Nct 127 Imagine - Tumblr Posts

the best present ever

idol bf!jungwoo x afab reader

18+ mdni, angst, fluff, smut

summary:  you’re done with your finals for school, and jungwoo has finished his promotions for the year which leaves you guys hanging out days after christmas. you’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and need some time with your boyfriend. but besides these christmas presents, there are other secrets and feelings you’ve been hiding from each other.

wc: 6.5k (oh that’s not–)

cw: very self-indulgent omg, petplay? (use of dog ear headband, collar, tail buttplug and leash), switch jungwoo, tit fucking, unprotected sex, creampie, breeding

fuck me, you think to yourself as you stand outside waiting for your boyfriend to come open the door. 

it had just stopped raining but the wind was still howling into the dark night. your whole body shivers as another gust of chilling, cold air strikes again with no mercy. it probably wasn’t the best idea to wear this thin long sleeve dress, but you wanted to look nice for jungwoo since you haven’t seen him in so long—four months to be exact. yet you’re quickly starting to regret it as your body trembles again and you almost drop the presents you have in your hands. from where you’re standing outside, you can hear jazz music playing very faintly accompanied by the sounds of pots and pans crashing. 

you’re exhausted from finishing your back-to-back finals this whole week. and right now, your bed is calling to you in a way it never has before—it’s luring you with a seductive whisper and begging you to wrap yourself in the sheets. but you have to make the most of the time you have with your boyfriend since he doesn’t stay for long. it’s all you’ve been looking forward to for forever now since he told you that he had a week off—three of those days which he’d be able to spend with you. so the only thing that sounds better than your own bed at the moment is, well, your boyfriend’s bed.

“hurry up…” you groan, smoke escaping from your lips. it’s freezing.

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. you repeat the word in your mind as if it’s going to make you any warmer. 

you’ve had quite the day, well, week. or months… it’s been rough, to say the least. all you need right now is to see your boyfriend, but he has you waiting for so long that your legs are going numb.

the next gust of wind has you turning around and heading back to your car though. but that’s when jungwoo finally opens the door, only to see you walking away.

“hey! where are you going?” jungwoo asks. he cocks his head as he dries his hands off onto his stained white apron. 

“home! since you don’t want me here!” it was supposed to be sarcastic but it doesn’t mix well at all with how irritated you’ve become because, once again, it’s fucking freezing. and you honestly weren’t in the best mood.

jungwoo comes running up to you and snatches the gifts you have with one hand. he plants a quick kiss on your forehead followed by a quiet sorry, love as he walks you back to the door.

when you’re both inside the house and into the living room, he places the gifts down on a table nearby. and then he immediately grabs both of your cold hands and begins rubbing his thumbs softly over them in small, gentle circles. 

“forgive me, baby. I was getting dinner out of the oven when you rang the doorbell but then I realized the rice was burning on the stove and so I had to deal with that but then because of the rice I almost forgot about the food in the oven so that almost burned too and then I accidentally knocked over a tray I had left out from way earlier and I just got distracted and I’m really sorry I really didn’t me-”

you cut off his nervous rambling by kissing him. it’s been a while since you’ve done that. and that’s what it takes for warmth to consume your body, the cold’s unforgiving grasp vanishing once and for all. it was one of those short yet intimate ones, and you can feel jungwoo holding himself back as he pulls away from the kiss—as if another one might be too dangerous. 

“it’s okay. I was just in a rush and forgot to bring a jacket to cover up. I was really excited to see you.” 

your boyfriend still has this dazed, almost hungry look in his eyes after the kiss, but he sighs in disapproval.  “you need to take care of yourself, baby. I can’t have you being sick when I just got back.”

“I know,” you say, nervous and flustered.

“but you do look really pretty, as always. that dress looks amazing on you.”

“thank you, woo.”

the aromas and the delicious colors of the food finally rush up to your nose and your stomach sings out an embarrassing noise of hunger. you hope jungwoo doesn’t notice it, but he’s already walking to the dining room not far from where you’ve both been standing.

“come take a seat, darling,” he says sweetly.

he pulls out a chair for you at the table. 

you follow him and sit down. you can still see the living room from here and notice that the whole house has been decorated. but what catches your attention the most is the tall christmas tree that basically kisses the ceiling and the dozens of presents sprinkled all throughout the bottom. it’s straight out of a movie, really. christmas was a couple of days ago, though. he hadn’t had the chance to spend the actual holidays with you because of promotions and he had already stopped by his family’s place before this, so you wondered why he had that many left over.

you snap out of your thoughts as your boyfriend arrives with several plates in his hands and sets them on the table. you get up to help him but he grabs your shoulder. “ah, ah, my love. you stay here. I got it,” he places down a plate in front of you and kisses the top of your head and then rushes back into the kitchen. 

he brings out a couple more before the whole setup is complete–the middle stretch of the table full of different kinds of dishes surrounding a large bouquet of red roses in a vase right at the very center. he serves you the food before you have the chance to do it yourself. with the jazz music playing softly in the background,  you can’t help but swoon over all of his sweet gestures.

“enjoy, my love,” he says.

he looks so proud of himself and you find that so cute. but those words are all it takes for you to start scarfing down the food.

“oh my good, woo, this is… this is...just…wow,” you say in between bites. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too, baby,” he says as he stares lovingly at the sight of you eating like a pig. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

the both of you are plastered on the couch with full stomachs and watching cheesy christmas movies. your head is rested near his shoulder as he has his arm wrapped under your waist. you close your eyes because you feel so content and loved. you snuggle up to his chest even more and bask in the smell of his intoxicating and irresistible cologne—he knows you love that one the most.

jungwoo giggles at a scene from the movie and pulls your body closer to him. you feel like you’re melting into his touch and his love.

“baby?” jungwoo coos.

“hmm?” you hum.

“i’ve missed you so fucking much, you know that, right?”

“i’ve missed you too. you have no idea.”

“I can’t believe you’re here with me right now. I think about you all the time.”

you just open your eyes and watch the movie more closely and don’t really give a verbal response, and instead just continue cuddling with him. and you think nothing of it until jungwoo shifts in his seat minutes later.

“can you look at me, baby?”

you turn to face him and give him a weak smile before watching the movie again. you’re still not used to looking at him in the eye without feeling shy; he still has that effect on you. 

“let me see your face.”

you turn again but this time he has a concerned expression on his face, eyebrows furrowed.

“is everything okay?” you say.

“that’s what I wanted to ask you.”

“yeah, of course. I’m just a bit tired, that’s all.”

“you sure?”

“yeah.”

“well, I’m not too sure about that. something’s wrong, I can feel it. you’re not mad about earlier, are you?” 

you shake your head no.

but he still continues to apologize: “I’m so sorry, love, I didn’t mean to leave you out in the cold like that.”

“nothing’s wrong. and I'm not upset about that anymore. like I said, I’m just tired.” however, the words come out with a certain tinge of anger that doesn’t make what you said believable— like at all.

he continues staring at you—his eyes trying to pry your feelings from right out of your heart and your rib cage. it’s like he can read the very back of your mind now. you feel vulnerable and exposed at his interrogation.

and for some reason, even though you weren’t necessarily that sad or upset at all before, all these emotions you had bottled up over the time he was gone started flowing back to the surface.

and then you’re just sobbing into your hands.

jungwoo is taken aback by this, but he doesn’t hesitate to grab you and straddle your legs around his hips.

your hair is tied up into a ponytail but he swiftly undoes that, sliding off the hair tie you had on.

he runs his fingers through your hair, massaging the back of your head as he proceeds to catch your tears as they fall and pour down by kissing your cheeks.

all of this is too much affection for you to handle and it clouds your mind and your judgment so you just find yourself grinding on his hips to feel him more, but he stops you by placing a firm hand on your stomach. you feel his rings pressing into you.

“not now, baby, tell me what’s wrong.”

“that doesn’t matter, woo, I want you.”

“I want you too, love, but I need you to talk to me.”

“I just… I don’t know.”

through the tears, you catch a glimpse of his caring and sympathetic puppy eyes and you just cave. it feels like there is needles in your throat and they’re choking you, but you push through and tell him everything you’ve been trying to hide in the darkest abyss of your mind—the family drama, the stress from school and friends, and really just how small and lonely you’ve been feeling when he’s been away. it all just comes spilling out but it’s like blood on a white carpet; there’s no turning back. 

you’re not too sure how much of it was understandable because you were choking on your sobs so much, but after you’re done, he just holds tight onto you.

“I… I had no idea,” he whispers.

“It’s not your fault. I didn’t tell you anything because I didn’t want you to worry. I know you have a lot on your plate too.”

“but what type of boyfriend does that make me? it makes me feel horrible that you’re going through all of this and I’m oblivious to it.” he pulls away from the embrace.

he realizes his tone of voice was too stern and harsh and that’s not the intention he wants to get across to you. so he clears his throat and tries again. “y/n… I’m-”

“no, just don’t…” you interject. you sniffle and sigh. “I don’t need you to be my therapist or anything. I don’t like that I even had to tell you all of this. I just didn't want to be a burden to you too and here I am doing exactly that...”

jungwoo looks visibly hurt by this and slowly reaches to cup his hands on your face. “dont’ ever say that again. you’re not a burden to me, and you never will. fuck, do you know how much it kills me to know that was even a thought that crossed that beautiful mind of yours? you’re my whole world, my everything. I love you. I love you so, so, so much.”

he leans in and kisses you in the most intimate way he ever has. the butterflies start fluttering in the bottom of your tummy.

when you both pull away, you can’t help the one more that escapes your lips. your boyfriend obliges immediately and kisses you again with that same passion. after that, you whisper again and he gives you one that has your heart racing, especially with the way his thumb caresses your face.

when you pull away for real this time, you open your eyes and look at him and by now he’s tearing up too. it’s a sucker punch to the gut. 

“I’m sorry, jungwoo.”

“there’s no need to apologize, baby. I know it’s been hard. and I haven’t been there for you in the way that I should or the way that you deserve. but I’m so proud of you for being amazing and beautiful and talented even when you don’t think you are,” he says. “so no, I can’t fix all your problems even if I want to, but please just let me take some of the load off your shoulders if you’ll let me. that’s all I ask.”

all you can do is mutter his name quietly… because the needles in your throat are threatening to hurt you again. but you  just feel so ashamed. so you start crying harder than before. 

however, his responses are automatic, natural, and so perfect. he just lets you fall into his arms and he places soft kisses around your ear.

“let it out, baby. let it all out~” he coos.

and that’s what you do: you let it all out. it feels like forever, but jungwoo stays with you and comforts you each step of the way, whispering and showering you with sweet nothings. he treats you so kindly, like you were fragile—a piece of fine china.

the tears stop falling eventually,  and you struggle to catch your breath as you calm down.

jungwoo smiles. “you promise to talk to me the next time you’re feeling down?”

you just nod, still embarrassed that even happened, but he doesn’t take that for an answer. “I need your words, darling.”

“I promise.”

