his moans and whimpers.

“You know, you’re so mean.” You give him a soft pout that makes his cock throb against you. “Coming to my birthday party without a present.”

Somehow, Josh manages to answer you through the arousal that’s clouding his mind. “I… I’ll get you one. A-Anything you want.”

You raise a teasing eyebrow at him. “Anything?”

Joshua moans when you start to grind into him. He quickly nods, too addicted to the way you’re making him feel.

With a gentle hum, a slow smirk stretches your lips. “Then, will you give me your virginity?”

His large hands grip your hips and press you down harder against him. Joshua looks down, frustrated that you’re still fully clothed. He recalls always wanting to have his first time with someone he truly liked and had a connection with. But now that you’re here, grinding your dripping pussy on him, he doesn’t really care about that. And it was your birthday after all.

“You really want me to fuck you?”

Hearing innocent little Josh say something so crude makes you lick your lips. “I do.”

He’s aware that this probably isn’t the best idea, but at the same time, you look so good that he can’t help but want your pussy wrapped around his cock. And so he sits up and starts to roughly tug your dress off of your body. For someone who’s never done anything sexual, Josh is pretty good at getting you naked. It makes you smirk. This whole time you knew he was an undercover pervert.

You had been right all along.

Joshua feels like he might come from the sight of your naked body alone. Fuck. No wonder every guy on campus was dying to fuck you. He feels an overwhelming sense of satisfaction to think that you only wanted him.

He lets you pull off the remainder of his clothes. Josh groans when you rub your dripping cunt on his twitching cock, coating it in your juices. He’s obsessed with the sight of your pretty pussy rubbing all over him, and he wonders if he’ll ever be able to feel the same about you after you two were done.

“I... I don’t have a—”

“I want it raw.” You moan in his ear, and Joshua lets out a groan of his own.

You yelp out in shock when one of his large hands comes down to slap your ass. He gently kneads the skin before his other roughly grips one of your cheeks. A loud moan tears from your throat when he drags you up and down his cock. He does it so well and so harshly that you wonder if he lied to you before about being a virgin.

Unable to wait any longer you finally sink down on his cock. You both moan at the feeling. Josh’s cock is so long and thick that he’s already touching your sweet spot. Almost like he was made for you. It’s a shame that you know he won’t ever be fully yours.

“Josh.” You moan. “You feel so fucking good.”

He whines at the praise and helps you lift your hips so you can slam back down on his dick. You feel so good, and when you start rolling your hips against his, he starts bucking up into you. The sound of slapping skin fills your room, and if there wasn’t a loud party going on you were sure that your guests would hear how good Josh is fucking you.

“You’re so tight.” He says through a choked moan.

Joshua loves the feeling of your hot cunt clamping down on him. He nearly comes when he glances to where you two are connected and sees your sweet cream coating his reddened cock. Something carnal takes over him and before he realizes it, he’s grabbing your hips and starts helping you bounce on his cock.

You let out loud whine when he gives you a particularly sharp thrust and slams his tip against your sweet spot. Josh is quick to notices and repeats his actions. The way his thick cock is bullying into you and hitting the spongy spot inside you is making your arousal drip down his balls. Your moans can’t be contained, and you barely sound cohesive as you chant out his name.

Josh’s large hands are all over you. They glide up to cup your tits and roughly knead them before they slide down to squeeze your ass. His hips are bucking into you desperately, trying to fuck his cock deeper inside you.

The lewd squelching coming from your sopping cunt filling the room only makes you get tighter around his dick to the point where he starts throbbing wildly. It feels like your head is spinning because he’s splitting you open so deliciously and hitting that spot inside you every time.

“Are you gonna come?” You wonder as you start to gyrate your hips in a circle. “You look so pretty when you come.”

“Fuh-Fuck.” Josh groans. He does want to fill you up. He’s never wanted anything more. “I’m so close. Gonna stuff you full of my cum.”

His words push you over the edge and has you clamping down on him as you come with a loud yell of his name. It triggers Josh’s own orgasm and as you’re riding out your high, you suddenly feel his hot seed spilling into your cunt. He shoots rope after rope into you, angling his hips up to fuck it deeper into your pussy.

Coming has never felt so good. Releasing into his fist is fine, but it doesn’t compare to coming inside your sweet cunt. The way you’re sporadically squeezing him is something Josh is sure he’ll never be able to forget. You’ve probably ruined the pleasure of masturbating because it won’t ever compare to the way you’ve made him feel.

