Joshua Imagines - Tumblr Posts

Rakes never cry

Paring: joshua x fem!reader

Genre: angst, regency!au

warnings: mentions of sex

summary: idk its just sad

words: 817

a/n: I request each and every one of you to comment on this fic don't be a silent reader it helps me as an author to understand my readers and i would love to communicate with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcomed by me so do talk about this fic or send me an ask.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone needs to tell Joshua that whatever he is seeing is wrong, that it’s not your form that is dancing with the man so closely on the floor.

It has been almost a year since he last saw you and he never thought that this is how the reunion with you would happen. But what rights does he have to stop you from dancing with this man you are enamored with, so enamored that you can barely shift your eyes away from him.

He thinks back to the time when it was him holding you that close, twirling you around the ballroom and hearing your beautiful laughs and talking to you in hushed whispers about some gossip he heard while playing poker with the other dukes.

Listening to you laugh when recounted an exceptionally funny story from his recent trip.

He thinks about all the nights he spent with you lying on a haystack at the back of his stable, smoking a cigar and talking about life and even though it was not the most ideal place to have heartfelt conversations, you both somehow made it work.

As he looks you, he notices how you at Jeonghan like he arranged in the stars in the night sky for you, like all the galaxy you hold your eyes were just stars burning with love for the man. He realizes that one year is indeed a long time, and a whole lot has changed in just a mere span of 365 days.

It took him just one afternoon to confess that he never loved you, that you were merely a fascination to him due to the off-limits nature of your relationship. It took him just one afternoon to throw away all those nights of laughter, all the evenings of passionate love making behind the theater while his friends were busy indulging in the new melodious shows with their betrothed or wives.

The thought of losing his status of as the nonchalant Casanova was too much for his foolish boyish mind to accept so he did what he was the best at he fled from the conflict. Never the one to think about consequences, or even about anyone but him, he could never fathom the great pain he caused you by leading you on and not only jeopardizing your probable engagement with other potential suitors but also make you the butt of all the apathetic gossip of the older women.

The minute he felt the presence of something brewing between the two of you that felt like it had deeper meanings than what he is accustomed to, he boarded on the first ship to Caribbean, to be as far away for you as he physically can. Only he never underestimated how strong the brewed feeling actually were.

Not one day went on his voyage when he did not think of you, even when he tried his very best to put the you named thought out of his head. Nights of intoxication and passion became a norm for him during his trip and new destinations and people kept him busy.

But still as he looked out of his cabin at the dusky setting sun, he felt the innate need to hold you close to him, to hear you voice calling out to him while he is beneath you making you feel levels of bliss you didn’t know you were capable of experiencing.

So, when he hopped off that ship on the coast of England the only name that echoed in his mind was yours. He knew he had made a mistake, but he had hoped that you would let it slide, that you would take him back into your loving arms like you always did.

But it seems like faith was reluctant to give him a second chance as he noticed you in the first ball of the season and realized that you had been successfully swept off your feet by someone else who was not him. As much as he would have loved to fight for you, he realized he had lost the battle even before it started, when he had left you stranding alone in the park with your bloodied torn heart on the palm of your hand and the emotions slowly bleeding out of your eyes.

Maybe he would have tried to jeopardize your relationship with Jeonghan, if not for the fact the man went ahead and collected all the pieces of your heart and sewed them together for you and filled those eyes that he hollowed out with the most beautiful galaxy that Joshua had ever seen.

Maybe if he had more courage, he would have tried to get you back but he doesn’t so he will stand here and toast you both and make sure his eyes don’t show too much emotions for he still has the reputation of a rake to hold up and rakes don’t cry.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/n; again i hope you guys liked it.

goldleaf

pairing: hong jisoo (joshua) x gender neutral reader

genre: angst, hanahaki au

word count: 1.1k

warnings: no happy ending, mentions of death + implied main character death…eventually, One mention of swearing, unrequited love, the normal hanahaki au things (blood, throwing up, etc.)

author note: um so guess who found out she can actually write angst! it’s written in joshua’s pov the entire time and reader is just kinda in the background (they’re still important though!) also, if you want a lil more info about how i wrote this, check out my reblog! lots of love ♡

masterlist

when joshua sees you with them, he can’t deny that he feels…more than he wishes he did.

he’s sick and tired of the hollowness in his chest but it’s fine. it’ll all be fine once he sees you happy, right? that's what he says to convince himself before looking up at the sky and seeing you in the shape of the clouds and the way the sun hits them and himself.

fuck, he’s in too deep to continue to believe the sorry excuse he’s made up for himself to feel a little better. it never helps anyway, so why keep using it? he lets it go, imagining it fluttering away on a breeze that reminds him way too much of the person always on his mind.

so when the tingling in his throat comes out as petals the same golden like the colour he imagines your soul to be, he isn’t surprised. as he exits the bathroom, he avoids jeonghan’s gaze, promises that he’ll be fine; after all, it’s just a cold—whatever it takes to keep his best friend from worrying. at least he knows his promises won’t be worth much anyway.

he sees you often, your smile as cheery as the flowers haunting him in his dreams and the ones sticking to his lungs, trapped in his chest. he’s alright, he tells himself. he’ll be fine.

he doesn’t go to the doctor. he’s read and seen enough of what’s happening to him, and he knows the choice he’ll have to make if he goes. he knows that the only solution is to forget, but he would never do that. he can’t let go of wandering around in the wheat fields that one summer you two were in the countryside, or the time you laughed and laughed at a joke that wasn’t funny, or when he lost all hope and you were there, making sure he could get back up again and live. if the price of keeping the memories he holds close is death, he’s okay with it.

joshua doesn’t tell his roommates. he knows that jeonghan and seungcheol would drag him to the emergency room against his will, and force him to take the option he’s already decided against. he wouldn’t let them sway him anyway, but it’s easier if they don’t know. however, time seems to choose to leave the bathroom—even when it seems to be going too fast for joshua’s liking these days—when jeonghan finds him hovering over the sink, bloody tissues in his hand and washed petals placed carefully on the side.

the two of them say nothing.

jeonghan leaves, and joshua turns to the mirror above the sink, taking a good look at himself. he wipes off the dried blood on his top lip, noticing nothing else wrong. he doesn’t realize that after he leaves, jeonghan is horrified by the lack of light in his friend’s eyes, the spark he thought would never go out.

jeonghan hasn’t said anything since, lost in his thoughts every time he’s home. seungcheol is freaked out, not understanding the dead silence in the house. he doesn’t know that he’ll have to pay more for rent in…well, however long it takes for joshua’s lungs to finally fill up with your flowers. joshua knows he’s being cruel, but can’t he be allowed to be selfish in his last moments? is that too much to ask for after everything?

he doesn’t approach jeonghan, and instead writes. he writes journal entries in that notebook you got him a few years back, but he never used it because he was too scared to mess up in something you gave him; letters to those he’ll miss. he revises the one for his mother over and over again, crumpling paper like his lungs.

joshua doesn’t try to hide anything from seungcheol. he knows that his housemate’s blank expression means more than what he says. in fact, there is nothing said; their house is a place to rest and eat and nothing else. it’s as if there’s three ghosts, not just a single potential one. joshua sighs, wheezing out more petals. he grabs them hastily, making sure they don’t fall to the ground or worse, onto your letter. he carries them gently in his bloodied hands to the bathroom sink once again, the only companion he seems to have in the past few weeks.

joshua rinses each souvenir of his love one by one, clearing the dark red off before drying them and taking them back to the pile he’s made ever since this started. at first, they were hidden away in a small box on the corner of his desk, so no one would wander in and see them. now, he puts them on his nightstand haphazardly, the dark wood no longer visible under the various shades of yellow and red.

joshua picks up his pen—the expensive one his mom gifted him when he moved away so long ago; he never used it until now. the ink glides smoothly over the clean paper he had taken out earlier. he writes once again.

the only thing he knows how to say now is sorry. he writes it over and over again, signing each letter with the sounds he can barely make in real life, his voice hoarse from the damage done on his throat, and the lack of use.

maybe it’s time for something different? after all, this is for you, and he wants the news to be broken softly. he racks his head for something, anything that he finds good enough to become something real. he drinks the day-old water from the plastic bottle beside him, the familiar taste of blood accompanying it.

he glances at the clock he’s kept beside him since the start, and counts down two seconds; he has no time to waste.

he puts down the words he’s said so often to you that they’ve become a habit but seem to have changed ever since he started throwing up marigolds—a literal reminder of his unrequited love.

it’ll be a bit hard to be there for you when he’s dead, won’t it? joshua doesn’t mind. he never will.

he chuckles dryly, a whole flower falling out. he gets up and repeats his process for the petals before sitting back down.

joshua looks at his handiwork, pausing and adding a few more words before moving his paper to the side, and starting on another letter for his mother.

he stares blearily at the clock again, the red blinking numbers the only comfort he allows himself. it’s a new day.

joshua hopes it’ll finally be his last.

joshua hong breaks your heart three and a half times before you can even reach nineteen, and yet you can’t stop loving him with the pieces that remain.

i. the first time ; when you meet

the story of you and joshua starts at the beginning, which sounds pretty redundant, but it’s the beginning in more may than one. the beginning of friendship — the beginning of freshman year — the beginning of something bigger than two fourteen year olds can imagine.

it starts, as you say, at the onset of freshman year. you’re nervous — extra nervous because these kids went to the same middle school, and you’re the stranger, the outsider, the transfer student who nobody knows yet. it’s obvious in the way they talk to each other; gossipping about unfamiliar names, inside jokes only they understand.

and so homeroom begins with ice breakers, and it turns out that you and someone named joshua hong have the same favourite colour and you both like horror movies, and that’s enough for you to think to yourself, that one. i want to be friends with that one.

for a moment, it seems like that sentiment is mirrored. when lunch is called, and you’re stuck in the corner of the canteen, eating lunch alone, joshua hong appears to your side, holding his tray. he smiles at you first, and when he speaks, he speaks softly; you like him instantly, especially when he gets your name right first try, and talks to you about the horror movies you like.

unfortunately, your conversation lasts about five minutes; it’s interrupted by joshua’s actual friends, waving from another table, yelling for him to come join their arm wrestling competition, and someone wants his chocolate milk, and, and, and — because of course, joshua is popular.

he’s also incredibly polite, for a fourteen year old boy, looking between you and his table, eyes torn, mouth twisting. but you make the decision for him; you stuff the last of your food in your mouth — it tastes like cardboard — and you gesture for him to leave, saying, through a dry mouthful, “i’m done anyway, go ahead!”

he leaves then, sending an apologetic smile you pretend not to see. you won’t be pitied, not even by popular guys with nice smiles. but when you walk out the cafeteria, as alone as you were when you walked into it, your silly, young little heart does break a little.

and then it’s glued back together by clumsy fingers the next day. joshua’s in the cafeteria before you, and this time, he waves you over to his table, patting the seat next to him. he introduces you to his friends, who are nice and sweet and funny, and you do like them, you just like joshua that extra little bit more.

ii. the second time ; when you fall, suddenly, completely, absolutely.

by the time junior year rolls around, you and joshua are joined at the hip.

you do everything together. you’re at his house more than your own; his mom calls you the second child she never had; your mom calls him by his nickname; you know his deepest darkest secret, and he knows yours; he’s your favourite person in the world, and as teenagers are apt to do, you’d never willingly tell him such a thing.

“you’re disgusting,” you tell him, whenever he belches, unashamed, on your couch after a horror movie marathon. “you’re the worst!” when he tickles you within an inch of your life, rolling onto the floor with you in a mad tangle of limbs and giggling. “i hate you,” with a smile on your face, when he teases you about a crush or pinches your nose a little too hard.

“you love me,” is always his response — easy, carefree, and the l-word rolls off his tongue so confidently, sometimes you wonder how he does it. but you do love him. as a friend, of course, and nothing more, despite what other people say. at school, people think you’re together — people pull you aside in the locker room, giggling like they’re in on your secret (“so, you like like him, right?”) and nobody believes you guys when you deny it.

“it’s not like that,” you find yourself saying over and over, until it feels like the words are tattooed on your tongue. “he’s just josh, you know?” and he is. he’s just your joshua. nothing more, nothing less, he’s just your person — your best friend.

you manage to convince yourself as well, with those repetitive words, until one day, you find out you can’t.

it’s a sunday, and so of course, he’s singing sunday morning as the two of you stroll down to the park, hands stuffed in your respective pockets. it’s late september, but the dregs of summer are lingering longer this year, and the two of you are drinking them up before autumn rolls around, and strips the greenery bare.

“your obsession with that song needs to be studied,” you say, and it comes easily because you haven’t realised yet.

“your brain needs to be studied,” is his quick retort, as you guys make it to your usual spot.

it’s nothing special, this spot — to an outsider, at least. it’s a crumbling wall to the side of the park, that overlooks a pond (an ugly, swampy looking pond, but a pond nonetheless).

to you and joshua, the deteriorating wall is your Place, with a capital p, because that’s how important it’s become to the two of you. it’s simply. a little bit ugly, but who cares, when you have your whole life stretching in front of you, a wall to sit on, and a best friend to argue over the red gummies with?

“there are five red gummies,” he pronounces, peering inside the pack. “i call dibs on the third!”

“what?” your voice raises automatically. “absolutely not. you had the third one last time.”

“last time there were six!”

“that’s so not fair!” you poke his rib, scowling. “we’ll split it. for justice.”

joshua sighs, long and reluctant, but nods, setting the packet between you — but moments later, when you’ve spiralled down a tangent of cursing out your physics teacher, he swipes down on the third, stuffing it in his mouth with a triumphant, guiltless grin before you can even say stop.

“you’re evil,” you say, slow and shocked, narrowing your eyes at him. “you’re actually fucking evil!”

“sorry,” he says, without the slightest hint of remorse.

“i hate you.” and again, you’re smiling — and so is he, throwing his head back to laugh (because the thought of you hating him is so ridiculous that he has to laugh), and his darn eyes catch the afternoon sunlight at just the right angle, twin pools of honey brown, and you’re drowning in them; and his laughter sounds like music, and his hair’s blowing back in the breeze, and the lines of his face are lighting up golden; and oh, fuck, you’ve forgotten how to breathe.

“you love me,” he says, normally, casually, his ordinary response, but it feels like he’s plucked the sentence straight out your mind, where it had been nothing more than a half-formed sentiment you’d pushed into the corner.

cheeseballs, you think to yourself, breathless, stomach sinking, eyes wide. i think he’s right.

i think i love him, your fifteen year old self thinks, and then your fifteen year old self’s heart breaks.

it’s more painful than the first time. much more.

iii. the third time ; when he leaves (because you push him out the door)

the third time is not like the others. you can’t pinpoint a specific moment; it happens gradually. less of a shattering — more of a slow crushing, like joshua is pressing down on the centre of your chest, slow, heavy, and completely unaware of how blood is spurting from the cracks of your heart.

because he doesn’t know — of course he doesn’t know. and he can’t know now, now that the two of you, as a unit, have become past tense.

you can barely call himself your friend anymore, and it’s entirely your fault.

not even a month after that fateful day in junior year, joshua had gotten himself a girlfriend. and she wasn’t mean and you couldn’t hate her even if you wanted to, she was the sweetest person alive, and had no problem with you; but still, that step did mean other things, like backing off joshua a little. there was another priority in his life now.

they only lasted three months, but it felt significant. it felt like a sign — he’s not yours, he can never be yours, and so even after emily benson and joshua broke up, you kept your distance. then he joined the football team, with seungcheol and mingyu and those guys, and you joined the photography club with wonwoo and seokmin and those guys, and there was suddenly this divide. a line drawn; you were the artist.

because joshua did try, and he definitely tried more than you. he’d invite you over to his house for movie marathons, and you’d decline. he’d wave at you from across the football pitch, and you’d pretend not to see.

you only see his mom in the supermarket now. she still hugs you, calls you her other child. you don’t know what to say to her.

it is, technically, your own fault. self-preservation instincts; because being around joshua hurt like a bitch after that sunday. there was an ache in your heart you’d somehow not noticed for two years, but now that you’d noticed it once, it was there always, a permanent throbbing pain in your chest.

you think of it as losing your heart; you’d given it to joshua without even realising, and he hasn’t realised either. and so the hot, slippery organ is left in his hands, and you don’t know how to get it back.

senior year comes, and it’s clear to everyone that there is no longer a you and joshua. sometimes you get questions about it; “did you guys fight?”, “what even happened? was it emily?”, “did he cheat on you?”, and you answer them all wearily with a smiling front.

just drifted apart, i guess, you always say, paired with a nonchalant shrug, like it doesn’t kill you a little every time you see him.

you wonder what he says, when they ask him. if they even ask him at all.

iii.v half broken, half mended

joshua shows up at your house.

it’s the night before graduation, and if it were a movie, it would be raining when he knocks on your door — but it’s still warm, there’s still faint sunlight behind him, and he’s panting slightly on your doorstep, eyes wide with something you don’t have the time to read before he’s rushing out words, garbled with speed.

you’ve just woken from a nap, and you don’t understand a word he’s saying; you hear a whole lot of “we” and “friends” and before he can get any further, you raise a hand to stop him.

“what — what are you talking about, shua?” you question genuinely, rubbing your sleepy eyes as though this is some sort of twisted dream.

joshua lets out a breath on your doorstep; he looks harried, panicked, like if he doesn’t say everything he needs to, he’s going to explode. but he holds back, inhaling, exhaling, suddenly short of breath at the sight of you, up close after what feels like forever.

“where did you go?” he says finally, and you can hear fifteen year old shua in there, a crack in his voice, emotion leaking into it.

you know what he means, you know exactly what he means, and you don’t have an answer for him. “i didn’t go anywhere,” you reply, voice small. you don’t look at him, because both of you know it’s a lie.

“you did,” he repeats needlessly. “it felt like you left me.”

you don’t have anything to say, and so you stay silent. there are birds chirping, you realise absently, somewhere behind him.

“was there a reason?” his words are growing quicker now, spilling out of him like they’re overflowing; and maybe they are, maybe he’s kept them locked up just as long as you have. “there must have been a reason — you need to tell me, i deserve to know. don’t i?”

his voice is tinged with a sort of raw desperation that pulls at your heart, because no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise, he’s still your shua, he’s still your person, and you can never hate him.

he deserves to know, and you’re too cowardly to tell him.

joshua waits. (he’s always been the more patient out of you two.) “you won’t tell me,” he realises finally, stepping back just once. “god. fuck. i don’t even know why i came.”

he turns, and you blurt three words that halt him in his tracks. you see the way he freezes on the spot, and so you repeat them again, just so he can be sure.

“i love you,” you say, softly, but he hears you. he hears you and turns around, and his pretty doe eyes are round with confusion.

you don’t realise you’re crying until he wipes away the few that have spilled oit the corners of your eyes; he does it delicately, with hands that tremble a little. they’re unfamiliar in their familiarity, those hands, and the feel of them makes you close your eyes.

both of you are breathing shakily. like you’re on the cusp of something new; something bigger.

“how long?” he asks quietly, hands trailing down to cup your cheeks.

you don’t open your eyes when you speak your next words, pouring from your mouth into the space between you. “since we were fifteen.”

joshua’s quiet for a moment, and when you open your eyes, there’s a ghost of a smile playing on his lips, and the ghost of tears filling his eyes. “haha,” he whispers, leaning closer, “i win.” his lips brush against yours, so light and feathery it could barely be called a kiss.

he pulls back, forehead against yours, and smiles, properly this time. “since fourteen,” he says, and it feels like your heart is mended and broken at the same time.

an / typed this out in an hour of feverish inspiration. idk. 💪

taglist: @n4mj00nvq @eoieopda @som1ig @glowunderthemoon @wondering-out-loud @graybaeismytae @hannyoontify @sahazzy @dokyeomin @icyminghao @smilehui @nicholasluvbot @lvlystars @immabecreepin @hanniehaee @kokoiinuts @astrozuya

Joshua Hong

f = fluff | s = smut | a = angst | hc = hurt/comfort

One shots

None yet…

Series

None yet…

Drabbles

None yet…

All Rights Reserved © yoonjoongles // do not copy or modify my work in any way.

Imagine making bracelets with Joshua, it would be so fun. But little do you know, he's purposely dropping the beads for yours just so you'll spend more time doing it together.

you still sleep with plushies ♡

author’s note. as a person who’s still sleeping w plushies !! it’s totally normal !! and i just thought its a cute idea to write a reaction like that so here u go ^_^ maybe i’ll do other unit versions,, we’ll see!!

warnings. jihoon’s is a liiiiiil suggestive if you think about it …

┆彡 JEONGHAN [ 정한 ]

this mf…

like ofc he noticed the plushies on your bed while he visited you

but he thought it’s just a decoration!!

and once you invited him to sleep over

which was supposed to be super cute and relaxing, just the two of you

so all snuggled and watching a movie in your bed, he noticed you were clutching to a plushie of a dog

he frowned and noticed the plushies are all over the bed

"angel, do you sleep with all of those? isn’t jr too cramped?" he teased, grabbing a random one and poking its eye

when he was met with silence, he noticed the pout on your lips :(

and he immediately feels guilty, especially when you clutched the dog even closer

"i was just asking because you know… i don’t want to kick them from the bed in my sleep" jeonghan tried to save himself and it kind of worked

"if that’s a problem i can…" you started and he couldn’t bear it anymore <\\3

“no, no. i’m sorry, i just… im not used to this” he cupped your face, pecking your pout "it’s not a problem. it’s… quite cute"

it takes him a while to get used to all the plushies staring at him lol (and sometimes getting tangled in the sheets between you, him and your limbs)

but he finds it really adorable :”)

┆彡 JOSHUA [ 조슈아 ]

joshua entered your bedroom when you asked him to bring a hoodie from there

and he stood there, like a deer caught in the headlights

(haha,, deer… get it?? because he’s… yeah, i’ll shut up)

you were concerned why he’s taking so long and when you saw him peek at the plushies curiously, you gasped

"um, yeah… i still sleep with those…" you mumbled and were met with his ^▽^ smile

"this is so adorable, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he asked and noticed a deer plushie

when you murmur that you were just shy, he hugs you and places kisses on your face while giggling

you’re seriously the most precious human that he’s ever met :(

and honestly he only fuels your cute habit by buying you more and more plushies

and he just loves when you send him pics of them chilling with you in your bed

or when he cuddles with you and all the cute plush animals surround him hehe

it’s like a new life mission for him,, to buy you all the plushies in the world :”)

especially the deer ones hehe so they can remind you of him <3

┆彡 JIHOON [ 지훈 ]

you usually hid your plushies when your boyfriend came over,, for the time being you wanted him to think you’re normal lmao

but one day after a date you went to your place

and when you entered your place, jihoon’s lips were immediately on yours.. not even giving you a second to breathe…. messily making out……. the plushies were the last thing you wanted to think about

so when he led you to the bedroom, placing small love bites on your neck;;; you froze

jihoon panicked that he did something wrong but then he saw your face getting red while looking at something

plushies

and then you saw him smile brightly, erupting into giggles

"just when i thought you couldn’t get any more cuter” he snickered "why i never saw them before?"

so you explained everything and he was just <\\3

he doesn’t really mind it, only when you prefer to cuddle them instead of him >:T

or will randomly punch them.

and steal.

he’ll steal some plushies to put in his studio,, so they can remind him of you :((

and that he can cuddle something that smells like you when he’s taking a nap there :((

(obviously he’d rather die than admit it)

┆彡 SEOKMIN [ 석민 ]

actually it’s the first thing he notices when he enters your room for the first time ㅠㅠ

you see his shocked expression and feel the rush of embarrassment hit your face

"i, uh… those are–" you started but he walked up to your bed and picked up a fluffy, white cat plushie

"so adorable! and there’s so many of them, woah y/nnie!" he cooed and looked at you, eyes wide "can i touch…?"

and his hearts melt when he sees your face lit up, a visible relief washing over your expression while you nod vigorously

"wait, i can even tell you their names" you grin and he’s so soft like,, moments from melting and turning into a puddle on the floor :((

so for the next hour you introduce every plushie and their names and backstory!!

and he treats them so gently, almost as if they were made out of the finest china <\3

will absolutely love to sleep w you in his arms, alongside the plushies that he knows how much they mean to you

and you allowing him to cuddle w them too is also something that makes seokmin fall for you even more (if that was even possible)

┆彡 SEUNGKWAN [ 승관 ]

kwannie and you usually did sleepovers at his place but once he asked if you can do one at yours

he saw you tense up a bit and got concerned that maybe he pushed some boundaries

”sure but… um, i sleep with plushies…” you mumbled

seungkwan blinked once. twice.

“okay, so?” he frowned like it was (because it is) the most normal thing ever

and he could see how happy n relieved you got ^_^

he needs to get used to it lmao like,, so. many. stuffed. animals.

he listens as you explain where u got each of them and their names

"and i bought this one because it reminded me of you. i named it booboo" you grinned and showed him an orange plushie with a happy face on it

he swore he could just melt down in this moment, right here right now

but oh my god. gets SO offended when you cuddle booboo to sleep instead of him >:(

“eh, that just sucks” he throws a tantrum and turns his back to you, pouting

but then you put the orange plushie into his arms and wrap your hands around his waist, cuddling him like he was the plushie itself

and atp he doesn’t even care that it makes him the small spoon, he loves the proximity <3

masterlist <3

taglist. @mirxzii ,, @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @planetkiimchi ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @dazzlingligth

Sweet Nothing with Shua

pairing: Joshua x reader

tags: angst, fluff at the end, boyfriend Joshua, non-idol!au, mentions of childhood issues and disordered eating

summary: Graduation just got over and you’re all but happy. You watch as each of your friends leaves and as you leave. Change has never been easy for you, especially when it triggers all the instability of your childhood. But there is one person you will always find yourself coming back to- Joshua. After three years of navigating life and university together, he's your home. And now you get to literally come home to his sweet nothings in your new house and your heart will heal itself from the pains of life.

wordcount: 1.9k

a/n: Inspired by the lines "Outside, they're push and shoving, You're in the kitchen humming, All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing" from Taylor Swift's Sweet Nothing.

masterlist | Let me know your thoughts and feedback.

Change, it was a rude temptress. It lures you in with the promise of shiny places, bright lights and adventures. It’s a hoax. It takes you to uncomfortable, odd places with random strangers that make you miss home.

Change takes your closest friends away from you.

Change is the reason you're walking back home on a cold unfamiliar path, toward a driveway you don't immediately recognise and to a house currently filled with cardboard boxes.

Life had turned around in less than a month's time. You'd known it would change, you had all been preparing for it. Yet none of you were ready for the real thing. Even when you had sat through every packing session with your friends-some packing things into a suitcase, some in cardboard boxes, talking through a million memories and making promises of holding on.

You watched as your friend group, the one that had fit perfectly like pieces of a puzzle slowly began drifting away. Except now each of you carried a part of the others' pieces too. Some moving seas away, some moving just far enough that it still feels like uncharted territory.

You had told yourself you would be brave about this. You would not let this affect you and trigger all the childhood issues attached to it. For the most part, you held onto your words. You'd cleared your dorm and moved bunches of cardboard boxes to a new and unfamiliar place. You had said your greetings to unfamiliar faces, in a stiff outfit at your new place of work. You said goodbyes to two of your closest friends at the airport in the span of a week, without breaking into a single tear.

But the emotional baggage had come out in other ways. In a cowardly move, you began pushing away your boyfriend. The one you had moved in with just weeks ago. The same boyfriend who had helped you through multiple hard times in the three years of university, all with his polite smile and kind heart. The very thought of his kindness made you hurt with guilt. He did not deserve the pain you were putting him through, especially when you both were supposed to be celebrating this fresh and beautiful chapter of your relationship. That is why you stop five steps in front of the new apartment that now belonged to the two of you, looked at his car in the driveway and decided to turn back and take another walk around the block. You needed to clear your head so that you could stop hurting him.

Shua watches from the kitchen window as you turn around and walk away. He leans back on the cabinet and rubs his eyes with his hands. He has tried everything to comfort you and give you the space you needed. He understands that this has been a hard time for you, it has been for him too. He's had to say his own goodbyes and adjust to new places too.

Joshua understands better than anyone else just how hard this might be for you. He also knows that he can't make this right or tell you to process your emotions in a different way. But it is breaking his heart to see you hurt yourself in the process. He's been waiting for a whole week to hear you say more than three words at once. He has had to sit in front of you and watch you refuse every bite of food for a week and it breaks a piece of him every time.

He has been trying his best to help you, from beside and from afar. It felt unfair to him too but he knows this has been triggering all the issues from your childhood and your pushing him away had nothing to do with your relationship at the moment.

Joshua sighs another time, he should not let himself get sucked in his insecurities too. He knows you will come back to him, he knows you will tuck yourself into his arms in sleep like you do every night. And he knows he will pull himself away before you wake up so that you don't feel more guilty than you already do. Till your guilt and pain are ready to be let out, Joshua will wait on the sidelines and remind you that he is still there and your life will continue.

The smell. That is the first thing you notice when you enter the house an hour after deciding to walk around the block. You got sidetracked at the park and ended up staring at trees as you processed everything. You now felt it all but also felt too numb. The emotions and thoughts had gotten too much and you desperately needed to cry in the comfort of your home. That's why you walked back to find Joshua.

You still remember the first time you let yourself cry in his arms after a very painful call with your dad and how he'd held you delicately through it all. He was the first person you had cried in front of since your parent, and it felt good. To finally be held as you broke down, to be reminded that you aren't entirely broken. It felt like home when he hugged you so tight that your heart healed itself.

With tears brimming in your eyes as you look around the dimly lit house, unable to move from the doorstep, the smell gets to you. It smelt like chocolate and flour. You couldn't quite place the smell but you knew someone had baked something and something had definitely burnt at least once. You looked around the living room but all you could hear was a faint hum.

You walked toward the kitchen and a silhouette came into view. Joshua standing, with his back to you, working on something on the counter as hums a song like an angel. He was wearing your old pastel pink apron around his waist, you could see multiple stains on his plain white t-shirt. You smiled as you saw how ruffled his hair was and there was definitely flour on the strands. The smile on your face forms automatically and so do the tears.

It hits you in a wave, the realisation that no matter how hard everything else in the world gets, and how many things change, Shua is here in your shared kitchen, humming as he tries his best to bake you muffins. That's all you need. That's everything he needs- the sweet nothings. The whole world can push you and hurt you, but you'll find yourself in Shua's arms, doing nothing and feeling the joy of everything.

The tears are now pouring like a monsoon rain down your cheeks and you take three big steps before tapping him on the shoulder.

Shua is startled by the sudden tap on his shoulders and he turns with the whisk still in his hands from the mess of a muffin he was desperately trying to make- for the second time that evening. He's even more surprised when he sees you pull him into an embrace. He stays still hands open wide, a whisk dripping chocolate sauce in one hand, as he watches you hold to him so tight he could barely breathe. He stayed still, feeling your sniffs against his chest, your tears soaking up his shirt.

Shua moves very slowly to place his hand around you such that he is cradling your head. He rubs circles on your scalp as you lean into him further and cry your heart out. His heart clenches as he cannot bear to see you so worn down and hurt, but another part of him is glad you chose to come back to him and let out your emotions. Shua understands that with love comes a lot of pain and he cannot expect it all to be gone just because the two of you are in love. All he wants is for the two of you to always come running back to the other when everything and everyone else makes life hard.

You cry till you can't physically anymore. The two of you stay there the entire time, unsure of the time. After you broke out into full-blown sobs, you feel tear drops dampen your hair, you know Shua was tearing up too. He always did. Neither of you could stand the other crying.

So you both stayed there, crying out the pain- the pain of growing up, of moving on, of letting go, of facing your demons, of looking at the start of your life, of an uncertain future and the fear of losing. Shua and you held each other through the fears, a promise to hold on and help each other heal. To hold each other through the storms, the soul deconstructors and through the trials and tribulations of life.

You finally feel lighter and pull yourself back to see his face. Shua is already looking down at you with his sweet smile and eyes that light up your soul. his hair is messy with flour tangled between strands and you finally notice the whisk that has been dripping chocolate sauce all over the kitchen floor and is thoroughly drenched in your tears and chocolate stains.

"Hi." Your voice comes out in a croak and both of you end up cracking up.

"Hello to you too ma'am." He says, his honey-like voice filling up the cracks of your heart.

"You're making something?" You ask feigning innocence as he gives you an embarrassed smile scratching his hair.

"I was trying to bake muffins."

You let out a small smile, "For me?"

He nods and you feel your eye tear up a little more. Shua's eyes widen with worry.

"Babe no. Don't cry. I can clean this all up and maybe we can order real muffins. Or whatever you need. Please don't cry again, my heart can't take it. And your eyes will certainly not be able to take anymore crying." He says in such a state of pure fright and panic that it endears you wholly.

You shake your head, laughing. "No Shua I am not crying don't worry."

"Thank god."

"But I think we should try to salvage these muffins and clean the kitchen." He nods looking around the mess he has made.

"And maybe you should change your t-shirt first." You say as you try your best not to stare at his drenched shirt, sticking to him in all the right places.

Shua smirks, "Oh why babe, is it tempting you?" He asks knowing full well the answer.

You roll your eyes as a blush creeps up your cheeks, "Oh, please it's nothing new."

He hums and strokes a finger across your cheek, "Uh-huh. Is that why you're red as a tomato."

You mock glare at him and pull away from his touch. "If that's how you want to play it, then I'm gonna leave you to clean this mess on your own." He groans. "And, you will sleep on the couch tonight." You add and he looks terribly scared now that it makes you grin.

"Alright alright, let's order good food, clean this up and head to bed." He says and pulls you into an embrace which you graciously acept.

