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Okay I see you anon! I can’t wait to write it out!

How would Joker feel if Y/n died? Can you write something for this?

My Everything

Ledger!Joker x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Death, mention of suicide, violence

Summary: Y/n is killed by one of Joker’s many enemies and as we can all predict, J loses his everloving mind

Author’s Note: Thank you thank you thank you for this request beloved anon!!!! This has been my favorite thing I’ve ever written so far. And also the longest I’ve wrote in one sitting. I’m so proud of myself, I wrote almost 4000 words! I need to do that more often.

This is going to be an angsty one. But it’s not all bad. My oc Matilda makes her debut and there’s a ton of bromance going on between J and his right hand man. As always, enjoy! <3

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @unholiiness

“She’s gone…she’s…she’s…” Joker mumbled to himself.

The phone slipped out of his hand and clattered onto the floor. He sat down on a chair and stared out into space, disassociating. 

Frost noticed his boss from across the room. He knew those distant eyes from anywhere. It only meant trouble.

“Boss! Boss! Snap out of it!” He shouted.

Joker jumped up out of the chair. He grabbed Frost by his shirt collar and shook him in anger.

“What the fuck happened, Frost?! How did they get to her?!” Joker thundered.

“I-I don’t know! There’s no way they could’ve gotten past the security we set up. I’m just as shocked as you are!” Frost pleaded his case.

Joker grumbled and released him, sending him tumbling to the floor. Frost was right. Nothing was out of the ordinary. The security and all the cameras J had set up for your apartment were all working fine that day.

Joker stormed into the control room with Frost tagging along right behind him. He scanned the footage from that day and stopped when he saw movement around 2 pm. No wonder the cameras didn’t catch anything. You had left the apartment.

He felt a sharp pang of guilt. He shouldn’t have left you alone for so long. If he had been home or nearby he could’ve saved you. 

Frost’s phone dinged and he glanced at it. He looked up at Joker gravely.

“They found her body. She’s in the boardroom.”

Joker didn’t say a word and marched straight out of the control room into the boardroom. He pushed open the double doors and walked up to the table. His henchmen backed away in fear. 

Your body was placed carefully on the table. You looked so pale, your hair was a mess, and you were splattered with blood. Clearly you didn’t go down without a fight. Joker felt a lump form in his throat. He hated himself for letting this happen to you.

As Joker observed, Frost came into the room behind him and motioned for the goons to leave before things got ugly. The men cleared out and Frost walked up to Joker. 

“Um, boss, what do we do now?” He asked.

Joker turned and looked at him solemnly. “I don’t know…”

They stared at the table in silence for a while. Joker couldn’t stand it. A surge of rage swept over him and he slammed his fist on the table, causing Frost to jump.

“Keep her here. I’m going out. I’ll figure out what to do with her later and give her a proper burial and all…” Joker trailed off.

Frost nodded.

Joker grabbed his jacket off of a hook on the wall, threw it on, and rushed out the doors. He had no idea where he was going but he had to get away from this. He ran down the sidewalk, his brain moving a hundred miles an hour. His worst fear had come true. You were taken from him in cold blood. 

The crisp Gotham night air burned in his lungs as he ran. Long before he donned his Joker persona, running had always helped him clear his head. The adrenaline was a temporary relief from the pain.

It was dark, not many people lived in this area, and he was wearing casual clothes so he didn’t have to worry about being seen. Not that he cared. Nothing mattered anymore.

Joker gave one last burst of energy and stopped, panting. He ended up on the west side of Gotham harbor. A bridge was a few feet ahead. He walked up to the railing and gazed out over the water. The moon cast a shimmering reflection on top.

He sighed. Nights like this reminded him so much of you. You loved to go on walks through the park or other scenic spots in Gotham on cool, clear nights, holding his hand and skipping down the sidewalk without a care in the world.

You were his light in the dark places, his rock, his everything. You showed him real genuine love and compassion. You made him feel alive again. Now you were gone and he would never forgive himself. 

He breathed heavily as he felt the intense emotions weigh down on him. His first response to your death was shock and then fury but now the reality of the situation hit him and he broke down. He felt his breathing hitch and tears form. He blinked them away with a snarl of disgust. He would not succumb to such weakness!

But he underestimated the effect you had on him and felt the anguish come surging back. Then Joker did something he hadn’t in years. 

He began to cry. 

It started out soft but the more the tears fell, the louder he wept. These tears were long overdue. So much pain over the years but he could only think about you. 

“Oh God, why? Why her?” Joker sobbed.

He looked out over the water again, letting his misty eyes wander down to the base of the bridge. The waves crashed against the stone pillars holding the bridge up. Clusters of giant rocks lined the two banks. It was at least 30 feet down.

He felt the sudden urge to jump. He rejected it at first. He wasn’t done yet. He still had many years of causing chaos left but then he thought of how different his life was going to be. 

No more beautiful smiles to come home to after a gruesome day’s work. No more warm cozy mornings spent cuddling with you. No more late night strolls at the park. No more shared laughter. No more y/n…

A life without you wasn’t worth living. So he went for it. He turned his back to the water, spread his arms out wide, looked to the sky, and fell backwards. He closed his eyes as he went over the railing. 

The sound of the crashing waves got closer and closer until…silence.

…

Joker opened his eyes and looked around groggily. He was strapped to a bed and hooked up to several things in Arkham’s infirmary. At first he didn’t fully grasp what he was seeing. Then it hit him. He regained his senses and jolted as upright as the restraints would allow him. He wriggled around and struggled against them.

A nurse came running in and grabbed his shoulders, trying to calm him down. Joker recognized her as Matilda.

“J, relax. It’s alright.” His favorite nurse said gently as she eased him back. 

“No, no, no! It’s not alright! It’s…it’s…” He struggled to get his words out and panted.

Matilda rubbed his back in another attempt to calm him. 

“You have got to calm down, honey. You’re hooked up to a heart monitor. It starts going off and they’re all gonna come running in here like chickens with their heads cut off.” 

Joker breathed in and out and tried to think clearly. His head was spinning with a sensory and information overload.

“Why am I here? What happened?” He blurted out.

“They found you at the bottom of the bridge at the harbor last night. You jumped.” Matilda responded calmly. 

Joker groaned as the events from the previous day came back to him. He woke up thinking it was all just one horrible nightmare but once again reality came crashing down. 

“Why did you do it?” Matilda asked.

Joker looked up at her with sorrowful watery eyes. The older woman had never seen such a look on his scarred face before. 

“My sweet girl, my y/n, she’s…she’s dead.” He mumbled.

He was delirious with grief. Matilda could see that now. Under normal circumstances, he would never have shown such emotion. 

And hold up, the Joker in love with someone? It seemed so unbelievable. Throughout all of his time in Arkham he’d never once mentioned this girl to Matilda. Most likely to keep her safe and hidden.

“Who was y/n? A lover? A girlfriend?” Matilda questioned him.

“She was my everything…my special treasure that made me feel again. She never hurt anybody. She didn’t deserve this.” 

“I’m so sorry, J. She sounded like a wonderful person. Listen, I know you’re still grieving but try not to think about it too much. You need to rest. You hit those rocks pretty hard. It’s a miracle you’re still alive.”

“But I can’t stop thinking about her. It feels like a part of me has been ripped out of my chest.” Joker whined.

“I know dear, but you mustn't dwell on it too much if you’re going to recover. Just lay here and rest. Your body will thank you for it.” 

“Okay…” Joker murmured as she pulled the blanket resting on his legs up over his chest and then left the room to finish her rounds. 

The rest of the day Joker laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. All he could think about was you. Your absence felt like a gaping hole in his heart.

A few other nurses came by throughout to check on him. He didn’t speak a word to them. They didn’t either. He let them do their job and get out. Normally he would torment them by being difficult or teasing them but this time he just didn’t have the energy. 

That evening he grew restless. 

What am I doing here moping around? I should be out there getting even!

It had just occurred to him that by giving up he was letting your murderer go free. Why hadn’t he thought of this before? He would not allow that. He was extremely glad he didn’t die. Even if he didn’t think of it when caught up in the moment, it would haunt him forever that your killer got away.

Sofia Falcone and her lackeys would pay. But first, Joker needed to escape.

He waited until a young nurse came in a little later to give him a sedative that would help him sleep. Before she could prepare the syringe, he looked up at her innocently. 

“Um, nurse, can you loosen these straps? They’re really botherin’ me.” He asked nicely.

The nurse laughed to herself. “Ha. You think I’m gonna loosen your restraints? No way. Nice try though.”

“Please? Just a little bit…” He said and stared her down with his big pleading brown eyes. This was when his handsomeness really came in handy. 

The nurse sighed. “Well, okay. But only a little bit.”

She bent down and loosened the buckles on his wrists a notch or two. When she came back up, Joker head butted her and she collapsed onto the ground. 

He slipped his hands free from the straps and unbuckled his feet. Then he unhooked himself from the different monitors and quickly took his IV out. He grabbed the nurse’s badge and keys and sprinted out the door. 

Luckily, the infirmary was close to the back entrance so he could get out much faster than if he was coming from his cell. He dashed down the stairs to the ground level and through the halls, shoving a few nurses out of the way as he went. He had a small limp in his leg but other than that he was able to run just fine.

How did I survive that fall? He thought as he ran. 

He made it to the double doors of the back entrance and used the nurse’s badge for the identification scanner that unlocked them. Regardless, someone must have reported him because the alarm went off anyway. So much for stealth.

“Screw this.” Joker muttered and ran into the parking lot. 

He used the nurse’s car keys to find which one was hers. A small white car flashed in response. It wasn’t much but it would have to do. He hurried over to it, climbed in, started the engine, and took off. He made it to the gate and sped through just as another car came through the opening. The guard stationed there just sat there dumbfounded.

Joker flew across the bridge and into the mainland where the cops were waiting. He groaned loudly in frustration but kept going. He drove straight towards them as bullets whizzed past his head through the windshield and the windows. Then he made a sharp turn and went around the blockade of cars. 

The police hopped in their cars and sped after him. Joker weaved in and out of other cars as he drove into the city. He made turn after turn and took back alley after back alley, trying to lose them. Finally, he crashed into a dumpster in an alleyway, crawled out of the car, and hopped the fence before the cops could get there. 

He ran down the sidewalk, unsure of what to do now. He hadn’t planned this far ahead. There was a very high chance they were going to catch him and drag his ass back to Arkham. He couldn’t let that happen.

Suddenly a black car pulled up beside him. The driver rolled down the window and shouted, “Get in!” 

Joker breathed a sigh of relief and climbed in. It was Frost, there to save the day like always. Frost made a quick glance to the passenger seat as he sped off. Joker was wearing white scrubs, no makeup, his hair was everywhere, he was covered in bruises, his forehead had a bandaged gash on it, and his lip was busted.

Frost chuckled. “You look like shit.”

“I’m aware…” Joker grumbled.

“I saw the escape on the news so I figured you needed some help. And I also saw that you, uh, well…I’m just glad you’re still here, boss.”

“Aw, quit your blubbering and drive, Frost. I’m fine. I won’t try it again. Y/n wouldn’t want me to.”

Frost nodded and looked into the side mirror. The cops had gone in the other direction so he slowed down a bit. A few minutes later he made it to the hideout. He pulled into the garage and parked. 

Joker thrust the door open and made a beeline for his office/sometimes living space. He desperately wanted to get cleaned up and change his clothes. He shut his office door and flung the closet open. There were spare suits and casual clothes hanging in there. He grabbed his signature purple suit and laid it out on the desk to change into. 

He walked into the built-in bathroom in his office and locked the door. He ripped the bandage off his head and examined the gash. 

Yeesh. That’s nasty. He thought as he threw the gauze away. 

He turned on the shower and stripped off as he waited on the water to warm up. He looked at his body in the mirror. His body was dotted with bruises and small cuts. He still had no clue how he survived that fall.

Once the shower was ready, Joker hopped in and started washing himself off. He didn’t know why but Arkham always made him feel dirty. Whether it be the combined smell of bleach and vomit or those itchy patient scrubs. 

The hot water stung his wounds a little but Joker relished in it. The water comforted him and soothed his aching muscles. The last two days had been hell. This was a temporary escape from his current circumstances.

Joker finally returned to the real world and shut off the water. He staggered out and dried himself off. Then he secured a bandaid on the gash and slathered white paint over it, quickly reapplied his makeup, and dyed his hair green again. When he was done he wrapped the towel around his waist and walked back into his office. He dressed himself, careful not to smudge his makeup too much.

He went to the lounge room, where Frost was sitting on the couch drinking some coffee. He looked up and waited for Joker to speak.

“Go call everyone together for a meeting. We’re nailing that bitch.” Joker ordered gruffly.

“Yes sir.” Frost replied and hopped to it. 

Not long after, the goons were all seated in the boardroom as Joker had requested. He walked in and the whole room fell silent. All eyes were on him. He cleared his throat.

“As some of you are already aware, something very important to me has been…taken. Sofia Falcone is responsible. And as you all know, we’ve been waging in a bit of a war for years now. I did a pretty good job eliminating Gotham’s mob but then she came along and rebuilt her father’s empire, encouraging others to rebuild and ruining all my hard work. This is the final straw. We’re going to storm her headquarters tonight and destroy it along with everyone inside.”

The men cheered but quickly silenced themselves when both Joker and Frost glared at them.

As Joker laid out the plans, Frost couldn’t help but feel a knot of fear turn his stomach. The Falcones were dangerous. It was a suicide mission. The majority of the goons were probably going to get killed. Joker knew that but it didn’t matter. He had to avenge y/n or die. Frost came to terms with it, deciding it was a noble cause.

Once everyone was armed and ready to go, they all piled into the four black cars lined up in the garage. Joker and Frost got in the last car in line and took off. To not draw attention to themselves by traveling as a group, the cars each headed out in different directions but were all going to the same place. When they reached the Falcone base of operations (an abandoned club), the cars pulled in towards the back of the building. They walked up to the door and waited for Joker’s instructions.

Joker stood up on the steps and looked over all of his men.

“Shoot to kill, boys. But Sofia is mine.” He growled.

Frost kicked in the door and stepped aside. The goons stormed in and began shooting at everything. Sofia’s men were caught off guard so many of them were killed instantly while others had a delayed reaction. Groups of Joker’s men moved into other rooms to attack. Blood and debris was strewn through the air. Men were dying left and right and more so of Sofia’s than Joker’s.

Joker stood back and watched the chaos ensue with satisfaction. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of reddish brown hair stream down the hall adjacent to the back room. He made eye contact with Frost who caught on fast. They both went in different directions to seal off both ends of the hall.

Sofia and her bodyguard were trapped in the middle. Sofia dashed back into her office while the bodyguard blocked the doorway. He went to fire at Joker but Joker was too fast and killed the bodyguard with a quick flick of his pistol. 

Joker came inside and slammed the door shut, locking it. Frost stayed out and went back to overseeing the goons. Sofia crouched behind her desk in fear. 

“J-Joker, please! I’m sorry about having your girl killed, honest! Maybe we cut a deal- Aaaah!”

Joker didn’t even let her finish. He grabbed her by her hair and pulled her close to his face. He unsheathed his knife and held it between her lips. Trembling with pure rage, he steadied his hand and bared the knife down on her cheek.

“You…took…EVERYTHING from me! She was innocent! She was not involved with any of this! How the hell did you even find her?!”

When Joker got this angry, he sounded demonic. Sofia’s eyes widened in fear. She gasped for air as Joker switched his other hand from her hair to her throat.

“ANSWER ME!”

Sofia cringed. “I…I have my s-sources.” She sputtered.

Joker took a deep breath to calm down and tightened his grip around her neck. 

“I’ve, uh, tolerated our little war over the years, taking hit after hit. You were a hated enemy but not my biggest concern. Now you’ve really gone and done it. I will not ignore you this time.” 

Sofia grunted and tried to wriggle free from his grip. Joker grinned sadistically. 

“You really need to smile more. Here…let me help!” 

He pressed his knife down and sliced upwards. Sofia cried out in pain. Joker laughed maniacally and loosened his grip on her. She kneed him in the groin and pushed him away. Joker brushed it off and shoved her to the ground. She grabbed his leg and pulled him down with her. They fought for what felt like forever. Punching, kicking, pulling hair, whatever they had to do to keep the other down. Sofia was a broad, muscular woman so she put up a good fight against Joker.

Finally Joker managed to gain the upper hand and pinned her down. He drew his pistol and pressed it to her temple. Sofia’s eyes widened in horror. Joker wasted no time and pulled the trigger. Blood splattered on the floor and her body went limp.

Joker stood up and decided this was enough. He left the office and went back to where the shootout was happening. There were still some of Sofia’s men left. Joker got in on the shooting and killed four of them. Frost took care of the rest. Joker gave him the signal for the next step of the plan. 

“Everybody out! Unless you wanna be burned to a crisp!” Frost shouted to the remaining goons.

They hurried out and piled back into the cars. Frost grabbed two gas cans sitting on the steps outside and handed one to Joker. They both poured them around the building, in every room. Joker purposely dumped some on Sofia’s body. 

He threw a few lit matches down on the ground to get the fire started. Then, once he and Frost were out on the steps, he took a grenade out of his coat, pulled the pin, and chucked it inside. 

Joker and Frost sprinted back to the car. Frost hopped in the driver seat and sped away. The others had already left. Joker looked over his shoulder at the burning building in the distance. It was completely engulfed in flames. He felt content with this outcome.

He successfully avenged you but he’d never be the same again.

So good news y’all. Remember how I said I planned on writing a fic about Joker’s past? Well I have it outlined and I’m ready to start. I’m not sure when though since I have other WIPs on my plate. Two reader oneshots (I’m working on one of them now) and a few Harley oneshots (I’m making a series out of them. They take place right after Fire Meet Gasoline.) Although I guess I could work on that and J’s fic at the same time? Idk we’ll see.

Anyway I’m really excited about this. It’s going to be long and very detailed. It might be my best work yet. I hope so. I’m not sure when I’ll get the first chapter up. Hopefully soon.

Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter One - Jack

Warnings: Child abuse, domestic violence, alcoholism

Chapter Summary: Jack is introduced and we get a glimpse into his childhood and teen years.

Author’s Note: I finally finished the first chapter and came up with a title! (Title may change because it’s kinda dumb. I was scraping my brain for ideas okay) Anyway the first chapter came out shorter than I expected but the next chapters should be a lot longer 🤞 I’m super excited about this story! I’ve been planning this for a while. I hope you enjoy <3

Next >

The cool night air blew in Jack’s face as he whizzed down the pavement on his skateboard. He was on the main road but he didn’t care. Nobody was out during this time of night. 

The small town was quiet. Businesses were closed and porch lights were on. The only sounds to be heard were crickets chirping and the flickering gas station lights at the end of the road. 

Jack came out here often to get away and clear his head. He loved to skateboard and he was good at it too. He didn’t like skating with the other kids in town so he stayed clear of the rink. The streets were his safe haven.

He glanced down at his watch and decided it was time to head home. His mom would be worried. He shifted his weight to his back foot on the tail of the board, braked, and turned around.