It’s worse because he keeps fucking up into you as his hands grip your ass to guide you up and down his cock until you’re both whimpering from the oversensitivity. Josh isn’t entirely sure how he’s meant to forget about this, or you. He can’t act like this didn’t happen.

You press a gentle kiss to each of Josh’s cheeks as your breathing slowly goes back to normal. His shining eyes have a look that you can’t place, but it makes you grin. “I loved my present.” You murmur. “Thank you for choosing me.”

His heart swells, and he can’t hate it. Because you’re gently caressing his hair like you don’t want to separate from him. It’s weird because he doesn’t want you to.

“Let’s go back.” You say without making an attempt to move. “Soonyoung didn’t believe me when I told him you were here.”

He ignores that you’re close with his friend and nods. Vaguely, Joshua thinks that while he didn’t have his first time with someone he loved, he still doesn’t regret it. Because he did it with you.

Josh is pretty sure he’s loosing his mind.

Lately, all he’s been thinking about you. The worst part is that he no longer seemed to be a priority for you. It’s crazy to think about because, yeah, he had told you on multiple occasions to leave him alone. And yes, he had also told all your mutual friends to pass along the message. But how could you finally respect his wishes after he gave you his virginity?

It’s maddening because in all the time you had class together, Josh never paid you any attention. Now he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. As embarrassing as it is, he can’t physically stop staring at you. He might look like a creep, but the thing is you don’t actually notice. You’re so into paying attention and taking notes that it seems like you’re in your own world.

Finally, you come to him on a random afternoon while he’s at the library. He hates that you skipping over to him actually brings a smile to his face.

“Hey, Josh.” You say as you bend down to wrap your arms around his neck.

It doesn’t help that you’re wearing the same perfume from the night of your birthday party. That smell makes his cock twitch in his pants, and he can’t believe that even the very smell of you has him getting excited like a teenage boy.

“I haven’t seen you around lately.” Josh tries to be casual as you slip into the chair beside him.

Your frown piques his interest. “Mingyu has been taking up a lot of my time of my time. That idiot lives to make my life a living hell.”

He tries not to feel bitter about the reason you’ve been ignoring him. What does he care if you’re spending time with some dumb jock? It’s not like he cares that you deserve someone who was capable of matching your intelligence who you also happen to have great physical chemistry with. He definitely doesn’t care at all.

Josh’s bitter frown has you tilting your head. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He lies as he returns his attention back to his laptop. “I’m glad you’re having fun with Mingi. You two fit perfectly.”

Anyone might’ve taken offense to the way he purposely disregards your friend’s name and his scathing tone, but it only makes you smirk. You resist the urge to coo and lean closer to him. “Are you jealous, Joshy?”

He doesn’t react, not conspicuously, anyway. The subtle clench of his jaw is enough to rile you up, though. This new development was something that made all the chasing you did worth it.

“There’s no reason for me to be.”

You hum. “So, I guess you won’t care if I call Mingyu so he can fuck me until I can’t walk?”

It’s almost funny the way Joshua stands up and starts to gather his things. But it’s ultimately not because he’s suddenly tugging you out of your seat and dragging you with him. You question him all the way back to his apartment. Josh doesn’t say anything even as he lets you inside. Just as you start to look around, you’re suddenly being pulled in another direction.

You’re barely able to register that it’s Josh’s room before he’s shoving you on his bed. It would’ve pissed you off, but when you look back to see him taking off his clothes, you can’t help but feel excited.

“Josh—”

“You think you’re so fucking funny, huh?” He growls once he’s down to his underwear. “Teasing me like you have.”

Josh’s voice has taken on such a deep tone that you could hardly believe it was him who talked. You lick your lips as he crawls on the bed. He roughly pulls off your skirt and tosses it behind his shoulder. It makes your pussy clench around nothing. When you were teasing him earlier, you didn’t expect to bring out such a side of him.

You lick lips in anticipation.

Last time, Josh didn’t get to fully admire you and look at you, but now he has you spread out for him like this, he’s going to fully savor it. He doesn’t hesitate to rip your panties off, groaning at the sight of your glistening pussy. “Do you get this wet for everyone, or is this all for me?”