"Thank you." You hear him murmur and look up at his face questioningly at him.

"For coming back to me." He says with a sweet smile and you lean forward to kiss him in response.

As if you would go anywhere but home.

Y'ALL DON'T KNOW HOW IT SWEPT ME OFF. THIS WAS JUST TOO GOOD. I AM STILL SHOOK.

leaning on the everlasting arms

member | childhood best friend! pastor's son!joshua x f reader genre | angst, smut, some fluff, bible college au word count | 10.3k (my first fic over 10k wowie!!) synopsis | as kids growing up in the same church, you and joshua were inseperable, until you got to an age where it was considered immoral for girls and boys to be friends. when you find him again just before graduation, he's different than you remember; but so are you. content warnings | female reader, she/her, reader is implied to be smaller (i'm sorry), discussion of gender roles & religion, no religion is mentioned by name but it's heavily implied to be a form of christianity, reader & shua are both seniors in college, reader wears skirts/dresses but not really by choice, this whole thing is pretty blasphemous oops smut warnings | descriptions of female anatomy, virgin!joshua x virgin!reader, mutual masturbation, phone sex, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (reader receiving), hints of a voice kink, size kink, praise, begging, really vanilla missionary but it's hot, nicknames (sweetheart, baby, angel) notes | although i am no longer religious, this is partially based off of my own experiences with the extremely traditional christian church i was raised in. however, please keep in mind that this is fiction and does not reflect my beliefs nor joshua's beliefs so don't take the plot too seriously. this piece is not meant to discuss whether certain religions are "right" or "wrong" so please do not comment/send me asks trying to start a debate! we're all just here for a little sexy time with shua it's not that deep note #2 | for those who aren't familiar, the title is the name of a hymn and i thought it was funny bc joshua big sexy arms hehehe

as far back as you could remember, joshua was your closest friend.

his father was the pastor of the church your family went to, and as luck would have it you were both in the same grade, so it wasn’t long before you became inseparable. you saw him at minimum three times a week: sunday morning, sunday evening, wednesday evening.

you spent most of your childhood together. sitting next to each other at every service, sharing your bibles with each other whenever one of you left them at home, sneaking donuts away from the box at the table outside the sermon hall that was supposed to only be for the adults.

you did everything together, and told each other everything. that is, until you reached middle school. boys and girls weren’t allowed to sit in the same services anymore, and you had to stay in separate buildings for every church camp and conference. 

the worst part was you didn’t even understand why. what did they think you were gonna do with him? kiss him? no amount of money in the world could get you to do that! joshua was your best friend. who else were you supposed to climb trees and build forts and sneak donuts with? kissing was stupid.

when you asked your mom about it, she told you the same thing everyone else did: about how men of god had a different path and needed to hear different messages in order to grow up to lead their own churches one day. you thought it was stupid. what if a woman wanted to lead a church, why are men the ones that have to do it? but she would just shake her head and tell you it's just the way things work in the church, you'll understand when you're older.

you were allowed near him less and less until the only time you were able to see him was at the after-service brunch with his family, and even then that began to happen less and less as the years went on.

and of course it was church rules, so there was no arguing with them because that would mean arguing with god, and who were you to question his authority? there would be no special exception for you, no matter how much you protested to your mom that you would never, ever think about joshua like that. in a fit of anger one day you blew up at her, shouting that she had had friends of the opposite gender when she was in high school, so why couldn’t you? it wasn’t fair. but she had just sighed and stared out the window, clearly ending the conversation. many years passed before she finally told you about her life before she came to church, recalling all the times she had been hurt by men she had loved and trusted. you understood then why she had wanted to keep you sheltered and safe, but you still didn’t agree. but then again, if you had been allowed to do what you wanted then maybe things would never have ended up the way they did. perhaps you have her to thank.

back then, all you could do was hold on to the little time you had with him until eventually you stopped seeing him altogether. 

more summers passed and you started spending all of your time memorizing bible verses with your fellow “women of christ”, missing the way you used to spend your time with your best friend.

but then you went off to bible college like had always been planned for you, and everything changed. instead of continuing to follow the strict schedule that was laid out for you, you finally got a little taste of freedom, and you realized what you’d been missing all this time. everything that you’d been taught was sinful, evil, wicked, was what brought you more pleasure than you’d ever known was possible.

you still had to pretend to be a good girl for the people around you, who, for reasons you couldn’t comprehend, were still dedicated to their life of purity. or at least they acted like it. maybe everyone was secretly just like you, hiding their sins behind a friendly smile and a firm handshake every sunday morning.

you weren’t hurting anyone with the things you did in private, and the feeling of rebellion was a kind of satisfaction you didn’t know you were allowed to feel. you were an adult, making your own choices now and facing whatever consequences that came with them.

there was only one consequence. for some reason, all the impure thoughts you had always centered around joshua. no matter what dirty books you read or videos you watched, the man you always pictured giving it to you was joshua.

you hated that after all these years, everything still came back to him. you fought it, tried imagining actors or celebrities in his place instead; characters from your books and movies and shows, anyone but him. you wanted to save whatever memories you had left of him, think of him in a good light like you used to when you were younger, but the way he plagued your mind was worse than the ones in the book of exodus.

but now, in your final year of college, you thought you had finally gotten yourself under control.

that is, until you were leaving one of your bible lectures and all the control you’d convinced yourself that you had crumbled away in mere seconds when you saw a startlingly familiar face standing by the door. a face you hadn’t seen in far too long. 

“joshua?”

“hey,” he says with a smile, like no time has passed at all. like it’s been hours since you’ve seen each other, not years. 

there are so many things you want to say, so many things you want to ask him, but you’re frozen in place. why is he here? where has he been? how did he find you again?

“it’s been a while,” he says with an awkward laugh when you don’t say anything.

you nod, still in a daze. “yeah. quite a while.”

he smiles. “well, anyway, i’ve got a meeting to go to in a bit, but… i just wanted to see you.”

“oh,” you say. what else is there to say? what can you say to make up for the years lost that you’ll never get back?

he looks at his watch, the conversation clearly coming to an end.

“can i give you my phone number?” he says. a deep shade of pink creeps into his cheeks but he either doesn’t notice or purposely doesn’t acknowledge it. “maybe we can talk sometime, catch up.”

“i– yeah,” you manage. god, it’s so good seeing him again. “yeah, that would be really nice.”

you’ve given up on homework for the night, spending your entire afternoon in a daze since you ran into joshua.

so many years, yet you still can’t get his smile out of your head.

you close your eyes, hand dipping below the waistband of your pajama pants automatically. it’s frightening how easily you’re able to bring up a picture of him in your mind, so much clearer than before now that you’ve seen what he looks like all grown up.

and grown up, he has. you had been too stunned to get a good look at him while he was in front of you, but the way he’d changed was immediately apparent and the image in your brain now feels almost unreal. 

his hair was a little longer and a little darker, and he was much taller, with broad shoulders that looked way too perfect in a suit jacket. but his face hadn’t changed a bit. maybe his jaw was a little bit sharper and his smile lines were a little bit deeper, but his eyes were the same ones you had always known. 

your hand slips lower and lower until you’re gently running the tips of your fingers over the panel of your underwear covering your pussy, moaning quietly when you feel how wet you are already.

no wonder it’s been so hard for you to focus all day. you’ve been too busy pushing away thoughts of joshua burying his fingers in your tight, wet cunt, cooing about how good you’re being for him and how long he’s waited for you.

automatically you feel your other hand grabbing for your phone, desperate to hear his voice again. you hadn’t said more than a few sentences to him earlier, but you feel like you’ll go crazy if you don’t hear him while you’re in this state. so needy for him and only him, and he doesn’t even know it.

your fingers shake as you press the buttons, knowing you’re about to get yourself into a whole world of trouble but not being able to stop yourself.

“hey.” he answers on the second ring. his tone is deep and husky, and your breath catches in your throat for a second, not used to hearing him talk like that; the last time you heard his voice was long before puberty, and you’re still navigating how to talk to this older, sexier joshua.

your first thought is to wonder if his morning voice sounds equally as sexy, but you’re immediately pushing it out of your head when you hear what sounds like him stifling a yawn.

“sorry, did i wake you? it– it’s not important,” you start, ashamed of how needy you are that you’d call him in the middle of the damn night, unprovoked, like some kind of bible group booty call.

the regret is already starting to set in. he probably hasn’t changed as much as you've built him up in your mind, probably still the obedient gentleman he was before. he’s probably already well on his way to being the head of a church, so of course he wouldn’t be thinking about you like that—

“no. it’s fine,” he says, interrupting your thoughts. “always have time for you, sweetheart. what’s up?”

you shove down the butterflies that flutter up in your stomach at the name he calls you, a nickname he always called you when you were kids because he was taught it was always polite to talk sweet to a lady. 

except it feels so much different now. talking sweet to a lady as kids was easy, innocent. but one wrong word now would completely change the meaning behind those pretty words of his, and you aren’t sure how to feel about it.

“i… just– it’s been so long, joshie,” you whisper, surprised at the sudden feeling of tears springing up behind your eyes. you didn’t mean for this to happen— you didn’t mean for any of it to happen. not back then, and certainly not now.

he lets the line go quiet, finally sighing into the phone after a long pause. “i missed you… so much.” he murmurs your name, and the way the rumble in his voice goes straight through you immediately reminds you why you called him in the first place.

your free hand toys with the hem of your underwear again, fighting to keep down the whimper that threatens to escape you. “missed you too,” you breathe out. god, you can’t believe you’re doing this. but for the first time in years, the man you’ve been picturing in your head is right here with you, fulfilling some of your fantasies that you never thought could ever come true.

somewhere deep in your stomach you feel guilty about it, getting off to the thought of him and he doesn’t even know it. would he want to know? would he be okay with it? would he hate you forever if he knew?

he clears his throat, snapping you back to attention and you realize you must’ve been silent for a while, thinking.

“um, so, what are you doing?” you ask, trying to seem casual, but it comes out as anything but. nobody calls anyone this late at night and asks what they’re doing without having a dirty reason for doing so. 

all you can do is hope he’s either too innocent to pick up on it, or that he doesn’t believe you’re the type of person who would call for something like that. you wonder if he still thinks of you as that perfect little obedient church girl he grew up with.

“nothing, just–working on… stuff,” he replies awkwardly. clearly he doesn’t want to go into detail about what he’s doing, and you’re already afraid you’ve interrupted his sleep; you’re mentally kicking yourself for all the blunders you’ve made, and you haven’t even been on the phone for five minutes.

“what are you doing?” he asks back, and you freeze, trying to come up with some excuse, anything. fuck, think of something!

“h-homework,” you sputter out, attempting to hide your unconfident answer with a cough.

apparently it works, because he hums in response, the line falling quiet. you hear the rustling of papers on his end, and you press your fingers harder against your cunt, heartbeat racing in your ears.

your fingers brush against your clit a little rougher than you intend, and a little whine escapes your lips, catching you off guard. you slap a hand over your mouth, hoping it had been too quiet for him to hear and he hadn’t been paying attention.

“are you…?” he asks suddenly, and your cheeks flush, caught red-handed in your sinful act.

you clear your throat, praying (both metaphorically and literally) that he doesn’t notice anything off about you. “am i what?”

his silence on the other end of the phone speaks volumes.

“joshua, oh my god, no, i–”

“what did you just say?”

you freeze. “what… did i say?”

when he speaks again, his tone is even. “don’t you know it’s a sin to take the lord’s name in vain, sweetheart?”

that nickname again, and now you know he’s doing it on purpose. innocent, pretty words, completely changed in a split second.

you let out a short laugh, scrambling to find a cover. “must’ve forgot then.”

he hums. “i remember you spent a whole month trying to memorize the ten commandments. we must’ve been what, eight or nine? you wouldn’t have forgotten. i may not have seen you since we were kids, but i’ve still known you most of my life.”

“it was an accident, you know how it is. just slips out. of course i remember them all.”

he tsks, and it feels like your heart stops. “did you forget that lying is a sin, too? you’re two for two now, wanna try for a third?”

damn him! damn his good memory and damn his stupid witty comebacks and damn the way he so quickly manages to unravel you.

you scowl and don’t respond to his question, your silence enough of an answer for joshua to know he’s right.

“why did you call me tonight?” he asks calmly.

you answer truthfully this time. “just wanted to hear your voice again. i really did miss you.”

the phone goes quiet again, and for a second you’re afraid he’s hung up, but then you hear him exhale. “it’s late. what are you doing?”

“i’m in bed, josh. don’t worry, father, i’m not staying up past my bedtime.”

he chooses to ignore your remark. “in bed doing what?”

you give him a half-suppressed laugh. “in bed laying down. what else would i be doing?”

“well, with the way you were trying to hide your moans earlier, i would’ve figured you were doing something more exciting. but if you’re just laying down, then i don't want to keep you long, might as well hang up…”

“no!” you squeak out, cutting him off. you swallow, trying to collect yourself as you repeat the word. “no. fine, whatever, you caught me. but– please, stay.” you can hear the plea in your voice and you know you should be embarrassed at how pathetic you sound, but you aren't. the only thing you can think about is joshua, joshua, joshua, and how good it feels to talk to him again.

“i’m here,” he says softly, and you let your eyes close with a sigh, relieved he’s not going to chastise you. but as much as you’ve both changed as you grew up, deep down you knew he wouldn’t. you figure you could do just about anything and he wouldn’t try to tell you what to do. he’d always been like that, and it’s what you’d loved about him; he never tried to control you or shame you for not acting like the perfect little angel everybody wanted you to be. 

you couldn’t say the same about others in the church. maybe that’s why you’d started to drift away from them and why joshua’s friendship coming to an end had left you so devastated. he had been the one and only person you could always count on, and they had not.

“are you still there?” he asks gently, and you realize you’ve been quiet for too long thinking.

“yeah,” you say finally.

“are you still touching yourself?”

you pause, stifling a gasp, taken aback by his forwardness. hearing him say it out loud made everything seem so real, the realization setting in about what you’re actually doing. “n– no.”

and it’s true. your hand has long since dropped away from your pajama pants, too nervous about being discovered to continue.

“well, why not?” he says. “don’t stop on my account.”

your mouth falls open. “i–”

“clearly you wanted something from me when you called. what is it, sweetheart? i can’t help you if i don’t know what it is you want.”

your brain practically short circuits at that, and it takes a very long minute for you to collect your thoughts into a coherent sentence. you want a lot of things, but you don’t know what’s okay to say or not or if he even wants to keep going. which is a silly thought, because he wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t want to know. it dawns on you that maybe… maybe he’s curious, maybe he’s thinking about you, too.

“what kind of help?” you ask, still testing the waters. you think you have an idea of what he means, but you ask anyway. you’ve never done anything like this with anyone else, only by yourself; not because you didn’t want to, but because you didn’t want it to be with someone who wasn’t joshua.

“you said you wanted to hear my voice,” he says, and you swear his tone has dropped an octave. “then let me talk to you.”

you whine a little, still holding back but not putting in as much effort to hide it. “m’kay.”

“would it make you feel better if i told you i’m hard right now?”

you suck in a breath. “yeah?”

“yeah,” he says. “just thinking about you.”

you feel a rush of emotion at his admittance. pride? satisfaction? whatever it is, it makes your cunt throb, knowing that just the thought of you can get him going.

finally you dare to slide your hand down your pants again, unsurprised when you find your underwear sticking to you with how wet you are. you’re soaking, and you haven’t even done anything yet.

“hold on,” you manage, putting the call on speaker as you set your phone on the table beside your bed, scrambling to shove your pants and ruined panties off and onto the floor.

once free, you pick up your phone and turn off the speaker, holding it to your ear with shaky hands.

“all ready now?” he asks softly, and it reminds you of what he used to say before you’d play pretend games together. always making sure you were ready. he was hot back then, too, and you mentally curse yourself for never realizing it sooner.

you hum. “mhm. comfortable.”

“good,” he says, and you can almost hear him smiling. “go ahead and do whatever you’d like. but i want you to tell me what you’re thinking about right now.”

you squirm a little on the bed as you start to circle your clit with your fingers. “thinking about you, joshua,” you sigh, finally beginning to feel relief.

“yeah?”

“yeah. you look even better than i thought you would,” you groan, picking up your pace a little as you slip your index finger inside your walls.

he chuckles. “oh, really?”

“mhm. god, i never thought i’d be doing this. especially not with you.”

“and why is that, baby?”

the name makes you shiver. you’d imagined him calling you it many times, but hearing him actually say it is completely different.

“because—” you whimper, losing your train of thought when your brain suddenly pictures his fingers inside you instead of your own. “i’m so close already, please—”

his tone is gentle but firm. “i want you to stop now.”

“but– ah, feels so good, shua,” you say, moans spilling out of you, finally letting him hear everything you’ve been holding back.

you hear him curse in that low voice through the phone, and your hand stills for a split second in shock, your eyes widening. as far as you knew, he never swore. but then again, there were a lot of things he never did that you're discovering about him now. looks like you weren’t the only one who changed over the years.

“that’s not my name.”

you sit up a little in confusion, pushing your phone closer to your ear to make sure you’re hearing him right. “huh?”

“my name is joshua. if you’re gonna moan like a sinner about how good it feels when i tell you how to touch yourself, you better use my name properly.” he sounds almost angry, but it only spurs you on even further.

you let his words sink for a second before responding. “yes, sir.”

“fuck,” he moans, he actually moans, and if you weren’t already so far gone you would’ve stopped to listen closer, to ingrain the noise in your brain so you never again forget how he sounds. “what did i just tell you?”

“what, you don’t like being called ‘sir’? thought you wanted to be a pastor, joshua,” you say with a smirk, and you know he hears the mischief in your voice, daring him to give you what you want.

it’s probably a good thing he’s not physically in the room with you, because there's no way you would have been able to muster up the courage to say something like that to his face. you wouldn’t have dared to even look him in the eyes, but being on the phone gives you a head rush. because with only his voice and not seeing his face, you can convince yourself that he still isn’t real, that this whole phone call and even your meeting earlier had just been an elaborate figment of your horny imagination, your denial being the only thing saving your last shred of dignity.

“didn’t realize you’d grow up to be even more of a brat than you were before,” he scoffs, and your cunt pulses. 

“what are you doing right now?” you say, a little desperately. the change of subject isn’t very subtle but you don’t care. you won’t lie, you’ve been curious since the start of what he’s doing but he’s been so focused on you he hasn’t said anything about himself. you want to know everything about him— how he’s moving his hands, where he puts pressure, what he thinks about to get himself closer and closer.

he grunts unceremoniously. “i’m fucking my hand and pretending it’s you.”

“me too,” you whimper, closing your eyes as you focus on the movement of your fingers.

after a while he stops responding, and you can hear his heavy breaths over the line matching with your own gasps for air as you curl your fingers inside of you. you figure he must be getting close, but you ask him anyway, because you want to hear him say it.

“yeah– fuck, so close,” he chokes out, and the way his voice gets higher as he lets out a whimper is what finally makes you come undone.

with a moan of his name—his full name—you cum, clenching around your fingers as you struggle to keep your hand moving. your wrist is starting to cramp up a little from the position you’ve been in, but the pleasure coursing through you is more than worth it. it’s almost dizzying, more powerful than any orgasm you’ve had before and when you finally remove your fingers from your aching cunt your head is spinning and your heart is pounding.

you can hear a muffled string of curses through the phone and you know he’s right behind you. thoughts of him sitting on his bed run rampant in your head, imagining his stomach covered in milky cum and his pretty, pretty lips parted as he catches his breath.

the silence is heavy as you feel yourself come back down from your high. you struggle to find something to say after… whatever that just was, so you say the only thing that’s on your mind.

“i really did miss you, joshua,” you say quietly. unlike before, there’s not a hint of teasing in the way you say his name now.

and he sighs contentedly, finally hearing his name on your lips like he always wanted to. “i know. i missed you too.”

you both say your goodbyes and good nights quickly, still basking in enough of the remnants of your orgasms to not be too awkward about it. but after you’re settled in bed (for real, this time) and about to fall asleep, you can’t help but wonder if things between you and joshua will ever be anything but awkward.

a memory surfaces: you and joshua running around at the park behind the church after a sunday evening service, no older than kindergarteners, laughing and playing until you collapse on the grass. your mom called for you both to get ready to go home, and no you’re not allowed to have a sleepover because it’s a school night but maybe this weekend if his mom is okay with it. before you ran off, he thrust his pinky out towards you and you shook on it, making a pact to always be best friends, even when you can’t have sleepovers. it didn’t ever occur to either of you that there might come a day where you wouldn’t be best friends.

you don’t remember what prompted him to make the pinky promise, but you know he’s never broken it. and you can only hope that he hasn’t forgotten it.

it’s a few days later at one of your bible study groups when you see him next, and yet again you’re caught off-guard like a deer in headlights.

you’re sitting with a group of other ladies, annotating material for a test you couldn’t care less about when you hear your name called out– a familiar deep voice you can only pray doesn’t belong to who you think it belongs to.

oh, but it does belong to him, alright. it feels like you’ve gotten the wind knocked out of you when you turn around and see joshua standing behind you, a warm smile on his face that makes you doubt anything ever happened. maybe it really was all just a delirious dream, too many years of yearning built up into one intense wet dream.

he puts a hand on your shoulder lightly, turning you away from the rest of the ladies. “hey, can we talk somewhere?”

and oh shit it was definitely not a dream.

your cheeks burn as you excuse yourself from the table, packing up your bible and pens and shoving everything in your bag as quickly as you can. you can almost hear the snickering already, the gossips whispering to each other that you must have done something unspeakable if the top-student, pastor’s son, joshua hong has to speak with you privately. ah, if only they knew.

you only wish you could go back there and wipe the smirks off of all their faces and tell them about what the perfect little gentlemen they all pretend they don’t have crushes on was doing on the phone with you last night. you wouldn’t do that, not in a million years, but just the thought of it is satisfaction enough. 

joshua leads you down the hall to a room that looks like an empty office. he opens the door for you, then closes it softly behind you.

“whose is this?” you ask, glancing around the room. 

“it’s… mine,” he says almost shyly, gesturing idly to a little engraved nameplate on the desk. joshua hong, pastor’s assistant. because of fucking course he would be.

“oh.”

he clears his throat, and in that moment you realize he’s just as nervous as you are. “listen…” he starts, taking a pause. “about the other night–”

“are you gonna kick me out?” you interrupt.

his brows knit together in confusion. “what?”

“are you gonna expel me?”

“no?” he says, still looking at you, baffled. “why would i do that? i don’t even think i have the power to, even if i wanted. which, for the record, i don’t.”

you don’t reply, focusing your gaze on the carpet instead.

he frowns. “is that really how you think of me? that i just go around tattling to my dad? from that… conversation, i thought it was clear i’m not like that anymore.”

the tips of your ears are burning at the memory of all the things you said to each other over the phone. but it never occurred to you that maybe he was just as sinful as you had been.

you stay quiet, the silence stretching on as shame and embarrassment and a hundred other emotions swirl in your mind and you struggle to figure out what to say.

luckily for you he fills the silence himself. he exhales, looking down at a stack of papers on the desk. “god, you… you don’t know how much i missed you. i thought about you all the time.”

“so did i,” you manage to whisper. “in more ways than you know.”

he gives you a teasing smile. “oh, i have a feeling i do know.”

you hold back a cough and look away, focusing your attention on a painting of flowers on the wall. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“if that’s how you wanna play this, fine.”

your curiosity piques, and you look back at him. he motions to the seat in front of the desk, wordlessly asking you to sit. hesitantly you do, and he starts to sit down at the swivel chair behind the desk, but you clear your throat and he glances up.

“can– can you not sit over there?” you ask softly. “feels like i’m being scolded.”

his expression softens a little, and he rolls the chair back into place, opting to sit next to you instead. “of course.”

except maybe you shouldn’t have asked him to do that, because now he’s sitting toe to toe with you and the closeness is overwhelming. at least on the other side of the desk there was enough distance for you to shrink and hide behind, but here, sitting like this, he can see all of you. and you don’t particularly want to be seen right now.

the tension is palpable as he takes his seat, still watching you. you take the moment to study his features: the slope of his nose and the gentle curve of his lips, the way the light catches on his long eyelashes and the way his broad shoulders look in that perfectly tailored sunday morning service suit.

“i always liked you,” he starts, and your gaze shoots up to his eyes. you open your mouth to ask something, but he shakes his head and you immediately fall silent, letting him finish. “i was almost glad when they made us go to different sunday school classes, because i wouldn’t have to sit there and pretend i didn’t have the craziest crush on you.”

“joshua, i–” you trail off, not even knowing what to say.

he pauses, as if debating his next words. “and i know it’s wrong, but i couldn’t get you out of my head when i… y’know.” his cheeks are flushed but he doesn’t look away from you, eyes searching your own for any hesitance or any sign that you don’t want this.

it’s then that you realize that the boldness you had felt hiding behind your phone, he had felt it too. saying words alone in your room at night was easy. sitting in public, in the daylight, and saying those same words to his face was so much scarier. and knowing that you’re both feeling awkward and shy and a little uncertain of how to talk about it gives you the confidence to keep going.

“when you would what?” you pry. you already know the answer but you want to hear it come out of his mouth anyway. you’ve already heard him say it, but something about sitting in his office, in a church, speaking such filth ignites a spark in you that’s completely different from the spark you felt a few nights ago.

he clears his throat and looks you in the eye, maybe gaining a little bit of that confidence, too. “when i would jerk off i would always wish it was your sweet little mouth instead of my own hand.”

you inhale sharply, and that’s when he finally breaks eye contact, his guilt-ridden gaze shifting to the wall behind you as his cheeks burn redder. “i didn’t feel good about it. felt like i was doing it without your permission, and i didn’t want that. i–”

“yes,” you say hurriedly.

he stops short at your interruption, instantly looking back at you. “yes…?”

“yes, you have my permission. whatever you want, joshua, always.”

his eyes narrow, almost imperceptibly, but you recognize it. even after all these years, after so much has changed, you still know his tells. you wonder if he still knows yours.

he murmurs your name in response, almost like a warning. “don’t say stuff like that,” he says, letting out a shaky breath.

“why not?” you ask, feigning innocence. but you know exactly what you’re doing, and you know exactly how you affect him: the same way he affects you.

he looks up at you. “you really are just as much of a brat as you were back then, aren’t you?” he says with just a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“why don’t you find out?”

he groans, leaning back in his chair. “do you know how long i’ve wanted to kiss you?” he says finally.

“probably just as long as i’ve wanted to kiss you,” you counter, and he raises an eyebrow.

you both stand up at the same moment, closing the distance in less than a second. 

you stare at his chest in front of you to avoid his eyes, until he brings up a hand and gently tilts your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“are– you gonna get in trouble?” you breathe, heartbeat pounding in your ears as you stare at his perfect, perfect lips.

he hums, and it sends a shiver down your spine at the close proximity. “are you still giving me permission?” he asks, and you quickly shake your head yes. 

“always.”

he smooths his thumb across your cheek. “then i won’t be in any trouble at all."

and then his hand moves to hold the back of your neck and he's tilting his head and bringing his lips towards yours and then finally, after years of dreaming about it and even more years of denying it, you're finally kissing joshua and there's so many things happening at once that you can't seem to focus on anything because your mind is so full of everything and nothing and joshua and it all just feels so right.

you’re melting in his arms and falling into his touch and enjoying every fucking second of it. your heart speeds up when his hands slide behind your back, wrapping around your body to pull you closer to him, pressed chest to chest.

he pulls away to kiss you again, and again, and again, and you decide you’d be content to be like this forever, standing in his office in the church building making out like you’re the only two people on earth. 

but finally his lips leave yours, and he takes a tiny step backwards, heaving out a shaky breath as he looks you in the eyes. “what are we gonna do now?”

your heart plummets, doubts racing through your mind. did he not like it? does he not like you? did you really just ruin everything? why did he stop? why did he ask that—

but all your questions are answered in an instant when he coughs and you look down, finally noticing the prominent bulge in his dress pants. oh. that.

when you look back up at him his cheeks are flushed bright red, and he immediately begins to apologize.

“shua,” you call out to him, repeating his name the way you know he likes. “joshua. don’t worry about it. it’s fine.”

in fact, you find it incredibly flattering, that just a few kisses and gentle touches could get him this worked up. maybe it really has been you all along.

with a surge of confidence, you step back towards him, wrapping your arms around him and leaning to kiss him. “are you busy today?” you murmur, your cheek brushing against his.

he shudders, hands automatically finding your waist and pushing your hips against his own. “no. are you?”

you sigh, kissing the corner of his mouth. “not anymore.”

“fuck,” he curses, his grip on your body tightening “you really want to…?” he asks, almost shyly, as if he’s in denial this is really happening.

“absolutely,” you say, and you’ve never meant anything more in your life.

in a second he’s got you shoved against his desk, sending papers flying to the floor as he lifts you by your ass to sit you down on top of it. your kisses turn rougher and needier, your hands grabbing at anything you can reach to ground yourself: his hair, his shoulders, his back.

finally he breaks free, dropping to his knees in front of the desk. “please, let me eat you out.”

you moan out loud, probably too loudly for the thin walls of the office. but the visual of him on his knees to do anything other than pray drives you mad, and you need more of him, desperately. “joshua, please.”

he pushes your skirt up your thighs, moving it out of his way so he can stare eye to eye with your pussy. you whimper and instinctively try to hide your face in embarrassment, but something tells you he wouldn’t like that, so you resist, keeping your hands firmly planted on the edge of the desk.

“fuck, you’re soaking,” he says, his voice broken. “you’re so perfect.”

his hands reach up to tug at the hem of your underwear, and he looks up at you, silently asking for permission to continue. you nod eagerly, lifting your hips off the desk so he can slide them off of you, revealing your glistening entrance.

he whines at the sight, pretty lips parted in shock? awe? as if he can’t wait to taste you. he pushes his face into your pussy, gently at first, but when you moan and bring your hand up to his hair he dives deeper.

the moment he attaches his mouth to your clit, you jump, gasping as you try to shut your legs around his head but his large hands keep you held open. his tongue explores every inch of you, moving back and forth, up and down, mapping out your cunt with his mouth. 

“fuck, never dreamed you’d taste so good,” he sighs against your pussy, leaning away to take a breath after what feels like forever.

your legs are shaking and your cunt is throbbing as you also try to catch your breath. you’re not used to being touched like this and you’re definitely not used to being touched by joshua. so many thoughts running through your head and not a single one of them coherent enough to put into words. all you can do is weakly whine out joshua’s name and tug on his hair, pleading for him to keep going. you need release, and you don’t want it from anyone but him.

he stands up, his pants wrinkled from kneeling on the floor but still tented with a bulge so uncomfortably large you feel dizzy just thinking about it. you don’t even know if he’s going to fuck you or even if he wants to, but god you want to see his cock so bad. too many restless nights spent thinking about it, and now you might finally have the chance to see it in front of your face.

your mouth waters at the thought, and you start to slide off the desk, but joshua stops you. “what are you…?”

you look up at him, eyes blown wide with lust and you don’t even attempt to hide your eagerness. “please let me suck your dick. joshua, please.”

he whines, running a hand through his hair. “god, i want that so bad, but… i don’t think i can last if you do, and i was really hoping to fuck you.”

you close your eyes and roll your head back, moaning at his vulgar confession. but he sighs, and he sounds almost defeated, and you look back at him quickly, afraid he’s suddenly changed his mind.

“i’m not—prepared,” he admits, and you tilt your head in confusion before it sinks in what he means.

“ah. don’t suppose you would have any condoms lying around, would you, mr. pastor’s assistant?” you ask playfully, and he shoots you a glare.

“brat,” he mutters under his breath, but you hear it, and your walls clench in response. “no, i don’t have any. not interested in anybody else, so… no reason to.” he looks like he has more to say, more serious things to say, but he keeps his mouth shut, his eyes searching your face nervously.

your stomach flips at his words, feeling your cheeks heating up. you hadn’t thought you would ever get this far, and especially not with him. because of the kind of school you were at, it wasn’t like the people here were doing the kind of things you’ve been doing—at least not publicly. even if you’d wanted to hook up with somebody (which you didn’t), everyone in your vicinity would shame you for even bringing it up. you may have experience with yourself, but anything with anyone else is completely new territory for you.

you fall silent, not sure how to continue the conversation as all your newfound confidence begins to crumble. what were you thinking? caught up in the heat of the moment, saying things you weren’t sure you meant. you were in love with him: that much you were sure of. but everything that comes after that is too new, too scary, at least for right now. you can barely even comprehend that he just went down on you, but you know you enjoyed it and honestly, you’d give anything for him to do it again. but there’s too much going on inside your head for you to even begin to process that right now.

he calls your name and you blink, looking back at him anxiously. “we… don’t have to. right now, or even at all,” he says gently. the tips of his ears are burning red but his voice is calm and steady.

“joshua, i want to,” you start, clasping your hands tightly together in your lap to give you something to focus on other than the way he’s watching you so intently. “but i– don’t know how.”

“neither do i, baby,” he says. the nickname makes you shiver; even though it’s not the first time he’s called you that, especially after the other night, you’re still not used to it. but somehow it’s comforting, and it makes you relax knowing that he’s still the same person you grew up with, the same person that knows almost everything about you. you’ve both changed so much, but deep down you haven’t changed at all.

he pauses when you don’t say anything back. “we’ll wait, then,” he says and wraps his arms around you, lightly at first but then squeezing when you don’t try to pull away. “we have all the time in the world. no need to rush.”

