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Chapter 2

Perfedious : A disloyal and faithless person.

Pairing : Yandere!Seokjin x female reader (Mirae)

Summary : You had dreamt of a beautiful man who held a diamond ring in his hand for you and the dream had come true when you saw Seokjin holding the same diamond ring and he slipped it on - your sister's finger - not yours. Sometimes what you want happens in the worst way possible.

Warnings : Heavy Angst, Family Problems, Age gap, Dilf, Dub-Con, Infidelity, Affair, Toxic Behaviour, Eventual Yandere, Eventual Smut, Just wait for Seokjin's dark Pov [hehehe].

Word Count : 3865+

You woke up feeling groggy and lazy after a lethargic noon nap.

Minsu and Seokjin had flown to Paris for their so-called honeymoon.

You had to hide your irritation when she had excitedly waved the package tickets on your face. She was beyond ecstatic.

You had slumped and shrinked in your room after they left. Your house filled with silence and gloom.

You missed her already. You missed both of them.

The trail of your hopeless thoughts was cut off when you heard something drop on the floor downstairs. It would be your mother. She purposely clank the cutlery to make noises, to annoy you, a telltale sound when she wanted you down.

Reluctantly, you jumped out of bed and trudged down the stairs to the kitchen.

And there she was throwing away all the ramen packets you had bought to satiate your hunger pangs.

You were livid, the ramen was one of your favourite quick meals, something you relied on when you were too lazy to cook. And not like your mother fed you well when Minsu was away.

"What are you doing?" You shreeched in anger.

She turned to look at you with a blank and unbothered face as if she wasn't throwing your food.

"I don't want this trash in my house."

She said, as she moved to throw another packet in the bin. She didn't make any dinner last night, the poor noodles came handy, and now she had the audacity to throw them.

You ran to her with heavy stamps and tried to snatch the pack which led to a bit of scuffle.

"What is your problem?" You shouted in pure frustration.

"My problem is that I don't want this trash in my kitchen.You need to eat healthy and not this junk." She shouted suddenly, making you flinch.

You backed away and chuckled in mirth and disbelief.

"Like you ever worried about my health. You starved me yesterday and now you care!!!"

" You should know how to feed yourself. You're not a toddler to be pampered. You can't rely on me or Minsu all the time! " Her heated words did little to cool your boiling rage.

" I did. I did cook the ramen and fed myself." You said through gritted teeth, so tempted to spew out curses.

You were so furious, towards yourself. You had promised yourself that you would control and not be a part of this pointless wordmatch. But here you were.

"I said healthy food!" She clarified. Looking at you as if you were a dumb cow.

You gulped all the molten rage you wanted to fire at her. You're learning to cook healthy. You know how to. It's just once or a few times that you eat packaged food.

You sighed. If you continue, you'd never hear the end of it.

" So you care about me? " You changed the subject but didn't back down before hitting a nerve. You already knew the answer. You directed the fragile question in a mocking way.

One thing you were thankful for was that your mother never put her hands on you. Even though she seemed like she could beat you nuts, she didn't. She didn't cross that line.

But her sharp tongue would always do all the job her hands couldn't.

" If I didn't care about you, you'd be on the road today, thrown like this trash."

You just stared at her with an incredulous face. Wondering how she always managed to prick a needle in your heart.

She threw the ramen in the dustbin with a loud thud and purposely slided the spoon holder off the counter, all the spoon clattering on the floor with a disturbing sound. She walked past you muttering bitter,

"Useless trash…."

--------------

You thought you could deal with it.

A stomach ache. It lasted for three days including today, only change being your periods joining the pain party.

You could take care of it, deal with these unwanted cramps. Spurs of pain shooting in your lower tummy. But you weren't able to focus much in the lectures.

During break, you drank water and began to eat lunch, thinking you'd feel better. But it got worse when your head started to spiral, heart palpilated and vision distorted.

You were about to faint.

Ari rushed you to the infirmary, supporting your hobbling body.

