Love Shouldn't Burn - Tumblr Posts

I Never Learned—God's very simple & Love shouldn't burn pt. 1

I Offered You All That You Yearned

read on ao3 | part 2 (coming soon)

⚠️Content Warnings for this chapter: self-harm, panic attacks, & self-hatred/depreciation ! PART 2 OF THIS FIC WILL INCLUDE: death/dying (major character death), grief, terminal illness, & more ! this chapter can be read as stand-alone, but if you're the type to get invested, and any of these topics trigger you, please consider skipping this story. please read responsibly!

Pairing: Luke Alvez/Spencer Reid

WC: 2.1k

Summary: “You’re right; everything possible will exist in at least one universe, but I don’t think it’s possible to not love you like this, cariño,” Spencer grins, cheeks flushing pink as Luke speaks, heart racing like a lovesick teenager. “And I think any version of me would be crazy not to ask you out.” “Mhm… and what makes you so sure I’d always say yes?” The younger brunette asks as if he can imagine it– them any other way. “Are you saying you wouldn’t?” Spencer shrugs with a smirk. “I don’t know… I had plenty of other options besides the FBI; we could’ve never met.” “I don’t think so,” Luke pulls his partner closer, almost engulfing him in his embrace, enveloping the younger agent in his arms, and Spencer has never felt so safe. “I think we’re inevitable, cariño. I know we are.” - or, 5 times luke proved to spencer that he wasn't going anywhere + the one time he had to leave

Notes: 100% self-indulgent ralvez angst dont mind me also, all posts related to his fic will be tagged with #love shouldn't burn where i'll be yelling about different things i include in this fic

One

“Do you think we’re together in every multiverse?” He asks on the couch one night.

The sun had long since set, TV screen and soft lamps illuminating the space– their space—a home they built together, pictures, books, and figurines filling the gaps in the shelves around Luke’s apartment—starts shining in the clear night overhead.

Spencer doesn’t respond right away, tucked against his boyfriend’s side, book in hand, pausing to recall what’s happening in the show that he’s only half listening to.

“The multiverse theory suggests there’s an infinite amount of universes for every decision ever made. It states that everything that could be possible is in at least one universe.”

Luke smiles as his partner speaks, listening before pulling him closer, pressing a kiss to Spencer’s forehead, murmuring, “Never change, Spence,” softly, adoration overflowing from his lips.

“You’re right; everything possible will exist in at least one universe, but I don’t think it’s possible to not love you like this, cariño,” Spencer grins, cheeks flushing pink as Luke speaks, heart racing like a lovesick teenager. “And I think any version of me would be crazy not to ask you out.”

“Mhm… and what makes you so sure I’d always say yes?” The younger brunette asks as if he can imagine it– them any other way.

“Are you saying you wouldn’t?” Spencer shrugs with a smirk.

“I don’t know… I had plenty of other options besides the FBI; we could’ve never met.”

“I don’t think so,” Luke pulls his partner closer, almost engulfing him in his embrace, enveloping the younger agent in his arms, and Spencer has never felt so safe. “I think we’re inevitable, cariño. I know we are.”

Two

Their apartment is dark when Luke gets home.

He treads carefully, wading through the still silence to turn on a light, frowning as the living room unfolds in the lamplight.

Spencer’s presence, Luke has learned, is loud, and he loves it.

It’s books and papers scattered and stacked haphazardly across floors and surfaces and some constant noise—hums or whistles, music, the TV, audiobooks, anything.

It’s a warmth against his side, curled up with a soft blanket and a book, coffee with too much sugar, and burnt meals but perfect pastries filling their kitchen, Spencer explaining the science of baking while they scrub the charred reminds of their dinner off their last good pan.

And it’s every light in the apartment on, brightness barely holding a candle to the spark in his eyes, a flame burning with brilliance as he speaks, words building new worlds with every idea that Luke could live in forever, listening to his partner until the end of time.

But it isn’t this—an empty living room with Roxy curled up on the couch, alone while she waits for her owner to arrive, the floor devoid of books, files, and dirty dishes, and Spencer’s favorite blanket missing from his reading chair.

“Rox,” Luke’s voice shatters the silence settled over the empty space, barely above a whisper as he speaks, frowning when he finds the lack of life in their apartment. “Where’s Dad, Rox? Where’s Spence?”