“we… do?” your voice is laced with uncertainty.

he smiles. “of course. i let you go once already, i’m not letting it happen again. never again.”

you turn your head away from him and hide your face, flustered by how sincere he sounds. he hums, and you can hear the pout in his tone so you fight your embarrassment and turn back towards him to ask the question that’s been weighing on your mind since you first saw him days ago. “this is gonna sound so stupid, but… shua, what are we?”

first you were childhood friends, you were best friends, and then you were nothing. right place, wrong time? and then you were… doing something on the phone together, whatever you could call that. and now you were just sitting on top of his desk, sweating from having almost had sex. how do you even begin to put a label on this?

“well, i’d like to be yours,” he says shyly, and just like that all your questions are answered with six small words. you realize it doesn’t matter what label you have; as long as you have him, that’s all that matters.

“yes,” you breathe, lifting your eyes to finally meet his and you see all the love in his eyes threatening to spill over.

he reaches up to brush a piece of your hair out of your face. “i’m just glad i finally have you back,” he says with a soft smile as he watches you. “we’ll go slow, we’ll wait— whatever you want. whatever it takes not to lose you again.”

you bury your face in his chest with a whine. you’re hiding again, but even the uncomfortable scratchiness of his dress shirt can’t pull you away from him.

“besides, i don’t want our first time together to be in my stupid little office,” he chuckles and holds you tighter against him, pressing a kiss to the top of your head that makes your heart flutter. “you deserve better than that.”

you stay there for a long moment, hugging him like it's the last time you'll ever see him. but this time you know it won't be the last. it's the first, the first of hopefully many, many more.

when you feel like you've been standing there too long, you clear your throat and lean your head back to look at him. "so, um… now what?"

he pauses, those pretty lips turned up in a smile. "do you have plans for lunch?"

"no, i just had that study group you pulled me from. i'm free for the rest of the day."

his smile widens. "perfect. you still like grilled cheese, or did you grow out of that, too?"

you laugh, putting your chin on his shoulder as you hug him. "i haven't changed that much, shua."

after taking a while to collect yourselves (waiting for his erection to go back down so you can leave together without looking suspicious), you walk out of joshua’s office the happiest you've felt in years.

he'd wanted to hold your hand, too, but you were still anxious about anyone seeing you together that you'd refused him until you made it to his car. you were probably just being paranoid and no one would care about two responsible adults talking to each other, but all the time you'd spent hiding from your peers had put you on edge.

so, it wasn't until you were safely out of the church parking lot and in the driveway of his apartment complex that you let him touch you, kissing you over the cupholders with his hands gently holding your neck.

it took everything in you not to climb over the center console and sit on his lap in the driver's seat and kiss him as hard and as deeply as you really wanted, but you knew once you started you wouldn't be able to stop. and besides, he still didn't have any condoms. it didn't bother you either way, since you'd been taking birth control since high school to help with your periods, but if it was what he wanted you'd be more than fine with it.

you don't know what you'd been expecting the inside his apartment to look like; probably some tacky cross-stitch bible verses or a wooden cross hanging on the wall, but his apartment just looked like… a normal apartment. a very clean apartment, actually, though you weren't surprised. he'd always been a neat, organized kid, and it looked like that was one thing he hadn't grow out of.

you watch as he puts his keys on a hook by the door, following him into the kitchen and sitting at one of the chairs.

he grins at you as he opens his refrigerator, pulling out the ingredients for your lunch before taking out a pan.

"shua…" you interrupt him, standing up and walking towards him slowly. "you're not— really thinking about grilled cheese sandwiches right now, are you?"

he hums, eyes following your every movement as the pan sits cold and abandoned on the stove. "there are… other things on my mind, yeah."

"so why are you still trying to make grilled cheese sandwiches?"

by now you're close enough to stand toe to toe with him, and you're sure he can feel the heat radiating off your body when he wraps his hands around your waist, backing you against the kitchen counter. "because i wanna make you lunch. maybe i just wanna spoil my girl a little bit."

a shiver runs down your spine at the new name he calls you. never in a million years did you think this is where you'd end up.

"i think you have all the time in the world to spoil me later, joshua," you mumble, leaning in closer and closer until your lips touch.

in a flash he's hoisting you up and sitting you on the counter. his mouth never leaves yours as you slide your legs around his hips to drag him closer, kisses growing deeper and more desperate now that you can finally be alone together.

his hands slide down your body, tugging at the hem of your shirt and only breaking apart for a second to slide it over your head before his lips are crashing against yours again. 

your hands find his hips, experimentally tugging on his belt to see his reaction. immediately he pulls away from you, 

cheeks flushed and breathing heavily. "sweetheart, i still don't have any condoms. if you really want to now, then we gotta run to the store first."

“i’m on the pill,” you burst out, hoping he gets the message. maybe he has some other reason for wanting to, but you're too impatient to wait for who knows how long it'll take to go to the store, and you don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off him for that long. you don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off of him for even a few seconds.

his face goes blank as he processes your words, struggling to understand if you’re saying what he thinks you’re saying. “you’d let me…?”

you grab onto his arms, a desperate attempt to pull him closer, to feel more of him. “raw, yes, joshua. just—please, i need you,” you beg him, cunt throbbing with neglect as you wait for him to answer. 

he buries his face in your shoulder with a groan, gripping his hands underneath your thighs and sliding you off the counter.

with a shriek you wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, holding on tightly as he starts to walk out of the kitchen carrying you. "joshua! what the hell are you doing?"

his face is still pressed against your shoulder, and you can feel his lips tickling your bare skin as he speaks. "i'll fuck you on my kitchen counter any day of the week, baby, but i want to have you for the first time in my bed, please?"

his voice is low and whiny, just as desperate for you as you are for him and it makes you moan with excitement. 

he finds his way into his room, stumbling a little when he accidentally runs you into the wall instead of through the doorway, but you just giggle and kiss him harder until he finally drops you on his bed, immediately unbuttoning his shirt.

you run your hands along his chest as he leans over you, feeling the toned muscle that feels almost wrong to be seeing. his physical changes are much more obvious to you now that he's like this, and you know the image will fuel your fantasies for weeks.

your hands move to his belt again and this time he allows it, letting you unbuckle it and toss it away before slowly lowering the zipper. he's already hard again, and your heart races when you put a little bit of pressure on the seam and he lets out a guttural groan in response.

his arms flex as he reaches down to slide your skirt off, and you help him and kick the fabric away, leaving both of you in nothing but your underwear.

joshua pauses, letting his gaze wander your body as you look away shyly. he hums and you look back at him in confusion. "don't hide from me, sweetheart, please," he says, but it comes out more like a whine; not like he's asking, but like he's begging. it's honestly the hottest thing you've ever heard, and even with your nerves he makes it hard to resist.

"dreamt about this for fucking years. years," he moans as he leans over to kiss your chest, reaching behind your body to undo your bra and let it fall away. you whimper when he brings his hands up to cup your breasts, wrapping his mouth around one of your nipples as he starts to slowly grind against your clothed pussy. you can already feel yourself soaking through your panties, and you're sure he can feel it, too.

his hands are like nothing you've ever felt, and you roll your head back against his pillows, arching into him as he massages your breasts with his large hands. you'd noticed them before, but you hadn't realized just how big they were until they were on top of you and made your body seem almost tiny beneath his massive palms.

"shua…" you breathe, tentative hands reaching up to touch his shoulders.

he looks up at you, mouth covered in spit. "yes, angel?"

you whimper at the nickname. no angel you'd ever learned about in sunday school had acted like you are right now, begging a man to fuck you. and on top of that it was before marriage, too; surely if there was a god they would be extremely disappointed in you. but right now you didn't care if the entire universe was disappointed in you, as long as joshua hong wasn't.

it takes you a few more seconds to build up your courage, but finally you open your mouth and tell him, "joshua, please— fuck me."

he slides forward to kiss you again, before sitting back and repositioning himself between your legs. "anything you want, sweetheart."

he lines his cock up at your entrance, and just before you think he's about to push into you, he looks up at you instead. 

"i love you, so much," he says, and you have to fight the urge to hide your face as you grin and giggle like a fucking schoolgirl; like the past version of you would have, if she'd had any sense and figured everything out sooner.

and, like always, he asks, "ready?", and you nod, and it's better than you could've ever imagined.

the whines that leave his mouth drive you close to the edge already as he begins to thrust into you, slowly, gently, just a little bit at a time but it still leaves you gasping from his size.

he keeps moving at a snail's pace until you reach up, fumbling to grab at his bicep as tears nearly spill out of your eyes and beg him, "joshua, more, please."

he leans over you, pressing his body flat against yours as he starts to rock his hips faster, and you cry out from so much pleasure and so much emotion hitting all at once.

"wanted you so fucking bad, for so long, and now you're finally here," he whispers, his thrusts never faltering despite how close in proximity he is to your face.

you whine as your hands claw at his back, digging in as you struggle to hold on and he curses again, pushing into you harder.

"you said i was better than you imagined," he groans, one hand coming up to caress your cheek. "but you're even better than i imagined. you're a fucking angel, so fucking beautiful."

you gasp his name, falling into your orgasm from his words alone as you clench impossibly tight around him. you always thought of him as the nice kid, the rule follower, but here he is, fucking you through the hardest orgasm of your life and saying such filthy things in between praises and compliments.

"jo-oshua, please!" is all you can manage, still struggling to recover before he crests into his own high with a whimper. his eyes scrunch up as he releases inside you, eyelashes fluttering and sweat dripping down his temples, and you think it's the most beautiful sight you've ever seen. 

a constant stream of curses fall from his lips and you swallow them with yours, kissing him as if you're afraid he might disappear into thin air if you don't hold onto him tight enough.

his breaths are shallow when his mouth falls away from you, resting his forehead on your shoulder with a long exhale.

"god…" he starts, then stops and laughs, and you have to tug on his hair to make him face you again.

"what are you laughing at?" you say, cheeks growing hot when he looks at you with droopy, hooded eyes and a lopsided smile.

"nothing," he laughs. "just god. what a funny word."

"and why is that, baby?" you say as you try to hold back a smile, testing out the nickname.

he grins. "because it gave me you. or maybe it didn't. who knows?"

you finally laugh along with him, remembering what he'd said to you on the phone that feels like years ago. "don’t you know it’s a sin to take the lord’s name in vain, sweetheart?”

the church is humming with activity as you make your way to the front pew, carrying two donuts in your hand. people greet you as they mingle about the hall, talking and laughing. some wave excitedly when they see you, others simply smile and offer their hand for you to shake with a friendly “good morning and god bless!”

being a pastor’s wife isn’t something you ever imagined yourself doing, but then again, a lot of things in your life you never imagined doing. you never imagined seeing joshua again, and you never imagined marrying him, either. you certainly didn’t imagine taking over your father-in-law’s church when he retired and decided it was time for joshua to take his place as head of the church. you always knew he would someday, whether he wanted to or not, but you’d be happy to spend the rest of your life by his side no matter where he was or what job he had.

you’d been almost nervous when you decided it was finally time to tell your parents you had been seeing each other, but to your surprise they had been overjoyed at the news. both his family and yours were “just so glad when it happened to be you!”, saying things like “we’d always known it would happen, back since you were children!”, and “so when are we going to get some beautiful little grandchildren to take to sunday school!”

it had been five long and happy years since that very first phone call, and every minute you spend with joshua has been the best of your life.

you walk up the steps to the stage where your husband is waiting, flipping through his notes for the morning’s sermon. you hand him his donut with a grin, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. he smirks at you, imperceptible to everyone else but you can tell what it truly means.

everybody in the congregation always talks you’re the perfect example of a happy, god-loving couple. such nice looking people, so well put together. but behind closed doors, they’d be horrified by the things you say and do together. wolf in sheep’s clothing, as is your husband’s favorite parable to preach.

it’s not the life you imagined, but it’s perfect to you and him.

i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging with tags or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!

> taglist | @wonderfulshinee @noniestars @onlymingyus @just-here-to-read-01 @wonuziex @enhacolor @yourfavoritefreakyhan @dkakapizzaboy @zozojella @rainyjeno @jwnghyuns @darlingvernon @uwuheeseungie @miriamxsworld @synthetickitsune @simeonswhore @junhour @foxdaisy @honglynights

> strikethrough means your blog cannot be tagged, please check your visibility settings to ensure you can be tagged properly

> if you want to be notified when i post a new fic, you can join my taglist here!

natural

PAIRING: joshua hong x reader GENRE: established relationship, fluff WC: 328 WARNING: reader is overthinking

Joshua knows all the way to that pretty head of yours. The way you think, the way you overthink, the way you play out every scenario. So when you fell quiet after he finished his story about his coworkers, he was already on his way to hold you.

"Do you still love me?" you muttered.

"Of course I love you" he smiled. His hands come up, sandwiching your face in between his palms. It's not the first time you've asked such a question, and he's never tired of assuring you that he loves you still. "Loving you is natural, darling," he coos.

Natural is a fitting word. Joshua breathes adoration for you, his hands are made perfectly to carry your heart and keep it from breaking, his heartbeat is your mantra to go through the day, and his smile is your safe haven from the harsh world.

Joshua presses a kiss on your lips, distracting you from all the train thoughts of the future's what-ifs.

"I love you, do you hear me?" he asks. If he could, he wants to have half of your worry, or better yet, make it disappear. Because you deserve all of the love in the world despite whatever people (or the voices in your head) say.

"I love you," he said again, brushing his nose with yours. He finds it easy to say that word out loud, it rolls out of his tongue almost instantly whenever you cross his mind. He doesn't even have to try.

"I love love love love love you," he said with such tenderness. He doesn't mind repeating that word, doesn't mind whispering it in your ear when you're half asleep in his arms, doesn't mind if he had to say only that word for the rest of his life.

And it helps you to relax that he loves you equally as much, if not more than you do him.

"I love you, Shua. I love you beyond words."

a/n. this was inspired by YoungK's song - Natural like that song is so soft and makes me feel loved:")

carry your heart

PAIRING: joshua hong x reader GENRE: fluff WC: 518 WARNINGS: none~

Joshua always helps you carry your purse and every other thing, including your feelings.

"I think I left... oh, right," you grin when Joshua brings forward your purse. You link your arm with his free one, leaning closer to press a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Josh."

Joshua smiled back at you, securing your purse in his other hand. He loves carrying your purse, one because you often leave them lying around without supervision, and two because he can store his phone and some other belongings in them. It's a win-win solution.

You stopped before going into the venue, smoothing the front of your dress.

"Still nervous?" Joshua stepped in front of you, trying to find your eyes.

You look up at him, seeing his sincere gaze fixed on you, the way it always does all this time. He had convinced you to come and meet his friends since all of them are in town. A small gathering, but somehow, you feel intimidated. These were the people that Joshua knew from such a young age, the people who stayed through all the ups and downs in his life. You envy them, but you're more scared that they will dismiss you easily.

"Darling?" He called you, tilting his head slightly.

"I'm fine," you tell him. Offering a genuine smile. Your fear can sit this one out.

"I promise they don't bite," he joked lightly. He then took your hand back in his arms and walked together inside the venue. You were immediately greeted by the warm atmosphere and playful energy that filled the room. Joshua turned to you, watching as a smile blooms on your face.

Soon enough, you were engaging in conversations with his friends, exchanging jokes and stories about him.

"I like her," someone spoke beside him. He had excused himself to grab a drink five minutes ago. In his hands, two glasses of soda but he stopped himself from going directly to you. Joshua smiled at the comment, his heart swelled at the amount of adoration his friends showed you.

"I like her too," Joshua said mindlessly. "No, I love her actually," he said when you turned your head to where he was standing, offering a smile and a little wave. His friend just grinned and smiled at his antics.

"Did you have fun?" Joshua asks when you both walk back to his car. Your purse is still secured on his arm. Goodbyes were exchanged, and the night was finally setting in with the moon shining brightly.

"You know, I was afraid that they wouldn't like me," you pondered. "But they're the nicest person I've ever met, Josh," you added.

"How could someone don't like you, darling?" Joshua chuckled lightly. He knows for one thing none of his friends would dislike you. Not when you're the only person who could paint the sweetest smile on his face for days on end.

You only laugh in response, feeling way lighter than before. This is how you trust Joshua; with all of your feelings packed in a purse. Trust him to always know how to handle them.

a/n. daily streak of wanting THE joshua hong to be my boyfriend count: 1

Calico

Choi Y/N is pretty, smart, and funny and she knows it - mostly because she hears it all the time from the men (read: victims) she dates. She's about to get a taste of her own medicine.

Pairing: Joshua x female reader; mentions of Mingyu x female reader, Woozi x female reader, Seokmin x female reader, Jeonghan x female reader Genres: (a little) fluff, (quite a bit of) angst, smut, college au

Word count: 31k

TW/CW: MDNI, contains smut with no protection mentioned (be safe please!!), mentions of alcohol, food, a whole lot of cyber bullying, mentions of some tough family dynamics such as divorce.

A/N: The way these characters are written in no way indicates reality as this is entirely a work of fiction. This was initially inspired by John Tucker Must Die, but took a left turn or two as it came together.

Recommended playlist: Calico by DPR Ian; Easy by Jaehyun; Lie to Girls by Sabrina Carpenter

Act One

Joshua carefully ties the black apron around his waist. He’s in a pair of black slacks, a black button down shirt, and a black tie - the required uniform that’s way nicer than some of the ones he’s had to wear before. It’s only his third week at one of the many upscale sushi places in town. Minghao, his new roommate, had recommended him for a job and the manager had blindly agreed without really looking at Joshua’s resume. The manager said they needed the help since school was going to be back in session soon and they expected an influx of foot traffic. That worked perfectly for Joshua because while the hourly wage left a little to be desired as a lot of waiting jobs did, the tips were good here and he didn’t mind eating sushi everyday on his break. 

This wasn’t Joshua’s first waiting job, so he didn’t need a manager to tell him what to do when he arrived for his shift. On his first day, he’d had exactly two hours of training before the shift leader said he didn’t need it. He found out which section he’d be waiting on tonight and when the hostess led a couple to one of his tables, he was right behind them. 

With a practiced smile, he greeted them. “Good evening. I’m Joshua, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Have you been here before?”

The woman smiles and looks to the man she’s with. He shakes his head, an easy grin on his face. Joshua tells them about the specials and points out some popular items on the menu, before taking their drink orders. 

The thing is, this woman has definitely been here - just not with the man she’s with tonight. In fact, she was here last week and the week before with another man. He glances at them curiously while he waits for the bartender to fix their drinks. The man is handsome and clearly spends a lot of time in the gym. And the woman is beautiful, model-like even. Maybe they’re just friends, he thinks. Pretty people like that tend to flock together. Then he sees them reach out to hold hands across the table. They look like the picture perfect couple. Just like she did with the guy last week too. 

Minghao approaches the bar in a matching uniform and apron, giving his table’s drink orders to the bartender. Then he follows Joshua’s eyes. Joshua’s surprised when he chuckles. 

“Do you know them?” 

Minghao shakes his head. “Not personally. I’d kind of prefer to keep it that way. They go to school with us.” 

Joshua hums. Classes haven’t started yet, so he wouldn’t have known that. He’s a transfer student and knows next to nothing about his potential classmates, or campus yet for that matter beyond the dorm and the student union. He’s hoping Minghao will give him a tour in the next few days so he doesn’t look like a total freshman with a printed map from the Admissions office. 

“They’re cute together. Have they been dating long?” Joshua doesn’t mean anything by the question because he’s just curious and making small talk. Minghao’s nice but they don’t know each other well yet. He’s surprised at how amused Minghao looks at the question.

“Uh, no. And it won’t last either.”

Joshua gives him a perplexed look. “How do you know that?”

“Choi Y/N doesn’t stay with anyone for long. She even likes to see a few at once sometimes from what I hear, not that the poor bastards ever know it until it’s too late. I doubt that even Kim Mingyu will keep her attention for longer than a few weeks.” 

Joshua shrugs, gathering the drinks that the bartender slides him. As long as they were paying the bill at the end of dinner, he didn’t care too much who she came to dinner with. He delivers their drinks with the same practiced smile and takes their orders. He checks on them a couple times while they eat and when the time comes, he swipes Kim Mingyu’s card for the bill and they leave. He buses the table quickly and moves on with his night. 

Whatever Choi Y/N did was really none of his business, though he felt kind of bad for Kim Mingyu. The guy looked like he was already in love. 

~

“Are you out to ruin my life?” 

Y/N raises an eyebrow at Seungcheol in amusement. “Yes, literally since we were evicted from the womb.”

Her twin brother drops his back pack into a chair and slams the tray of food on the table across from her, plopping down. “First of all, you have to stop saying that. You’re a biology major, you know there’s a more appropriate way to say that.” 

“I’m just calling it what Eomma does! She reminds us every August,” Y/N says innocently. Their mother had even given them a cake with ‘Happy Eviction Day’ written on it in icing a couple weeks ago. It was their 22nd birthday and they were away for most of the year for school. She wasn’t kicking them out now because she’d already done that in the ‘most important’ way 22 years ago. 

Seungcheol is not impressed. “Second of all,” he says forcefully, “I’m trying to run a basketball team here! I’ve told you that you cannot mess with my players.”

Y/N rolls her eyes. Kim Mingyu had not taken her turning down another date very well. He’d taken her out a handful of times and he checked a lot of boxes or she wouldn’t have gone out with him otherwise. He was handsome, had a nice body, was intelligent, and was very giving in bed. But she didn’t really feel a spark, so Y/N declined to see him again this week.

“Is going on a few dates ‘messing with your players’ now? You didn’t complain before.” 

“That’s because he was a freshman. I wasn’t giving him any playing time anyway,” Seungcheol seethed, but Y/N knew there was something exaggerated about it. Call it twin telepathy. “Kim Mingyu, on the other hand, is one of my starters and he’s been sucking ass all week. Air balls every time, no defense to speak of, tripping over his own feet. You’ve ruined yet another one.”

“Ruined is such a strong word,” Y/N said lightly, picking at her lunch. It was spaghetti day at the student union and it wasn’t her favorite, but she didn’t have time to run back to the sorority house for anything between classes and office hours for her TA position. 

“Ruined what?” Jeonghan says, sliding into the seat next to Y/N with his tray. 

“She’s out to ruin my team again!” Seungcheol cries, putting emphasis on ‘again’, but he should know he won’t get any sympathy here. 

Jeonghan laughs, pushing his tray to touch Y/N’s. He plops two pieces of garlic bread on her tray before stealing half of her spaghetti. Y/N doesn’t try to stop him because this is such an old habit that there would be no point. They’ve been splitting meals since they first started eating solid foods as babies. Seungcheol had never been much of a sharer, but Y/N didn’t mind it. Plus, she really wants the garlic bread and Jeonghan knows it. He can sweet talk the lunch lady better than she can to get an extra piece every now and then. “Mingyu didn’t take it well, huh?”

“He did not,” Y/N answers in a sing-song voice. 

“I’m surrounded by monsters.” Seungcheol is full on pouting now, but Y/N and Jeonghan have known him too long for it to have an effect. 

“Eat your food, Cheol,” Y/N insists. He probably only listens because he’s hungry, but Y/N would like to think it’s because she’s a few minutes older. 

“What are you guys doing on Friday?” Jeonghan asks them. “I was thinking about going to see that new horror movie.”

“I’m free, but does it have to be a horror movie? Can it be literally anything else?” Seungcheol asked, swatting Y/N’s hand away when she reached across the table to pinch his cheek. Among them, Y/N and Jeonghan were the horror fans, and Seungcheol hid behind his hands the whole time. He had for years. 

“Yes, it has to be a horror movie. You picked a stupid romcom last time,” Jeonghan teased. “It’s my turn. Are you free?” He turns to Y/N.

Between bites of garlic bread, Y/N shakes her head. “No, I have a date. I’ll have to catch it another day.”

Jeonghan shrugs. “Suit yourself. We’re still talking about it after we both see it though.” 

“Who’s the next victim?” Seungcheol chortles. Y/N isn’t surprised that he’s already over his pouting. 

“You and these strong words,” Y/N admonishes. “Dating me doesn’t make someone a victim. Would you say the same thing about the girls Jeonghan dates?”

“Yes,” Seungcheol deadpans. Y/N and Jeonghan both show no reaction to the insult. “Now who is it? Please tell me it’s no one else from the basketball team. I already have to rethink my starters.”

“Lee Seokmin,” Y/N gives a dreamy smile. 

“Let me guess, he’s the one this time,” Jeonghan teases.

“Just like everyone else before him,” Seungcheol tacks on with a chuckle. “Where’d you meet the poor guy?”

Y/N is unfazed by their teasing. “Creative writing class. He’s so sweet, and funny, and have you seen his arms?”

They haven’t, but this sort of comment doesn’t surprise them. Y/N was a little bit of a hopeless romantic. She believed in love at first sight and seemed to feel it frequently, but she also seemed to fall out of love just as fast. But that pattern didn’t seem to matter because just about any straight man on campus would wait their turn patiently, and even some women. Seungcheol and Jeonghan both knew it. All she had to do is bat her eyes and smile sweetly and people were falling at her feet. She just had that sort of affect on people without even realizing it.

“Be gentle,” Seungcheol reminds like he knows where this is going to go. 

“No, I feel really good about this one, Cheol,” Y/N insists animatedly. “What’s not to like?”

“Whatever you say, angel,” Jeonghan placates. “I hope it goes well.” 

It did go well. Really well, in fact. Seokmin was a total gentleman as much as he was a total goofball. It looked like the waiter wanted to kick them out with how disruptive they were being during dinner, so they cut dinner short and went for a walk around the park. He held her hand and offered her his jacket when she got cold. When they arrive at the front door of the sorority house, he presses a kiss to the back of her hand and doesn’t move until she’s inside and has locked the door. Perfect. Gentleman. 

Y/N collapses into bed that night with a dreamy sigh. When her phone vibrates with a text from Seokmin, she immediately agrees to go out with him again. 

~

Lee Seokmin is riding on a high. Things are good. Classes only started a couple weeks ago, but they seem like they’ll be a breeze. This gives him plenty of time to prepare for his upcoming audition in the fall play that the Theatre department is putting on. He thinks he might actually have a shot at the lead role this time. His friend, Junhui, thinks so too after running lines with him. 

And then there’s Y/N. Seokmin sighs dreamily. She’s pretty, funny, and smart - the full package. They share a creative writing class this semester and when they were paired up to peer review their first assignment, he’s not sure what possessed him, but he just shot his shot. Amazingly, she said yes. And their date had gone so well that he didn’t hesitate long to ask for another one. And she’d said yes to that too! 

He’s been unable to wipe the dopey smile off his face as he walks into the library and finds his group members already there. They were asked to pair up for a semester long project in their psychology course and it was simple to look around and find the two guys sitting closest to him in the back of the class. Neither of them seemed to care who they were partnered up with either, so they exchanged numbers and agreed to meet this afternoon. 

He knew of Kim Mingyu, the star basketball player. He didn’t know of Lee Jihoon until this class. He was apparently a music major and spent a lot of time in the Fine Arts building. Both guys greet him as he sits down. They’re friendly, but not overly so, which makes sense because they’d never had a conversation before last week. “You seem way too cheerful,” Jihoon comments lightly, though Seokmin’s not sure he really cares for a response. 

“Just in a good mood,” Seokmin chirps. 

Mingyu is not nice, not today anyway. He sighs grumpily, opening his laptop. “I have some things to do in a bit. Can we get started?” 

They have to propose an experiment or case study in a couple weeks, which they will turn in by the end of the semester. It could be on any Psychology topic, which offers an overwhelming amount of options as they flip through the textbook. After a few internet searches, they start offering suggestions. Jihoon proposes that they do something with music - maybe how someone’s music taste correlates with their personality. He says there are already so many personality tests out there that they can use and they’d just have to build a simple survey for music tastes. Mingyu recommends something to do with testing short term memory, like a brain game of some sort which they can just recruit their friends for. Something easy to set up, time, and pop into a graph. Seokmin is intrigued by the idea of peoples’ perceptions of beauty and how facial symmetry impacts it. It’s admittedly less thought through than the other ideas because he doesn’t have any idea how to carry out an experiment like that - but give him a break! He’s a theatre major! He wouldn’t be in this class at all if it wasn’t a requirement!

“Do you have a model with perfect facial symmetry that we can borrow for that experiment if we choose it?” Jihoon asks and Seokmin knows he’s not asking seriously. 

Still Seokmin says, “Yes!” Then, he hums. “Well, I don’t know if she’s ever modeled, but I think she’d fit the bill. It’s the girl I’ve been seeing.” 

Jihoon and Mingyu don’t look totally displeased with the idea. “Oh? Let me see,” Mingyu insists. Seokmin feels really proud to show off Y/N’s latest Instagram photo. That is, until Mingyu takes one look at Seokmin’s phone and spits, “Oh, fuck no!”

Jihoon grabs the phone and Seokmin is hoping for a better reaction. He doesn’t get it. Jihoon scoffs, rolling his eyes so hard his head rolls back. 

“What? You guys don’t think she’s pretty?!” Seokmin says loudly, almost forgetting he’s in a library. It’s such a crazy concept to him because she’s not the campus it girl for nothing. He’s known her name for two years now for a reason.

“Yeah, she’s pretty, but she’s a raging bitch,” Mingyu says heatedly. Seokmin is taken aback. Y/N seemed so sweet, Mingyu must have the wrong idea. 

Jihoon snorts. “Yeah, something like that.” 

Seokmin locks his phone, confused. “Have you guys met her or something?” 

“Who hasn’t?” Mingyu rolls his eyes. 

Jihoon shakes his head, looking at Seokmin with pity. “Man, take my word for it. That’s going nowhere fast.” 

“No? She seems so sweet.” Seokmin sounds like he’s trying to convince himself. 

“Mhm,” Jihoon hums. “Tell me, where did she want to go for your first date?” 

Seokmin frowns. “What does that have to do with anything?” 

“Let me guess,” Mingyu looked at Seokmin pointedly. “That sushi place on the north side of campus? Near the hospital?” 

Seokmin frowns deeper, voice turning small. “How did you know that?”

“That’s where she and I went a few weeks ago, before she dumped me. I got exactly three dates with her,” Mingyu snapped. Seokmin couldn’t tell if this anger was directed at her or maybe directed at him for being the next guy she dated. 

Jihoon laughs coldly. “Same, except it was over the summer.” 

Seokmin huffs defensively. “There’s nothing wrong with dating around. Besides, things are going well. We really clicked!” 

“How many dates have you had?” Mingyu asked. Seokmin meekly answers and Mingyu nods, lips pursed. “Then you have two more at the most. Enjoy it while it lasts.”

“Needless to say, we can do your idea, but we won’t be using her as a model,” Jihoon tacks on. 

Now, Seokmin isn’t one to be deterred. He really likes Y/N, so he agrees with Jihoon’s experiment idea if only to move on with the day. He's sure that Mingyu and Jihoon have it all wrong. They’re just bitter that it didn’t work out with someone as perfect as her. Seokmin had forgotten to ask, but he’s so sure they must have done something to run her off. 

The next night, he picks Y/N up from the sorority house and they have a great time going to see a musical at the community theatre. She seems tired by the time they get back to the sorority house, so he kisses her on the cheek and lets her go in. After all, she said she’d had cheer practice earlier that afternoon. He keeps that in mind for scheduling future dates. 

For their third date, Seokmin finds himself at the movie theater watching the latest horror movie. He is not a horror fan by a long shot, but he’s not brave enough to tell her that when she suggests it. She seems totally unfazed by every single gory scene and jump scare, while Seokmin is doing everything he can to keep it together. Not his best night. 

But she’s sweet and holds his hand throughout the movie. He shyly apologizes when they stop in front of the sorority house and says that horror is not his typical choice. She shrugs and kisses his cheek before going inside. 

A few days later, Seokmin sends Y/N a message asking if he can take her out again. He’s walking to the library to meet his psych group members when the fated text comes through. ‘Hi Seokmin! Thank you for the offer. You’re so sweet, but I don’t think I’m interested in pursuing anything further with you. I’m sorry and I hope you understand!’

Seokmin hates how smug Kim Mingyu looks when Seokmin slumps in his chair with none of the cheerfulness he had last time they met. “We were right, weren’t we?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Seokmin mumbled. He thinks he might cry so he busies himself with his laptop. 

Jihoon pats his back a couple times. “That’s tough, man. I wish we hadn’t been right, but you know…”

“No, I don’t know. I have no clue what I did wrong,” Seokmin lamented, frustration bleeding into his voice. 

“That’s just what she does,” Mingyu shrugs. He’s not so angry now, maybe because misery loves company. Maybe because the guy after him also got dumped. 

Jihoon cursed. “Speak of the devil.” 

Mingyu and Seokmin follow Jihoon’s eyes and Seokmin really thinks he might cry. Y/N is standing with Jeong Jaehyun near the History section half way across the second floor balcony, but they aren’t really looking at the books. He’s leaning way too close to whisper in her ear and Y/N’s hand lands on his chest. Seokmin hopes it’s to push him away, but it’s not. She gives him the same sweet smile when he pulls away from her ear.

“Damn, she moves fast,” Jihoon mutters. “When did she break it off with you?” 

Seokmin’s head is in his hands. “She sent me a message on my way here.” He doesn’t have to look up because he hears the hiss of sympathy both of them let out. They’d at least had a few days to breathe before they found out she’d already moved on to someone else. 

“Come on,” Mingyu says, standing up to pack his bag. “We can do this over drinks, right? You look like you need one.”

Seokmin doesn’t have much to say, even when a glass of liquor is put in front of him, along with a plate of greasy bar food. Mingyu and Jihoon have plenty to say though. 

Jihoon met Y/N over the summer at a bar. His friends wanted to get him out of the house and he’d begrudgingly agreed. He met Y/N while he was getting himself a drink and he thought she was gorgeous, but he didn’t say anything to her initially besides a simple ‘excuse me’. While he was waiting for his drink though, she gave him a heart stopping smile and introduced herself. Now, Jihoon admits that he’s not the warmest person, but Y/N is and it was totally disarming.