“good.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

it’s probably almost midnight by now and it’s too late and too dark for you to go home. you planned on spending the night anyway. the movie stopped a while ago and the TV has just been stuck playing a firework screensaver. and you’ve just been sitting on his lap still, enjoying each other's company even in the silence where only the crackling of the fireplace can be heard. but jungwoo finally slices through the tension in the room with his bubbly and loud voice: “hey, I know what will cheer you up.”

he pats your back lovingly. he kisses you again. 

“you’ve done so much for me already tonight. we should just go to bed.”

you get off his lap and start walking away, but he grabs you by the arm. 

“baby, please. just open one present for me. I mean they’re all yours, but we’ll do the rest tomorrow..”

you look back at the tall christmas tree and realize all those gifts really were all for you. you bite your lip to fight more tears incoming or a smile—you aren’t sure. but you do know that your heart is fluttering and you feel so loved and happy.

“just one and we’ll go to bed after. please,” he whines in a cute tone.

“ok, woo.” who are you to deny free gifts anyway especially when he’s asking like that.

you run up to the tree and he trails behind you. your eyes scan the scene before you from left to right. there’s a mix of big and small boxes. everything’s wrapped though, all with ribbons and twine—he’s very intentional and meticulous when it comes to these things.

you feel like you should save the big boxes for tomorrow, but you also don’t want to start with a small sized one either. so search until the very back of the tree and find a medium one; it’s perfect. your eager hands grab it and take it to the kitchen table.

jungwoo can’t hide the wide eyed smile on his face but he notices that you’re hesitant to open the gift because of how delicately it was wrapped.

“just open it, love. you won’t hurt my feelings by ripping it.”

“but it looks so nice, I don’t wanna ruin it.”

you look at him and he gives you a reassuring smile, even sticking his tongue jokingly to tease you. you giggle and your focus returns back to the present. you unwrap the paper, carefully though, as if it would scream if you yanked it too hard.

you’re greeted with a simple white box.

you clap your hands in excitement before you slowly take off the lid.

but what awaits inside stops you in your tracks.

you have the lid held up in mid air and your eyes turn back to the present and back to jungwoo who is watching you now in anticipation.

it’s a box full of toys, but not the christmas present kinds of toys. it contains a dog ear headband, a dog collar, a leash, and most shocking of all, a furry tail that most definitely has a buttplug attached to it.

you are frozen, unsure of what to do or what to say. jungwoo leans over the table to get a closer look but that’s when his face drops.

“oh my gosh, baby. I don't even know how that happened. that…that wasn’t supposed to be there.”

“jungwoo…” you mumble. you just can’t believe what’s in front of you.

“It looks just like something else I ordered for you, I must’ve mixed them up,” he groans, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“well I can see that.” 

by now, you’ve dropped the lid of the box onto the table and it slams quite loudly. he flinches at this.

“baby, I… I’m really, really sorry. I’ll just take it off your hands.”

he reaches his arms out to take the box, but you hold it closer to your chest.

“no! jungwoo, if you wanted me to wear this, you could’ve just asked me. I don’t mind trying new things with you.”

he looks to the ground in embarrassment. “actually…”

he scratches the back of his head and stands awkwardly. you both are engulfed by a suffocating silence.

“look, I’m not mad at all. I just didn’t want to find out like thi-”

“IT'S FOR ME!” he yells all of a sudden. his face is flushed. his ears burn in shame. “I-I want to wear it.”

you’re both shocked at this revelation. but now you feel a wave of lust wash over you as you envision him in this gear, so adorable yet bending at your will. you feel something shift in you. your heat starts to leak at this adrenaline coursing through your veins

the chair legs screech across the tile floor as you stand up and carry the box over to the living room.

“what are you doing?”

“follow me.”

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“take your clothes off.”

jungwoo is stunned. he blinks slowly, as if he’d open his eyes and you’d vanish.

“w-what? take my clothes off?”

“you heard me.”

“I…”

“jungwoo, I’m not repeating myself.”

“but baby-”

“do you want this or not?”

he sighs and his gaze drops to the floor.

“ok…” he sounds defeated, but he starts to undress anyway.

when he pulls down his pants and plaid boxers, his dick pops out and bounces, the tip already red and leaking.

you’re sitting on the couch as you rub your legs together at the sight of this. “ok, go ahead and stand right in front me.”

it seems like his hesitation and nervousness has worn off already and he follows your instructions immediately.

his face is looking downwards,  turned to the side the whole time but his dick is speaking a thousand words—white leaking from the slit of the tip.

“kneel down.”

once he does, you grab him by the chin and make him face you. you play with his hair a bit and caress his face. his ears and cheeks are still bright red and that makes you want to control him even more.

the box is at your side now, opened, of course. you grab the ear headband and put it on his head as if it were a crown. they’re brown and compliment his orange hair nicely. the collar was a bit hard to put on at first but you get the hang of it quickly. you ditch the leash for now. but you admire the sight in front of you: he looks so cute and adorable like that. you didn’t know you needed to see your boyfriend dress up like a dog until now.

you lift your dress up to reveal your white lace panties which are now stained with your wetness. 

“take it off for me.”

he vigorously nods and his hands tremble as he slides them off. he throws them to the side and just stares at you for the next command.

“tell me what you want.”

“y/n… I want to taste you.”

“ok, then beg for it.”

“I…mmm…” he whimpers and pouts his lips.

“come on, baby~ don’t be so shy,” you coo.

you slowly drag your fingers down your entrance to entice the words out of him.

his puppy eyes glow as he brings himself more closer.

 “I need you so, so, so bad. let me have a taste, baby. please, please, please. let me make you feel good.” 

his face is now inches away from your pussy. and with every word of his begging, his breath brushes against your folds. 

“I promise I’ll do it just the way you like and more, please.”

that last plea is what makes you snap and grab him by the back of his head and close the gap between his face and your heat.

he starts lapping up your folds and licking them like a dog drinking water. he’s eating you out as if he was starving, even shoving his hands under your thighs to lift them up so he can have more access to indulge in your taste. it has you seeing stars.

you play with the ears on the headband while your whole body shakes in pleasure. “woo, you’re doing so good for me.”

“mmm…baby…love…you,” he responds.

his words are slurred as he continues to drag his tongue on your entrance, his nose occasionally rubbing against your clit which drives you crazy. he’s panting—so desperate for your nectar and your juices.

you can’t contain the moans escaping from your mouth. it’s animalistic and almost deadly the way you want your boyfriend. your heart feels like it’s going to burst from your chest.

up, down, up, down. the pattern and rhythm of his tongue is so passionate and powerful. but just when you thought you couldn’t get enough, his tongue then starts to go in and out of you. your toes curl and you grab a fistful of his hair.

“fuck, woo…I’m gonna…”

the sounds of his own moans and whimpers set you off. it’s like a knot has been undone in your stomach as you feel the release course through your body like a drug. your back arches as you scream and shove his face further into you. 

when your body falls back onto the couch, jungwoo continues to lap up what he can after. you didn’t realize just how bad the grip you had on his hair was until you saw how the headband had shifted slightly more forward on his head. you find it so adorable how disheveled he looks. but then you see his arm moving from the corner of your eye and realize that he has been playing with his dick.

“hey, I never said you could touch yourself.”

his tongue does one last lick before he pauses.

“s-sorry, baby…”

“that’s ok. that’s enough for now, anyway,” you say, calm yet commanding.

you turn towards the box and take the leash out. it connects easily to the collar.

jungwoo looks more excited than before. 

you bite your lip and take out the final, but necessary, accessory—the tail. the box also has some lube which you didn’t notice before and you take that too. you stand up and use the leash to guide jungwoo in front of the fireplace. he crawls on all fours to follow you.

“you’re so cute, woo. I like when you’re obedient.”

you pat his head. he moans, and you can see the slightest trail of pre-cum he left in his wake.

“okay, baby, I need you to stay nice and still for me. this might be too much,  so tell me if you need me to stop.”

you kneel down on the ground behind him. you lather some lube on your fingers and start to spread jungwoo’s cheeks. he trembles as you do this and you reassure him by rubbing his thigh soothingly.

“it’s ok…I’m not gonna hurt you.”

he just whines in approval but another slight dribble of pre-cum leaks onto the floor. 

you just decide to go for it and lather some lube around his hole first before shoving one finger in slowly.

“ahhh~ babyyy~” jungwoo cries out.

“shhh… it’s alright. I got you.”

“ok~”

you start moving the finger in and out as jungwoo moans in both pain and pleasure. 

he hisses through his teeth and turns his face around to look at you. he’s tearing up.

you stop when you see this, but he slides himself down on your fingers anyway.

“it’s fine, baby, it’s fine,” he reassures you.

his body trembles again but you keep going. it takes a while for the second and third ones to go in, especially because you don’t want to hurt him or anything. but once they do, jungwoo’s a mess. his arms tremble as they struggle to hold his body amidst these waves of new feelings and sensations.

“baby~ so good…” he whines.

that’s when you decide to put in the tail once and for all.  you lube it up and tease him a bit, rubbing the small yet thick nub around his hole for a bit.

“ok, woo. you ready?”

he exhales and it looks like he’s mentally preparing himself before he says: “I’m ready.”

per his words, you shove the plug in. 

at first, you can’t believe you did it so you take a step back to look at this visual masterpiece: your boyfriend is all dressed up in his gear, panting and weak and on the brink of letting loose.

his cock is still leaking, though, and you think it’s time to finally let him cum.

“such a good boy. you know that good boys get treats, right?”

it’s like the ears on his headbands perk up and his eyes glow in excitement. he shakes his hips so that the tail wags too.

you take off your dress and your bra finally. and then you crawl to your boyfriend, nudging him out of the way to take his spot. however, you lay your body flat to the ground on your back instead. the fireplace and all the passion is keeping you warm despite now both being naked. 

jungwoo stares at you with excited yet lost puppy eyes. he’s now on his knees next to you with his head tilted.

you pat your stomach and utter a soft right here. he nods and comes closer to you. he gets himself ready to align himself at your entrance but you stop him immediately.

“no, right here.”

you cock your head,  holding your tits and bouncing them in your hands.

jungwoo is about to burst at the sight of this. his body acts immediately and he puts his knees at the sides of your chest and waist area. he slaps his dick on one of your boobs. and then he rubs the tip around a nipple in slow circles as his eyes and pouted lips beg for approval. 

he’d always talk about wanting to fuck your tits before but you always said no because they were too sensitive and it would be too much for you. but at this moment right now, that did not matter. you just knew you wanted and needed to make your boyfriend feel good.

“go ahead, woo. you deserve it.”

he immediately slides his big cock in between your boobs and uses his strong hands to push them together to make it as tight as possible. 

his hips start pistoning into your chest and he lets out the sweetest and most delicious moans you’d ever heard from him. you can’t help but clench at these vulgar yet beautiful sounds. 

he notices that you’re wearing a gold necklace he got you for valentines day with his initials on it and that turns him on so much.

“fuck darling~ so pretty…” 

he starts to lose his breath. the grip he has on your boobs becomes looser and his hips start to falter. you react quickly and put your hands on top of his and squeeze them together as hard as you can even though it hurts.

you feel the tail and it’s fuzzy fur brushing along your stomach and it tickles you. it makes you laugh a bit. and you lick your top teeth while admiring how gorgeous your boyfriend is.

he continues panting and his hips relentlessly push into your chest.

you squeeze harder. “I want it all.”

his moans fill up the room as you gently coax the load out of him.

you know he’s close by the way his pace becomes even more messier.