Tears clung to your lashes, as you limplessly fell on the ward bed. Ari remained beside you with concerned eyes. Cheeks flushed with sweat and embarrassment, you answered the nurse. The woman put you on saline, asking you to rest. Ari rung Minsu, quickly informing of your condition. She disappeared to bring your backpack.

The white walls of the infirmary screamed "You are weak!" in a hundred ways. You were beyond disappointment. You were going to be eighteen soon. Step into adulthood. Like this, like a weakling. Miserable. Good for nothing. Trash. Your mother was right.

Amidst the blaming noises, you heard Seokjin's voice, your heart plummeting with cold terror.

No. No. No.

You didn't want him to witness you like this- in a sorry state.

You clutch your eyes shut in humiliation, turning your head to the wall on the other end.You wanted to disappear, wanted to sink into the ground.

You felt his presence, rosewood scent diffusion in the antiseptic room. He squeezed your hand, his warm fingers touching your sweaty forehead and neck to check the temperature.

"Rae…?"

You couldn't escape this. You hesitantly faced him with droopy eyes- casted down to his hand which caressed yours. You couldn't look in his eyes- definitely full of pity. He'd think how pathetic and vulnerable you were. Couldn't handle a stomach ache.

"Are you feeling better now?" He asked softly.

Not at all. Why did he come instead of Minsu? You didn't want him here. Didn't want him to see your sickened swollen face.

You nodded. Gazing at his Rolex. You were bothered by a very different reason to care about your stomach anymore.

"Her BP is very low. It can happen due to blood loss during menstruation. The dose will work for now but she needs to stay more hydrated and eat well."

The nurse checked on you again. Passing a sympathetic smile which did little to ease your mortification. Your eyes shifted to Seokjin's. Sweetly staring soft appeals.

He had rushed all the way here. Decided to invest his precious time for your silly inconvenience. You instantly felt guilty for wasting his time.

"I'm sorry." You apologised, tears welling up. You didn't want to cry but you couldn't help it. " I know I wasted your time with all this."

"No, Rae. You didn't disrupt any of my time.It's fine. Minsu had an urgent meeting, so she couldn't come."

"I'm just s-sorry!" You sobbed, covering your mouth. You felt horrible.

"Rae, I know how you feel."

You looked at him. His honey molten eyes softened with genuine worry and empathy.

"It's alright.You're alright. Illness just comes and goes." He understood your plight.

" You don't need to blame yourself for it. It's alright to feel weak in such moments, you're only human. Sweet little human at that."

He booped your red nose and wiped your tears, offering you his angelic smile.

" But from now on, you need to take more care of yourself. Got it? "

You nodded again, no more self conscious, too consumed by his aisling presence.

Seokjin took you home. You glared at all the girls who ogled at him while walking out of school.

Once home, your drained self refused to eat anything but Seokjin stubbornly spoon fed you before taking medicine. It all felt so casual, too natural. As if you had known each other for a long time. And not just two months.

" Always remember that we are there for you, Rae. It's not wrong to need someone, to seek help. You shouldn't think that you're a burden or bother to us or anyone. You're not. Okay? " He said whilst handing you the prescribed pills.

"And you can always count on me. I'll be there for you." His voice, like a gentle candace, assured you. He was so considerate.

You smiled gratefully.You just wanted to hug him and you did. Awkwardly so.The moment your body brushed his, the tender symphonies played in your heart yet again. They grew louder every time you were close to him.

"Thankyou." you murmured against his chest.

His warm body felt millennial times better than the cold pillow you snuggled in at night. He felt like home. Warm and cosy. You clung to him like a homesick fool.

Reluctantly, you retracted your arms from his back, looking up at him. You'd love to be a stargazer and peer into Seokjin's eyes. For all the twinkles hid in there.

This wasn't the first time you were close to him. The first time was when you had bumped into him and fell down. He had offered you his hand and tugged you up, but you had again clumsily stumbled over him.Your noses brushed. Breaths fluttered. Eyes locked. You had never been that close to a man before. The lub dubs of your heart had quickened.

And you knew. From then on, every vault and crevice of your mind would be filled with his and his thoughts only.

------------------

She was smiling.