He dreaded the thought of going back. His father would be home. No doubt yelling at his mother for something she did “wrong.” There was no telling what kind of mess he would walk into once he got home.

He left the main road and turned onto his street. It wasn’t long before he reached his house. The house was one story tall and painted white with a front deck built by his father. The deck had withered and rotted with time. Some of the boards were missing. His father had yet to fix it. Their home was plain but got the job done for a family of three people. 

Jack went around back where his bedroom window was. He pushed the window open and tossed his skateboard onto his bed. Then he hoisted himself up and climbed inside. He closed the window, listening intently to his parents in the kitchen.

Just as he predicted his father was shouting at his mother again. From the sound of his voice Jack could tell he was drunk. What else was new? 

“Why is the food cold?!” His father yelled.

“You told me you would be home at 6. You got here at 9:30.” His mother told him calmly.

Jack heard a loud smack and his mother scream. That was his que. He cracked his door open and stuck his head out to see what was going on. His mother was on the floor and his father stood over her, beating and berating her. Jack saw enough and sprung into action.

“Leave her alone!” He shouted and shoved his father away.

The drunk then turned his anger towards Jack and shoved him to the ground. He kicked him in the stomach repeatedly. Jack grunted in pain. He assumed his usual position and curled into a ball to protect himself. 

“Scott, no! Stop! Leave him out of this!” His mother cried but was ignored. 

“Shut up, you stupid bitch!” Scott shouted and didn’t hold back beating his son.

Eventually he became bored and stopped. He turned to his wife and snarled, “I’m goin’ out. Next time you better do as I tell you.”

With that he stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Once Jack was sure he was gone, he uncurled himself and rolled onto his back. He closed his eyes and sighed. His mother, Jacqueline, sat upright and gazed at her son sadly.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

Jack smiled softly. “I wanted to.”

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

“Eh, I’ll probably have bruises later but I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me.”

“I have every reason to worry about you. Come here.” 

Jack crawled over to his mom and she pulled him into a hug. She kissed his cheek. 

“I love you so much. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. It isn’t your fault.”

“It’s not yours either, mama. He’s just an asshole.” 

Jacqueline eyed him for cursing but agreed nonetheless. Jack rested his head on her shoulder. She stroked his long brown hair and laughed to herself.

“What?” Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You need a haircut.” Jacqueline told him and pointed to his curly strands cascading past his shoulder blades.

“Nope. I’m keeping it this way for as long as I can.” 

“Uh huh. What are you gonna do when you enlist?”

“Cut it off since I have to. But once I get out I’m growing it back.” 

Jacqueline shook her head. She glanced up at the time.

“You better get to sleep. It’s getting late.”

Jack nodded and helped his mother stand up. She kissed his cheek one more time and then they retreated to their bedrooms for the night. 

Jack stripped down to just his t-shirt and boxers. After moving his skateboard from his bed to the floor, he climbed into bed and curled up underneath the covers. It felt good to finally lay down. He was exhausted. 

It hurt a little to lay on his side because of the bruises that were now forming but he was used to it. There was rarely a night where Jack slept without any discomfort. His father had been beating him for as long as he could remember.

The booze wasn’t entirely to blame. Scott Napier was extremely short tempered and quick to violence. The alcohol only heightened it. How his mother ended up with him Jack never knew. Most likely it was one of those situations where someone doesn’t realize they’re in an abusive relationship until it’s too late.

Jack closed his eyes and tried to forget about his father so he could fall asleep. He often tried to block out the abuse but each time Scott beat him, it brought back the memories all over again. Sometimes in the form of nightmares and other times through random flashbacks throughout the day.

He was 17 now and becoming a young man but that didn’t stop him from wanting to curl up underneath his covers and cry himself to sleep like he did when he was younger.

He rolled onto his back and gazed at the ceiling, lost in thought.

“My leg hurts, Mommy.” Jack whimpered into his mother’s chest. 

“I know, baby. Mommy’s doing the best she can.” Jacqueline said as she bandaged the cut on Jack’s small leg caused by another one of Scott’s violent outbursts.

She finished the wrap and kissed it. “There, all better.”

…

“Come here you little shit!” Scott shouted and grabbed Jack by his shirt. 

He pulled him close and struck his face. Then he hurled him into the wall. Jack got his breath back and crawled underneath his bed. He gasped when Scott grabbed his ankle and dragged him back out. Scott kicked him in the side repeatedly and then resorted to using his fists. Jack cried and begged for him to stop.

“There you go with that crying again! You’re just like your fucking mother!” Scott bellowed and kicked him hard, knocking him over.

Jack curled in on himself and sobbed.

“Stay in here and cry then!” 

The door slammed and Jack was alone.

Jack sat straight up and brought himself back to the present. He breathed in shakily and slicked his hair back. The memories always kept him awake when he should be sleeping. After taking a few minutes to calm himself, he was finally able to clear his head and lay back down. Before he knew it, the comforting embrace of sleep took over and Jack was out like a light.

Anon, I love you 💜

Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Two - Feels Better In My Head

Warnings: Child abuse, domestic violence, alcoholism

Chapter Summary: Jack hates school and his father. Life sucks and nowhere feels truly safe. He desperately wants a way out...

Author’s Note: I finally got this done! It took me forever. I kept getting stuck towards the middle part. Also, I felt like the last chapter was way too short so this one is a little longer. Anyway I hope you enjoy! <3

Do you guys want a taglist for this series? I'd be happy to add you.

< Previous - Next >

Jack woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon frying. His mother always got up early to cook breakfast. That was his alarm clock.

He yawned and crawled out of bed to get dressed. He kept on the same black t-shirt and pulled on a pair of khaki green cargo pants. He glanced over at his backpack tossed carelessly on the floor next to his nightstand and groaned. He knew he should probably go to school today. He’d already missed so much this year and his mother would pester him about it if he didn’t.

Jack picked up the backpack and stuffed its contents that fell out back in. He grabbed his sketchbook and his Polaroid camera from his dresser and packed them as well. There was no telling when inspiration would strike. He zipped the bag shut and slung it over his shoulder.

Cautiously, Jack walked from his room into the kitchen just in case Scott was still home. Jacqueline noticed him out of the corner of her eye. 

“It’s okay. He’s at work.”

Jack relaxed and sat down at the table. It was a sad fact that he felt the most at ease when his father wasn’t home. Jacqueline finished off the bacon and brought it over. Jack snagged a few pieces as she turned to the refrigerator to get something to drink. She returned to the table with a carton of orange juice and sat down next to her son.

“Please go to school today, Jack.” Jacqueline said as she poured him some orange juice.

“I will. But I have to leave early because Mike needs me in the shop today.” Jack told her as he gulped down the juice. 

Jacqueline sighed and swept her frizzy blonde curls out of her face. “Okay. At least you’re getting some education today. I just wish you would apply yourself more.”

“I don’t need school, mama. It’s dumb. I’m never gonna use any of it in the real world.”

“It never hurt anybody to be educated,” she kissed his forehead, “Now get going or you’re gonna be late. I love you.”

“Love you too.” Jack replied through a mouthful of bacon as he grabbed his stuff and went out the door.

He climbed into his black pickup truck parked under the carport and started off to school. He mentally prepared himself as he drove. It had been three days since he last went. He was really enjoying the small break but his mom wanted him to go and he didn’t want to disappoint her.

Jack made it to the school and walked in, keeping his head down and avoiding people. He didn’t have any friends. There were a few acquaintances sure, but no one he really hung around or talked to regularly. He was a loner. On days he did attend the whole day, he spent the lunch period by himself and his breaks drawing in his sketchbook.

As depressing as it seemed, it didn’t bother him. He liked being alone.

Jack entered his homeroom and sat down at his desk in the back. He took out a pencil and the notebook he needed and sat them in front of him. This was his first period class, boring as usual. He had no interest in algebra. Too many formulas and confusing rules. So he did what he normally did and doodled in his math notebook instead of taking notes.

His next class, chemistry, was just as hard for him but slightly piqued his interest. Learning about different chemicals and how things worked fascinated him. Especially when they got to talk about radiation and explosions. But today was just bookwork and Jack was bored out of his mind. 

Two more hours and I can get out of here…

The last class before lunch was English. Jack hated this subject. It was the most boring out of all his classes, his teacher was awful, and he wasn’t good at reading. 

To pass the time, he actually did his work but it was half-assed. He really could care less about schoolwork. Some things he genuinely didn’t understand but he still could’ve put in a little more effort. 

Finally, the lunch bell rang and Jack didn’t hesitate darting from the classroom to the parking lot. He made it back to his truck and left the school grounds in the dust, eager to get to work.

He loved his job. Mike was an awesome guy to work for. It didn’t pay much but it was a good first job. Jack helped out in Mike’s repair shop by sweeping, moving equipment, handing him parts, etc.

Jack arrived at the shop and parked out front. He walked around back to the garage where Mike usually was. Mike was a middle aged guy in his late 40s. He was bald, stout, and a little on the shorter side with a graying, bushy brown beard. He had become somewhat of a mentor to Jack over the years. 

Today Mike was underneath a small red car fixing something. He noticed Jack and slid out, chuckling. “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” 

“I was but Mom said I could leave early for work.” 

“Now why do I feel like that’s a half truth? Eh, it doesn't matter to me. It’s not my education you're screwing with.”

“Pfft. I don’t care about school. It’s so dumb. I probably learn more here than I do there.” 

Mike shrugged. “I got some stuff for you to do. There’s a few boxes out front with the new tools in them. Move them back here and put them where they go. Then I need you to sweep around the garage. It’s getting filthy.”

Jack nodded and got right to work. He went back to the front and found the boxes sitting at the door. They were unopened and quite heavy but nothing Jack couldn’t lift. He brought them back to the garage and set them down next to the metal cabinets. After opening them, he put all the tools where they belonged and threw away the boxes. Then he grabbed a broom and started sweeping. Dust, dirt, debris, trash, leaves, etc. littered the concrete floors. 

Man, I can’t even remember the last time I swept. This is disgusting. Jack thought as he tossed the dustpan on the floor and swept the pile of filth he created into the pan. 

Mike’s radio played in the background and Jack nodded quietly along with the music. For over an hour he swept and swept until the floor was finally clean. He dumped the last pile into the trash and propped the broom against the wall, admiring his work. He knew having the shop clean and organized would help out Mike a lot.

Mike looked up from his work and laughed. “Done already? Well, I guess I could teach you how to put in a new transmission. Come here and I’ll show you.”

After an interesting lesson from Mike and a few more hours of odd jobs around the shop, it was time for Jack to go home. He glanced at his watch as he walked back to his truck. He was about to open the door when a glimmer of light caught his eye. 

A brown glass bottle was laying in the ditch near the road. He paused for a moment, lost in thought. Suddenly a childhood memory hit him at full speed and there was no stopping it.

Crash! 

Glass was sent everywhere as Jack tumbled to the floor. He clutched the back of his head, blood pooling into his hands. He burst into tears as any eight year old would in this terrifying situation. His mother, hearing the commotion, came running into the kitchen. She ignored her seething husband for once and knelt next to her son, peeling away his hands and accessing the wound. 

Jaqueline whipped around to face the man responsible, unusually fearless. “Did you do this to him?!” 

“Pshhh. So what if I did? The little brat deserved it.” The drunk slurred. 

“He needs a hospital, Scott!” 

“You ain’t taking him nowhere! He’ll live.” Scott bellowed.

Jacqueline huffed, picked up Jack, and whisked him away to the bathroom where she could treat the wound to the best of her ability. She took a washcloth and ran it under some warm water. Then she fanned out his curls surrounding the gash and cleaned it up with the washcloth. She wiped his bloody hands clean and picked what glass she could out of his hair and the wound. Jack whimpered in pain.

“Shhh. It’s okay, sunshine. It’s okay. Mama’s got this taken care of.” Jacqueline reassured him gently.

Once she got the wound clean, she bandaged it and carried Jack to his room. She put him to bed and kissed him goodnight. Jack’s memory of that night faded from there.  

Jack blinked and brought himself back. He sighed and got in the driver’s seat. Before he went home, he wanted to ride around for a bit. He went straight through town and then took a few backroads. He ended up on the main road again out in the countryside. Nothing was out there except the forest and occasional billboards. His hometown truly was in the middle of nowhere.

A nice photo opportunity came up so Jack pulled over in a field nearby. There was a beautiful view of the sunset with the trees underneath. He fished his Polaroid out his backpack and hopped out of the truck. He lowered the tailgate and sat down, positioning his camera into the perfect place. When he got the shot he wanted, he set the camera down and laid back, gazing at the sky. 

He wished he could stay here forever lost in his head instead of going home. He dreaded school and he dreaded his house. The only true safe place was going out alone. The streets were once again his safe haven. 

Jack finally got a hold of himself and realized how much had passed. As much as he hated to, he really needed to get home. He put the tailgate up and climbed back in. The drive back home was the same as every other day yet he cringed at each familiar landmark he passed and every curve he rounded. Today he was feeling particularly uneasy about going home.

He turned down his street and pulled into his driveway, parking under the carport. His father wasn’t home yet. 

Thank God. 

As he walked up to the front porch, Jack noticed a pair of glowing yellow eyes underneath the deck. He smiled, knowing exactly who they belonged to. 

“Luna, come on out girl. It’s okay.” He coaxed the creature. 

A gray cat shimmied out from under the porch and stretched. She meowed and rubbed up against Jack's legs, purring contently. 

The neighborhood Jack lived in had a lot of stray cats. He loved animals and they loved him. He enjoyed all the cats he came across but he had a special bond with Luna. She wasn’t technically his cat since she moved throughout the neighborhood but she always found her way back to his house at some point.

Jack reached into his backpack and produced a plastic bag filled with cat treats. He always kept some on him in case he ran into a stray. He grabbed two treats out and sat them down in front of Luna. She nibbled at them gratefully and meowed her thanks. 

Jack pet her a few more times before walking up the stairs and entering the house. Jacqueline was in the kitchen washing dishes. Jack could smell dinner cooking. His mother turned around and her face lit up when she saw him. 

“Hi sweetie! How was your day?”

“Eh, it was alright. School was pretty boring.” 

“Ha. I figured you’d say that. Here, wash up and help me with the dishes.”

…

After Jack helped with washing the dishes and set up the table, the food was ready. Jacqueline took it out of the oven and placed it on the table. As soon as they sat down, Scott came stumbling through the door. The atmosphere in the house suddenly became tense and Jack could feel the temperature drop a few degrees.

“H-hi honey. Dinner’s ready.” Jacqueline said meekly.

Scott smirked. “Heh, you did something right for a change.” 

He sat down across from his wife and fixed his plate. Once again Jack was stuck in the middle. He felt his blood boil at his father's haughty attitude. His mom worked so hard for her no good husband only to be treated like dirt. 

“How was your day, son?” 

“Fine.” Jack replied shortly. He was repulsed by that horrible man calling him son.

Scott nodded half heartedly and turned to Jacqueline. “I’m glad we didn’t have a repeat of last night, dear.”

Jacqueline just looked down timidly. How could he be so cruel? Jack couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer.

“Last night would never have happened if you came home on time instead of going out drinking.” 

Jacqueline's eyes widened in fear. She glanced at Jack, silently pleading with him to be quiet. It was too late. Scott stood up, knocking his chair over, and loomed over Jack. 

“What was that, boy?”

Jack just stared back at him unafraid. Scott slapped him hard across the face and sent him to the floor. It all happened so fast, Jack could barely think. Before he knew it, Scott was kicking him in the side until his surge of rage subsided. Jack gasped as the wind was knocked out of him.

Finally Scott stopped and glared down at him angrily. “Don’t you ever question what I do with my time again! It’s none of your business.” 

With that he sat down again and went back to eating, completely ignoring his beaten son lying on the floor. All Jack could do was lay there and cry silently. He couldn’t wait until he could finally get away from this hellhole. It would come at a cost but to him it was worth it.

The amount of research I'm gonna have to do for these upcoming chapters... 😒

Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Three - Leaving Home

Warnings: None

Chapter Summary: Jack, now 18, leaves home and joins the army.

Author's Notes: I know there are a lot of time skips in this chapter but I really don’t know enough about the military to give a quality depiction and plus I’m lazy :P There will be more length in the coming chapters I swear 😭 I literally had no motivation for this one. I kept telling myself to just make it to at least 1k words. It's gonna get good guys I promise. Just trust the process 😅

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie

If anyone else would like to be added please let me know! <333

< Previous - Next >

1 Year Later 

Long brown curls fell to the bathroom tiles as Jack cut his hair. With each snip it pained him to watch them go but it had to be done. Rules were rules.

A year ago Jack’s last summer at home was spent enjoying himself while he could. He filled up his sketchbook to the brim with his drawings and the photos he took. When the book was finished, he stored it in the top drawer of his nightstand. He thought maybe it could be something to look back on when he came back home. 

He also did some odd jobs around the house that needed to be done years ago. He repainted the small tool shed in the backyard and redecked the front porch. His father was actually appreciative of Jack’s work. Lazy bum.

After that school started back again. Jack made an effort to do better his senior year so he could at least graduate. He succeeded and completed school with grades that weren’t exactly the greatest but he still managed to earn a high school diploma. His mother was so proud.

Skateboarding became his nightly routine. He wore the tires out trying to get as much out of the board as he possibly could. He knew it was probably going to be a while before he would skate again.

Currently he was preparing to leave. In a few weeks, he would be sent off to Fort Leonard Wood for basic training. He had to get everything in order before he left. It wasn’t stressful but it was still a lot for him to take in since he was still so young. He’d only been a legal adult for a few months and already he was beginning to see why older people always said to enjoy being a kid while you can.

Jack put the scissors down and grabbed a razor from the cabinet. He turned it on and cleaned up the sloppy mess of hair the scissors left behind, ending up with a decent crew cut.

He examined himself in the mirror. It was like a stranger was staring back at him. He had always kept his hair longer than most boys, letting the messy curls flow freely. Having hair this short felt so foreign but he would have to get used to it for a while.

“Ugh. I hate this.” He grumbled.

A feminine laugh startled him and he turned to see his mother standing in the doorway. 

“I think it’s very handsome. It makes you look so grown up.” Jacqueline complimented him as she dusted his hair off the back of his shirt.

Jack just shrugged and grabbed a broom to sweep up the mess on the floor.

…

The day was finally here. It was time for Jack to head out for boot camp. As his mother drove, he sat in the passenger seat of his truck with mixed emotions. On one hand he was excited to leave his old life back home and experience new things in the army, but on the other hand the next 10 weeks were going to be rough. It would be a true test of his endurance. 

The more he thought about it, he wasn’t that worried since it couldn’t be any worse than what he dealt with at home. His father yelled and screamed at him his whole life. He was used to it. The drill sergeants would be no different, minus the brutal beatings of course. He could do this. 

Soon they reached the place Jack was supposed to meet at for transportation. Jacqueline parked the truck and turned to her son warmly.

“Jack, you’re the bravest guy I know. You’re gonna be fine.”

“Thanks Mama.” Jack mumbled with a small smile.

Jacqueline pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. “Be safe. I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

He grabbed his duffel and out the door he went. Jacqueline watched him approach the bus station and couldn’t help but sigh. Her little boy was all grown up.

