Or Some Shit Like That - Tumblr Posts

When I first get into a ship or fandom, I get really invested for the first couple of days (or sometimes weeks). Like, the only think I can think about is that ship or fandom. I’ll be up at 1:38am trying to find a 500k fic to tickle my traumatized brain. Then, suddenly, I’ll randomly lose most if my interest in it like Thanos was resurrected and did his whole “I am inevitable” snap thingy but only with me and my ships. Then, a couple of weeks (and sometimes moths or even years) later, I’ll just have the sudden urge to read a 100k Royalty AU of whatever it was I was originally interested in and the cycle will start again.

It’s like I was in a QPR (or Straight-PR I guess in some cases) with all the other people interested in the same thing but then we went through a gut-wrenching, tear-jerking, betrayal-filled divorce and now we have joint custody over our child. The child, of course, being the think that I’m enamored with when it randomly strikes my “Aww, look at this cute little thing. How can I traumatize it?” nerve that I still love when gone but it’s no longer my priority.

Tomorrow and it's shitness

It's strange to me. So so strange.

There is a certain fear, that is always constant. That only naive people or children don't have. And even then, some exceptions exist.

The fear of the tomorrow, of the future.

It doesn't hurt, because it can't. Not to me, at least.

I always thought that I had a lot of responsibilities.

I didn't.

I don't.

I dont fell fear from the tomorrow, because I don't need to. Not now.

I trust blindly that tomorrow is going to be normal. Maybe okay, maybe not okay.

But... normal.

It's strange to me. So so strange.

That after all this time, I only noticed now. And that surprise me, because I felt that fear once.

Even if it was weak, blurred. I felt. And even if it was weak or blurred. It was big, and overwhelming.

And this time, and only this time.

I am glad i forgot what it fell like.