However, after three dates, she said he was sweet, but she just wasn’t interested in pursuing anything further with him. 

Mingyu knew her through his captain from the basketball team - she’s his twin. He had always been enamored with her but he saw a revolving door of men around her all the time and was just waiting for the right moment. That opportunity presented itself at the twins’ birthday party in early August. He gave her a little gift and she gave him a heart stopping smile. They hooked up that night and then went on three subsequent dates. 

But just like Jihoon, she said he was sweet, but she just wasn’t interested in pursuing anything further with him. 

Seokmin could openly weep now with how obviously he’d been played because she’d used that exact phrase in her text. Mingyu and Jihoon seem genuinely sympathetic. “Don’t take it personally. We’re far from the first victims,” Jihoon insists. “If it makes you feel any better, Jaehyun is just next in line for the slaughter.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m sure of it,” Mingyu adds. “Maybe one day she’ll get a taste of her own medicine.” At this point, they’ve all abandoned the idea of working on their project, backpacks sitting on the grimy bar floor under the table. This little therapy session is more important to them it seems. 

“Wouldn’t that be nice? Someone to reel her in only to toss her out?” Jihoon chortled. It seems unlikely given everything he’s seen and heard now. She seems to do most of the reeling in and tossing out. 

Seokmin’s not sure that would make him feel better anyway. He finishes his dinner and drink, agreeing to meet them again in a couple days to actually do some work on their proposal. Seokmin goes to bed early that night.

~

“Jeong Jaehyun, huh?” Jeonghan raises an eyebrow at Y/N as they eat a late lunch. They’re sitting in the courtyard today to get some sun. Seungcheol is in class, so it’s just the two of them. 

Y/N gives him a big smile. “Yeah. He asked me out earlier this week. Isn’t he cute?”

“So cute,” Jeonghan snorts. She knows he doesn’t give a shit about how cute Jaehyun is. “What happened to Lee Seokmin? Or are you doubling up again?” He doesn’t mean it unkindly, just curiously. It would be hypocritical of him to give her a hard time about it anyway because he’s been known to do the same thing on occasion. 

Y/N’s smile dims a little. “He took me to a musical and he doesn’t like horror movies.”

“Ah,” Jeonghan laughs at her misfortune. “Did you tell him you hate musicals? And that liking horror movies is kind of a requirement?” 

Y/N sighs. “I was hoping the musical would be tolerable. He’s such a sweet guy and seemed excited about it. And he didn’t say anything about it when I suggested the horror movie, but then he nearly broke my hand. It wasn’t even that scary, was it?!” This last part is plea for understanding. 

Jeonghan agrees instantly, though he doesn’t really need to. They’d already talked about how bad it was for hours. “No, it was very lame and incredibly predictable. 3/10 at best.”

“Right?!” Y/N scoffs. “Anyway, I’m going out with Jaehyun on Friday. Don’t tell Seungcheol.”

“I’m sure I don’t have to… Jaehyun has been bragging constantly about it, and you know how locker room talk gets around, particularly with the basketball team,” Jeonghan explains. After a beat, he adds, “Maybe you should be careful with this one. Don’t put out right away at least. Make him work for it a little.”

Y/N hums. “Maybe. You know it’s never really about that though. Plus, you know I don’t care about the locker room talk.”

Jeonghan pats her hand comfortingly. “I know, angel.” He does know both of those things. He knows how she gets swept up in the romance of it all at first, or at least the idea of it, and if sex happens then it happens. And he also knows that she’s great at ignoring the locker room talk later because she’s already moved on by the time it gets back around to her. But the locker room talk bothers him and he regularly runs interference to keep it in check. He’s definitely not above making a few threats for his best friend. But as long as she’s happy, Jeonghan is too. 

~

Seokmin joins Mingyu and Jihoon in the courtyard in the early afternoon because none of them wanted to be in the dark and stuffy library. He sits between them at the round table and they immediately pin him with a look. “Do you want to move?” Jihoon asks, pointing across the courtyard. “We were debating on finding somewhere else to meet.”

Seokmin sees Y/N a few tables away but her back is turned to him. Seokmin has to get over this sooner rather than later and ruminating over her or whoever the guy sitting with her is won’t help much. He shares a class with her - one that he needs for his degree so he can’t drop it.

So he shrugs. “No, we can stay if you guys are okay with it. It’s nice out. New victim?” Seokmin asks, gesturing to the guy she’s with. The question comes out totally neutral because he’s feeling pretty numb about the whole thing.

Mingyu shakes his head. “No, that’s Yoon Jeonghan. She and Seungcheol have been friends with him since they were in diapers apparently. Jeonghan is basically the male version of Y/N from what I hear.” 

“A match made in hell,” Jihoon chuckles darkly. 

They all get out their laptops and textbooks to begin the proposal. Not a single one of them care much for this class, so it starts to feel like pulling teeth to get words on the shared document. For the thousandth time, Mingyu is reaching to his keyboard again, when dings and buzzes echo across the courtyard. Many people pick up their phones, including Mingyu. 

Except, while others start excitedly whispering, Mingyu sighs. “Forgot I turned that on,” he mumbles, opening something on his phone.

“You good?” Seokmin asks, glancing around the courtyard. He’s clearly missed something, and so has Jihoon, because both of their phones stay silent.

“The university gossip twitter. I had notifications on, which aren’t important anymore.” He’s pressing a few things and then he slides the phone to Seokmin and Jihoon. “That’s why.”

It’s a picture of Y/N and Jaehyun in the library, the exact sight the three of them had seen the other day, just from another angle. The caption said, ‘Choi Y/N and Jeong Jaehyun? How does the captain feel about this?’

Jihoon chuckles. “Tasteless. Not like she has any shame anyway,” he says, pointing a few tables over. Y/N and Jeonghan are giggling at something on his phone, probably the same thing they’re looking at. 

“Yeah, she’s a popular topic on there. The comments get kind of weird sometimes though. Look,” Mingyu says scrolling through them. “Everyone seems to love them together already. They always do. They liked you with her too, Seokmin.” 

Mingyu scrolls to a couple weeks ago. There’s no image, just a basic text post that says, ‘Choi Y/N spotted with Lee Seokmin. Didn’t know she was into theatre majors!!’ Under that post, so many people were gushing either about how cute they were together, or how jealous they were of Seokmin. There are even a few positive comments about Seokmin individually and he had no idea he had any admirers before reading this. Everything about it feels strange considering the way she dates around.

Seokmin huffed. “That’s a case study in conformity if I’ve ever seen it.”

He means it as a joke, but he catches Mingyu and Jihoon glancing at each other. “You… have a good point. Not that I care to get a good grade - no offense, but I just need to pass - but this basically writes itself,” Jihoon says slowly. 

“Conformity in social media. I don’t hate it,” Mingyu shrugs. “But it would have to be a case study. I don’t know how we’d manipulate what’s on here to make it an experiment.”

“No one knows who runs this account?” Seokmin asks curiously. He doesn’t really care what they write this paper about, or care to know who runs such an account, but it’s kind of intriguing when he sees the follower count. Half the student body must keep an eye on this single account and yet it’s still anonymous?

“Even if we did, what would our game plan be? I mean, we can’t hack it,” Jihoon laughs.

But Mingyu is suddenly chuckling darkly. “We can’t, but maybe someone else could.” Then he’s standing and Seokmin’s about to scold him for abandoning their assignment yet again. Mingyu waves at them to join, tossing his backpack over his shoulder. “Come on. This counts as work for the assignment, I promise.”

~

Wonwoo wakes up to a kick on his leg. He grumbles, blinking slowly and picking the book up off his face. He had been reading while laying in the grass in the quad, but the book was also a great cover to keep the sun out of his eyes for a little power nap. He blinks in the glare of the sunlight and then groans because he recognizes who kicked him, or at least the general shape. He’s seen Mingyu loom over him like this to wake him up too many times in their two years as roommates. 

“What do you want? I’m busy,” Wonwoo puts the book back over his face. 

Mingyu gets right to the point. “What would you need to know to be able to hack into a twitter account or find out who owns it?”

It’s not the weirdest question he’s ever gotten from Mingyu, so he stays under the book. “The username and free lunch for a week to start.”

“Done.” 

Odd. Usually there’s more of a fight for the terms of something like this. Wonwoo lifts the book, but there’s a phone shoved in his face. When he spots the username, he laughs. “Oh, yeah. Not sure how much luck you’re going to have with that one.”

“Why not? You can’t do it?” Mingyu asked curiously.

Wonwoo is back under the book. “I’ve never tried, but plenty of my classmates have. The power that account holds around here is legendary and a lot of people want their hands on it, but whoever runs it has incredible password hygiene and knows how to spot a phishing email. And the account uses a dead-end email address that connects back to no one in particular, so tracing it hasn’t worked for anyone so far either.” 

“So you can’t do it?” Mingyu presses. 

Wonwoo sighs, closing the book to stare up at his roommate. So much for his nap. “I didn’t say that. I’d still want free lunch for a week if I attempt it - keyword being ‘attempt’. Plus, you need to tell me why you need it. I believe in ethical hacking, remember.”

“It’s for a group project,” Mingyu says vaguely. Wonwoo now realizes it’s not just Mingyu standing around him. Two other guys are with him and they look pretty confused. 

Wonwoo sits up. “What the fuck kind of a project are you working on that you need access to an account like that?”

“Psychology.” Another vague answer. 

Wonwoo decides it’s not worth it to ask anymore questions. “I’ll see what I can do. But I have to do it at home. There are some things you shouldn’t do on university wifi, you know?”

“Great, thanks! Enjoy your nap. See you at home,” Mingyu waves, turning away. The two guys follow him, still looking terribly confused. Wonwoo isn’t going back to sleep now, so he picks up the book again and starts reading. A problem for another time.

~

“Him? Are you serious?” Seokmin asked.

“Not sure why, but I kind of expected some catty sorority girl,” Jihoon frowned.

Mingyu stared. “Wonwoo insisted he was sure.”

Late last night, Wonwoo had busted into Mingyu’s room, announcing that he’d done it. He said it wasn’t easy and it had taken a couple days, but he looked rather pleased with himself when he shoved his phone in Mingyu’s face. An Instagram account was pulled up on it. Wonwoo rambles something about IP addresses, cloud accounts, and traffic on the same network, which means very little to Mingyu who is used to mechanical and architectural engineering. When asked, Wonwoo says he’s 99.9% sure, with the remaining .1% implying that someone else could be using the same device on the same account and network. He unfortunately has no way of being totally certain that that’s not the case. Good enough for Mingyu.

“Sure enough to walk up and ask Boo Seungkwan for his twitter account?” Seokmin asks skeptically. The three of them are standing across the way from the Journalism and Communications building, watching Seungkwan scroll on his phone while he sits on a bench. 

“Is this really necessary? Do we need control of the account to do this? Like Seokmin said yesterday, the case study kind of writes itself,” Jihoon argues. 

Mingyu’s given this some thought. Or a lot, actually. “Hear me out,” he starts, because his two group members look so doubtful. “This could have a dual purpose. We could just write the case study… or we could try to gain some control over the account to start manipulating what gets posted and create an experiment. Plus… it might be a little bit of revenge.”

Seokmin nearly walks away. “Can’t we just do the music idea that Jihoon came up with? I’m not interested in revenge, I’d just like to forget those three dates and move on.”

“What kind of revenge?” Jihoon entertains, ignoring Seokmin’s argument. 

“I’m open to suggestions, but I was wondering what the response would be if the tone of the account changes. I mean, it’s never written as a bad thing if she moves on fast. I can’t imagine why it would when the account gets the kind of interaction it does. But I can’t help wondering what would happen if it was painted as a negative thing,” Mingyu explains.

Seokmin frowns. “You want to start a smear campaign?”

Mingyu looks at him with a mixture of confusion and anger. “What? You don’t think she deserves it?” 

Maybe she does, Seokmin thinks. Because here she comes, hand in hand with Jaehyun. Seokmin can’t believe that he can’t just avoid her on a campus this big. They’re chatting and smiling as they walk past the three of them. She even makes brief eye contact with Seokmin and has the gall to smile. Seokmin’s eyes are still following them when Jihoon sucks in a breath, hitting Seokmin in the chest to get his attention. 

Boo Seungkwan has his phone up now, taking a picture of them as they walk away, none the wiser. He taps a few times on his phone and then Mingyu’s phone dings. Mingyu looks pleased because Wonwoo was absolutely right, no 99.9% about it.

Seokmin huffs. “Fine. Let’s see what he says.” 

Mingyu takes the lead and Seungkwan looks at them curiously when they approach. “Boo Seungkwan?” Mingyu asks.

Seungkwan’s smile has a layer of something unsettling to it. “Kim Mingyu. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“We’d like to make a deal with you,” Mingyu says and Seungkwan looks intrigued. “We want access to your twitter account for a while. Name your price.”

“What twitter account?” Seungkwan says evenly. “I don’t even have one.”

“We just watched you take that picture and post it to the university gossip account,” Jihoon insists coolly. “I’d think you’d be more careful to not get caught since it’s anonymous.”

Seungkwan eyes the three of them carefully now. Finally, he says, “Say I knew what you were talking about, which I don’t; you’d have to make me a pretty incredible offer.”

“Name it,” Mingyu says simply. 

After a few more beats of silence, Seungkwan stands. “Follow me. This conversation  needs to be more private.” 

Inside the Journalism and Communications building, Seungkwan closes the door behind them in an empty study room. “How in the fuck did you know it was me? It wasn’t because of the picture I just posted. You guys had been watching me for nearly ten minutes already,” he snaps, totally losing the cool facade from outside.

“I know a guy,” Mingyu answers lamely. Seungkwan looked less than satisfied with the answer, so Mingyu continued. “He said your password was too good to guess anytime soon, but he was able to trace it back to you with quite a bit of certainty.”

“You tried to hack me?!” Seungkwan seethes. “Why on earth would you do that?” 

“It’s for a project. We’d like to use it to take Choi Y/N down a peg.”

Seungkwan reels back and laughs at Jihoon’s explanation, all the anger from a moment ago replaced by glee. “Oh, I see now. A few bitter exes wanting to get their lick back.” He plops down in one of the chairs, looking smug. “You know, you’re not the first to ask me that, but you are the first to successfully track me down in two years. Usually they just DM the twitter account, begging for a mean post about her.”

“As they should,” Mingyu insists. “You’ve seen what she does to men over and over.”

“And that’s really none of my business outside of this account,” Seungkwan answers diplomatically. “Y/N is a sweet girl that just happens to gets a lot of attention. She’s a favorite for my followers. No other subject does as good as she does on the account. Why would I want to ruin that?”

“Because she doesn’t just date around. She treats people like they’re disposable,” Seokmin finds himself snapping. He thinks it’s ironic when he defended her the same way Seungkwan is just a couple weeks ago, but that’s when he still thought he might be different. There was nothing wrong with dating around. But there might be something wrong if you make everyone you see feel special before cutting things off out of nowhere. 

“And I’m sure she’s sorry it didn’t work out,” Seungkwan said with such certainty that it made the three men look at him like he was crazy. “But I haven’t heard an offer yet. Or what this ‘project’ is for, for that matter,” Seungkwan folds his hands on the table expectantly. 

A lot of it is off the cuff because their proposal document is still very blank besides the headers, but they all explain, eventually sitting down at the table with him. Seungkwan is quiet for a long time. Seokmin thinks he might even look conflicted or that he’s getting ready to turn them down. But they’ve promised to give him plenty of content to post and that’s what finally makes him sigh.

“I’ll pull the plug on all of this as soon as I think it’s getting out of hand. And you guys will not have access to the account, but you can have a say in what gets posted.” His expression turns sly. “In exchange for the cooperation of your hacker.” 

Mingyu frowns. He’s not sure he can talk Wonwoo into anything more since he’s all out of IOUs. “Why would you need that? What do you have in mind?”

“I can explain if you make the introductions. I take it this person has some development experience?” Mingyu shrugs in response to Seungkwan’s question, not quite ready to reveal his roommate’s identity. “I have a little project of my own that he could help me with. And I think it could be of use in your project too.”

Mingyu, Jihoon, and Seokmin glance at each other. Finally, they all nod. “I’ll make it work,” Mingyu promises, desperately hoping it wasn’t empty.

~

Wonwoo folds in half with tears in his eyes. He’s sitting in the engineering building between classes having a snack when Mingyu approaches him with another request. The two guys from yesterday are with him again, but they look less confused now. Wonwoo has since learned that their names are Seokmin and Jihoon. Wonwoo’s not terribly surprised that Boo Seungkwan is with them today too. He assumes he didn’t track him down for nothing. 

Mingyu looks annoyed. “You owe me one,” he reminds and Wonwoo calls his bluff right away. 

“I don’t. Finding him,” Wonwoo points to Seungkwan while wiping his eyes, “was your favor. We’re even now. Besides, I’m swamped. I can’t possibly pick up another project on the side.”

“It doesn’t have to be pretty. Keep it simple. I just need to have access to an admin account,” Seungkwan smoothly says. 

“You know I’ve never built anything like that, right? Existing vendors keep a tight lid on how their algorithm works for a reason,” Wonwoo argues. 

“It doesn’t have to be complex. Plus, that’s why the admin account is necessary. I want to manipulate the matches on occasion,” Seungkwan insists. 

Wonwoo blankly looks between the four men because he can’t believe they’re so serious, finally landing on his roommate. “Tell me right now why you’re asking me to build a dating app. Is this for your ‘psych’ project too?” He asks jokingly, but loses all humor when Mingyu nods. 

“We should just tell him,” Jihoon insists to Mingyu. “Surely he doesn’t like her either.”

Mingyu frowns for a moment. Eventually, he asks, “How would you like to help us take down Choi Y/N?” 

Wonwoo did not want to. Don’t get him wrong, he didn’t care much for her, but he didn’t hate her and didn’t really care to give her anymore attention. “Sounds like some project… I’ll pass - on both your psych/revenge project and the dating app.”

Mingyu scoffs down at his roommate. “Please? What do you want for it?” 

“Money, at the very least. I’ll get very little satisfaction out of whatever you guys are planning, I’m sure,” Wonwoo says. He’s hoping they’ll drop it now. They’re all broke college students after all. Money is such a precious commodity.

So he’s amazed to see all of them shrug. “Name your price,” Seokmin says easily.

Wonwoo’s eyes are narrowed skeptically now. “Pay my part of the rent this month. I’m saving for a new PC.” He wants to laugh when they agree again. Those that aren’t his roommate don’t even ask how much it is. “Now, tell me what you guys were thinking.”

~ 

In the next two weeks, Seungkwan had changed his tone on the twitter account. It was subtle at first. A few words like, ‘Already?’ Or ‘She moves on fast,’ were peppered into a post occasionally. They wanted to see how well each post performed and what kind of comments they got based on the tone and word choices used. 

However, it became apparent that it didn’t matter that she was already done with Jaehyun and the guy after him, already spotted with another guy entirely. It didn’t seem like they were even getting the typical three dates. But the interaction stats stayed about the same, as did the comments. Encouraging, begging, and overwhelmingly supportive. The group is forced to rethink their approach while Wonwoo finishes the dating app. 

“Why does everyone fall for it?” Jihoon laments, scrolling through the account. 

“She’s charming,” Seungkwan replies easily. He’s not stressed about any of this because his account is doing well and his app is on the way. That means that anytime now he can start on his own plan to set up as many horrible matches as possible. He’s going to be writing a ‘bad date’ column in the student paper and while there are surely plenty of those out there already, a few more wouldn’t hurt. “You guys fell for it too.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Seokmin said solemnly. He had already drafted up the alternative proposal for their project in preparation for all of this to fail. It didn’t feel great to talk so much about Y/N either since it was still a sore subject for him.

“I don’t know. There has to be someone impervious to her charm,” Mingyu sighed, long giving up on scrolling. 

Seungkwan laughed and it made the three of them snap their heads to him. “Just pay someone for it. It seems that you guys aren’t above that and surely someone wouldn’t mind to make a buck.”

Seokmin looks doubtful. “You think we should find a plant?”

“Sure. When I have my admin account I can even make sure they match,” Seungkwan shrugs. None of them really have to ask if Y/N will even download the app when it’s available. They know she will because she’s on all of the other dating apps.

“Who would we even draft for that sort of thing? She doesn’t go back to people after the fact, so it would have to be someone that has never dated her. That might be a short list,” Mingyu insists. 

“I’d say find someone new to the university, like a freshman, but that’s not typically her style. But a transfer could work?” Seungkwan suggests. 

Wonwoo slides into the seat next to Mingyu, interrupting them. “Some of the logic you asked for has been a pain in the ass, but you’ll be able to try it out tomorrow with some test data,” he tells Seungkwan, who immediately looks pleased. 

“Wonwoo, would you know how to find a list of incoming male students? Not necessarily freshman,” Jihoon asks.

Wonwoo looks at him blankly. “This is getting very expensive for you guys. But yes,” Wonwoo admits, resigned. “My work study is in the university’s IT office. It’s all in a database.”

“Would you mind pulling us a list?” Mingyu asks, giving his most charming smile. 

Wonwoo rolls his eyes, flatly saying, “Go get me lunch. I’ll see what I can do.” As Mingyu hops up, Wonwoo sighs, getting out his laptop. He’s beginning to regret whatever he’s agreed to and doesn’t wish to know anymore about what they’re using all of this for. 

But ten minutes later, he still slides his computer to them and they crowd around. He’s given them a spreadsheet with the student name, declared major, and current credit hours achieved. They’re meticulous about going through the list of approximately twenty people. They eliminate most for various reasons after looking them up and come back to one in particular. 

“Joshua Hong.  He has enough credits to be a senior. Isn’t that weird to transfer so late?” Seokmin asks. They all agree, but Wonwoo doesn’t have access to anything prior to him being enrolled here at the moment so it remains a mystery as to why Joshua’s transferred so late.

“He’s a biology major though. That could work in our favor because Y/N is too,” Seungkwan adds. “Plus, he’s attractive enough to be her type.” He shows them Joshua’s Instagram account and they have to agree. He’s handsome. 

“Worth a try…” Mingyu murmurs, before turning to Wonwoo to grin again. “Do you have access to his class schedule? And Y/N’s for that matter?”

Wonwoo stares for a long moment before sighing. “Go get me an iced americano.” He watches Seokmin jump up this time and Wonwoo really is regretting what he’s gotten himself into. 

~

Joshua feels eyes on him. He’s in the courtyard near the Science building, working on an assignment between classes, but he keeps getting this tingle up his spine that he can’t explain. He’s glanced around the courtyard but doesn’t see anyone that looks particularly interested in him. 

Until there’s a tap on his shoulder, that is. There are few guys there and he has no idea where they came from or how they snuck up on him. Joshua tries to smile politely but he’s confused. It’s not like people had been unfriendly, but being new means most people don’t approach you first. Everyone already has their cliques and it’s unlikely Joshua will be invited into the fold of any of them. It’s a completely expected hazard of transferring as a senior. “Hi? Can I help you?” He asks. His eyes widen when the three of them sit down at the table with him without an invitation. 

“Joshua, right?” One guy says, but he doesn’t really wait for an answer. “I’m Kim Mingyu.” 

Ah. That rings a bell because Joshua was wondering where he’d seen him before. Joshua had waited on him at work once before. “Uh, yeah! Nice to meet you.”

Mingyu gives a charming smile. The guy is charismatic, Joshua will give him that. “This is Jihoon and Seokmin. We were wondering if you could help us with something.” 

Joshua is starting to feel a little suspicious, but he nods slowly, “Maybe. What is it?”

No one says anything right away and his suspicion is growing. Finally, Jihoon speaks up. Joshua thinks he also recognizes him from serving him at work too, now that he thinks about it. “Have you had the pleasure of meeting Choi Y/N yet?”

Joshua’s eyes narrow because Jihoon doesn’t say it like it’s really a pleasure. “Not personally, no… we have a couple classes together, but I’ve never spoken to her.” 

“What do you think about her so far?” Mingyu prompts.

Joshua must look totally confused but they seem to actually be waiting on an answer. So he shrugs nonchalantly. “She’s pretty and seems friendly enough, but she seems like a bit of a flirt.” That earns three scoffs and his eyes widen. “I’m totally lost, guys. Why are you asking me this?”

“Just trying to get a read on if you’ll be willing to help us,” Mingyu says casually. 

“I’d prefer you not beat around the bush and just ask for the favor,” Joshua insists. He doesn’t care for their riddles or quizzes. Plus, he really wanted to finish this assignment because he works tonight.

When Seokmin speaks, Joshua’s jaw drops. Then he laughs at how absurd the pitch is. He can’t help it. “You guys can’t be serious.”

“Very serious. She’s played all of us and she’ll keep playing people until someone does something about it,” Mingyu snaps and the intensity of it surprises Joshua. Mingyu must not have taken it well when she ended things, much like Minghao said she would. 

“And you want me to, as you say, ‘reel her in and dump her’.” It’s not a question because he’s just repeating what Seokmin said a few moments ago. “Also, why me? There are a ton of guys that would be all over the opportunity to spend some time with her. I’ve seen it myself.”

“You’re new and just her type. She doesn’t go back to someone once she dumps them, so it has to be someone totally new to the scene,” Jihoon insists. 

“Uh huh,” Joshua says, totally unconvinced. “So, what? I ask her out, take her on a few dates, and then tell her I’m not interested?” 

“Yes!” The three of them cry like they’re thrilled he gets it and Joshua’s eyes go wide again. 

“You didn’t even ask if I was single,” Joshua laughs humorlessly. He thinks they must be clinically insane. 

“Your Instagram screams ‘single’,” Mingyu deadpans. Joshua doesn’t really have an answer for that because he is, in fact, very single. But he is increasingly disturbed by the thought they’ve put into this, including stalking his social media to know that. “Look, what do you want for it? We’re open to making a deal.”

Joshua can’t believe they’re so serious. Their animosity towards Y/N is overpowering and totally toxic. “There’s nothing wrong with dating around. She must not feel like she’s found the right person yet.”

“Yeah, you kind of have to give it more than a few dates to be sure of that though. She barely gets to know anyone,” Jihoon presses. 

It makes Joshua laugh again. “Have you ever considered that the guys that chase after her are walking red flags and she can see that within just a few dates?” He recognizes he could be offending all three of them, but he finds he doesn’t care much. Yes, she’s a flirt and seems a little flighty, but what they’re talking about doing in response is so… malicious. 

“I can’t believe you’re taking her side,” Mingyu looks stunned. “You should see the way she’s done this since she got here. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did it before, too. She’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing and she deserves to be exposed for it.”

“And how are you going to expose her for that? If I do anything, which I haven’t agreed to, it would be a few dates before I cut it off. That’s it. I’m not out to publicly humiliate anyone. How badly do you want to tear this poor girl apart?” Joshua asks sympathetically and he can see it burns all three of them up inside. 

“Show him,” Seokmin demands. Mingyu opens his phone, sliding it to Joshua. 

He wants to laugh because it’s an account on twitter. This feels a little too ‘Gossip Girl’ for him. But the more he scrolls, he sees that Choi Y/N is the Serena Van Der Woodson and Blair Waldorf of the account rolled into one. The post dates are alarmingly close, even occasionally overlapping, between sightings of her with a different guy nearly every time. Posts about her go back to early last semester and he stops scrolling because he’s sure there’s more beyond it. 

Joshua pushes the phone back to Mingyu with a sigh. “Look, I’m not totally unsympathetic about this. Getting dumped sucks. But this can only go wrong. It might hurt her, yes, and we can argue about whether she deserves it. But this could easily blow up in everyone’s faces. The collateral damage isn’t worth this. Just stop worrying about her or giving her attention.”

The three are silent and Joshua is relieved to see he has to go. He tells them it was nice to meet them, which feels a little like a lie, and packs up his things. Minghao would certainly laugh about Joshua’s weird afternoon later. 

~

Not for the first time, Joshua thinks that the world works in mysterious ways. He’s in his Biostats class, still reeling from the conversation in the courtyard, when the instructor announces they’ll be doing an in-class assignment with a partner today. And what do you know? He’s been randomly assigned to Y/N. 

He has to admit she’s pretty charming when she slides into the seat next to him and smiles. “Joshua, is it? Are you new? I haven’t really seen you around before.” 

Joshua nods, giving a polite smile in return. “Yes. I just transferred.” He busies himself with pulling up the dataset they would be working with today. They get to work and he can totally understand why she has men lining up. He was already aware that she was pretty, but she was incredibly intelligent and quick witted as well. He keeps a polite smile on his face but tries not to feed into it. He might think that those three insane guys were a little too intense about their plot for revenge, but he doesn’t want to be roped in. 

However, they’re such an efficient team that they finish their assignment with nearly ten minutes left of class. He kind of expects Y/N to turn and talk to one of her friends or one of the many guys that are dramatically letting their partner down with all the staring they’re doing. Or at the very least, he kind of expects her to pick up her phone that’s been buzzing on the desk the whole time with notifications. 

Instead, she smiles at him. “So, are you pre med?” 

Another polite smile. “Yes. Are you?” 

She’s grinning now. “Yeah! I’m actually going to do an internship at the hospital next semester in the ER.”

Joshua is entertained by her enthusiasm and it could certainly be totally disarming. “I’m jealous. Not of the ER, to be clear. Just the internship.”

“You should apply!” Y/N encourages. “They have openings in a few departments. I can send you the link, if you’d like.”

He recognizes this for what it is immediately. He has his laptop open still and she could just pull it up for him in a new tab. Instead, she wants some way to contact him. 

But he knows how to ignore a message or block someone, so he slides her his unlocked phone. He could actually use the link anyway. She’s practiced at this sort of exchange, because she’s handing it back in moments. “I’ll send it to you later,” she promises. 

Joshua is relieved when the instructor dismisses class. He totally gets now why she has so much power. When she sends him the link with a short message later, he just responds with a ‘Thanks,” and a thumbs up, shutting down any further conversation. 

He’s met someone like her before and he won’t be falling for it again anytime soon. 

~

Jeonghan is holding Y/N’s head to his chest at their usual table in the library, and normally that would be nice of him to support one of his oldest friends and arguably his best friend, except for the fact that it’s totally patronizing. “My poor baby, I’m sorry you’re having a bad week.” 

Y/N scoffs in his chest but doesn’t push him away. There would be no point because then he’d start pinching her cheeks and cooing in her face. “You’re the worst. You don’t have an ounce of sympathy for me.”

“I do,” Jeonghan lies through his teeth, stroking her hair. “It’s just really funny and I wish I’d been there for all of it.” 

It seems that Y/N had pissed someone off. She wasn’t sure who, but in the last three weeks she’d been pranked on no less than five occasions. The firsts two were at the sorority house, so she hadn’t realized she was the primary target yet. Someone TP’d their house one night and just when the university’s custodial staff had cleaned it up and they thought they were safe, there was a smell creeping into the house. It was subtle at first, just small whiffs of it every now and then when you walk through the house. They clean the drains, wipe down the kitchen and bathrooms thoroughly, and take out the trash more frequently. But the smell begins to permeate every room. 

Pest control comes out and finds nothing, despite crawling through the attic and the unfinished basement which includes a crawl space. The tech thinks it’s coming from the vents but finds nothing there either. So the house mother calls an HVAC tech to come take a look. He crawls around in the vents as well and doesn’t find anything… before finally finding a dead fish in the AC unit outside, roasting in the heat of late summer. The girls have to keep the windows open with fans at full blast for days to get the smell out. Inconveniently, their security cameras didn’t catch anything for either event. 

A couple days later, Y/N meets Lee Chan in front of the Science building and they walk in together. She’s tutored a lot of people in her time here, but he’s her favorite after just a few weeks, hands down. They’re idly chatting as they walk upstairs and into the TA office, which is empty with the lights off. They get unpacked and Y/N’s butt barely touches the seat when an air horn goes off. She and Chan are totally scared shitless at such a sound at 8:30 in the morning, but sure enough, there’s an air horn under her rolling chair, set to go off as soon as she sits. Chan helps her remove it along with the duct tape from the leg of the chair and they laugh about such a juvenile prank despite their hearts racing. 

A couple days later, she comes in for her office hours after lunch. She’s greeting the girl she’ll be tutoring in physics today as she pumps some hand sanitizer into her palm. When she starts to rub her hands together, something doesn’t feel right. It’s sticky in a way that the alcohol content in hand sanitizer shouldn’t be and then it’s quickly drying in chunks. She’s horrified to realized that the container has been replaced with glue. Even though she washes her hands half a dozen times in the bathroom down the hall, she still can’t touch the poor girl’s paper or textbook without it sticking to her. Her sorority sisters tell her that night that nothing like that has happened to them and Y/N realizes she must be the main target. 

The most recent thing happened just this morning. Chan had met her again outside and when they flipped the light on in the office, there was a present sitting there. It’s wrapped nicely and it even has her name on it. She’s immediately suspicious and finds out quickly she had every right to be. Chan hands her a ruler from her desk drawer and she stands at arms length to flip the lid open - only to suddenly be covered in glitter. 

It occurs to her that Jeonghan might be dusting some of that glitter out of her hair instead of nicely stroking it to soothe her and she scoffs, finally pushing him away. She’d had time to stop by the house and change clothes, but not enough to shower. She sparkles a little every time she moves. “It’s not funny, Hannie. I don’t know what I did to deserve this!” 