…

Saying basic training was rough was an understatement. 

It was the most grueling 10 weeks of his life. Jack didn’t really consider himself to be athletic but he was at least in good shape. Even then he still struggled to keep up with the amount of work exerted on his body. It was utterly exhausting.

Jack was wrong about the yelling being like what he was used to. At least at home he could find ways to get away from it. There was no escape at basic. It was constant. And instead of one person getting in his face it was three or four. His shyness didn’t do him any favors. Joining the army really forced him out of his comfort zone. 

At the start Jack regretted his decision to enlist in the first place and cursed himself for not thinking it through. But now that basic was over, he felt a sense of accomplishment and actually started to like this new chapter of his life.

…

Months later

Jack leaned against the wall, taking a long drag from his cigarette. He exhaled and stared intently at his watch wishing the time would go by faster. He took up smoking after basic when he was stationed at Fort Benning. It gave him extra energy and kept him awake on hard days. 

Today was definitely one of those days. He’d been up since about 0300 and wouldn’t be returning to the barracks until 2300. PT was more strenuous than usual and then it was nonstop work all day. Things were finally beginning to slow down but there was still an hour left until the day was over. It felt like time was slowly creeping by.

To pass the time, Jack glanced up at the TV in the middle of the lobby. Like always the news was on, this time showing unrest in the Middle East. 

Jack shook his head. The possibility of approaching conflict loomed in the air, creating unease among both the inexperienced and experienced soldiers. Jack didn't mind entertaining the thought of going to war. He would do what he had to do. But there was still a trace of fear that lingered with him.

Almost like his gut knew.

Dress Shopping

Ledger!Joker x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: After y/n orders a dress that doesn't fit, her insecurities about her body take over. Luckily Joker knows just what to do to help. Part 2 for Just The Way You Are

Author's Note: I had so much fun writing this! J is such a sweetheart when he wants to be 🥰 So much of myself is portrayed here but I know other people can relate to this too. As always enjoy! <3

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @unholiiness

If anybody else would like to be added let me know! :)

Things were not improving. Every time you tried to stay on a workout routine, you ended up falling off. You and J had successfully switched over to healthier eating habits. But you failed to lose any weight. It was driving you crazy. Joker reminded you that these things take time and to have patience. It didn't stop you from being depressed.

You had an outing with some friends in a few days so you bought a dress online. You loved it so much and couldn't wait to wear it out. When it finally came in the mail, you rushed to your bedroom to try it on. It was a struggle. Eventually, you got it on you and looked at yourself in the mirror.

All the negative emotions came surging back at full force. Your eyes welled up. The dress looked so good by itself but on you, it just looked so…ugly.

You sat down on the bed and pulled your knees up to your chest, burying your head into your arms. Tears poured down your cheeks as you let out hiccuping sobs.

Joker was in the living room but he must've heard you because within seconds he came rushing in to see what was wrong. His bunny was crying and he couldn’t stand it.

He sat down beside you and put an arm around your shoulder.

“Hey hey hey. What’s wrong, y/n?”

“My dress barely fits me and I look so ugly!” You cried.

“Bunny, how many times do I gotta tell ya? You are not ugly. Look at me.” 

You looked up at your clown, tears still streaming down your face. He lifted your chin and stared into your e/c eyes.

“You are beautiful. I don’t ever want to hear that you’re not. M’kay?” J told you and kissed your cheek.

“B-But it’s just that I’ve tried so h-hard and nothing’s working.” You sobbed.

Joker rubbed circles on your back. “I know, bunny. You’ve just gotta keep at it. These things take time.”

“I wanted to fit into this dress so bad. It was so pretty…but not on me.”

“Stand up and let me see it.”

You slid off of J’s lap and stood in front of him. He looked you over and shrugged.

“I don’t see anything wrong with it. Are ya comfortable in it?”

“No. It’s so tight.” 

“Then just send it back and order a size up. It’s okay.”

“It’s not going to get here in time. I need it for an outing with my friends.”

Joker thought for a moment. He knew what would help but cringed at the thought. He really would do anything for you.

“Wanna go out and buy a dress?” He suggested.

“J, I hate trying on clothes in stores. And I thought you hated shopping. You mean you actually want to go out in public, Mr. Antisocial?” You teased him.

“Ha. Very funny. I do hate it. People, uh, annoy me. A lot. But I would move heaven and earth just to see you happy. I hate watchin’ you cry over this. I wanna make ya feel special.” 

“Aww, J. Let’s go then. It’s not often that I get to go out with you.” You said happily and darted over to your closet to get changed. 

Joker didn’t see the need to change. He was wearing a pair of dark gray slacks (that had honestly seen better days) and a black t-shirt topped with a deep purple flannel. He grabbed his brown scarf from the dresser and positioned it around his neck. While the two of you were out in public, he would pull it up over his face to hide his scars. 

Meanwhile, you were in the closet picking out your outfit. You chose a green hoodie and your most comfortable pair of black shorts. You left your hair down and didn’t bother with makeup. J liked your natural look anyway. 

Once the two of you were ready, Joker led you by the hand out of the apartment building. When you reached the main lobby, J pulled his scarf over his face and slipped out undetected. Out into the street you went, holding hands while walking down the sidewalk. 

You admired Joker for branching out with you today. You knew how much he hated to go out and be normal so this was a lot for him to willingly go without being asked. That let you know how much he truly loved you.

Once you arrived inside the mall, you let out a startled gasp as Joker grabbed your hand and practically dragged you towards your favorite store. 

“None of this lookin’ around and distracting yourself. We’re getting a dress then we’re getting out.” J growled in your ear.

You chuckled knowing he was probably hating this already. The poor thing couldn’t handle a lot of people and noise in one sitting. There were children running around screaming in the play area, babies crying, loud obnoxious groups of women walking past, etc.

Joker finally let go when you reached the store and let you lead the way. You walked towards the back of the store where the dresses were. As you browsed through them, you sighed in disappointment. Once again everything was way too small or way too big.

Joker looked up from the dress he was examining. “What’s wrong?” 

You groaned in frustration. “This happens every time! It’s either too small or too big. I mean they have a XXS but not a (insert size)?!” 

“We’ve only been here a few minutes, doll. I’m sure you’ll find something. What color are you thinking?”

“Yeah, you’re right. Um, purple if I can find it.”

“Purple’s a good color.” Joker said with a hum and moseyed back to the clothing rack he was sifting through.

Thirty minutes passed and you still didn’t find anything. You came close with a casual green dress but when you tried it on, it didn’t fit. You were ready to give up at this point. Just as you were about to turn to J and tell him to forget it, he tugged your arm and pulled you towards a ruffled lilac dress hidden in a corner.

“Oh, it’s perfect. How did we miss this?” You wondered aloud, clutching the soft fabric.

“What are you waitin’ on? Go try it on.” Joker said, raising an eyebrow.

You turned away and stared down at the tiled floor. “What’s the point? I probably won’t be able to wear it anyway. It’s what I get for being so out of the norm.” 

Joker grabbed your shoulders and gave you a stern look. “Y/n, listen to me, stop beating yourself up about this. Who cares if you’re ‘out of the norm’? The norm is subjective. I know you’re concerned about your health and that’s great. But you’re taking steps to be better and that’s all you can do. Your weight doesn’t matter to me and it shouldn’t to anybody else. It’s none of their business. You are beautiful just the way you are. Now go try that dress on. I’m sure it’s gonna look amazing.” 

You smiled and grabbed the dress from the rack. “Alright. I’ll give it a shot. Thanks, J.”

You entered the dressing room, leaving Joker to keep browsing mindlessly through the dresses. He wouldn’t outwardly show it but he was anxiously hoping you wouldn’t take too long. Stores absolutely nauseated him. God forbid an employee come up and talk to him. He shuddered at the thought. 

His relief came a few minutes later when you came out of the dressing room radiating with joy. 

“J, it fits so well! I was so worried I wasn’t going to find anything.” You exclaimed.

“Phew. I’m glad, bunny. So can we go now? I can’t take this much longerrr.” Joker whined.

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, we can go now. Jeez, it’s like your being subjected to torture.”

“Shopping is torture.” Joker muttered as you both approached the register.

“Find everything okay?” The overly cheerful cashier asked.

You and J exchanged glances.

“Sure.” You answered, still salty about the store not having enough of your size.

After you paid for the dress, you left the store holding Joker’s hand and at his request, made a quick stop at the food court for ice cream. J got his favorite, strawberry, and you got (insert fav ice cream flavor). 

“Thanks for going with me, J. You always know how to make me feel better.” You thanked your clown as you walked out of the mall into the street.

Joker just nodded in response. Once you both were away from the crowds, he pulled you aside, lowered his scarf slightly, and kissed you. And he says he’s not romantic. You thought as you threw your arms around his neck.

“When we get back home you can model that pretty dress for me. How’s that sound?” Joker purred in your ear.

You giggled and yanked his scarf back up. “Can’t wait.”

Red Silk

Ledger!Joker x Nolanverse!Harley - Oneshot

Warnings: Violence, murder, just J things, implied smut

Summary: Harleen makes her debut as Harley Quinn and now that they have officially declared themselves a couple, Joker starts to show her more and more of his romantic side. Takes place directly after Fire Meet Gasoline.

Author's Note: OH MY GOD. This was supposed to be done 3 weeks ago. The procrastination struggle is real. Anyway this is the oneshot that goes with this art I posted. I’ve had that specific scene in my head forever so I needed to write it out. As always enjoy! <3

Joker helped Harley down from the stairs and led her by the hand through the alleyway.

"What are we doing?" Harley asked him quietly.

"We're going to blow something up.”

Harley raised an eyebrow. Before Joker could respond, a car skidded to a halt in front of them. He ushered her into the back seat with him. The driver glanced into the mirror, making eye contact with Joker. He eyed Harley suspiciously.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, Frost. She’s with me.”

The driver, Frost, nodded but still seemed wary of the newcomer. Harley eyed him right back, observing him. He had shaggy brown hair, sharp blue eyes, and a little stubble on his chin. He looked hardened and experienced, a lot like Joker sometimes did without his makeup.

After an awkward silence, Joker cleared his throat. “Uh, I guess I should introduce ya. Harley, this is Frost, my most trusted right hand man. Frost, this is Harley. She’s that girl I’ve been telling you about.” 

“Nice to meet ya.” Frost said gruffly as he started the car up.

They drove in silence for a while. Joker fidgeted with his knife, flicking open and closed. He seemed antsy, like he couldn’t wait to get where they were going. Harley still had no clue what was happening.

“J, what are we doing?” She finally asked.

“We are destroying a club owned by what’s left of that hot headed Gambol’s organization. After I killed the idiot, his whole operation went to shit and there’s been a power struggle since then. My guys took a hit a few weeks ago when they attacked us on our own turf. Time for some payback.” 

Frost grumbled in agreement. 

“So what’s the plan?”

“We’ll go inside and mess around with ‘em a little bit. Then attack and kill the goons and the leader. When we come out, the button gets pressed and the whole place goes up in smoke. I’ve already planted the explosives.” Joker explained in between gleeful giggles.

Harley’s eyes widened and she gulped. She didn’t know if she could stomach that or not. Joker seemed to catch on to her discomfort.

“Remember our deal, Harley. I warned you it was gonna be like this. You can stay in the car if you don’t want to do this anymore.”

Harley thought for a moment, took a deep breath, and confidently shook her head. This was her chance and she was not gonna blow it.

“No. I’ll be alright.”

“You sure?” 

“Yes, J. I’m sure.”

Just as she said that, Frost stopped the car in an alleyway across from an old looking building. Joker stepped out and grabbed Harley’s hand, helping her out of the vehicle. They approached the back door with Frost leading the way.

Joker leaned down and whispered to Harley, “Stay behind me. Just watch and learn. Oh and here…”

He reached into his pocket and produced the detonator. He handed it to Harley. 

“I want ya to press the button when we come out. Okay?”

Harley nodded. Frost kicked the door in and stepped aside. Joker waltzed right in like he owned the place with Harley following timidly behind. 

The usually lively club was closed for the night due to a meeting that was being held by the group’s leader, Little G, Gambol’s nephew. The men seated at the table looked up from their heated discussions in surprise. They drew their weapons instinctively and eyed the clown with disgust. Joker threw his hands up innocently and smiled.

“Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. There’s no need for all that. I’m just here to talk.”

“Then talk, you fuckin’ psycho.” Little G spat. 

Harley saw a glint of irritation in Joker’s eyes at being called a psycho but he just brushed it off with another charming smile. 

“It’s, uh, my understanding that you took out a chunk of my guys a few weeks back. Why would you, uh, do such a thing?” 

Little G ignored his question and finally noticed Harley lingering behind Joker. 

“Who’s the little lady?”

Harley narrowed her eyes. Men. Always underestimating her.

“This is my new partner, Harley Quinn. She decided to join me for tonight’s little outing. Now, you didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t know, man. Why you gotta come on my turf startin’ shit?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

Joker started advancing towards the table with Frost close behind. The men with guns grew nervous and shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly, on the side closest to Frost, a younger guy’s finger slipped and fired a wild shot in the air. Then the chaos ensued. 

Harley ducked for cover. She watched in awe as Joker and Frost took out the slew of men in a matter of minutes, dodging swarms of bullets and shooting with such precision. 

One henchman dawdling in the back lunged at Harley with a knife. She dodged, knocked it out of his hand, and kicked him in the face forcefully with the hard toe of her boot, causing the man to fall backwards unconscious. Joker saw and smiled approvingly at Harley. 

Once all the goons were dead, Little G stood up with a snarl of rage and attempted to shoot but Joker was one step ahead and shot him in the neck. He fell back into his chair, blood spewing out everywhere. Joker and Frost bolted towards the door and Harley darted out behind them. The three climbed into the car and Frost sped away immediately.  

“Now Harley!” Joker shouted.

Harley pressed the button. The building instantly exploded. Joker and Harley whipped around to watch through the back windshield. Harley with wide eyes and Joker with manic glee. He cackled as he watched the flames consume the club in the distance. He didn’t turn around until the explosion couldn’t be seen anymore.

Harley’s heart was still racing. She’d never felt so alive. It was absolutely exhilarating.

Joker was so proud of his girl. He would never forget the fire he saw in her sapphire eyes as she knocked the goon on his ass. It meant there was some darker, aggressive side to her that he hadn’t seen until now. He did believe that she was as innocent and sweet as she always acted but that wasn’t entirely her. 

Bringing this other side out of her would be a challenge. She’d buried her real self for so long for the sake of normalcy and professionalism. It made Joker sick to think such potential had gone to waste. Why should Harley have to hide who she is? She was perfect and he wanted all of her. Every flaw, every quirk, everything.

Confessing his feelings to her was going to be another obstacle. Then he remembered their conversation before they left the apartment.

Oh no. Did I…? Shit.

He recalled his words from earlier and nodded to himself in reassurance. He only scratched the surface of how he truly felt. He never said that he loved her. He was talking about her personality and her beauty and he said he loved that about her. He breathed a sigh of relief. 

He did love Harley. He loved her so much it made his head spin. But those three little words had a lot of meaning. He had to wait for the perfect timing. Especially since he didn’t even know how he was going to do it. The emotions he was experiencing were something strange and foreign to him. It made him feel really good but uncomfortable at the same time. Like a burning sensation that wouldn’t go away. 

Yet he wanted to say it so bad, scream it from the rooftops even, but he couldn’t do it. Everytime he tried, his mouth betrayed him.

Joker made up his mind. Tonight was the night. Screw waiting until the time was right. He was going to make it the right time. He didn’t care how, he was getting it off his chest. He couldn’t wait any longer.

The car skidded to a halt as Frost pulled up to the abandoned apartment building. Joker nodded his thanks as he and Harley got out. Frost nodded back and sped off. 

Harley chuckled and glanced up at Joker. “He’s a man of few words, huh?” 

“Yeah. Frost keeps to himself. But I’m telling ya he’s a good one. He’s been with me since the start.” 

They climbed up the ladder back to the apartment and crawled through the window. Harley landed on the floor with a thud. 

“You really need to get a door.” She complained.

Joker smirked and scooped her up into his arms.

“Harley, you were…amazing!” He exclaimed as he carried her bridal style to the bed. 

Harley giggled. “Thanks.”

It was 1 in the morning but the two clowns were far from tired. The eventful night was just getting started.

Joker laid her down gently and sat next to her, staring lovingly. “I really liked the way you knocked out that guy. I’d like to see more of that spunk from you.”

Harley blushed. “It was nothing. I just got lucky.” 

“Nah. I saw you defend yourself against those thugs in the alley. You have what it takes, you just need more practice.”

“Really? If you say so.” 

Harley turned away and started undressing, taking off the different pieces of her outfit with care. When she got to the reddish flannel, she slid it off and threw it on the couch.

“Hey, that’s mine.” Joker noticed.

“Yeah, I kinda borrowed it. Sorry.” Harley said with a sheepish smile.

“Eh, you can have it. I never wear that one anyway. Not really my color.”

Joker undressed himself next, only leaving on his purple boxers. He curled up next to Harley, resting his hand on her belly and humming a random tune softly. She felt the vibrations on her shoulder. It reminded her of a cat purring.

Glancing down at her and once again admiring how beautiful she was, Joker felt something strong take hold of him. Mixed with that and the need to confess his feelings to her, he felt like he might explode. But he had to be gentle. If he wasn’t, all their progress would be undone. 

“Harley, sweet girl, I can’t keep myself together anymore. I need ya so bad. I know last week you said that you weren’t ready for anything more yet. But, uh, do you wanna give it a try tonight?” Joker asked, treading carefully.

Harley was quiet for a while, her blue eyes were swirling with thoughts Joker couldn’t read. He inwardly cringed and hoped he didn’t upset her. Finally she looked up at him thoughtfully.

“I-I guess I’m ready now. I trust you. It’s just that… I don’t think I’ll be good enough. This would be my first time when I, um, have a choice. And to be honest, I really don’t know what to do.”

Joker fully understood the assignment now. This would essentially be her first time so it had to be perfect. He slid his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek.

“That’s okay. I can guide you. And doll, don’t ever say you’re not good enough. You are.”

“Y-You don’t think I’m dirty? Or used up?” 

“No. Not at all. And I’m not kidding when I say you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

Harley smiled to herself and rested her head on his chest. Joker’s heart raced knowing this was his moment. He had to tell her now.

“Harley, I couldn’t really articulate what I wanted to tell you before we left but um…you make me feel a certain way and I…I guess what I’m trying to say is…I love you.”

Harley looked up at him in shock. Did she hear him correctly?

“What? What did you say?” 

“I said, uh, I love you.”

Anybody else would just shrug off that statement. Those words were thrown around flippantly by people on the daily. Harley knew better. Joker was different. Emotions were a hard thing for him. For him to admit he loved someone was significant. She still couldn’t believe it.

“J…did you mean that?”

“Every word.”

Harley propped herself up and cupped Joker’s face, boring her blue eyes into his dark pools of brown. She kissed him softly and whispered, “I love you too.”

