Normally Id Just Keep In In The Drafts But I Think If I Dont Tell Someone Im Gonna Go Insane - Tumblr Posts

I was meant to go see a musical but mum booked the wrong thing and it was like a uni student play? (It was Jekyll and Hyde) Honestly it was pretty shit but it wasn't bad

But like I was so exited and recently I've been trying really hard to seem happier in front of my mum bc last year she never believed me when I said I was happy and a few months ago we were arguing a lot over a bunch of stuff and just generally I feel bad bc I seem kinda apathetic ab shit I'm exited for. So she knew I was exited. And she knew it was shit bc like she was there and now bc she's worried I'm upset (I am but mostly not ab the play) she's going overboard to get me acting more upbeat and I'm so tired I cba

So in the car back I literally just wanted to do my resting face bc like I'm really tired and I was upset and she just kept looking at me so I had to keep smiling and my entire face is so achy. And eventually put on some songs we sing along to sometimes (and like if I don't sing along she's going to make a big deal out of me being sad) and i really did not want to do that

But now I feel really guilty bc I am upset ab the play (like I was really excited and it turned out like 90% screaming, forced jokes and overall just really dry) and ik she's upset too and my negative thoughts are going fucking crazy rn (literally crying in the bathroom rn) and I just wish I didn't act so excited. Like I was really happy we were seeing it and she knew I was and I feel so shit bc if I just kept that in she wouldn't be upset

And since when I go back out she's probably gonna see I was crying and think it was bc of the shitty play but it's not and I feel so bad. Normally I don't tell people I'm exited for stuff but I was trying to start doing that and ig I'm never gonna fucking do that again bc I'm having a full on mental breakdown rn