“I don’t know. Maybe you pissed off the wrong person. Want me to look into it?” Jeonghan offers. She knows he’s serious about looking into it despite the hard time he’s just given her. He keeps glancing around them at the library every now and then and she’s getting a lot of looks. That’s because somehow all of these events have ended up on that stupid gossip twitter. She’s not sure how that’s happened, but people seem to be enjoying her suffering. Some of the comments have turned kind of mean and she’s getting tagged in each post dozens of times with laughing/crying emojis. Jeonghan had quietly taken her phone from her hands and closed out of the app when he found her scrolling through it earlier. 

“I think you need to find a new guy to take the heat off of all of this,” he says and she can’t tell if he’s joking or not. He’s never discouraged her dating, but he’s never openly encouraged it either. He usually says good luck like any good friend would when she announces she has a date and that’s it. 

She groans, swiping a hand down her arm to dust a couple specks of glitter off. “Yeah, that’s not going well either.”

Jeonghan gives her a perplexed look. “What do you mean? Just pick someone.” She doesn’t answer him so he raises an eyebrow. “Is there someone in particular?”

Y/N can’t help the pout that falls onto her lips. “There’s a guy in a couple of my classes but he doesn’t seem interested.” 

This intrigues Jeonghan because he’s never heard of such a thing before. “Have you asked him if he is? Maybe he’s just shy.”

“I don’t think so. He’s easy to talk to, but every time I drop hints he either misses them or ignores him, but I can’t tell which. Besides, I’m used to being asked rather than doing the asking. He’s cute and smart and totally disinterested,” Y/N says, totally deflating now. 

Jeonghan snorted. “Unlikely. Give it a little bit for him to warm up. Now, help me with this stupid math homework. I definitely didn’t listen yesterday in class.”

~

Joshua is paired up with Y/N again in class. She smiles when she sits down next to him but it’s not the normal thousand-watt smile that he and everyone else usually gets. He doesn’t ask and they start with their dataset. He’s having trouble with a formula when Y/N offers to help. He lets her pull the laptop to her and he watches her fingers fly over the keyboard. Her confidence at this is impressive, but that’s not what gets his attention. 

“Doing some art projects lately?” He muses lightly. She glances down at her hands and then huffs, wiping them on her skirt. 

“No, someone sent me a glitter bomb yesterday. I don’t think I’ll ever get all of it off. I’ll be sparkling for years to come,” she answers with much less enthusiasm than usual. 

Joshua can’t help but laugh outright because it sounds so absurd. “A glitter bomb? Why in the world would someone do that?”

Y/N glances at him and he can tell she’s clearly faking her amusement, kind of like she doesn’t just know how to let herself frown. “I don’t know, but it’s one of many pranks lately.” She slides the laptop back to him but he doesn’t take it back. 

There’s this nagging feeling in his chest and he’s not sure why, so he asks, “Does this happen to you often?” 

Y/N laughs humorlessly. “No. First someone TP’d the sorority house and put a dead fish in the AC unit. Then the air horn under the chair, and the glue in the hand sanitizer bottle, and then the glitter bomb yesterday. I’m not sure what I did, but someone’s having a lot of fun. It’s all ended up on that stupid gossip twitter account too.”

“A little overboard, huh?” He says sympathetically, and he might not be her biggest fan but he means it. Someone’s got a vendetta against her, that’s for sure. 

That nagging feeling doesn’t go away as he’s walking back to his dorm after class. On a whim, he opens twitter. Y/N didn’t lie, every single event she mentioned is on there, some with photos or videos in which she looks mortified. When he opens some of the comments, he thinks it’s no wonder she seems so miserable, even if these are technically harmless pranks. Some people are really enjoying this. He gathers that Y/N is usually pretty refined and put together, not a single hair out of place. She doesn’t look very refined walking out of an office covered in glitter or holding her hands out in front of her while they’re covered in glue. 

Joshua pockets his phone and looks around campus as he strolls. He spots some familiar figures in the courtyard and that nagging feeling is back. Enough for him to stop In the grass and watch them. They’re laughing really hard about something as they’re crowded around a computer. 

Joshua takes the long way to them, creeping up behind their backs. They’re watching the video of Y/N after the glitter bomb. 

“I should have known,” he says sternly. They wheel around to him fast and Jihoon slams his laptop shut. “Having a little prank war, are you? Actually, it doesn’t really count as a war if she can’t fight back.”

“She deserves it,” Mingyu says smugly, not bothering to deny it. “Didn't you see it?”

“Sure did, as well as the aftermath.” Joshua refuses to elaborate. “I think you’ve made your point a few times over. You have your experiment results.”

Seokmin shakes his head in confusion. “Why are you defending her? You’ve seen the twitter account.”

“Yeah, which is trash from what I can see,” Joshua insists. They look so put out by the statement that Joshua frowns. “Don’t tell me you’re behind that too.” Their silence is answer enough. Besides, they’re focused on something else now. Joshua turns to see what it is. 

Y/N is walking into the student union with yet another guy. This one looks at her just as adoringly as the others. Jihoon is cursing. “Oh, come on. A freshman?” 

“You know him?” Seokmin asks.

“He’s in the same department as me, just as a dance major. He’s a nice kid. She’s going to eat him alive,” Jihoon huffed. 

The other three are ranting about it, but Joshua watches the couple closely. Whatever defense he had for her is fading fast. He remembers being the innocent freshman three years ago. He remembers getting eaten alive over and over by one girl - a pretty upper class man who could smile and bat her eyes to get whatever she wanted. He remembers having to move across the world and transfer schools to keep it from consuming him. The poor kid looks in love and he knows the look because he wore it for nearly three years while he thought things were going to get better. 

He’s also remembering the way Y/N tried to worm her way into a conversation the first time they had to work together in class. The charm was undeniable and it kind of felt like twisting the knife now that he thought about it because she was really just like Lily in so many ways. 

Joshua grits his teeth, turning back to the three guys. “Tell me your plan again?”

They all look shocked. “I thought you weren’t interested in helping us,” Mingyu starts. 

“I’ll consider it, if your plan is any good, that is,” Joshua snaps, sitting down at the table, looking at them expectantly. 

Finally, Jihoon opens his laptop again, clicking a few things. Then he flips it to Joshua. “This isn’t the version that we’ve submitted for our psych experiment. This more of an… unofficial document.”

Joshua scrolls and they let him. About thirty seconds later, he flips it back to Jihoon. “Where do we start?”

Act Two

Joshua downloads the app as soon as it hits the gossip twitter, which he now follows. He thinks it’s pretty rudimentary, but they assured him it just needed to be functional and they could pretty it up as their developer had time if it was really that important. 

Later that afternoon, he meets Boo Seungkwan, and Joshua is convinced he might be evil. Seungkwan cackles loudly when he sees that Y/N has already set up an account too. Then there’s the low maniacal giggling that he does when he gets into his admin app. Seconds later, Joshua has a match. 

Between all this evil laughter, the other three are grilling him on his dating experience. He’s vague about his answers. First, it’s none of their business, really. Second, Joshua already has an inkling that Y/N is interested and is just waiting to be asked out. He plans to make her work for it a little before he gives her much. 

The first message comes through within minutes of Seungkwan making the match and it makes Joshua laugh. The others try to crowd around his phone, but he pushes them away. They don’t need to know his methods. 

And his first method is to let the message sit there marked as read for a while. Two days in fact. At their next biostats class, they thankfully just have a lecture, but he can feel someone looking at him from across the room every now and then. 

Finally, he responds with something casual. ‘Hey Y/N, sorry I missed this message.’ It’s a classic get-out-of-trouble card and he knows it worked when she replies immediately with, ‘No big deal!’ She then proceeds to try to start a conversation and he stays ‘busy’ for the next couple weeks, only replying to her sparingly. 

During the next in-class project, Y/N slides into the seat next to him and smiles, but it looks a tad insecure compared to how it normally looks. Joshua grins at her when he greets her and she lights up like a Christmas tree. He’s pleased because it’s taken very little work to have her in the palm of his hand. 

He waits another week to make another move and it’s probably not the move that she wanted. At approximately 11:30pm, he sends her a message on the app that says, ‘You up?’ He cringes when he sends it, but the thing is, she needs to feel like a last resort, or at least one of many options. When she replies, he’s suddenly busy and doesn’t answer her back. 

He does this two more times over the next couple weeks, messaging her first and then dodging her. On the fourth time, he finally takes her up on her offer. He feels like an asshole when he shows up at the sorority house in the middle of the night on Thursday because he’s kind of winging this part. He considers showing up but acting totally disinterested in being there. Maybe he’ll even scroll through Seungkwan’s dating app in front of her, where he has other matches. 

He’s so busy thinking about his next move that he really doesn’t expect to be pushed against her bedroom door after she sneaks him in. Y/N has her body pushed flush up against his, lips attacking his own in a desperate kiss. 

Joshua decides he hates her. Hates how she’s pouted at his disinterest and stared him down in every class they share because he’s not giving in to her. Hates how he’s seen her shut down every single guy for two weeks because it seems like she’s actually into him. Hates how crushed those guys look when she politely turns them down.  Hates how if he really does give in to her, he’ll have to work faster than her.

He particularly hates how he immediately responds to her touch, rock hard in his sweats. She’s attractive and he’s not blind. And there’s something that lights his veins on fire with how desperate she seems for his attention. She’s not used to having to wait for what she wants and he has half a mind to make her wait longer. Maybe he doesn’t even have to date her. Walking away from her now, or even after he sleeps with her, would get the message across too. 

But he hates her and hates how nice she feels against him and there’s something really passionate about his hate. So he swings her around and it’s her turn to be pushed against the door. Her mouth opens and she looks like she’s holding back a moan. Joshua’s body is totally pressed against hers now and he leans down to her ear. “You know how to be quiet, right? Don’t want to wake up your roommates, do we?” 

The words are taunting but they have an immediate affect on her. Her eyes get wide, lips pouting. She kind of looks like she might cry and he’s enjoying that far too much. “Yes, I’ll be quiet.” 

And she tried really hard. He thinks it’s actually pretty cute how obedient she is. He tells her to strip and she does. He tells her to get on her knees in front of him and she does. He tells her to stick out her tongue so he can push his cock inside her mouth and she does. Somewhere deep down, he realizes he’s being unfair because she seems to really be into him, but he can’t resist the opportunity to have her at his beck and call like this.

When he has her bent over her desk, she covers her mouth to muffle the sounds that are spilling out. When he has her on her back with her legs pushed to her chest, she covers her mouth then too. She really tries, but he has to cover her mouth himself to keep her quiet when he has her face down on the bed. She comes hard and he hates her for it because it feels too good around him.

Joshua is gettting dressed when she finally speaks up. “Do you want to go on a date with me?” 

He finds himself casually agreeing because he’s already decided he’s going to enjoy this a lot more than he thought. 

~

Minghao is sitting in their dorm room, watching his roommate with a raised eyebrow. Joshua is dressed nicely and he’s just meticulously fixed his hair and applied cologne. “Going somewhere?” Minghao asks lightly. 

“I have a date,” Joshua says and Minghao quirks an eyebrow. He doesn’t sound overjoyed about this date. 

“Oh? With who?” Minghao asks. He doesn’t actually care much. Joshua seems like a good guy but he wouldn’t say their particularly close since moving in together. 

“Choi Y/N.”

Minghao nearly spits out his tea all over his computer. “Come again?”

“I have a date with Choi Y/N,” Joshua says easily. 

“Mhm,” Minghao hums. “So I did hear you right. How did that happen?”

Joshua is so casual when he says, “We have a couple classes together. She asked me out after we hooked up.”

“Uh huh,” Minghao nods slowly. “Be careful with that. She’s kind of like playing with fire from what I hear.”

When Joshua smirks at him, Minghao is kind of taken aback. Joshua is usually pretty even-tempered from what he can tell and is very friendly. There’s something a little dark about his look right now. “I can handle it. Besides, I don’t expect it to last.”

“Okay,” Minghao drags out. Joshua slips on shoes and says bye. Something doesn’t feel right about this, but it’s really none of Minghao’s business. 

~

Joshua joins the troublemakers as he’s affectionately calling them for lunch the day after his date with Y/N. They want the full rundown, even though they were creeping in a booth across the restaurant watching them the whole time. They said they wanted to get a picture for the twitter account, but they didn’t have a good answer when Joshua said not everyone had to go for that. They’re just nosy. 

A few things became apparent about Y/N quickly. The first is that her mood swings wildly depending on the type of attention she’s getting. She likes to be liked. When Joshua responds to her too casually or even coldly, she deflates. When he warms up and gives her a shred of positive attention, she re-inflates, smiling widely. Joshua thinks this is a good thing. Mixed signals may keep her on the hook for longer now that he sees how she responds. 

The second is that she is a hopeless romantic. She likes to hold hands as they walk, swinging them cutely. She beams at him when he does quite literally anything gentlemanly, like walking on the outside of the sidewalk next to the street or holding a door open for her. Joshua thinks this is also a good thing. Those things come naturally to him anyway, so if she’s ever worried about how casual or cold he appears, these little things seem to negate how she feels about that. Again, the goal is to keep her on the hook until he’s ready to let her go. 

The third thing is that she seems to have no clue that her actions have consequences. She’s still clueless about who is pulling the pranks, which have continued and Joshua has even participated in a couple, and she laments that she feels like she’s a nice person and doesn’t deserve any of it. Joshua does everything to bite his tongue and not give away how frustrated he is by her lack of awareness. She is totally oblivious to the effect her short-lived romances have on people and it solidifies the need to give her a taste of her own medicine. 

Because, not that Joshua tells the troublemakers, but there were a few moments during their date that he had to remind himself of why he was here. Those moments were usually when she grinned at him or laughed. She’s a charismatic person and, whether she realizes it or not, she uses it as a weapon constantly. Joshua has to make an active effort to not let it suck him in.

He’s the one that asks her out for the second date while they’re talking after class and he feels smug when she immediately agrees with a big smile. This date is on Saturday and he’s super sweet the whole time. He even wonders if he’s overdone it, but he realizes she’s turned kind of shy. Cute. Also, totally unexpected but will work in his favor. When they stop at the front door of the sorority house, she asks if he wants to come in. He gets a ton of satisfaction out of saying that he’s sorry but he can’t. He watches her face fall, before she’s smiling that slightly insecure smile again, wishing him good night. 

On the third date, he’s back to being mostly disinterested and he has to bite back a smile as she works overtime over dinner to warm him up. He gives her bits and pieces and they work flawlessly. Again, he declines her request to come inside when he drops her off. He’s not interested in sleeping with her again, though he did enjoy how eager she was to please. 

He considers cutting it off right there on the door step of the sorority house. The troublemakers that have dated her gave him a script and asked him to use it when he does finally cut it off. He thinks better of it and wishes her a good night. On the way back to the dorm, he decides to continue with this as long as he feels it’s going well. It’s feeding a need for vengeance as much as it’s healing an open wound of his. He wishes he could pull something like this on Lily, but he also kind of hopes to never see her again. Y/N was the next best thing.

~

Wonwoo joins Mingyu and his group members for lunch and immediately regrets it. They’ve been gossiping like hens for weeks now and normally Wonwoo would love to stay out of it. He’s learned to tune it out for the most part, but he’s kind of alarmed at the excitement they all have when a strange guy shows up. They introduce him as Joshua. 

“So how’d it go? When are you breaking it off?” Mingyu whisper-yells. They’re in the quad and they don’t want their little plot to get out. 

Joshua gives an unsettling smile. “I don’t think I will yet.” 

“So you think she’s still on the hook?” Jihoon asks excitedly. 

“Almost certain of it,” Joshua responds. 

Wonwoo watches and listens for the duration of lunch, a sick feeling settling in his stomach. Joshua describes in great detail how the last date went and they’re all thrilled. Y/N is certainly not his favorite person, but he feels like this has gone so far beyond a little taste of revenge. He understands that some of them were upset by being dumped, but they seem to want to tear Y/N limb from limb. 

He’s lost in thought when he shows up for his work study. His supervisor tells him there’s someone that needs help troubleshooting an issue on their computer, so Wonwoo shrugs and goes to the repair room. He thinks god must hate him when it’s Y/N that’s sitting there. She gives him an apologetic smile that lacks all of her usual flair. 

“I’ve tried everything. Hopefully you can help me?”

Wonwoo sits across from her, taking her laptop. “What’s the issue?” 

“It won’t power on. My power cord is fine because I tried it on one of my roommates’ computers and the outlet I was using works for a lamp.” Wonwoo is surprised at her answer, or rather how thorough it is. He’s used to the basic ‘I don’t know, it’s just broken’. 

He’s starts by trying a standalone power cord at the work desk and booting it up in safe mode. She’s right though. The screen stays dark. “Might need a new battery,” he mumbles. She sighs. Technically, he’s done everything he’s required to do. It’s not a university laptop and there are limitations to what the department will do for personal devices. But he finds himself saying, “I think I have a couple spare ones we can try though. If that doesn’t work, they can give you a loaner out front until you can get a new one.” She smiles, looking a little relieved at the news, so he tacks on,  “No promises about the battery though.”

He gets the spare battery and begins opening the back of the laptop. He would usually not chatter while he works on something like this, but he remembers how his lunch went and his stomach is still churning. “Is this keeping you from working on a lot right now?”

Y/N huffs. “Yeah, it’s really bad timing actually. Isn’t it always, though? I have a research paper due tomorrow and I hope it’s still there if we can get this back on. I also have a ton of assignments to grade for the class I TA for.” 

Wonwoo hums in sympathy, but then he frowns once he gets the back panel off of the laptop. The battery is just… gone. So are the prongs that would activate the battery. They’ve been ripped out. There’s not much he can do about that.

Y/N must be able to tell that things aren’t looking good. “What is it?”

Wonwoo grimaces, looking up at her. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but a new battery won’t fix it. Your laptop has been sabotaged.” She looks like she might cry when she sees the jagged spot where the prongs used to be. The crying isn’t a new thing here when they can’t fix something. It usually happens at midterms and finals when everyone is in crunch time. Wonwoo has had to give the bad news that someone’s laptop is shot more than once and he totally gets the reaction. 

Except he’s feeling a lot of sympathy for her because now she is crying. Sobbing even. Uncomfortably, Wonwoo reaches over the work desk and pats her shoulder a couple times. “It’ll be okay. Like I said, loaners are available until you can replace this.” He isn’t sure she even heard him at first, but then she’s wiping her eyes, makeup smearing.  He silently hands her a tissue. 

“I’m sorry. It’s been a tough semester so far. This is probably another in a series of pranks. The thing is, I can’t afford to replace it right now. It was one thing when it was glue in hand sanitizer or a glitter bomb, but I don’t have the kind of money to get a new computer.”

Wonwoo feels like he might be consumed by guilt now. He’s sat by idly all semester so far while his roommate and others have tormented her. He thinks she’s right. A little glitter (or a lot of glitter based on the video on twitter) is one thing. The custodians can vacuum and Y/N can shower and wash her clothes. But this is property damage that can’t be fixed. 

Wonwoo decides a few things at once. The first thing is that he’ll bend the rules for Y/N. The loaner laptops suck and most can’t last a single class on battery alone. Plus, they sound like a plane taking off when they’re on. But the department stashes new devices for staff and employees that can be issued by the university if they need it. He’s usually the one to keep inventory and no one with miss it. 

He gets up and comes back and places the laptop and power cord in front of Y/N. “This one’s better than the loaners. Just get it back to me when you can before it’s missed too much.” 

Y/N is still tearful when she thanks him profusely. He pats her a couple more times on the shoulder when she leaves. He also offers to dispose of the trashed laptop, but at the end of his shift he shoves it into his backpack instead. 

When he gets home, he sits down at his PC, making just a few clicks. This is the second thing he’s decided to do. The texts start to flow in quickly but he ignores them. However, he can’t ignore Mingyu when he busts into his room. 

“Did you get our texts?! The app is down.”

“I know,” Wonwoo says, not taking his eyes off of the video game in front of him. 

“What’s wrong with it? How long until it will be back up?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I took it down and I won’t be putting it back up.”

He hears Mingyu stutter. “Why would you do that? We had a deal.” 

Slowly, Wonwoo pressed pause on his game and turned to face Mingyu. He’s lived with him for over two years now and thought he knew him pretty well, but he doesn’t really recognize him anymore. “I refuse to play a role in torturing that poor girl anymore. I know I can’t do much to stop whatever else you do outside of the app, but you won’t be able to use it as a tool anymore.”

Mingyu stammers. “But we had a deal! And since when is she a ‘poor girl’? She’s a monster.”

“She’s a poor girl when you guys prank her over and over again, up to destroying her laptop. I’m doing you a favor by not reporting that, by the way. And then whatever you guys are doing with Joshua. You might not like her, but I don’t think she’d ever be as cruel as you guys are being,” Wonwoo snaps. He’s up out of his chair, dragging the broken laptop out of his bag and slamming it down on his bed. The back is still off with the battery still very much missing. 

Mingyu scoffs like he doesn’t feel guilty at all and it disgusts Wonwoo. Mingyu doesn’t try to deny anything about the laptop, barely glancing at it. “Like she can’t afford another one. All she has to do is ask her daddy for a new one.”

“Really? Because when she was crying her eyes out in my repair room earlier, she said she couldn’t afford to replace it. You guys are tricking her with Joshua and pranking her relentlessly - fine, get your revenge. But now you’re destroying property and jeopardizing her academics and work study. Where’s the fucking line, Mingyu?”

“There is no line,” Mingyu snapped heatedly. “We don’t need your help anyway. We’ve got it handled on our own.” With that, Mingyu marched out, slamming Wonwoo’s door. 

Wonwoo stared off into space before a long time before finally closing out of his game. The third thing that he decided was that he would be trying to take down that damned twitter account again. 

~

Seungcheol is concerned. 

He's always concerned for his sister, don’t get him wrong. She’s got such a soft heart that he’s always been protective of her. There’s also a little twin telepathy, so he knows something is up. He’s seen the pranks on the twitter account, and at first she’d laughed it off. She’s got a good sense of humor and can take a joke. 

He’s confused when he finds her at the gym, sitting in the bleachers with a new laptop. Well, maybe not new, but it’s different. They’d bought matching ones together a couple years ago when there was a deal and this is not the same one he has in his own bag. “New computer?”

She’s frowning behind the screen. She should really be getting ready for cheer practice in the locker room, but she doesn’t look like she’s moving anytime soon. “It’s a loaner. Someone sabotaged mine.”

“What?” Seungcheol hisses. “What do you mean someone sabotaged your laptop? Do you know who?” He should also be in the locker room now preparing for basketball practice, but he’s rooted in his spot. 

“No,” Y/N said glumly. “Probably the same person that’s done the rest of the pranks, if I had to guess.” She sighs, looking over the screen at Seungcheol. “Cheol, am I a bad person? Is that why this keeps happening?”

Seungcheol is sitting next to her immediately, hugging her. He feels her pain and he hates it. She’s usually so joyful. “No, of course not. I don’t know why you’re being targeted, everyone loves you.”

“Maybe not,” she laughs humorlessly. “I thought it was playful at first, but now I have to figure out how to replace this laptop so I can return it.” She says this into Seungcheol’s shoulder. 

Seungcheol hesitates, but finally says, “Why don’t you ask Appa? He’d send you a new one?” 

Just as he expected, she scoffs though, pulling away from him and wiping under her eyes. It looks like her makeup is long gone and it’s totally unlike her to be without it. “You know I won’t do that. I don’t want his money or anything else from him.” It has a bite to it that only comes out for this topic. Seungcheol is usually the one that is quick to anger, but he can’t hold a candle to Y/N’s anger when it comes to their father. 

“I know. You don’t have to be friendly. He likes to throw money at the problem though, and it could help here,” he says gently. 

“I don’t want a single red cent,” she huffs. A girl steps out of the women’s locker room and waves Y/N over. They must be waiting for her. She stuffs her things into her bag. “I’ll see you later. Don’t be late for practice,” she says as she starts climbing down the bleachers. 

He already is but it doesn’t matter. They won’t start without him. Most players are already out on the court, though they’re just goofing off. Seungcheol lets it slide, going into the locker room to change. He’s the only one in the aisle. He’s pulling on a shirt when he hears someone in the next aisle over. It sounds like Kim Mingyu and he must have answered his phone and naturally Seungcheol can only hear one side of the conversation.

“Hello? I can’t talk long, I’m late for practice… No,” Mingyu sighs. “Wonwoo wouldn’t turn the app back on. He’s being a prick, defending her. But it doesn’t matter.” 

Seungcheol is about to close his locker when something makes his blood run cold. He hears Mingyu say, “Joshua’s still got her on the hook. That’ll do for now until he dumps her.”

Seungcheol leans against the locker, clenching his fist. He’s pretty sure Joshua is the name of the guy that Y/N has been seeing. He debates on whipping around the corner to interrogate Kim Mingyu immediately, but he thinks better of it as his teammate hangs up and leaves. Maybe he’s misinterpreted the one sided conversation. He has no context, but he’s left unsettled. He knows Mingyu took Y/N dumping him hard. A lot of men do. But he’d never thought anyone would seek vengeance for something like that. 

While he debates on what to do during practice, he takes great enjoyment in making Kim Mingyu run laps. He always kind of hated the guy anyway. If Seungcheol’s right, this is just another reason. 

-

Y/N is elated when Seungcheol and Jeonghan invite she and Joshua for a triple date. She’s been on multiple dates with Joshua now and really likes him. When she tells her brother and best friend that, they say they’d love to meet him. 

So they’re at the movie theater on Friday night. The theater is running a showing of Night of the Living Dead and Y/N is so thrilled when Joshua smiles at her and agrees to go with them. She’s even more thrilled that he seems to enjoy the movie. He holds her hand but it’s not because she’s scared, or even because he is. The two sorority sisters, Byeol and Sora, that Seungcheol and Jeonghan are with don’t fare so well, but her brother and best friend remind her all the time that that’s the entire point. They want the girls to cling to them. 

They’re walking out of the theater when Joshua tells her he was reminded why it’s one of his favorite movies. Y/N can feel the heart eyes she’s wearing. 

Things seem to be going so well that she’s not even fazed when Seungcheol and Jeonghan start interrogating Joshua at dinner afterwards. Joshua is so poised and has an answer for everything. He’s a transfer student and is set to graduate next semester. He moved for a change of scenery. He’s pre-med like Y/N but he’s interested in internal medicine. He sheepishly says that Y/N got him in for an internship in that department in the hospital next semester. 

Y/N thinks it went so well that she’s totally stunned when Seungcheol and Jeonghan encourage her to break up with Joshua the following Monday. They don’t have any specific reasons, just that they don’t think he’s right for her. 

She’s staring at them blankly. They have to sit inside the stuffy library because it’s nearly November and it’s getting too cold. “What do you mean he’s not right for me? He seems perfect.”

“Too perfect, perhaps,” Seungcheol frowns at her, but there’s something about his eyes that give him away. He doesn’t like Joshua. 

“Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? I mean if you find the right person, shouldn’t it be easy?” Y/N insisted. 

“Oh, you sweet summer child,” Jeonghan sighed and he actually looked like he was in a bit of pain at her naivety. “Look, Y/N, you know I love you right?” Y/N nods, because he might be a menace, but he’s always had her back and isn’t shy about telling her that. “You can ultimately do what you want, but something doesn’t feel right about this. I mean, can you name a single flaw of his?”

Y/N laughed. “Is being flawless a problem? You say you are all the time.”

Jeonghan doesn’t laugh though. He looks a little exasperated actually. “Yes, it’s a problem! I have a ton of flaws, starting with being in denial about having any flaws!”

Y/N frowns and finds she can’t look at them across the table. “I really like him. He’s nice, and funny, and a gentleman. What he wants for his future aligns with mine. And not that it’s important, but he’s great in bed.” Her eyes shoot up when the two men sigh. 

“Angel, when did you sleep with him? I thought we agreed to slow it down some,” Jeonghan asked, trying not to scold her. He was right, they had agreed that she’d be more careful. Jaehyun had talked a lot of game about how he would be getting with her and Jeonghan had insisted she break it off. He had said it was one thing if sex came with the admiration that most men had for her. But occasionally, some of them just wanted to hit it while they could because they viewed her as easy. Jeonghan and Seungcheol had worried for years that she’d eventually get taken advantage of because of her sweet, trusting nature. 

After the event with Jaehyun, Jeonghan had strongly suggested that she avoid sleeping with anyone that she was dating for a while. It seems that hadn’t mattered when it came to Joshua. 

“A while back, before we started dating,” Y/N finally admits. She kind of feels like a child when they both gave her admonishing looks and she can’t help but pout. “But then he agreed to go out with me when I asked!”

Another admonishing look for both of them, but increasing in intensity. Seungcheol’s eyes scream disappointment. “Honey, since when do you do the asking?”

Y/N didn’t really have a good answer for that, except for ‘never’. But they already knew that. She wasn’t even sure what had possessed her to ask that night. She was so excited that he’d come over that the words had just spilled out. She feels positively dejected now admitting all of this. 

Jeonghan doesn’t let her look like that long though. He stands up. “Come on. Let’s go get some coffee. I’ll even pay.” She follows blindly when Seungcheol asks if Jeonghan is paying for him to. She also ignores the subsequent argument. She doesn’t even order for herself when they get to the cafe on campus. Not like she has to when both of them know her order by heart. Jeonghan and Seungcheol drop the topic for now, but the insecurity she keeps feeling when it comes to Joshua is back. Maybe they’re right. Maybe she should cut it off. 

~

Joshua met the troublemakers for dinner on his night off. He didn’t think anything of it when Jihoon had insisted they all meet to catch up. He’d actually come to enjoy their company and they’d even started talking about things unrelated to Y/N. He kind of expected that this would be a casual dinner but he was wrong. He had to ask Jihoon to repeat himself a couple times. 

“You think I should be love bombing?” 

Jihoon nods insistently. “Yes. I happened to overhear her in the library earlier. Her brother and Jeonghan were trying to talk her into dumping you. And you’re right, she’s still very much on the hook, but I’m not sure how long she will be. She seemed upset by the conversation.”

Joshua isn’t totally surprised by that. It was obvious that Seungcheol and Jeonghan didn’t care much for him. Y/N had seemed none the wiser at dinner on Friday and Joshua was kind of banking on it staying that way. The thing is, it was painfully obvious how naive she was. He had moments where he started to feel bad because it was just so easy. At the same time, he thought it was funny for her to have dated like she had but still have no idea she’s being played. 

“Well, what do you suggest?” Joshua asks the table. They don’t have much to offer, but then he remembers that they all only got three dates, while Joshua is on date seven. He shrugs when there are too many beats of silence. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll figure it out.”

He starts simply. He starts visiting her in her TA office between classes to see her for a bit and have a snack. He turns down an Oreo when she offers him one for the open container in her desk drawer. She takes one bite into it and spits it out almost immediately. He plays the role of good boyfriend and babies her, asking her what’s wrong. When she tells him it was filled with toothpaste he pretends to be appalled as if he didn’t buy the tube himself. Nevertheless, she folds when he says he can’t believe anyone is still targeting her with their pranks. 

He also kicks up the PDA a notch when they are together. She seems to be enjoying it, even seeking it out sometimes, albeit shyly. He has to remind himself that he hates her. 

That’s been happening a lot lately. Today is Sunday, and he’s in the kitchen of the sorority house baking with Y/N. She’s got a little powdered sugar on her cheek and he thinks she looks cute. He even wipes it off her cheek without really thinking about it. She smiles up at him with a whisk in her hand and he has to picture a snake instead, because that’s what she’s supposed to be. 

They’re sitting in her room now, eating their desserts while they talk. The troublemakers had insisted he start spending time alone with her in private. He didn’t think it was a bad idea, but he hates how cute she looks in her hot pink pajama pants. Something about how comfortable she’s getting around him is unsettling. 

One of her roommates knocks on the open bedroom door and gives her a package. Y/N doesn’t look surprised by it but she doesn’t look totally pleased either. Joshua watches as she slices the box open, revealing a new laptop. “Ooo, that’s nice,” he muses. “What happened to your other one?” He already knows the answer.

“It’s busted,” she says shortly. “I’ve been using a loaner for a few weeks.” 

“This must have set you back some,” Joshua comments lightly. He’d heard from Mingyu that her father would probably be replacing it. That suspicion is confirmed when she sighs. 

“Yeah, my pride maybe. I had to ask my dad for help on it.”

“Generous dad,” Joshua says, still trying to keep things light, but he’s sensed something dark about her mood as soon as the package arrived. It’s so uncommon that it takes him by surprise.

Y/N laughs humorlessly. “He’s good at throwing money at a problem, that’s for sure. Wish I didn’t have to take anything from him, but I wouldn’t have been able to afford it myself and I really need to return the loaner.” 

This gives Joshua pause. Mingyu had painted her as a spoiled rich girl and Joshua had blindly accepted it because she did give off that vibe. Finally, he carefully asks, “Are… you guys not close?”

Another humorless laugh. “No,” she scoffs. “Not since he busted fifteen years of marriage for his secretary that’s half his age.” Joshua frowns and she must have realized what she said, so she gives him an apologetic look. “Sorry, that was probably too much. It’s just a sore subject.”  

“Y/N… that sucks. I’m sorry.” Joshua means it. He’s been blessed with two supportive parents that love each other and are the example of a nearly perfect relationship. He finds himself asking, “Are you close to your mom?” He kind of hopes the answer is yes, even though he hates her.

This lightens Y/N right up even though she’s handling the laptop she didn’t want now. “Yeah, she’s kind of my hero. She’s done everything for Seungcheol and I since the divorce, even if it was hard on her. I wish I could visit her more, but I talk to her nearly every day.”

Joshua’s chest warms. It’s sweet to think about. Unlike all the other things that are sweet about her that he hates, he doesn’t hate this one. He finds himself genuinely smiling at her. “That’s good. I miss my parents a lot, but our timezones never really work out now so it’s just the occasional text.”