…

Groggily, Harley sat up and rubbed her eyes. The night before came back to her slowly. She blushed, realizing it was all real and not just a wonderful dream. She pulled the sheet up over her naked body and looked around. Joker slept peacefully next to her, also naked. She smiled as she stared at his unusually relaxed face. Sunlight streamed in through the curtains behind them, illuminating his now partially gone makeup.

Harley carefully got up from the bed and tiptoed to the bathroom for a shower. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and quietly gasped. Her hair was a wild, tangled mess and there were love bites and bruises lining her neck down to her abdomen. 

She thought back to last night fondly as she turned on the water. It was scary and reminded her way too much of her past experiences but in the moment Joker took it all away. She felt safe with him. He didn’t do anything without asking her first and made sure she was okay and that he wasn’t going too far. All while whispering encouragements and affections into her ear, with a gentleness that no one would expect from The Joker.

The water finally warmed up so Harley stepped into the tub and went to close the shower curtain but a hand stopped her. She peeked around the curtain and smiled softly when she saw Joker. He looked back at her with that boyish smirk of his, sending butterflies right to Harley’s stomach.

“Good mornin’.” Joker greeted her.

“Morning, J.” Harley replied sweetly.

“Mind if I join you?”

“No.” Harley said with a shrug and stepped aside so Joker could get in.

At first they stood with their backs to each other, quietly washing themselves and taking turns standing under the showerhead. Quickly growing bored, Joker decided to have some fun. He playfully spun Harley around to face him and lifted her chin, gazing into her eyes. He went in for a kiss and Harley returned the gesture, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling his hair, and clawing his skin. She bit his lower lip and swirled her tongue across the scar, making him moan faintly. She recently found out that he loved it when she did that. 

They rocked against the wall, kissing and gasping for air. They could’ve gone on like that for hours but suddenly Joker lost his footing and caused them both to fall down, hitting the tub with a splash. They stared at each other for a second and then burst out laughing.

“You idiot.” Harley teased him with a playful shove.

Joker snickered and shut off the water since it was getting cold. He helped Harley out of the tub and tossed her a towel. After they dried off, cleaned up the water in the floor, and got dressed, Joker went into the kitchen and Harley sat down at the table to braid her hair.

“Want some french toast?” Joker asked.

“Ooh, yeah. I haven’t had that in forever.” 

…

The next few days went by as another break period for Joker. He used the time to regroup his henchmen and plot and scheme. Today was different though. He was planning to do something with Harley he’d been meaning to do for a while.

Since she got evicted she’d lost all of her possessions except for that change of clothes and whatever was in her bag. Joker felt bad about her living with him without any other clothes and things of her own. So he decided to make it up to her.

When Joker told her they were going shopping, she practically squealed with delight. She was ready to go in an instant and before he could blink, she was dragging Joker down the ladder and into the alleyway. They would walk since the stores weren’t that far. Just as Harley was about to skip away, she paused and looked back at Joker.

“Hey, what about your face?” She asked.

 “Uh, what about it?” Joker retorted.

“Won’t you get recognized going out like that?”

Joker just smirked and fished a purple scarf out of his pocket. He fastened it around his neck and made it so it covered up his scars. “Tadaaa.” 

Harley felt dumb for questioning him. Of course he knew what he was doing. He lived with those scars long enough to know how to go out in public without being noticed. 

The two clasped hands and continued their walk down the sidewalk. Joker wasn’t very enthused about going shopping. He hated it intensely but he was doing this for Harley so he forced himself to tough it out. Besides, since they were officially a couple now, the apartment really needed to be upgraded. They needed a bigger bed, new sheets, new curtains, etc. Really they were both benefiting from this.

At the store Harley got the things she needed like hygiene stuff and new clothes. While they were at it they bought home essentials, including a whole new set of bedding that was a golden yellow color with a purple floral design. 

Harley pointed out they got a bigger size than the bed they had but Joker briefly explained that while they were away a few of his goons were moving a new bed into the apartment.

Once they got back to the apartment to unload everything, Harley remembered when she got evicted and the landlord had thrown everything out into the street, she hid some stuff behind the dumpster so she could come back for it. With everything that was happening lately she totally forgot. 

“J?” Harley called from the kitchen.

“Yeah?” Joker replied.

“If you don't mind, I wanna go back to my old place and check something out.”

“Anything for you, doll.”

One long taxi ride later, they were on the other side of Gotham outside Harley’s old apartment building. She walked around the side towards the alley. Joker followed her, watching their surroundings with a keen eye.

“It should be somewhere around… Ha! Right here.” Harley said as she pulled the dumpster away from the wall. 

Joker jumped in to help her. Miscellaneous things piled up behind it fell over and spilled out in front of them. Harley knelt beside the pile and started going through it.

“What exactly are you looking for?” Joker asked, leaning against the wall.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember what I hid. It was so long ago and I was in a rush.” 

“Take your time then.” 

Harley nodded, skimming through some papers and ripping a few up that had her information on them. Joker lit a cigarette while he waited for her to finish. 

After several minutes, Harley ended up with a few pieces of clothing that weren’t ruined from the elements, an envelope full of pictures, and a box of books. Joker carried the box for her since it was very heavy. They hailed another taxi and started back towards their apartment. Joker never told drivers to go to their exact location unless they were his. This time he told the driver a street across.

“I’m so happy I got my books back. Some of these I’ve had since I was a kid. I’ve always been a bookworm. I can read some to you if you want.” Harley suggested to Joker as they walked back to the apartment.

Joker hummed. “I’d love that.”

…

The next day

Harley was sitting on the new bed folding some laundry when Joker walked by all dressed up and it wasn’t his typical purple suit. He wore a lilac colored dress shirt with a black vest and black pants. He looked sharp.

“Where are you going?” Harley asked him. 

“Um, I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go with me to a place one of my guys owns. I need to scope it out anyway but I figured we could make a night out of it.” Joker said, shifting his feet anxiously.

Harley found his nervousness adorable. “Sooo like a date?”

“Yeah. A date. Unless you don’t wanna. I mean…” 

Harley rose to her feet and kissed him so he’d shut up. She pulled away with a warm smile.

“Yes, I’d love to. But what am I gonna wear? I don't have any nice clothes.”

“Don’t worry about that. I got you something while you were distracted yesterday. I just didn’t know when to give it to you.”

Joker grabbed a bag from underneath the bed and handed it to Harley. She opened it, gasping after seeing the contents. She held up a red halter dress and a pair of maroon heels.

“Oh J…it’s beautiful. I love it!” She exclaimed and gave him a big hug, practically knocking him over.

Joker chuckled. “I’m glad you like it, Harls. Now go get dressed. We need to get going soon.”

Harley ran to the bathroom with an excited noise, bag in hand. Joker rolled his eyes and sat down on the couch, waiting for her to get ready. When Harley came back out, playfully spinning in a circle, his jaw nearly dropped. He was so glad he picked that dress. It suited her so well. 

He ushered Harley towards the window so they could get going. Harley didn’t know how he expected her to climb down the ladder in heels. But she didn’t have to worry because Joker picked her up and carried her down like the gentleman he was.

There was a black car parked in the alleyway waiting on them. They got in the backseats and immediately the driver drove off. Joker didn’t even have to tell him where to go. Their destination wasn’t that far of a drive. Within 15 minutes they arrived.

The place Joker’s goon owned was to Harley’s dread a nightclub. She was bracing herself for a rowdy mob of people and loud obnoxious music. This was Joker’s idea of a date? When they got inside, Harley now saw that it was in fact a club but was actually pretty tame. There was a bar and something that resembled a dance floor but there were fewer people and the music was actually coherent songs and way quieter. This suited her much better.

As Joker went to find a place to sit down, he spotted Frost sitting at a table in the back corner. He led Harley over to a circle booth behind Frost’s table and the two of them sat down.

“I thought this was your night off, Frostie.” Joker said to the other man, looking across the room for something.

“Yeah. I’m spending it here. Can’t be too careful.” Frost replied, also scanning the room.

“Smart man.” 

Harley rolled her eyes. Something was up about this place but it didn’t matter to her. This was supposed to be a date. She hugged Joker’s arm, subtly hinting, hey, I’m still here.

Joker looked back at her and realized. “Oh, sorry Harls. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be working right now. I’ll let Frost handle it.”

Frost could be heard chuckling behind them.

“Whatcha want to eat, doll?” Joker asked, ignoring his wing man.

Harley shrugged. “I’ll eat whatever you will.”

Joker ordered some food and when it came, took off his scarf once all the wait staff was gone. They were seated in a dark back corner so no one would notice him. 

They ate the pizza and breadsticks he ordered quietly for a while. It was getting a bit awkward so Joker tried a little comedic relief. He folded a slice of pizza in half like a taco and got a laugh out of Harley.

Joker grinned. “What?”

“I’ve never seen anybody do that before. That’s kinda weird.” 

“Weird is my middle name. Wait ‘til you find out I dip pizza crust in soda.”

Harley giggled again as Joker dipped his crust into his glass of cola and took a bite. He was about to take another but saw the waitress coming in his peripheral and quickly slipped the scarf back on. She handed Joker the bill and told him where to pay. Joker nodded along but Harley knew better. As if he’d actually pay.

After the waitress left, Joker took off the scarf again. He put it in his pocket, clearly annoyed with having to keep changing.

Harley slid out of the booth. “I’ll be back. I’m going to the bathroom.”

Joker nodded. He watched Harley go and then turned to talk to Frost some more.

As Harley came out of the bathroom, she noticed decorative red silks dangling nearby. They weren’t quite aerial silks but because of her time as a gymnast, they certainly reminded her of them. She ran her fingers along the silk and got an idea. This would really get Joker’s attention. She kicked her heels off and began to climb.

Joker and Frost’s conversation was interrupted by gasps and murmurs that broke out in the club. Joker looked up to see what the deal was. He didn’t see a problem until Frost nudged him and pointed. He looked over in that direction and a smile stretched across his face. 

Oh. How could I miss that?

Harley was draped over the red silks near the dance floor, swinging gracefully along with the background music. Joker looked on, mesmerized by the beautiful sight. The red silks wrapped around her body were a brighter red than her dress and shimmered in the dim light. 

Joker forgot all about why he was at the club in the first place. His little stake out with Frost could wait. Right now his girl was begging for more of his attention. Multitasking on a date wasn’t a good idea anyway. 

He smirked and walked over, pulling his scarf back over his face. Harley hung upside down with a mischievous grin as Joker approached her.

“Hey pretty girl. How’d you learn how to do that?” Joker purred.

“I was a gymnast, remember?”

Joker nodded, remembering her telling him about her gymnastics all those nights ago when they would talk in the alleyway.

“You sure are causing a spectacle.”

“What? There weren’t any signs.” Harley said playfully.

Joker feigned a horrified gasp. “But you’re ruining the decor.”

“Pfft. I could care less. Wanna join me?”

“Uh, no. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be as graceful as you, darlin’.”

Joker lowered his scarf slightly and kissed Harley while she was still upside down. She giggled and unraveled herself from the silks, landing on her feet elegantly. 

“Let’s get out of here.” She said as she slid her heels back on.

“Yeah. This place smells of a rat.” Joker growled in a low voice.

They walked towards the exit, holding hands the whole way. Joker turned his head and gave Frost a quick glance as they passed by his table. Frost met his eyes and understood. They were totally blowing up the place later.

“Where do you wanna go now? It’s still early.” Joker asked Harley once they were back in the car.

“I don’t know. It’s really pretty out tonight. I’d love to just sit and stargaze.” Harley replied, looking out the window at the night sky.

“Okay... I know a place.” 

When the car came to a stop, Harley looked around and raised an eyebrow. “J, this is just the apartment.”

“I know. Follow me.”

Joker got out of the car and walked up to the ladder with Harley following behind. This time instead of stopping at the window, Joker kept going all the way up until they reached the roof. He plopped himself down and helped Harley up, making sure she didn’t fall. Harley wrapped her arms around his torso and held him close. She felt safer that way.

“You said you wanted to stargaze. Well, here ya go. It’s not the best view in Gotham but you can see the sky. I come up here a lot when I can't sleep. It’s a good place to think.” Joker said, putting his arm around Harley.

“It’s beautiful.” Harley responded, gazing upwards and admiring the sky.

They were quiet for a few moments, lost in thought and a sea of stars. 

“Did you like going out tonight?” Joker finally broke the silence.

“Yeah. It was fun. We should go out again sometime. Well, somewhere different since you’re gonna blow that place up.” Harley replied with a chuckle.

Joker snickered. “How did you know?”

“You and Frost kinda have this secret code where you’ll look at each other and know what it means. Plus I saw your phone in the car.” 

“Heh. You’re very observant. That’s good. In this line of work you have to pay close attention to things cause if ya don’t it could getcha killed. I got a scar to prove it.” 

“I think I can handle myself. I could fight Batman if I wanted to.” 

That made Joker really laugh. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, doll. You’re good but you still have lots more to learn. I haven’t even seen you use a gun yet.” 

“Hmph. I look forward to beating you in a shooting match then. I bet you can’t hit squat.” Harley teased, fully knowing Joker was an extremely good shot.

Joker grinned, a hint of mischief in his eyes. “Ohhh you’re on.” 

Now that the two oneshots are complete it's time to get back to work on J's fic! I'm about to put the poor man through some more trauma 😭

Also I wanted to let you guys know that I’m taking a break from writing Reader fics. I have an anon request that I’m doing in head canon format but idk when I’ll get to that. I had another idea for a oneshot but I’m saving it for the fall. It fits better during spooky season anyway.

I just feel like I’m not as good at writing self insert stuff as I am with other things. It’s not like how a realistic relationship would go with J. It’s too gushy and when you read them they feel rushed. And I know y/n is supposed to be like the person reading the fic so they’re supposed to be generalized but in my fics they’re not a developed character, it’s just a Mary Sue. I don’t want my writing to be like that.

So in light of that, I’m taking a break from them until I can figure out how to write them better and properly. I’ll still take requests. I love getting asks! But just know it might be a while until I get to them.

Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Four - Desert Sands

Warnings: Depiction of 9/11

Chapter Summary: The US goes to war with Afghanistan and Jack gets called for his first deployment.

Author’s Note: This one was again shorter than I wanted it to be 😔 I didn’t outline this part of the story (chapters 3-5) well enough so I’m kinda winging it here. I really really want to write the upcoming chapters but I have to actually get there in the story first lol. Also I realized that haven’t updated this fic since May so I’m gonna work extra hard to get more chapters done this month. It will be easy since I have the future chapters outlined pretty well. Anyway, as always enjoy! <3

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie

If you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know! <3

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2 Years Later 

Coming back from his usual morning PT, Jack entered the main building, sweaty and almost out of breath. He was just about to turn and go back to his quarters when soldiers gathered by the TV in the front lobby grabbed his attention. They looked concerned about something.

What’s wrong with them?

 Raising an eyebrow, he walked towards the commotion curiously. As he looked up, the images he saw on the television shocked him.

“Breaking news. A plane has crashed into the North tower of the World Trade Center. As of right now, 8:52 am, we have very little information on this incident. We still don’t know the cause of the crash, how many are injured, the people on the ground, etc. Updates will be made as they come.”

There were many gasps and confused murmurs among the soldiers. Soon a commanding officer came out into the lobby to restore order. He instructed everyone to get back to their respective areas, causing the soldiers to snap out of their daze and scurry out of the room at his orders.

As the morning went by, more reports came in. Another plane hit the South tower. That was when it became clear that this was no accident. The next one struck the Pentagon and lastly a plane intended to strike the capital was reclaimed by the passengers and crashed into a field in Pennsylvania.

Jack didn’t know what to think. The US was moved to defcon 3, which meant a state of readiness was put in place for all the military bases throughout the nation. Fort Benning was no different. 

Everyone on base was shaken. Even the more experienced soldiers who’d seen the worst of combat many many times were shook. Nothing like this had ever happened before and so close to home.

Uncertainty was in the air before, but now it was brewing ten times stronger. As the days passed, war was most definitely imminent.

…

One Month Later

Running his fingers through his hair, Jack let out a frustrated groan. He dialed his home phone number and waited anxiously for an answer. Finally his mother picked up the phone. 

“Hello?” Her meek voice answered.

“Mom?”

“Jack? Hi honey! How is everything?” 

“Uh, good right now. But I have some news.” 

He paused and took a breath. “I’m getting deployed in two weeks.” 

“Oh… Where?”

Jack bit his lip. “Afghanistan.”

“Oh God.” Jacqueline barely managed to choke out. 

She went quiet for a while and Jack could tell she was probably crying.

“For how long?” She finally asked.

“I don’t know. Nobody knows anything right now, Mom. It shouldn’t be more than a year though.” 

“Alright. Call me before you deploy. Be strong. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Mama.” 

They said their goodbyes and Jack hung up. He sighed, wanting to punch a wall. 

His duty called but that didn’t stop him from wanting nothing to do with this deployment. After a moment, he took a deep breath and composed himself.

This was his first deployment so he had no idea what to expect. He only had what people told him to go by. His mind was still processing the news that he was going since he was just informed this morning.

Man up, Jack. You signed up for this. It’s gonna be fine. Mom will be fine. 

One of the soldiers on Jack’s squad poked his head in the room. 

“Hey Napier, sergeant needs to see you.” He informed him.

“Okay. What for?” Jack asked as he walked towards the doorway.

The soldier shrugged. “I dunno. Probably more deployment stuff.” 

Jack nodded and the other guy departed. He sighed and started down the hall to go see what his sergeant wanted. 

…

Two Weeks Later

The hum of the aircraft’s engine buzzed in Jack’s ears as he gazed out the small window. The ocean below glimmered as the afternoon sun shone down. Jack had never flown before and even though the circumstances were bleak, he couldn’t help but admire the beauty beneath him.

Their destination was still several hours away so Jack was content to just sit and stare at the vast sea. Other soldiers were either sleeping or staring out the windows same as him. It was quiet inside the aircraft save for a few whispers here and there and the engines whirring. 

Jack couldn’t help but worry about his mother. A few days ago she visited Fort Benning to see him before he deployed. She looked so distraught, like any mother knowing their son was going into combat would. She gave him so many hugs and kisses that day. 

Jack thought it was a little much but he understood why she would be upset so he didn’t complain. He hugged her right back and assured her that he would be fine. After she left, his concern became more focused on her, not himself. 

Ever since he left home he worried about her. But this time not only was he away from home, he was out of the country. He couldn’t be there if something happened to her or if Scott did anything. That thought gave him more anxiety than his current situation.

Several long hours later, the sun was beginning to set and the base was in sight. The aircraft landed with a jolt and everyone began piling out, awaiting instruction.

Jack stretched, relieved from sitting for so long, and took in his surroundings. The landscape was nothing but sand for miles in every direction. He looked up and not a single cloud was in the sky. The air was cooler than he expected but then he remembered deserts were cold at night. In contrast the sand felt hot against his boots. It hadn’t yet lost its heat from the sun. 

The barracks in the base weren’t that bad. Certainly better than a rock in the middle of the desert. Jack knew it wouldn’t always be like this. The coming days when he would eventually be called into battle would definitely be worse. 