Your mother was smiling. Not the one she feigned and faked outdoors to show her charms and courtesy. This was a genuine one. It reached her eyes.

Even the walls of your cramped house would be flabbergasted to hear her laughs. And so were you and Minsu. Your mother seemed too happy. Her face beamed as she spoke to Seokjin.

She had invited them for dinner.

You had seen the shift in her. She was so engrossed in cooking, humming and smiling dreamily. It was uncanny.

You'd never seen her being so affectionate, never thought she ever could be. All directed towards Seokjin, the man in the spotlight. You were confused at first but then it became clear.

She saw in Seokjin the son she never had.

It had stung, this was the part you always longed for, her affection and attention. Minsu was happy with this little change.

Even after finishing his, Seokjin wanted another piece of cake and to his surprise, he received three. Mother's, Minsu's and Yours too. Ending up eating the whole cake.

Ofcourse, God had favourites. So did your mother.

She was always soft spoken to him. Brought him a specially woven traditional coat. Prepared his favourite dishes and sent them to his office.

But she had wicked favours too.

She'd complain how the furniture was broken and coax him to buy new ones. Months later, your house looked like a complete renovation. All thanks to Seokjin's wallet.

Seokjin was too nice for his own good.

----------------

You watched the delicate butterflies dance on flower petals, heart fluttering in synchrony.

It was your birthday.

Like every night, you were busy indulging in your fruitless thoughts. Fantasising about certain someone .

Only to see him in your room. You yelped in utter horror. His smiley face appeared out of nowhere, glowing in the candle light.

"Ta-da!"

Minsu switched on the lights, running to hug you with a wide smile.

"Happy Birthday Rae!"

You cut the cake. Wishing for the wellbeing of the two favourite people in your life.

You fed the cake to Minsu. You were so grateful to have her. You both had bonded strongly, sharing mutual hatred towards your mother. Offered each other a shoulder to lean on.

Unexpectedly, Seokjin smeared the icing, staining yours and Minsu's cheeks each.

You were going to pounce on him. But Minsu beat you to it, running to him like a wildcat. Their infectious laughter slowly seeped into every corner of the room, making it lively and joyous.

Your heart sank when you saw them kiss, cake forgotten, bitter taste on your sweet tongue, eyes on Seokjin's hand wrapped around Minsu's waist.

You shouldn't feel this way.

You couldn't let this crush get to your head.

He was your sister's husband.

You needed to stay away from him.

Your special morning started with a visit to the butterfly sanctuary. A colourful start. You were amazed to see the tiny butterflies, erratically fluttering here and there. Golden monarchs flaunting. Gracefully kissing sweet scenting flowers they pass by.

You walked in wonder. Eyes darted away from the couple beside you. Clicking pictures of butterflies. Most of them flying freely in the garden but some were kept in glass boxes. The rare ones. You gazed at the poised pink butterfly. So big and beautiful. You smiled at it.

Your lashes fluttered up at the man on the other side of the box, eyes fixated on the same butterfly. Through the glass, his eyes met yours, the moment suspended, they flashed with something for a fleeting second. But they turned into slits.soon after, as he passed you a smile.

The symphonies started to blare in your heart. Louder. Butterflies erupting in your stomach.

No. You had told yourself that you would avoid Seokjin at all cost. You forced a smile and walked away.

Despite him arranging everything for your birthday, you ignored him all the time, it made your insides twinge with a little guilt.

But you could'nt deny that this was your bestest birthday.

----------------

"You should write a song." Ari babbled our of no where. You pinched your brows, a questioning look on your face. " On hopeless romance." She joked, busy swiping your birthday pictures.

You rolled your eyes, knowing she is spewing nonsense, going back to playing your guitar.

Seokjin gifted it. You wanted to jump on him and hug him tightly but you knew better. You loved music and always wanted a guitar of your own. You were so happy.

" A butterfly sanctuary, then the folk music museum, then the aquarium and then the lavish restaurant with jazz music. Fuck! Didn't he tick off all the places you wanted to visit just in a single day! " Ari spoke with widened eyes, amused.

"So what? I didn't even look at him the whole time." You said with furrowed brows. Plucking the strings, checking the tune.