“don’t hold back on me now. tell me how much you like it.”

“feels so much…better than I…imagined….you’re so…perfect,” jungwoo says in between moans.

“my precious woo. so close, huh?”

 “‘mmm…” he hums and nods.

“I love you.”

“aaahh~”

“say it back.”

his eyes are closed shut and he moans out again.

“please baby, I won’t say it again.”

it looks like he’s about to cry from how good it feels, and his lips tremble as his confession of love is unearthed from the deepest soils of his body and mind: “I love you!” 

he groans, and just like that, he shoots ropes all over your chest and face. he keeps repeating soft I love yous as he moves his hips, his knees now wobbling.

“good boy~” you coo as you do one last squeeze to milk out all the last drops out of him.

you both let go as he slides out and falls to the ground next to you.

he’s laying on his side and you do the same to face him. you reach out to move some hair out of his face, and then cup his face after. you just stare into each other’s eyes.

“I love you so much. you’re mine forever,” he whispers. he places his hand on top of yours and caresses his thumb on it gently.

“all yours, baby. all yours,” you whisper as jungwoo’s face approaches yours and then your lips crash into each other’s.

that, however, was all it took for him to go back on top of you, kissing with no restraint. it’s dirty and needy. tongues and teeth and moans, love bites and marks. you don’t know if it’s passion or greed, but you know that you need your boyfriend in more ways than one.

“mmm…need you inside me… please…”

“ok, baby. ok,” he says before placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

you thought he was going to take you right then and there on the floor but he lifts you up in his arms and carries you back over to the couch. he sets you down gently on your back, kissing your forehead again as he does.

you blush at how he treats you even when dressed up like that. you shiver now in the absence of the fireplace, but jungwoo rubs his hands over your arms.

“gonna warm you and fill you up soon, my love.”

you rub your thighs together at his words and his tone. you think you’re losing control here but you don’t mind.

jungwoo yanks off the leash and then grabs the lube from before and lathers it all over this thick cock. he puts some more on his hand and rubs it all over your heat, slipping in his fingers to get you ready.

impatiently, you buck your hips into his fingers to match the pace they go in and out of you.

“my pretty girl,” he murmurs.

“jungwoo~” 

“almost done, ok? just hold on for me.”

his fingers work their magic for just a while before he stops. you whine at the emptiness but know you’re going to get what you’ve been craving soon. jungwoo gets closer to you and your entrance. his expression is a mix of so many feelings but it’s mainly lust and excitement.

but that changes when he remembers he should have put on a condom first. he turns around, ready to run off.

“I’ll be right back, baby. they’re in my room.”

you immediately wrap your legs around his waist to prevent him from getting up.

“it’s fine. I want it like this, actually.”

“o-ok,” jungwoo stammers as he feigns a slight disappointment. but you know this excites him because his cock twitches twice.

he spreads your legs and then he softly slaps his cock onto your slit, but doesn’t enter inside just yet.

he slides his cock slowly up and down against you, the tip brushing against your clit just enough that it has gripping onto the couch. the lube is making it feel ten times better than it normally does.

he’s teasing you. 

and that’s the last thing you want.

you moan and drive your hips forward more. you want him. you need him. 

“jungwoo…” you moan.

you feel like you’re about to go crazy from how bad you need it and your boyfriend smirks at how the tables have turned. 

“need you… so bad…” you mewl.

“good girl… sound so pretty begging for me,” he coos.

finally, he slips the tip inside and eases it slowly into you.

the way your body knows his size and shape is something sort of magical but your walls immediately invite him in as he bottoms out. your eyes roll back as he starts to drag his cock back and forth inside you, not really giving you much time to adjust.

he places one hand on the side next to your stomach to hold himself up and the other to play with your swollen bud.

“fuck, oh my god…” you moan and you arch your back.

his hips roll into yours in a way that has you feeling like you’re going to cum again in seconds.

“so tight, darling. so perfect taking me in like this,” he coos.

he kisses you so tenderly, biting onto your bottom lip.

another moan into his mouth is all you can manage because your head is spinning with thoughts of your boyfriend and how good he feels. jungwoo, jungwoo, jungwoo, jungwoo.

his fingers feel so soft and rough. even when he’s giving it to you like this, you still want more. your love might border on that fine line between obsession but that doesn’t matter when his cock and fingers are loving you in a way nobody ever has or ever will.

“more… harder…”

he laughs a bit at your desperation  and then his hand abandons your clit. but that’s because he needs both hands to support himself as he rams his hips into yours. 

his pace has become rough and merciless but that’s what you wanted. a particularly hard thrust from him has you crying out in the most painful pleasure. you wrap your hands around his back. your slick starts to coat his thick cock, adorning it with a white ring. 

“holy shit,” you mewl, nails clawing into his back as the feeling blossoms all over you.

“that’s it, my love. go ahead and cream on me.”

you clench tighter at these words and you feel the knot in your stomach forming again.

his hips slam into you with so much force yet so much love. 

your nails dig deeper into his back.

“tell me. tell me how much you like it.”

he’s using your own words against you yet you’re so fucked out you can’t even respond.

he keeps slamming into you and you come undone.

your eyes roll back again as the release bursts through your soul and body. your body shakes and you clench tighter onto him as the waves of the orgasm wash over you.

“good girl~ that’s my girl~” he coos as he rides out your high.

just when you think it’s over as he slides out, he turns you over on all fours and inserts his cock into you again. 

his chest connects to your back and he slams into you again. your head lies flat on the couch as you take him in. he wraps his arm underneath you to pull you closer to him.

“just take it. take in all of me, baby,” he whines, kissing up in the crook of your neck. 

you just moan and scream into the material of the couch.

it’s never been like this. sex with your boyfriend has never felt this good. and you’ve never felt this euphoria and bliss to this degree and it blends dangerously with an insatiable lust and hunger. as bad as it sounds, you just want to be a vessel for his pleasure, for his every need and wish. to say his love is a drug would be an understatement. it’s essential to your being and your survival—food, water, air, sleep, and jungwoo.

“darling. please. let me fill you up. I’ll give it to you so good,” he whines.

his pace has become messier now and you know he’s about to finish. you bite onto the couch and clench tighter around him. he ruts into you with force even though he’s becoming more lost in the feeling.

he moans right into your ear and you feel every breath and whine that comes out from within him.

it’s like your souls are connecting together and dancing under a beautiful moonlight. the feeling can only be described as celestial like the gods and the stars. they seem so small in comparison to this deep seated feeling of pleasure and love. you’re not sure if your mind is leaving your body but that’s what it feels like.

“i love you, i love you, i love you…” jungwoo coos along with other sweet nothings.

“i love you,” you manage to whisper weakly as everything starts to fade into black and white.

and with that, he does one final thrust that has him finishing and unraveling. and you just lay there and milk him dry of all of his cum. 

it's silent for the slightest of seconds as you guys just bask in the afterglow of your love, catching your breath.

“god damn, baby. that was amazing,” he says into your ear and places a soft kiss.

he says some other things, but you don’t really catch them as sleep wraps you in its warm and inviting embrace.

jungwoo slides out of you and then carries your sleeping body into his room and onto his bed. he tucks you in so many blankets and then places a soft kiss on your forehead.

he smiles and warmth and happiness fills his heart—he can’t wait to see your reactions to the other presents you’ll open in the morning.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

a/n:  I got really carried away with this one but it has been brewing in my mind for weeks now. I feel like a monkey gnawing at the bars of my enclosure and cell. like you guys don't get it. orange / ginger hair woo brainrot is killing meee…

also this a bit rushed so pls be nice bc otherwise I would’ve have posted this months after christmas lmfaoooo. anyway I hope you enjoy :3

- amma

would you mind?

boyfriend!jungwoo x afab reader

18+ mdni, smut

summary: jungwoo doesn’t last long inside of you so you have to take some control.

wc: 1k

cw: unprotected sex, creampie, breeding kink, daddy kink, girl idk I was horny as fuck (still am) and I won’t him so bad

now playing: ♫ would you mind - janet jackson ♫

jungwoo hisses through his teeth as he pushes himself into you. his face dives right into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent and then letting out a sigh of pleasure and relief.

“uh, baby, shit I’m think I’m coming…”

“but you just put it in?”

“I know…”

“wait-”

“f-fuck–sorry…”

jungwoo is five strokes in before he’s emptied himself into your warm walls, his whines and moans so sweet and loud.

“oh my god, woo. seriously?” you laugh softly.

your hand finds treasure in his ruffled hair and the other on his cheek.

“what? it’s not my fault you feel so good,” he whines.

“I do?”

“yes, baby,” he says, face flushed red in embarrassment.

you giggle and then kiss the mole under his eye.

you guys are already in a missionary position so you wrap your legs around his waist to lock him in better as you can feel some of his seed begin to spill out of you.

this seems to get your boyfriend going again as he starts to rut his hips into you with rhythm.

“you’re not gonna last long this time, huh?” you tease.

“with the way you’re squeezing onto me, I might not,” he confesses with a shaky voice.

you can’t help but laugh at him a little bit. it’s so adorable.

“hey! it’s not funny. I’m trying, you know.”

his release makes it easier for him to slide in and out of you along with the little white, creamy ring of love that has formed right on your entrance.

you can tell he’s holding back to make himself last longer for you—his eyes shut closed and his whimpers more subdued.

but you don’t want that; you want him to feel good.

“come on… it’s ok. I don’t mind.”

he groans loudly when you clench around him on purpose.

you smirk at this, already knowing your next move to get him to unravel.

“please daddy. I want it so bad,” you coo.

that’s when his hips start to stutter and he looks at you with eyes full of desire.

“shit, can you say that again?”

“hmm?” you tease.

“baby p-please. i need to hear it from your pretty mouth.”

“daddy… need you to come in me so bad… please...”

you wrap your legs tighter around him, pushing him closer into your walls. and just like that, you feel yourself getting filled up to the brim with his love.

“aaa… that’s not fair…” he whimpers as his hips pathetically grind into yours, cum still shooting into you.

“you’re so cute.”

his hips are still moving into you as your walls suck him dry and your hands run smoothly along his back.

it’s endearing the way he kind of trembles in your arms but tries to hide it.

“think you gotta another one in you?” you ask.

“yeah,” he says weakly. “need to make my baby cum too.”

he looks spent already though so you decide to take matters into your own hands.

you flip him over so that you’re straddling his hips, hard cock still in you.

“h-hey!”

he tries to get up in protest but you place your hand on his chest and push his body back down onto the bed so he lays flat.

“no. it’s my turn. and I wanna ride.”

“but y/n-”

before he gets to complain more, you roll your hips onto his and it shuts him right up. instead, he whines in his sweet, honey-like voice again for you.

“touch me,” you whisper, guiding his hands to your tits.