But he couldn’t think like that. He just had to suck it up and deal with it. Worry causes things to go wrong and that’s what gets you killed. He refused to die here. No way. 

Jack diverted his attention to making his bed. That would keep his mind off the coming days. Sure repressing emotions wasn’t healthy but it sure was convenient. 

Once everyone settled in for the night, Jack laid on his bunk and stared at the gray ceiling. He tried to get to sleep but he just couldn’t. The worry was consuming him. He had a lot to think about. His mother, himself, what was gonna happen…

He forced himself to take a breath and slow his thoughts. 

It’s going to be fine. You will be fine. You’re making it worse by worrying. Nothing good ever comes from that. Just calm down. 

His mental pep talk seemed to appease his mind for a while. At last letting his anxieties drift away, he began to fall asleep. He had no idea what was ahead but at this moment it didn’t matter anymore. He wanted rest so he was getting it. And he would need it for the hellish days to come.

I am deleting a few of my reader oneshots because of badly written they were (aka the ones I cringe at every time I read). Except for Curls. That one was self indulgent and super cringe but it’s too adorable to get rid of. I think I’m only deleting two. The rest can stay.

Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Five - Hell On Earth

Warnings: Violence, war, blood, (light?) gore

Chapter Summary: Jack waits outside the promotion board and as he prepares, he thinks on his deployments so far.

Author’s Note: Okay it's currently 1:40 am. I stayed up late writing this and after I post I'm going to bed 🫠 This chapter is everything the title suggests. Trigger warning I guess? If war and all that it entails triggers you then I would suggest skipping ahead. Just know that the war messed up poor Jack pretty badly and you can imagine why. But the worst is yet to come... I just love foreshadowing ;)

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @furisodespirit

If you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know! <3

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Picking at his nails nervously, Jack sat outside the promotion board room waiting to be called in. Today was a big day. If things went well, and they probably would, he was getting promoted to Sergeant. In the scheme of things this wasn’t such a big deal. But it was to Jack. This would be the first time he was put in a true leadership position.

Jack had been in the army for almost 5 years now and completed two tours in Afghanistan, returning from his latest one several weeks ago. The war made him a different man. He was rougher, tougher, and more resourceful. His eyes became keen and his hearing became sharp. He had no choice but to adapt. It was either that or be killed. 

Afghanistan was the closest thing to hell on earth Jack thought he could get. One of the worst parts was when nothing would happen for days but they had to be ready because the enemy could strike at any time. They’d start to let their guard down and then, seemingly out of nowhere, the chaos would ensue. 

The gunfire, the explosions, the bodies… Men that were here one minute and then gone the next. And the screaming…so much screaming. All things that Jack would never forget no matter how hard he tried.

Resting his head on the rock behind him, Jack blinked as the bright sun shone in his eyes and a bead of sweat trickled down his forehead. His squad had been sitting here for hours, watching and waiting, endlessly waiting, for something to happen. 

He sighed quietly to himself and gazed up at the cloudless sky as a hawk soared overhead. He felt a small pang of envy at watching the bird fly so freely. A weird sense of longing washed over him as he imagined what it would be like to be the bird. No war, no responsibilities, the rush of the wind against him, and a break from the fucking hot sun. 

Jack stopped himself in disbelief. Was he really so miserable he was jealous of a stupid bird? He was losing it already. He chalked it up to the intense heat. It had a way of making everyone question their sanity. 

Time dragged on and still nothing. Slumped against the rock, he counted the limbs on a nearby dead tree, bored out of his mind and sweating in places he didn’t know he could. 

Then he heard it. A slight whoosh went past their heads and then boom. A grenade went off several feet in front of them. Many of them, including Jack, were smart enough to move away in time and get behind the rocks. Unfortunately some of them were too slow and got caught up in the blast. 

“Fall back!” The squad’s sergeant shouted.

As he ran, Jack didn’t dare look down out of fear of seeing the bits and pieces of the barely recognizable corpses strewn across the sand. He turned his head just before he climbed in the humvee and saw a truckload of their attackers speed by, jeering in another language. He was too shocked and disturbed to care. 

Jack sighed as he simmered on the memory. The grenade incident was something he always thought back on since it was the first time he truly experienced the horrors of war. The images of the fallen soldiers and the bloody mess they left behind would be forever imprinted in his brain. He was 20 years old at the time. If only his younger naive self knew that the horrors would only get worse from then on.

To Jack one of the most tragic aspects of the war was the innocents. The most prominent example he could think of was during his second tour when his platoon had to travel through a village to get to their destination. That day would never leave him either.

As the humvee ran over another rock, Jack banged his head on the ceiling for the umpteenth time that day. Thank God he was wearing his helmet. That didn’t stop him from being annoyed though. He rolled his eyes discreetly out of his superior’s line of sight and glanced out the window at their surroundings. 

The village they were passing through wasn’t as active as others they’d encountered before. A woman or two could be seen walking past them and a few kids here and there were playing in the streets. They paused their games and stared up at the military vehicles with interest as they drove by. The lack of activity seemed odd to Jack but he paid it no mind as the line of humvees continued down the road.

The eerie stillness of the village ended abruptly as the humvee in the front burst into flames. The other vehicles slammed on their brakes to avoid colliding with the explosion, tossing the soldiers aboard out of their seats. 

“Jesus! What the hell just happened?” A dazed private sitting behind Jack exclaimed.

His answer came when a series of cries rang out in the streets and shots were fired. They were being ambushed. No wonder the village was so lifeless. The residents knew what was coming. 

Jack heard someone in authority shout. “Get down!”

He couldn’t decipher who it was but they didn’t have to tell him twice. He crouched down between the seats and took cover. Something busted through the window above his head and sent glass shards everywhere. He realized they were rocks as more flew through the window.

The attack was only getting worse and more deadly by the minute so eventually the platoon had to leave the safety of their vehicles and fight back. 

Jack slung his rifle off his shoulder and fired a few rounds, effectively hitting his targets the majority of the time. He blamed his poor shots on the adrenaline coursing through his veins. He hid behind one of the humvee’s back tires as bullets started to move in his direction.

This was utter hell. He was sure he was gonna die at any moment. But somehow he made it out alive. The battle dragged on and on until finally the platoon began to gain some ground and overtake their attackers. What was remaining of the enemy was killed while a select few managed to retreat and get away.

Once it was safe, Jack stood up and slung his rifle back over his shoulder. He exhaled in relief, glad the firefight was over. He walked over to what was left of his group and waited to be told what to do. 

The smell of smoke and burning flesh gave the air a pungent odor, making Jack’s eyes water. He scanned the area solemnly, noting all of the fallen soldiers and the structural damage caused to the village. Suddenly an ear splitting scream broke out behind him, causing him and a few others to jump.

The scream came from a grieving woman, hunched over what looked like her young son. Jack froze. Civilian deaths were always the worst and he’d witnessed many, but this was totally different. This was a child. The boy barely had a chance to live and his life was ended simply by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

A little girl ran to the mother’s side and knelt beside what appeared to be her brother. Tears streamed down her face. Blood was splattered on her clothes and her dark hair. She looked up in Jack’s direction with innocent eyes that shattered his soul.

The mother picked up her son’s body, turned, and carried him away, with the little girl following close behind. He knew he wasn’t responsible for the boy’s death but he couldn’t help but feel awful.

“Napier! Get over here!” Jack’s superior shouted, bringing him out of his daze.

He jumped a mile. Was he really standing there that long?

“Oh, sorry sir.” He said in a soft tone and followed the other soldiers back to the now damaged humvees.

The memory of the little girl stayed with Jack for a while after the attack in the village. It was hard to forget those eyes. Even to the present day he thought back on her sometimes. There were so many like her. Innocent children caught up in a conflict that wasn’t their fault. He recognized that sometimes civilian deaths were unavoidable and were even a necessary evil at times but it just felt so wrong. Especially when kids were involved.

He glanced at the clock on the wall and took a deep breath. Anytime now he could be called in for the promotion board. Thinking about bad memories was not helping his nerves at all. Of course his mind had other plans. 

It’s like he was intent on torturing himself. He couldn’t help it. The war was always fresh on his mind. He was getting promoted soon and in a few months he would be up for a third deployment. Combat never left his brain.

He had no clue how he was gonna adjust back into civilian life when the time came. He’d cross that bridge when he got there. But something told him it was going to be a lot easier said than done.

A First Sergeant appeared in the doorway and informed Jack that they were ready for him.

Okay, here goes… He thought as he stood up and followed the man inside the boardroom.

Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Six - Injury

Warnings: Blood, gore

Chapter Summary: A surprise attack leaves Jack injured.

Author's Note: This is the chapter people! This is where things start to take a turn! We are finally getting to the part I actually want to write lol. I've managed to post 3 chapters this month. This is a huge win 🙌 But seriously, buckle in, this is a rough one. My poor Jack 😔

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @furisodespirit

If you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know! <3

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Jack gazed out the window at the vast desert sands with a mix of dread and disdain. As much as he hated this place, there was a familiarity to it and a feeling of…fondness? No, that wasn’t it. More like a fondness towards the few good memories that this desert held but a bitterness at all the bad. 

This was Jack’s third tour in Afghanistan. Now holding the rank of Sergeant, he and another sergeant would be assisting their staff sergeant in leading a squad. This would be the first time he ever had any leadership so it did make him a bit nervous.

The platoon had just arrived at the base yesterday. In a few minutes they would be meeting to discuss objectives and meet with their squads. Stepping away from the window and collecting himself, Jack headed towards the back of the base where everyone else was. He did not need to be late. He hated getting fussed at.

After the higher ups gave a brief rundown of everything going on at the base and elsewhere, the squads met up. Jack didn’t speak much. He of course addressed the staff sergeant over him because he had to but he wasn't compelled to talk to the others. He gave a nod of acknowledgement here and there but nothing more. It wasn’t that he was annoyed or didn’t like them. He just never was a people person.

The other sergeant in his squad that he would be working with approached Jack. He stuck his hand out for him to shake and introduced himself. 

“I’m Corey Davis.”

Jack shook his hand firmly. “Jack Napier. Nice to meet you.” 

Davis smiled and moved on to talk to the other members of their squad. Jack observed him warily from afar. Davis had dark hair, a mustache, and light eyes. He was shorter than Jack but was well built and wiry. His demeanor seemed very friendly and sociable.

Great. Jack thought. 

There was something about outgoing people that bothered him. Maybe because they made his quiet, reserved self uncomfortable. Whatever the reason, he wasn’t sure if he would get along with this Davis fellow.

Boy was he wrong. After a few days of getting to know each other, they found that they had a lot in common. It turned out Davis lived an hour away from where Jack did. They both grew up in a small town. They both skateboarded. They both had similar tastes in music. Needless to say, they quickly became close. It was like they had known each other their whole lives. They worked great together, allowing their squad to operate like a well oiled machine.

Even several months into the deployment the squad rarely ran into problems. So far this was turning out to be the best of Jack’s three tours. Sure there was the immense heat and the horror of war but that was given at this point. Now that he had someone to go through it with, it wasn’t as bad. 

But just like previous deployments, everything could change in the blink of an eye. 

…

Today they were traveling through dangerous enemy territory so they had to be cautious. Two squads went one route and another two went the other route. According to intel, aggressors wouldn’t be anywhere near them. As long as they moved quickly and stealthily, they would be fine. 

Jack sat on one side of the humvee and Davis sat on the other. The driver and the staff sergeant were up front. Three other men were in the very back. The second vehicle was trailing along beside them.

So far the intel seemed to be accurate. The area was completely desolate. 

“Smooth sailing, huh? Man, it’s been quiet today.” Davis chuckled.

“A little too quiet.” Jack muttered. 

“Come on, Napier. Intel says we’re good. Ain’t nobody gonna bother us. We haven’t seen anything all day.”

“We still don’t need to let our guards down. This is dangerous territory, Davis.” The staff sergeant scolded from the front.

“Pshh. Why? God, this is boring.” A guy in the back whispered to another.

Jack heard and cast him a sideways glance. Just as he turned back around to face the front, it happened. Something hit the front end of the humvee and after a loud boom, it went up in smoke. The blast killed the staff sergeant and the driver, causing the vehicle to veer out of control and then stop abruptly. 

The smoke billowed inside the humvee and the fire was starting to spread. The men in the back turned to Jack and Davis. The two sergeants were left in charge now. They were speechless for a brief moment, unsure what to do. Then out of the corner of his eye, Jack saw another explosive flying right towards them.

“Get out of here! Now!” He shouted. 

He’d never opened a vehicle's door so fast in his life. He, Davis, and another man managed to get out in time. The other two were trapped in the back. There was no time to go back for them.

Jack ran with all the speed he could muster. It wasn’t enough. The vehicle exploded behind him, spewing shrapnel everywhere. A sharp chunk flew straight into Jack’s left cheek and lodged itself there. He screamed in pain and fell face first into the sand. Some glass from the humvee’s windshield strewn across the ground sliced his bottom lip. 

He found the strength to sit up a little and for a few seconds, he just knelt there in shock, clutching his injured cheek as blood poured down his face. Panic started to seep in and it made him forget everything. Where he was, that they were under fire, and that he had to run. Now. His brain didn’t seem to register that.

His saving grace came when Davis ran to his side and helped him up. 

“Jack! Snap out of it. We gotta go. Come on. We’re gonna make it.” 

Jack jolted as he finally came to and followed Davis. They ran to the remaining vehicle as they made their way to safety. Once everyone left alive was in, the vehicle sped off, fleeing the scene like a bat out of hell. 

Davis ushered Jack towards the back of the vehicle where the medics were. Jack was wincing in pain. He felt dizzy and struggled to walk without leaning on Davis’ shoulder. The other soldiers stared at the gory sight in horror. There was literally a huge piece of metal sticking out of the young sergeant’s face. 

The two medics laid Jack on the floor and removed his gear, tossing it aside. Meanwhile, Jack felt like he was drowning in his own blood. He groaned and gripped the metal bars on the seats nearby tightly. His face burned with more intensity than the heat of the Afghan deserts. Out of all the pain his father put him through, nothing came close to what he was experiencing right now. 

The medics assessed the wound and decided what needed to be done. They tugged on the metal to see if they could get it to move. It wouldn’t budge. Jack yelped at the sudden sharp pain. 

“It looks like we can’t just pull it out, sarge. We’re gonna have to cut it out and stitch up the wound.” One medic explained as he took out his tools.

Jack grimaced but nodded faintly in understanding. Anything to get it out. 

The medic began cutting with a scalpel as the other held Jack’s head still. Jack fought the urge to scream and groaned loudly instead. Each cut felt like fire. It was agonizing. He breathed in and out sharply, sounding like he was hyperventilating.

Finally the medic managed to get the metal out. Blood was splattered everywhere at this point. It was dripping from Jack’s chin down his shirt. As he took in a breath, he choked on the blood in his mouth. He rose up a little as a coughing fit ensued, spitting out blood onto the floor. 

The medics eased him back down and wiped away the excess blood so they could suture the wound. Jack saw the needle and braced himself. This would definitely be the most painful part. Especially since his face was not numb in any way. 

The first stitch was put in, causing him to cry out. He wasn’t expecting it to hurt that bad. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry but it was no use. The medic continued stitching as Jack whimpered and grunted in pain, tears streaming down his cheeks. His tough exterior had completely left the building.

“Last one.” The medic said as he put in the remaining stitch.

He cut the remaining thread and put the supplies away while the other medic picked the glass out of Jack’s lower lip and then wiped his bloody face with a cloth. The first medic grabbed a bottle of pills and a canteen from his bag. He shook two pills out into his hand. 

“Take these. It’ll help with the pain.” He instructed Jack as he handed him the pills and the canteen.

Cringing at the metallic taste of blood lingering in his mouth, Jack took a swig of the water and swallowed the pills. The two medics left him alone and moved to the front of the vehicle to make sure no one else was injured. 

Jack rested his head on his gear and turned onto his side, curling up into a ball. The burning in his cheek slowly began to fade out as the medicine started to take effect. He was so dizzy and disoriented from the shock and blood loss, he could barely keep his eyes open. Before he knew it, he was falling asleep. 

He woke up some time later and groaned softly at the shooting pain returning to his face. He groggily sat up and looked around. It was dark inside and outside the vehicle. Davis was sitting nearby. He noticed Jack get up and turned to him with a concerned look in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” 

“I guess so…” Jack mumbled. 

“We’re still an hour or so away from base. You should go back to sleep.” 

“Can’t. I’m already up.” 

Davis shook his head and held up his canteen. “You want some water?” 

“I have some.”

“But you’re running low. You need to save it. Just take some of mine.” 

Jack sighed and took the canteen from him. He took a few sips and then handed it back, relieved to have something to rinse his mouth. He knew he’d be tasting blood for weeks.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Davis asked.

“Yeah. I’m fine. But it really hurts to talk.” 

“Oh. Sorry. I’ll shut up then.” 

Jack smirked and took another sip of water. He laid back down again and reluctantly ran his hand over the wound. It felt puffy, hot, and swollen. Pain shot up his cheek as his fingertips grazed it. He just knew this was going to leave a scar.

His mind raced with questions. What would it look like? Would it be noticeable? Would this affect his mouth or how he ate? Should he see the doctor on base?

He sighed and decided to take Davis’ advice. This was a lot. He really needed to rest. He could process this later. 

Jack turned on his side and resumed his sleeping position. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, listening to the steady hum of the humvee’s engine and the beating of his own heart. It helped lull him back to sleep. The pain and the worry slowly drifted away. 

Sleep was awesome when he could get it. Most nights were a challenge for Jack. Lots of things kept him awake. Memories, nightmares, adrenaline… Something told him that from now on he was going to have a lot more of those sleepless nights.

Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Seven - Discharged

Warnings: Elements of ptsd and trauma

Chapter Summary: Jack's platoon is back at the desert base temporarily until things calm down and new orders are given. During this time, Jack's injury is improving gradually, but it turns out he may have more than just his face wounded.

Author’s Note: I don't really have much to say about this one. I looked for a good cover image forever and this was the best I could do idk 🤷‍♀ I love it when y'all comment btw 🥹 It means a lot <3

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @furisodespirit

If you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know! <3

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Tossing and turning in his bunk, Jack could hardly sleep at all. The intense pain in his cheek was keeping him up.

They arrived back at the base several hours ago. All of the other soldiers were fast asleep, exhausted from the past few days out in the field.

Jack and Davis were in their own separate quarters in a room down the hall. Jack was so glad to not be in the barracks. He honestly didn’t care where he slept but he appreciated privacy. 

Davis sat up above him and climbed down from the top bunk. As he reached for the doorknob, he saw that Jack was awake and rolled his eyes. 

“What are you doing up? You need to be resting.”

“Can’t. Hurts too much.” Jack mumbled as he rolled over and pressed his face into the pillow.

“I’m going to the bathroom. Do you want me to get some pain killers while I’m out?”

“Yeah. That’d be nice.”

“Alright.”

Davis slipped out the door and returned a while later with a bag full of small pills. 

“The medic said to take two every few hours.” He told Jack.

Jack took the bag and shook two of the pills out into his hand. He swallowed them with some water from the canteen and laid down. 