Ari smirked, zooming in a picture where you and Seokjin were closest. Seokjin was looking at you, as you smile at the camera. " I can see that. But really you just fussed all day for no reason then!"

"He kissed her. Right in front of me. That too on my birthday night!" You let out, anger veiling your sadness.

" But he did all this. Took a leave, spend a whole fucking day off for you. Maybe he wanted to make it up to you." Why was she defending him? And why she being so delusional?

" He just did it all for Minsu. Because she'll be happy if I'm happy." You said, fingers stroking the strings aimlessly.

"You're being illogical. I have a brother in law too but he never did all this things for me."

" He treats me like a child. That day they both were pamparing me like I'm their daughter. And I absolutely hated it."

" Look you should see it in this way, if they see you like their child, they won't think of having one."

" Shut up!!" You face twisted in a weird expression. Mouth twitching into disgust. You detested the thought. "You are talking absolute nonsense! " She was being ridiculous.

Ari sat up nicely, hearing the door creak open, Minsu walked in.

"Hello girlies!" She greeted you both, placing her purse on the bed. She directly came here from work, looking at her working attire.

"Glued to the guitar already. I knew you would love this gift." She settled on the bed, scrambling through her bag. "Talking about gift, mine was pending. Here it is."

You opened the envelope, staring at the document. It was something related to ownership of a house.

"You bou…." She cut you off "Yes, we bought a house. We're moving to the house next door. Right beside yours." The moment her words reached you, your lips stretched into the widest smile. You were beyond elated. All the previous thoughts thrown out the window.

You snuggled in her neck, hugging her tightly. "I'm so happy" You looked at Ari across Minsu's neck. Her smiled mirrored yours, witnessing the soft moment of both sisters. " Thankyou so much. This is the best gift ever. We'll be close now." You hated to live alone, with your mom at that.

"I have another news, Rae." You nodded on her shoulder, asking her to continue, still not ready to detach.

" I think I'm pregnant."

And just like that your blissful smile dimed.

------------

(Present)

"When are you coming back?" He asked. You chewed the inside of your cheek, clutching the phone to your ear with quivering fingers.

" I-I'm not sure, Jin. The therapy will take more time." You sighed. "When I start to think it's getting better, the ache returns and it only gets worse." You explained to him.

You're not sure, not specific enough about which ache were you talking about. The ache in your stomach which had been tormenting you for months now. Or the ache in your…Nevermind.

"I hope the therapy works. I've been loaded with this project right now or I would have come to see you myself." He grumbled in slight frustration.

You shook your head vigorously and tried to silence your rushing breath.

"No- no Jin, don't worry about me. I'm better than before and Grandma is taking good care of me." That was the last thing you wanted. Him visiting here.

" Fine. But you know Minsu is worried sick and so am I. Good that she told me how you were doing when you weren't picking up my calls but hers." He said calmly letting you know that he obviously knew- you were avoiding him.

You stayed mute raking your mind for some excuse but he continued.

"Soojin had her recitation but no one was there to prepare her so she didn't go. Since then, she has been upset with us and more upset with you-that her aunt wasn't there."

"I know." You said sadly. Her pouting face flashed in your mind.

" And work is waiting, it's been two months now. I've managed till now but I cannot always cover up." He tried to control his tone.

"I know." You furrowed your brows and said in an inaudible voice.

He could. He could always cover up for you. But he was casting reasons to get you back home. To him.

" You don't. You don't know, Rae. Everyone misses you here." He sighed, digging yet another soft spot.

" I miss you all too, Jin. You need to un-" You voice cracked, feeling guilty and weak.

" No, you don't!" He sternly claimed." You didn't even tell me when you left. Am I that insignificant to you?" Your eyes welled up.

"No-" He cut you off yet again.

" Am I forcing you to talk to me? Tell me? I'll not call you from now on if you don't want me to." His words were snappy, tone upset.

A long pause dragged, he, waiting for your answer.

Your throat constricted. You couldn't speak a single word.

You didn't like how he spoke. He never used such a harsh tone with you. You were one minute away from breaking down.