“mmm…” he mumbles quietly.

he fondles your breasts with his huge, warm hands and pinches your nipples just the way you like. he knows all the things that get you going even at moments like these when your body is too much to handle for him.

it gets you to squeeze your walls tighter on him, earning back more delicious moans from your boyfriend. he is always vocal for you and the way you feel and that’s something you have always adored about him. you hate that he tried concealing it earlier because you laughed, but happy that he let those walls fall down.

you lean in to kiss him with passion and heat. your tongues collide as you just moan into others mouths, the pleasure only intensifying.

you alternate between moving your hips back and forth, then in slow circles, and then bouncing up and down.

the slaps of your skin and the wet sounds only ignite the adrenaline in your body.

“jungwoo~” you whine as you let go from the kiss, desperate for release.

you feel it building up in your stomach, the euphoria bubbling to the surface.

you keep riding him—riding the edge of this dangerous pleasure. his cock starts to twitch in you and you know he’s about to cum for the third time. he’s drunk on your walls and the way you feel.

he’s a moaning mess under you.

and even then, you rest your forehead on his and helplessly moan “I love you daddy” over and over again as you chase your high.

“baby…ahhh..hhh” he chokes out.

his hands abandon your boobs and head straight to your hips to guide you up and down his thick cock that is now dripping with your incoming release.

the feeling is indescribable. all you know is you need to finish and need him to finish inside you too.

“daddy… love you… love you so much…” you babble as the searing pleasure wants to rip you open.

“s-such a good girl for me.”

you hands latch onto the top of his head, gripping onto the hair they find. your mouth is like a magnet to his face, kissing and sucking anywhere it can.

“that’s it, baby, you got it.”

and your walls clench with all their might.

“yeah just like that, cum on daddy.”

jungwoo’s nails dig deep into your skin as his head tilts backwards.

then his warm ropes coat your plush walls. and seconds later, the pressure in your stomach snaps and you gush all over your boyfriend’s cock.

jungwoo helps you ride it out, hands still guiding you with care and love.

you both are at a loss for words as the rush comes down. so you just shove your face into the crook of his neck and start to plant kisses all over his neck and jaw.

“I don’t know how you do it, baby.”

“I don’t do anything special,” you say. “But I think I just made you become a daddy for real.”

he laughs at this and runs his fingers through his hair, looking at the ceiling.

“I might as well just seal the deal then, huh?”

“wait what?”

he flips you over and then pushes your knees to your chest. he inserts his cock into you again, and with only a couple of strokes, he is pouring into you for the fourth time.

once he pulls out, he uses his long fingers to push the seed back into you, making sure every last drop doesn’t go to waste.

“ok, baby…that should do it,” he says confidently.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

a/n: let’s pretend this was posted on jungwoo day ijbol. and yes I titled this after that one freaky ass janet jackson song 😭🤦🏽‍♂️

small feelings

fwb!jaehyun x afab reader

18+ mdni, smut

summary: you cannot shake off this feeling of sadness and aimlessness, and the only thing that makes you feel alive these days is having sex up with your sneaky link / fwb jaehyun. but after a particular hookup session, you realize you are certain of your feelings for him: you are in love with him. on top of all these lingering mental problems, you realize he will never love you back. so you have no choice but to push him away, and everything else too.

wc: 8k (girl bye it was not that serious)

cw: very self-indulgent im ctfu, depressed / miserable reader, very brief suicide ideation, arguing followed by a time skip, HEAVY miscommunication, some blood bc reader gets hurt from dropping a vase, kinda hurt/comfort (?), protected sex turns unprotected, creampie, petnames (baby, angel, princess), jaehyun kinda gets freaky and possessive, spitting kink, idk what else honestly I suck at this omg

OCTOBER, WEEK 1

he’s approaching. well, that is what he told you about half an hour ago. and since then, you have been scrambling around the house back and forth, trying to clean up as best as you can because something as simple as that seems to slip from your mind among other things recently.

you scan your room with your eyes to see if you missed anything, and, of course, you did: your bright purple vibrator sitting pretty on your pink sheets—of which you were using before he called. you mentally smack yourself at how stupid you are to almost leave something like that out in the open.

your heart races as you run to the bathroom to do a quick clean to at least give the illusion that it is not entirely dirty. and so you do the same for every area in the house again, even the ones he will not go in. essentially, everything besides the garage because that is beyond saving.

jaehyun won’t care anyway, but eventually the place is finally to your liking and satisfaction. you head back to your room to change into a cute, tight, and pink outfit because that is something he does care about. deep down, you know that is why he is even coming to your house after work: for your body. however, you crave his too, so, in essence, that makes you just as bad.

you have to apply your makeup quickly; he should be here soon. but as your hands mindlessly work on your face, you stare at yourself in the vanity mirror: the girl who looks back is just so…unrecognizable. and for a split second, you swear you can see her frown back at you. when you blink, though, only your pathetic reflection remains.

you try to shake off the feeling as your phone screen lights up next to you.

jae <3 : I’m here. open the door.

he doesn’t knock. he never does. and somehow, the blunt tone of the message has you feeling uneasy.

you check yourself out just one more time before walking up to the door to let him in. but as your hand reaches for the doorknob, you let a sigh escape from your mouth to calm down. you are always nervous to see him, and you can’t help but hate yourself for that.

even so, you just clear your throat and fix your posture before finally opening the door. and there you see him: the most beautiful man you had ever laid your eyes upon. and more specifically, the man you wanted to be yours.

it all happened so fast. you were in his arms. I missed you’s were exchanged even though it hadn’t even been a week since the last. the both of you gravitated towards your room in an uncontrolled, frenzied manner—kissing and crashing into the walls on the way. clothes were thrown and scattered onto your carpet.

it all happened so fast—and so naturally. he just understands you in a way no one or nothing has: he makes you feel alive when everything else inside of you feels dead.

the night is young, and your body feels like it’s on fire. he’s unrelenting. it’s a feeling that you only want for yourself but you’ll never dare to let him know that—you can’t. and still, you want more. his cock is magic and you’re falling for its vicious spell.

it’s criminal: the lewd and loud sounds that your bodies make clapping against each other while also moaning relentlessly. the neighbors can probably hear you guys going at it but that does not matter at all when you’re with him. actually, all your problems vanish when you’re with him, and just maybe, that is why you always come back for more—the escapism is a drug.

“how do you feel and taste better each time? holy shit, baby.”

his nails dig those familiar crescents into your hips as the backshots he’s giving you only become more intense—pain and pleasure in its most pure and perfect form.

“this is what you wanted, huh?”

“oh god yes,” you mewl.

“taking it so good, princess.”

you unconsciously clench tight on his cock in response and he laughs softly.

“my pretty girl likes it when I tell her how good she’s doing… so fucking cute. you make it so hard to hold back, you know?”

your back arches and your hands grip onto the sheets with such a violent and searing pleasure that can only be brought out by him.

“then don’t.”

you don’t know where this sudden rush of courage came from, and it surprises the both of you. and so after a few more thrusts into you, he slows down then stops.

“what are you implying, angel?”

“exactly what I just said. if you don’t want to hold back, there is no reason you should be.”

“is that so?”

“yes,” you say, holding back a whimper as you feel his cock twitch in your walls.

“ok, I just needed the clarification. in that case… can I take the condom off then?” he asks. his voice is firm, but somehow tender and sweet.

“jae…” you sigh, even though your heart skips a beat. “actually, I don’t know…”

“you can’t just rile me up and then back down. come on, princess. I promise I’ll be careful. I’ll pull out.”

you guys had met almost a year and a half ago through mutual friends. and then you started messing around six months into knowing each other, but you had never done it raw before with him. although you don’t hate the idea, the fact he is the one who asked first makes you nervous. the feeling might be too much; the idea of it is too much. it would be too much to bear. it would feel…intimate and romantic, almost. and that right there is something you have been trying to fight in silence for a while now.

and just as you’re about to tell him no, his long fingers trail along the spine of your back and you tremble pathetically to his touch.

“come on… you know you want it too, don’t lie to yourself.”

“well, yes, but–”

“but what?”

you don’t say anything as your mind runs in circles to find an excuse; you do really want it at your core. the thought of it also awakens something primal inside of you. that voice in the back of your head is screaming no, but everything else needs this. you need this.

“you scared? scared it’ll feel too good?” he says, rolling his hips smoothly into yours again.

“I’m not scared…hhh…” you choke, shaking as he starts hitting it from the back again.

“then what is it?”

your mind blanks other than the thought of how much better it would feel if he took it off. and just like that, you find yourself nodding your head.

“you’ll let me do that? I need a yes or a no. come on, baby,” he says, fingers tracing smooth circles onto your back.

“ok fine, n-need it off. please…” you whine as you give in.

“I got you, princess,” he soothes.

he slides out of your plush walls, and you turn your head to watch as he removes the rubber with ease. his eyes glow as he strokes himself a bit and lines himself up again at your entrance.

the tip alone has you both seeing stars, but that feeling is taken to the next level when he is all the way in—it’s cosmic.

you can’t think straight. now, it’s too much yet too little. you keep rolling your hips back to meet his thrusts because you’re so needy and desperate for more. you tilt your head back again and watch as the veins in his arms pop out as he uses force to still you from moving.

“stop it. just let me make you feel good. let me do all the work, okay?”

he slides almost all the way out—his tip latching onto your entrance—before pushing himself back with force and passion. it feels like heaven, twice as nice even, and the deep seated feeling of guilt in your gut makes it shamefully feel better. so you can’t help but fight against his strength and push yourself back onto his dick.

“I thought I told you to stop doing that,” he says, voice now stern and demanding.

he grabs a fistful of your hair into a makeshift ponytail and pulls your back up to his chest.

“isn’t that right?” he whispers seductively into your ear, licking a thick stripe along the earlobe.

“s-sorry,” you cry out.

his strokes are slow and delicious like this, but before you can really bask in the feeling, he pushes you back onto the bed, his arm somehow managing to snake around your neck like a headlock. your hands are now clutching at the sheets again, with more force if even possible. his chest is right against your back and the closeness of it all is suffocating yet so divine.

“fuck jae, s-so good…”

“god, princess. you drive me crazy, you know that, right?” he groans into your ear.

his hips now slam into yours perfectly—hitting that spot and angle rhythmically. he chokes you harder with his arm as his pace becomes faster and messier. you clench onto his dick as you feel that band in your stomach about to explode.

“let me cum inside. fuck, baby, please. let me do it,” he’s vocal in a way he never has been and it’s driving you over the edge.

you just moan, mind too fuzzy to even think or speak properly. his every move and sound feels amplified like this and it’s dizzying.

“god damn, you’re just sucking me in so good… so tight… please…” he whimpers, his pace becoming even more messier.

“jae, oh my god,” you moan.

you can barely breathe now. it all hurts so good. it’s too dangerous. it really feels like he’s making love to you and you’re scared that by letting him finish inside you, your feelings for him will become even more complicated than they already are.

“hurry up, baby. yes or no. I’m not gonna last longer the way you’re squeezing onto me. holy shit…” he chokes out.

a couple more strokes has him twitching and that makes it all the more real. your heart begins to race in a way it never has before. and soon enough, you feel that sweet and vicious euphoria rushing up to you in cathartic shivers and it lets the words roll off your tongue: “cum in me, jae. please.”

the both of you cry out as the orgasm courses through your body which leads to him shooting his warm ropes into your velvet walls.

