Just Pure Maruki Angst - Tumblr Posts

So Maruki scar HC brainworms: To give a basic description, it's a HC that Maruki got a scar on the back of his neck from when he fused with Adam (which was done by being jabbed by a tentacle in that area which looked like it hurt and that horrified me!).

Now he did give verbal permission for Azathoth/Adam to basically "use him" (which already is horrifying no matter how you spin it) but he probably didn't think it involves a painful neck jab and knocking him unconscious. Basically being reduced to a puppet as a result of the fusion. So fast forward to the aftermath, Maruki is honestly shaken and even traumatized by it. He felt used, violated even and that scar he ended up getting is a grim reminder of that along with his impulsive decisions.

He covers it up when he can just so that he doesn't have to see it and be reminded of that experience. But when he does see it or anyone remotely notices and even touches it, he panics. Yes, it does undeniably go against what he ultimately learned but let's face it; there's bound to be relapses and he wouldn't be an exception to that. But yeah, every bad and impulsive decision, the moments where he hurt and even nearly got a group of kids who wanted to help him killed. Regardless of whether he was in control or not, there's no denying that he would be messed up by that knowledge. Even when he was able to hold Adam back somehow because he does care and they know he didn't intend to, his mind drifts to negative thoughts and self-loathing. Everything basically comes back to him with a vengeance and can even go into a PTSD induced panic attack at worst.

When asked about it (the scar), he denies it being there or dodges the question and changes the subject. He knows he's running again but he's too afraid of confronting those feelings of hurt and violation at the hands of his own so-called, "Persona." He basically acts like someone who dealt with a toxic partner (romantic or platonic) from an outsider's perspective which is what would lead to a subject change sometimes. Not only that, but he would have nightmares of the experience... Sometimes with horrifying outcomes.

Now let's add HaseMaru/MaruKichi to the mix shall we? Zenkichi has scars too. Mostly from his time in the Metaverse and using his "Fury" ability and hey, maybe even surgery scars if we go with the Trans HC for him! Zen would undoubtedly be insecure but Maruki just says otherwise. Naturally, the latter would know about his own hypocrisy there but he does genuinely think Zen looks beautiful regardless. Maruki still hides his own scar and Zen would slowly get curious until one day they were just laying in bed and Maruki sits up for a moment and that's when Zen sees it. He asks about it only to get denial of its existence. He's confused and scoots closer, asking again. Still denying it. He gets a little annoyed and ends up tapping on it with his finger before asking once more and... Maruki freezes as memories come flooding back, especially that motion. He clutches his head and quietly says the "I am thou" quote as tears run down his face and then hyperventilates. Zen starts to panic too and tries to calm him down only for Maruki to scream and repeatedly apologize with a faraway look in his eyes. He does snap out of it but by then Zen had backed away from him, looking extremely guilty and thinking he had hurt him. Maruki tries to explain but he gets a rushed apology followed by a door opening and closing. Maruki could practically hear Azathoth mocking him as he's now all alone with no one to help him and that he caused it. Maruki finally has it. He's done. He already pushed away everyone else, Rumi especially... He doesn't want to lose more loved ones. He finds Zen in the living room trying to collect his thoughts and immediately hugs him tightly as he fully breaks down. He tells him everything, even the more darker aspects of his story. He doesn't look at Zen as he finishes, feeling like he would be viewed as a monster but he doesn't hear any hate or berating towards him.

"Can you turn around? I want to fully see it."

Maruki's confused but does so. He jumps a bit when he feels a small touch and then a kiss on it. To his surprise, he feels more... Warm. Especially when he feels arms wrap around him. None of the cold, empty tentacles or pain. Just a warm, gentle touch. No pain, just safety. Zen doesn't hold any of it against him, in fact... He appreciated the moment of honesty and vulnerability and that, like how Maruki viewed his scars, he thinks it's beautiful like him. They both cried but are happy that night. Ever since then, Zen made it a routine to kiss that scar when he could and Maruki doesn't associate it with those traumatic memories anymore, just that night and his lover/partner. Recovery is slow but progressing regardless. He still has the attacks and nightmares but he has someone to help ground him now if needed. The PTs themselves included once he fully reconnects with them. He's genuinely happy.