You withdrew your phone and cut the call. You couldn't exchange any more words with him without crying your eyes out. And that's the last thing you wanted to do.

You thought that if you distanced yourself from him, he would just let go, forget about you and focus on his family. But that wasn't the case.

He was there, waiting for you.

To come back to him.

---------------

You clutched your head with both hands, feeling your head spiral again.Your body felt fatigued after throwing up so much.

This unusual dizziness had clung to you for so long.You assumed it was a passing illness due to emotional stress but it remained for several days. Months now.

When it didn't get better from local clinic medicines, you decided to visit your Grandma and take her treatment instead of the city hospital.

You grandma patted your hair as you plopped on the dining chair lethargically. You quickly gulped the bitter liquid she gave you for your upset stomach. You rested your elbows on the table and covered your teary eyes.

"It will get better Rae. Have faith."

"It's been months now, grams." You sobbed.

"Do you want to visit the hospital?"

You shook your head,

"No, I'll get better with your treatment." You rubbed your red eyes and nose before putting on a smile to convince her.

Three months had gone in thin air.

You looked in the mirror, your body had fattened. You lightly slapped the plush of your cheeks and turned to find the outline of your breast and butt look more rounder.

Despite you throwing up all the food, you managed to gain weight. How was that even possible?

You removed your top to put on something lighter, but as you glanced in the mirror again, your eyes fell on it.

And you ignored it. Stubbornly ignored it.

You knew exactly what was happening to your body. You had lied to your Grandma that you were on birth control. You had also lied that you were getting your periods.

You were already on edge. There was so much going on in your mind, that you didn't allow much space for this thought. You had brushed it off in denial. Ignored it. Knowing well, that if you let this situation get to your head, you were finally going to lose it.

Third month, you came to accept it. You were horrified when you realised it.It couldn't be more obvious. All the signs were so clear. You wondered why hadn't your Grandma kicked you out already.

Your heart was filled with absolute dread and wonder at the same time.

There was a life growing inside you.

And you couldn't keep it.

You had scurried to the small pharmacy in the further corner of the town. Asked for abortion pills. You took it at night, lights switched off, in darkness, too afraid, too unwilling to witness another of your sins. Killing a life.

You had been taking the pills for a few days. You needed to get rid of it.

Maybe you had sensed it from the start. Your intuitions gnawing. Like the silence before a storm. A disaster. Your body had hinted. That's why you had run away from home and hidden. But what you didn't know was that the cause of the disaster was within you. Growing inside you.

" Please don't tell mom. Not now. Please!" You begged your Grandma, hysterically crying. She got to know. Your bump had grown. The pills didn't work. You had chugged the whole bottle in your mouth.

If your mother got to know, she'd kill you. You cannot imagine the mortification you'll be in when you face Minsu. What will you tell her? What will you tell Jin?

A new splash of cold terror poured on you.

What will you tell him?

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A/N - Finally done! I've kinda dragged this chapter a bit. Wanted to show the (very slow) dynamic between Jin and Rae. The last scene is my favourite. I wrote this whole thingy just to get to that one part. Also, I personally love Ari more than all the Mcs in this. Lol.

Let me know which part you liked.

Please vote and reblog. Let me know if you want to join the taglist.

@themochiverse @ephemeralliving

Part 2 on the Connected story

Kat’s p.o.v

The more she began to panic the more unnerving thoughts filled up her mind, like how she had to hold all the air she could in her tiny lungs just so she would try and fail so miserably to swim after her parents, falling into the darkness of the water. She didn’t want to think these thoughts, she wanted to be back up above, with her new friends. And just before she can no longer hold her breath, darkness seeping around the edge of her vision, a bright flash of green light appears.