“jae, I lo–oh my…”

jaehyun kisses your ear and continues to ride out your orgasm.

he really just fucked you so good that you almost told him that you loved him. and the sad and terrifying truth was that if you weren’t sure of that before, you were damn sure of it now. you are in love with him. he mostly likely just sees you as his booty call, and you can’t blame him because you answer every time with no hesitation.

and the worst part is that you know he will never love the real you: the one that is constantly dragged down by the demons of the past.

when he pulls out and away from you, your body immediately reacts to the lack of heat and warmth from him. the afterglow doesn’t last long before the shame pours in with no mercy.

and strangely enough, the tears start to drip down your flushed cheeks because this was it. you had given him basically all that you could. you gave him the rawest form of love you had and that still wasn’t enough for an I like you. really, what more could you expect after that? things will only go down from here.

you are ripped back into reality with the sound of him rambling.

“…all right. see what happens when you let me do my thing?” he says, so happy and sure of himself.

but your heart feels like it has shattered into a million fragments. and there was no way you could hide it. you can’t even look at him. you sniffle—tears pouring and staining your cheeks.

“uh yeah…” you mumble, wiping under your eyes with the back of your hand.

the energy in the room has shifted like a light switch, but he doesn’t take notice.

“you need to go, jae,” you whisper.

“what was that, angel?”

“you need to go,” you say, voice still a quiet whisper.

“uhhh, is everything ok? I thought–”

you turn to look at him now and he is taken aback by the pain written all over your face.

“I said you need to go. now!” you raise your voice.

“what’s wrong? was it something just now? did I go too far?”

“I don’t… I don’t want to talk about it right now. please… just leave…”

you wouldn’t want to see him ever again, actually you couldn’t stand the thought of having to pretend around him anymore knowing you couldn't be his and he couldn’t be yours.

“princess…” he sighs, placing his hand on your shoulder.

but you nudge it away and start to gather his clothes.

“what the hell, y/n? talk to me!”

the sudden switch to your name at this moment makes you even angrier for some reason.

“I need you to go! what about that don’t you understand?”

you throw his clothes at him, but his scent—the overuse of cologne to mask the stench of weed—bounces back to you anyway. they fall and scatter all over his feet and he stares at you in disbelief.

you knew you were being dramatic, but you couldn’t help it: you felt hurt. and most of all, just plain stupid for thinking there was even a slight possibility for something more to happen between the two of you—a future.

he sighs as he dresses himself lazily, not even bothering to buckle his belt.

“tell you what… what I don’t understand is why you always keep making things harder for me. just why can’t you open yourself up to me emotionally. WHAT is going on that you feel the need to shut down like this?”

“oh so now I’m a chore for you?”

“that is NOT what I am saying.”

“it is what you’re implying. I’m too much for you, aren’t I?”

“right now, yes, you are. but I need you to help me here. just TALK to me.”

your mind doesn’t register that last part, only caught up with that yes. you are too much for him. you already felt like a burden to everyone and everything in this damn world but to hear it vocalized from him even in the slightest had your thoughts reeling into dangerous territory.

you could not form the words, instead choking on your sobs.

“y/n…”

you cry as you feel so many emotions—all these small feelings you had ignored—crash over you like an unforgiving, powerful wave.

“hey, I–”

“just get the fuck out!” you cut him off.

your words are charged with anger and you just want to scream at him more for being so stupid and so beautiful.

he sighs again. his eyes are now glowing with a certain sadness and concern that makes the regret all the more soul-crushing. why couldn’t he just love you back? why couldn’t he just fix you?

he gets closer to you so he can place a tender kiss on your forehead. he strokes his thumb on your cheek, like he normally does, but this time it makes you feel sick to your stomach.

“just talk to me whenever you’re ready, princess. I’ll be waiting,” he says.

he walks out of your room and slams the door on the way out. the sound echoes into your heart and soul. and you cry harder than before because you knew deep down that you weren’t going to talk to him again. ever.

and loneliness, then, watches you from the nearest shadow, waiting like a ravenous predator.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

OCTOBER, WEEK 1, THE NEXT DAY

*jae <3 sent you $150

jae <3 : you know, for the plan B, just in case ;)

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

NOVEMBER

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

DECEMBER

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅

JANUARY, WEEK 2

nostalgia is one hell of a drug, and also one hell of a bitch when it comes to letting go. there’s a ton of clothes in your closet that don’t even fit you or you just wouldn’t wear anymore—your taste has changed, or rather, grown. yet for some reason you have it all stashed in there like some hoarder on a television show. it’s an amalgamation of distinct eras of your life and memories that you are too lazy—and also don’t want to—throw away. nonetheless, you cannot find that one damn jacket you swore was in there. you think to yourself that perhaps, just maybe, it is deep in your hamper full of dirty clothes that you haven’t touched in weeks.

you decide you need to leave your house for something other than work and unavoidable errands. staying cooped up inside has done more damage than you’d like to admit, especially when the days are like mush and blend together. this monotonous excuse of an existence is a curse, truly.

not bothering to rummage through the mess, you just pick the first jacket you can find and put it on even though it does not match your outfit at all.

it’s late in the afternoon, and it’s only been one hour since you woke up and got out of bed.

through your window, you take notice of the dull, cloudy sky and realize it’s going to be that annoying, uncomfortable type of chilly day outside, but you have your mind settled on going to the park because god knows you need to touch some grass and reconnect with nature.

you slightly regret brushing off your friends who asked to hangout, but you didn’t want to drag their moods down with how miserable you were. you had to clear your mind—rid it of all reminders of him.

this glumness has just consumed you with a vengeance like no other.

and inevitably, it follows you to the car as you put the keys into the ignition and then drive to the park as if on autopilot. it follows you as you get out and find a bench to sit your pathetic butt on. it then sinks its razor–sharp teeth into you as your eyes scan your surroundings and realize you are alone.

there are kids playing with one another, couples walking together, and just all types of people who just don’t look empty. you know you shouldn’t generalize that because these people could just be putting on a facade for all you know. what stings, though, is how you no longer have the energy to put one on yourself. there’s no bone in your body that has the ability to present such a performance anymore.

instead, you try to focus on something else, like the trees or the stray dogs running around, but you can’t ignore the obvious: you still feel like shit.

you can’t help but ruminate over the fact that you feel so…unhappy, and a large part of that just comes from loneliness. also, you just feel stuck, like there is no moving forward from this because this sadness will never let go of its vicious grasp on you.

it’s like all the small and minor feelings you shoved aside were now majorly affecting every part of your soul, body, and mind.

there are just so many things to be disappointed about in your life and it is killing you—eating away at you inside-out. a single, stupid teardrop drips down your cheek because apparently even that is all your body can muster.

so after a few excruciating minutes of people-watching and the endless screaming in your mind, you decide that this trip was for nothing.

you don’t bother to pick up something to eat on the way home. you’ve lost your appetite.

and just when you think your day couldn’t get any more sour, it does. the cherry on top is that your car stops mid-driveway as it just shuts off. it had been needing repairs that you had been putting off and it came right back to bite in this vulnerable time.

you just groan and debate killing yourself right then and there, but then decide you should just masturbate and go to sleep.

you walk into your home like a ghost, change into comfy clothes, and hop into bed.

as you log into your second twitter account, a caller notification pops up on your screen. your heart sinks to your stomach as you end up clicking it on accident and realize exactly who is calling: jae <3.

you hadn’t exactly brought it upon yourself to block his number despite the few times he tried reaching out throughout the months you haven’t spoken.

you freeze when you hear some rustling and then his familiar, warm voice speaking: “y/n?? you picked up! oh my… I–is it ok if I talk. o-or do you wanna go first? well, we don’t have to right now if you don’t want that, we can meet up–”

beep. you hang up.

you just can’t. hearing him so happy and excited made you want to run back into his arms, but you knew that couldn’t be a reality. even if he did like you back, there was no way in hell he would love the dark parts of you, the parts that made you feel so aimless and eternally dejected. he said it himself: it was too much.

you couldn’t do that to him.

a few seconds later, you get a text that reads talk to me, please :(

and then another call, but you don’t pick up this time. although, you almost do, because he could fix your car—and you miss everything about him—but the car is the most important part, obviously.

after, you stalk all his socials and let regret do its usual bidding.

the night ends with loneliness steeped in exhaustion that not even a scrolling-through-twitter-bookmarks session could remedy.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

JANUARY, WEEK 3

it’s that damned time of the year where it rains a bit too much for your liking because now you don’t really know if it’s right to blame the weather for being extremely sad, glum, and horny but you do it anyway.

and naturally, you stare at the ceiling with empty eyes as you ponder about life or whatever (and mainly him, as always, it seems). the television plays Jersey Shore in the background, yet even that can’t conceal the incessant trickle of the rain and the downpour hitting your roof and outside your window. you want to scream or die or kill somebody; any of those sound good right about now. you’re broke as hell—bank account barely skating above the negatives—so you can’t order anything to your house and you’ve used your vibrator too many times to count that the feeling it used to give you is no longer the same. there’s no point. ugh. you hate it here.

but it’s like he can sense your distress and almost immediately after groaning into the loneliness of your room, your phone dings. you pick up the phone from under your blanket and see the screen lit up with a text message from a certain someone you’ve been avoiding.

jae <3 : you doing anything rn princess? I wanna come over. I haven’t seen you in so long… I really want to talk to you.

and that is all it takes for the walls you built up to come crumbling down.

you bite your lip to hide the cheeky grin that creeps onto your face like an idiot. damn it. you fight the urge to reply back immediately so as to not seem desperate.

yes, he’s sent a string of messages over the course of time you’ve been ignoring him, but this one feels different, and maybe that is just because you want it to be.

anyway, his dick could fix at least one of your problems right now so after waiting for what felt like forever, you hit him back.

y/n: just chilling by myself. hungry. pls bring food.

you were rotting in bed in pajamas you’ve worn for a bit over two days so you immediately scramble out of the sheets to get yourself dolled up for him because for some reason you feel the need to impress him.

it isn’t until half an hour later that jaehyun shows up at your doorstep, soaked from the rain, holding grocery bags in his hands. his dimples still show even as he smiles with semi-pursed lips.

you stare at him for a while, bewildered at how even more gorgeous and stunning he seems, and honestly holding yourself back from just latching on him like a rabid animal.

“can I come in or…are you just gonna keep looking at me like a deer in headlights?” he says, smug.

you snatch the bags from him with a swiftness that makes your emotions of lust and embarrassment all the more palpable, and head towards your kitchen table to set them down. he giggles slightly at this and he takes off his sopping wet jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack you have in the entry hallway. and then he kicks off his shoes with ease which leaves them on the floor scattered. he drops his keys on the counter with a loud bang, running his fingers through his hair after. he sighs loudly and it echoes throughout the room and you can feel it within your chest. it’s all so…safe and comfortable, and maybe that’s because he’s done this many times before. and it feels like nothing has changed even though you haven’t spoken to him in months.

well that is until you snoop through the bags and peep a bouquet of flowers—your favorite ones at that.

“jae, what is this for?” you ask.

you turn your face to look at him, thinking he’s still lurking by the entrance but he’s actually standing right behind you.

your face is now inches away from his chest. and you can breathe in his musk. he reeks of cologne and weed in the best way possible. you stumble and bump your back onto a chair as he reaches over your side.