“You’re going to see a doctor tomorrow, right?” Davis asked, climbing back up to his bunk.

“Yeah.” Jack replied as he nestled back into bed, trying to get comfortable despite the searing pain.

“Heh, lucky you. You get to skip out tomorrow.” 

Jack chuckled. “Aw, I hate I’m missing the fun.”

…

With a tired yawn, Jack sat up and dragged himself out of bed. He pulled on his tan shirt and camouflage pants and slipped into his boots, lacing them up half heartedly. 

His face was feeling slightly better but the pain was still there, lingering like a sour taste in his mouth. The pain killers were doing their job decently. He’d managed to get a few hours of sleep because of them. He took two more pills for the morning and put the bag away. Then he left his room and started down the hall towards the base’s medical center. 

Jack hoped the doctor wouldn’t find anything wrong with his injury and maybe do something to prevent the scarring, if it could even be done. The wound was so deep he knew it probably would. He wouldn’t care if it did. Looks were never his main concern. But if there was a chance it could be helped he’d take it.

He neared the room he needed to go to, approached the door timidly, and knocked. A man well past Jack’s age answered. He looked tired and disinterested.

“You must be Sergeant Napier. Come in and have a seat. I’ll be back in a moment.” 

Jack walked inside and sat down on a chair in the corner. The doctor left the room briskly with a clipboard in hand. Jack took in his surroundings. Next to him was a sink and a metal cabinet. Across from him was an exam table with a stool beside it. The tan walls were bare. 

The doctor came back about ten minutes later. He set his clipboard down on the sink countertop, washed his hands, and sat down on the stool next to the table. 

“This happened during the attack yesterday after shrapnel got lodged in your cheek, right?” The doctor asked, gesturing to Jack’s face.

“Yes sir.”

“Alright. Come up here on the table and I’ll have a look.” 

Jack walked over to him and laid down on the exam table. He stared up at the bright light overhead, noticing the doctor hovering over him in his peripheral. He focused on his breathing, inhaling and exhaling slowly to keep himself calm, and kept his eyes on the ceiling. Doctor visits always freaked him out. Especially now with this sensitive injury.

“Open your mouth for me.” The doctor said, putting on a rubber glove. 

Jack did as he was told. He felt the doctor run his fingers along the inside of his cheek and lift it up slightly so he could see the wound. The doctor nodded to himself and took his hand away, removing the glove and tossing it in the trash. 

“So, the medics did a pretty good job with this. The stitches are put in well and it doesn’t look infected, just a little swollen but that's a given. It looks like there’s some scarring inside your mouth so be careful with that. That could get infected easily. Until it heals up, be careful when you eat or brush your teeth. Other than that just keep taking pain meds when you need them.”

Jack took in what the doctor said, his head spinning with information. Somehow he managed to remember his main question. “Okay. Um, will this leave a scar?” 

"It will definitely leave a scar. If you get home and you want surgery to fix it, it’s out there. Although I'm not sure there's much that it can do. I’m also not for certain if the VA pays for stuff like that. It would be considered cosmetic surgery. Either way, good luck. I hope this helped."

"Thank you, sir." Jack said as he hopped off the table and left.

…

The platoon stayed at the base the rest of the week, recovering from the latest attack and waiting on orders.

Jack's injury was ever so slightly getting better each day. By now it really only hurt when he ate or if he touched It. The swelling had gone down but it was still very red. It miraculously hadn't gotten infected yet and he hoped It would stay that way.

His physical wounds were healing but the same couldn't be said for his mental ones. He didn't even realize how much the war had affected him until the past few days. Every night he had some sort of nightmare involving the war.

As the days progressed the nightmares got worse and worse. Jack could hardly sleep. Since he'd been in combat he'd had a few bad dreams here and there but nothing like this. It was becoming unbearable.

The latest one had been extremely rough. He woke up from it sweating profusely and his heart racing. He also must've yelled in his sleep because when he got up to use the bathroom, Davis was awake and wondering if he was okay.

Jack was really hoping tonight would be different. Sleep deprivation was not helping him any. 

But of course the night he really wanted to rest he had the worst nightmare yet. It all felt so real to him. He practically jumped out of bed as he awoke, his heart about to leap through his chest. He took in ragged breaths and ran a shaky hand through his hair, which was dripping with sweat.

Jack felt something hit his chest like a ton of bricks, causing him to fall back. He struggled to breathe as his chest tightened and his heart raced. He was starting to think he was having a heart attack.

Without warning his vision blurred and an explosive streaked across the room. He let out a shout of surprise and jumped off his bunk, landing on the floor and covering his head with his hands. He stood up with wobbly legs and staggered out into the hall, his surroundings changing rapidly from tiled floors to desert sands.

Jack kept his hand on the wall as he slid down to the floor. His breathing was sharp and ragged. It was coming at him in all directions. An explosion, debris, bullets... Everywhere he looked there was a dead body next to him, bloodied and maimed. The fire was consuming him and seemed endless. His ears rang with shouts and gunfire that never ceased. 

Then he heard his name. Faintly and distantly at first. He heard it again and again but he still wasn’t brought out of the illusion. Eventually he felt someone shaking him by the shoulders. The warfare around him faded away and his normal vision returned. He blinked slowly as he came to.

Davis knelt beside him with his hand on Jack’s shoulder and a worried look on his face. Above them stood a Sergeant Major. That meant Jack’s attack was so bad that it could be heard down the hall and got his attention. 

Jack flushed with embarrassment. “I am so sorry, sir. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s alright, son. I’ve seen this many times before. Are you okay now?” The Sergeant Major asked.

“Uh, yes sir. I guess.”

“I think you should see someone. This looks like it’s severe. We had a psychiatrist come on base this week to evaluate someone else. I could have her schedule you in. Would you be willing to do that?”

Jack thought for a moment, very hesitant to answer. He glanced over at Davis. He was giving him a stern look and nodding his head which meant he probably should.

“That would be great, sir.” Jack replied. 

“Alright. I’ll inform Dr. Ellis tomorrow morning. Go get some sleep, soldier. You too, Sergeant Davis.” 

“Yes sir.” Jack and Davis said in unison as the Sergeant Major turned to leave. 

Davis offered Jack a hand and helped him to his feet. 

“Are you sure you’re good? You look pale.”

“Yeah. I’m fine now. Just a little shaken up. Let’s go back to bed. This whole thing has left me super drained.”

“I bet you are. That looked awful.”

They both walked back inside their quarters and closed the door. Jack took a sip of water from his canteen and wiped his brow. Davis reached for the light switch and flicked it off. Then they climbed back into their bunks.

“Davis?”

“Yeah?”

“What was happening during all that? What did I look like?” 

“When it first happened you screamed like really loud. So I went out to see what was wrong. I tried to snap you out of it but your expression was totally blank. You wouldn’t respond to anything. You were here but you weren’t if that makes sense. It took me forever to get a hold of you. What were you seeing anyway?” 

“Just…warfare. That’s the simplest way to put it. There were…bodies…and gunshots. I-I can’t put it into words.”

“This sounds serious to me. It’s probably a good thing you’re seeing a doctor.” 

“What if… What if they discharge me? I mean, they might see this as a liability. I had no idea this was coming and if it gets any worse I could cause something to go wrong out in the field.” 

“Eh, that could happen. I wouldn’t worry about it though. I thought you were thinking about leaving anyway. Your contract expires soon, right? This could be your out.”

“I don’t know yet. I thought about it. I’m still trying to decide. I really wanna go home and be done with this but at the same time it feels like quitting. I think I should at least try and do two more years to make it eight.” 

“Well, I think either way you’ve done enough. You’ve served for six years. That’s great. You’ve been on three deployments and every time it was in fucking Afghanistan. I’d say that’s time well spent. But in the end it’s up to you.”

“Yeah. I just don’t know...”

… 

Bouncing his leg and fidgeting with his watch, Jack waited patiently for the psychiatrist he was supposed to see. He was sitting in a chair across from a large wooden desk in a mostly empty room. There were two filing cabinets and a few boxes behind the desk and another chair shoved in the corner. 

There was a reflective mug on the desk in front of him. He noticed his reflection and stared at himself. His face was gaunt and worn out from the lack of sleep and his eyes were sunken in. He did not look 24 years old. 

Damn. I have got to get a handle on this.

The door flung open and a woman walked briskly into the room, interrupting his thoughts. She sat down at the desk in front of him and grabbed a pen and a notepad out of her bag. She had dark brown hair pulled back into a tight bun and wore Army issued glasses and uniform. She looked up at Jack and greeted him. 

“Sergeant Jack Napier? I’m Dr. Ellis. I was told about your incident last night. Can you describe it to me?”

“Um, well… It all happened so fast. I can only remember bits and pieces.” 

“That’s okay. Take all the time you need.” 

“I’ve been having these, uh, nightmares all week and last night I woke up from a really bad one. Then I don’t know, a few minutes later, everything went blurry and I started to see stuff.”

“Stuff like what?”

“I saw a grenade first. That’s why I ducked and crawled out into the hall. Then it got progressively worse. I saw explosions…bodies… All the gore that entails. It was like a complete warzone and that’s all I saw. The hallway disappeared. I could barely hear them calling my name. I just heard war sounds. They had to shake me around to bring me out of it.”

“Wow. Okay. You said you’ve been having nightmares all week. Were all of them about the war?”

Jack nodded.

“Have you ever had nightmares like this before?”

“A few every now and then. But not as frequent as this and not as bad.”

“I see. I’m just speculating here but, could it be that maybe these were brought on by the recent attack? Injuries are traumatic. War itself is traumatic. Maybe your mind has taken all it can handle and the injury you sustained was the last straw. How long have you been in the army?”

“Six years. Almost four of those were in combat.”

“Okay. What I think is happening is all the trauma you have experienced in about four years of combat has finally started to erupt after being repressed for so long. Do you think you’ve repressed anything at all?”

Jack thought for a moment. Looking back, she was right. All those times a bad memory resurfaced or he started to get anxious about something he would push it down and not think about it instead of dealing with it head on.

“Yeah… I guess I have.”

“And that’s okay. In this situation you felt like you had to. You’re in a war. Worry and panic leads to poor performance and that gets you killed. Does that sound familiar?”

“Yes.”

“Then you repressed your trauma as a means for survival. But that doesn’t mean it was healthy. Repressed trauma comes out eventually. In your case it came out through nightmares and now a traumatic episode. Have you ever experienced flashbacks at all?”

“Yeah. I used to get them a lot but for a while they quit happening as much. They came back recently.”

“Okay. This is all starting to add up here. I can’t really give an official diagnosis right now but I’m pretty sure I know what’s going on. I’d like to see you tomorrow. Is 0900 good?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Alright. This has been a good first session, Sergeant. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

…

The next day

“How are you today, Sergeant?”

Jack shrugged. “I’m okay I guess. Oh and you can just call me Jack. I don’t care.”

Dr. Ellis chuckled a bit. “Alright.”

She proceeded to ask similar questions to the day before and wrote some things down in her notebook. As the end of the session neared, she seemed to have a handle on what was going on. 

“Jack, it seems to me like you may be suffering from ptsd.”

“Ptsd? Oh… That makes sense.” 

“Yes. The flashbacks, nightmares, repression, and the traumatic episode you had are textbook symptoms. You meet the criteria for it.”

“So… What does that mean?”

“Well, I don’t really know. Since you’ve gotten this new diagnosis I have to inform the higher ups since it goes on your record. And because of this, especially since it’s becoming severe and you don’t know when episodes are coming, you may have to be discharged. They’ll make that decision soon. I can’t really say yes or no yet.” 

“Oh, okay. I was afraid of that.”

“I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you. But you understand why they would have to discharge you, right? With your ptsd, you could have a flare up while you're out on the battlefield. Then there's no telling what could happen. That is dangerous."

Jack nodded.

"So it's either be a paper pusher for the rest of your service or be honorably discharged. I think I know what you would rather do."

"I understand. Thank you for your time, doctor." Jack said as he stood up to leave.

"Of course. If you do get sent home I would highly recommend that you see somebody. I'm pretty sure the VA pays for counseling. There's resources out there. You just have to take them.”

“Thank you. I’ll look into it.”

As he walked out of the office, he sighed and rubbed his temples. 

Dammit. I knew this was gonna happen. 

…

Two days later

Jack wasn't sure how to feel about this decision. Hours ago he was just informed that he was getting honorably discharged and would be leaving the next day. Right before his platoon shipped out for another task miles away from the base.

On one hand he was a little disheartened. This felt too much like giving up. But he understood why they had to do this. It would be risky to have someone with frequent panic attacks (or whatever they were, Jack had no clue what to call them) out in the field.

On the other hand, Jack was glad to be getting out of the army. Like Davis said, he was thinking about leaving anyway. His contract was almost up unless he enlisted for a few more years. The war was also taking a huge toll on him. That was becoming more apparent by the day. Plus he missed his mother. 6 years was plenty for Jack. He felt that all this was justifiable for wanting to leave. Now that he was being discharged it made him feel better about it. 

…

Jack stood by his bunk, sorting through his things and packing his duffel bag. Some things were his and some things needed to be returned. He had no problem kissing this stuff goodbye. He was so done with military life.

Davis poked his head in the doorway.

“Hey, I heard you’re getting sent back home tomorrow.” He said, leaning on the doorframe. 

“Yeah, I was gonna come find you but I got busy.” Jack said as he finished folding a shirt and tucked it away into his duffel.

Davis sat down on the bed beside him. “Are you gonna be okay? I know this has been tough on you and it’s gonna be hard to adjust.” 

“I’ll be fine. I’ll find a way to manage.”

“Alright… Are you going to take her advice and actually see someone about this?” 

Jack shrugged. “Probably not. Maybe if it gets too bad.” 

Davis sighed. “Jack, I really think you should. They can help you. If you’re not careful this could spiral into something you don’t want it to.”

“I’ll be alright. Trust me. This is something I need to figure out for myself.”

“Okay, okay. I’m just worried about you, that's all. I’m really gonna miss you out here.” 

“I’m gonna miss you too. I’ve never really had any friends before. You’re a first.”

“Really? I’m glad we met then.”

There was an awkward silence between them for a few moments. Jack was not good at this sentimental stuff. 

Davis exhaled and stood up from the bunk. “Well, I should let you finish packing. Bye, Jack. It’s been fun.”

He stuck his hand out. Jack shook it firmly with a grim smile. 

“Bye. I’ve enjoyed this.”

Davis turned to leave but Jack spoke up again.

“Oh, uh, Corey?”

Davis paused and turned around. 

“Thank you.” 

Davis smiled softly and nodded.

…

Gazing out the window as the aircraft took off, Jack saw the desert below get smaller and smaller. It felt satisfying in a way. His military career was over and he could finally say goodbye to this hellhole for good.

He was ready to get home. Since he enlisted, he’d only visited home twice. And the last time he did was two years ago. The last time he talked to his mother was on the phone after he got promoted to Sergeant. He missed her so badly.

He could only imagine what she’d say about his new scar. It looked ghastly now that it was starting to heal up and the stitches were out. He knew she wouldn’t be disgusted or repulsed by it, more worried than anything, but he couldn’t help but wonder. 

He rested his head against the seat and decided to take a nap. Maybe he could finally get some much needed rest. And when he’d wake up, he’d be home and everything would be okay.

Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Eight - Life's Full of Surprises

Warnings: Character death, angst

Chapter Summary: Jack comes home and things are not at all how he imagined they'd be.

Author's Note: I'm gonna go ahead and apologize in advance 😅 I did not wanna have to kill off this person but it's character development for Jack. He's been through so much already I know, but you have to remember that it had to be a lot for him to eventually snap the way he does. You don't just randomly wake up one day and decide to become a mass murderer.

No I didn't use Heaven Beside You as the song inspiration because someone dies, it's deeper than that lol. I've also had this reoccurring scene in my head where Jack is driving down the road listening to the song at full blast. At this point he's broken from war and now this has happened. He's angry and hurting, mad at the world. This song just seemed fitting. Also I love Alice In Chains <3

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @furisodespirit

If you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know! <3

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Jack walked through the bustling crowd of people with his head down and his hands in his pockets. He’d just got off a flight from Fort Benning. After he left Afghanistan, he went back there to finalize some things and officially be discharged.

The airport was not far from his hometown, less than thirty minutes away. Jack’s plan was to call the house and have somebody come pick him up. He knew it would most likely be his mother. 

He went over to the wall of pay phones and fished out a quarter from his pocket to put in the slot. He dialed his home phone number and waited. There was no answer. He tried a second time but still nothing. 

Okay… Scott’s probably at work and Mom must be out somewhere. Weird… I won’t bother with them then. 

He was unsure how he was going to get home now unless he rented a car. Then he remembered Mike. According to his mom during their last phone call, Mike was still going strong. Surely he wouldn’t mind taking him home.

Jack pulled a small notebook filled with contacts and another quarter out of his pocket and searched for Mike’s number. He was so glad he carried this with him. He wouldn’t be able to remember the number from all those years ago if he didn’t. The phone rang for a few moments and then someone picked up. 

“Hello?” A gruff voice said on the other end.

“Mike? This is Jack.”

“Hey! How ya doing buddy? Haven’t heard from you in a while.” 

“I’m alright I guess. Listen, I’m at the airport right now. It’s the one near Fairfield. I can’t get a hold of anyone at home and I was wondering if you could come give me a ride. I’ll be out front near the parking lot.”

“Of course. Give me about 20 minutes and I’ll be there.”

“Okay. Thanks Mike.”

Relieved that he had a way home now, Jack grabbed his stuff and headed towards the front. He sat down on a bench outside the building and watched the parking lot, bouncing his leg anxiously. He didn’t know why but since the plane landed he felt super jittery. He wasn’t sure if it was all the crowds of people making him uneasy or the thought of being home again.

Some time later he saw Mike’s car pull into a space. The short and stocky man climbed out and scanned the area for Jack. He spotted him and walked towards the bench, smiling. When he got there, he pulled Jack into a bear hug.

“Jeez, you’ve really filled out. How tall are you now?” He exclaimed as they walked to the car.

Jack laughed. “Good to see you too, Mike.”

He laid his duffel in the floorboard and climbed inside as Mike started the car and put it in gear. 

“So how’s army life been?” Mike asked. 

Jack shrugged. “Eh, hot and bloody. But that’s the desert for you.”

“I, uh, couldn’t help but notice the scar on your face. What happened?”

“A surprise attack. The humvee I was in exploded. I managed to make it out but a piece of shrapnel hit me.” Jack explained, shifting uncomfortably. 

“Oh. That must’ve been really bad. So are you home for good or are you just visiting?”

“I’m back for good now. I got discharged.”

“Why?”

“They said trauma reasons. I had a weird episode while I was over there. I think I could’ve made it a little longer but I guess they didn’t want to chance me having something like that while we were out on a mission. It could cause problems. I didn’t complain. I wanted to go home anyway and this was an opportunity to leave.” 

“Oh okay. Wow. Are you okay now?” 

“I don’t really know to be honest. I haven’t had anything happen lately but it could always come back. That kind of stuff is unpredictable.”