Wendell and Wild’s p.o.v

“Wild?” Wendell asked his brother, the irritated note evident in his voice. “Yes Wendell?” Wild hummed idly while looking at their blueprints for the park. “Why, in the ever loving Here, would we put a food stand right next to the bathrooms? It’s disgusting!” Wendell said while gesturing wildly to the blueprints. “Well in case they need to go right after, these chili dogs do pass by pretty quickly,” Wild replied with a grin. “No soul, living or dead, is gonna want to eat that food if it’s being cooked up right by where it comes out into. I mean, we don’t even know if they need to go after, so it’s pointless!” Wendell said matter of factly, taking the blueprints out of Wild’s hands, who responded with an angry “HEY!” Before jumping at Wild to get them back. This evolved into a small slap fight/ bickering contest until they each had a hold of the blueprint on opposite ends, pulling it in a fierce game of tug-of-war until there was a sickening riiiiiip and the blueprint was now torn in two pieces. “Oh now look what you’ve done! We’ll have to glue it back together again” Wendell accused while gesturing wildly to the split paper. “ME?” Wild gasped, “Oh no, you could’ve just let my idea be, but noooooo, you had to be Captain Buzzkill” “Oh I’ll show you Captain Buzzkill!” Wendell hissed while getting ready to lunge at Wild. That’s when the feeling hit. The deepest feeling of dread they had ever felt before. And it hit hard too, like a steeled boot to the stomach. They both paused with their hands going to their stomachs and chests where the feeling sat, it was heavy and cold, like they were being crushed by a large chunk of ice. They looked up at each other, confusion filling both of their faces. “Y-you felt that too?” Wendell asked his brother, nervousness pouring into his voice. “Yeah,” Wild mumbled back in complete shock. At first Wendell thought only he was the one with that feeling, as the only older brother for years on end one got familiar with feelings of when someone close, particularly a younger sibling, was in danger. But Wild was just fine as were his other siblings so then who could it have been,,, Wendell thought for a bit before the realization finally came, in the form of a vision. It appeared to both brothers, a vision of Kat floating in the air, her silhouette outlined, like all those years ago when they saw her for the very first time. “Wendell are you seeing this too? Wild had to check, because as far as he knew he hasn’t eaten any of the hair cream lately. “Yeah,,,I do,” Wendell mumbled back, trailing off. Something was off about this one, and both brothers noticed it. Her arms, instead of hanging at her side like a dolls, were positioned as if she were reaching for something. Her legs in a kicked out motion as if she were swimming,,,no,,,, DROWNING! Both brothers jumped at the realization of what was happening up above. Their panicked faces looking at each other. They couldn’t tell you how they knew or why it was happening, but their Hell Maiden was sending out an S.O.S signal, and they had to help her now! “Oh Satan, how do we get up there?” Wendell asked frantically, “we can’t gather the soul jockey’s or wake dad, that would take too long! Oh what do we do what do we do?!” Wendell mumbled while he began pacing in a circle. Wild wasn’t the best when it came to panicking situations, normally he would just cling to Wendell until the feeling of fear passed, but this time, he got an idea. “What if we summon ourselves,, through her mark?” he asked slowly. He knew it sounded ridiculous and that it most likely wouldn’t work but hey, a tries a try. “Summoning ourselves?! Wild tha- wait hang on can we even do that?” The older brother stopped mid sentence to ask, they’ve heard rumors of demons summoning themselves into the land of the living at will through the bond they had with their Hell Maiden, but were they able to be summoned by their Hell Maiden’s mark? It was definitely worth a try.

Part 3 Finale of Alastor X Mute Reader is almost finished!!

Who's excited?!

Acceptance is a start

Part 1 , Part 2

"Alright, something's wrong. Mind telling me what?"

She paused. Damn it. Her chocolate brown eyes twitched in annoyance at the damn fact that she could never, no matter how much she tried, hide something from her mother. She stopped writing her homework and merely stared at it. Her mind wandered off as it usually did. "Something's wrong." — everything's wrong, mother. Not something, everything. Yet she couldn't stop. She couldn't stop loving the boy she knew won't love her back the same way even if she killed for it. Her heart felt heavy as it usually did when she thought of him and her current situation. The situation being that she was, well, head over heels for a boy who openly announced that he wanted no girl other than the girl he claimed as his — the girl that wasn't her. It hurt. It really did. But what can she do about it? Nothing. She can't do anything about it except for moving on which is quite a hard task, especially since she'd love him for more than a year now. She let out a silent chuckle. There she goes again. Feeling like a highschool girl with a crush. It was as if she was thirteen again except this time it was different. This time it wasn't just a crush anymore, it was love now. Love she never wanted. But of course, Fate doesn't run that day. It seemed to give her the opposite of what she wanted. Oh, you don't want to love anyone at the age of 16? Well, too bad. You're now in love with the boy who considers you as his sister, good luck. Oh, what's that? You want a non drama-filled life? Huh? Sorry — not — but drama is waiting for you, my dear. Have fun! Goodness, Fate doesn't want to give her a break, Huh? Realizing that she had yet to respond, she raised her dull chocolate brown eyes to the blue eyes of her mother.