Y/N’s expression is sympathetic. “I’m sorry. It has to be hard being so far away from them.” She bites her lip. “Can I ask… why did you move if you’re so close to them?”

He doesn’t know why he even thinks about answering. It’s something he hasn’t really answered for anyone here, though they’ve asked. He should be too busy hating her and plotting against her. Joshua laughs a little, sitting on the bed next to the box. “It’s kind of stupid, actually.”

“Try me,” Y/N says kindly, moving the box and sitting next to him. Their knees touch and Joshua feels so dumb for being momentarily distracted by it. 

He feels lame when he answers. “I ended a long term relationship and there were too many memories back home. I didn’t intend to move across the world initially, but when I was accepted here I took it immediately.”

He hates her again, because she’s giving him a sweet sympathetic smile. He hates her because it seems genuine. “I’m sorry. It must have been some breakup to need to get away like that.”

“Yeah,” he laughs but it sounds a little empty. “To the tune of being cheated on for three years straight with multiple people.” He hates her again because she hisses, face still kind and sympathetic. 

“Damn. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine that.”

He bets she can’t right now, but she’ll live something like it soon. 

She’s oblivious to his internal struggles and continues. “I might not be the best at dating, but if I had something good for three years, I wouldn’t jeopardize it like that. I wish I had something that lasted.” Awkwardly, she glances up at him. She looks a little embarrassed. “I know we just started dating so I don’t want to make any assumptions about how you feel. I do like you though, Joshua.”

She’s so disarming that it’s making him a little weak. He’s been here before, but now he’s aware that he might as well be staring down the barrel of a gun again.

Lily had that affect too. She’d smile or act cute and it had him folding at the snap of a finger. He hadn’t realized all the red flags until it was far too late. 

The whole point of this experiment, if they could even call it that anymore, was to bring Y/N down and Joshua agreed because she’s just like Lily in that way. She bats her eye and smiles and gets whatever she wants. 

And yet, Joshua is weak for her just like he was for Lily. Maybe because he’s seeing things in Y/N that aren’t like Lily at all. Lily was materialistic, while Y/N has very little decor around her room, likes thrifting, and hates accepting gifts from her father. Lily thrived on the way people admired her but Joshua now recognized it was because they could be manipulated because of it. Y/N seems shockingly innocent in that regard. Oblivious maybe, but she’s not malicious. And whereas Lily would use tears and guilt tripping to get what she wanted, Y/N has just carefully admitted her feelings without putting pressure on him.

Joshua is staring at her while he thinks of all this and he doesn’t stop her when she leans in to kiss him. It’s very careful compared to the last time they kissed, way back before she’d asked him out. 

He really hates her because he folds just like he would with Lily. He holds Y/N’s face and returns the kiss without much thought. It’s Joshua who begins to escalate things this time, starting with a hand on her upper thigh. He feels the tension in his body getting tighter because he hates how his heart races and how good it feels when he tugs on her waist and she climbs into his lap, straddling him. 

He’s about to push her back on the bed when she gets up and locks her bedroom door. She told him earlier that it’s against the house rules to lock your bedroom door with a guy in here but it seems she’s willing to break them for him today. When she’s back in arms reach, he pulls her to him gently. This is so different than the first time they were together. It’s all soft touches and kisses. He’s soft when he asks if he can undress her unlike his commands the last time and when she says yes his movements are also slow and gentle. When he’s inside of her, her breath is gentle on his neck and lips as are the soft noises she makes as he slowly fucks into her. If you could call it that. It feels far too romantic to be fucking this time around. 

He finds he likes it more like this and yet he hates it. 

He’s got to get out now. This can’t go on. 

~ 

Joshua watches the troublemakers deflate when he tells them he’s going to break thing off. They were enjoying the chaos they were causing and don’t want the primary method for that to stop. Joshua knows they’re still enjoying the pranking - they have rolls and rolls of Christmas wrapping paper to prove it for their next idea and Joshua doesn’t ask because he doesn’t want to know. 

And he knows they’ve enjoyed this vindictive game that Joshua has been the pawn for. But he won’t budge on ending it ASAP. They seem to let that go until they find out he’s going to break things off quietly. 

“What was this whole thing for if it all ends quietly?” Mingyu looks so confused. 

Joshua is staying firm. He answers Mingyu through a bite of his stir fry. “Don’t you think we’ve done enough? I break it off quietly, she knows what it’s like, and we can all call it a day. Or a semester really.”

“But what about my twitter account?” Seungkwan laments. “Can I at least get some details to post about after you do it?” 

Joshua sighs. “Sure.”

Jihoon narrows his eyes. “Why are you so eager to stop everything? We haven’t even been feeding you ideas lately. That’s all been you.” Joshua doesn’t answer and he ignores Jihoon’s scoff. “Don’t tell me she got to you.” 

“No, she didn’t get to me,” Joshua said firmly. “But the job is done. She’s hooked. She’s admitted she likes me a lot and it shows because we been dating for nearly two months. Exactly how long were you guys planning to drag this out? Your assignment is pretty much done.” He knows because he’s seen it himself. They’ve gotten the results that they wanted, yet they keep saying they need ‘more data’. That data doesn’t seem to be for the assignment anymore. 

Seokmin sighs. “Look, I know she’s disarming. It’s okay if she did get to you. But you need to let us finish this how we intended. We agreed to an exposé after you break it off. Are you backing out of that?”

Joshua doesn’t answer right away. He had agreed to it. Hell, he’d been the one to suggest it. It felt like the cherry on top of this unofficial document that they had drafted. One final push to make Choi Y/N fall from grace. 

Yet he finds himself saying. “I don’t think we should do it. Let me break it off quietly, Seungkwan can post a little blurb about it, and then we call it a day.”

Mingyu’s looking at him hard now. “You slept with her again, didn’t you?”

Joshua scoffs, regretting that he mentioned the first time to them. “It doesn’t matter. If we take this much farther, this will blow up in everyone’s face.” 

“It does matter,” Jihoon insists. “We told you in the beginning that you can’t let her worm her way in.” 

“She didn’t ‘worm her way in’,” Joshua snaps. “You think I don’t know girls like Y/N? Why do you think I agreed to this?” All four of his companions look angry, but so is Joshua. He stands up with his tray. “Look, let me break up with her quietly this afternoon and then you guys can post whatever the fuck you want. But I’m done with this after today.” They don’t stop him when he walks away. After he drops off his tray, he takes out his phone and unfollows the gossip twitter account. He doesn’t care to see what they do with it next. 

~

 “Why are you so giddy? It’s irritating,” Jeonghan says from her bed. He’s come over to the sorority house under the guise of getting help with his math homework, but he has yet to crack open a book or even pull it out of his backpack for that matter. Instead, he’s totally wrinkled her covers and tossed some of her pillows on the floor in an effort to get comfortable. 

But Y/N is giddy. She’s still thinking about yesterday when Joshua was over. She’d hooked up with a fair number of people, but that had been different for her. He was so sweet and gentle and it had made her melt. 

“It’s nothing,” she says from her desk. She would normally not keep a secret from Jeonghan. She can only think of a few occasions that she’s done so as long as she’s known him. But she didn’t want his look of disappointment to ruin her high. 

But the thing about knowing someone as long as she and Jeonghan have known each other is that you can’t get away with much. Jeonghan looks sly when she turns around to face him. “Someone got fucked.” Jeonghan nearly cackles at the blush that overtakes Y/N’s face. “And fucked good at that.”

“Jeonghan! Do you have no manners?” She scolds, but she’s also biting back a giggle. 

“No,” Jeonghan says shamelessly. “Tell me, was he better than me?” 

“Jeonghan!” Y/N shouts, too shocked to laugh right away. They don’t often talk about losing their first kisses to each other at 14 and losing their virginities to each other at 16, mostly because it had never affected their friendship. But sometimes, Jeonghan likes to surprise her with a mention of it just to embarrass her. 

But it doesn’t embarrass her the way he seems to think it does. She’s not embarrassed to have slept with Jeonghan once upon a time. He was sweet and he knew her so well even back then. She couldn’t imagine it being with anyone else. That was why she was comfortable pitching the idea to him in the first place. 

Plus there was always this little, tiny, microscopic crush that she suppressed. It didn’t go anywhere even after they kissed or had sex, so she let it go. But the mention of it makes her feel warm only because it’s Jeonghan that says it. 

Jeonghan’s laughing loudly. “It’s okay, you can answer honestly.” 

Y/N huffs. “You know it’s not like that with us.”

Jeonghan’s laugh is lighter. “I know, angel.” He pauses for a moment and it seems like he decides to continue. “I’m happy it’s going well. I know we gave you a hard time about him, but if you’re happy we will be too.”

Y/N smiles warmly at him. That’s why he’s her best friend. “Thanks, Hannie. Now are you ever going to do your homework?” 

Jeonghan groans, crawling under the covers. 

~

Joshua is in his biostats class when it happens. Phones buzz across desks and the instructor looks annoyed but continues lecturing. Joshua is in the front of the class, so he can only hear reactions to the notification. People gasp and whispers break out. There’s even some laughter. The instructor tries to call things to order, but it’s no use. He calls the class to an end ten minutes early with a warning about phone usage during lectures. 

On his way out, Joshua sees Y/N frozen at her desk. She’s got her phone in her hand and she looks like she’s not breathing. She looks like she might even cry. 

Good. He doesn’t stay to watch the show. It’s satisfying enough to see the excitement bubbling around campus. It’s because the exposé has been posted. 

Despite saying they shouldn’t do it and that he wanted nothing to do with it if they did, he’d changed his mind as he left the sorority house yesterday afternoon. One of her housemates had let him in and pointed him upstairs, saying Y/N was home. He’s giving himself a pep talk all the way up the stairs and down the hall to her room. He should be kind but straight to the point. He even debates using the phrase that the troublemakers had fed him, because something about throwing it back in her face like that feels too mean now. 

Her bedroom door is cracked and he’s just about to knock when he hears a male voice inside. He’s not sure who it is so he waits for a beat. 

“Tell me, was he better than me?” 

Joshua’s frozen in place. He hears Y/N gasp and yell, “Jeonghan!” Then she’s giggling. 

Jeonghan must find it funny too. “It’s okay, you can answer honestly.” 

Y/N huffs. “You know it’s not like that with us.”

Jeonghan’s laughing again, but there’s something a little too intimate about it. “I know, angel.” 

Joshua quietly exited because he didn't need to hear anymore. He shouldn’t be surprised. He’d been warned over and over again. He also remembered how Mingyu had called Jeonghan the male version of Y/N. They really were a match made in hell, as Jihoon had said that day in the courtyard. 

Joshua had barely gotten around the corner from the sorority house before he pulled out his phone and sent a message. ‘Never mind. Do the exposé.’

They don’t need to be told twice and it’s not very kind. Joshua knows because he helped write it. Seungkwan was even hesitant to post it but it promises a major reaction. 

It seems he got over that hesitancy. Joshua feels smug as he walks back to his dorm. He might even follow the twitter account again just to see the downfall.

~

Think you know Choi Y/N? Campus it girl. Sorority girl. Cheerleader. Straight A student. Sure, I guess.

But do you know her dating history? 

Let’s start with this summer. She met Lee Jihoon at a bar and went on exactly three dates with him. 

On her birthday (at which point she hadn’t ended things with Jihoon yet), she slept with Kim Mingyu, then they went on exactly three dates. 

Then her next victim was Lee Seokmin. He also got exactly three dates… before she was spotted getting cozy with Jeong Jaehyun minutes after Seokmin received her message letting him down easy.

You’re starting to get the point, I’m sure. This is nothing new since she’s been doing this for years now. 

And now, Joshua Hong, transfer student. Except Y/N won’t know until she reads this that it was all a set up. If you’ve been wronged by Choi Y/N, then you know she deserves a taste of her own medicine and she’s got it now. 

Especially when she says she really likes Joshua Hong and dates him for two months (a record!) while sleeping with Yoon Jeonghan on the side. Anyone else have a Choi Y/N story they’d like to share?

Act Three

The drive is quiet, mostly because no one knows what to say. It’s never been this quiet for the three of them, not in 22 years. Not even when it was supposed to be. 

Seungcheol and Jeonghan aren’t talking. Two weeks ago, Seungcheol found Jeonghan on campus and just started swinging. Jeonghan ended up with a bloody nose before some of Seungcheol’s teammates nearby could drag Seungcheol off of him. Not as bad as it could have been, but it was a first. They’d never been in a fist fight before, not even as kids on the playground. They ended up in front of the Dean for it too. Thankfully, the Dean let it slide with a warning. 

Seungcheol is also not talking to Y/N, specifically because he hadn’t known she slept with Mingyu the night of their birthday party months ago. He’d thought he had a pretty close relationship with his twin sister, but he feels betrayed that he found some thing like that out on twitter of all places. 

Jeonghan and Y/N are talking, but barely. The tension is overwhelming. No matter how much they emphasize that they haven’t been sleeping together, no one seems to believe them. Without really discussing it, they decide some distance would be good. He’s insistent that he’s still her best friend for life and she’ll never be rid of him, though it doesn’t feel like it from the back seat of her and Seungcheol’s shared car. 

Y/N kind of feels like a ghost. She has for two weeks now. She barely took in anything to do with dead week or finals week. The normal stress of that time of the year doesn’t really register because she feels too numb. It’s kind of a blessing because if she can’t take much in, she doesn’t notice all the laughter and whispers that follow her around campus, at cheer practice, and in the sorority house. 

Just about the only person that gives her any sympathy is Wonwoo when she goes to return the loaner laptop before leaving for the break. He delicately asks how she’s doing and he seems like he really wants to know. His kindness doesn’t feel like something she deserves. She leaves before she cries in front of him again. 

Tonight is the dinner at her father’s house. Jeonghan is always invited and is still coming despite whatever is going on with the three of them. When they got in the car, the only thing they really said to each other is that they didn’t want to involve their parents in this mess. So they had to pretend like everything was fine, if only for one dinner. 

The mansion is cold when the three of them arrive. Their bags are still in the car because they aren’t staying here. Y/N is relieved by that small blessing. She can’t wait to be in her old bedroom in her mom’s small cozy apartment in a matter of hours. 

Nari greets them with a smile that is totally fake. She’s wearing a little black dress and heels under her apron. Y/N guesses she’s taken on the role of housewife since leaving her position as secretary at the company. It sounded like it didn’t look good for her to be married to the boss, preferential treatment and all. 

Nari sends them to the sitting room. It’s cold in there too and not a blanket in sight over the back of the couch or in a bin in the corner. Jeonghan silently takes off his wooly cardigan and hands it to her, ignoring Seungcheol’s glare. He’s been doing that anytime he sees the two of them interact. 

Nari comes out with a tray of drinks, handing them around. Y/N takes a single sip of the drink and puts it down. There’s no grenadine in hers while the boys’ drinks are a light pink because of it.  She knows it’s a calculated jab to not give her something everyone else gets but Y/N refuses to give Nari the satisfaction of a reaction. 

“Where’s Appa tonight?” Seungcheol asks politely. Everything is formal with Nari, just as it’s always been with their father too. 

Nari smiles and it’s so sickly sweet that Y/N has to look away. “He called and said he was running late at the office. Should be here anytime. Excuse me, I need to go check the roast. The chef is on vacation.” She says it snidely, like the chef doesn’t deserve a vacation, but the three of them say nothing. Once she’s out of the room, Jeonghan switches drinks with Y/N, taking the non-grenadine one. He, again, pointedly ignores Seungcheol’s glare.

Y/N is still cold at dinner where she picks at her food. Her father has barely glanced at her the whole time. He’s worried about how Seungcheol’s team is going to do this year and how Jeonghan’s applications to the internship at his company’s office near the university have gone. He promises to put in a good word for Jeonghan. 

Reluctantly, her father looks down his nose at Y/N. “And how was your semester?”

“It went well,” Y/N said, feeling a little bit like she was in a job interview. “I got straight As. The sorority and cheer team are doing well too.” She could talk about the fundraisers and volunteer events the sorority did, or how she learned a new stunt for a routine, but she knows by now he doesn’t really care. He’d always looked at her with such disinterest, even as a child.

Her father pretends to look pleased. “Good to hear. We need a Dr. Choi in the family. Can’t let those grades slip.” Y/N just nods in agreement. “By the way, did you get the replacement laptop I sent?” 

“I did. Thank you for sending it so quickly. I apologize that I didn’t send you a message when I got it, but I had a lot to catch up on, what with a broken laptop.” The words burn in her throat. She doesn’t want to thank him. She doesn’t want anything from him. She wants her mom. 

“Of course, but you should really be more careful, Y/N. Don’t be so reckless with your belongings,” he scolds. Y/N doesn’t miss how pleased Nari is with the lecture. Y/N remembers when Nari sent her to boarding school for part of semester in high school. Seungcheol hadn’t been sent away since he was supposed to be a starter on the basketball team. Their mother had to drive to the boarding school and pull her out after Y/N cried on the phone one too many times. Nari didn’t look happy when she showed up on the doorstep with her suitcase again.

“Yes sir,” Y/N answers meekly, if only to avoid anymore conversation. Seungcheol and Jeonghan both clench their jaws across the table. 

After an agonizing couple hours, Seungcheol makes the excuse that they should get going. They still have to drop Jeonghan off and get home to their mother’s apartment across town. 

In the car, neither boys say anything as Y/N cries in the backseat. This dinner was the straw that broke the camel's back. Jeonghan ignores Seungcheol’s looks in the rearview mirror because he refused to sit in the front seat, sliding into the back with her to hold her hand. 

~ 

The break flies by only because Y/N wishes it wouldn’t. She’d like to stay in her warm bed in her mom’s warm apartment for the rest of her life. She surprises herself by even considering not going back, but she knows she’d never hear the end of it. After all, she has one semester left. Then she can pick anywhere for medical school, given that she gets accepted. 

Her mother is clearly worried, and Y/N feels so guilty for it. Her mother has been a nurse for over 20 years. She works hard and she works long, weird hours. She always has in order to make it work for the twins. So Y/N tries to slap a smile on her face when she’s out of her room if only to keep her from worrying, particularly when she’s just come home from an overnight shift. 

But it seems it doesn’t matter because her mother still knocks on her door the night before they’re scheduled to drive back to school. Y/N is packing after doing some laundry and she slaps that fake smile on her face when her mother sits cross legged on her bed. “Are you sure you have to go? You could just move back in for good. Just don’t tell your brother,” her mother teases. 

This does bring a little bit of a genuine smile to Y/N’s face. “I would love to, but I’m so close to being done.” 

“I know, baby, and I’m so proud of you.” Her mother stopped and stared for a second. Finally, she sighs. “You know, I had a really bad semester at nursing school. Even had to switch schools because of it.”

Y/N isn’t sure how she knows that the semester was bad because she hadn’t said anything. But there’s no point in denying it. She’s been moping for weeks now. “Really? What happened?”

“Some mean girls,” her mother shrugs. “They’re everywhere, but they were more tolerable at the second school.”

Y/N continues folding clothes if only to keep busy. “What if I’m the mean girl?” 

“What do you mean, baby?” 

It had been weighing on Y/N’s mind. Something about the post a couple weeks before finals had made things painfully obvious to her. She hadn’t realized how it looked to others while she was chasing and looking for the right guy. She didn’t realize how many feelings she’d hurt on that chase. She eventually deleted her twitter account and locked down all of her other socials to avoid finding out how anyone else really felt about her. 

“I think I’ve hurt some feelings with my dating habits. I didn’t mean anything by it… but I did.” 

Her mother is quiet for a moment, before waving her over. There’s something so comforting about curling up into her mother’s side. “I’ll tell you what I think, okay?” Y/N nods into her shoulder. “You have so much love to give. You always have, you and Seungcheol both. And you really want to be with someone to share that. But maybe it’s okay if you keep it to yourself sometimes.” Her mother’s head plops down on top of Y/N’s. “You know, I was always afraid the divorce would affect you two. It’s why I stayed until I just couldn’t anymore. But now I see how you might be chasing after the validation you didn’t see in mine and your father’s relationship. And you don’t need it, okay? Take care of yourself first.”

Y/N is tearful and this is all too serious, so she has to crack a joke. “I think you’re spending too much time covering shifts in the psych ward. You sound like a shrink.”

Y/N’s mother laughs loudly. “Oh, I know. They’re keeping me on that rotation because I’m so good. Come on. Let’s finish packing this and then we’ll make some cookies for you to take with you tomorrow.”

~

Mingyu is pissed. He has been for days. Specifically, because a couple days before he was due to come back from break, the twitter account mysteriously disappears. So does any trace of it. No one has screenshots and the document they’d drafted of the exposé is gone too. All that’s left is anything they compiled for the final project. 

Seungkwan says he didn’t do anything with the twitter account and Mingyu believes him because his texts sound panicked. As Seungkwan is lamenting over the years he’s spent building up that account, Mingyu develops a theory. When he calls Wonwoo multiple times without receiving an answer, he considers it evidence. 

So when Mingyu arrives back at his apartment, he’s seething. Wonwoo looks totally unfazed where he lays on the couch with a book as Mingyu all but throws down his suitcase. “What the fuck did you do?”

“Whatever do you mean?” Wonwoo sounds bored. He doesn’t even look up from his book. 

“The twitter account, you asshole!”

“Oh, that? I hacked it and deleted it.” Wonwoo says this so casually that it almost makes Mingyu’s brain explode. 

“Why would you do that?! You know how hard we worked on that.” Mingyu thinks he might hit Wonwoo. “Months of work and now we have nothing to show for it. And years of work for Seungkwan.”

“That’s too bad,” Wonwoo says without an ounce of sympathy. 

Mingyu is fast approaching the bargaining phase. He plops down on the couch next to Wonwoo. “I thought you said you couldn’t do it anyway. What happened?”

Wonwoo gives him a blank look. “Oh, I’ve spent months on it, but I was finally able to do it over the break. It wasn’t easy, but it was very satisfying to click confirm on that little pop up.”

Mingyu stammers, at a total loss of words. Eventually, he’s pleading. “Why, Wonwoo? That was the basis of our whole project.” 

“And your project is done. I saw the document you guys turned in.” Wonwoo’s voice is turning icy. “What? It wasn’t enough for you to get a little revenge and an A+? Now you want to go back and relive it?”

“Why are you acting like this? You don’t even like her!” Mingyu cried. 

“I like her a hell of a lot more than I like any of you guys right now. I don’t even recognize you anymore, Mingyu.” It’s Wonwoo’s turn to be mad. He slams the book closed, throwing it down on the coffee table. “You tore her apart and then kept that account up to let everyone else keep tearing her apart. Do you feel better now? Does that help you get over the three dates you took her on? Are you seeing how you guys overreacted now?”

“She had it coming,” Mingyu argued but he was losing heat. Wonwoo rarely lectured him like this. 

“You destroyed her. I’ll be surprised if she even comes back,” Wonwoo snapped, standing up to pace. “I asked her if she was okay when she turned in the loaner laptop and she looked like she could cry on the spot. Whatever vengeance you got, I hope you enjoyed it because you don’t get anymore if it touches a computer or phone. I’ll hack every single device you guys have to make sure of it.”

Mingyu has deflated, totally stunned. “Why are you defending her? I don’t understand this at all.”

“I’m defending her because it seems like literally no one else is. I’m sure you know the damage that you’ve caused.” When Mingyu gives him a blank look, Wonwoo snaps again. “Let me refresh your memory. I heard she’s the laughing stock of the sorority and cheer team. She’s deleted her twitter account because there were hundreds of people tagging her in comments. And last I heard Seungcheol and Jeonghan fought.”

Mingyu had heard that. It makes news in the locker room when your captain gets into a fist fight and is sent to the Dean’s office. The coach wasn’t happy. “I can’t help that,” Mingyu insisted. “Besides, that was probably a long time coming. Joshua said Y/N had been sleeping with Jeonghan the whole time.”

“And that’s another thing! They’re both firmly denying that.”

Mingyu rolls his eyes because he can’t help it. “And you believe that? How do you know all of this anyway? Everyone’s been gone for break.”

“You know, I do believe it actually, especially since she didn’t bother denying anything else you guys wrote. And let’s just say some other accounts have been cleaned up as well.” Wonwoo picks up his book. “I’m leaving. I mean it though. You guys are done.”

Wonwoo’s disappointment is clear and leaves Mingyu feeling conflicted. But the thing is, the project’s over and the twitter account is gone. Mingyu decides it’s time to move on. 

~

Joshua can feel eyes on him, but this time he knows who it is. Minghao has been doing a lot of staring lately. Neither had anywhere to go during the break, but they saw very little of each other. It seems Minghao is upset with him, and Joshua hasn’t asked yet. 

But it’s starting to drive him crazy, because he really wants to enjoy his night off and watch some TV. When he glances at Minghao, his roommate is peering over his laptop. Joshua raises an eyebrow. “What?”

Minghao continues to stare, before finally saying, “Nothing.”

Joshua scoffs. “If you have something to say, just say it. You’ve been like this all break.”

Minghao purses his lips. “Nothing, really. I just thought you were nicer, is all.”

“Nicer? What do you mean?” Joshua prided himself on being polite, a gentleman even. 

“I mean the twitter account.” Joshua must looked surprised, because Minghao rolls his eyes. “Yes, even I have twitter. And even if I didn’t it would have been impossible to miss. I just don’t understand how you got involved in all that. Or why.”

“She deserved it,” Joshua mumbled. He didn’t really have another excuse anymore. He’d deleted the app to keep from looking at it because it was kind of like watching a car crash. 

“I beg to differ.”

Minghao’s statement makes Joshua’s jaw drop as he sits up. “What do you mean? You were the first one to tell me what she was like.”

“Yeah, I get it. Play the player and all. But you and whoever you were working with took it to the extreme,” Minghao said seriously. “I mean, there are some nasty things being written about her.” 

“So?” 

Minghao blinks a few times. “Fine, be that way. Leave me alone, though.” Joshua watched as Minghao slid headphones on and turned away. 

~

Y/N has never been what you would call a recluse. She liked to be around people, always had, but she finds she can’t when she returns to campus. She hides out in her room at the sorority house most of the time, even avoiding her housemates. Some are mean and others are pitying, but Y/N doesn’t care for either of those things, so she waits until everyone has left or is in bed before she comes out for things like food or laundry. 

She’s taken to spending a lot of time in bed. Not scrolling, not watching TV, not even reading.  She’s staring at that same spot on the wall when there’s a knock on her bedroom door. It opens and Seungcheol comes in. They haven’t really talked much outside of the necessities of traveling together so she sits up in bed, surprised. He doesn’t really acknowledge her as he puts the bags he’s carrying down onto her desk. She watches as he unpacks a couple orders of her favorite sushi. When he hands them to her with a pair of chopsticks, her eyes water a bit. 

She doesn’t dig in right away, waiting for him to get his stuff and sit next to her on the bed. He doesn’t crack open his food either. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. 

Y/N shakes her head. “No, I’m sorry. I made such a mess without even realizing it.”

“Maybe a little,” Seungcheol chuckles. “But you’re still my sister and I’m sorry that I didn’t just come talk to you about it. And I’m sorry I haven’t really helped you out any lately. I know you’ve had a hard time with all this.”

Y/N sighs, putting her food to the side. She leans into Seungcheol. “Maybe I deserved it. All the pranks. The twitter account. I didn’t even realize how bad it all looked until I read it along with everyone else.”

She feels Seungcheol shake his head. “No. They don’t understand it.” She doesn’t have to ask what he’s referring to because she knows it’s about their father and the divorce. Seungcheol had once jokingly said the whole thing had given her a complex, but maybe it wasn’t much of a joke. “And anyway, that whole thing with Joshua reeked. I wish I’d pressed you more to end it with him because it’s totally unfair that it was a set up.”

Y/N frowns. She’d tried not to think much of Joshua lately because it would do no good. She hadn’t heard from him and she didn’t expect to, so she hadn’t reached out either. “I should have known it was too good to be true.” 

“Maybe, but it’ll work out with someone someday.” Seungcheol sounds like he means that. After a beat, he asks, “So you and Jeonghan? How long has that been going on?”

“It hasn’t been. We lost our virginity to each other when we were 16. That’s it.”

“That’s it?” Seungcheol sounds surprised. 

“Yeah, I promise. It rarely comes up anymore. I’m not even sure how that rumor got started recently,” Y/N sags into Seungcheol’s side. That was something that hadn’t gone back to normal yet. She was used to seeing Jeonghan all the time, maybe more than she saw her twin, but they didn’t really know how to be around each other lately. 

“Do you wish it would come up? The idea of you and him, I mean?” 

Y/N is surprised by the question, only because she remembers hearing about their fight. “Do you really want to know the answer to that question?” Seungcheol nods. Y/N bites her lip. “Sometimes. I wished it would have back then, but we were so lucky we didn’t ruin our friendship at 16. Not that it matters now, even if I did want it to come up.”

“He misses you too, don’t worry,” Seungcheol says easily. 

“Have you guys made up?” Y/N’s head pops up, relief in her eyes. 

“Yeah, I interrogated him this morning,” Seungcheol smiles and there’s a flash of something mischievous before it clears and he’s serious again. “I told him to come see you but he’s working up the courage. He wishes he could have shielded you from all of this.” Y/N frowns at Seungcheol’s explanation, but he doesn’t let her press him for anything. “And for the record, I’d be okay with it if you two did have something going on. I’d just like to know about it. Don’t keep secrets from me anymore.”

Seungcheol places her food back in her lap and with a tone of finality, he insists, “Eat. That place is expensive.”

Y/N does, feeling a little bit lighter. 

~ 

The next day, she decides that she’s not going to wait for Jeonghan to come see her. He’s been her best friend for over 20 years and this is getting fixed today. Seungcheol is out when she knocks on their apartment door. Jeonghan looks like he just woke up but his eyes widen when he sees her. “Surprise,” Y/N sings lamely, holding a bag from their favorite bakery. 

Nevertheless, Jeonghan smiles and lets her in. They sit together on the floor next to the coffee table. As kids, they didn’t care to sit at the table or even on the couch, and it was a habit they still had occasionally if only for nostalgia.

Jeonghan would normally inhale the cake that she’s just given him but he eats slowly today. Y/N picks at her own slice. “I’m sorry you got roped into all of this.” 

He looks at her for a long time and she’s beginning to worry that he’ll kick her out. But eventually he shakes his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong in my book, so there’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“Others would disagree with you,” Y/N says bitterly, putting her cake down on the coffee table and pulling her knees up to her chest. Laying her chin on her knees, she looks at him. She can’t imagine not fixing this with him, but it’s up to her to apologize and it’s up to him to decide if he still wants to be friends. “I don’t even know how that rumor started. It makes you look bad too, since you’ve been dating as well. So I’m still sorry.”

Jeonghan looks so stubborn now. She knows the look well. It’s the same one he gives when someone tells him to do something he doesn’t want to do, like doing chores or homework. “No. I don’t accept your apology because it’s not needed.”

Tears prick Y/N’s eyes. “Let me apologize,” she pleads. “You should be saying ‘I told you so’ anyway. You’ve been telling me for years to be more careful.”

“You’re misunderstanding, Y/N,” Jeonghan lets out in exasperation. “I never told you to be careful because of how it looked. I know your intentions were never bad. And I never imagined anyone would do anything so… cruel in response to it.” He looks back down to his cake, picking some of the frosting off with the fork. “I only told you to be careful because I didn’t like seeing you get let down over and over again. And I’m certain there’s no one who deserves you so it happens all the time.”

Y/N stares at him while he still picks the frosting off his cake. “Do you really feel that way? Not even you?” There’s a tinge of a joke, but she really wonders.

Jeonghan chuckles, some light returning to his eyes.  “Not even me, and I’m flawless.” This earns a laugh from Y/N but then things get quiet. “Of course, I feel that way. Whoever you do end up with one day will be really lucky.”

There are so many things Y/N wants to say, but finally, she lands on, “I feel the same about you. I’ve been telling you for years that you’re total husband material.” 

Jeonghan laughs again. “And who made me learn all that? You hold your best friend to high standards,” he teases. “Now, can we go back to normal? I missed you.”

Y/N grinned. “I missed you too, Hannie. But did you really think I was leaving here without things going back to normal? You’ll never be rid of me, I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.” Jeonghan shoves her by the shoulder and she loses balance, laying flat on the floor. 

“Don’t make me kick you out. Now, eat your cake or I will.”

~

Joshua walks into the hospital with a minute to spare. It’s his first day at his internship and he’s really looking forward to it. He goes to the front desk and finds out where he’s supposed to be - to which the answer is the 3rd floor. This is one of the regular units, specifically not the ER or the ICU. As soon as he steps out of the elevator, he bites back a groan. 

Somehow, he’d forgotten that Y/N would be here. And even if she was, he kind of assumed they’d never have to run into each other because they’re interns in different departments. But sure enough, Y/N is standing there with the charge nurse that Joshua was told to find. 

Both women turn to him as he approaches. “Joshua, right?” The charge nurse, Eunji, asks and when Joshua nods, she smiles. “Good! And both of you are on time too. Joshua, have you met Y/N before?”

Joshua looks at Y/N, who doesn’t so much as glance at him now. Evenly, she says, “Yes, we’ve shared some classes.” Her tone has none of the usual sparkle to it, and he’s not sure if it’s because she’s trying to be professional or if it’s because he’s here standing next to her. 

“Great! Well, unfortunately, I don’t have anything exciting for you guys,” Eunji looks apologetic. “We need to do inventory today, and the tech that would normally do it during this shift is out.” Eunji hands both of them clipboards and pens, before leading them to a supply closet. The bare overhead light is not very bright and most of the corners are still dark. “Sorry it’s so dingy in here… Anyway, it’s pretty straightforward. For each line item, do a count and write it down. Split it however you’d like and if you have any questions I’ll be around.”