“I saw them and I thought of you,” he mumbles, grabbing all the other bags.

he drags his feet to the kitchen and unloads all the groceries onto the counter.

it’s so subtle that you almost don’t catch it but the tops of his ears turn a bit red after he says it. it’s cute, and your heart flutters at how he remembers the little things about you.

“well thank you. they’re really pretty.”

the plastic bag crumples as you take the bouquet out and you dive your nose in to take in their sweet aroma.

“I’ll be right back,” you say before heading to your basement to find a vase to put them in, and also to cool off. maybe it was the time apart, but your mind could not function properly around him. it was like every quality about him became ten times more attractive and enticing.

you flip the light switch on and the light flickers twice before giving out. you’ve been meaning to replace the light bulb but you keep forgetting (or rather pushing it off). and now it’s caught up to you like many other things and feelings.

you use your phone’s flashlight to guide you along the mess that you created and you finally find what you're looking for, only it’s at the top of some shelf that you can’t really reach. there’s a small ladder that’s hiding in the small crevice between the shelf and the wall. but still, even after using it and taking all three of its steps, you can barely grasp the vase with your fingertips and you slide it closer and closer towards you before it finally lands in your hands safely.

you’re on your tippy toes at this point, legs trembling. and as soon as you’re ready to get down, it happens in an instant: you lose your balance.

there’s no sugarcoating it. there’s no saving grace and you fall backwards onto your ass. even though it takes the brunt of tumble, your hands fall victim to the vase and its shattered pieces.

maybe it was the noise and the commotion or maybe you let out a scream without realizing it, but jaehyun bolts into the garage not even seconds later.

through the slivers of light radiating from your phone, you can barely peep the blood leaking from your palm and his horrified face.

“a-are you ok?” he asks.

before you can even answer, he picks you up as if you were a doll and rushes you over to the bathroom where he sits you down on the toilet seat.

he already knows where everything is so he pulls out the first aid kit from the cabinet underneath the sink and tends to your bloody hands immediately.

honestly, the cuts weren’t anything major but your heart starts to beat like crazy at how worried he is yet he remains calm and careful in taking care of you.

“this is going to hurt, princess. I’m sorry,” he says before softly dabbing a wet cloth onto your skin.

you wince in pain and he reacts by holding onto your arm and rubbing soothing circles with his thumb.

“shhh… it’s ok. I’ll make you feel better soon.”

he does this for a while and eventually reaches for the bandages.

but the whole time you found yourself staring at him in awe. there was a war going on in your mind. you analyzed his every move: the way he sighed or played with his bottom lip by nibbling on it or how he’d sneak a glance at you with so much worry. all you wanted was to crawl into his skin and be inside of him to know his thoughts and what he was thinking about you.

he places the final bandage and looks up at you with tender eyes before averting his gaze.

“thank you, jae…” you mumble.

you can feel your heart about to just slide out of your chest and onto the tile floor. the insane pace it’s beating at won’t stop.

“why didn’t you ask me for help? I thought you were just going to your room or something. I didn’t know you were going to do that and almost kill yourself.”

“ok, well I thought I had it, but I guess not. I just needed a moment to myself anyway.”

“a moment to yourself? but I just got here?”

“you don’t understand. it’s just… never mind,” you sigh.

“what? you don’t want to talk about that right now either?” he says, tone tinged with slight resentment.

you stand up from the toilet seat because the air in the room quickly is injected with tension, and it becomes stifling and suffocating. how else are you supposed to say that him getting you flowers had you riled up? and how are you supposed to tell him that being around him is too much because you’re hopelessly in love with him and want to be more than just whatever you guys have going on?

perhaps silence and secrecy are the better options.

“ok, whatever,” he says. “that’s not the point. I was right there, you could have just told me to do it. you know I’ll always be there for you, even the small things.”

“I know, jae.”

“ok, so you do know that?”

“well…”

you have a feeling you know where this is going and you want to die.

“then how come you’ve been ignoring me? all my calls and messages… I know you’ve been getting them. and you fucking hung up on me the other day too? do you know how happy I was when you answered?” he says, anger bleeding into hurt.

“I’m really sorry-”

“I’m not stupid y/n. I don’t like when you hide things from me, you know that.”

at this point, you make way towards the door but he holds onto your arm with a vice grip and shoves you back onto the toilet seat. he uses his body as a barrier so you can’t leave and you know there’s no use trying to get through.

“are you trying to make me bleed again?” you ask angrily, trying to mask how exposed and scared you feel.

“oh, don’t be dramatic, y/n. you’re not leaving until you tell me why you’ve been leaving me in the dust.”

“you’re the one being dramatic! just let me out of here!”

“I’ll let you out when I get what I want.”

“why does it matter to you anyway?”

“because I care about you!”

“you’re only saying that because you want to get between my legs.”

“that’s not true at all.”

“is it not? because that’s what it feels like.”

“you’re not being fair. let me remind you that it was me who’s been reaching out and you were the one who decides to respond after weeks of radio silence. how do you think that makes me feel?”

“I don’t know…you could’ve tried harder,” you mumble, already resigning to the fact he had already won this mini argument.

there was no point anyway. he had every right to be angry but you just hated confrontation especially when it came to him.

you were just too flustered and emotional now. you wanted to confess your feelings to him but didn’t want everything you had to collapse. you can’t look at him in the face now.

“y/n…look, I do care about you. so fucking much, actually and you have no idea.”

“jae, I care about you too but can we just not do this right now?”

“how else am I supposed to show you that I love you when you shut me out? you don’t know how much it killed me that you acted like I don’t exist to you.”

your whole body freezes at that stupid four letter word. it sounds so pretty coming from his tongue, but you don’t know if he means it the way you want it to.

he kneels on the ground so he is at eye level with you. he starts to cup his hands on your face.

“did I do something wrong? that’s all I want to know so I can fix it or try to do better.”

there’s no point in hiding anymore. when you open your eyes which have been shut closed, you see that hurt is written all over his face and it’s all your fault. your absence in his life has affected him just like it has affected you.

he just looks so sad yet so pretty and you want him to hold you and tell you it’ll all be okay. you want to kiss him, touch him, feel him, and most of all, make love to him.

“I love you, jae. I love you so much and I don’t know, every second I’m with you it gets worse because I know I won’t be more to you. I need you in a way that you can’t even imagine.”

“y/n, I-”

“LET ME FINISH!” you cut him off.

he looks taken aback at first, but then just gives a weak nod and smile to let you continue.

you start rambling: “I… I just am going through a lot mentally too and I didn’t want to ruin what we had by saying anything so for some reason it just made more sense to ignore you and hope that it would go away and-”

all of a sudden, jaehyun smashes his lips onto yours.

it’s passionate, more fervor than usual. it’s like he’s putting his all into this kiss and you just melt into him, fingers running through his hair as his hands travel to your back to pull you in closer.

“I… love you too…y/n…” he moans in between kisses.

when you both pull away, he starts to plant soft kisses along your neck that begin to travel up to your ear.

“do you need me to show you how much I love you, princess?” he whispers.

“p-please, jae… I want you…”

with no hesitation, he carries you into your room.

he then sits on the edge of the bed as you stand before him. the both of you scramble to get some clothes off and then latch onto each other like magnets—skin on skin, lips on lips.

like clockwork, you straddle your legs over his lap. you roll your hips into his and whimper at the feeling: your bare folds rubbing against his boxer briefs. one of his strong hands holds onto your lower back as the other supports the back of your neck.

the kissing is laced with carnal desire, as if you both wanted to eat the other whole. your hips move faster in response and you're both moaning into each other’s mouth. you can feel how hard he is and also how your wetness stains and seeps into the fabric.

he pulls away to trail kisses down your neck, leaving his signature love bites and marks.

once he reaches your chest, he places soft kisses before unclasping your bra like he has done many times before. but this time, you notice the look of lust and love in his eyes as they scan your body. maybe it’s always been like that and you hadn’t noticed it. your heart swells at this and you caress his cheek.

his mouth then attacks your chest with passion and you arch your back to push your body more into his. your hips are now moving in sweet circles and your mind is clouded with how good it all feels—how much fulfilling it is now that you know that he loves you back.

“my princess, so beautiful,” he coos, before grabbing you and pinning your back against the bed.

as your back lays falt, he trails kisses down your chest, stomach, and around your plush thighs. his face then makes contact with your pussy and he watches it with hungry eyes. your body quite literally trembles just knowing he is just mere centimeters away from tasting you.

“you don’t know how long I’ve waited for this,” he confesses.

he notices you bite your lip in anticipation. the adrenaline courses through your veins as pleasure awaits you.

“maybe, I should just… I don’t know… not do this and let you see what it feels like to be left wanting.”

“baby, I’m really sorry. please don’t tease me right now,” you whine.

“you deserve this, just a little bit,” he says before blowing air right onto your dripping folds.

you clench on nothing as he smirks at you.

“I hate you,” you moan.

“I thought you loved me?”

“two things can be true at once.”

“say you love me or else I’m not going through with this.”

“but–”

“SAY it.”

you forgot how commanding he could be in bed and it has you clenching again at nothing.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he says, content.

and just like that, he dives right into tasting you finally. the months apart had done a number on you because his mouth felt infinitely better than it ever did. it was like his thirst hadn’t been quenched in years.

it felt spiritual, as if his movements came straight from the heavens above and all you could do was lay there and take in all of his love—and anger.

it didn’t take long before you began grasping onto the locks of his now longer hair, shoving him in further to reach your high faster.

however, he pulls away with a quickness. you groan at the feeling of pleasure being snatched away from you.

“sorry, angel, but I need you to cum on my cock this time… need to feel you unwind all over me.”

you watch and rub your legs together as he slides his briefs down just enough to reveal his pretty cock, pink tip glistening with love—all because of you and all for you.

you whine when he starts to coat himself in your arousal, his thick length catching against your clit as he rubs against your folds with tenderness.

“jae…”

“feels good, yeah?”

“fuck… need you now, jae,” you whine.

“you ready?”

“yes. only and always for you.”

“that’s my baby.”

your hands grip your bed sheets as he slides inside of you. you’ll honestly never get used to just how big he is. even when he bottoms out, it takes time for the pain to eventually blossom into pleasure as he moves his hips rhymically into yours.

it’s not rough and needy but more soft and careful. he really takes his time to feel all of you and give it to you so good. your hands rub and down his slender back as he makes the most intimate and precious love to you. and you love how his gold chain brushes up against your face with every delicious stroke.

it has you so weak and your head feels so fuzzy—the feeling is indescribable.

“my pretty angel, my girl… taking me so well. fuck, you were made for me.”

you can only offer a loud moan in response and your walls clench harder onto him automatically.

“keep doing that and I’m gonna cum inside you, baby. you want that?”

“yes, baby. oh my god, yes please. I want it so fucking bad.”

“then take it.”

he slips two of his fingers into your mouth and you suck on them with all your might. his eyes watch you in amazement and passion.

your body trembles as he continuously hits that sweet spot.

and just like that, you feel the euphoria coming to you in waves. he knows it and laughs softly, removing his soaked fingers from you mouth.

