Needed To Vent - Tumblr Posts

I Wish

Shame is written out in my eyes. The fear of being judged for not being everything I wish I could be is scrawled out in my averted gaze. I dare not look at others in hopes that they will simply disregard my existence. I cannot even begin to describe the insecurities riddled deep within my skin. They do not sit atop the surface but inject themselves into my inner core and grow within the veins and arteries of my system. Internally it feels as though there is nothing left but an emaciated heart and a soul running on empty. There is nothing of me that I deem worthy other than a heart that beats for a mother whose own heart would break if mine discontinued. The only words in existence to describe this horrendous feeling become meaningless for they've been used to chronicle events which do not even come close to how this feels.Plato believed true enlightenment came from the sun behind the prisoners but I, like the prisoners, simply cannot be greeted with another day knowing I am still who I am. To have light travel through the panes and remind me I have not changed during my slumber is a brutal consequence of the person I have to be in the only lifetime I get.

I wish the pain would erase from my eyes with a simple blink, that I can smile and forget that it's broken. But everything I hate cannot be changed therefore my wish lies deep within the impossible; to cloak the world in blindness or better yet to be veiled in invisibility. But this is simply a disintegrating dream that will forever elude me as I become awakened by reality on a daily basis. There is nothing I can do to lessen the pain other then to numb myself.

😻amazing, pt.1

Literally months ago someone on ffn said that some of the chapters can be a bit of a “slog to get through” with the slow pace and it’s all I’ve been able to think about writing the last chapter and now this one