You would’ve felt embarrassed if you didn’t want him so bad. If Mingyu hadn’t accidentally deleted your presentation materials, you would’ve fucked Josh again sooner. But none of that mattered anymore because you were here now, and he was acting hotter than he ever had.

“Don’t play with me.” You groan. “You know your dick is the only one I want.”

Josh’s cock throbs at your words, and he rewards you by pressing a gentle kiss to your cunt. He licks a long stripe up your slit, stopping to flick your clit repeatedly until you’re crying out for him. The sounds you’re making have him grinding his hard cock into the mattress to try and ease the throbbing in his boxers. He latches his mouth on to the sensitive bud and sucks, hard.

“Josh!” You moan, grinding your cunt into his face.

He smirks against you before releasing it with a pop. Your cute whimpers are something he can listen to forever, and he intends to hear that as often as he can. Joshua takes his time eating you out, indulging himself with your sweet taste. His movements are messy and uncoordinated, but so good.

Before you can reach your high, Josh abruptly pulls away from your aching cunt. He actually smirks when you whine at the loss of stimulation, and you wonder what sort of monster you’ve brought out. But because it’s him, it turns you on.

“Want my cock, baby?”

The pet name actually has you nodded eagerly and clenching around nothing. But because Josh is so fucking mean he only runs his hands over your body and slowly undresses you like if time is frozen. It’s frustrating, but when you go to help him, he harshly slaps your cunt to stop you. It only makes more slick drip out of you.

Josh thinks he might come in his boxers when he leans back and sees your arousal dripping out of you and on to his mattress. He licks his lips, loving how fucked out you already look.

You bite your lip when he finally takes off his underwear and lets you see that pretty cock of his. The way your hungrily eyeing him has Josh gripping your thighs and roughly pulling you toward him. He gently grinds himself between your folds, relishing in the way you buck your hips up into him desperately.

“Look at you, so fucking desperate for me to split you open.”

The way you pout of him makes him feel like he might actually go insane. Josh can’t keep waiting and shoves his dick into you with one hard thrust. You both moan at the feeling, and you can’t believe that you had let anything get in the way of having him fuck you again.

You notice his somewhat hesitant with his thrusts, and you slowly slide your hands down to his hips to guide them. Joshua pauses for a moment before he starts rolling his hips in that same angle that you seem to like. He focuses on your bouncing tits and the mewls and whimpers that are falling from your lips. His tip is hitting against your sweet spot repeatedly until you’re tossing your head back in pleasure.

“You like it when I fuck you there, huh, baby?” Josh says with a teasing smirk. “Let me hear how good I’m making you feel.”

His voice is sickly-sweet, and it doesn’t match the way he’s sharply slamming his cock into you.

“Fuh-Fuck!” You moan. “Don’t stop!”

Your sweet cunt is clamping down on him so tightly that he’s starting to feel some resistance. It only makes him drill into you deeper, determined to have you come undone on him.

The way his thick cock is stretching you out has your mind going blank. Joshua is fucking into your wet cunt until your moans turn into incoherent babbles. His hips are rolling into yours desperately, and you mewl wantonly when you feel his heavy balls slapping against your ass.

“God, you’re so fucking tight.” Josh gasps.

“Oh fuck.” You whine, feeling the coil in your stomach tighten. “I’m gonna—“

Josh groans when he feels your cunt tightly clamp down on his pulsing cock. He looks down and sees his dick is glistening with the arousal dripping from you. He bites his lip, feeling more turned on than ever. By this point he’s thrusting into you sloppily, hips losing their rhythm as hits against your sweet spot.

With one last thrust, you finally break. Joshua groans loudly as your walls spasm around his cock. He loves the sight of you creaming all over him, and that’s all it takes for him to come. Thick, hot ropes of his cum spill into your walls. He surprises you when he starts fucking his cum into you, hitting your spongy spot over and over again with a smirk.

Eventually, he stills and slowly pulls out of you.

You whimper when he spread your lips to watch his cum drip out of you. For a moment you think he’s done until he’s shoving his face into your sloppy cunt, sucking and licking at it like a starved man. You hiss at the overstimulation, but it feels so fucking good.

Joshua pulls away from you with a smirk. Your thighs are quivering, and the sight makes him shove his still-hard cock back inside of you. He throbs inside your hot cunt, stretching you open with every snap of his hips.