With that Eunji closes the door behind her, leaving Y/N and Joshua alone. They haven’t seen each other since that Sunday in her bedroom, outside of a couple classes they shared. Joshua feels awkward when Y/N turns to one of the shelves and starts without another word. He doesn’t know why but the silence kills him for the next hour. He has to recount rolls of gauze and boxes of bandaids a few times before he thinks he got it right. 

He’s in the middle of his third count of boxes of alcohol swabs when he hears a grunt behind him. When he turns, he sees Y/N on her tiptoes, trying to reach the top shelf. Without thinking, he comes up behind her, grabbing the bin that she needs and handing it to her. She barely glances up at him when she mumbles a quick, ‘thanks’, before turning to the table in the corner to count the contents of the bin. 

Joshua doesn’t know why he’s staring. Doesn’t know why he thinks she looks cute in hot pink scrubs and a ponytail. Doesn’t know why he likes how concentrated she looks. It burns him up inside that he wants to talk to her when he couldn’t wait to be rid of her last semester. 

Impulsively, Joshua says, “Are you okay?”

She doesn’t look up from the bin. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

“It’s just, we haven’t talked since…” He trails off when he sees the tension building in her shoulders. 

She looks up at him with confusion all over her face. “Joshua, I don’t mean to sound like a smart ass, but what would there be to talk about? That tweet was pretty clear about where we stood.”

“So? You have nothing to say?” Joshua’s blood starts to boil.

“What is there to say? No one wants to hear it anyway,” Y/N says with a bit of bitterness.

“A lot of people want to hear an apology,” Joshua seethed. “You’ve fucked with a lot of people.”

“Yeah. I know how to read twitter comments, Joshua,” Y/N snapped, throwing things back into the bin haphazardly to turn to him fully. “Are you happy? I don’t even know what I did to you. Other guys, fine. I’m not great to date, I get it now. The comments made it crystal clear. But I did absolutely nothing to you.”

“Absolutely nothing? What about sleeping with your best friend while you were seeing me?” 

Y/N throws her hands over her face in exasperation. “When we were 16! Not once since then. I’m so sick of explaining this.”

Joshua freezes. “What? But I heard you guys talking about it.” He watches realization wash over her face. 

“Oh my god,” she groans into her hands again. “You’re telling me you spread a rumor like that because you eavesdropped on a snippet of a conversation that you had no context for?” Joshua’s silence must be answer enough because she barrels on. “We did what stupid teenagers do and wanted to lose our virginities to someone we trusted. And if you had waited five fucking seconds, you would have heard him say that he was happy things were going well with us.” She laughs, but it’s not right because it sounds a little watery. “I really liked you, Joshua. I don’t know what I did to deserve all this. And I don’t give a fuck about the mean girls on the cheer team or in the sorority, or the gross guys on the basketball team, or anyone else on campus for that matter. But you almost wrecked the two relationships that I’ve had for my entire life.”

“You deserve it because I’ve met girls like you,” Joshua bit. “You just have to smile and you get handed whatever you want. You play with people like toys until you get bored.”

“Well, I didn’t get what I wanted, now did I?” Now she’s crying but she looks furious. “You saw to that, did you? All I wanted was for it to finally feel right with someone, and when it did it was all a trick.”

Joshua scoffs. “Like it’ll take you long to move on.”

Y/N’s chin wobbles in the dim lighting and there’s a pang in Joshua’s chest at the sight. “Oh no. I’ll be swearing off dating from now on. No one will have anymore reasons to fuel their stupid pranks or trap dates or twitter accounts.” Joshua freezes again and Y/N is on a roll now. “You didn’t think I would figure out who was behind all of that? It’s a little too convenient that you’ve been hanging out with just about everyone mentioned in that stupid tweet. Do you guys feel like you’ve gotten your revenge now? I considered dropping out over all of this. Would that have made you guys happy to never see me again?”

Joshua stumbles over his words. He didn’t expect her to piece everything together, and he really didn’t expect that she considered not coming back to finish her degree. She was a good student and seemed so invested in her future. But it doesn’t matter what he has to say because she’s shoving the clipboard into his chest hard as she passes by him. “You finish the rest. I can’t fucking reach it anyway.” 

The door slams behind her and he looks around the supply closet for help understanding what just happened. He feels guilty now in a way he hadn’t throughout this whole experiment. He’d felt that he had no choice but to transfer after the embarrassment that was the end of his relationship with Lily, and now he’d just made someone feel the same way. But she was brave enough to come back while he ran across the world with his tail between his legs.

When he finally snaps back to attention, it takes him way more than three counts to get each line item right. 

~

Two months have passed and things are looking up for Y/N. She, Seungcheol, and Jeonghan are glued to each other again just like it’s meant to be. What few classes she has to take are going well. And she’s getting used to the way things are with other people around campus. Once she got over the initial shock and subsequent depression at the whole situation, she decided not to acknowledge it anymore. She didn’t entertain the conversation with her sorority sisters or teammates when they asked if she was seeing someone. She was getting really good at shutting out anyone that asked her out, which seemed to be just as frequent as it was before. She used to enjoy the attention, but now she just saw a bunch of red flags. 

Her escape had become her internship. After the first day, Joshua was working in another unit so she didn’t have to see him. As promised when she was offered the internship, she would be shadowing in the ER. It was mostly triaging or assisting the non-critical cases, and she didn't even get to do the fun stuff. Mostly, she would call patients back and gather their history under the supervision of an RN. Then she might escort them to a room when one became available. The exciting days were when she could assist with treatments, but it was mostly handing the doctor or nurse things and holding the patient’s hand while she talked their ear off to distract them. 

Today was a triage shift and it was almost over when the nurse from the front desk gave her a new clip board and walked away. Y/N sees the name on the sheet and smacks her forehead with the clipboard hard. Then, resigned, she goes to the lobby. 

“Lee Seokmin.” 

He hobbles into the triage station with another guy holding him up on one side. She can tell he’s surprised to see her, but she doesn’t react to it. “Have a seat,” she said, pointing. She also drags over two more chairs so he can prop up his foot and his friend can sit down. “I’m Y/N and this is Yunseo.” Yunseo waved from the other side of the computer. “Yunseo is the RN for triage today, but since I’m an intern, she’s letting me take some of your medical history. Injured foot, huh?” She says neutrally. 

“Ankle I think… Y/N, this is my friend Junhui.”

Y/N gives Junhui a polite smile, but she can tell by his reaction to her name that he knows quite a bit about what’s been going on last semester. “What happened?” She asks Seokmin. 

“We were rehearsing and I tripped,” Seokmin sighs. 

“Can I take a look? I have to make sure it isn’t critical. If it is, I need to hand it off Yunseo right now.” Seokmin doesn’t hesitate to roll up the leg of his jeans. His ankle is swollen and starting to develop a nasty bruise. Y/N hums sympathetically, and Yunseo nods encouragingly to her to continue. This is how Y/N knows she’s right to assume it’s not critical. “I’m sorry, that’s rough.” She backs away from Seokmin. “Well, unfortunately there’s not much to do until a doctor can see you besides icing your ankle and taking information for your records.” When Seokmin nods, Y/N zips out of the room.

She wants to linger at the ice machine for a breather, but today’s charge nurse is in the break room taking lunch. So, Y/N works quickly to get the bag of ice and returns to Seokmin and Junhui. Once the ice is on Seokmin’s ankle, Y/N plops down in front of the computer. It’s both a blessing and a curse that these questionnaires are so long. On one hand, there’s not a lot of time for them to talk about anything else when she’s peppering him with questions one after another. On the other hand, it feels like it takes an eternity to get through it. She tries to focus on the fact that this is good experience with Yunseo over her shoulder pointing out certain things.

Y/N feels like she’s so close to freedom after she’s rolled Seokmin in a wheelchair to an exam room while Yunseo calls the next patient to get started. “Someone will be in to see you shortly, but call if you need anything,” she says professionally. Her hand is on the knob to pull it closed behind her when Seokmin speaks up. 

“Y/N? I’m sorry.” 

She pauses and she can’t help but frown at him. He does look sorry actually, guilt all over his face. Junhui must sense where this is going, so he asks where the vending machine is and excuses himself. Y/N is still standing in the doorway, arms crossed now. “Sorry for what?”

“For the experiment. The pranks. Joshua. The twitter account.”

Y/N blinks at him because she’s not sure what else to do. “Experiment?”

“It all started as a psych experiment - conformity on social media. But it got out of control… and that sounds really stupid when I say it out loud.” Seokmin rubs the back of his neck. 

“Yeah, it does,” Y/N murmured. She looks around the pristine exam room because she can’t really look at him. She’d just started to feel better from all of this, but now she’s learning of a whole other layer to it. Her misery lately is a result of a class assignment made of questionable ethics. She’d really like to forget about all of it. “I guess I owe you an apology too. I didn’t mean anything by cutting things off, and I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that I wanted more.”

“You didn’t,” Seokmin insists and she looks at him in confusion. “I thought maybe you led me on. I was upset at how things had gone with us. That’s the whole reason I agreed to any of this in the first place. But the longer I think about it, you were pretty honest about how you felt. You shouldn’t have to apologize because I got my hopes up.”

“You’re not the only one though. That twitter account kind of makes it seem like it’s a habit of mine.”

“Yeah… that got really out of control. I’m sorry you had to see any of it. But if it makes you feel any better, it was hacked and deleted.” 

Y/N found herself laughing. “Hacked? Who did that?”

Seokmin looks amused. “Let’s just say you have a very talented friend looking out for you. He shut down that dating app because of you too.” Y/N’s eyes widen. 

“Man, you guys were serious about this revenge.” 

She watches Seokmin relax because she’s laughing again and he finally laughs too. “Yeah, like I said. Out of control. I’ve been trying to convince them to apologize. I think Mingyu, Jihoon, and Seungkwan will come around… I’m not sure about Joshua.”

“Seungkwan? Boo Seungkwan?”

Seokmin nods. “He ran the twitter account.”

“Ah,” Y/N sighs. “Well, you might be right about Joshua. He’s interning here too, and that’s going about as well as you would expect.”

“Total avoidance, huh?” When Y/N raises an eyebrow, he shakes his head. “We haven’t seen or heard much from him either.”

Junhui’s hovering outside of the door with a pack of cookies and a loud crunch gives him away. It makes Y/N laugh. “You can come back in. I’m leaving for real this time.” 

A couple hours later, she waves to Seokmin and Junhui as she leaves. It’s kind of a relief to know that someone involved feels a little bad, but she thinks he’s probably wrong. She won’t be getting an apology from any of the others. 

~

“You want me to do what?” Wonwoo asks. He thinks he’s heard the request wrong and he’s confused. 

“Bring the twitter account back,” Seungkwan requests again. 

Wonwoo sighs and nods. “Ah, that’s what I thought you said. Two questions, are you stupid and do you know what the word ‘deleted’ means?”

Seungkwan is totally unfazed by the insult. “It’s for another project. You can’t restore it?”

Wonwoo can’t help but glance around the table. The whole crew is back together and he was kind of hoping that would never happen again. It had been a disaster last semester. He finally pins Mingyu with a look. “I told you that you guys would not get a technical method to do this again.” 

“It’s not what you think. We probably should have led with that,” Mingyu puts his hands up in defense. 

“Then what is it? I deleted it for a reason. Nothing on there should have seen the light of day, especially near the end,” Wonwoo says impatiently. He wants nothing more than to be rid of these little requests because he doesn’t trust any of them as far as he can throw them. 

“We need the reach to issue an apology,” Jihoon says simply. “We can’t do that with a brand new account.”

“An apology?” Wonwoo’s laugh gets caught in his throat because he never thought he’d hear something like this considering how evil they were last semester. “This should be good. Tell me more.”

“We’ve been talking,” Seokmin started. “We got carried away and we’d like to reel this back in if we can.”

“There’s not a lot of reeling back in you can do,” Wonwoo scoffs. “The damage is done. Now you guys get to feel guilty about it.”

“Yeah, that’s why we’d like to issue an apology,” Mingyu says. “So can you restore it or not?”

“No! The warning message says ‘permanently deleted’ for a reason.” Wonwoo lies through his teeth. He’s not going to tell him he didn’t hit delete. Instead, he’d changed the email attached to the account and hit ‘deactivate’. “Besides, an in-person apology will probably go much farther. If you’re apologizing to the person I think you’re apologizing to, she doesn’t even have a twitter account anymore to see it.” 

“I don’t think she’d want to see us,” Jihoon huffed. “Which is fair, I guess.”

Seokmin shrugs. “I don’t know, she wasn’t mean to me or anything when I was in the ER last week.”

Joshua has been silent the whole time. Wonwoo’s not sure why he’s even here because he might have been the cruelest of them all and hadn’t seemed to regret any of it. Wonwoo stares him down. “Are you part of this apology too?” He watches Joshua hesitate for a moment, then nod. 

Wonwoo purses his lips. “I can’t promise anything. They might really mean ‘permanently deleted’ when they say it.” He lies through his teeth again. He needs some time to think about it before he hands the account back to any of them. He glares at Seungkwan. “But I’ll be doing some major clean up if I can actually restore it.”

Seungkwan nods eagerly. “I would have done it anyway, but have at it. You’ll probably be faster at it anyway.”

“Great. But how do we make sure she sees it?” Mingyu asks. 

Something catches Joshua’s eye and suddenly he’s jumping out of his seat. 

~

If Joshua had to describe Seungcheol and Jeonghan in one word, he would say overprotective. He got that vibe at the dinner and movie triple date he met them at. He’s definitely getting that vibe now. In fact, he thinks they might leap over the table at any of them. Maybe Joshua first though with the dirty looks he’s getting.

Joshua has to talk fast to get them to agree to even sit down with the group at the table. Jeonghan even sets a timer for five minutes passive aggressively. 

They explain everything, starting from the psych experiment, to the dating app, the pranks,, the twitter account, and Joshua. Seungcheol and Jeonghan look totally unimpressed. Joshua gets that because it all sounds so fucking stupid now that they have to explain it.

“And you think an apology will fix this?” Seungcheol asks coldly. 

“We’d like to try,” Mingyu says weakly. He’s been feeling Seungcheol’s wrath for two months now. He doesn’t want to run anymore laps or do anymore pushups. 

“It better be a damn good one then. You know she almost didn’t come back to school?” Seungcheol snapped. 

“Yeah, we heard that,” Jihoon said, glancing at Joshua. “Look, we would approach her if we thought she would hear us out. But we’ve made a mess of this to everyone else that followed that stupid account and we need to correct this with them too.”

“I thought it got deleted?” Jeonghan asks, eyes narrowed. 

“That’s why he’s here,” Mingyu says, pointing to Wonwoo. Wonwoo waves him off with a simple ‘don’t talk to me’. “He’s going to try to recover the account. The problem is that we’d also like her to see it.”

Jeonghan scoffs, a bitter smile on his face. “Yeah, good luck getting her back on there.” 

“That’s what we’d like your help with actually,” Joshua started. 

Seungcheol and Jeonghan share a look. The timer goes off on Jeonghan’s phone, but they stay anyway. 

~

It’s Saturday morning and Y/N is busy hosting a sorority house meeting. The president and vice president have been away at a conference and won’t make it back in time to run the meeting themselves, and as the treasurer the duty falls to her. Her phone has been buzzing in her pocket the whole time and she keeps ignoring it. She’s thinking it’s Jeonghan blowing up her phone because he’s bored, something he likes to do when she’s inconveniently busy. She has no problem making him wait for a bit. 

But it’s becoming apparent that something exciting is happening what with the way all of her sorority sisters will not focus on anything she’s saying. It’s starting to get frustrating and when Y/N can’t take it anymore, she bangs the gavel as a call to order. “Okay, what’s going on? I’m trying to run a meeting here.”

A young sophomore named Ara hesitantly stood up, but she was smiling when she handed over her phone. “You might want to read this, Y/N.”

Y/N didn’t have to skim long before she mumbled, “Meeting adjourned. Have a good day, ladies.”

~

Did you miss us? Yes - us. 

I started this account a little over two years ago and have always enjoyed interacting with all of you. But if you’ve been a follower for a while, you may have noticed a shift in the tone of this account. You won’t find any evidence of that here now, but… if you know, you know.

That’s because this became a team project last semester. I’ll be honest. It was a revenge plot and as we look back on this plot of ours, we’re embarrassed. We all got carried away, some because of hurt feelings and some because of a desire to run a successful account with a thirst for drama.

So, here it goes. We built a dating app, the one that was posted on here a while back. It was used to make a match with someone that had the same kind of vendetta some of us had against Choi Y/N. 

While we waited for this app to be ready, we began pranking Y/N. At first, we thought it was harmless, but things escalated quickly. (Y/N, we still owe you a new laptop.)

When the dating app was ready, Joshua joined us with the goal of giving Y/N what we perceived to be a taste of her own medicine. We were cruel. Particularly near the end of the semester with our little exposé. 

We owe Choi Y/N an apology. A big one that we’ll probably never convince her that we mean honestly. For the pranks. For Joshua. For the way this account was used. For nearly ruining over 20 years of friendship between her and Yoon Jeonghan on a baseless rumor, and damaging the relationship between her and her twin brother, Choi Seungcheol. 

Y/N, if you’re reading this (and we hope you are), we’d like to start making this up to you. Reach out if you’re interested. 

Seungkwan, Mingyu, Jihoon, Seokmin, and Joshua

~Epilogue

Joshua sips his drink and looks across the table at Kim Mingyu and his date, Harin. The woman is nice but seems shy, or maybe even a bit nervous to meet any of Mingyu’s friends. Mingyu works with her at the architecture firm where they’re both junior partners on the same team. Mingyu’s told Joshua that he really likes her and Joshua can clearly see it. He’s got total heart eyes for her and everything she says or does. But the thing is, it’s their third date.

The number three is cursed in their friend group now. Three drinks is not the right number when they go out because something bad always happens - nothing tragic or anything, just a rough night of cleaning up vomit or carrying your friends home. That doesn’t happen with two or four drinks. 

If no more or no less than three of them can hang out, they don’t. Not in person, because they always seemed to find themselves in trouble - again, nothing tragic, just inconvenient things like Mingyu's car breaking down. And not even through things like FaceTime. One time, when Seokmin was traveling and wanted to chat, the power went out on the entire block leaving Jihoon and Wonwoo in the dark. Wonwoo laughed and said it must be the curse, until he realized he was being included in the curse now.

Joshua didn’t believe them at first when they kept saying they were cursed, but the kicker was how date number three was always the worst. It had become a big point of anxiety for all of them to get over that particular date if they wanted it to work out. This wasn’t just the core three that started that mess way back when. Seungkwan, Wonwoo, and Joshua had all had some bad luck too. 

So when Mingyu asked for some company on this third date that he really wanted to go well, Joshua had shrugged and said, “Find me a date.”

This has happened so many times that Joshua is not nervous for this mystery woman to show up. Besides, he’s too busy on his second drink. Clinicals have been kicking his ass and he’s stared at the ceiling every night this week wondering why he thought med school was a good idea. But he’s more than half way done, so after a little pep talk he decides to stick it out every time. 

“So where’s your date, Joshua?” Harin asks politely, trying to make conversation. 

Joshua shrugs with a laugh. “Ask Mingyu, he’s set this up.”

Mingyu is on his phone, texting someone. “She’s running late and has to come straight from work. She apologizes but we can order with out her.”

Joshua waves it off because he’s in no rush. “What did you say her name was again?”

Mingyu hadn’t said, actually, and he has a bit of a sly expression on his face when he glances up from his phone briefly. “You’ll meet her any minute. I think you’ll like her.”

“Do you set up your friends often?” Harin teases, but looks kind of confused when Mingyu and Joshua both laugh.

“Something like that. Oh, here she is!” Mingyu gestures to the restaurant entrance and Joshua turns. The woman is pretty, dressed nicely in slacks and a floral blouse. Joshua likes her already. 

He turns back to Mingyu instantaneously in amusement. “You have to stop doing this.” 

“Doing what?” Mingyu asks innocently. “Setting you up with a pretty friend of mine?”

“She’s going to yell at you again,” Joshua warns, still very amused. 

A purse slams into the seat next to Joshua. The woman scoffs, falling into it. “Kim Mingyu, I told you to stop trying to set us up.”

“Oh, come on! It would be perfect, Y/N!” Mingyu cries. 

Y/N looks irritated but Joshua can tell it’s mostly for show. They’re so close now that he knows when she’s just messing with Mingyu and the others like this. She responds this way every time they try to set Y/N and Joshua up. 

“Just say you hate me,” Joshua teases, wide grin on his face. 

Y/N’s having a hard time hiding her smile now. “I hate you, Joshua Hong.”

“Uh,” poor Harin starts, confused. “You two know each other then? I thought this was supposed to be a blind date or something.”

“Something indeed,” Y/N answers easily. “We’ve known each other for years. We’re in med school together and we’re also roommates.” Harin’s eyes flare and she gives a small confused, ‘oh’. Y/N waves it away, “It’s Mingyu being Mingyu. He likes to meddle in the love lives of others.”

Joshua laughs at the jab and how Mingyu rolls his eyes. It’s an old inside joke now, one that Harin doesn’t quite get, but they’ll leave it that way. 

During dinner, Mingyu and Harin ask about Y/N’s clinicals. They already know about Joshua’s because Y/N ran quite late today. Joshua’s not really listening because he already knows everything - the consequences of being best friends and roommates. They order anything except for three drinks and Harin is confused by their insistence. 

After their apology on that damned twitter account, it took almost two weeks before Y/N came around. The group was starting to think they were shit out of luck, but they had just decided to wipe their hands of it because they’d done everything they could do, just short of a face to face apology. They were sure she didn’t want to be approached and anything they could say would sound so lame anyway.

But the group had actually become pretty good friends over the course of their plotting, so they kept hanging out afterwards. They were all at lunch together one day when they hear a small cough behind them. Y/N looks nervous. “Do you mind if I join in?”

They really didn’t know what to expect when Wonwoo scooted over to share the bench with her. But it certainly wasn’t an, ‘I accept your apology.’

None of them really felt like they deserved it, but they started going out of their way to be friendly with Y/N. Inviting her to lunch with them, studying with her, walking with her to class. Seungkwan even let her hit the ‘delete’ button on the twitter account when Wonwoo handed it back over. 

And Joshua had made a lot of effort to go see her on the first floor of the hospital while they had their internship, even going as far as to take their breaks or walk back to campus together. And when they’d both gotten into the same med school and were looking for housing, they both kind of shrugged and picked a two bedroom apartment near the hospital. It had proved to be a good move if only because your roommate understood your weird schedules. Med school wasn’t for the weak and they’d found that out pretty quickly together.

So Y/N and Joshua had fallen into an easy routine. Go to class together, go to clinical rotations together when possible, and eat together almost every night. If they couldn’t eat together, one would make something and put it in the fridge for the other. They’d become each other’s biggest support system and every now and then he had to laugh at how they started because they meshed so well now. When they were doing each other’s laundry or bickering about ordering from the same sushi place again, he wondered why he wanted to hate her so much back then.

Because he certainly didn’t hate her. Probably never did. He actually loved her, usually in a platonic way. But every now and then there were reminders of what it was like back then. She was still pretty and funny and smart and charming after all and had the same effect she always did on men, including Joshua occasionally.

But she didn’t like dating. She flat out refused anyone that asked her out and only showed up to dinners like this because a friend like Mingyu asked her to. Joshua hadn’t seen her with anyone in nearly four years beyond these little blind dates. Some were with friends of friends, like Vernon and Soonyoung, Jihoon’s friends from college. But most of them were with Joshua when they could trick the two of them into showing up at the same place unknowingly. 

Their friends had gotten it in their head that Y/N and Joshua would be great together. And here’s the thing, Joshua didn’t hate the idea. But he knew Y/N did so he continually scolded them for how pushy they were. She always said she was too busy to date now, but he knew their little stunt years ago had left a mark. Y/N and Joshua had kind of hoped they’d forgotten about their little matchmaking venture because it had been a few months since a set up like this, but Joshua guesses they were wrong. 

Y/N and Joshua say goodbye to Mingyu and Harin and begin to walk home together. He’s pretty sure they look like a couple coming home from a first date. God only knows they get comments all the time about it, but they’ve stopped correcting people when they say something about it. Joshua still feels a bit of a rush when it happens anyway and it’s taken years for him to figure out why. 

Joshua thinks about what that would be like. In a lot of ways, nothing would change. She’s still warm to him, but sometimes he misses her touch. Sometimes when she’s had a hard day or is struggling with something, he’ll wrap his arms around her and he remembers being like this years ago, no matter how brief it was. He remembers them walking together just like this and her shyly reaching for his hand. Sometimes his fingers twitch with the desire to reach out.

But her hands stay wrapped around her stomach in the chill of the night so he doesn’t. He knows she wouldn’t want that. Which is just as well. He knows she’s a friend for life, one that he doesn’t really deserve. 

hi friends!

i haven’t used this blog in about two years, but i wanna revive it cause why not help all of us going through our horny feels for our kings 🥴

i’ve been dying to write a stripper reader! smut either based around chan or seungcheol (i’ve been watching a lotttt of p-valley lately)

send me some asks to help me get inspired! 👀

-kenny

All 1e members, sorry it's my first time asking for a reaction and I didn't specify TT TT

no worries anon! this is also my first full group reaction! i’m so nervous, but hopefully i do it justice! 🤍

just to clarify, anon asked for a reaction to a nipple piercing! this’ll be for female reader! i also focused on their reactions to your breasts as well cause, the nips are just one part - gotta love the whole thing ya know? 😌 let’s get into it (yuh) friends! 👀

seungcheol: oh god, i feel like he would form heart eyes when reveal your new piercing. he would ask you when you got it done, and when you give him a date - he hummed back and then started burying his face in your tits, slowly licking at the metal and your nipples. be prepared for him to focus mainly on your titties when he pins you down (you might not even make to the bed). definitely expect him to bite your breasts and even leave a few hickeys. would also love it if you admired his love bites the following day in the mirror!

jeonghan: with jeonghan, once he saw it - he wouldn’t let you live. he would immediately would have his way with you. he would embrace you from behind and start groping on your breasts, causing you to moan out. he would tease you for hiding something so sexy from him. definitely one to use his mouth all over your breasts. he’s gonna wreck you so nicely, you’ll think about maybe getting another piercing. you’ll also beg him to have you make love to your breasts again.

joshua: i feel like shua would be so turned on, but in his own gentlemanly ways. like the minute he sees it, he’s touching your boobs so softly and asking you if you like the way that feels. after continuing for a few minutes (and also your begging to have him use his mouth), he would also be one to use his mouth but in a slowly, sexy way that makes you crave him and has you trying to touch yourself for release.

junhui: jun would find it very attractive and sexy if you used your new nipple piercing as a way to tease him (instead of him teasing you, like others). for example, if you purposely wear an outfit that shows off that piercing, angle your body the right way so when they perk up, the piercing does also, or just straight up mess with him and put it in his face and deny his hands the privilege to touch your breasts - he would go crazy. unfortunately, you won’t hold this control over him for long, cause eventually he’ll regain it and you’ll be in for a wild night. i also feel like he would be one to bite and such, some of the bites may leave hickeys 👀

soonyoung: as someone who is into jewelry and piercings (see his what’s in my bag for vogue korea!), i think he would absolutely adore a nipple piercing on you. on chiller, relaxing nights - i can see him absentmindedly playing with it and you go along with it cause who doesn’t love someone playing with their boobs? on nights when he’s fucking you though, it’s a complete 180 though - especially if he’s hyper focused on your boobs and chest. he would do any and everything with your piercing - licking, sucking, kissing, maybe even a bit of temp play? like putting ice or wax on your piercing and watching your wiggle and react to the differences. god, you can tell he was my first bias (i’m literally writing so much for him) and now he’s trying to reclaim his spot - wonwoo, honey start defending yourself.

wonwoo: ahhh my nerdy baby love, i feel like he sometimes would forget that you even have a nipple piercing tbh 😭 but when he sees it? he’s automatically thinking of what he can do to pleasure your boobs. i feel like most of the time, he would be chill like hoshi, and just play with your piercing - but if he was really in the mood, he’d probably ask to titty fuck you. i even feel like mutual masturbation can be a scenario with him - him telling you to touch your breasts and piercing while he slowly palms himself over his pants (why do i do this to myself now i’m going through it 😭😭).

woozi: i think jihoon (like junhui) would also find it attractive if you had a nipple piercing. although it’s something he personally wouldn’t do, seeing you do it is more than enough for him. if he’s working on something, definitely expect him to softly grope your breasts ever so often and then expect to have a full on make out session immediately afterwards. i don’t think he’s one to bite, but he is definitely one where his touch feels otherworldly. like have you seen his fingers?! the second his hands are on your tits, you both can’t get enough and it get so sexy within minutes.

seokmin: omg i feel like seokmin would get so cutely flustered at seeing boobs, so imagine how down bad he would be if you got a piercing?! plssss, i feel like he’d be the one to ask if it was okay to suck on your boobs while casually laying in bed or something - alternating between sucking the silver and your skin.. hearing your moans and whines of his name would get him so hard, next thing you know - he’s touching himself and getting off to the sound of your voice.

mingyu: another one of teasing ones 😈 if you showed your piercing to him on accident and tried to cover yourself up, he’d cleverly trick you into showing your goods and from there - would. not. stop. feeling. you. up. like he has to touch your piercing, has to touch your breasts, and eventually go and touch down there cause he wants to feel how wet you are. maybe will even tell you how and when to touch your breasts and have you put on an entire show for him. also feel like he would be one that would love to see your tits and piercing bounce for him as you ride him. he would probably lose all his self control and take you down right then and there.

minghao: i’m definitely not the only acc that’s said this, but it’s the truth - hao views sex and its components as an art form. so a nipple piercing to him is another beautiful addition to the canvas that is your body. he would also be a chill one and sometimes play with your piercing, but i feel like he would also be into body worship if you got one? just constantly caressing your breasts and telling you how beautiful you looked, and if he’s really in the mood - he may even suck your tits (i don’t really see him as one to suck on ‘em). now if he was feeling adventurous, he’d definitely be one to use his cum and smear it all over your piercing and your breasts. may even take pictures of you that way because to him, you are his art.

seungkwan: mister boo would be a bit shocked if you got a nipple piercing, wondering if it hurt and how you’d deal with the whole procedure, but after his inquiry, i think his whole demeanor would shift. like pushing you up against a wall, holding your waist, slotting your leg in between his, “you look so sexy with that new piercing,” type of demeanor. would loveeeee to hear your moans of his name as he makes love to your breasts. i can see him as one who would love sucking and licking at your piercing and breasts.

vernon: there are so many members that i like would be chill about a nipple piercing, and vernon is like the king of them lol. he literally plays with your piercing like it’s nothing. on the occasion that he forgets you have one and rediscovers it, i can definitely see him being one to lick and bite down on the silver. like mingyu, will also get super turned on if he saw your tits bounced with the piercing on as you ride him. also one to grope and hold on to your breasts and loves hearing your reaction.

chan: okay try not to make this overly long cause that wouldn’t be fair (chan’s really fighting for my #1 spot huh) anywayssss, i feel like a nipple piercing with chan could go two ways. one way is that if he discovers it, he’s really soft and all he wants to do is just lay on your chest and suck on your tits while you both are watching netflix or something. on the other hand, let him discover your new piercing and you will be in for it. i’m talking dirty talk, biting your nips, and will also be one to titty fuck you if you were down for it.

hi, can i request a shot with # 85 and 69 with joshua please

dirtysvthoughts hits 100 celebration!

a/n: two in one night! i’m trying to answer everyone’s asks as soon as i can! 🥲 anon, this was such a good combo - i hope you like it! <3 i got a little carried away, so i’m inserting a read more cut under the tags!

tags/warnings: female! reader, FINGERING, backstage quickies, shua’s not an idol, but he’s the main vocalist/guitarist in a local band, established relationship, very slight dirty talking

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

69. “i’ve never done this before.”

85. “i didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

[11:00 p.m.]

“goodnight, everyone!” you hear your boyfriend scream out, met with supportive roars from the audience. he runs backstage and embraces you the second he sees you, sweeping you off your feet momentarily. when he puts you down, you two share a sweet kiss.

“you were amazing, babe!” you exclaim. joshua, your boyfriend, is the main vocalist and guitarist of a band in your city. they’ve taken off within the past year and they’ve been selling out gigs left and right. tonight, they just finished the last concert of a six show series. you can feel his adrenaline as he smiles at you, caressing your cheek -trying to slow his breathing.

“i couldn’t have done this without you, y’know. thanks for supporting me these past few weeks.” you can hear the sincerity in his voice.

“no problem, honey. that’s what i’m here for,” you say as you bring him into a kiss, angling his neck so you can go deeper. he moans into your mouth, gripping at your waist.

you two continue to make out, ignoring the “get a room” comments from his band mates and tech staff as they pass you, joshua’s hands now moving from your waist to groping your breasts, sitting so pretty in the crop top you wear wearing.

he pulls away from you for a second, and you already miss his touch.

“do you wanna move someplace more private?” he whispers into your ear.

“yeah, not being interrupted would be nice,” you say as you hold onto his broad shoulders.

what you didn’t realize was that your idea of “a private place” was completely different from his. you assumed he was gonna take you back to his place, or at the very least his car.

you just ended up in a secluded area backstage.

“josh, i-i’ve never done this before.. backstage sex? what if someone catches us?” you slightly panic as he takes off your crop top, leaving you in your black bra and denim jeans. he then starts to unbutton and unzip your jeans, fingering teasing your clit from the outside by rubbing your panties.