"Whatever do you mean, mother?"

She almost flinched at the dull tone of her response. Since when had she lost her cheery tone? Oh, that's right. Since the day she realized her feelings which was, unfortunately for her, the day the boy she garnered feelings for proclaimed his love for a girl that, surprise surprise, wasn't her. Her eyebrows raised at the face of her mother — one that clearly states she wasn't buying her bluff. Sighing again, her chocolate brown eyes moved back to the unfinished homework lying on her desk. Her hands made a movement to grab her pen just as her mother sighed and made a move to leave the room. She started writing yet again but her mind was somewhere else. Damn it. Why does this have to be so hard? Why couldn't she just focus on her homework and forget everything else? Don't answer that. She knew the answer. She knew that, even if she tried to do so, her mind won't focus on her homework because it was busy focusing on something else and for once, it wasn't him. It was her mother. She pondered whether or not she should tell her mother. After all, she needed someone to talk to about all of this. About her feelings. Bolting it all up wasn't healthy for her, it never had been. She tightened her grip on her pen before loosening it again with a sigh.

"I love him"

The words were out in the open now. Damn, it felt relieving to say that. All these time, she knew that she loved him but she never, not once, said it out loud in fear of someone overhearing her. She knew that if someone did, they wouldn't know who she was referring to but still, better safe than sorry. Hearing it said out in the open was like confirming her thoughts. She loved him. Oh my God. She loved. But he doesn't love her. Not in the way she wanted him to, at least. Her eyes fluttered close as yet another round of tears made it's way to her eyes but this time, it didn't fall, she prevented it from falling. With glossy chocolate brown eyes, she moved her head and stared at the frozen figure in her doorway. Her mother's frozen figure, to be specific. Her mother's blue eyes stared at her, her daughter, with barely concealed shock. Who? What? Why? When? Those were the thoughts circling her mother's mind as she watched her daughter, as she watched her, with tears in her eyes, repeat her words like a broken record and getting more emotional every turn.

"I love him..."

He doesn't love me.

"I love him..."

And it hurts.

"I love him..."

I'm scared.

"I love him..."

I don't know what to do.

"I love him......"

Help me, mother.

Tears continued to form itself in her eyes yet she didn't let them fall, she didn't allow them too. She was tired. She didn't want this anymore. Loving him was killing her and she needed to stop, only problem was she didn't know how. Her eyes closed as the thought stayed in her head. She didn't know how to not love him and that scared her, more than ever. Her chocolate brown eyes stared at her shaking hands, her tears still not falling. She took a shaky breath. No, don't cry. You've cried enough already. No need to cry again. Her mind involuntarily remembered the boy she loved so much and the girl she longed to be and the thought made her want to cry. Her hands shook more visibly as her mind made her remember the pair and their loving nature towards one another. Before she could panic more, a hand was suddenly covering that of her own. Her eyes snapped upwards only to be met by the calm blue eyes of her mother. She was so mesmerized at the caring and calming eyes of her mother that she almost failed to notice the words that escaped her lips in a soft, scared whisper.

"I'm scared..."

"I know..."

Her mother was quick to comfort her. She felt her mother's arms wrap themselves around her figure and closed her eyes, leaning towards her mother, desperately in need of the warmth and comfort she knew her mother would give her.

"Loving...it's scary, especially for someone as young as you..."

