Per Te - Tumblr Posts

Who I am?

"I know pretty much what I like and dislike; but please, don't ask me who i am."

This reminds me of a particular scene in my life; my Spanish teacher had always been really strict and weirdly relentless into educating us (my class and I), believing that behaving so, she was doing a great job. Instead, she was doing quite the opposite of what she intended to; inflicting her personal beliefs and faiths into our culture, she destroyed our own authenticity or better said, identity.

Now personally talking, I remember that in first year of high school, she said something really interesting to a girl in my class meanwhile scolding her in a, dare I say, cruel way; "How can you expect me to understand what kind of teaching you deserve when you don't even know yourself?".

It's weird because at that time those words weren't surely directed at me, but I flinched so hard that had me speechless.

Didn't that girl really know herself?

Didn't that girl really know who she was?

Does she know who she is right now?

Since those words were pronounced by that ascetic woman, have already been three long years. And I still think of those religiously.

Did I know who I was at that time?

Do I know who I am now?

I certainly can't answer this question. As Sylvia Plath said, I know what I like and what I dislike. I'm 24/7 thinking about how I want to be meanwhile not knowing who I am.

Now my faith is probably this; finding out who I am. And how do I find this out? I don't know.