The shepherd stands, walking over to him with a sad wag of her tail and a whine, nuzzling Luke’s hand.

“Where’s Spencer, Roxy?”

She paces to the closed bedroom door—which they usually leave open to allow Roxy to come and go as she pleases—whimpering as she sits down.

“Good girl,” Luke whispers, swallowing the lump in his throat as he enters the bedroom, stopping to stare at their made bed in the dark. “Stay here, Roxy. Stay.”

His hand hovers over his hip instinctually, reaching for a gun that isn’t there as his gaze sweeps the room, landing on the light flooding from the crack under the connected bathroom door.

“Spence?”

His heart hammers as he approaches the door, holding his breath as he listens for his partner.

“Cariño? Can I come in?”

It’s silent for another suffocating second, and then:

“Luke?”

“Spence? Baby? Is everything okay?”

A choked sob escapes through the door, and Luke has to stop himself from bursting in, taking a steadying breath while his chest aches.

“Spencer?”

“I’m sorry– Yeah– Yes, you can come in. I’m sorry.”

He takes a tentative step inside, stopping in the doorway at the sight of Spencer curled up in the corner, cradling his arm against his chest with a blood-stained towel wrapped around his wrist.

“Oh, cariño–”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry–”

Luke’s by his side in an instant, immediately pulling his partner into his arms, tucking him against his chest, tears soaking through his shirt.

“Shhh… it’s okay, Spence. It’s okay. I’m not upset. Okay? I love you. It’s okay,” He murmurs a string of reassurances, running a gentle hand through Spencer’s hair while he starts sobbing in earnest, shaking in his boyfriend’s arms.

“‘M sorry. I’m so sorry–”

“It’s okay, cariño; I promise.”

“No, ‘s stupid. ‘S so stupid, and now you’re gonna–”

“No. No. Listen to me. I’m not going anywhere, Spence. I’m not leaving. Okay?”

Spencer spent the first few months of their relationship tiptoeing along the edges, dancing around the other agent, one foot already out the door, terrified of being left behind again and ready to run at the first red flags, especially after Luke learned how stupid his, supposedly genius, brain can be, but it never came.

“I’m not leaving, Spence. I love you.”

Three

“Do you want to get married?”

Luke hits the brakes, just short of slamming them, tires screeching to a stop in the middle of the empty road, his heart hammering as he looks over at his partner, seemingly unphased by everything, and usually, the older brunette would be too, they talk about their future all the time, but–

“Jesus, Spence. You’ve been nonverbal for the past four hours, and you start with that?”

Spencer blinks at him owlishly.

“Well, I’m not proposing–”

“You better not be. I want a candle-lit dinner and a ring,” Luke laughs slightly at his joke as he starts driving again before adding, “That was a joke. Just– maybe not while we’re on a case.”

The younger brunette humors his boyfriend with a sarcastic chuckle, nodding.

“I was just thinking about it; we’ve talked about it, but it’s always been like…” He pauses, searching for the right words. “We’ve been talking about it forever–”

Since their first date, actually.

Luke doesn’t remember how the conversation started—Spencer probably does—but they were in the middle of dinner when–

“Do you want to get married?”

He nearly spat out his wine right there, caught off-guard while his partner apologized profusely.

“But we’ve always talked about it like it’s our future, and now it’s been a few years, and my mom is–” Spencer frowns, shaking his head. “I’m not proposing, and I get if you aren’t ready or don’t want to, but–”

“Yes.”

Spencer freezes, his turn to gape at Luke while the older agent drives, eyes wide and bewildered.

“Yes, I want to get married. Not yes to your not-proposal,” Luke smiles softly, still staring at the road ahead as he takes one hand off the wheel, resting it on his partner’s bouncing leg. “But I will say yes if you beat me to it, Spence; you don’t have to worry about that. I’m all in.”

Four

Luke has always been competitive.

And Spencer likes winning, sure, and he’s never been one to take it slow, but he’s more ambitious, more goal-oriented, rather than focusing on the competition, looking ahead instead of behind.

Luke, on the other hand? Competition is in his blood, so naturally—of course—he beats Spencer to it.

The day starts with breakfast in bed, which Luke eats most of (Spencer has never been a fan of breakfast), and cups of coffee, one with too much sugar and the other iced, lounging in their room, the younger brunette using his boyfriend as his space heater, freezing fingers pressed against his chest.