Mike grunted in agreement and focused on the road. Jack gazed out the window as they entered town and memories came flooding back to him. He was home alright. The jitteriness increased by the second as they got closer and closer to his house.

“How is my Mom?” Jack asked.

Mike slowed down drastically and nearly stopped in the middle of the road. He looked at him with a confused expression and seemed to be contemplating what he was going to say next. Now Jack was confused. Did he miss something?

“Don’t you know what happened?” Mike gasped.

Jack’s heart sank. “What? Is something wrong? Is she okay?” 

Mike sighed. “I think it’s best if you go home and find out. It’s not my place to tell you.”

“Um, okay… Is it bad?” 

“You’ll find out soon enough. I’m…I’m sorry, Jack. I thought you knew.”

Jack’s head was spinning. Oh God. No…

His main worry while he was away had come true. Something happened to his mother and he wasn’t there to help her. He sincerely hoped she was okay.

Mike turned down Jack’s street and pulled up to the curb in front of his childhood home. Jack grabbed his bag and turned to Mike.

“Um, thanks for the ride. I should go.”

Mike nodded grimly. Jack opened the car door and stepped out on wobbly legs. He felt sick to his stomach as he approached the house. 

He reached the top of the steps and took a deep breath. There was no telling what he’d find inside. He turned to Mike and nodded. Mike gave a thumbs up and drove away.

Jack set the duffel bag down on the porch and knocked on the front door, steeling himself.

“What? Who’s showing up here at this time of the morning? Better not be a fuckin’ cop!” A familiar drunken voice slurred.

Jack inwardly groaned. Here we go…

His father opened the door and started to throw something but hesitated when he saw his son.

“Jack? That you?”

“Yes.” Jack said calmly.

Scott tilted his head and stared at Jack, particularly his injured cheek.

“What the hell happened to your face?”

Jack looked down. “Shrapnel.”

Scott chuckled darkly. “At least you didn’t die. I was expecting as much.”

Jack narrowed his eyes. Forcing himself to keep it together, he ignored the comment and changed the subject. 

“Where’s Mom?” 

“Oh that bitch? Didn’t ya hear? She’s dead.”

Jack stood there a moment, staring back at the drunk in shock. He was unsure if he heard him correctly. 

“What?” He demanded.

“One night several months back we got into a fight. Then she hopped in the car and sped off from here. I had no idea where she was goin’. It was raining and she must’ve been too upset to drive because she crashed into an embankment and it killed her.” 

Jack felt tears form in his eyes but he quickly blinked them away. He would not let his father see him cry.

“You sick fuck! You’re lying!” 

“I’m not lying, Jackie. That’s what happened. Go look at the cemetery. She’s there.”

Jack wanted to hit him so bad. Why was he being so casual about this? He shoved Scott out of the way and stepped inside. The house was a wreck and smelled strongly of booze and weed. Dishes were piled in the sink and trash littered the counter and the floor. Maybe his mother really was gone. He refused to believe it.

“That’s not what happened! Where is she?” 

“What part of ‘she’s dead’ don’t you understand? Did you hit your head too hard out there or something?” 

Jack grabbed Scott up by his shirt collar, slamming him against the wall.

“You did this to her! Don’t tell me it was just a fight. You probably beat her until she bled. She wouldn’t’ve had to drive off like that if you’d just left her alone. You fucking piece of shit!” Jack screamed.

“Oh, look atcha all riled up. You think you’re some tough soldier guy now? You’re still the same weak little boy you were when you left.” Scott taunted.

Jack lost control and punched him in the face. Scott staggered backwards and tried to counter but lost his balance and fell over. Jack shook his head. This was pathetic. He could’ve really hurt him if he wanted to but he decided against it. This asshole wasn’t worth it.

“You…get out of my goddamn house. Go! Pack the shit in your room and leave. Take that black pick-up with you. I’m getting tired of looking at it.” Scott shouted from the floor.

“Fine. I wasn’t planning on staying anyway.” Jack muttered as he walked towards his old bedroom. 

He slammed the door shut as he entered and sighed. The tears came back again and this time they were harder to keep down. The realization hit him like a brick wall. His mother was dead. He didn’t even get a proper goodbye.

Jack ran his fingers through his hair and forced himself to focus on the task at hand. He needed to pack his things and get out. Quickly. If he stayed longer than necessary Scott might go off again. He did not have the energy to deal with that a second time.

His room was the same way it was when he left, except the dust and the cobwebs on the ceiling. The posters of his favorite bands were still on the walls. His drawings and sketchbooks were still there. His pocket knife was still on his nightstand. His bed was still made up and his clothes were still in his dresser and hanging up in the closet.

Before he got to work, Jack looked for more comfortable clothes to change into. He settled on a dark brown t-shirt and jeans. He gained a lot of muscle mass and grew a few inches taller while he was gone so it was hard to find clothes that fit well. 

After he got dressed, he went through his closet and his dresser and put his clothes in some cardboard boxes he found. He left the clothes he didn’t want or knew for sure he couldn’t wear. He also packed his music, his sketchbooks, his journals, his pocket knife, his skateboard, a few photos he had, and other useful things like a flashlight. He had no clue where he would go from here and what he might need.

He moved the boxes of stuff out into the hall. Double checking himself, he went through everything again to make sure he didn’t leave anything behind. Seeing that he was good, he stacked the boxes and carried them out to the truck, putting them in the passenger seat.

After a few trips, Jack hauled the last of his stuff towards the door. As he started to leave, he glanced over at Scott one last time. He was downing a beer and eating potato chips like an absolute slob. He didn't even look up. He couldn’t be bothered to at least say goodbye to his son. 

So why should I? Fuck him. Jack thought angrily.

He scooped up his things and flung the door open. A rage that Jack didn’t fully know the reason behind swept over him. He darted out to the carport where his truck was, not even bothering to close the door. He tossed the box inside as he climbed in the driver’s seat and sped out of the driveway. 

He was getting the hell out of here but first he actually listened to his father for a change and went to the cemetery to find his mama. 

…

The cemetery was less than 10 minutes away from the house and near a small church, which Jacqueline attended often. Jack used to go with her a lot, especially when he was little. He never fully agreed with or understood the Christian faith. He guessed there was some kind of higher power out there but he wasn’t really sure what. He only went with his mom when he was a teenager because it made her happy. 

Jack parked at the church and walked to the graveyard. The rusty gate made a screeching noise as he opened it. He trekked solemnly through the grass and scanned the rows of headstones for his mother’s name. 

Eventually he found her by a willow tree in the back corner. Wildflowers grew in abundance at the base of the tree and along the fenceline that surrounded the cemetery. Jack picked a handful of the blue and purple ones, knelt down by Jacqueline’s grave, and laid them in front of the headstone. He read the engraving and sighed as his suspicion was confirmed. 

Jacqueline died a few months into his third deployment. He understood why he didn’t find out at first because he was away from any US bases in Afghanistan where communications were. But when he came back to base after they were attacked, why didn’t he find out then? Maybe things were so hectic it was the last thing on people’s mind but still. He should’ve found out a long time ago.

Tears welled up in his eyes again and finally he let them fall. His poor mama didn’t deserve to suffer like she did and die so horrifically. He could only hope she went quickly and painlessly but he would never know for sure.

“I’m so sorry, Mama. I should’ve been here.” Jack sobbed.

He rested his head against the gravestone and just let himself openly weep for a bit. It had been a while since he had a good cry. He was already dealing with a lot. Trauma from the war, the hideous scar on his face, and now this. It was starting to feel like his life was slowly falling apart. 

Jack kissed his hand and then touched the gravestone. “Bye Mama. I love you. Always.”

Composing himself, he wiped his eyes before he stood up and walked back to the truck. He pulled out of the parking lot and started back down the road with no absolutely no idea where he was going or what the plan was. 

One thing was clear. He had to get out of here. This town held too many bad memories. If he was going to move on and get better, he needed to start over completely. The highway seemed like the best option right now. He’d take it until he figured out what to do. It wasn’t a very strong plan but it worked for now.

Jack finally hit the main road, leaving the small town in the dust. He was going 10 miles over the speed limit but he could care less. He was mad. This was not fair.

“Stupid bastard! Can’t even spare the decency to take her death seriously. I mean, what did I expect, but still! And I didn’t find out until now?! Almost three months later? No one stopped to think hey maybe we should tell her son! Oh no, he’s overseas, we shouldn’t bother him with that. That’s kinda something I need to fucking know!” Jack vented to the air. 

He reached down and grabbed his CDs from the floor, picked one, and inserted it into the truck’s CD player. While in the army he couldn’t enjoy music as much as he used to. The opening guitar riff on his favorite album as loud as he could stand it was so refreshing. It helped him to calm down a bit. He’d crash if he kept raging like this. 

Jack was furious at Scott for treating him and his mother like shit for so many years and being indirectly responsible for her death. And then to top it off, being completely careless and unapologetic about the whole situation. 

He was also angry with himself for not checking up enough back home. But what could he do thousands of miles away? He just had to accept that there was nothing he could have done about it. That devastated him.

Jack rolled down the window slightly to let some fresh air in, the wind blowing in his face. He belted out the lyrics of the next track as it came on and got lost in the music to let out his rage. 

He didn’t understand why all of this was happening to him. He was only 24 and he already had more problems than most people twice his age. Maybe this fresh start would be good for him. Being away from everything that caused him so much pain would be the best way to heal.

A few miles down the road, a gas station popped up out of the monotony of fields and trees in the middle of nowhere. Jack glanced at his fuel gauge. It was halfway to empty. He decided it would be a good idea to stop. There probably wouldn’t be another place to fill up for miles. So he parked beside a pump and went inside the store. 

“I need 10 gallons on pump 2 and a pack of Marlboro reds.” He told the woman at the counter.

The cashier grabbed the pack of cigarettes from the shelf and handed it to him. She rang up the total and told him the amount. As he dug some money out of his pocket and paid the cashier, Jack saw a flyer on the wall promoting Gotham City. It sparked a flicker of interest.

“Pfft. Nothing there but city scum and rich assholes.” He mumbled to himself as he left the store, dismissing the idea. 

After he filled up his gas tank, he lit a cigarette and started the truck, continuing down the road. At this point he was about an hour away from home. Aside from the military, he had only traveled outside his hometown a few times and not very far. From here on he didn’t know what was ahead. He could only read the road signs and glance at his watch to see how much time had passed.

Jack groaned as he passed yet another billboard advertising Gotham. This had to be the fourth one since he left the gas station. It was like it was trying to tell him something. But he did not want Gotham to be his only option just because he didn’t know what else to do at the moment. 

He’d heard many things about the city growing up. Some (usually people trying to get students to apply for Gotham University) said it was full of exciting opportunities and new experiences. Jack knew that was probably only true if you were wealthy or smart. 

On the other hand he mainly heard it was crime ridden and dismal, full of corrupt cops and politicians, and just simply trashy. Jack didn’t know if he could handle city life, especially since he was still adjusting to being a civilian again.

He passed another sign and threw his hands up in frustration. He couldn’t give up this easily but he needed to figure this out pretty soon. Currently he had no place to go and he didn’t like the idea of being homeless for too long. 

He had to look at the pros here. Renting a small apartment would be much easier than paying for a whole house in an obscure town and then there was the question of finding a house to begin with. If he went to Gotham, he could have a quiet life in an apartment all to himself. To him that seemed to be the best atmosphere for him to deal with all the trauma and grief. 

“Where else am I gonna go? I’m not staying back home in that God forsaken place and I can’t just live in the middle of nowhere. Homeless… Ugh. Fine. If there’s nothing vacant and if it’s too expensive, then I’ll find somewhere else. This will give me a chance to start over.” Jack told himself as if to solidify his decision.

So after much debate with himself, Jack began the three hour drive to Gotham City with nothing to go by but signs and an old map he found in his glove compartment. It was getting late in the afternoon and with everything going on he was feeling exhausted and super drained. He had to smoke another cigarette and keep some music on just to stay awake and alert.

He also hadn’t eaten anything all day so hungry was an understatement. He stopped at another gas station along the way and bought a deli sandwich and some Goldfish to snack on. 

Finally after a long, tiring journey up the interstate, Jack saw Gotham City’s skyline poke out over the horizon. He breathed a sigh of relief. He was still incredibly nervous about this but at least the driving part was over. 

As he crossed the bridge into the city, he marveled at how big everything was. The largest city he’d ever been in was Atlanta when he was stationed at Fort Benning and that was just passing through. 

Despite his anxiety, he was really looking forward to this new chapter. He was ready to move on with his life. He left his abusive homelife and got out of the military. Now it was time to focus on actual adult life. Becoming an adult while in the army did him no favors. It actually detached him further from everyone else.

This was going to be a major adjustment. That was for sure.

Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Nine - Gotham

Warnings: None

Chapter Summary: Jack finds an apartment to rent and slowly gets accustomed to his new city life.

Author's Note: Not much to say about this chapter. It's a shorter one but we have officially moved into the second half of the story! Things will begin to change after this...

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @furisodespirit

If you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know! <3

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His first night in Gotham was unlike anything Jack had experienced before. Everything was so crowded and rushed. At first he drove around the city trying to figure out what to do. Finding his way around was so confusing and it was easy to get lost. Too many different avenues and street numbers. 

He decided that staying in a motel for the night was probably the best thing to do until he found an apartment. He came across a cheap motel on the quieter side of the city, in the Uptown area. Even though it was quiet it looked pretty sketchy but Jack honestly didn’t care. It was getting really late and he was desperate to find someplace to crash for the night.

After checking in and paying, Jack hid all his stuff underneath the seats in the floorboard, locked the truck, and prayed that he didn’t get robbed. Then he went to his room and immediately collapsed onto the bed. He was utterly exhausted. 

He took off his shoes and emptied his pockets but didn’t bother with the rest. He was much too tired to put in the effort. The bed was comforting and a welcome escape from his current reality. Tugging the blanket out of the corners, he pulled it over himself and nestled in. Within minutes he was sleeping soundly.

…

Holding an umbrella he found in the motel room over his head, Jack walked down the street from where he was staying to a small diner he discovered while driving yesterday. The rain was pouring down hard, drenching his boots. He closed the umbrella and grabbed a newspaper from the rack outside as he entered the diner and sat down in a booth towards the back. He ordered a cup of coffee and a biscuits and gravy platter. 

Sipping on the coffee, he scanned the newspaper for apartment ads. There were several openings Downtown and one in Midtown. Jack didn’t care about the locations since he didn’t know much about them. He was mainly looking at the price and the apartment itself. 

His food came as he was reading about the one in Midtown. He set the newspaper down for a moment and crumbled up the biscuit into the gravy. He took a bite and nearly dropped the fork in surprise at how good it was. He couldn’t remember the last time he had this. It tasted just like how his mama made it. The nostalgia sent a sharp pang of grief through his chest yet still made him smile. Even though she was gone, he would still have memories to hold on to.

Jack sighed to himself in content. The tasty food helped to settle his stomach. His nerves were practically shot. The unfamiliarity and new surroundings was putting him on edge. He hoped he would find an apartment soon so he could stop worrying and just relax for a change. 

Right now one of the openings Downtown looked like the best choice. It had lots of space and contained a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and a small living room. The great thing was it didn’t cost as much as Jack was expecting. 

Yeah, this one’s good.

He tore off a scrap piece of paper and wrote down the address from the ad. Pocketing the paper, he left some money on the table to pay for the meal and tip the waitress and left the diner. Once he was back at the hotel, he grabbed his things from the room and checked out. 

“Back on the road again.” Jack muttered as he climbed inside his truck and took off towards the Downtown area.

About 20 minutes later, he reached the street the apartment was supposed to be on and scanned the line of buildings for the correct address. From what he could tell this location wasn’t too bad. It was somewhere in the middle of run down and affluent. 

He spotted the address and pulled into a parking space by the building. As he walked in, he saw a sign above the empty front desk that said ‘office’ with an arrow pointing left so that’s where he went. He approached the door and knocked. 

“Come in!” A lady called out from the back.

Jack stepped inside timidly. A middle aged woman was standing on a chair and hanging up a picture frame. She wore a purple tank top and green shorts and had curly red hair held back by a rainbow bandana. Her eccentrically decorated office was covered in knick knacks and odd paintings. Jack bit back a smirk. He liked this lady already.

The woman got down from the chair and shook Jack’s hand.

“My name’s Lydia Vernon. I’m the landlady. Are you here for the opening in 307?”

“Yes ma’am.” Jack replied.

“Wonderful. Let’s go upstairs so you can have a look around.” 

She walked briskly out of her office and guided Jack towards the stairs.

“I’m sorry that we have to take the stairs. The elevator’s broken. The maintenance guys are supposed to come fix it later this week.”

“That’s alright. I don’t mind walking. This is a nice building you have.”

“Why thank you, mister um… Oh! Silly me. What’s your name dear? I totally forgot to ask.”

“Jack. Jack Napier.”

“Nice to meet ya, Jack. And…here we are. The 3rd floor.” 

Lydia led Jack down the hall and stopped near the middle. She unlocked the door labeled 307 and ushered Jack inside. Jack looked around the kitchen and then the bedroom, the two most important areas in his opinion. The apartment was mostly empty and had some furniture left. He took it all in and nodded to himself. This would totally do. As long as he had plenty of space, a bed, a table, and a couch, he was happy.

“Well, what do you think?” Lydia asked, looking at him expectantly.

“I’ll take it.” Jack answered with a small smile. 

“Oh that’s great. When can you move in?”

“I was hoping today.”

“That’s perfect. Let’s go back to my office so I can get your info.”

Jack nodded. They both trekked back down the stairs and sat down at the desk in Lydia’s office. She grabbed some papers out of a filing cabinet and a pen. 

“I’ll need you to fill these out while I ask you a few things.”

“Sure.” Jack said as he clicked the pen and began filling out the application.

Lydia sat down across from him and started filling out something on her side.

“Do you live anywhere else right now?” She asked.

“No. I just moved here.”

Lydia nodded and scribbled something down. “What is your occupation or source of income?”

“Um, well… I was recently honorably discharged from the Army. I’m getting disability from them.”

“Oh wow. Well thank you for your service. I don’t mean to be insensitive but, is that why you have, um…?” Lydia asked, motioning to Jack’s face.

“Yeah. I’m sorry if it caught you off guard.” Jack said quietly.

“Don’t apologize. It was rude of me to ask.”

There was an extremely awkward silence after that. Jack didn’t make eye contact and hurriedly finished the application so he could get out of the office. The awkwardness completely drained what was left of his social battery. He handed her back the application as waited as she read it over.

“This looks great. Oh, there’s a couple more things you should know. I collect rent on the third Thursday of every month. I do allow pets here just please clean up after them. And if you smoke please do it outside. Okay, I think that’s it. Here’s your key. Move in at any time. Let me know if you have any questions.” Lydia informed him. 

Jack took the key and moved towards the doorway. “Thank you. I should, um, go start unpacking before it gets too late in the day.” 

“Of course. I’ll be in touch.”

Jack shut the door and exhaled, wiping off the sweat from his forehead. 

Wow. She’s….something. He thought as he walked back out to the parking lot to retrieve the boxes from his truck.