She listened to her mother speak and couldn't help but agree with her mother's words. It was true. Loving was — is scary. It always had been. No matter how old or how prepared you might think you are, loving someone, especially in a romantic way, will always be scary — that much she knew of. But even then, even if the words that left her mother's mouth was not something knew to her, it brought her a sense of comfort she needed.

"It's scary but it's also wonderful. It's such an amazing feeling, once you get over the scary part. You're constantly happy and you'll always feel as if you are on top of the world..."

She smiled. She caught up on the love and passion in her mother's voice and smiled, feeling happy that her mother experienced love in the best way possible. Sure, she couldn't see how love can be so wonderful as it had been nothing but cruel to her but to hear her mother say it as if she had experienced it before, and there's no doubt that she had and still do, makes me happy. They may not have been the closest mother-daughter pair out there but they care about one another, even after their multiple arguments. They care and that's what matters. Of course, her sense of happiness didn't last for long. As soon as she remembered that she had yet to experience that kind of love, her smile dimmed and tears continued to form in her eyes as she felt a bittersweet feeling creep up on her. She wished she experienced the kind of love her mother talks greatly about and not the love she was experiencing now. It sounded great. Her mother must have picked up on her down mood as she continued.

"But love can also be painful... It's not all rainbows and sunshine. It can hurt someone and I have no doubt you're hurting from love right now..."

The way her mother said it made her look away from her. Shame filled her body even when there was nothing to be ashamed about. Love can hurt someone and it was hurting her — it was normal. Her mother sighed and placed both of her hands on her cheek and made her look straight into her blue eyes. Chocolate brown met Crystal blue.

"I'm not shaming you, child. I just want you to know that what you're feeling right now — it's normal. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Your loving and you're hurting — it's normal. But I assure you, daughter of mine. You'll find the same kind of love I found in your father someday. Not right now, but some day. It may be years from now. Or weeks. Or days, even. But you'll find it. I know you will..."

The mother-daughter duo shared a smile that warmed both of their hearts. Her chocolate brown eyes watched as her mother pressed her forehead next to hers and continued.

"The love you have for this boy — who ever he is — is hurting you, my child. I'm not asking you to stop loving him. It's hard, that I know. But I'm asking you to stop this..."

Confusion filled her body. What did her mother mean? Stop this? Stop what? What did she do? Her questions were answered not long after as her mother continued.

"Stop purposely hurting yourself. Stop pushing everyone away. Stop isolating yourself. Stop trying to lock it all in. It's not healthy."

Wide chocolate brown eyes stared at determined blue ones as her mother continued.

"Love is hurting you, I know. But that doesn't give you any reason to hurt yourself more by doing all of that. By isolating yourself. By keeping it all in..."

Tears of frustration gathered in her eyes as she continued to listen.

"Stop being so brave..."

With blurry eyes, she watched as her mother close her own pair of eyes and kiss her in the forehead before whispering the words that hit her right in her feelings.

"It's okay to let it all out, Madelaine..."

Tears left her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks without her permission as she finally let herself cry — not for him or for the fact that he wasn't hers but for her and the fact that she was hurting. And it felt good. For the first time in what felt like forever, she was crying for herself — she wasn't crying over him. The feeling was so phenomenal that she couldn't believe it. She let out a watery laugh and sent her mother a shaky smile through her tears.

"Thank you..."

She meant it. She really did. Without her mother and her words of wisdom and comfort, she would still be crying over him and not realizing that she was hurting herself. Her mother made her realize what she was too sad to realize on her own and for that, she was grateful.

"There's no need to thank me, child."

Oh but there was. Her mother was just too humble to realize that. But she didn't argue. She didn't feel like it. So instead, she just nodded her head and continued to hug her mother, feeling grateful for having a woman like her in her life.

Unknown to the both of them, it was in that moment that Madelaine took her first step in her road to healing. It was in that moment that she realized that sure, the fact the he wasn't hers still stung but that doesn't mean she had too beat herself over it. It was in that moment that she started to accept that he wasn't hers and for once, the thought didn't make her cry. In fact, it made her feel as if a weight in her shoulders had been released. It felt great.

After all, Acceptance is a start.