Then, it’s a walk with Roxy in the park, stopping to play a few chess games—Spencer, predictably, wins all of them, even after going easy on Luke—and the older agent playing catch with his canine while his partner challenged some more advanced players.

And by the Smithsonian, Spencer knows his boyfriend is planning something as he leads Luke through the different exhibits, listening to his partner with lovesickness plain as day across his face, but the genius doesn’t call him out; he’s learned to love Luke’s surprises, even when he sees them coming.

He figures it out while they’re walking through Bishop’s Garden, his heart hammering in his chest as he follows Luke down a secluded path to a stone gazebo, pausing to press a kiss against his partner’s forehead.

“Spence.”

“Luke.”  He smiles, his face flushing red as he leans in for another kiss before his boyfriend steps back, lingering for a second, silently asking for permission.

Spencer nods.

“Yeah?”

I’m all in.

“Yeah.”

And Luke kneels.

Five

Spencer’s ring is silver with delicate details engraved in the material, declaring Luke’s love in three languages inscribed along the inside, and it’s painfully perfect.

“Spence? Are you in there?”

Luke’s is gold, like the sun, shining against his skin, and so simple.

“Cariño? Can I come in?”

It’s a perfect metaphor for their relationship because Luke—the one who picked the silver ring, planned, and proposed—is perfect, and Spencer, genius and all, in comparison, is plain.

Because what good is brilliance if he can’t use it? 

What are the benefits of a genius brain if it spends half its time self-destructing, sending Spencer spiraling on what should be one of the best days of his life, instead, holed up in the bathroom, unable to hear anything over the deafening roar of his racing heart?

“Spencer, I’m coming in. Okay? It’s just me.”

The door opens slowly, Luke slipping through the slight crack and shutting it again, pausing when he finds his partner on the floor in the opposite corner, hands running through his hair, desperate to tug on the roots until everything finally fucking stops.

“Spencer,” The older brunette sits across from him slowly, signing as he speaks, unfocused eyes finding his hands. “What’s wrong? How can I help?”

He shakes his head, fingers making fists, not pulling—yet.

“Come on, cariño–”

Spencer grabs his hand mid-sign with possessed aggression, nails nearly biting his skin as he passes something into Luke’s palm before pulling away as if the contact burns, curling further into the corner with silent cries.

Luke stays still, staring at the silver band in his palm, feeling its warm weight on his hand, hearing how it sounds against his own.

“Okay, Spence,” He speaks softly, still holding the ring protectively as he settles against the opposite wall. “We’ll talk—or sign or write, whatever you need—about this when you’re ready; take a few minutes to let your thoughts settle. Okay? I’ll be here the whole time.”

Spencer doesn’t respond; Luke wasn’t expecting one, letting them lapse into silence, save for the soft sound of the younger brunette rubbing his knuckles together and the occasional hum while he rocks back and forth.

“I’m sorry.”

Spencer’s voice is ragged and forced, exhaustion evident as he speaks.

“It’s okay, Spence,” Luke doesn’t hesitate, still signing his words as he pulls away from the wall to face his partner. “Don’t force yourself.”

Tears well up in the corners of the younger brunette’s eyes, threatening to overflow as he buries his face in his hands, shaking his head.

“Spence–”

“It’s stupid!” He shouts suddenly, sobbing while he grips his hair. “This is so stupid! I– It’s– I can’t–”

“Frustrating,” Luke offers softly, finding the words his partner can’t. “It’s frustrating, Spence, not stupid. You are not stupid.”

“It is! I am! Because I’m a grown man and can’t just be normal. I want to be normal.”

“Normal isn’t real, cariño; it’s made up, just like gender roles and taxes–” That earns him a soft chuckle. “I get that it can be frustrating sometimes, being so smart, but your brain just won’t listen, but you aren’t alone. Okay? Everyone is always here to help, just like you’re always ready to help them, and we–”

Luke takes his hand, kissing his knuckles before slipping the sliver ring back onto his finger.

“We are in this together now, cariño—for better or worse—which means that I will always be here to remind you that being normal is boring, and you can remind me of everything else. ‘Kay?” Spencer nods, smiling as Luke helps him stand, wiping a tear from his cheek. “For better or worse, Spence; it’s us against the world.”