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I LOVE DAD PRICE 😭😭 I NEED MORE OF THESE

Kid!Y/N : Do you think we’ll make it out of this alive?

Dad!Price : ……It’s a parent-teacher conference.

Kid!Y/N : That doesn’t answer my question. 😒

Zoya: that was the weirdest job i have ever been on . Nina and her friends are crazy

Genya: what did they do?

Zoya: well, we had to break into a fancy ball that only accepted couples but...something happened...

(THE DAY BEFORE)

Zoya: this is ridiculous...just, pair yourselves up with your real partner!

Kaz: your majesty, this is a job, you don't mix bussiness with pleasure

Zoya: and they lets say that for some reason decided to have a fake disfuntional marriage

Jesper: You never take care of my needs!

Nina: and what about MY needs, Ferdinand? WHAT ABOUT ME?!

Jesper: You love that wine more than you love me!

Nina: At least the wine makes me feel good!

"Jesper gasps and storms out , Nina storms out to the other side and both give each other and Zoya a big smile and thumbs up, while she gives a facepalm "

Inej holding a fake cigarrette: oh yes, marriage is a big compromise , you have to hold on to the life you just settled on and if you don't like it then you must pray for the patience to wait until years finally make him wither...or learn to make poison if your patience is not enought...oh just kidding!

"the ladies on the table giggle while Matthias stares in cold sweating"

Zoya: Only Brekker made an effort to make it work

Kaz on a completely stoic tone : Oh yes, snuggleboo here is a great lover, my money is all going to repair beds

"Wylan spits his drink"

Kaz: He is like...obssesed, completely overwhelming. He almost didn't want to come here because well, lets say he...

Wylan whispering: Kaz, what the hell are you doing?

Kaz: People were talking how unaffectionate we look, i have to make it convincing and the options were either hold our hand or this, guess which was the viable option. Now in two minutes i need you to jump and pretend i pinched your butt

Wylan: Kaz this is...oh gross, now i am picturing it

Kaz: great, get in character

Wylan: oh for the saints

Kaz: top ten things i said on my honeymoon

Wylan: just stop

Kaz: top ten things i didn't say on it

Wylan: aagh!

Kaz: okay, you are making this way too easy

(planned this to have a different punchline but would have to make like two or three parts)

i did a thing

flickers [ chapter six. ]

summary: in which lucas gets roped into the cliche to trump all cliches—fake dating charismatic film major, eliott demaury.

etc: this kinda hurts <3

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Eat, Drink, and be Married

Crick accidentally gets himself engaged to Temenos.

a.k.a. Temenos is feral and cannot be stopped

also posted to AO3 under AnkalagonDrakka

Three days after the pontiff was laid to rest, Crick and Temenos were finally given leave to return to Flamechurch. It seemed like an eternity ago that Crick had first escorted Temenos along the path to the cathedral, and now here he was, walking with the Inquisitor back to the town and it’s small parish. The mood was certainly heavier this time, and Temenos’ face was set in stoic apathy. Crick found that he couldn’t ignore how unhappy Temenos was. And it was perfectly justified, given the man had just lost a beloved mentor, and yet… He wanted to do something, say something, to draw that spark back into the cleric’s eyes. But what…?

Crick wracked his brain for a moment before he finally settled on what he thought was a safe topic. More fool him for thinking so. “Say, Temenos, I noticed some of the clergy back in Flamechurch had rings on their marriage finger.” Temenos glanced over at him from the corner of his eye and raised a brow, silently urging him to elaborate. “It’s just, I didn’t know clerics married.” Crick cringed mentally and berated himself. Why wouldn’t clerics marry? They were people just like anyone else, and it wasn’t as if the church forbade it. Stupid, Crick! Stupid!

Temenos was quiet so long that Crick thought he wasn’t going to answer. He jumped a bit when Temenos finally responded, “Mm, it’s not common, per se, but some do; for instance, if they feel a particular calling to someone. Most often, clerics and Sanctum Knights will marry each other given how much potential overlap there can be in assignments.” The Inquisitor shrugged and then cut a meaningful look at Crick that the knight, for the life of him, couldn’t decipher. “But for many, the position of a clergyman is simply too much work to try to balance with a spouse or a family, so many choose to dedicate themselves fully to the church rather than a partner.”

“Oh, I see. Then, are you not married, Temenos?” Crick assumed the work of an inquisitor must be more demanding than many of the other jobs within the church, but that didn’t mean Temenos was unattached. “I am not,” Temenos said, lifting his left hand from beneath his cape to show off his unadorned fingers. “But why the interest, Crick?”

Crick blinked and squeezed the pommel of his sword where his hand had just been resting loosely atop it, until his leather glove creaked in protest. That felt like a rather leading question, even if Temenos kept his tone light. “Oh, um, I was just curious, is all. I knew some of my superiors were married, but I didn’t know their spouses were likely clerics.” He couldn’t just say he was trying to distract Temenos, right? And he had given a plausible enough answer, he hoped that the Inquisitor wouldn’t think him strange, or worse; simple.

“Curious, you say?” It was just a small thing, the way Temenos’ eyes narrowed and his mouth quirked up, but he suddenly looked unsettlingly devious and sly, like a fox in the hencoop. It immediately put Crick on edge. This was exactly what Crick wanted, to see some spirit return to the Inquisitor, but did he have to look so… ominous? “Could it be you wished to know so that you might initiate a proposal of your own?”

Crick choked and nearly tripped over his own feet. “W-what!?”

“My, my, how forward of you, my little lamb; how bold!” Temenos cried, pressing a hand against his chest and leaning against Crick in a mock swoon. “And we’ve only just met!” Oh, Gods help him, what had he done!? He had no clue if Temenos was serious or just having him on, but he had to put a stop to this right away. “No! That’s not what I—”

“Very well, I accept,” Temenos chirped, looking as cheery as he had the day Crick met him not even a week ago. “How could I refuse such an offer from a strong, handsome knight like yourself?” Temenos reached out to pat Crick’s cheek with a soft hand before he spun around and skipped down the path. The man was honest to Aelfric skipping now, laughing merrily as he pulled ahead of Crick, the head of his staff gleaming in the dappled light as he went.

Crick tripped after him, pale and flushed and sweating all at once. “Temenos, wait!”

Temenos kept talking as if he hadn’t heard Crick at all, already laying out plans for a marriage Crick had never actually meant to propose. “Now, I would prefer a winter wedding, myself, but I am certainly open to suggestions.” He tossed a look over his shoulder back at Crick and, sounding both condescending and overjoyed, said, “And don’t you worry, little lamb, we can stop at the jewelers as soon as we get back to town so you can make a proper proposal.”

Crick gaped, absolutely gobsmacked. He was pretty sure Temenos wasn’t joking now. He wasn’t even trying to keep up with Temenos anymore, and eventually came to a complete stop in the middle of the path as Temenos’ laughter and skipping footsteps faded before him. It was official. The Inquisitor was actually insane. And apparently Crick was engaged to marry him now. By all the Gods, what had he just gotten himself into? He had just wanted to lift Temenos’ spirit a bit.

Well, he’d lifted his spirit alright. Maybe a little too well.

This had to be a conflict of interest, he was sure of it, especially with an investigation going on. But apparently that meant nothing to Temenos, who had already proven to be morally questionable at best. But there were worse people to get accidentally engaged to, right? Right? Crick shook his head and began walking again, dazed. He was pretty sure that man was going to give him an ulcer. Or a heart attack.

Gods, he was so screwed, wasn’t he?

Finally getting around to finishing penumbra and Puck Falco is skrungly as hell🥺