“Fuck, you’re dripping.” Josh rasps, as he starts fucking into you like it’s the last time he’ll get to have you like this.

“J-Josh.” You whimper as you arch your back. “S-So fucking good.”

It’s crazy how fast he finds your sweet spot again. He keeps slamming his cock against that spot, and it makes you feel almost dizzy. Joshua seems to notice this because he starts snapping his hips deeper into you. Your eyes roll to the back of your head when you feel the veins of his thick cock dragging along your velvety walls.

The sound you let out when Josh throws one of your legs over his shoulder is so fucking sexy that he can’t help, but moan along with you. All the arousal coating your inner thighs makes a sticky mess and fills his room with lewd squelching sounds.

“Don’t stop!” You plead, bucking your hips upwards to match his thrusts.

Josh watches his cock slip in and out of you with a loud moan. To see your cream covering his cock drives him wild. He picks up the pace, needing to see you come all over his dick again. Your mouth is dropped open in pleasure, and before he can think twice about it, he presses his lips to yours and drinks in every muffled squeal as he angles himself to bury his tip against the sensitive, velvety spot of your walls.

You can only moan as Josh continues to slam his long, veiny cock inside your tight little cunt. He smirks when you groan and drive your nails into his lithe back. Your legs tremble as he keeps thrusting into you, his girth splitting you open all over again.

“You just can’t get enough of my cock, can you, baby?” He tells with a smirk. You can’t respond because he sinks his teeth into your neck as your walls tighten on his throbbing cock.

“Fucking love your cock.” You mewl.

The way his mouth sucks on your neck and nips at your skin is almost too much and makes your head spin. Josh slips his hand down to your wet pussy, circling his fingers against your slippery bud. It only takes a few calculated strokes for you to cream and gush around his cock. Your toes curl as you orgasm with a loud cry of ecstasy.

Joshua groans as he feels his own climax take over him. Your tight cunt continues to milk him until he's forced to stop and pour himself into you. The feeling of his hot seed painting your walls is something that you’ll never get enough of. He sloppily fucks you both through your orgasms until he can no longer handle the overstimulation.

It takes you by surprise when Josh presses a tender kiss to your lips. He only grins at you before he rolls over with you on top of him. Somehow, he manages to keep his cock inside you as he nuzzled into your hair. He lets out a deep breath and gently runs his large hands up and down your back.

“Will you stay?” He asks shyly, and you can’t believe that this is the same guy who was railing you like no one else ever had before.

“Yeah.” You grin. “I might as well get used to being here.”

Joshua doesn’t try to hide his grin. He never thought that this was how things would turn out, but he’s so glad they did. Because now he was never going to let you go.

taglist: @duolingofanaccount @felix-3002 @junhui-recs

this has got to be one of my new favorite fics!!! i read this all last night and could not put it down even though it was 2am. i’ve had it on my list for a bit and i’m so so happy i got to read it. you took time with each part and it shows!! the reactions, the emotions, i was feeling all of them! you described everything a teenager feels so accurately and i couldn’t have loved that more!!! you tugged at my heartstrings the perfect amount and managed to make me laugh too :D i will be recommending this to all my carat friends and i know i will be rereading it again soon just to feel something once again 😌

best friend’s brother

⚬ pairing: joshua x fem!reader ⚬ word count: 37k ⚬ warnings: alcohol, mentions of unsafe sex/unplanned pregnancy  ⚬ genres: timestep, romance, angsty angst, major feels abt having a crush, lots of flirting, smut, drama, happy tears.

✧✎ synopsis: joshua happens to be your best friend’s older brother. he’s pretty, and he’s got a lot of cool details about him that you pay a concerning amount of attention to, but he’s just a friend (if you could even call it that). still, what does he think of you, anyway? that is—if he thinks of you.

 ✧✎ a/n: this is a rewrite of an old fic that i uploaded in 2016. keep in mind the original version was only 13k! i’ve made so many changes to this story and i really hope those who read it enjoy it! thank you sm!

⇢ here is this fic’s inspo playlist ⇢ smut section is marked! ⇢ taglist included in final author’s note

13.

You flipped to the next page of the plastic binder and squiggled a small ‘seven’ inside the margin. Then, your eyes wandered back to the math textbook sitting in between you and your best friend. It was difficult to study on Jennie’s bed, but she liked it that way, and there definitely wasn’t enough room at her desk.

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