“you’re almost there, angel?”

“y-yes,” you moan.

“I can feel it. I know you’ve missed this. isn’t that right?”

“missed you so much…” you mewl, feeling tears about to form in your eyes.

“missed you too, baby. fuck…” he says and gives your forehead a quick, reassuring peck.

you claw your nails into his back as he picks up the pace—to help you reach that pleasure point. you wrap your legs around him instinctively and succumb to the overwhelming feeling of his love.

“I’m coming, ahh. I’m…”

you scream as the pleasure burns all over your body. jaehyun doesn’t falter for a second, only going faster, even though his own orgasm follows immediately after—his warm load filling you up as you finish all over him.

“so…good…that’s it…” he chokes out.

“I love you!” you scream.

“love you… I love you,” he whimpers as he slows down.

you’re extremely sensitive at this point and you whine as jaehyun refuses to stop, still rutting his hips into you: pushing in every last drop.

“I’m not done yet. you’ve denied me perfection for so long.”

“jae…baby…”

“shhh…angel, just need you to take it. can you do that for me?”

“y-yeah.”

“good girl, that’s a good girl,” he coos.

all of a sudden, his body shifts as he pushes your legs back to your chest, guiding you guys into a mating press position.

“it h-hurtsss…” you whine.

you felt like your body was going to snap in half, truly.

“I know, baby. but it’ll feel better, you just have to trust me.”

“ok, baby.”

“you’re perfect,” he says. “you’re my baby, right?”

he then pistons his hips into you with force and you just moan quietly: “I-I’m your baby.”

“I know that’s right,” he says, letting out a breathy moan. “open up for me.”

you do as he says and your jaw falls slack open. a lengthy string of spit drops into your mouth and you just take it.

his cock feels excruciatingly perfect like this. he is so deep inside of you and you feel like his love is going to suffocate you in the most tender way.

“you’re doing great, angel. just give me all your stress. let it all out.”

his lips find purchase on yours and you melt into him again.

your mind now is only full of thoughts of him, but positive ones for once. you feel… fulfilled and alive again. like this, he is taking off so much weight off your shoulders.

and thus, you cannot help how healing this feels and the tears that drip down your face as a result. jaehyun kisses them as they fall and doesn’t let up his pace.

“you’re mine… my angel. you belong to no one else but me. right, pretty?”

“I’m yours,” you mewl.

“say it again.”

“yours, jae, yours,” you babble, now feeling overwhelmed by the pressure in your core about to snap.

“can you open for me like you did before, baby?” he asks. and you immediately drop your jaw to invite his spit in again.

“you’re MY girl. this is MY pussy. you are MINE. f-finally…” he groans, emphasizing those specific words with harder thrusts.

“I love you, jae. fuck, I love you so much. I can’t live without you. I want…” you whine. you can’t finish the sentence from just how good it all feels.

“say you’re mine again, p-please. I’m gonna-”

“I’M Y-YOURS,” you scream as the orgasm suddenly unfolds with searing heat all over your body.

your arms and legs latch around him to keep him in place, to stop him from moving. the clench of your walls does him in instantaneously. you feel so full of him as he unloads himself in you. his pace stops immediately as you suck him dry for all he’s worth.

the amount of I love you’s exchanged in these moments were too many to count, but you knew you didn’t want him out of you any time soon.

“can we stay like this, please?” you whisper, kissing his neck. “I feel safe and warm.”

“if that’s what you want, then I’m all for it,” jaehyun says reassuringly.

you hold each other, bodies so intimately connected together, as sleep eventually washes over the both of you.

the night ends with love, this time, steeped with passion and desire.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

JANUARY, WEEK 3, THE NEXT DAY

—MINI EPILOGUE—

it is three in the afternoon when you wake up. jaehyun is nowhere to be seen in the room.

immediately, you jump out of bed to look for him, heart already sinking to the floor. but those feelings of fear vanish when you see him standing pretty in your kitchen, wearing an apron you forgot you even owned, cooking up something that smelled utterly delectable.

you basically run over to him and hug him from behind, pressing the side of your face against his back.

“you scared me.”

“I did? I’m sorry about that.”

“I thought you left me.”

“I would never do that, not now, when I finally have you for myself.”

his words are reassuring and comforting. maybe that is what you needed in your life.

you find out later that he fixed your car that morning and cleaned up the glass pieces in the garage from the broken vase. and you realize that even though he cannot necessarily “fix” you or your problems entirely, he wants to help you get better. and you shouldn’t run away and deny the support because you would do the same for him.

there are small feelings in this world that will eat you up and spit you right out, but there are also small feelings that, over time, will help you become a better person. the key is to recognize each one and feel them all the way through: let them run their course. with jaehyun, you were able to deal with those emotions and feelings together.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

a/n: thank you for getting through this mess of a fic oh my god. sorry for the rushed and corny ass ending (and the lack of editing). but this has been sitting in my drafts since february and I just want to be rid of it.

I have just been going through so much lately and it's taking everything in me to not just end my shit likeee. also who peeped that twilight-esque time skip LMFAOOOO

anyways let me stop being big and rude. please lmk if you liked this or if you have any requests (my inbox is always open!) love yall <3

in your eyes

idol bf!jungwoo x afab idol!reader

angst, fluff (kinda not really, idk)

req: idol!jungwoo x idol!reader where 127 and the reader are preparing to release a song together and while they’re taking a break from practice the reader finds out that her new manager has been selling her info to sasaengs (one being a guy that’s been harassing her on multiple different occasions) and jungwoo and the guys comfort her (quick a/n: I did make some tweaks and changes to this, sorry.)

summary: keeping things with your boyfriend under the radar has been harder these days, and it doesn’t help that you have a collab stage / song coming out with his group soon. you’re already under a lot of pressure with this and your own group activities, too. it only becomes more stressful when your phone gets bombarded with calls and texts from unknown numbers and you uncover why that is...

wc: 3.6k

cw: allusions to reader getting harassed through phone calls and messages (stalking?)

now playing: ♫ in your eyes - jessie ware ♫

it is so hard to focus. you feel like your body is going to collapse in on itself. although, it is embarrassing to admit to yourself, this is probably the most intense choreography you have performed in your entire career. 

all the other members look normally exhausted once the song finishes, but you, on the other hand, are about ready to hit the ground full force and never wake up. you are huffing and puffing, cheeks red, and chest heaving.

you try to keep it cute and classy in front of your coworkers—who also happen to be your friends—and try not to make a scene of how utterly winded you are. nonetheless, your legs wobble as you slowly kneel down on the cold practice room floor to catch your breath. 

you breathe in and out to mute out the chatter they have going on and try to get your heart to stop beating out of your ribcage. 

all of a sudden, though, you feel a familiar hand caress your shoulder, so you turn to look at your boyfriend, jungwoo, who is visibly trying his best not to laugh at you.

“take this, looks like you need it,” he says, handing you an opened plastic water bottle.

you snatch it with a quickness and chug it like you had just found an oasis in a desert. 

“damn girl it’s not going anywhere,” haechan teases from behind.

“hey man, leave her alone,” jaehyun chimes in, his words still tinged with laughter.

you are halfway through with the bottle when you decide that is enough. your boyfriend just continues to caress your shoulder as the boys talk amongst themselves in the background. 

“you ok, baby? we can step outside for a moment if you need it,” he soothes.

you shake your head and reply, “it’s ok. I’m fine.”

“you promise?” his other hand then reaches towards your chin so that you’re face-to-face with him. 

“promise,” you say, cheeks turning red again, but because of jungwoo this time.

he leans in for a quick peck on your lips. and you end up leaning into him more for another one. you nearly forget the world surrounding you and the fact that there are other people in the room when loud voices bring you down to reality.

“sorry to interrupt your makeout sesh guys, but we need to run the dance a few more times,” taeyong speaks up. 

“just one more minute–”

“you guys just wasted five eating other’s faces out. sorry, but no.”

“but—”

“we have to follow our leader’s instruction, baby, come on,” jungwoo says.

he stands up and then stretches his hand out for you.

“ugh, you guys suck,” you whine as you accept the help from your boyfriend off of the dance room floor.

“you know you love us,” yuta says jokingly.

you just roll your eyes as you walk into position for the dance. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

practice is over way sooner than you would’ve thought. and surprisingly, you’re not as tired as you thought you would be.

but still, when jungwoo asks if you want to hang out with him and the guys after, you turn him down.

“honestly, I just want to shower and go to sleep. I have to wake up early tomorrow anyway for dress rehearsals.”

“I know, baby. I just thought I’d ask anyway,” he says. “you want me to walk you to the dorm?”

“acutally, [group member] is coming to get me and we’ll go home together. you can leave, I’ll wait for her here.” 

“we can just walk now. it’s not far. the guys wouldn’t mind waiting, you know.”

“you don’t have to. and I want you to have fun… so go!”

you smile, shooing him away with your hand, he just looks at you with his adoring, signature puppy eyes—he looks so cute.

“well, I guess so. just call me if anything comes up, ok. love you,” he says before coming up to you and leaving a sweet kiss on your forehead.

“love you too,” you say as he walks off.

as your boyfriend strides away with his groupmates, you stare at him lovingly and even wave when he turns back to look at you one more time.

once they are gone, you stick around a while longer before taking the elevator down to the first floor of the company building. you unlock your phone to see if [group member] has texted you. however, your screen is flooded with missed calls from an unknown number. and then, as always, your heart drops to your stomach.

not again, you think to yourself. there’s no way.

you fear that this is the same person you have tried so hard to ignore. among the call notifications, there are—as always—ominous threats through text messages that go along the lines of “you need to answer me,” “pick up,” or “I just want to talk to you.”

it is the same vicious cycle. you have gone through several phone numbers at this point, and blocked so many of theirs, and yet they always crawl back and find a way to infiltrate your peace and serenity. 

you decide it is best to not think too much about it.

when the elevator doors open, you find somewhere to stand awkwardly as you wait. then you just screenshot the evidence, block, and delete. you then call [group member] to see if she is on the way, but it goes straight to voicemail. 

you just want to go home already. when five minutes turns to ten, then fifteen, and then twenty, you become increasingly more irritated. you pace around the building’s lobby / main floor with anxiety as your mind starts to reel about that person again.

how do they keep getting your number without fail? who are they? and what do they want from you? can’t they just stop?

before you can spiral more though, [group member] drags you back into reality with the familiar sound of her loud ass sandals that she always wears.  

“y/n!!” she says, her hand reaching out to grab yours.

you don’t even say anything to her and just walk out of the building, the annoying clack, clack, clack trailing behind.

“hey, I’m sorry. me and the girls were watching tv and I fucking lost track of time. I even left my phone at the dorm in a rush to get you now.”

there’s no point in directing your feelings onto her, you realize, so you just sigh.

“I understand. it’s been a rough day, I’m not gonna lie. do you mind if we just walk in silence?” you say, trying your best to keep the tone of your voice calm and collected.

“you don’t wanna talk about it?”