…

A week passed and Jack was now fully settled into his new living space. He bought groceries to stock the fridge and toiletries he didn’t already have with him. This was the first time he ever lived on his own without anyone else around and he loved it. There was so much freedom that he didn’t have before. He could sleep whenever he wanted, cook whatever he wanted, watch whatever he wanted, or go out whenever he wanted.

There were of course a few things he had to do before officially re-entering civilian life. He changed his address to his new one so he could get mail, bills, and the checks he would be receiving from the military. Then he went down to the DMV and got his license renewed. It needed to be updated, especially since he didn’t look the same. He had the scar now and he was much older than in his last photo.

Jack still wasn’t fully adjusted to city life though. The city never slept. It was always noisy and always busy. People were impatient and traffic did not wait on you. He learned that the hard way and was nearly run over a few times. 

He opted to stay indoors the majority of the time. He didn’t need to work since what he got from the Army was plenty so he didn’t. Really the only times he left was to go run errands or occasionally go eat out when he didn’t feel like cooking.

Tonight was one of those nights. Jack returned to his apartment with some Chinese takeout and plopped down on the couch, settling into the cushions. He grabbed the remote and switched on the television. GCN, the city’s news channel, came on and right away he was taken aback. 

They were reporting on this month’s several sightings of some guy called “Batman." Apparently, he was a vigilante who dressed in a bat costume and armor and went around beating up criminals to aid the police. A few blurry pictures some people had managed to capture flashed across the screen. Then, a civilian was interviewed and he speculated that “Batman” might actually be a vampire.

Jack busted out laughing. The absurdity of it was hilarious to him. This was the first time in years he truly had a good laugh. 

“What the hell? Man this city is crazy…” He uttered in between giggles.

He rolled his eyes and bit into a crab rangoon. Gotham truly was one of a kind. Jack didn't know what possessed him to move here but he couldn’t find it in him to leave. The city was charming in its own strange way. Maybe one day he’d get used to it.

How would Joker react if Y/n was pregnant? What would he do? Would he want a girl or a boy? Can you write something for this? :

Anon, I'm so sorry this took me over 4 months to answer! 😭 I didn’t really know how to make this into a oneshot so I’m going to do this in headcanon format with little drabbles in between if that’s alright. This is kind of like a 'what if' situation. No way in canon would Joker let you keep a baby. But let's just pretend :3 I loved this request so thank you for the ask! <333

You understandably freak out when the pregnancy test comes back positive. You are pregnant with The Joker’s child! 

What are you gonna do? How will Joker respond? Will he leave you?

Eventually you gather the courage to sit him down one night and tell him, sobbing the whole way through because you are so scared of his response.

“J-Joker, please don’t be mad! I thought we were being cautious enough, I really did! I can get rid of it if you want-” 

But J surprises you with his reaction. He just shrugs off your hysterics and laughs. “Bunny, bunny, calm down. Is it mine?”

You look at him incredulously and shout, “Well who else would get me pregnant?! The fucking Batman?!”

Joker laughs harder. “Okay then. Why would I be mad at ya?”

You stare at him in disbelief. “Joker, do you understand what this means? We are having a baby! A tiny human! That we are now responsible for! Don’t you see how this is a problem?”

“I know, y/n. We’ll figure it out. You function just fine while I’m gone. The apartment is secluded. Nobody suspects us. You could keep the baby here with you and when I come home I can help.”

“But J, aren’t people gonna start asking questions when they see me with a newborn? And what about the baby? They’ll have to grow up knowing about you. What kind of life are they gonna have? I know this is a lot to ask and I probably shouldn’t, but if you want us to keep the baby, why don’t you just quit? It’ll make it so much easier on us.”

Joker sighs. “It’s not that simple, y/n. I can’t just…stop. I could lay low for a while and not be as active.”

“Can’t you just slowly ease out of it? Think of our kid, J.”

“I… I mean, I guess I could. It’s gonna be hard but I can try. It might take a while though. At least a year for me to get the cops off my back and then fully disappear. I could resume my identity if I need to…” 

“J, you don’t have to do all that. I just need you to step away from crime for the sake of our child. That’s all I’m asking. If we’re gonna have this baby, their father needs to be present.”

“I know. I wanna be. My father was shit. I don’t want to repeat that.”

You smile and nuzzle into his chest. “You won’t. I’m sure of it.”

During your pregnancy, Joker is constantly checking up on you and catering to your needs. He has to know you’re okay at all times.

Weird cravings? He’s on it. No questions asked.

Cramps and headaches? He makes sure you lay down and rest while he takes care of the housework and cooking like a true gentleman. 

All while he’s slowly getting out of the criminal realm by killing laying off his henchmen and letting Frost handle things until the organization can be fully destroyed.

Frost is in utter shock at Joker’s decision and cannot believe what he’s witnessing. But he’s also very happy for his friend. He hasn’t seen J this content in a long time. The idea of being a father must be doing wonders for him. Frost is also the godfather of the baby which gives him a warm fuzzy feeling he doesn’t quite understand.

Further into the pregnancy, you and J remodel your spare bedroom into a nursery. You paint it a neutral green since it's one of J's favorite colors and move a crib and a rocking chair inside. You also stock up on diapers and other supplies to prepare for the baby's arrival.

Finally the time comes for you to go into labor. 

You gasp and sit upright in bed as you feel your water break in the middle of the night. You grab J by his shoulders and shake him until he opens his eyes.

“J! My water just broke!” 

“Huh? Go back to sleep, doll…” Joker mumbles groggily and rolls back over.

You let out an exasperated noise. “J, you idiot! Get up! The baby’s coming!”

It finally registers with Joker and he jumps up out of bed. “OH! The baby. Right. Uhhh, wait here. I’ll call the doc.”

You couldn’t exactly go to the hospital in these circumstances. You wanted Joker to be right there with you when the baby was born and so did he. That wouldn’t be an option at the hospital. So Joker calls his personal doctor that he has on speed dial. His job came with many injuries and a doctor was an extremely handy person to have on staff.

While waiting on the doctor to get to the apartment, Joker lays towels down on the bed underneath you and tries to make you as comfortable as possible. 

You cry out as a sharp pain spreads across your back. “AH! J, I’m scared! I can’t do this!”

“It’s gonna be okay, y/n. You got this. I’m here.” Joker reassures you, squeezing your hand tightly.

There’s a sudden knock at the door and Joker receives a text on his phone. He gets up to go let the doctor in. As the door opens, she pushes past Joker and runs to the bedroom to attend to you. 

Joker pulls up a chair and sits by quietly as the doctor does her work, occasionally rubbing your back and comforting you when needed.

Unlike most men he isn’t grossed out or horrified by the gory sight of giving birth. He’d seen far worse before.

He watches in awe as you persevere through the pain and focus on delivering your baby. He couldn’t be proud of you.

After 8 hours of strenuous labor, it’s almost over. The doctor is encouraging you to make one final push as you grip Joker’s hand so tightly that your knuckles turn white.

“Come on, y/n. That’s it. One more push.” Joker cheers you on.

With a groan of pain, you push again. A sense of relief washes over you and then a small cry breaks out. You look up and see the doctor wrapping your newborn up in a towel and cradling it in her arms. 

“Congratulations boss, you have a healthy baby girl.” The doctor informs Joker and carefully hands the baby over to you. She leaves the room for a moment to give you and J some privacy.

You gasp as you hold the infant to your chest, the pain and exhaustion melting away. “It’s a girl? Aww, hi sweetie.”

Joker sniffles and tears up beside you. He's always wanted a baby girl. You notice him and chuckle. 

“I can see you over there, tough guy.”

Joker lets a choked sob escape his lips. “Sh-She’s so beautiful… Can I hold her?”

You’re taken aback by his sudden show of emotion but you nod and hand the baby to Joker with a smile. He cradles his daughter with a gentleness you’ve never seen from him before. Almost as if he’s afraid to touch her. He kisses her forehead softly. 

“Hi there sweet girl. I’m your Dad. It’s good to finally meet you.” 

The baby wraps her tiny fingers around Joker’s and stares up at him curiously. You laugh at the adorable display but then you realize you haven’t even named her yet.

“J, what are we gonna name her? I haven’t thought of anything.”

“Uh, what letter you thinking of?” Joker asks, not taking his eyes off the bundle of joy in his arms.

“J.” You answer with a soft smile.

Joker catches on and shakes his head. “You ain’t gotta do that, doll. Name her what ya want. I don’t care.”

“No really, I want it to be a J name.”

Joker relents with a sigh and contemplates on a girl name that starts with J. “Uhhhh, Julia?”

“Nah.”

“Josephine?”

“Eh, too fancy.”

“Jade?” 

“Maybe…”

“Jocelyn?”

“No.”

“Juniper?”

“Ooh, I like that one. Let’s go with that. Is that good with you?”

“Yeah. It’s different. I like it.”

The doctor comes in again to make sure that you are recovering well. After you get changed and cleaned up, Joker and the doctor leave the bedroom to let you rest while they take care of Juniper.

Joker adores being a father. He could now fully enjoy it after he officially retires from crime by the time Juniper is a few months old. The police are absolutely baffled. Where did he go? It was like he and his entire organization just disappeared off the face of the earth. Little do they know Joker is right under their noses in an apartment downtown.

Joker keeps an extremely low profile whenever the two of you make an outing, especially with the baby. As a disguise he wears sunglasses and special makeup over his scars. On short trips he just uses a scarf to hide them.

Joker slowly learns how to parent with your guidance and patience. You were new at this too but motherly instincts that you didn’t know you had were kicking in and you surprised yourself with how good you were at being a mom.

Joker is the peek-a-boo king. One of his greatest strengths as a dad is of course making his daughter laugh. He has more time now than ever to play and spend time with her. As hard as it was to let go, he can’t help but think that giving up his life of crime was the best decision he’d ever made.

Juniper has your eyes and Joker’s hair. When her hair started to grow, the curl pattern became evident. Though you knew the curls would be beautiful just her like father’s, they were going to be a pain to take care of.

Each night you and J take turns tending to Juniper when she cries or gets fussy. 

You and Joker are nestled together in bed, exhausted from a day’s work of parenting. The bedroom door is cracked so you can hear if Juniper cries. Sure enough a whine breaks out in the middle of the night, waking you both up. 

“Your turn…” You mumble to Joker, who’s resting his head on your chest. 

“Yes dear.” Joker says sleepily and kisses your cheek.

He sits up with a yawn and moves into the nursery. He picks Juniper up out of her crib and holds her to his chest, patting her back gently.

"Shhh. Go back ta sleep, darlin'. Daddy's got you."

She coos and slowly starts to quiet down, falling asleep in Joker's arms. He puts her back in the crib and smiles. He would always keep her safe and protected no matter what.

Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Ten - Nothing Is The Same

Warnings: Trauma responses, a bit of gore at the beginning

Chapter Summary: Still getting used to his new life, Jack wakes up from an awful nightmare and goes for a run.

Author’s Note: This took me forever sorry guys 😭 I wanted to get this posted days ago but oh well. I think it worked out better this way anyway. Side note! Jack's hair is back :D

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @furisodespirit

If you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know! <3

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The deafening sound of a Black Hawk circling overhead and explosions all around roared in Jack’s ears, making it impossible to think straight. He couldn’t aim his rifle. He couldn’t focus. It was like he lost control of his own body. 

All Jack could do was helplessly watch the destruction around him. He tried to look away but when he looked down there were bits and pieces of maimed soldiers scattered about. Someone who had just been shot in the chest bled out at his feet. Their deadened eyes bored into his.

Jack screamed as he attempted to get away. He couldn’t no matter how hard he tried. He was drawn to it by an unknown force. The scene played over and over again in a loop. The Black Hawk flying up above, the explosions, the corpses… 

The loop broke when a stray bullet hit him in the face and ripped open the flesh on his cheek, creating an oozing, gaping wound. Blood pooled in his mouth. He couldn’t breathe. The drowning sensation took over his body as he writhed on the ground. 

Jack gasped and jolted awake. He sat up in bed, panting. He ran his fingers through his sweaty hair as he tried to catch his breath. His biceps, also glistening with sweat, shone as the moonlight peeking in through the curtains reflected on them.

This had to be his strangest nightmare yet. He didn’t have them as frequently as he did that week he was discharged but they were much worse this time. He didn’t know what was better, a nightmare every night or a few a week that were horrible and would rattle him for days.

Jack glanced at the digital clock on his nightstand. It was almost 4 am. He decided that now would be a good time to go for his nightly run. He completely forgot about it and fell asleep earlier than usual because he was so tired from the lack of sleep.

After stretching his tense muscles, Jack swung his legs over the bed and grabbed his pants and black hoodie from the floor, throwing them on half heartedly. He stuffed his keys into his pants pocket and slid on his shoes before quietly slipping out of the apartment. Instead of taking the elevator, he took the stairs since they were less noisy.

Once he was down at the lobby, Jack pushed the double doors open and walked out into the street, a gust of cold air hitting his face. Pulling his hood over his head, he took off to the left and sprinted down the sidewalk. 

Ever since he moved to Gotham a few months ago, he ran almost every night. Normally he would stay out for at least 20 to 30 minutes. He found running therapeutic and a way to clear his head. The adrenaline was like a drug. A temporary fix to help him escape his problems. 

This time Jack took a different route than he usually did. He liked to switch things up every once in a while. The dim street lights provided just enough light for him to see and illuminated his profile as he moved under them, giving his jagged scar a grisly effect. To a passerby the brief glimpse probably looked horrifying. That was partly why he wore a hood over his head. 

In the end he made it all the way to Gotham River, which flowed north of Downtown. As soon as the water was in sight, he stopped and approached the nearby bridge, wiping the sweat from his brow. He dug out his lighter and a cigarette from his pocket. He lit it and inhaled the first drag, closing his eyes and reveling in the crisp scent. Leaning over the railing, he looked out over the shimmering water and exhaled the smoke, the vapor curling in different directions.

The water was oddly calming, and combined with the smoke helped to settle his nerves, which were still shot from the nightmare. A gust of wind ruffled his hair and made him shiver a little, his skin prickling at the cold. 

These days Jack didn’t know what to feel. Day and night the war stayed with him. He thought he would eventually get over this, but apparently it was still lingering around, looming in the back of his mind. He couldn’t settle back into society properly. He could barely sleep. He couldn’t go a single day without being reminded of the war in some way. His scar was no help with that. 

With a tired sigh, Jack finished his cigarette and headed back, tossing the butt into a trash can close by. As he got closer to his apartment building, he slowed his pace. He entered through the double doors just as quietly as he exited earlier. His eye was struck by a light that emitted from the office and streaked through the lobby.

Vernon is up pretty early. Jack thought as he started up the stairs.

He reached the 3rd floor and scanned the hallway for 307. Finding it, he fished out his keys from his pocket and unlocked the door. He stepped inside and shut the door, tossing his keys onto the countertop. He went to his bedroom and flopped down on his bed with a loud exhale. 

There was no point in trying to go back to sleep. It was already morning, although very early, and now that Jack was up, he would stay up. He checked the clock beside him. It was close to 5 am. He sat up with a grunt and got down on the floor to begin his usual morning workout. 

The first thing was sit ups. He could do 250 in ten minutes. Next was push ups. He could do about 150 of those. Then to finish it off he held a plank for as long as he could. His muscles were on fire by the time he was done but it didn’t bother him. It was ingrained in his head to stay in shape. He also found himself taking pleasure in the pain. It was difficult to explain.

Jack sat up and rested for a minute, catching his breath. The running and the exercises made him pretty sweaty. A shower was looking very appealing right then. So he trudged into his bathroom and slid off his clothes. Then he turned on the water and as he waited for it to heat up, gazed into the mirror at himself. 

It was a pitiful sight. His eyes were heavy and sunken in with dark circles that rimmed the bottom of them. His face was gaunt and weary. Trying to be positive, he noticed his hair was growing back. It went past his ears now. He wasn’t sure or not if he wanted to grow it all the way out like how he used to have it. He would probably settle halfway, somewhere at his shoulders.

The water had warmed up so Jack stepped in the tub and stood under the shower head. He wet his hair first and lathered it with soap. Tilting his head back, he ran his fingers through his brown locks and rinsed. He was kind of ashamed to say he hadn’t properly washed his hair in almost a week. But it wasn’t like he had to impress anyone. He rarely went out and he lived alone. He could care less.

After he was done washing himself, Jack just stood motionless under the water and took in the warmth. Resting his head on the wall, he breathed in and out rhythmically and listened to the water pitter patter into the tub. As the steam rose and wisped past his face, he felt a sense of clarity that brought him out of his sleepy haze. 

Jack shut off the water and pulled the shower curtain aside, stepping out of the tub and onto the fluffy blue mat on the floor. He grabbed a towel from the cabinet under the sink and dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist. 

Back in his room he threw on a loose navy colored tee and black sweatpants. He felt his stomach growl and plead with him for food as he walked out into the main area of the apartment. All the exercise must have worked up his appetite. He relented and went to his pantry to hunt for food. He didn’t feel like spending the time to cook anything so it needed to be something simple.

Jack settled on a pack of blueberry Pop-Tarts and slid them into the toaster slots. While he waited he poured himself a glass of orange juice and placed it on the table. Once the Pop-Tarts were ready, he put them on a napkin and sat down. He ate the pastries tentatively since they were still hot and sipped on the juice.

He made a guttural sound of annoyance and moved his tongue across the inside of his cheek where the scar was. Food, especially the sticky kind, had a tendency to get stuck there. He noticed a few days ago that he was developing a habit of messing with the inside of his mouth with his tongue and licking his bottom lip where it had a small forked crack in it. He didn’t know why. The best way he could describe it to someone else was having a sore in your mouth that you compulsively need to mess with. 

It was a gruesome, repulsive habit but Jack didn’t try to stop himself. He knew it would be hard to quit since he was going to have this scar for a long time. He just hoped nobody out in public would notice. Bearing the scar was bad enough. People already stared at him. He didn’t need to give them another reason to.

Jack sighed as he realized his life would never be the same as it once was. He had to come to terms with living with this trauma, the scar, this new environment, and the fact that he was alone. His mother was gone, his father didn’t give two shits about him, and he didn’t know a single soul in Gotham. Being a loner never bothered him before but back then he had a choice. It hurt worse when he was forced into it. 

He was already alienated from the rest of society by being in the army and having to adjust back to civilian life. The scar pushed him even farther out of the norm. He hated when he was at the store and his military ID (that he kept putting off to take out of his wallet) flashed when he was pulling out money and people, noticing the card and his scar, would always say the customary, “thank you for your service.” 

It infuriated him to no end. He could read their eyes. They pitied him. He didn’t want them to. They didn’t even mean what they said. Everyone said it because it was “respectful” or “polite.” He didn’t feel bad in the slightest for thinking like that. He took solace in knowing he wasn’t the only vet that felt this way.

Jack cleared out the negative emotions beginning to swirl within him and finished up his breakfast. He refused to have another bad day today. Yawning, he stood up from the table, gently tossed his glass into the kitchen sink, and threw his trash away. He plopped down on the couch in the living room and switched on the TV. Right now he really needed a laugh so he turned on some cartoons to pass the morning by.