“i doubt anyone will find us here, besides - they all saw us earlier. they’ll think twice before they look for us,” he smirks as he goes inside your panties, and you moan out at the feeling of two of his fingers pleasuring you.

“mmm, i didn’t know you were so sensitive.. are you like this after all the shows?”

“i think this is just for tonight.. it’s your last show for a minute, and i get you all to myself. i guess that would make me a bit horny,” you bite your lip as you make eye contact with him.

“nice to know,” he smiles as he inserts another finger inside of you, and you grip onto his arms, your moans growing louder and more consistent.

“josh, j-josh - i-i think i’m getting close,” you whimper, your body letting you know that your orgasm was not that far off.

“already? we just got started baby!” he laughs, clearly enjoying how far gone you were for him. “i guess this means we’ll have even more fun back at my place - getting you to cum over and over until my bedsheets are filled with your juices.. would you like that, honey? me making you cum so much all night?”

his words send you over the edge and you cum all over his fingers, gasping for air after experiencing such a high.

“damn josh.. you really know how to pleasure a girl,” you laugh breathlessly, rubbing his chest and feeling his muscles.

he smirks at you, more than satisfied with how he’s left you. “you wanna skip dinner with the band? we can just pick up something and get to what we have planned.”

“say less,” you say without hesitation.

and true to his word, later that night, he did fill his bedsheets with your juices.

-kenny

Hello! For the drabble event may I request 34, 68, 92 & 126 with Joshua? Thank you!

dirtysvthoughts hits 100 followers!

a/n: i’m almost through the 100 celebration requests! i think i have about 3 or 4 more! thanks for your patience friends! 🤍

tags/warnings: boyfriend!shua, female!reader, date night/anniversary vibes, lingerie, dirty talk, probably my favorite work i’ve written for shua so far <3

┆彡

34. “each of my thoughts about you are improper.”

68. “don’t tempt me.”

92. “you’re in trouble now.”

126. “y-you’re not… w-wearing anything under that are you?”

┆彡

you open the door to your apartment, joshua right behind you as he helps you in. both of you laugh as you talk about what happened during your anniversary date, smiling to yourself at how much you adored your boyfriend of two years.

“i had a really great time tonight, josh,” you say as he takes your jacket off for you, tossing it on the couch. “i love you so much baby,” you give him a small kiss, hands running through his hair when you pull away.

you don’t get far before he pulls you back in, kissing you with more fever and intensity. your hands roam each other’s bodies as you continue to make out.

“mmm, josh, don’t tempt me, you know i can’t stay up late tonight,” you moan in between kisses. too caught up in your own pleasure, you don’t even realize that his hands are working your dress down your body, revealing another surprise that you tried to save for later.

joshua sharply inhales at the lacy black lingerie you had on, with a matching garter. the lingerie curved your body perfectly and hugged all the right places. you looked good in anything you wore, but this? he wanted to devour you.

“oh, you’re in trouble now,” he says with a smirk, his hands groping your breasts, biting your lip at how hot you were getting. you guide his hands lower and lower until it reaches the waistband of your panties.

“do me, baby, p-please,” you moan into his touch as he rubs you through your panties.

deciding that the bedroom was too far for the both of your needy souls, you took to the couch, straddling his lap, as you take off his shirt buttons, and he works you out of your panties. “y-you’re not w-wearing anything under that are you? p-please tell me you’re not..” you breathe a sigh of relief when his nude chest is exposed, your lips immediately attaching to his skin.

“god, you’re so fucking hot, josh,” you moan and caress your body further into his touch, his hands making their way to your ass, feeling you up.

you begin to undo his belt and his pants button as he groans out. “each of my thoughts about you is improper.. seeing you in that dress tonight? i wanted to take you down in the restaurant bathroom so bad,” he says as you take off his pants and boxers, dragging them down enough to reveal his dick.

you both moan out together when you finally are inside each other, riding him out as he grips your hips. “mmm, but what about you baby? you in that suit? forget the bathroom, i would’ve gladly sucked you off under the table..” you kiss his cheek as he smirks, clearly affected by your words as his dick twitched.

you continue to ride him as he thrusts into you, your face clearly showing your pleasure as you moan out for your lover. “mmm, josh, ahhh josh, you feel so good baby..”

you feel yourself get to climax after a few more minutes, feeling it in your core as you hold onto his shoulders. “b-baby, ‘m gonna cum, g-gonna cum,” your moans getting higher in pitch.

“you’ve been so good for me baby, why don’t you go ahead? cream me and cum all over me,” he smirks as you thrusts into a few more times before you release all over, mouthing curving into a ‘o’ and a silent scream.

you lay on his chest, regaining control of your breath after the amazing high. “josh,” you say as you trace his collarbone line, eyes meeting his when he hums to look at you, hands playing with your hair.

“thanks for the wonderful night baby, truly. i’m so happy i get to call you mine,” you smile at him as you kiss him.

“i’m even more happy that i get to call you mine. happy anniversary baby.”

𝓟 𝓡 𝓘 𝓥 𝓐 𝓣 𝓔 𝓓 𝓐 𝓝 𝓒 𝓔 𝓡 - CHAPTER THREE

pairing: prospective club owner! joshua x stripper! reader

word count: 2.2k

general tags/warnings: smut, pwp, worldbuilding before the dirty stuff (be patient 😉), female! reader, mildly cocky! shua, dom! shua, power play/brat! reader, full nudity for reader, use of pet names (love, baby, sweetheart), shua tries to get reader to fall for him but to no avail (or yes avail?)

playlist songs: special affair - the internet, give me head - sweet the kid, na na - trey songz

notes: chapter 3 baybeeeee! sorry this took so long, but it’s finally here! i’m gonna start working on chapter 4 and that should be done vv soon! hope you enjoy besties!

taglist: @im-gemmy @enhacolor @hooniewnderland @svtup @kawaiikels @weeevrse @diorsfxck @kyexvly @woozarts @ifuckcheol @marsstarxhwa @haoxiaoba

“and i’m telling you, i don’t need any help, take your service elsewhere,” your boss, mia, says over the phone, curtly hanging it up afterwards. “fucking nuisance,” she mumbles under her breath as you enter her office.

“somethin’ happen?” you say as you shut the door behind you, away from prying eyes and listening ears.

“shouldn’t you be getting ready, sage?” mia says not even looking in your direction, fiddling with whatever paperwork is in front of her.

you roll your eyes, “it’s 5 PM, i only came here early to practice my new routine. plus, i needed to ask you something, but then i overheard you. you know i’m one of the few people you actually trust here. so seriously, what was that all about?”

she stops messing with the papers and finally directs her eyes towards you, breathing a heavy sigh. “okay, so you know the club has a few more debt payments before i can solely own this place right? well, this man i was on the phone with can more than likely wipe away the rest of the debt with a snap of a finger.”

“so if he can do that, why would you tell him to fuck off? i don’t get it.”

“because he wants to own majority of the business! all of the creative decisions, finances, even down to the dancers’ employment would be his decision. i’m not doing that! i’ve worked way too hard to get to where illusion is today. and do you know how many strip club owners are women? not a whole lot. this is my pride.”

you both sit in a minute of silence, her words repeating in your mind. she was right, so much went into this club and those who weren’t on the pole proved that a club could run without a man’s help or approval. and you knew your boss wasn’t desperate enough to give in just yet.

“well no one but you is gonna run club illusion. fuck another owner or a co-owner,” you firmly say as mia shakes her head and smiles, now directing her attention at her desktop, moving her mouse around.

“why do i like you so much, sage?”

“i dunno, i guess i have that effect on people,” you smile as you push your hair back, opening the door so you could start getting ready.

“by the way,” you say with one foot out the door, “what was the guy’s name?”

“somethin’ hong, i kept forgetting the name, why? does it ring a bell?”

“nah, just wanna have a name in mind just in case he shows up, you know they like doing that.”

“well let’s hope not,” she groans as she stretches her arms out. “i really don’t need the extra stress - i can already tell tonight’s gonna be extra for no reason.”

and crazy enough, your boss was right. security had to break up two fights, one of the dancers ended up getting sent home (she was overly drunk), and a bartender ended up quitting - all in the span of four hours.

you look at the clock on the wall, readjusting your bodysuit straps and making sure your makeup was still intact. it was finally midnight, which hopefully meant the rest of the night would be better until it was time for the club to close.

“crazy ass night huh?” your closest friend and fellow dancer, hana (also known as chardonnay) approaches you. she finds her makeup kit and grabs a brush, dolling up her face.

“who are you tellin? and it’s only thursday! if heads into the weekend,” you say but hana finishes your thoughts.

“oh hello no, do not manifest that energy. this weekend can be busy, but not crazy,” she puts her kit back in her corner and checks herself out.

min then walks into the dressing room, hastily scanning the area for one person. “hana!” she calls out, slightly panicking. “you have a whole party waiting for you and you’re talking in the dressing room?”

“i know min, i just had to make sure i was ready, sheesh,” hana rolls her eyes. “gimme five and i’ll be out. they can wait.”

“you better hurry up,” min says walking away, “mia already has had to deal with a lot of shit and i’m pretty sure the last thing she wants to deal with is y’all acting out.” she closes the door behind her and the music becomes muffled again.

“lemme head out there before even more hell gets raised,” hana sighs as she switches her clear heels for her champagne-colored ones. “i guess i’ll see you out there in a bit.” she and a few others leave the room, leaving the space nearly empty.

——

after checking yourself out, you finally head back on to the scene, deciding to walk around and look for clientele since you already performed on the main stage for tonight.

as you get deeper into the center, you notice a figure at one of the small, standing tables. intrigued, you walked closer and your body can’t deny it’s reaction when you see how handsome he is. his dress white shirt had a few buttons opened, his black hair styled to where not all of it was in his face, and his eyes? oh you felt like you could melt in them.

when you finally get close enough, you place your hand on his shoulder and he looks up at you, putting his glass of whiskey down. “hey there,” you smile flirty at him, and he responds by smiling back at you.

“hey beautiful,” he says in the most soft, yet incredibly sexy tone. “i haven’t seen you around before, are you new here?”

“oh, so you’ve been here before,” you say going to the opposite side of the table, your eyes not leaving is. “that’s interesting, considering i’ve never seen you, i practically have a sixth sense when it comes to this place.”

“mmm, different days, different times, maybe,” he picks up his glass and takes a sip and when he puts it down, you reach for his hand and take hold of it.

“well that can’t stop us from getting to know each other better,” you rub his hands softly. “what’s your name?”

“hong. joshua hong, to be more specific,” he says. “and yours?”

you try to keep a poker face, but you fail drastically as your expression changes. “hong?” you think to yourself. “hong.. why does it sound so familiar?”

you mind then recalls the conversation with mia, and you slowly remove your hand from his. “w-wait a minute, hong? are you a club owner or something?”

“actually i am, how did-” you interrupt him by scoffing and shaking your head, not believing what could’ve happened.

“no fucking way.. you’re the man that called my boss earlier today weren’t you? about wanting to own this place?”

“yeah, that was me,” he says with all the pride he can muster and it made you a little annoyed. “this place has so much potential, and it’s becoming one of the most popular clubs in the area. with my help, it can reach that and more! everyone would benefit.”

“look, hong - whoever you are, this club is doing fine. mia didn’t need a savior before and she doesn’t need one now, especially from some cocky motherfucker who he thinks he can change everything just by walking into the room.” you walk away ready to find another customer, but he comes in front of and stops you.

“you’re bold as hell.. i love that in a partner,” joshus says grinning as he begins to kiss the side of your neck teasingly, his lips feeling like a soft pillow. your body and your mind are now drastically confused. yes, he was trying to take over the club and you didn’t want that, but you couldn’t deny your physical attraction to him either.

after a few more seconds, joshua pulls away and smirks at you, clearly enjoying the fact that you were starting to break down your walls. he takes something out of his pocket and slides it into your hand, and when you feel it - it’s a thick wad of cash.

“let’s go upstairs baby,” joshua says as he pulls you towards him, having you lead the way. watching your surroundings, you firmly grab his hand and you lead him to the vip rooms, walking up the steps and then finding the closest, empty room.

unable to hold back anymore (and away from any other eyes), you sharply pull him closer to you and smash your mouth against his, hands roaming his hair as he walks backwards. when he reaches the edge of the couch, joshua gently sits down and pulls you onto his lap, his hands now palming your ass. you lowly moan at the feeling as you begin to roll your hips into him, his touches becoming more firmer as he squeezes your cheeks.

“you couldn’t resist me, could you?” joshua laughs to himself. “just a second ago you were telling me off, and now you’re like putty in my hands.”

“fuck you,” you moan out when he starts playing with the crotch of your bodysuit, dragging two fingers over the cloth. he continues the motion until he can start to feel a familiar dampness.

“awww cute, you wanna fuck me,” he gloats, dragging his fingers into your bodysuit, playing with your inside lips. he continues the motion for a few moments and then you muster every good bone left in your body, to pry his fingers away from your now dripping core.

“fuck, i shouldn’t be doing this.. i really shouldn’t be doing this,” you say hesitantly.

“well why not? we’re already here aren’t we? no one has to know, baby. this’ll be our little secret, m’kay?”

and that was all you needed to hear. this was definitely something you’d be carrying with you to the grave.

“fine. one round and then that’s it-” you can’t even finish your sentence before joshua slams his lips once again on yours, this time with more vigor and fever.

——

for the millionth time tonight, your body and your mind are in two conflicting states. how could something this bad be so incredibly good?

“m-mmm, sh-shua,” you moan into his ear as he thrusts into you, your bodysuit completely off and his pants pooling down at his ankles. “you feel amazing,” you continue to feel him up, pressing down on his shoulders. joshua hisses at the feeling, guiding your hands down to his waist so you can see and feel what he was doing to you.

“that’s all you,” he smiles as you move a bit to match his pace, almost moaning with you at the new intensity you both set. “with me here, you could have this every night, hmmm, maybe even more than that to be real with you.”

he was really trying to get you over, but for your sake - it couldn’t happen.

“and with you here, you’d probably take out 20% of my pay,” you chuckle but it’s immediately cut off when joshua thrusts sharply into you, causing you to hunch over and moan, almost loud enough to where someone could hear you.

“i thought you needed to be quiet? you’re fucking the new potential owner, can’t have everyone finding out, right?”

“fuck, fuck, f-fuck,” you whisper, joshua not sure if that was from the sex or if you were still frustrated that your morals have gone out the window.

you feel a tightening in your core, and you knew any minute that you were about to come. as he continues to thrust into you, the coils in your become smaller and more detailed.

“joshua, shua, i- mmmm, i-!” you call out for him and moments later, you juices leak on him. you relax into his chest, regulating your breathing to a slower pace.

——

“this doesn’t mean anything you know,” your back facing him as he helps you fix the strings on your bodysuit. “i’ve already crossed some lines that i can’t return from.”

“i keep telling you sweetheart, no one has to know. you’re making it seem like you have to tell the whole world.”

several thoughts run through your mind, including ones of him railing you from behind in one of the secluded vip rooms. you try and push them out of your head when you finally speak.

“and if i did want to see you again, how would i go about that?” joshua then hands you a business card and pats your back, signifying that he was done.

“just gimme a call love.”

you both walk out the room, and he turns to face you again, leaving a kiss on your forehead. “see you soon, baby.” he walks away, leaving you dazed and in suspended motion. you almost don’t hear your name being called out.

“sage!” hana calls out to you and you walk over to her.

“who was that? he’s so fucking hot! how’d you bag him?”

you sigh as you lie through your teeth, “he’s no one special. just another customer.”

strawberry icing on your lips 🍓 - svthub valentine’s day collab

tags/warnings: fluff for the first half, smut for the second half, a bit of pwp, boyfriend! shua, female! reader, baking at home, lots of kissing, fingering, nana tour inspired, shua’s kinda a flirt in this one heh

word count: 1.45k

notes: hey besties! happy love day and i’m beyond excited to share my first svthub collab work! this valentine’s day collab was hosted by the amazing @wongyuseokie thank you supporting us! 🥰 please check out the other author’s works as well! :) this is my next biggest work for shua after private dancer, so i hope you all enjoy! to my lovely valentine @gyuhanniescarat i hope you enjoy reading and i love you have a safe and beautiful valentine’s day & carat day! 🥰

“okay, flour, eggs, milk.. what else are missing?” you ask observing the ingredients in front of you, moving them around to make sure nothing was hidden.

“are the strawberries on the table? oh man, we almost forgot the butter too!” your boyfriend remembers walking to the fridge, reaching for the said items.

you and your boyfriend joshua have been together for three years and the two valentine’s days you’ve spent together have been nothing short of wonderful. for the past two years, you’ve gone out on valentine’s day, but after he came back from a recent europe trip, both of you decided to stay at home this year. you wanted to give him some time to relax and get readjusted to being back at home.

in recounting his europe adventures, he told the story of the time he took a cooking class in rome. he made four different pastas from scratch, all with delicious sauces and wine pairings. hearing joshua tell you of his experience with the excitement and joy made your heart swell, which led you to an idea.

“hey josh, instead of going out this year, why don’t we make our own dinner at home? it sounds like a lot of fun from what you just told me. ooh! we could even bake something too! i’ve been looking at a ton of new recipes lately!”

your boyfriend sweetly laughs at your enthusiasm and kisses your forehead, “let’s do it then! we’ll have a nice candlelit dinner at home this year.”

back in the present, you two have finally gathered all the ingredients to get started with your dessert course - vanilla cookies with a strawberry cream icing. since dinner wouldn’t take as long to make, you decided to get the dessert portion out of the way first.

“hmm let’s see, i’ll work on the flour mixture first, do you wanna work on the icing?” you ask joshua, setting the stainless steel bowls out on the counter. “sure! can you pass me the heavy cream and sugar?”

soon, a comfortable silence surrounds the kitchen, the two of you working side by side, mixing and whisking ingredients together. there is one moment where you accidentally reach for the butter at the same time, gently laughing together as joshua rubs your hand, admiring your soft, delicate skin. you can’t help but blush at the feeling of his hand on top of yours.

more time passes and now, you’re working on molding the shape of the cookies together. joshua is just about done with the icing as well, testing the ribbons of cream as it drips off the whisk and back into the bowl.

“babe,” he turns his head toward you, still focused on flattening what is now your sixth cookie. you hum in response, not looking up just yet. “can you taste the icing for me? i think it’s done, but it might be missing something.”

you finish molding your cookie and quickly grab a spoon from your utensil drawer. you scoop a small bit of icing on the edge of the spoon, nearly melting at the sweet taste and smooth texture of the icing dancing across your mouth.

“josh, this tastes so good!” you exclaim happily, scraping a bigger spoonful this time, giddy as ever as you put the spoon to your mouth again, loving how everything combined to make such a delicious icing. “you did amazing baby! it has the right of amount of sweetness and everything!”

this time, joshua can’t help but blush at your continuous flow of praise, but he also couldn’t help but get hot from watching you taste the icing - your cute lips pressing together and the humming you made the second time you taste tested was not helping the rush of blood that went down to his body.

joshua quickly notices that you have a little speck of icing left on your lips, quickly seizing it as an opportunity to give into temptation and get his hands on you.

“hey baby, you have a little something right-“ he drags out the last word as he holds your jaw with his right thumb gently, his soft, gentle lips meeting yours. the kiss takes you by surprise, but you quickly melt into your boyfriend’s touch as you tilt your head to give him more access inside of you. the two of you establish a rhythm for a few moments until you pull away first, slightly breathless and a pleasant, heavenly daze taking over your body.

“there,” joshua finishes, chuckling as he holds you by your waist, lifting you up so you can sit on the edge of the counter. he swipes his left thumb across your lips and licks his own while you watch, the motion sending arousal down your spine.

he doesn’t hesitate to kiss your neck soon after, quietly moaning as his lips nibbled on your body’s sensitive spots. you push your bowl full of cookie dough to the side as joshua’s hands come underneath your tank top, roaming your soft skin.

with ease, he takes off the piece of clothing, lips moving from your neck to the center of your chest. this time joshua becomes bolder, letting his tongue get some action as he licks and sucks on the space between your breasts.

“sh-shua.. shua, o-ohhh,” you moan out louder this time, wanting him to hear how good he’s making you feel. you’re so caught up in the pleasure that he was giving your chest that you don’t even notice his fingertips walking along your thighs, then underneath your skirt - and eventually to your panty line.

before you can even say anything, joshua’s fingers pull the waistband back and let it go, snapping against your waist. you gals and bite your lip in pleasure as your body goes slightly forward and joshua smirks in return. his fingers continue to tease at your panties, the pink lace nearly making him form heart eyes in front of you.

“you’re so pretty for me,” he breathes out, dragging your panties to the side with two fingers. “always, so, so pretty,” he repeats as he slowly inserts another two fingers inside of your core, chuckling at how wet you already are.

“coating my fingers and i haven’t even started with you yet,” he scoffs. “just a needy little girl, aren’t you?”

“only for you,” you whine back with doe eyes. “only you make me this wet.”

“good to know,” he smiles as he starts pushing his fingers in and out at a steady pace, your whines becoming more breathy and high pitched. “mmmm, more, shua - please, more…” you request, eyes starting to glisten like diamonds.

“i’ve thought about this before.. taking you down in the kitchen, especially while i was away taking those cooking classes.. just even imagining you pressing up against me while prepping the ingredients was enough to get me hard,” joshua confesses. “seeing you get so excited over the icing, i couldn’t help my myself baby,” he softly smiles as he holds you by your chin again and kisses you, this time, his fingers making a circular motion inside of you.

whatever noises you release now are deep inside of his mouth, craving for more of him as you entwine your tongue with his once again. you feel the pressure in your body start to build, knowing that you were going to come soon.

joshua then begins a scissoring motion in your pussy, the highest pitched noises you didn’t even know you could make were pouring out of your mouth like a river. you were practically panting joshua’s name out now, begging for him to make you come, promising you will come like a good girl.

after one particularly good thrust, you release all over his fingers, coating them in your deliciousness. you pant into his chest, leaning forward as you take in his scent again, trying to regain your breath, but not wanting to come down from the amazing high.

“i don’t know what tastes better, you or the icing,” joshua teases when you sit up, looking into his eyes.

“you flatter me,” you playfully roll your eyes as you hold his hand, turning around to take a look at the clock. “well, we still have some time left before we actually start cooking the main course.. did you wanna-“

before you can even finish your sentence, he hoists you up again, and laugh, legs immediately wrapping around his waist as he walks you to the bedroom.

“i haven’t even done half the things i wanted to do with you yet this valentine’s day.. c’mon my pretty girl,” joshua swoons, moving your hair from your eyes. “dinner can wait just a bit longer.”

𝘑𝘰𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘢 𝐹𝑖𝑐 𝑅𝑒𝑐𝑠

♡ Fluff || ୨୧ Angst || ★ Smut || ꗃ SMAU || ⌗ Series || ✿ Drabble || ♤ Mature (No smut) || ✹ Humor

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Virgin killer ♡★ -> @wonusite Part 2

Synopsis: You can’t stand the clear line the cute nerd in your calculus class always draws between you two. However, you’re determined to show him that there’s a fine line between love and hate. And if you happen to get him to cross that line, even better.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Anonymously Yours ♡୨୧✹ -> @joonsytip

Synopsis: After an accidental text message turns into a digital friendship, you and Joshua start crushing on each other without realizing you both see each other frequently in real life. Notable Mention: You both hate each other's guts....

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Pretty when you cry ★ -> @cheolhub

summary. joshua just loves how pretty you look when you’re in tears.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Say it back ♡ -> @diamondyjh

Synopsis: A tipsy Joshua is a clingy Joshua.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Vanilla ★♡ -> @milfgyuu

Summary: Joshua has a secret but perhaps it’s not really a secret at all. Maybe you’ve just refused to see it in an effort to keep your feelings at bay.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Wildest dreams ♡✹ -> @viastro

synopsis: it’s your last year of school forever, and you’re about to meet the most horrifying chapter of life: the real world. now worrying about your life’s lack of spontaneity, you decide to get married to your best friend in vegas for 24 hours.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Beautiful day Sunday morning ★♡ -> @sluttywoozi

Summary: Joshua’s tried everything, but he just can’t stop being in love with his best friend

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Steamy ★ -> @duhnova

next door neighbor!joshua - unfortunately in the middle of your shower your hot water breaks so you have to go next door and ask your unnaturally hot neighbor if you can use his

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Domino ♡✹★ -> @universecorp

Summary: After a one night stand on your birthday, you never expected to meet the stranger again. You also never expected him to enter your life permanently.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Under the rose ♡★ -> @just-come-baek

Summary: You’ve known Joshua your entire life, and it has always irked you when he got praised for the same things you were scolded for. You hate these societal double standards thrown upon you almost as much as people who judge you for it. Thankfully, you have Joshua, who just gets you.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Late to the party ★ -> @sluttywoozi Part 2 , Sundress Szn

Summary: You try to convince Joshua to go to Cheol's birthday party. Joshua tries to convince you to have a party for two | husband!joshua, husband joshua is horny and in love with you

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Your gentleman ★ -> @wonwussy

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Leaning on the everlasting arms ♡୨୧★ -> @onlyhuis

synopsis | as kids growing up in the same church, you and joshua were inseperable, until you got to an age where it was considered immoral for girls and boys to be friends. when you find him again just before graduation, he's different than you remember; but so are you.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Best friend's brother ♡୨୧★ -> @chocosvt

synopsis: joshua happens to be your best friend's older brother. he's pretty, and he's got a lot of cool details about him that you pay a concerning amount of attention to, but he’s just a friend (if you could even call it that). still, what does he think of you, anyway? that is—if he thinks of you.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ To you ♡୨୧★ -> @onlymingyus

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Fine line ♡୨୧★ -> @heartkyeom

synopsis: as a joshua fangirl, getting the chance to interview him as a teenager was an absolute dream. 10 years later with a flourishing career as a writer and a strained relationship with him, he wants to do a 10 year reunion interview about his path to the upcoming Olympics. there’s only one problem: you’re staying at his house and trying not to address your old feelings for him.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Untitled ♡୨୧ -> @gyu-effect

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Paint by numbers ♡୨୧ -> @chocosvt

synopsis: somebody new just moved into the upstairs apartment. they’re loud, irritatingly sweet, and unfortunately, very pretty. but you’re not looking for a new relationship, even if it comes in the form of joshua hong. 

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Golden Hour ♡ -> @dkfile

summer ends in less than a month, leaving you with a limited amount of time to build up the courage to profess your undying love for your best friend before he leaves again for college. alternatively the summer of pining, featuring a group of annoyed bystanders.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Cranberry concoctions ♡୨୧★ -> @onlyhuis

synopsis | you came to the infamous diamond glass looking for a good cocktail. instead, you found love in a hot bartender who also makes the best cosmos you’ve ever had.

[ More joshua recs will be updated ]

Want more Seventeen fic recs? -> Click here

joshua reading list / fic recs !

don't forget to like + reblog the fics that you like to support the authors <3

navigation

FICTS ! ✧*

Hoax (smut, angst, mafia!shua, strangers to lovers) by @lovelyhan

Isohel (modern royalty au, prince!shua, smut, angst) by @toruro

Eyes Meeting, Hearts Apart (mild angst, prince!shua, smut) by @lovelyhan

Mr. Nice Guy (smut, neighbor!shua) by @toruro

Under The Rose (fluff, smut, frenemies childhood to lovers, kinda historical au) by @just-come-baek

Honeyduke Lovers (hogwarts au, unrequited love, hufflepuff!shua x slytherin!reader. yep this is the story of how slytherin becomes undyingly soft for hufflepuff) by @http-mianhae

Steamy (smut, next door neighbor!shua) by @duhnova

written by @onlyhuis :

Cranberry Concoctions (smut, a little angst & fluff, 1920s, prohibition au)

Leaning on The Everlasting Arms (angst, smut, some fluff, bible college au)

Fine Line (fluff, smut, angst, figure skater!shua) by @heartkyeom

Prove it, You Won't (fluff, angst, humor, tattoo artist au) by @leejungchans

Oceans and Engines (fluff, exes to lovers, a lil' angst) by @renjunphile

Lover Boy (regency era romance, commoner!shua x aristocrat fem!reader, historical drama) by @starlightxsvt

Gentleman (angst, fluff, sugar daddy au) by @starlightxsvt

Wildest Dreams (bestfriends to lovers, fluff, humor) by @viastro

The Type (smut, fluff, college boyfriend!shua) by @bitchlessdino

Your Gentleman (smut, camboy!shua) by @wonwussy

Fighting for Your Love (smut, threesome ft. jeonghan) by @rubyreduji

Half Past Five High The Series (ft. mingyu, smut, angst, minor fluff, rich people au, love triangle, cheating. supermodel!gyu, photographer!shua x influencer fem!reader) by @multi-kpop-fanfics

Paint Me Numbers (fluff, shallow angst, guitarist/bandmate!shua) by @chocosvt

Domino (fluff, crack, smut) by @universecorp

Nasty (smut, fluff) by @soonigiri

Menace (smut) by @jeonghantis

You're All That Matters (fluff, bf!shua) by @heartsfromia

Be My Date (fluff, minor angst) by @heartsfromia

Mine (smut) by @luxekook

Meant for Each Other (fluff, soulmate au) by @slytherinshua

Golden Hour (best friends to lovers, fluff, slice of life, summer vacation au) by @dkfile

An Interview with An Angel (meet cute, fluff, reporter!shua) by @hannyoontify

Our Fairytale (smut, fluff) by @zuhacore

DRABBLES / SCENARIOS ! ✧*

at every table, i'll save you a seat (fluff) by @suhnshinehaos

bad habits (exes with benefits, smut, mild angst) by @lovelyhan

pretty when you cry (smut) by @cheolhub

quiet time (smut) by @number1mingyustan

acouasm (smut) by @angelwoozi

when you can't sleep but shua is right next to you (fluff, comfort) by @wonwoonlight

one-up (smut) by @sluttywonwoo

golden boy's mercy (smut) by @bitchlessdino

17. 12 (smut) by @lovelyhan

14. 13 (smut) by @toruro

after a long day (smut) by @sevngmin148

title (fluff, established relationship, ceo) by @leejungchans

relax (fluff, smut, established relationship) by @playmetheclassics

shower (fluff) @husbandhannie

stay up (fluff) by @bitterie-sweetie

about you : valentine's special (fluff, angst, friends to lovers) by @shuawonie

fruit (smut) by @onlyseokmins

i love you, always (fluff, comfort) by @monnn

10.32 (fluff, bf!shua) by @elysianeclipxe

clingy (fluff) and smitten (fluff) by @slytherinshua

we won't change because we're engraved in each other's heart (fluff) by @wooahaes

late night call | hong jisoo

pairing: joshua x reader

genre: angst

warnings: just a bit of heartbreak is all :)

word count: 540

summary: in which you call joshua to let him know you got home safely

a/n: i watched (1) tik tok, blinked, and suddenly this drabble was written out in front of me. i’ve also been reading “our violent ends” by chloe gong so there is a lot of angst building up inside of me because of this 

Three rings was all it took for Joshua to answer. He’d always been fast when it came to answering your calls.

“Y/N? Is something wrong?” he asked, a smile appearing on your lips at the sound of his voice. 

“Nothing’s wrong,” you reassured, moving to sit on the ground in front of your couch. You rested your head back on the cushion. 

“Oh. Did you need to tell me something?”

“I went out drinking with my friends tonight. I had a few shots and had them call me a cab. I’m back home now,” you told him, staring up at the ceiling. There was a sticky toy stuck on the ceiling, courtesy of Joshua himself, who had gotten the toy for free from some old lady in your building. He ended up throwing it too high one day, causing it to get stuck on the ceiling for months. 

Joshua’s silent, you noticed. 

“Did you drink tonight?” you questioned, curious about his lack of words. 

“No, I didn’t.” His answer was short. Not usual for the man who could spend hours talking to you about nothing. 

“That’s good. At least one of us will remember this conversation, then,” you joked, a small chuckle escaping your lips afterward. 

The call went silent again. On the other line, you could hear Joshua sigh, mumbling something away from the phone before you heard a door close.

“Are you with someone?” you asked. 

“Just the guys,” he answered. “Listen, Y/N…”

“I could come over, if you wanted. I haven’t seen the guys in a while. Only Mingyu, because he’s dating my friend but—“

“Y/N.”

“They’re still going strong. It’s crazy. I thought they were complete opposites, and that they wouldn’t work out, but they managed—“

“Y/N. We broke up, remember?”

His words silenced you quicker than you liked. 

“Y/N?”

You allowed another few beats of silence to pass before you answered. 

“Yes?”

“You don’t need to keep calling me to tell me you got home.”

It was then you felt the tears falling down your cheeks. It seemed like you’ve been crying for a while, you noticed, glancing down to find wet spots staining your jeans. You quickly wiped at your tears.

“Joshua…”

“Please, Y/N,” he whispered. His voice was weak, almost as if he was trying not to cry. “You ended this, so please, just let it end. You can’t keep torturing me like this… giving me hope with every call you make.” You heard him choke back a sob. you found you were doing the same.

“I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry too.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” you mumbled. You heard Joshua whimper, then curse to himself.

“I have to go. The boys will wonder what’s up.”

“Of course. Have fun—“

“Don’t call again, please.”

With those final words, Joshua hung up the phone. Your hand moved away from your ear, dropping your phone to the ground with an abrupt smack. Just as you had left him, Joshua did the same to you tonight, leaving you to cry with the empty bottle of tequila beside you on the floor.

The sticky toy fell later that night, dropping to the ground with a small thump.