“not really.”

she just nods.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

you didn’t even get to shower. you just knocked out as soon as your body hit the comfort and safety of your bed. 

the next morning your alarm wakes you up with its usual uninviting and unwanted noise. 

you groan as you head towards the bathroom to freshen up. the image that looks back in the mirror is a hot mess. you rub your eyes but that just makes you even more tired. 

it’s going to be a long day, you think to yourself. 

your group members are running all over the place as you all get ready in a hurry. only six total yet it feels like complete chaos.

somehow, you all stuff yourselves into the car where the designated company driver takes you girls to wherever it is you need to be (you were too tired to even check). 

once the car stops at the location, your manager opens the door and urges you girls to hurry inside to meet the stylist which catches you off guard. meet? you’ve already met the stylist because it’s been the same one the past few comebacks.

you ask your manager if it is someone new but he seems busy texting someone that he practically ignores you and shoos you off with his hand.

you just internally roll your eyes and catch up with the rest of the girls.

and it was, in fact, a new stylist. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

dress rehearsals go just a little horribly as they do—it comes within the territory, having others measure and prod at your body. but after all is said and done, you and your members are loaded up into the car once again. this time, your manager joined in with you guys. 

he sits right next to you in this already cramped space. he asks how it was with the new stylist and you all agree that it was good (but not great—the other one was better.)

you ask the reason for the sudden change and he just says it was the company’s decision, not his.

not entirely satisfied with this answer, though, you decide not to press further. the girls begin to talk about something else as sleep starts to creep up on you.

you begin to doze off, their chatter fading away like a distant song. however, as your eyes grow heavy from the sleepiness, you faintly see a blurry view of your manager’s phone. and at first, you think your mind is playing games with you. that couldn’t possibly be…

you “sober” up and there is now adrenaline coursing through you as you realize your suspicions are coming to life right before your own eyes.

the blocked number from yesterday is now blowing up your manager’s phone with messages. and worse, he is replying with no care in the world that you are literally right next to him. he must have not noticed you wake up.

you feel sick to your stomach.

this whole time… it was him. it was this man who was violating your safety and privacy by giving out your number… every. single. time. 

you knew this was true just from the messages he was replying back with: “I’ll give you her new number once she changes it as usual… just give me more time… I need more time… she must act first before I do… understand please.” 

you should scream, confront him, do something. but no, your body is paralyzed with fear and shame. no, it is shock—and the overwhelming feeling of betrayal. 

instead, you continue to fake sleeping  in order to not cause a scene. 

in what felt like a few more agonizing moments, the car stops and finally drops you girls off at the dorm. however, you cannot shake the feeling of dread looming over you like a rainy cloud. 

as you get off and walk to the dorm entrance, you look back to your manager. through the tinted car window, you can still see him looking down—at what must be his phone, still texting that person you presume.

you turn away and fight back tears.

the girls seem to notice that something is wrong but just assume you’re tired and leave you to your own devices. unfortunately, for once, you just wanted to talk to someone.

once in your room, you sit on your bed and stare off into a white wall, contemplating what you should do. or rather, replaying all the events of yesterday and today and regretting everything you did not do.

and then your phone rings.

no…

your heart drops. not again… it’s not possible. 

but relief washes over you as you realize it is none other than your cute boyfriend’s name on the screen—adorned with a signature puppy emoji and a pink heart. 

you pick up immediately. 

“hi, baby, are you doing anything right now?’ he asks. 

you can hear his group mates yelling about something in the background.

“no, not right now, no,” you say, trying to mask the shakiness of your voice. “I just got out of dress rehearsals and I should be free for the rest of the day. what’s up?”

“well, taeyong wanted to know if we could squeeze in just one more hour of practice today. he thinks we just need to focus on the last part of the song, if that’s ok.”

“uhhh… oh yeah, of course. that’s no problem…” you say, rubbing your temples.

“you’re awesome, baby! he’s gonna appreciate this so much!”

“ok, I’ll see you soon.”

“love you!”

“love you too.”

you hang up. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

you are too exhausted still for practice but you do need the distraction from this… situation, to put it simply. 

the boys are all excited to see you grace them with your presence as you walk through the practice room doors.

“here comes the princess to our beloved prince!” yuta says with a hearty laugh. 

jungwoo runs up to you and embraces you in his arms. he has no idea just how much you needed that. he pulls away quickly though and then grabs you by the hand, dragging you over to the others.

“we can talk later. right now, we need to get this number down. we only have a couple more days to perfect this guys… and girl…” taeyong says, pausing and then directing his glance to you at that last part.

“girls, you mean…” you peer over to haechan.

“w-what? what am I catching a stray for?”

“from the other day, I didn’t forget,” you laugh.

the others laugh too and jokingly hit haechan.

“yeah, yeah, whatever,” he says.

and like clockwork, you guys get into formation, ready to follow taeyong’s instruction.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“you’re lagging behind.”

“you’re going too early on that part.”

“you’re too stiff.”

“your footwork isn’t right.”

the comments and critiques from the leader are pouring in like a waterfall. and it doesn’t help that the fear and dread from earlier are now glowing with a vengeance in your mind.

and then, the room begins to feel suffocating. the redness burning in your face and ears only fuels the tears in your eyes more. 

don’t fucking cry, don’t fucking cry, don’t fucking cry, you repeat to yourself. you can’t do this—not in front of them.

“what’s going on y/n?”

“your head isn’t in the game.” 

“pull yourself together, you know this.”

he is right and that fact makes you even more frustrated. as he watches you and two other members run the last part of the song, he only critiques you because you just keep on messing up.

the music grew louder in your eyes and everything just became so overwhelming. you reached your breaking point.

this. was. it. 

you trip over your legs and fall onto the ground. you feel the pain jolt from your knees and then reverb to your head.

and you could not help it anymore and start crying pathetically on the practice room floor. your hands rush to conceal your face. you cannot bear to let these men see you like this. 

however, you can hear them all rush towards you. and then you feel some hands on your head and back. 

“are you ok, y/n? I didn’t mean to push you too far…” taeyong says apologetically, and what you assume must be his thumb caressing the top of your head.

you can’t even answer him. you want to tell him that it is not his fault, but your sobs are violent and restrict you from getting a proper sentence out.

from behind, you hear your boyfriend’s sweet voice: “it’s ok, baby, let it all out.” he continues to rub comforting circles on your back which makes you cry more. 

and embarrassingly enough, you cry and you cry in front of them as they offer you words of assurance and encouragement—mainly from your boyfriend who is doing his best to comfort you.

finally, you gather the confidence to remove your hands from your face and look at the concerned faces of the men in front of you. 

you know you look horrendous at the moment but that doesn’t matter when you turn around and your boyfriend looks at you like you are the most beautiful girl in the world.

he kisses you and gives you a tight hug.

“are you ok now?”

“yeah… yeah, I think I am good,” you answer. you keep rubbing the tears away from your red cheeks. “I-I’m really sorry about that…” you say with an embarrassed laugh. 

“hey, there’s no need to apologize. it happens…” doyoung smiles at you as he stands behind jungwoo.

“is there something going on that you’re not telling us?” haechan prods.

you catch doyoung elbowing the boy in an attempt to shut him up and mouthing a faint shut up. obviously, he does it out of respect for you. however, you know that you must open up to someone about what you have been enduring and they might be your best bet.

so the tears fall again, but this time you are able to tell them the dark secret that you have been hiding to yourself. and once you are done, they look at you with mutual pity and understanding—like they all have once been in your shoes before.

“y/n, I’m so sorry about that…” taeyong says.

“why… why didn’t you tell me, love?” jungwoo says, hurt that you did not trust him with something important like that.

“I just didn’t want you to worry,” you confess.

“this is very serious, y/n,” jaehyun chimes in.

“yeah, y/n, we’ve all dealt with weirdos before but this is a different level,” johnny says. 

“you’re fucking manager has been doing dirty work behind your back this whole time??” haechan says, as if he was just catching on to what was happening.

“yes, haechan,” doyoung sighs, rubbing his temples like he was agitated at the boy. “look, y/n, no one deserves to go through this, and especially to go through this alone. I’m angry that it took you this long to tell any of us, but I’m glad you spoke up about it anyway.”

“I agree, it is very brave of you, y/n,” mark says, who is usually quiet when you are around.

“thank you guys,” is all you can muster.

“we’re here for you,” yuta says.

“ok guys, I think that’s enough practice for now and we should call it off for now. we can pick things up tomorrow,” taeyong says.

the group agrees unanimously and they all start to grab their things and head out, leaving you and your boyfriend alone in the practice room. 

when the final member leaves, you both are left sitting alone on the practice room floor. 

your boyfriend looks at you with a weird expression—like anger and love mixed into one.

“are you mad at me?” you ask.

“why would I be mad?” he says. “I’m just… I just want you to be more honest with me. you know I love you and care about you so much.”

“I know. I love you too, woo.”

he reaches for your hand and brings it to his lips, planting soft kisses—ones that always calm you down when you need it. and after, he uses his thumb to trace an outline of them, almost as if to seal it to your skin: seal his love for you in his own way. you feel like you could cry again. you don’t know what you would do without. 

“thank you for being so understanding,” is all you can muster up, but there is so much love dancing in your heart that just remains unspoken because words alone could not describe it.

“I’ll always be there for you, love. don’t you ever forget that,” he whispers before leaning in to kiss you again.

his big, loving hands then reach for your blushing cheeks as he pulls closer into the kiss. you melt right into it. he feels like home—like safety. he is your safety net, always has been and always will be.

“we will figure this out,” he says when he pulls away.

“look at me,” he commands, noticing how your eyes immediately gaze away from him. “we will get through this… together,” he reassures once you stare at his face which somehow gets more beautiful with each passing day. his ability to make you feel so secure is one of the things that made you fall for him.

“come on, let’s get outta here,” he whispers.

he hoists you up from the floor and laughs as you almost fall back down because your legs had fallen asleep from sitting too long. 

you stretch your body out for a little bit and then start walking towards your bag. however, you feel his hand grab your wrist and turn you around as he pulls you in. and now your face is right in front of his chest. 

his other hand snakes around your waist and reels you closer into him. you look up at him to see him give you a mischievous yet endearing smile.

“let’s just do oneee last dance. is that alright with you, darling?”

“actually, I would really love that,” you laugh.

he lets go of your wrist and holds your hand firmly in his. you take your other hand and rest it on his shoulder.

“wait, but we don’t have music, baby.”

“we’re both singers, darling.”

“well yes–”

“you just follow my lead,” he says.

“o-ok.”

from the first two words that escape his lips, you knew exactly what he was doing. he was singing the song he dedicated to you on your first year anniversary—one he had specifically written for you. his sweet, precious voice sings to you and it reminds you that there truly is nothing better in this world than having someone like him in your life. 

in your eyes, he is perfection, and you know, and his eyes, you are the same.

you rest your face in his chest as you both sway back and forth, slowly dancing to the song that echoed the very essence of your love. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

a/n: posting after a rather spontaneous hiatus. so basically... life is kicking my ass and it has killed any creativity, imagination, or motivation for writing. I have had this request since APRILLLL and I am barely getting this posted. I just don't normally write stuff that is not smut, so this was a challenge. I really tried, I really did. I know this sucks but this was my first ever request and I wanted to see it all the way through. I hope whoever requested this ends up enjoying it. so so so sorry for the delay and any mistakes that you might see :( I will try to do better.