Pieces And Parts - Tumblr Posts

I think I've determined that I don't really create things.

My dad builds with wood. I build with Legos. My dad can and has built with Legos, but he prefers wood because it offers more freedom. I'm able to understand that, but if you give me a block of wood and tell me to build something, I won't know where to start - I don't know how to make it do what I want it to. My dad, of course, would build a nightstand before the hour's up. He always explains it to me by saying he's "building his own Legos."

That kind of freedom has always bugged me - the freedom of an infinite number of possibilities. I sort of fold under that pressure. When I have a very specific set to start with, I can make a lot out of that, because it's essentially just putting two and two together. But when I start with an empty canvas, I draw a blank.

It's for this reason that I can't choose what color I want to use, or draw an organic shape (aka not a line/circle), or cook, or compose music; all of that comes up as an infinite set in my brain. I can't do anything with that. I can't create my own things. Now, if someone gives me some pieces to work with - a color palette, or a set of instruments - I can work with that.

I've never really created anything. Everything I've ever made is a collection of pieces made by someone else. And while all this may sound self-demeaning, it gives me great freedom to know that I can construct things.

The difference here is logic. When I'm given tools to work with and blocks to put together, I can say to myself, "This goes with this, that goes with that. It makes sense this way." I can't make sense of infinity, but I can make sense of a collection of parts. But in order for me to do my work, someone has to do the creating.

You could argue that this is the very definition of creation, but I would argue that it's a very limited creation at best, to not be able to build my own Legos. But I sure can throw those Legos together.

I am not a creator. I am a constructor. And now that I know this, I am perfectly okay with it.